Note/Warning/Disclaimer: Eh, what had started being just my first shounen-ai fic ended as a trilogy. This world is really strange...
Here's the third, the final part of it. Personally, I don't think that it's better than its prequels. Again, there's nothing graphical, so you can read it unless the *idea* of male/male relationship shocks or offends you.
//sobbing// Squall & Seifer still aren't mine... But I hope that someday... Oops, did I say that aloud?
A Game of Beasts and Walls
aka The (Happy?) Ending
It was said in the Garden that Squall had taken some days off. Well, nothing strange, except for one thing - Squall had never done it before, moreover, he always seemed to be a workaholic. Rumors said that it had something to do with Rinoa, who supposedly had sent him a letter, but these were just rumors.
Only two men knew the real reason, and currently one of them was standing in his room, in front of the mirror, biting his lips. He was also attempting to smirk in his common victorious manner, but every time he tried to do that something stopped him and he failed miserably. Perhaps Seifer's smirking failure was caused by the fact that he didn't really want to smirk. Instead, he wanted to sit somewhere in a corner and sob quietly. But when you're Seifer Almasy, you have to keep your reputation... or at least try to.
"Damn," Seifer thought, "damn!" He was unsure of whom or what to blame for his current pathetic mood - and that was also an outrage. It made him nervous and slightly angry. "Damn," Seifer thought again. "Why," he asked himself, "why bother? Nothing has changed." But deep inside he knew that was a lie. Everything had changed, in that very moment when he had showed his true feelings to Squall. Squall... What did *he* feel? Seifer knew not. But his own sensations were grim. Perhaps he should never let Mr. Ice Man know that he needed him? That he cared for him, loved him? Seifer always thought of himself as of a man who cannot be hurt by others. He was proven wrong - it really did hurt when Squall ran away. God, it still was hurting.
***
The day was rainy. Thick clouds flocked in the sky and heavy drops of water were falling onto the roof of the orphanage building, gathering there into one flow that finally reached the ground, producing a calm soothing sound. A small boy was standing on the open terrace, looking at some point hidden behind the wall of rain. He was thinking of Sis, who wasn't near him anymore. That was probably the first time in his life when Squall felt really lonely. And sometimes moments like this can change one's entire life.
Ten years later the day was rainy, too. Squall knew that returning here would be painful, but pain can be a cure. He was standing on the same old terrace, looking into the rain. Squall leaned to the wall. The stone was cold, and touching it caused him to shrug. But a warm feeling was slowly awakening inside him. Memories, half lost, half transformed, were once again returning to him. Some brought the feeling of a warm spring wind along with them, some threw burning sparks of unresolved aches. However, every one helped him to remember the beautiful time when they all were children...
"How stupid," he thought. "I came here to think about my future but ended up recalling the past..."
***
Seifer took the note out of his pocket and re-read it. "Try to understand me...once more..." Seifer drew his breath. "I tried, Squall," he said to himself. "I have always been trying. But why do you ask me about this without trying to understand me in turn? Gosh! You have never thought my feelings mattered, have you?"
Did not Squall think his actions could hurt Seifer?
Did he only care about himself?
Seifer felt they had done something wrong. Maybe they should really have forced the whole affair out of their brains and have forgotten it completely? Perhaps *this* was the right thing to do...
***
Squall went inside. The stone walls had always protected the orphan children from bad weather and forest monsters, but they had not been able to protect them from growing up and facing their destiny. Squall smiled, because the walls he had built inside himself were sturdier. He gave a bitter laugh - and was surprised to see there was one more person in the room. A little boy was sleeping on the old bed, his hand holding a tiny basket half-filled with wild berries. Squall's laughter woke him up, the boy sat up, rubbed his eyes and looked suspiciously at Squall.
"Hello," Squall said in the friendliest way possible.
"Good day, mister," the boy replied. He was frightened to find an unknown man in his shelter. Squall approached him and sat down on the bed near him.
"My name is Squall," he said. "And what's yours?"
"Kei, mister," the little guy answered.
"A nice name you have," Squall said. He liked the boy and did not want to scare him. "How did it happen, Kei, that you're here all alone?"
The boy took a firmer grip of his basket. "You see, mister Squall," he said sniffing, "I was picking the berries for my mother when that big ugly thing jumped out of the bushes. It was angry and I think it wanted to eat me. I ran, but it chased me all the way up here. I ran in and closed the door. And now I'm afraid to go home."
Both Squall and Kei had a beast to be afraid of... And suddenly Squall realized he knew he could battle those beasts. He stroked the kid's red hair. "You need not to be afraid anymore. When the rain stops, I'll bring you home," Squall assured the boy.
***
Seifer returned to his room to take a shower after his everyday training. He tried to fill his day with common routine actions and not to leave any time for thinking. It was hard and was not becoming easier with time: he caught himself reflecting on their relationships with Squall again. But this time he was sure: he will tell Squall that they were both wrong and that they should not repeat the mistake. He hoped Squall would agree with that...A loud knocking on the door forced him out of his introspection.
