Title: Labyrinth
Author: Jedi Rita
Rated: PG-13
Chapter Thirteen
A week after the abductees had been safely returned, the Senate called for a vote on a bill that would place the new cloning technology exclusively into government control. The public had been outraged by the abduction, and the anti-cloning factions had found themselves with little support. The members of the Hammer were eventually discovered and arrested, as were key leaders of the True Life Movement. General opinion held that the cloning technology was too valuable to remain in private hands where it could be easily abused.
Padme attended the historic vote, but she did not sit in the Naboo/Gungan senate box. The coveted technology belonged to Jar Jar's people. It was his moment, and she did not want to take away from it by her presence. There were many people on Coruscant who found non-humans to be inferior. If she appeared at this moment, they would look to her rather than Jar Jar as the supplier of the cloning technology. So she attended the vote dressed as a handmaiden rather than a queen, and she sat in the Alderaani box as Bail Organa's invited guest.
The speeches during the debate seemed to be more full of bombast than of substance. It disturbed Padme to hear herself, Jar Jar, and Bail lifted up as near-martyrs to the cause of cloning. The speakers relished assigning blame for the abduction and the fanaticism that had inspired it on all kinds of people. Government control was lifted up as the one safe harbor for such vital but dangerous technology. Throughout the debate, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine sat calmly listening, his brow furrowed in concern at the charge everyone was so eager to place into government hands. He had made it clear that while he would have preferred not to take such a drastic measure, the heightened climate of unreason and terror fostered by the abduction had made it necessary.
At last the vote was called for. Padme watched as Bail registered an affirmative vote on his console, but he did so with a heavy sigh. "It will pass, of course," he observed, looking out across the Senate chamber, his expression troubled. "What else can we do? Private interests will not have the common good in mind. But to place the technology into the control of such a government...." He shook his head, then turned to her with a slight smile. "You were thinking about joining us here in the Senate. I can't say I would recommend anyone becoming a part of this government. On the other hand I must con-fess that I would be heartened to have you as a colleague."
She only smiled warmly at him. She was not ready to speak her mind about her decision.
Bail sighed again and stood up. "I've had enough business for one day. Will you walk with me back to my office?"
"Certainly."
They exited the box, and Bail drew her hand through his arm. "You have proven to be a most formidable individual, Your Majesty. Far be it from me to try to influence your decision, but I think if anyone can turn the Republic around, it would be you."
"You are far too flattering," she dismissed.
"I think not. I saw you face down two bounty hunters with a blaster no bigger than my hand. You can be quite intimidating, and I for one would hate to cross you."
"My little blaster didn't stop them, though," she pointed out.
"No. That was your skill at hand-to-hand combat."
Padme laughed. "Is that how you remember it?"
"Absolutely, and my memory never fails me. Whether you serve as Senator or Queen, Naboo is fortunate to have you."
"And Coruscant is fortunate to have you."
"Would that everyone agreed with you! But I'm afraid I failed to show you a very entertaining time here on Coruscant."
"On the contrary, I found my time here to be very entertaining, after a fashion."
He gave her a skeptical glance. "You have a rather sick idea of entertainment."
"All right, maybe 'entertaining' isn't the right word. But the company was excellent."
They arrived at the Alderaani suite, and Bail led her to his office, where he opened a cabinet and removed a bottle of wine. He held it up. "Would you care for some fortification?"
"Sounds excellent," she agreed.
He poured out two glasses, then joined her on the couch. "You should feel honored. This bottle is reserved for Obi-Wan. But since you are such a close personal friend of his, I don't think he'll mind me sharing it with you."
Taking a sip from her drink, she asked mildly, "Are you seeing him tonight?"
"No."
"Why not?"
He shrugged. "When he wants to see me, he calls. Those are the rules."
"How ridiculous!" Padme scoffed. "And who made up these rules?"
"I suppose I did."
"Are you at least going to talk to him?"
He didn't have to ask what she was referring to. "No. He doesn't need to hear about all that." When she gave him a skeptical look, he turned the tables back on her. "Are you going to talk to Anakin?"
There was certainly much they could talk about: his recklessness that had led to Obi-Wan's injury, his attack on Bail and subsequent repentance, his dream, the choice that had been forced upon him, and above all the mystery of his attachment to Padme. These things probably should be discussed, but they were too deep, too weighty. How could she broach such subjects with him? "No, I suppose I won't talk with him, either," she admitted at last.
For a long time neither of them spoke, each pondering the things that could not be said. As Bail's thoughts wandered, they eventually came around to an aspect of their trip that had astounded him. "I can't believe you actually faced Anakin down when he...." He still couldn't bring himself to mention the assault out loud. "You even slapped him! I thought for certain he would attack you, but he didn't."
Padme asserted, "Anakin would never hurt me."
But Bail wasn't so sure. "He was out of control. Who knows what he might have done, however unintentionally? Yet you stopped him with barely more than a look. In some ways, that's even more impressive than your stand against the bounty hunters. I dare say you have a greater influence over Anakin than Obi-Wan does. Where does it come from? This is far more than a crush."
