No Reason to Go On
Part 4: Breaking down
Ross picked quietly at his dinner. He'd not eaten any breakfast, but Rachel had forced him to eat some lunch.
Ross hadn't eaten for almost two days now, and it was beginning to catch up with him. On his left, Monica was shoveling more food onto her plate, and glanced longingly at Ross's chicken as she did this. On his other side, Rachel was also looking at his plate, but not because she was hungry. He'd barely eaten a thing, she noted with a glance at Ross.
"May I be excused?" Ross asked, forcing himself to take a few more bites of corn before getting up.
"Can I eat your chicken?" With out waiting for his consent, Monica dumped the entire contents of Ross's plate onto hers. Judy watched her daughter in disgust as Ross quietly walked upstairs.
Rachel watched him go, a worried expression on her face. She hesitated before deciding to follow. Muttering a quick excuse to Monica, she headed for the stairs.
She felt a twinge of guilt that she kept deserting her friend, but she knew that if Monica knew what was going on that she would understand.
Ross could here someone coming up the stairs, and hurried his pace. Someone, (he had the feeling he knew who) had taken the pocketknife from the bathroom. This had stopped Ross for most of today, but that afternoon he'd snuck into the kitchen when no one was looking and taken a knife from the drawr. It wasn't any old butter knife either, the blade had nearly made his fingers bleed when he'd picked it up to take upstairs.
Now, as he stood in the bathroom, holding the knife by its handle this time, he sighed. He couldn't do it. Not while Rachel was so near by…
But he could still stop eating, he thought to himself as he walked across the small room. Dropping to his knees, he began to force himself to vomit again. Or rather, try to vomit. He gagged and coughed heavily for quite sometime, before the by now familiar feeling of Nausea overwhelmed him.
By the time he was finished doing this, Ross was crying. He washed his face with hands that shook, and walked dizzily back to his room.
Managing to make it to his room with out collapsing, Ross laid down weakly on his bed. He pulled a drawer on his nightstand open, and pulled out a picture.
It had been taken three years before, on Monica and Rachel's first day of high school. They stood smiling next to each other, decked out in what Monica said had been the thing to wear at the time, because Rachel had told her so. Ross hadn't thought much of it at the time, but once the pictures had been developed, he'd stolen Monica's copy.
Ross studied the face of his sister and her best friend now with tear-filled eyes. Why couldn't he have a friend like that? Why couldn't he have a friend like Rachel? Was there something wrong with him?
Before Ross could think about Rachel anymore, the door of his bedroom opened, and Rachel walked quietly in.
"Hey," she crossed the room and sat down quietly on the bed beside him. "How are… Ross!" For the first time Rachel actually took a good look at him, and wished she hadn't.
Ross looked up at her with the unstoppable tears still streaming down his cheeks. Rachel moved away from him slightly, before changing her mind and moving closer then she'd been before.
"Why are you doing this?" Her tone was unreadable. Her voice was barely a whisper, but her face was expressionless.
"I-I don't know," Ross's voice shook as he said this. "I want to stop, I really do, but…" His voice broke completely now, and his shoulders shook with silent sobs.
Rachel's own eyes began to well up as she watched her best friend's brother fall apart right before her eyes. She hesitated for a moment, before reaching out and enveloping him in her arms.
His body felt lighter then it should, and his eyes were shadowed. Rachel felt Ross's arms wrap weakly around her, and she looked with concern at the deep gashes up and down them.
"Ross, what do you want me to do? I tried to hide your pocketknife, but that didn't do anything. I've tried to reason with you, but that didn't help either. I-I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help you…" She fell silent, as Ross continued to sob uncontrollably in her arms.
"There's nothing you can do." His voice was so quiet that Rachel had to lean even closer to him to hear it. "There's nothing anybody can do. I'm useless, I don't deserve to be helped!"
"Don't say that!" Rachel found herself yelling. "No one should say that! You're not useless, and anyone in your situation should be helped!"
"What's going on in here?" Monica poked her head around the partly opened door, and gasped at the site before her. "Ross! What's the matter?"
Her brother was unable to answer, he continued to lay limply in Rachel's arms.
Rachel met Monica's concerned gaze with her own, and quietly slid Ross's limp form out of her lap.
The two walked quietly out of the room, leaving Ross feeling more alone then ever.
Once they were in the silence of Monica's room, Monica turned on Rachel. "What's the matter with him?! Why was he crying? And why were those cuts on his arms?" Monica was almost in tears by this point, and Rachel struggled to keep her own voice steady.
"H-he's becoming an anorexic."
Monica gasped as her face paled. "Wh-what?"
"And he's been slitting his wrists." Rachel was surprised that she was so calm about this. It scared her to death that the things she heard about in books and on TV was actually happening to someone she knew.
"How long have you known about this?" Monica's eyes began to fill with tears of her own, and she collapsed weakly onto her bed.