"Wait a second!" he shouted, enfolding himself into a big fluffy towel and going out of the bathroom. He unlocked and opened the door, revealing Selphie. Seifer raised his left eyebrow indicating his attention. Selphie reminded him that he had promised to help her with her new project. Then she left and Seifer went back to the bathroom. But it seemed that his fate was against it, because someone was knocking on his door again.
This time it was Irvine, who asked what Seifer was going to give Quistis as a birthday present. He wanted to make sure they wouldn't give her the same thing. After gathering the necessary information, Irvine departed. Seifer waited if anyone else wanted to bug him, but nobody came. Seifer suspiciously eyed the door and returned to the bath. But as soon as he turned on the water, they knocked again. He ran out and swung the door open.
"Hello Seifer," Squall said. "May I come in?"
Seifer stepped aside, allowing Squall to enter. The person who haunted his last nights and days was right here. How many times Seifer had imagined this... He had repeated what he wanted to say to Squall before his mirror a thousand times. He opened his mouth to finally voice it. But Squall pressed a finger against his lips, saying, "Shhh. Please let me speak first."
"My words can wait," Seifer replied acidly.
"Seifer," Squall said and made a pause. "I'm so sorry... I was incorrect." Seifer waited patiently.
"I have always been acting like a fool," Squall continued. "Perhaps even now I'm being idiotic. Can you forgive me for that?" He lowered his eyes. "I have been so selfish. Damn, I *am* selfish! Instead of accepting the chance life had given me I ran away. But I could not hide from myself... Shit, I can't even express myself right! I said 'accept the chance', as if love is some sort of material thing... I... I don't know... I didn't think about your feelings... I always tried to think about it rationally... And now I can not."
He raised his eyes to meet Seifer's. "But there is one thing I know for sure. I love you, Seifer. And I always will... if you allow it."
Silence followed. Now how could Seifer say what he wanted to?
"Answer me, please."
More silence followed. Squall sighed and looked away.
"You wanted to say something... before," he remembered. Seifer felt he would never ever want to say these things again. Squall loved him. And he loved Squall. What else did matter? Seifer moved forward and enclosed Squall into a strong hug.
"I'll allow *you*," he said feeling his lips forming a victorious smirk, "if you allow *me*."
Squall looked back into Seifer's green eyes. "Okay," he answered simply. The last bricks of his wall had just crumbled to dust, and he was happy about it.
---
Well, the ending WAS happy, after all. I thought they'd never make it. Glad that I was wrong. ;-)
Please tell me if you liked it ending this way or not!
Here's the third, the final part of it. Personally, I don't think that it's better than its prequels. Again, there's nothing graphical, so you can read it unless the *idea* of male/male relationship shocks or offends you.
//sobbing// Squall & Seifer still aren't mine... But I hope that someday... Oops, did I say that aloud?
A Game of Beasts and Walls
aka The (Happy?) Ending
It was said in the Garden that Squall had taken some days off. Well, nothing strange, except for one thing - Squall had never done it before, moreover, he always seemed to be a workaholic. Rumors said that it had something to do with Rinoa, who supposedly had sent him a letter, but these were just rumors.
Only two men knew the real reason, and currently one of them was standing in his room, in front of the mirror, biting his lips. He was also attempting to smirk in his common victorious manner, but every time he tried to do that something stopped him and he failed miserably. Perhaps Seifer's smirking failure was caused by the fact that he didn't really want to smirk. Instead, he wanted to sit somewhere in a corner and sob quietly. But when you're Seifer Almasy, you have to keep your reputation... or at least try to.
"Damn," Seifer thought, "damn!" He was unsure of whom or what to blame for his current pathetic mood - and that was also an outrage. It made him nervous and slightly angry. "Damn," Seifer thought again. "Why," he asked himself, "why bother? Nothing has changed." But deep inside he knew that was a lie. Everything had changed, in that very moment when he had showed his true feelings to Squall. Squall... What did *he* feel? Seifer knew not. But his own sensations were grim. Perhaps he should never let Mr. Ice Man know that he needed him? That he cared for him, loved him? Seifer always thought of himself as of a man who cannot be hurt by others. He was proven wrong - it really did hurt when Squall ran away. God, it still was hurting.
***
The day was rainy. Thick clouds flocked in the sky and heavy drops of water were falling onto the roof of the orphanage building, gathering there into one flow that finally reached the ground, producing a calm soothing sound. A small boy was standing on the open terrace, looking at some point hidden behind the wall of rain. He was thinking of Sis, who wasn't near him anymore. That was probably the first time in his life when Squall felt really lonely. And sometimes moments like this can change one's entire life.
Ten years later the day was rainy, too. Squall knew that returning here would be painful, but pain can be a cure. He was standing on the same old terrace, looking into the rain. Squall leaned to the wall. The stone was cold, and touching it caused him to shrug. But a warm feeling was slowly awakening inside him. Memories, half lost, half transformed, were once again returning to him. Some brought the feeling of a warm spring wind along with them, some threw burning sparks of unresolved aches. However, every one helped him to remember the beautiful time when they all were children...