Padme bristled at his characterization of Anakin as posing a danger to her. "Why do you dislike him so?"
Surprised, Bail protested, "I don't dislike him. He's the one who doesn't like me."
"But you are always talking about how he's so disobedient, a wild child, how he has no friends and he's out of control."
"He is," Bail asserted, then considered. "Maybe he has changed since you first met him. That was, what, five years ago? Tell me what he was like then," he encouraged.
"He was a sweet little boy." Padme turned her mind back to when she and Anakin had first met, recalling her own desperate situation, and the change Anakin had made in her life. "He gave us shelter in his home when we were strangers to him. He offered to help us get the money we needed to repair my ship's hyperdrive. He was so open, so enthusiastic and eager to share everything he had. And he did it -- he won that race and got us the money we needed. I don't know what we would've done without him." Her eyes clouded as she realized that the events on Tatooine had set in motion changes in Anakin that began even in the short time she'd known him. "In a way, because he helped us he ended up losing everything he had. He was freed, enabling him to come with us, but that meant he had to leave his mother and go alone into a galaxy he knew nothing about. I owe him everything, because he gave up everything for me."
"He really loves you," Bail observed, "and you love him."
Hopelessly, Padme nodded.
With a tender smile, Bail shook his head. "One should never fall for a Jedi."
Again his words seemed callous. "Why not?" Padme shot back.
"Because once you fall in, you can't get back out again. Maybe it's their legendary mind tricks." He smiled, then glanced away, sinking into thought. "Or maybe it's their neediness. They devote their whole lives to helping other people, putting other people's needs ahead of their own. But who helps them?"
"They help each other," Padme observed.
"Yes, but that's sort of like the blind leading the blind. I can hardly be considered an expert on the Jedi, but I've known Obi-Wan a long time. For all that he is always running around the galaxy saving people, it strikes me sometimes that he knows very little about the reality those people live in. He knows only the crises: the collapse of governments, marauding pirates. What does he know of how ordinary people live their lives? About income tax and public school systems and medical insurance? What do Jedi really know about falling in and out of love, of getting married and divorced? What do they know about how to care about somebody without a code to govern the relationship? Anakin knows a little of the real world because he grew up apart from the Temple. But now they're trying to force him into their mold, and he doesn't fit very well. He is caught between two worlds. No wonder Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do with him."
Padme thought back on what she had seen of Obi-Wan. For all that he had amazing skills as a Jedi, he seemed extraordinarily inept at interpersonal relationships. Perhaps that was why she had always seen him as cold. He was so unlike Qui-Gon, who had been eager to let people into his life. She knew Obi-Wan better now and could see that he cared deeply for Anakin and Bail, and in his own way for her and Jar Jar as well. Yet for all that he loved Bail, he never seemed to express it. She couldn't see why Bail would want to remain with someone who called him so rarely, but then it wasn't her life to live. Instead she had Anakin, who wore his love openly, perhaps too openly. "The difference between Obi-Wan and Anakin is that Anakin knows what he wants and isn't afraid to ask for it."
"Yes, but for the Jedi that isn't a virtue. Hence the irony: I would do absolutely anything for Obi-Wan, but he will never ask."
His comment reminded her of how she'd once felt about Qui-Gon. He had always been so maddeningly calm in the face of any adversity, that she at one point thought a law should be passed requiring the Jedi to demonstrate an emotion at least once a year. Anakin did not have that problem. "I think the Jedi could learn a lot from Anakin."
Bail nodded thoughtfully. "If only they would listen."
*****
Anakin and Obi-Wan stood once more in the Council chamber. Anakin hated appearing before the Council. No matter what the subject was he always felt that somehow he was the real object of scrutiny. He felt exposed, enclosed on all sides by the Masters, unable to hide from their penetrating gaze. /See through you, we can,/ Yoda had said the first time he'd appeared before them. Anakin didn't like feeling so...naked. At least the absence of so many Council members meant that he wasn't completely surrounded. He could even have a clear view out of the window that was not obstructed by some sanctimonious Master. He was supposed to keep his eyes on the Masters as a sign of respect, but he didn't like to, and this time he had an excuse not to look at them at all.
Instead, his eyes were fixed steadily on his own master. Obi-Wan might only rank as a Knight, but Anakin felt he far outweighed any of the Council members in wisdom and valor. But that wasn't why he watched him now as he gave his report on the abduction. Rather, Anakin was worried about his master's health. Obi-Wan had been near death when they had recovered him. They had immediately taken him to a hospital where he had surgery to repair the internal damage. For a day, Obi-Wan's status had been uncertain. He had lost a tremendous amount of blood, and his wounds had become severely infected. During all that time Anakin had never left his side, refusing to be treated for his own injuries until he knew his master was safe. Finally Obi-Wan had regained consciousness, just long enough to smile at his padawan and then scold him for not letting the doctors tend to him. Anakin had never been happier to receive a scolding in his life.
