After walking for what seemed to be an eternity, Feliciradeya almost bumped into Munkustrap as he finally stopped in front of a house. It wasn't a very large house, but it was more than the kitten had been used to. She may have been the daughter of a Glamour Cat, but that was often overrated.
Munkustrap led the way through the gate and up the path to the front steps. This short journey interested Feli more than anything she'd seen in the city. She'd seen the odd flower here and there, but nothing like this. On either side of the path was a neatly trimmed patch of lawn surrounded on all sides by flowerbeds. She stopped and sniffed at a few of the flowers, the pollen making her sneeze.
"You like the flowers?" Munkustrap asked, waiting for her to catch up with him, "there're more of those behind the house."
"There's more?"
"Yes, they've got a huge garden. In the spring they get lots of daffodils and in the summer there are reeds that are great to chase."
"Really?" Feli couldn't imagine this serious, sensible cat chasing after reeds.
"Yes, now come on." Munkustrap walked up the steps and through the cat flap that his humans had thoughtfully placed in the front door, and Feli followed.
"Sebastian's brought a friend home with him," said a human voice.
"Sebastian?" Feli wondered aloud, "Is that your family name?
"Yes."
The man continued, "I suppose that's two for dinner then?"
"Yes," said Munkustrap, "but she'll be staying longer if you don't mind."
"That's no trouble," said the man, answering his own question since Munkustrap's had only been understood as a series of meows.
Munkustrap turned to Feli, "They'll give you another name soon too."
"Really?" The kitten began to think about what she might be called, but then the man went into the kitchen and filled two bowls with chicken-in-jelly, thereby distracting her attention.
"Not very inspiring," said Munkustrap to Feli, "but it's better than foraging in dustbins."
The kitten agreed, but did so silently as her mouth was too full of food for her to reply.
Once they'd finished dinner, Munkustrap lay down in the cat bed, cleverly positioned where the heating pipes ran under the floor and Feli followed suit, curling up against his warm tummy.
Munkustrap slept soundly, but Feli was disturbed by a puzzling dream. In it she had seen her mother, or at least she thought it was her mother. She was surrounded by a haze of rainbow coloured smoke and she was saying something. Feli didn't remember all of it, but she got the gist. Grizabella was saying goodbye. The kitten began to understand what her brother had been saying about that cat heaven, the Heaviside Layer. Feli hoped that she would see her mother again, when she came back for her new life, but such thoughts were too much for her in her tired state and she quickly fell asleep once more.
Early in the morning she was woken up as Munkustrap, who had been awake for a while, shifted his position slightly.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I tried not to wake you."
Feli yawned and said, "It's okay. I think I've slept enough for one night. I'm hungry."
"Hmm. It's a bit early, but I suppose just the once won't hurt."
"What do you mean?"
"Humans don't usually get up much before sunrise, so we'll have to wake them up." A mischievous smile spread across his face as he allowed himself to forget that he was trying to set a good example.
"Are you sure that's okay?" In her experience humans didn't like to be disturbed.
"Well, they probably won't like it, but it's a cat's right to stir things up a little."
Feli snapped, "I know that."
"Okay. What else do you know?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I suppose the most important thing you need to know when you're living with humans is that you can only push them so far. Another one is never to sleep inside any of their big machines, or you might get spin dried, or worse."
"What's spin dried?"
"You don't want to know. But it's okay to sleep on top of things like the television or piles of clothes that have just been washed."
"What about clothes that haven't been washed?"
"They're okay, but you never know where they've been and besides, the clean ones are always warm. The humans don't like it though, we leave fur on everything."
"What's wrong with that?"
"I don't know, but they don't like it. No reason not to do it once in a while though. We have to keep reminding them who's boss or they get a superiority complex."
"A superi – what?"
"Don't say what, say pardon."
Feli was beginning to get déjà vu. "Sorry. Pardon?"
"That's better. It means they think they're cleverer than we are. And when that happens, things can get ugly. It's best to keep them on their toes. Now, let's get them out of bed."
~
Macavity was woken by bright sunlight that streamed in through the kitchen windows. He yawned and stretched. Then, once he realised Plato wasn't there, the events of the previous night came flooding back to him.
After a moment's reflection he decided to get up and look around. Apart from the bed, food bowls and cat-flap he didn't know where anything else in the room was. Glancing around the kitchen all he could see were the legs of the table and chairs, the cupboard doors and the plastic gravel-tray from the room upstairs. He didn't care much for the tray so he walked over to one of the doors, hooked a paw through the handle and stepped backwards, pulling it open.
"I see you've found the cat-food cupboard," said the woman.
Macavity bolted for the cat-flap, banging his head hard against the unmoving plastic.
