Pretty Scary Stuff
*A/N: This is post Older and Far Away. Spike and Tara are left outside.*
Spike and Tara stepped outside and watched everybody leave and the door close behind the sidewalk where they stood.
"So, have you gotten rid of that cramp yet, Spike?" Tara smirked at him. He watched her carefully.
"You know, don't you?"
"What would I know?" Tara smiled wickedly.
Spike laughed, "And I thought you were the sweet one."
"I always thought you were the bad one. But now look at you. What love can do to a vampire, huh Spike?"
"Now, what do you mean by that?" Spike gave her a Look.
"I mean that you're a softie now."
"Oh, am I? You sure you're not afraid of me, even a little?"
"Why should I be? What could you do, lick me to death? Oh, wait, that's- never mind."
Spike's eyebrow quirked, "So you *do* know."
Tara sighed, "What's there to know, Spike?"
"I don't understand."
"I mean, what does it mean to you? Does it mean anything but the climax?"
Spike eyed her, "You seem the type that would stutter while saying anything remotely sexual. What gives?"
"I have a surge of energy. I feel powerful tonight."
"You only feel that way because Red's given it up."
Tara opened her mouth, but didn't say anything.
"What?" Spike finally said, overcome by curiosity by the pensive space cadetedness.
"It's just... you can hurt Buffy. *And* she wants you. Now you're the powerful one again. Meaning that the roles have been switched- again. Does Buffy mean anything more to you, Spike? Or is it just the sex?"
"Does or did Willow mean anything to you? Or was it all the magical orgasms?"
"The sex was good," Tara blushed, and Spike laughed, "But it was the magic. Not the magic that she had, not the power that she craved or abused, not the magic that was even in her. It was the magic that *was* her that drew me to her. I'm the one who helped draw it out, I encouraged her. I helped her. I did things with her. I brought all of it out. And then I left her because of it."
"It wasn't your fault she got addicted, Tara. It was bound to happen."
"Was it? Or...what? If I hadn't come along, what would have triggered it?"
"Losing Oz nearly did. I was there, strapped in Giles' bathtub."
Tara laughed, but he continued, "She did this spell that did whatever she said...Buffy and I ended up engaged and the watcher ended up blind as a bat."
Tara's eyebrows shot up, "But it wore off, don't worry. Anyways, you taught her trust. You helped her discipline herself. And what about me? What would have happened if I hadn't been around to console Buffy? I was always the one she told about heaven, just days after she got back. She hung out with me... talked to me, got drunk with me... flirted, even. Everything was going great between us until Mr Song and Dance decided to drop into town. After I saved her life...she kissed me. And then she denied all feelings. And then she kissed me again. Then I told her she'd come back wrong... and it gave her the ammo and the reason to....it happened for the first time that night. We screamed, shouted, insulted and brought each other down....and then we brought the house down. Literally. It was a revolution, I said at the time. It was. But... it wasn't the kind that I wanted. I mean, I did...any sane guy would, but I wanted more. I wanted love, I wanted to make love to her and have her make love to me. I didn't want meaningless sex cause it made her feel alive. I told myself I was doing her a favour... but on a level, some level, I knew that I was making up a perfect imaginary set up in my mind. A life. I knew she didn't love me."
"Actually, I'm pretty sure that she does."
"*Sure*"
"I do. I don't think she completely knows it yet, but it will come. Eventually. Give her time, let her see what she's missing by not loving you. One night stands lack intimacy. If you love somebody completely, trust somebody completely... you can do anything. The possibilities are endless."
"Yeah. I know. It was like that with Dru sometimes. She was insane. She left me."
"She was insane cause she left you?"
"No....she was insane. Literally. But she's perceptive...she knows things."
"Oh."
"But Buffy....Buffy doesn't know anything. She doesn't know herself."
"That's why she's so messed up right now."
"Yeah."
"Spike?"
"What?"
"Tell her that you love her. Just once more. Let her know. Tell her that it's you, and she knows it's you. Ask her if she wants you. Ask her if she loves you. And if she doesn't... keep her away."
"But she'd go crazy."
"Yeah. But I happen to know that when you come back from being crazy, for a guy or a girl, the outcome is usually love. Do you think you can live without her....without *it* for a while?"
"Hopefully."
"You'll get over this. Like Buffy will. Like Willow and I will. It'll happen, Spike. Just give it time. When she told me about you guys...she was pretty messed up. But I think she loves you. Deep down. In some way or form. She loves you. Just be patient."
"I'll sure try..."
"Try. Do. It'll take willpower, Spike."
"I have power. If you can do it, I can."
"I'm sure you can."
"Maybe you are the sweet one after all."
"And maybe you're not as bad as I thought you were."
"Hopefully. And if you quote me on that, I promise you, I *WILL* lick you to death."
"As long it's not Buffy you're licking-to death- I don't care what you do."
Spike looked at her for a moment.
"Do you realize that we're actually having a conversation?"
"Yeah. Pretty scary stuff."
"Well, it ends here Missy!"
Tara laughed.
Spike glanced at her, "You need a walk home? There are some nasties lurking about."
"Sure. You swear you'll protect me?"
"Cross my heart. Except that would hurt. I'll just stick to Scout's honour."
"You were a Scout?"
"No, they didn't have them in my day. I ate one once, though."
"Are you trying to freak me out?"
"Is it working?"
"Sort of."
"Thanks."