He knew Obi-Wan would be fine, but his master had not yet fully recovered. The healers had only discharged him from the infirmary three days ago, and he still tired quickly. Though Obi-Wan hid it well, Anakin could tell his master was weary from standing in front of the Council. Surely the Masters must be able to see Obi-Wan's fatigue. Didn't they care?
At last Anakin couldn't take it anymore. Interrupting Obi-Wan, he demanded, "Can't my master sit down?"
Mace rested his granite eyes on Anakin. A padawan should only speak when spoken to before the Council, and he should never interrupt his own master. Anakin met Mace's gaze without flinching, and to his surprise, Mace relented. "Yes, of course. Have a seat, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan hesitated. Not once in all the times he had appeared before the Council had he ever sat in their presence. He was shocked that Anakin had made the request, but since it had been granted he wasn't about to refuse. With a small bow, he took the seat normally reserved for Eeth Koth, grateful to get off his feet.
Anakin moved to stand at Obi-Wan's elbow, but Mace offered, "You may sit as well, Anakin."
Anakin was so surprised he almost forgot to bow before seating himself in Depa Billaba's chair, next to Obi-Wan. It took all his powers of concentration not to smile. He was sitting in a Master's chair! None of the other padawans would believe it.
"Please continue, Obi-Wan," Mace indicated.
Obi-Wan resumed his narrative. He had been telling them about the bounty hunters, and he had just gotten to the part where Anakin had abandoned his flank. Of course he didn't put it that way. He merely said that Anakin had gone to head off one of the hunters who was firing upon the others sheltered in the doorway. The Masters were not fooled, however. Every single one of them understood the recklessness of Anakin's behavior, but it was not their place to correct Anakin themselves. Nevertheless, Anakin was relieved that Mace merely raised an eyebrow and didn't give him one of his infamous lectures.
Obi-Wan likewise made no mention of Anakin's outburst against Jar Jar and Bail. Instead he described Anakin's discovery that they were being tracked through the Force. At this news, all of the Masters turned their attention to Anakin, who struggled not to squirm beneath the weight of their collective gazes.
"How did you know this?" Mace asked coolly.
Anakin took a moment to collect himself before answering. "I could sense it, like a mental probe, only very faint." He thought Mace would challenge him. After all, most padawans were not that sensitive to the Force. But then he wasn't most padawans. Even Master Mace acknowledged that.
"Could you identify the source of the probe?"
Anakin shook his head.
"Do you think it could have been a Sith?"
"I wouldn't know what one feels like, Master," Anakin pointed out.
His face impassive, Mace turned back to Obi-Wan, letting Anakin off the hook -- for the time being. Obi-Wan continued with his report, up to the point where they had left him behind. Now it was Anakin's turn. He sure hoped he didn't have to tell them everything. Obi-Wan was a different matter. He had already told his master all that had transpired -- or almost all of it. He hadn't mentioned the dream. After all, dreams were a reflection of the subconscious, and not a reflection of what one had actually done. Nor had he told Obi-Wan what exactly he had said to Bail when he attacked him, merely that he had yelled at him and said things to hurt him. Obi-Wan had been deeply disturbed both to hear that Anakin had lost control so completely and that Bail had been his victim. He and Anakin had talked for a long time about the incident, but he had not pressed to know exactly what Anakin had said.
So in his report to the Council, Anakin stuck to the relevant facts: their capture by the squatters, the arrival of the Fetts, the deal they had made with Anakin, and the fight. But this time his actions were not going to get by without comment.
"It was very foolhardy to make such a deal with the Fetts," Master Mace rebuked. "You placed yourself in their power."
"I'm sorry, Master," Anakin said, but he didn't really mean it. "I didn't have much of a choice."
"One always has choices, Anakin, but sometimes those choices are difficult to see. I'm sure your master will review this scenario with you to help you discover what other courses of action lay before you."
"Yes, Master," Anakin offered submissively.
Mace turned again to Obi-Wan. "Thank you for your report. As you know, the leaders of the Hammer have been arrested. They have confirmed that they were indeed aided by an independent source, but they know nothing of who or what that source is. It is unlikely that we will be able to discover anything further. The Senate has voted to turn the cloning technology over to government control, but we have no idea if that was the ultimate intent behind the abduction, or if there was another purpose. The important thing is that you rescued Senator Organa, the Queen, and the Gungan Ambassador safe and sound. For that, you are to be commended." Master Mace leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingertips before him. "You are dismissed. May the Force be with you."
Obi-Wan and Anakin stood and bowed to the Masters, then left the Council room. When the door closed behind them, they walked slowly, thoughtfully down the hall. Despite Mace's commendation, Obi-Wan couldn't help but feel that he had not delivered anyone safely. That had been Anakin's doing, and if not him then at least Master Adi, Bant, and Bo-Neda. But once again the Council had found reasons to disapprove of Anakin's actions. Would his padawan never satisfy their exacting standards?
Anakin was also concerned with their disapproval, but for a different reason. Troubled, he burst out, "How can Master Mace say I shouldn't have made the deal with the Fetts? What else could I do?"