The woman rushed over and knelt down beside him. She stroked his thumping head and said, "You poor thing. I locked the flap last night, after Jonathan went out. It woke me up and I remembered I had to keep you in for another day. Are you all right?" She reached out to lift him up and, being half-dazed, Macavity let her.
She tickled him behind the ears. It brought back startling memories of the last time someone had touched him there. It was years ago, when he and Munkustrap were still with their mother. He caught himself before he started purring, then changed his mind and relaxed his throat. It was a little rusty after years of refusing to purr for anyone, but it did the trick and she smiled at him before carrying him over to the open cupboard. She asked, "Trying to tell me something, were you?" She kissed his forehead before putting him down and opening a tin of cat-food. To Macavity's disgust there was a picture of a silver tabby on the label, under the name "Whiskas". He wouldn't have bought it.
While Macavity had breakfast the woman made herself a cup of tea and some toast. She went out to the hall to bring in the paper and began reading.
The headline on the paper announced, Burglary in Cornwall Gardens' and the woman read the article out loud, as if she knew Macavity could understand what she was saying.
"Last night another burglary was committed by the mystery thief. Scotland Yard suspects Macavity, the infamous feline villain," she read aloud, then said, "So infamous I've never heard of him. Macavity. It sounds like a cross between Moriarty and Machiavelli."
"Well it wasn't me, I was here all night. You locked the cat-flap remember? And what's that you said? Machiavelli?" Macavity turned the name over in his mind. "I've never heard that one before. I'll have to look him up. You have got a set of encyclopædias, I take it?"
"a thin, scruffy, ginger cat with sunken eyes and a highly domed head," she read again. "You know, Ginger, this Macavity sounds a lot like you."
"Really?" If cats could roll their eyes, the ginger one would have done so.
She read on, "He is also known as the Hidden Paw and the Napoleon of Crime."
"You don't say?"
"I wonderNo, you couldn't be."
"Couldn't I?"
"A cat like that would never let himself be adopted."
"All right, no need to rub it in."
~
Later on the sun was shining down on the junkyard where several of the tribe slept. Plato and Victoria were curled up together in the shade of a pile of junk. As the sun moved across the sky it shone into their faces and forced them to turn away, but eventually they had to open their eyes. Victoria did so first. She yawned and stretched, then turned to her mate. Seeing him loath to move, she began licking his face.
"Good morning, Vicky," he said, then opened his eyes.
"Good morning, lazy bones."
He began to wash her face in response, then sat still while she returned the favour.
When she'd finished, he said, "How about some breakfast?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
Victoria trotted out of the junkyard, with Plato hot on her heels, to the back of Russell Square and the infamous Russell Hotel. They knew there were numerous cafés and restaurants whose chefs were well-disposed towards hungry cats.
This morning Victoria chose an Italian-style café. She scratched on the door and meowed a hello. A young man in a white apron and tower-like hat appeared. He knelt down to stroke both her and Plato before disappearing back into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with some left-over meat and a saucer of milk.
The food went down a treat and so began another session of face and paw washing, not to mention the parts other species' tongues cannot reach.
When the cats were satisfied that their fur sparkled they set off down the road to a park where they knew dogs had to be kept on their leads, so they'd have some peace and quiet. They settled down beneath their favourite tree and Plato decided that this was as good a time as any to discuss his father. Victoria listened attentively, as she always did to another cat's problems.
"So what do you think?"
"I don't know yet. We'll need to talk to Old Deuteronomy about it. He'll know what to do."
Plato sighed. "I suppose so."
"You don't sound very sure. What's the matter?"
"What if he won't give him a chance? It'll all end up even worse than before."
"We don't know that. We'll just have to take the risk."
They heard a small sneeze and turned to see Jemima jogging towards them.
"Hi Victoria. Hi Plato."
"Hi Jemima."
"What are you two talking about?"
"My father."
Jemima's eyes widened.
"It's okay, Jemi, he hasn't done anything. He just needs some help."
"Macavity needs help?"
"Yes," said Plato, "he's lonely and he feels betrayed by the tribe."
"What did we do?"
"We kicked him out."
"But...didn't he do something bad first? Wasn't that why?"
"Well...yes," Plato admitted. "Sort of."
"What do you mean, sort of?" asked the kitten.
"He upset Demeter. She was frightened of him so they thought he was dangerous."
"But he is, isn't he?"
"A bit, I suppose, but not like everyone thinks he is. I know he's a criminal, but he doesn't hurt anyone on purpose, only in self defence. That's why I need your help. Both of you."
Victoria and Jemima exchanged glances, then turned back to face Plato and nodded in unison. Victoria said, "We'll help you any way we can. Now, are we going to talk to Old Deuteronomy?"
Plato hesitated as Victoria's eyes bore into him.
"Plato!"
"I suppose so."