Rachel sat down quietly beside her, before answering. "I saw him throwing up on Friday night, and figured out what was happening yesterday."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Monica asked, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Mon, I wanted to tell you, I really did. But," Rachel took a deep breath to steady her voice. "I-I don't know…. Something was holding me back. I-I'm sorry Monica. I'm sorry all of this is happening."
Monica moved over and the two girls shared a hug. It didn't make either of them feel better, especially Rachel who was having trouble breathing because of Monica's bulk.
They separated a moment later, and Rachel picked up Ross's sweatshirt from a nearby chair. "I'm going to go give this back to him," she said to Monica.
Monica nodded mutely, still in a sort of terrified shock that this was happening.
Rachel walked over to Ross's now quiet bedroom, and entered softly. Ross was lying in the same position Rachel had last seen him in, looking pale and scared.
"I just came to give this back." She said to Ross, who hadn't moved at all when she'd come in.
He still didn't reply, and Rachel bent over him with slight concern. She lifted his tear-soaked face from the bed, and studied it worriedly.
Ross had fallen asleep, but his expression was troubled. He looked like he would start crying at any second, and his breathing was shallow.
Rachel ran a hand across his cheek, before she placed his head on the pillow. She then brushing some hair gently out of his eyes, and covered him with the sweatshirt. Before she left the room, she leaned down and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Ross didn't stir, and Rachel doubted he'd even felt her do it.
But as she left the room, she failed to see that Ross's expression had changed. Though he still looked upset, his breathing had returned to normal, and he'd relaxed slightly.
A few minutes later, Monica walked in quietly. She looked with fear and concern at her brother.
She patted quietly over to him, and kissed him just as Rachel had done before her. Ross's expression remained the same, and Monica left soon after.
Though now Monica knew Ross's secret, the three were no closer then they had been before to stopping it. And this was probably the scarryest part for Rachel. It was the scarryest part for all of them, actually.
[A/N
That ending was lame, no? Well, I hoped that all you Monica fans liked her being in more of this. Sorry that she doesn't have a bigger part, I'm trying to focus on Ross and Rachel's feelings on the subject.
Oh yeah, and Ross gets more and more OOC every part, I'm sorry about that too. I have this weird thing with my fave characters crying… don't ask (O.o)
Well, I'll try to get another part up tomorrow, but I've got the flue right now so I don't really feel like doing much. If I don't get the next chapter up before the holidays, Merry Christmas! Or if you don't celebrate Christmas, happy holidays!
L_angel]
Part 4: Breaking down
Ross picked quietly at his dinner. He'd not eaten any breakfast, but Rachel had forced him to eat some lunch.
Ross hadn't eaten for almost two days now, and it was beginning to catch up with him. On his left, Monica was shoveling more food onto her plate, and glanced longingly at Ross's chicken as she did this. On his other side, Rachel was also looking at his plate, but not because she was hungry. He'd barely eaten a thing, she noted with a glance at Ross.
"May I be excused?" Ross asked, forcing himself to take a few more bites of corn before getting up.
"Can I eat your chicken?" With out waiting for his consent, Monica dumped the entire contents of Ross's plate onto hers. Judy watched her daughter in disgust as Ross quietly walked upstairs.
Rachel watched him go, a worried expression on her face. She hesitated before deciding to follow. Muttering a quick excuse to Monica, she headed for the stairs.
She felt a twinge of guilt that she kept deserting her friend, but she knew that if Monica knew what was going on that she would understand.
Ross could here someone coming up the stairs, and hurried his pace. Someone, (he had the feeling he knew who) had taken the pocketknife from the bathroom. This had stopped Ross for most of today, but that afternoon he'd snuck into the kitchen when no one was looking and taken a knife from the drawr. It wasn't any old butter knife either, the blade had nearly made his fingers bleed when he'd picked it up to take upstairs.
Now, as he stood in the bathroom, holding the knife by its handle this time, he sighed. He couldn't do it. Not while Rachel was so near by…
But he could still stop eating, he thought to himself as he walked across the small room. Dropping to his knees, he began to force himself to vomit again. Or rather, try to vomit. He gagged and coughed heavily for quite sometime, before the by now familiar feeling of Nausea overwhelmed him.
By the time he was finished doing this, Ross was crying. He washed his face with hands that shook, and walked dizzily back to his room.
Managing to make it to his room with out collapsing, Ross laid down weakly on his bed. He pulled a drawer on his nightstand open, and pulled out a picture.
It had been taken three years before, on Monica and Rachel's first day of high school. They stood smiling next to each other, decked out in what Monica said had been the thing to wear at the time, because Rachel had told her so. Ross hadn't thought much of it at the time, but once the pictures had been developed, he'd stolen Monica's copy.
Ross studied the face of his sister and her best friend now with tear-filled eyes. Why couldn't he have a friend like that? Why couldn't he have a friend like Rachel? Was there something wrong with him?