Not wanting to disagree with Mace, Obi-Wan mildly observed, "He was right about it placing you in the Fett's power."
"But aren't you always telling me that things don't always work out the way we want? That we have to be flexible? I couldn't possibly have defeated all the Fetts. If I'd tried, we all would have died."
"He may also be concerned about the effect it has on you to be placed in such a situation. You were given the illusion of a choice, but it was one designed to make you feel guilty. No doubt the Fett intended to make it worse for you, to make you feel that in choosing for one to live, you chose the others to die."
Anakin was silent for moment. "It does sort of feel like that. I know they don't want to blame me, but surely they must, at least a little bit."
Obi-Wan rested a compassionate hand on his padawan's shoulder. "They understand, Anakin. They don't blame you at all. Nor should you blame yourself."
"I don't, Master," Anakin replied with sober conviction. "I made the right choice."
But his certainty disturbed Obi-Wan. "When people's lives are at stake, there can't be right or wrong when it comes to choosing between them. All lives are valuable."
"I know that. I didn't want any of them to die. But a padawan's first duty is to his master, isn't it? That's why I chose you."
Confused, Obi-Wan blink twice before saying, "I don't understand. Chose me?"
"If one of them was let go, that meant someone would be able to go back and get you. I had to agree for your sake. The Fett said he would kill me, and I had no reason to doubt him, which meant my choice was obvious. If you had to lose me, I didn't want you to lose us both." He paused, his gaze naked and young as he searched Obi-Wan's face for approval. "I picked Bail."
Obi-Wan was completely stunned. He, like all of them, had been certain Anakin had picked Padme. Everyone understood that his love for Padme was the purest thing in his life, that he would defend her first and foremost. No doubt that partiality was part of what Mace disapproved of, but Obi-Wan could not see Anakin's love for Padme to be wrong. So to learn that instead Anakin had placed Obi-Wan's heart above his own left him dumbfounded. The choice must have broken the boy's heart. "Oh, Anakin," he whispered helplessly.
Anakin sensed Obi-Wan's ambivalence. "It was the only choice, Master. I had to pick for you," he said, half-pleading. "Is that wrong?"
What could Obi-Wan say? Somehow he'd never thought of it before, that he might have lost both Anakin and Bail. The realization horrified him, but what had it cost his padawan? Obi-Wan wasn't sure he could approve of such an enormous sacrifice. It was not the kind of sacrifice a Jedi would make. It was one a friend would make, so how could he reject it? Once again Anakin had stepped out of the realm of everything Obi-Wan knew, and he was at a complete loss as to how to respond.
So he did the only thing he could. He reached out to Anakin and pulled him tightly into his embrace. "No, Anakin, it isn't wrong," he said at last, his heart aching. "But next time, pick for yourself." He knew Mace would not agree with such advice, but right now he didn't care.
For a long moment, Anakin returned Obi-Wan's embrace. Then a thought troubled him. "You won't tell anyone, will you, Master? Especially not Bail."
"No," he promised. He doubted Bail would believe him anyway.
Relief flooded through Anakin. All that mattered anymore was that his master was alive, that all of them were alive, that he hadn't had to lose Padme after all. Right now any sacrifice seemed worth it if made for his master's sake. "I love you, Obi-Wan."
There it was again: that overwhelming love that was not quite proper in a master- padawan relationship. The Council would definitely not approve. But for now Obi-Wan did not concern himself with their disapproval or with the propriety of it. He chose to accept Anakin's love as a gift, from one friend to another. If it didn't feel exactly right, nevertheless it felt good, and he bathed himself in its light. "I love you, too, Anakin," he said, and he had never meant any words more.
*****
And the beast lay dormant, curled up in Anakin's heart, quiet for now. It had much to ponder, and it would forget nothing.
***********************************
Epilogue
(for those of you who felt this story lacked something)
Several days later, Bant joined Obi-Wan for breakfast. She gave a wistful sigh as she stared down at her meal.
Obi-Wan heard her and glanced up, concerned. "What is it?"
Idly she shoved the food around her plate with her fork. "Why didn't you ever mention Jar Jar before?"
Confused, Obi-Wan said, "I beg your pardon?"
"I'm surprised you never told me about him. When he came to visit you in the infirmary, I offered to take him on a tour of the Temple. We went swimming in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. I've never met anyone who could swim as well as me." She gave Obi-Wan a saucy glance. "You certainly can't."
"Sorry," he returned.
Her silver eyes took on a dreamy look. "While we were underwater, he sang to me. It was so beautiful."
"Yes, I've heard about Jar Jar's singing ability," he remarked dryly. "Permit me to be skeptical."
Surprised, she asked, "Don't you like Jar Jar?"
"I find a little of him to go a very long way."
"How can you say that?" she rebuked, eager to jump to the Gungan's defense. "He's so cute. And very funny. I love his sense of humor. And he's very charming and sweet, and…."