"Good. Come on then." The white cat led the way through the streets back to the junkyard and beyond to the village where Old Deuteronomy lived. Victoria carried on walking until she reached the wall on which Old Deuteronomy lay, no doubt contemplating his ineffable third name. Or sunbathing.
Plato stopped, feeling his heart race with nerves. After all, what did a young cat like him know about leading a tribe?
"For Heaviside's sake, Plato," said Victoria when she realised he'd stopped, "come on." She and Jemima carried on walking towards Old Deuteronomy and Plato hurried to catch up with them.
The old cat looked down at them and smiled. Victoria gave Plato a nudge with her paw. He jumped up onto the wall, bowed his head to show respect and sat down facing his grandfather. Victoria followed suit, seating herself next to her mate.
"To what do I owe this pleasure?" asked the old cat.
"We need to talk to you."
"Something is troubling you?"
"Yes, II don't know how to say it."
"Plato, you have nothing to fear. What's the matter?"
"It'sMy father."
~
Meanwhile, Munkustrap was in his element as he showed off his newly-found sister. He'd chosen a good time to leave for the Junkyard since by then all the resident cats had woken up and had breakfast, those who lived with humans had arrived, and they were all beginning to get bored.
The first group they came to consisted of George, Admetus and Victor, who were playing cards.
"Hi, Munkustrap," said George as the silver tabby approached with a strange kitten in tow.
"Feli, this is Admetus," Munkustrap patted the shoulder of the the grey and white teenager with grey patches over his eyes. "His brother, George," he went on, pointing to the lighter grey one with darker eye-patches. "And Victor," he finished, indicating the white and black one with a pale brown, stripy face. "And this is my sister, Feliciradeya," he told them.
"Your sister?" asked George.
"Yes. Grizabella was her mother. We met yesterday."
George nodded silent understanding as the other toms forgot their card game and looked the new kitten over.
"Felici- what?" asked Victor, screwing his face up as he tried to pronounce her name.
"Feli for short," said Munkustrap.
"Okay."
"Have any of you seen Alonzo?"
"No," said Admetus.
"All right, thanks anyway."
Victor re-shuffled the cards and Munkustrap said quietly to Feli, "Let's leave these guys alone and find some of the others, okay?"
"Okay."
~
Throughout the afternoon Feli met most of the other cats, including a gorgeous black and leopard-spotted Maine Coon whom she discovered was Munkustrap's brother, but not hers. It was going to take her a while to understand about all the different families in the tribe. Munkustrap started off by introducing her to the older cats, knowing that once she'd met the other kittens she would be dragged off by them to join in one of their crazy games. Once that happened he left her with them, under the watchful eyes of Jellylorum and Asparagus, and went to the vicarage with Bombalurina, since Alonzo was nowhere to be found.
"And then we woke up all the other cats too," Pouncival bragged, "You should have seen their faces!"
"Yeah," said Tumblebrutus, "but then we got busted."
"Huh?" said a confused Carbucketty, "when did that happen?"
"The other day," said Etcetera. "Oh, you weren't here."
"I wasn't either," said Bill Bailey. "Where were we, Carb?"
"The other day, let me think...wasn't that when we were spying on Sillabub?"
"You were spying on me?!" shouted Sillabub, who had only just come into view.
Bill Bailey glared at Carbucketty.
"Oops," said the younger kitten, ducking slaps from both Sillabub and Bill.
Feli watched and listened in amusement while sizing the others up. She thought that out of the queens Jemima seemed the most friendly and of the toms Carbucketty seemed the silliest, but probably the most fun. Pouncival was cuter, though.
~
Later that evening Plato finally returned home. The woman heard the gentle bang of the cat-flap and watched the kitchen door until the young cat strolled into the living room. Plato stopped by the side of the woman's chair, leapt up onto the arm and almost fell off it in shock. He dug his claws into the fabric to steady himself.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded of Macavity who was curled up in the woman's lap, seemingly half-asleep.
"I live here, remember?"
"But"
"But what?" Macavity stretched out and allowed the woman to stroke his back.
Plato growled and jumped onto the settee, settling himself against the cushions and brooding over how he'd lost sole rights to the best seat in the house.
"What's the matter, Johnny?"
Plato didn't answer her question, but growled, "Stop calling me that. My name's Plato."
"If you want her to call you by your real name I can help you."
"How?"
"Just do what I tell you."
"Okay. What do I need to do?"
"First of all you've got to find the big book with the letter P' on."
Plato jumped off the settee and walked over to the bookshelf where the encyclopædias were. Standing on his hind legs he read the spines of the books.
"Which one is it?"
"It's in-between the ones with the letters that look like circles."
He waited while Plato found it.
"I've got it. Now what?"
"Tap the book with your paw, look her straight in the eyes and tell her you want her to open it." Plato did so, hoping she'd understand.
