Me: So, Lot, what seems to be YOUR marital problem?
Lot: Well, see, it's like this...
Lot's wife: YOU BASTARD!
Lot: Oh, come now. Be reasonable.
Me: I can sense that you have...animosity towards your husband, Mrs. Lot?
Lot's wife: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!
Me: Care to expound?
Lot: (breaking in) It wasn't entirely...
Lot's wife: (breaking in on his break-in) He slept with BOTH our daughters! What the hell is going on here!? Both of them! Yahweh! (looks up, speaks quickly) God forgive I speaketh his name (looks back at Lot) You...you...EEERGH!
Lot: I was drunk! What do you expect?
Lot's wife: ... (speechless)
Me: Perhaps you need to cuddle.
Lot's wife: PISS OFF, YOU FRUITCAKE!
Lot: I should have gone on and never looked back...
Lot's wife: You think you've got it bad? Do you know how high my sodium intake is these days? I'M PRACTICALLY MADE OF SALT, DAMMIT!
Me: Please, don't interject the Word into a perfectly ridiculous situation.
Lot: In my defense, they souped me up with wine. It was all their fault.
Lot's wife: Everything's always someone else's fault, isn't it?
Lot: In this case, yeah.
Lot's wife: Well, I don't buy it!
Lot: Fine.
Lot's wife: Fine!
Lot: Fine!!
Lot's wife: FINE!!!!
Me: Yes, it's just dandy, isn't it.
Both: NO ONE WAS TALKING TO YOU!
Me: But..but I'm the marriage counselor, and you came to see me, and stuff!
Lot: Right. We should try to work out our issues. Honey, I think you should stop yelling at me about this.
Lot's wife: I have a right to my anger!
Me: Good! Good. You're talking like someone who needs help.
Lot's wife: Furthermore, you hurt my feelings by sleeping with our daughters.
Lot: Likewise, you hurt my feelings by claiming it was my fault.
Lot's wife: I'm willing to forgive you if you can forgive me.
Lot: Sure thing. Come here. Baby, you're the greatest!
Me: (turns head away) Cut away!!!
--------------
Me: Well, that's it for that episode. More will come. By the way, Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt. Wouldn't that make certain things difficult? The mind boggles, but not too much. Goodbye for now.
Lot: Well, see, it's like this...
Lot's wife: YOU BASTARD!
Lot: Oh, come now. Be reasonable.
Me: I can sense that you have...animosity towards your husband, Mrs. Lot?
Lot's wife: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!
Me: Care to expound?
Lot: (breaking in) It wasn't entirely...
Lot's wife: (breaking in on his break-in) He slept with BOTH our daughters! What the hell is going on here!? Both of them! Yahweh! (looks up, speaks quickly) God forgive I speaketh his name (looks back at Lot) You...you...EEERGH!
Lot: I was drunk! What do you expect?
Lot's wife: ... (speechless)
Me: Perhaps you need to cuddle.
Lot's wife: PISS OFF, YOU FRUITCAKE!
Lot: I should have gone on and never looked back...
Lot's wife: You think you've got it bad? Do you know how high my sodium intake is these days? I'M PRACTICALLY MADE OF SALT, DAMMIT!
Me: Please, don't interject the Word into a perfectly ridiculous situation.
Lot: In my defense, they souped me up with wine. It was all their fault.
Lot's wife: Everything's always someone else's fault, isn't it?
Lot: In this case, yeah.
Lot's wife: Well, I don't buy it!
Lot: Fine.
Lot's wife: Fine!
Lot: Fine!!
Lot's wife: FINE!!!!
Me: Yes, it's just dandy, isn't it.
Both: NO ONE WAS TALKING TO YOU!
Me: But..but I'm the marriage counselor, and you came to see me, and stuff!
Lot: Right. We should try to work out our issues. Honey, I think you should stop yelling at me about this.
Lot's wife: I have a right to my anger!
Me: Good! Good. You're talking like someone who needs help.
Lot's wife: Furthermore, you hurt my feelings by sleeping with our daughters.
Lot: Likewise, you hurt my feelings by claiming it was my fault.
Lot's wife: I'm willing to forgive you if you can forgive me.
Lot: Sure thing. Come here. Baby, you're the greatest!
Me: (turns head away) Cut away!!!
--------------
Me: Well, that's it for that episode. More will come. By the way, Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt. Wouldn't that make certain things difficult? The mind boggles, but not too much. Goodbye for now.