As Bant raved on with her list of Jar Jar's virtues, Obi-Wan suppressed a groan. /Force preserve me!/ he thought in despair. /Jar Jar has made a conquest!/
Author: Jedi Rita
Rated: PG-13
Chapter Thirteen
A week after the abductees had been safely returned, the Senate called for a vote on a bill that would place the new cloning technology exclusively into government control. The public had been outraged by the abduction, and the anti-cloning factions had found themselves with little support. The members of the Hammer were eventually discovered and arrested, as were key leaders of the True Life Movement. General opinion held that the cloning technology was too valuable to remain in private hands where it could be easily abused.
Padme attended the historic vote, but she did not sit in the Naboo/Gungan senate box. The coveted technology belonged to Jar Jar's people. It was his moment, and she did not want to take away from it by her presence. There were many people on Coruscant who found non-humans to be inferior. If she appeared at this moment, they would look to her rather than Jar Jar as the supplier of the cloning technology. So she attended the vote dressed as a handmaiden rather than a queen, and she sat in the Alderaani box as Bail Organa's invited guest.
The speeches during the debate seemed to be more full of bombast than of substance. It disturbed Padme to hear herself, Jar Jar, and Bail lifted up as near-martyrs to the cause of cloning. The speakers relished assigning blame for the abduction and the fanaticism that had inspired it on all kinds of people. Government control was lifted up as the one safe harbor for such vital but dangerous technology. Throughout the debate, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine sat calmly listening, his brow furrowed in concern at the charge everyone was so eager to place into government hands. He had made it clear that while he would have preferred not to take such a drastic measure, the heightened climate of unreason and terror fostered by the abduction had made it necessary.
At last the vote was called for. Padme watched as Bail registered an affirmative vote on his console, but he did so with a heavy sigh. "It will pass, of course," he observed, looking out across the Senate chamber, his expression troubled. "What else can we do? Private interests will not have the common good in mind. But to place the technology into the control of such a government...." He shook his head, then turned to her with a slight smile. "You were thinking about joining us here in the Senate. I can't say I would recommend anyone becoming a part of this government. On the other hand I must con-fess that I would be heartened to have you as a colleague."
She only smiled warmly at him. She was not ready to speak her mind about her decision.
Bail sighed again and stood up. "I've had enough business for one day. Will you walk with me back to my office?"
"Certainly."
They exited the box, and Bail drew her hand through his arm. "You have proven to be a most formidable individual, Your Majesty. Far be it from me to try to influence your decision, but I think if anyone can turn the Republic around, it would be you."
"You are far too flattering," she dismissed.
"I think not. I saw you face down two bounty hunters with a blaster no bigger than my hand. You can be quite intimidating, and I for one would hate to cross you."
"My little blaster didn't stop them, though," she pointed out.
"No. That was your skill at hand-to-hand combat."
Padme laughed. "Is that how you remember it?"
"Absolutely, and my memory never fails me. Whether you serve as Senator or Queen, Naboo is fortunate to have you."
"And Coruscant is fortunate to have you."
"Would that everyone agreed with you! But I'm afraid I failed to show you a very entertaining time here on Coruscant."
"On the contrary, I found my time here to be very entertaining, after a fashion."
He gave her a skeptical glance. "You have a rather sick idea of entertainment."
"All right, maybe 'entertaining' isn't the right word. But the company was excellent."
They arrived at the Alderaani suite, and Bail led her to his office, where he opened a cabinet and removed a bottle of wine. He held it up. "Would you care for some fortification?"
"Sounds excellent," she agreed.
He poured out two glasses, then joined her on the couch. "You should feel honored. This bottle is reserved for Obi-Wan. But since you are such a close personal friend of his, I don't think he'll mind me sharing it with you."
Taking a sip from her drink, she asked mildly, "Are you seeing him tonight?"
"No."
"Why not?"
He shrugged. "When he wants to see me, he calls. Those are the rules."
"How ridiculous!" Padme scoffed. "And who made up these rules?"
"I suppose I did."
"Are you at least going to talk to him?"
He didn't have to ask what she was referring to. "No. He doesn't need to hear about all that." When she gave him a skeptical look, he turned the tables back on her. "Are you going to talk to Anakin?"
There was certainly much they could talk about: his recklessness that had led to Obi-Wan's injury, his attack on Bail and subsequent repentance, his dream, the choice that had been forced upon him, and above all the mystery of his attachment to Padme. These things probably should be discussed, but they were too deep, too weighty. How could she broach such subjects with him? "No, I suppose I won't talk with him, either," she admitted at last.
For a long time neither of them spoke, each pondering the things that could not be said. As Bail's thoughts wandered, they eventually came around to an aspect of their trip that had astounded him. "I can't believe you actually faced Anakin down when he...." He still couldn't bring himself to mention the assault out loud. "You even slapped him! I thought for certain he would attack you, but he didn't."
Padme asserted, "Anakin would never hurt me."
But Bail wasn't so sure. "He was out of control. Who knows what he might have done, however unintentionally? Yet you stopped him with barely more than a look. In some ways, that's even more impressive than your stand against the bounty hunters. I dare say you have a greater influence over Anakin than Obi-Wan does. Where does it come from? This is far more than a crush."