Before Ross could think about Rachel anymore, the door of his bedroom opened, and Rachel walked quietly in.
"Hey," she crossed the room and sat down quietly on the bed beside him. "How are… Ross!" For the first time Rachel actually took a good look at him, and wished she hadn't.
Ross looked up at her with the unstoppable tears still streaming down his cheeks. Rachel moved away from him slightly, before changing her mind and moving closer then she'd been before.
"Why are you doing this?" Her tone was unreadable. Her voice was barely a whisper, but her face was expressionless.
"I-I don't know," Ross's voice shook as he said this. "I want to stop, I really do, but…" His voice broke completely now, and his shoulders shook with silent sobs.
Rachel's own eyes began to well up as she watched her best friend's brother fall apart right before her eyes. She hesitated for a moment, before reaching out and enveloping him in her arms.
His body felt lighter then it should, and his eyes were shadowed. Rachel felt Ross's arms wrap weakly around her, and she looked with concern at the deep gashes up and down them.
"Ross, what do you want me to do? I tried to hide your pocketknife, but that didn't do anything. I've tried to reason with you, but that didn't help either. I-I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help you…" She fell silent, as Ross continued to sob uncontrollably in her arms.
"There's nothing you can do." His voice was so quiet that Rachel had to lean even closer to him to hear it. "There's nothing anybody can do. I'm useless, I don't deserve to be helped!"
"Don't say that!" Rachel found herself yelling. "No one should say that! You're not useless, and anyone in your situation should be helped!"
"What's going on in here?" Monica poked her head around the partly opened door, and gasped at the site before her. "Ross! What's the matter?"
Her brother was unable to answer, he continued to lay limply in Rachel's arms.
Rachel met Monica's concerned gaze with her own, and quietly slid Ross's limp form out of her lap.
The two walked quietly out of the room, leaving Ross feeling more alone then ever.
Once they were in the silence of Monica's room, Monica turned on Rachel. "What's the matter with him?! Why was he crying? And why were those cuts on his arms?" Monica was almost in tears by this point, and Rachel struggled to keep her own voice steady.
"H-he's becoming an anorexic."
Monica gasped as her face paled. "Wh-what?"
"And he's been slitting his wrists." Rachel was surprised that she was so calm about this. It scared her to death that the things she heard about in books and on TV was actually happening to someone she knew.
"How long have you known about this?" Monica's eyes began to fill with tears of her own, and she collapsed weakly onto her bed.
Rachel sat down quietly beside her, before answering. "I saw him throwing up on Friday night, and figured out what was happening yesterday."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Monica asked, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Mon, I wanted to tell you, I really did. But," Rachel took a deep breath to steady her voice. "I-I don't know…. Something was holding me back. I-I'm sorry Monica. I'm sorry all of this is happening."
Monica moved over and the two girls shared a hug. It didn't make either of them feel better, especially Rachel who was having trouble breathing because of Monica's bulk.
They separated a moment later, and Rachel picked up Ross's sweatshirt from a nearby chair. "I'm going to go give this back to him," she said to Monica.
Monica nodded mutely, still in a sort of terrified shock that this was happening.
Rachel walked over to Ross's now quiet bedroom, and entered softly. Ross was lying in the same position Rachel had last seen him in, looking pale and scared.
"I just came to give this back." She said to Ross, who hadn't moved at all when she'd come in.
He still didn't reply, and Rachel bent over him with slight concern. She lifted his tear-soaked face from the bed, and studied it worriedly.
Ross had fallen asleep, but his expression was troubled. He looked like he would start crying at any second, and his breathing was shallow.
Rachel ran a hand across his cheek, before she placed his head on the pillow. She then brushing some hair gently out of his eyes, and covered him with the sweatshirt. Before she left the room, she leaned down and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Ross didn't stir, and Rachel doubted he'd even felt her do it.
But as she left the room, she failed to see that Ross's expression had changed. Though he still looked upset, his breathing had returned to normal, and he'd relaxed slightly.
A few minutes later, Monica walked in quietly. She looked with fear and concern at her brother.
She patted quietly over to him, and kissed him just as Rachel had done before her. Ross's expression remained the same, and Monica left soon after.
Though now Monica knew Ross's secret, the three were no closer then they had been before to stopping it. And this was probably the scarryest part for Rachel. It was the scarryest part for all of them, actually.
[A/N
That ending was lame, no? Well, I hoped that all you Monica fans liked her being in more of this. Sorry that she doesn't have a bigger part, I'm trying to focus on Ross and Rachel's feelings on the subject.
Oh yeah, and Ross gets more and more OOC every part, I'm sorry about that too. I have this weird thing with my fave characters crying… don't ask (O.o)
Well, I'll try to get another part up tomorrow, but I've got the flue right now so I don't really feel like doing much. If I don't get the next chapter up before the holidays, Merry Christmas! Or if you don't celebrate Christmas, happy holidays!
L_angel]