"How stupid," he thought. "I came here to think about my future but ended up recalling the past..."
***
Seifer took the note out of his pocket and re-read it. "Try to understand me...once more..." Seifer drew his breath. "I tried, Squall," he said to himself. "I have always been trying. But why do you ask me about this without trying to understand me in turn? Gosh! You have never thought my feelings mattered, have you?"
Did not Squall think his actions could hurt Seifer?
Did he only care about himself?
Seifer felt they had done something wrong. Maybe they should really have forced the whole affair out of their brains and have forgotten it completely? Perhaps *this* was the right thing to do...
***
Squall went inside. The stone walls had always protected the orphan children from bad weather and forest monsters, but they had not been able to protect them from growing up and facing their destiny. Squall smiled, because the walls he had built inside himself were sturdier. He gave a bitter laugh - and was surprised to see there was one more person in the room. A little boy was sleeping on the old bed, his hand holding a tiny basket half-filled with wild berries. Squall's laughter woke him up, the boy sat up, rubbed his eyes and looked suspiciously at Squall.
"Hello," Squall said in the friendliest way possible.
"Good day, mister," the boy replied. He was frightened to find an unknown man in his shelter. Squall approached him and sat down on the bed near him.
"My name is Squall," he said. "And what's yours?"
"Kei, mister," the little guy answered.
"A nice name you have," Squall said. He liked the boy and did not want to scare him. "How did it happen, Kei, that you're here all alone?"
The boy took a firmer grip of his basket. "You see, mister Squall," he said sniffing, "I was picking the berries for my mother when that big ugly thing jumped out of the bushes. It was angry and I think it wanted to eat me. I ran, but it chased me all the way up here. I ran in and closed the door. And now I'm afraid to go home."
Both Squall and Kei had a beast to be afraid of... And suddenly Squall realized he knew he could battle those beasts. He stroked the kid's red hair. "You need not to be afraid anymore. When the rain stops, I'll bring you home," Squall assured the boy.
***
Seifer returned to his room to take a shower after his everyday training. He tried to fill his day with common routine actions and not to leave any time for thinking. It was hard and was not becoming easier with time: he caught himself reflecting on their relationships with Squall again. But this time he was sure: he will tell Squall that they were both wrong and that they should not repeat the mistake. He hoped Squall would agree with that...A loud knocking on the door forced him out of his introspection.
"Wait a second!" he shouted, enfolding himself into a big fluffy towel and going out of the bathroom. He unlocked and opened the door, revealing Selphie. Seifer raised his left eyebrow indicating his attention. Selphie reminded him that he had promised to help her with her new project. Then she left and Seifer went back to the bathroom. But it seemed that his fate was against it, because someone was knocking on his door again.
This time it was Irvine, who asked what Seifer was going to give Quistis as a birthday present. He wanted to make sure they wouldn't give her the same thing. After gathering the necessary information, Irvine departed. Seifer waited if anyone else wanted to bug him, but nobody came. Seifer suspiciously eyed the door and returned to the bath. But as soon as he turned on the water, they knocked again. He ran out and swung the door open.
"Hello Seifer," Squall said. "May I come in?"
Seifer stepped aside, allowing Squall to enter. The person who haunted his last nights and days was right here. How many times Seifer had imagined this... He had repeated what he wanted to say to Squall before his mirror a thousand times. He opened his mouth to finally voice it. But Squall pressed a finger against his lips, saying, "Shhh. Please let me speak first."
"My words can wait," Seifer replied acidly.
"Seifer," Squall said and made a pause. "I'm so sorry... I was incorrect." Seifer waited patiently.
"I have always been acting like a fool," Squall continued. "Perhaps even now I'm being idiotic. Can you forgive me for that?" He lowered his eyes. "I have been so selfish. Damn, I *am* selfish! Instead of accepting the chance life had given me I ran away. But I could not hide from myself... Shit, I can't even express myself right! I said 'accept the chance', as if love is some sort of material thing... I... I don't know... I didn't think about your feelings... I always tried to think about it rationally... And now I can not."
He raised his eyes to meet Seifer's. "But there is one thing I know for sure. I love you, Seifer. And I always will... if you allow it."
Silence followed. Now how could Seifer say what he wanted to?
"Answer me, please."
More silence followed. Squall sighed and looked away.
"You wanted to say something... before," he remembered. Seifer felt he would never ever want to say these things again. Squall loved him. And he loved Squall. What else did matter? Seifer moved forward and enclosed Squall into a strong hug.
"I'll allow *you*," he said feeling his lips forming a victorious smirk, "if you allow *me*."
Squall looked back into Seifer's green eyes. "Okay," he answered simply. The last bricks of his wall had just crumbled to dust, and he was happy about it.
---
Well, the ending WAS happy, after all. I thought they'd never make it. Glad that I was wrong. ;-)
Please tell me if you liked it ending this way or not!