Padme bristled at his characterization of Anakin as posing a danger to her. "Why do you dislike him so?"
Surprised, Bail protested, "I don't dislike him. He's the one who doesn't like me."
"But you are always talking about how he's so disobedient, a wild child, how he has no friends and he's out of control."
"He is," Bail asserted, then considered. "Maybe he has changed since you first met him. That was, what, five years ago? Tell me what he was like then," he encouraged.
"He was a sweet little boy." Padme turned her mind back to when she and Anakin had first met, recalling her own desperate situation, and the change Anakin had made in her life. "He gave us shelter in his home when we were strangers to him. He offered to help us get the money we needed to repair my ship's hyperdrive. He was so open, so enthusiastic and eager to share everything he had. And he did it -- he won that race and got us the money we needed. I don't know what we would've done without him." Her eyes clouded as she realized that the events on Tatooine had set in motion changes in Anakin that began even in the short time she'd known him. "In a way, because he helped us he ended up losing everything he had. He was freed, enabling him to come with us, but that meant he had to leave his mother and go alone into a galaxy he knew nothing about. I owe him everything, because he gave up everything for me."
"He really loves you," Bail observed, "and you love him."
Hopelessly, Padme nodded.
With a tender smile, Bail shook his head. "One should never fall for a Jedi."
Again his words seemed callous. "Why not?" Padme shot back.
"Because once you fall in, you can't get back out again. Maybe it's their legendary mind tricks." He smiled, then glanced away, sinking into thought. "Or maybe it's their neediness. They devote their whole lives to helping other people, putting other people's needs ahead of their own. But who helps them?"
"They help each other," Padme observed.
"Yes, but that's sort of like the blind leading the blind. I can hardly be considered an expert on the Jedi, but I've known Obi-Wan a long time. For all that he is always running around the galaxy saving people, it strikes me sometimes that he knows very little about the reality those people live in. He knows only the crises: the collapse of governments, marauding pirates. What does he know of how ordinary people live their lives? About income tax and public school systems and medical insurance? What do Jedi really know about falling in and out of love, of getting married and divorced? What do they know about how to care about somebody without a code to govern the relationship? Anakin knows a little of the real world because he grew up apart from the Temple. But now they're trying to force him into their mold, and he doesn't fit very well. He is caught between two worlds. No wonder Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do with him."
Padme thought back on what she had seen of Obi-Wan. For all that he had amazing skills as a Jedi, he seemed extraordinarily inept at interpersonal relationships. Perhaps that was why she had always seen him as cold. He was so unlike Qui-Gon, who had been eager to let people into his life. She knew Obi-Wan better now and could see that he cared deeply for Anakin and Bail, and in his own way for her and Jar Jar as well. Yet for all that he loved Bail, he never seemed to express it. She couldn't see why Bail would want to remain with someone who called him so rarely, but then it wasn't her life to live. Instead she had Anakin, who wore his love openly, perhaps too openly. "The difference between Obi-Wan and Anakin is that Anakin knows what he wants and isn't afraid to ask for it."
"Yes, but for the Jedi that isn't a virtue. Hence the irony: I would do absolutely anything for Obi-Wan, but he will never ask."
His comment reminded her of how she'd once felt about Qui-Gon. He had always been so maddeningly calm in the face of any adversity, that she at one point thought a law should be passed requiring the Jedi to demonstrate an emotion at least once a year. Anakin did not have that problem. "I think the Jedi could learn a lot from Anakin."
Bail nodded thoughtfully. "If only they would listen."
*****
Anakin and Obi-Wan stood once more in the Council chamber. Anakin hated appearing before the Council. No matter what the subject was he always felt that somehow he was the real object of scrutiny. He felt exposed, enclosed on all sides by the Masters, unable to hide from their penetrating gaze. /See through you, we can,/ Yoda had said the first time he'd appeared before them. Anakin didn't like feeling so...naked. At least the absence of so many Council members meant that he wasn't completely surrounded. He could even have a clear view out of the window that was not obstructed by some sanctimonious Master. He was supposed to keep his eyes on the Masters as a sign of respect, but he didn't like to, and this time he had an excuse not to look at them at all.
Instead, his eyes were fixed steadily on his own master. Obi-Wan might only rank as a Knight, but Anakin felt he far outweighed any of the Council members in wisdom and valor. But that wasn't why he watched him now as he gave his report on the abduction. Rather, Anakin was worried about his master's health. Obi-Wan had been near death when they had recovered him. They had immediately taken him to a hospital where he had surgery to repair the internal damage. For a day, Obi-Wan's status had been uncertain. He had lost a tremendous amount of blood, and his wounds had become severely infected. During all that time Anakin had never left his side, refusing to be treated for his own injuries until he knew his master was safe. Finally Obi-Wan had regained consciousness, just long enough to smile at his padawan and then scold him for not letting the doctors tend to him. Anakin had never been happier to receive a scolding in his life.
