Chapter Six: An Unusual Today Show Episode
The next morning, the three girls awoke to find Christian and Satine sitting in front of the TV, staring at the screen in fascination.
"This is amazing," Christian murmured, gesturing towards the screen displaying Before and After photos of Clay Henry.
"Oh yeah," Hannah said, nodding earnestly. "The Subway diet can work wonders."
"What?" Satine asked, confused.
"Never mind," Hannah said. She, Kara, and Madi plopped down onto the sofa and watched the rest of the commercial about everyone's favorite fireman and Jared fan.
"This Tuesday on Pay Per View," announced the TV screen, "Moulin Rouge!"
An image of Satine and Christian during the Elephant Love Medley filled the screen.
"That's...us!" exclaimed Satine.
"Well, yeaaah," Kara said in a 'duh' tone. "You're in a MOVIE."
"You mean...ANYONE can watch us?" Christian asked.
"Anyone who can afford a PPV movie," Madi said.
"But that's PRIVATE!" Satine cried. "That's our LIVES...they shouldn't have permission to...just...WATCH it!"
Blushing terribly, Christian asked the floor, "Do they see us...Satine and I...uh..."
"Don't worry, Christie," Madi said. "It's only PG-13. You're safe."
Christian looked confused (no doubt pondering what the heck PG-13 was) but relieved.
The preview ended, and the news came back on.
"And in today's celebrity news," the anchorwoman said, "Aussie actress Nicole Kidman has been sighted many times quite recently with Moulin Rouge co-star Ewan McGregor."
A picture appeared in the corner of the screen of Satine and Christian from the day before, kissing like there was no tomorrow.
"Kidman and McGregor have been far from secretive about their new relationship, and many have reported seeing them in romantic embraces," the anchorwoman continued. "It is more than likely that McGregor will be in hot water, seeing as he's married with children."
"Crap," Kara muttered, changing the channel only to find a very annoyed-looking Nicole Kidman's face filling the screen.
"I have no idea where these rumors are coming from!" she exclaimed. "I haven't even seen Ewan lately, let alone kissed him. The pictures could be taken from the movie and then edited, or...I really don't know. But we are NOT having an affair!"
"Sorry, Nic," Hannah apologized to the TV screen before turning to her fellow Rougettes. "Girls, we have a problem."
"Tell me about it," Madi groaned. "We're making Nicole and Ewan's lives miserable!"
"Well," Kara said, attempting to sound optimistic and failing horribly, "Maybe it's not that big of a story yet...we could have just landed on the only two channels where they're talking about it."
"Let's hope," Hannah said, picking up the remote and flipping through the channels.
No such luck.
Every channel, right down to the Food Network, had news on 'Nicole and Ewan''s affair.
"Was this our fault?" Satine asked timidly as an enraged Ewan McGregor told Access Hollywood that he was happily married and only friends with Nicole Kidman.
"Er...not really," Madi said. "It's not your fault that you look like them. And are them...or they're you...or..."
"Let's just settle with 'it's not your fault'," Kara cut in.
~*~
After what seemed like many tedious hours of boredom (but was in actuality around five minutes), the Rougettes and their star-crossed lover pals decided to saunter on down to the Today show and see if they could get Al Roker to talk to them.
"It...is...so...cold...out...here," Hannah proclaimed with chattering teeth.
"Puh-leeze, Alaska girl," Kara groaned. "Toughen up!"
"Just because I'm from Alaska doesn't mean I GO OUTSIDE!" Hannah protested. "The last time I went outside was for recess a while ago with Ingrid, since all our EVIL other friends got passes and we were stuck outside with no one but our friend, the rotten orange."
Madi and Kara both raised skeptical eyebrows at her.
"We named 'im Herman the 18th*", Hannah finished, sounding as though it was the most normal thing in the world to befriend rotten oranges.
Madi and Kara shrugged off her weirdness, but Christian and Satine exchanged extremely frightened looks.
"Hey," Hannah snapped to Christian, "At least I didn't sing The Hills are Alive With The Sound of Music with the Green Fairy. Don't look at me like that."
"Oookay," Christian said tentatively, turning back to Satine.
Suddenly, the crowd erupted into whoops and cheers of, "Look Mom, I'm on TV!"
"What are they doing?" Christian asked, backing away from the couple that stood next to them who were jumping up and down and waving signs.
Hannah rolled her eyes. "Stupidly overreacting. They're all excited because they're on TV. It's-"
However, what it was, they never got to find out, since at that moment Al Roker himself made his way over to them.
"Hi, girls!" he greeted them merrily. "How are..." His voice trailed off, and eyes widened a bit. "Nicole?" he asked incredulously. "Ewan?"
"No, no, no," Satine stuttered. "I'm not-"
"Nicole, you're supposed to be up in the studio!" Al exclaimed. "Your interview about Birthday Girl is in only a few minutes!"
"But I'm not-"
"Come on, I'll take you up there," Al said, grabbing her arm and helping her over the fence.