"You want to look at the book?" she asked, not sure what to make of this sudden thirst for knowledge.
Macavity thought it was obvious what they wanted. He told Plato, "Tell her again, slowly this time."
Plato looked at the woman again and said, "Open the book."
Macavity jumped down off her lap and sniffed at an invisible spot on the carpet, apparently oblivious to what the others were doing. The woman walked over to Plato, took the book off the shelf and placed it on the coffee table, opening it at random. Macavity moved so that he was close enough to read the writing from where he sat. He turned to Plato and said, "Stand in front of her so you can reach the book."
Plato pushed himself in front of the woman and stood on his hind legs with his front paws resting on the table. "Now what?"
Macavity peered over and read the title of the first article, "Peanut. No, tell her to turn the page." Plato tapped the edge of the page with his paw, looked the woman in the eyes again and meowed. By some miracle, she did as he wished.
"Good," said Macavity, reading the new page, "but you're not there yet. Keep going."
Plato repeated his previous actions and she turned a few more pages.
"Plant," Macavity read, "Nearly there, just a few more."
The woman flicked through the next few pages.
"Stop!" Macavity had caught sight of the page he wanted and his loud meow, repeated by Plato, was noted as the woman stopped at that page.
"Now then, Plato, put your paw on the big word at the top of the page."
Plato did so, pointing to an article about his namesake.
"Now," said Macavity, "look in her eyes again and tell her that's your name."
Plato did as he was told.
"You're interested in philosophy, are you, Johnny?"
Plato growled, "That's not my name." He tapped his paw on the name at the top of the article and said, "That's my name. Plato."
"Oh." she said, beginning to realise what he meant. "You like the name, do you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Hang on a moment, do you want me to call you that, instead of Jonathan?"
"Yes."
"Hmm. That's all right, I suppose. It's funny, but that name suits you better."
"Good Heaviside," said both cats in unison, walking away from the table. The woman put the book back on the shelf and sat down in the middle of the settee. The cats jumped up and sat down too, one on each side of her. As she stroked them, Plato asked,
"Don't you want her to call you by your real name?"
"No, I'll leave it as it is. Not that I couldn't do it. The police think I burgled a house so my name's in the paper, but it's better this way."
"It is? Why?"
"Because I don't want her going around telling her friends she's got a cat called Macavity. They might cotton on and then Heaviside knows what could happen. If they think I'm an ordinary cat who looks like Macavity and just happens to be intelligent, I'll be much safer. That's why I had you do all the pointing at the book."
"I didn't think of it like that."
"That's why I'm the criminal mastermind and you're an ordinary cat."
"Oh."
~
After dinner Plato entered into another bout of fur-cleaning, but Macavity wasn't as meticulous as Victoria so it didn't take him very long. Plato, having a lot of white fur, liked to keep as clean as possible, especially after the time the woman had dunked him in the bathroom sink because his paws were a bit on the grey side. Macavity didn't like the idea of a human-style wash and resolved to devote a little more time to his white patches. He didn't want to have to claw his way out of any water since this was one human he found he didn't want to hurt.
When Plato was satisfied that his own white bits shone he turned back to Macavity who, even after taking longer than usual to clean himself, had been waiting impatiently for his son to finish. Plato said, "We need to talk."
"That sounds ominous," said Macavity. "It didn't go too well, I take it?"
"It wasn't too bad. They didn't freak out or anything, but I don't know if you're going to like what I've got to say."
"I don't either. Who did you talk to and what did they say?"
"I spoke to Victoria first of all and then Jemima came along. They both listened to me. We went to see Old Deuteronomy and I told him everything, but he didn't say anything for ages. Then Munkustrap and Bombalurina showed up and they all talked about it for a while. In the end they said since you'd been banished because of how you behaved they'd let you come back if you proved you wouldn't hurt anyone. They need to know that they can trust y - What's wrong?"
Macavity was staring fixedly at the floor, gritting his teeth. He began to shake very slightly. He snapped his head up and glared at Plato.
"What's wrong?" He asked through his still-gritted teeth. "They're treating me like a kitten. That's what's wrong!"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Don't you understand?"
"I...no, I guess not."
"They're saying that as long as I behave myself and be good, then they'll forgive me and let me come back, as if it's all my fault and they've never done anything wrong! I can't believe it." He shook his head. "I should've known they'd be like this." He walked stiffly to the cat bed and lay down. He looked up at Plato and said, "They're so patronising. I hate them. I hate them all." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and covered them with his front paws, trying to block out the rest of the world. When he opened them again he looked at Plato and said, "Goodnight."
Plato didn't know what more he could do. He went back into the living room and jumped onto the woman's lap. They watched the television until she went to bed, taking him with her when she saw Macavity curled up tightly in the middle of the cat-bed.