He knew Obi-Wan would be fine, but his master had not yet fully recovered. The healers had only discharged him from the infirmary three days ago, and he still tired quickly. Though Obi-Wan hid it well, Anakin could tell his master was weary from standing in front of the Council. Surely the Masters must be able to see Obi-Wan's fatigue. Didn't they care?
At last Anakin couldn't take it anymore. Interrupting Obi-Wan, he demanded, "Can't my master sit down?"
Mace rested his granite eyes on Anakin. A padawan should only speak when spoken to before the Council, and he should never interrupt his own master. Anakin met Mace's gaze without flinching, and to his surprise, Mace relented. "Yes, of course. Have a seat, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan hesitated. Not once in all the times he had appeared before the Council had he ever sat in their presence. He was shocked that Anakin had made the request, but since it had been granted he wasn't about to refuse. With a small bow, he took the seat normally reserved for Eeth Koth, grateful to get off his feet.
Anakin moved to stand at Obi-Wan's elbow, but Mace offered, "You may sit as well, Anakin."
Anakin was so surprised he almost forgot to bow before seating himself in Depa Billaba's chair, next to Obi-Wan. It took all his powers of concentration not to smile. He was sitting in a Master's chair! None of the other padawans would believe it.
"Please continue, Obi-Wan," Mace indicated.
Obi-Wan resumed his narrative. He had been telling them about the bounty hunters, and he had just gotten to the part where Anakin had abandoned his flank. Of course he didn't put it that way. He merely said that Anakin had gone to head off one of the hunters who was firing upon the others sheltered in the doorway. The Masters were not fooled, however. Every single one of them understood the recklessness of Anakin's behavior, but it was not their place to correct Anakin themselves. Nevertheless, Anakin was relieved that Mace merely raised an eyebrow and didn't give him one of his infamous lectures.
Obi-Wan likewise made no mention of Anakin's outburst against Jar Jar and Bail. Instead he described Anakin's discovery that they were being tracked through the Force. At this news, all of the Masters turned their attention to Anakin, who struggled not to squirm beneath the weight of their collective gazes.
"How did you know this?" Mace asked coolly.
Anakin took a moment to collect himself before answering. "I could sense it, like a mental probe, only very faint." He thought Mace would challenge him. After all, most padawans were not that sensitive to the Force. But then he wasn't most padawans. Even Master Mace acknowledged that.
"Could you identify the source of the probe?"
Anakin shook his head.
"Do you think it could have been a Sith?"
"I wouldn't know what one feels like, Master," Anakin pointed out.
His face impassive, Mace turned back to Obi-Wan, letting Anakin off the hook -- for the time being. Obi-Wan continued with his report, up to the point where they had left him behind. Now it was Anakin's turn. He sure hoped he didn't have to tell them everything. Obi-Wan was a different matter. He had already told his master all that had transpired -- or almost all of it. He hadn't mentioned the dream. After all, dreams were a reflection of the subconscious, and not a reflection of what one had actually done. Nor had he told Obi-Wan what exactly he had said to Bail when he attacked him, merely that he had yelled at him and said things to hurt him. Obi-Wan had been deeply disturbed both to hear that Anakin had lost control so completely and that Bail had been his victim. He and Anakin had talked for a long time about the incident, but he had not pressed to know exactly what Anakin had said.
So in his report to the Council, Anakin stuck to the relevant facts: their capture by the squatters, the arrival of the Fetts, the deal they had made with Anakin, and the fight. But this time his actions were not going to get by without comment.
"It was very foolhardy to make such a deal with the Fetts," Master Mace rebuked. "You placed yourself in their power."
"I'm sorry, Master," Anakin said, but he didn't really mean it. "I didn't have much of a choice."
"One always has choices, Anakin, but sometimes those choices are difficult to see. I'm sure your master will review this scenario with you to help you discover what other courses of action lay before you."
"Yes, Master," Anakin offered submissively.
Mace turned again to Obi-Wan. "Thank you for your report. As you know, the leaders of the Hammer have been arrested. They have confirmed that they were indeed aided by an independent source, but they know nothing of who or what that source is. It is unlikely that we will be able to discover anything further. The Senate has voted to turn the cloning technology over to government control, but we have no idea if that was the ultimate intent behind the abduction, or if there was another purpose. The important thing is that you rescued Senator Organa, the Queen, and the Gungan Ambassador safe and sound. For that, you are to be commended." Master Mace leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingertips before him. "You are dismissed. May the Force be with you."
Obi-Wan and Anakin stood and bowed to the Masters, then left the Council room. When the door closed behind them, they walked slowly, thoughtfully down the hall. Despite Mace's commendation, Obi-Wan couldn't help but feel that he had not delivered anyone safely. That had been Anakin's doing, and if not him then at least Master Adi, Bant, and Bo-Neda. But once again the Council had found reasons to disapprove of Anakin's actions. Would his padawan never satisfy their exacting standards?
Anakin was also concerned with their disapproval, but for a different reason. Troubled, he burst out, "How can Master Mace say I shouldn't have made the deal with the Fetts? What else could I do?"