"But you don't understand-"
After a cheery 'Here's what's going on in your neck of the woods', Al led a very confused looking Satine up to the studio.
All Rougettes were silent for a moment, before muttering in unison, "Uh oh."
~*~
Satine shifted uncomfortably in her armchair as Katie Couric flashed an almost frighteningly bright grin at her, exposing shockingly white teeth.
"Er...Miss, you don't get it-"
"Calm down, Nicole!" Katie said with a laugh. "You've done this before!"
"No, actually..."
"Shhh!" Katie hissed before her huge smile returned. "And we're back with Birthday Girl star, Nicole Kidman."
"Uh...hello," Satine said awkwardly, following Katie's eyes to a few men holding large, black objects that very slightly resembled cameras.
"It's nice to have you here, Nicole," Katie said warmly.
"Er...it's great to be here," Satine said with a hopeless shrug.
"Now, can you tell us about Birthday Girl?"
"Er..." Satine said awkwardly, wondering what in God's name Birthday Girl was. 'Birthday Girl star'....most likely Nicole Kidman's newest movie.
"Uh...it's about...love?"
Katie's bright grin faltered for a moment.
"Love?" she asked weakly.
Isn't EVERYTHING? Satine thought desperately. I mean, what's a story without love?
Satine nodded, then continued unsurely, "Love and...adventure, and...suspense?"
Katie's grin got brighter again, apparently accepting Satine's answer. "And in the film, you play a Russian mail order bride with a dangerous past. Your parts are always so different...Batman's object of affection, a singing courtesan, a frightened, strict mother in a haunted house, and now a Russian mail order bride! Why do you pick these parts?"
"I...uh...like variety," Satine said weakly. "The same old thing can get boring after a while."
Katie smiled. "And now, on a more personal note...what's with all these rumors about you and Ewan McGregor, your Moulin Rouge co-star?"
"Um..." Satine thought back on what she'd seen Nicole Kidman say earlier that morning on TV. "It's absolutely untrue. Ewan and I got to be very good friends while making the film...but...well, we're just friends!"
"Al informed me that he saw you with Ewan outside," continued Katie, an almost murderous glint in her eyes, as though desperate to get Satine to confess 'her' affair with 'Ewan McGregor.'
"We're good friends," Satine repeated weakly. "He's here for support, and-"
She was cut off by the studio doors bursting open, and an absolute replica of herself bursting inside, looking rather winded.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she apologized breathlessly, stumbling onto the set. "The limo broke down on the way here, and..." Her voice trailed off as she saw Satine, and after a moment of shocked silence, she screeched.
"Who are you?!" Nicole asked, looking positively terrified.
"Satine," responded Satine uneasily.
"What?" Nicole exclaimed. "You can't be Satine, Satine's not REAL! But...you look like me...just like me when I played her..."
"That's because I AM her," Satine said quietly. Katie Couric's grin had disappeared immediately.
"This can't be happening," Nicole said, sounding positively hysterical. "It just can't...I'm dreaming, I've overslept, I'm missing my interview. Pinch me!"
Satine awkwardly obliged, pinching her lightly on the arm.
"Ouch!" Nicole shrieked, then studied Satine in horror. "I just got pinched by myself."
"No, I'm SATINE-"
"Satine isn't real though!" cried Nicole.
"Er...cut, cut!" Katie said nervously. The cameramen, however, didn't seem to be paying the least bit of attention to her.
"Well, I AM!" Satine exclaimed. "Three girls who are fans of your movie...my life...came back to 1899 and then they took me back here to find medication to cure my consumption, and now we're trapped here!"
Nicole looked absolutely frozen in shock.
"You're insane," she declared, sounding not entirely sane herself. "You're insane, you THINK you're Satine, but you're NOT, because there IS no Satine!"
"I'm NOT insane!" Satine cried irritably. "I AM SATINE!"
"You CANNOT be Satine!" Nicole screeched. "It's IMPOSSIBLE!"
"I AM Satine!" Satine proclaimed, starting to get angry. "Listen, Nicole, you might have played me in a movie, I'm not denying that, but I'm ALIVE, I EXIST, and I'm trying desperately to get back to 1899!"
"You're a psycho!" Nicole cried. "A complete and absolute psycho!"
"No I'm not!" Satine exclaimed, grabbing her lookalike's shoulders and shaking them impatiently. "I just need to get back to the Moulin Rouge in 1899!"
However, Nicole never got the chance to reply, seeing as the two suddenly faded and disappeared. Looking very afraid, Katie stuttered, "Er...Nicole Kidman and...Satine, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be back to Today right after these messages."
She then passed out in a dead faint, giving a fantastic ending to the most memorable episode in Today history, in which Nicole Kidman met her singing prostitute part and then disappeared into thin air.
*The story of good ol' orange is true. His name has been changed to protect the innocent. (Minus the 18th thing...)
The next morning, the three girls awoke to find Christian and Satine sitting in front of the TV, staring at the screen in fascination.
"This is amazing," Christian murmured, gesturing towards the screen displaying Before and After photos of Clay Henry.
