A/N I am home with a cold and trying to update all my fics. Oh Malfoy recovered but he's kinda nice now.
Hermione stood in the rain shocked for five minutes at least. Regardless of her attempts to pull herself together she cried herself to sleep.
She wandered from class to class; smoke coming from her ears from the Pepper-up potion Madame Pomfrey had given her for her cold.
She rarely gave answers in class and for the first time ever her grades faltered. She took care to avoid Harry and Ron. No one spoke to her, she spoke to no one. It was rather like first year before she had friends. With the exception of the hole in the middle of her heart.
Benjy didn't seem to notice until his appointment at St, Mungo's on Saturday October 25th 1998. For that Friday the ex- (A/N oh I hate writing that) lovers had him be a bit of a messenger boy.
Hermione would say 'Benjy go tell Daddy (choking on the words) that you have an appointment at Dr Alemra's office.' Benjy of course since he was a very obediant little boy sis as he was told no questions asked.
Harry would then answer 'Tell Mummy I will be there at what time?' Benjy would tell Hermione who would reply
'9:00' and so on. As he was being tucked into bed Benjy asked Hermione,
'Why'd I have to tell Daddy all that rubbish?' Hermione smiled he had been spending far to much time with Ron,
'Well Daddy and I are in the middle of a bit of a tiff at the moment nothing for you to worry about, G'night.' She kissed him closed the door and broke down.
She entered the girls' deserted dormitory sobbing and sat on the canopy bed that was her bed at Hogwarts (A/N I can dream can't I?) and took the book from her bedside table. Shifting to her stomach tears still running down her face.
She opened the leather bound cover of the photo album Harry had given her for Christmas the year before. She looked at page after page of pictures of Harry, Ron, Benjy, Ginny and all her friends.
She could have lain there forever reliving the happy times when she heard shouting from downstairs. She sighed forlornly and closed the album with a thud. Just as she opened the door a red haired figure flew past her sobbing. She realized suddenly it was Ginny.
Hermione knocked on the sixth year girl's dormitory and as she got no answer opened it slowly.
'Ginny' she whispered.
'Go away,' Hermione's heart ached at the sound of her friend's misery.
'Ginny it's me.'
'Hermione?'
'Yes' Hermione said gently sitting down on Ginny's bed. 'What is wrong?'
'C-C-Colin broke up with me. He said he w-w-wanted to asked out-t Lavender.' She sobbed harder after relaying this piece of information.
'He'll have a hard job doing that as she's going out with Dean.'
'I told him t-t-t-that. He said I was jealous.'
'Slime. He doesn't deserve you. You'll find some one. You know ever since Draco got back from St. Mungo's he's had his eye on you.' Ginny laughed.
'Right like I'd go out with that piece of crap.'
'He's alot nicer now I think he's seen the error of his ways.'
'Whatever you say Hermione.'
'Feel better now?'
'Yeah thanks.'
'What are friend for?'
The next morning Benjy woke Hermione at six A.M.
'Time to go see Dr Alemra Mummy.' Hermione groaned and looked at the clock.
'Remind me to teach you to tell time.' She grumbled getting dressed. The early wake up call was however best for by the time they were both ready it was 8:00 and time for a quick breakfast. They met Harry at the fireplace. He and Hermione said brief 'Hello''s before leaving.
The appointment though useful as the doctor gave them more advice on therapy was useless for the relationship of his guardians because when the arrived back at Hogwarts they were just as mad at each other as before,
Hermione to the outward eye seemed to be healing by Hallowe'en . Inside however she was more depressed that ever.
That night she was to unhappy to go to the feast insyead she sat in the common room.
This is the seven year annavery of the day we became friends she thought we didn't start to go out 'til fifth year though. When Benjy came along I thought we were together forever, Harry was my life my love with out him I have nothing to live for.
With that she took the pen in her shaking hand and wrote:
To Harry, Ron, Ginny and Benjy,
I am taking my life tonight if anyone cares to know because I have nothing to live for Harry can take care of Benjy.
Everything is just to hard I may be a hero but even I am not perfect. Even I need compaionship but more than that I need lovr.
Tell Mum and Papa I am sorry, I love you all.
HermioneShe took the knife in her hand and slit her wrists,
Two weeks later she awoke in the Hospital Wing,
* I can't stand to
fly, I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find the better part of me
I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train, and it's not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie about a home I'll never see
It may sound obsurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but wont you conceive
Even heroes have the right to dream, and it's not easy to be me
Up ahead, away away from me
Well it's all right, you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy, or anything
I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive
bWo/bMen weren't meant to ride with clouds between their knees
I'm only a bwo/b man in a silly red sheet, digging for
Kriptonite on this one way street
Only a man on this one way street looking for special things inside of me
I'm only a bwoman/b looking for a dream
I'm only a bwo/bman in a funny red sheet, and it's not easy
It's not easy to be me*
A/N I'm evil oh yeah who's evil? I'm evil. If you R&R this and my other fics I may update sooner oh and in ths ong the bold means i added it.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter etc. Belongs to Joanne Rowling and It's Not Easy To Be Me belongs to Five For Fighting