Not wanting to disagree with Mace, Obi-Wan mildly observed, "He was right about it placing you in the Fett's power."
"But aren't you always telling me that things don't always work out the way we want? That we have to be flexible? I couldn't possibly have defeated all the Fetts. If I'd tried, we all would have died."
"He may also be concerned about the effect it has on you to be placed in such a situation. You were given the illusion of a choice, but it was one designed to make you feel guilty. No doubt the Fett intended to make it worse for you, to make you feel that in choosing for one to live, you chose the others to die."
Anakin was silent for moment. "It does sort of feel like that. I know they don't want to blame me, but surely they must, at least a little bit."
Obi-Wan rested a compassionate hand on his padawan's shoulder. "They understand, Anakin. They don't blame you at all. Nor should you blame yourself."
"I don't, Master," Anakin replied with sober conviction. "I made the right choice."
But his certainty disturbed Obi-Wan. "When people's lives are at stake, there can't be right or wrong when it comes to choosing between them. All lives are valuable."
"I know that. I didn't want any of them to die. But a padawan's first duty is to his master, isn't it? That's why I chose you."
Confused, Obi-Wan blink twice before saying, "I don't understand. Chose me?"
"If one of them was let go, that meant someone would be able to go back and get you. I had to agree for your sake. The Fett said he would kill me, and I had no reason to doubt him, which meant my choice was obvious. If you had to lose me, I didn't want you to lose us both." He paused, his gaze naked and young as he searched Obi-Wan's face for approval. "I picked Bail."
Obi-Wan was completely stunned. He, like all of them, had been certain Anakin had picked Padme. Everyone understood that his love for Padme was the purest thing in his life, that he would defend her first and foremost. No doubt that partiality was part of what Mace disapproved of, but Obi-Wan could not see Anakin's love for Padme to be wrong. So to learn that instead Anakin had placed Obi-Wan's heart above his own left him dumbfounded. The choice must have broken the boy's heart. "Oh, Anakin," he whispered helplessly.
Anakin sensed Obi-Wan's ambivalence. "It was the only choice, Master. I had to pick for you," he said, half-pleading. "Is that wrong?"
What could Obi-Wan say? Somehow he'd never thought of it before, that he might have lost both Anakin and Bail. The realization horrified him, but what had it cost his padawan? Obi-Wan wasn't sure he could approve of such an enormous sacrifice. It was not the kind of sacrifice a Jedi would make. It was one a friend would make, so how could he reject it? Once again Anakin had stepped out of the realm of everything Obi-Wan knew, and he was at a complete loss as to how to respond.
So he did the only thing he could. He reached out to Anakin and pulled him tightly into his embrace. "No, Anakin, it isn't wrong," he said at last, his heart aching. "But next time, pick for yourself." He knew Mace would not agree with such advice, but right now he didn't care.
For a long moment, Anakin returned Obi-Wan's embrace. Then a thought troubled him. "You won't tell anyone, will you, Master? Especially not Bail."
"No," he promised. He doubted Bail would believe him anyway.
Relief flooded through Anakin. All that mattered anymore was that his master was alive, that all of them were alive, that he hadn't had to lose Padme after all. Right now any sacrifice seemed worth it if made for his master's sake. "I love you, Obi-Wan."
There it was again: that overwhelming love that was not quite proper in a master- padawan relationship. The Council would definitely not approve. But for now Obi-Wan did not concern himself with their disapproval or with the propriety of it. He chose to accept Anakin's love as a gift, from one friend to another. If it didn't feel exactly right, nevertheless it felt good, and he bathed himself in its light. "I love you, too, Anakin," he said, and he had never meant any words more.
*****
And the beast lay dormant, curled up in Anakin's heart, quiet for now. It had much to ponder, and it would forget nothing.
***********************************
Epilogue
(for those of you who felt this story lacked something)
Several days later, Bant joined Obi-Wan for breakfast. She gave a wistful sigh as she stared down at her meal.
Obi-Wan heard her and glanced up, concerned. "What is it?"
Idly she shoved the food around her plate with her fork. "Why didn't you ever mention Jar Jar before?"
Confused, Obi-Wan said, "I beg your pardon?"
"I'm surprised you never told me about him. When he came to visit you in the infirmary, I offered to take him on a tour of the Temple. We went swimming in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. I've never met anyone who could swim as well as me." She gave Obi-Wan a saucy glance. "You certainly can't."
"Sorry," he returned.
Her silver eyes took on a dreamy look. "While we were underwater, he sang to me. It was so beautiful."
"Yes, I've heard about Jar Jar's singing ability," he remarked dryly. "Permit me to be skeptical."
Surprised, she asked, "Don't you like Jar Jar?"
"I find a little of him to go a very long way."
"How can you say that?" she rebuked, eager to jump to the Gungan's defense. "He's so cute. And very funny. I love his sense of humor. And he's very charming and sweet, and…."
As Bant raved on with her list of Jar Jar's virtues, Obi-Wan suppressed a groan. /Force preserve me!/ he thought in despair. /Jar Jar has made a conquest!/