"Oh yeah," Hannah said, nodding earnestly. "The Subway diet can work wonders."
"What?" Satine asked, confused.
"Never mind," Hannah said. She, Kara, and Madi plopped down onto the sofa and watched the rest of the commercial about everyone's favorite fireman and Jared fan.
"This Tuesday on Pay Per View," announced the TV screen, "Moulin Rouge!"
An image of Satine and Christian during the Elephant Love Medley filled the screen.
"That's...us!" exclaimed Satine.
"Well, yeaaah," Kara said in a 'duh' tone. "You're in a MOVIE."
"You mean...ANYONE can watch us?" Christian asked.
"Anyone who can afford a PPV movie," Madi said.
"But that's PRIVATE!" Satine cried. "That's our LIVES...they shouldn't have permission to...just...WATCH it!"
Blushing terribly, Christian asked the floor, "Do they see us...Satine and I...uh..."
"Don't worry, Christie," Madi said. "It's only PG-13. You're safe."
Christian looked confused (no doubt pondering what the heck PG-13 was) but relieved.
The preview ended, and the news came back on.
"And in today's celebrity news," the anchorwoman said, "Aussie actress Nicole Kidman has been sighted many times quite recently with Moulin Rouge co-star Ewan McGregor."
A picture appeared in the corner of the screen of Satine and Christian from the day before, kissing like there was no tomorrow.
"Kidman and McGregor have been far from secretive about their new relationship, and many have reported seeing them in romantic embraces," the anchorwoman continued. "It is more than likely that McGregor will be in hot water, seeing as he's married with children."
"Crap," Kara muttered, changing the channel only to find a very annoyed-looking Nicole Kidman's face filling the screen.
"I have no idea where these rumors are coming from!" she exclaimed. "I haven't even seen Ewan lately, let alone kissed him. The pictures could be taken from the movie and then edited, or...I really don't know. But we are NOT having an affair!"
"Sorry, Nic," Hannah apologized to the TV screen before turning to her fellow Rougettes. "Girls, we have a problem."
"Tell me about it," Madi groaned. "We're making Nicole and Ewan's lives miserable!"
"Well," Kara said, attempting to sound optimistic and failing horribly, "Maybe it's not that big of a story yet...we could have just landed on the only two channels where they're talking about it."
"Let's hope," Hannah said, picking up the remote and flipping through the channels.
No such luck.
Every channel, right down to the Food Network, had news on 'Nicole and Ewan''s affair.
"Was this our fault?" Satine asked timidly as an enraged Ewan McGregor told Access Hollywood that he was happily married and only friends with Nicole Kidman.
"Er...not really," Madi said. "It's not your fault that you look like them. And are them...or they're you...or..."
"Let's just settle with 'it's not your fault'," Kara cut in.
~*~
After what seemed like many tedious hours of boredom (but was in actuality around five minutes), the Rougettes and their star-crossed lover pals decided to saunter on down to the Today show and see if they could get Al Roker to talk to them.
"It...is...so...cold...out...here," Hannah proclaimed with chattering teeth.
"Puh-leeze, Alaska girl," Kara groaned. "Toughen up!"
"Just because I'm from Alaska doesn't mean I GO OUTSIDE!" Hannah protested. "The last time I went outside was for recess a while ago with Ingrid, since all our EVIL other friends got passes and we were stuck outside with no one but our friend, the rotten orange."
Madi and Kara both raised skeptical eyebrows at her.
"We named 'im Herman the 18th*", Hannah finished, sounding as though it was the most normal thing in the world to befriend rotten oranges.
Madi and Kara shrugged off her weirdness, but Christian and Satine exchanged extremely frightened looks.
"Hey," Hannah snapped to Christian, "At least I didn't sing The Hills are Alive With The Sound of Music with the Green Fairy. Don't look at me like that."
"Oookay," Christian said tentatively, turning back to Satine.
Suddenly, the crowd erupted into whoops and cheers of, "Look Mom, I'm on TV!"
"What are they doing?" Christian asked, backing away from the couple that stood next to them who were jumping up and down and waving signs.
Hannah rolled her eyes. "Stupidly overreacting. They're all excited because they're on TV. It's-"
However, what it was, they never got to find out, since at that moment Al Roker himself made his way over to them.
"Hi, girls!" he greeted them merrily. "How are..." His voice trailed off, and eyes widened a bit. "Nicole?" he asked incredulously. "Ewan?"
"No, no, no," Satine stuttered. "I'm not-"
"Nicole, you're supposed to be up in the studio!" Al exclaimed. "Your interview about Birthday Girl is in only a few minutes!"
"But I'm not-"
"Come on, I'll take you up there," Al said, grabbing her arm and helping her over the fence.
"But you don't understand-"
After a cheery 'Here's what's going on in your neck of the woods', Al led a very confused looking Satine up to the studio.
All Rougettes were silent for a moment, before muttering in unison, "Uh oh."
~*~
Satine shifted uncomfortably in her armchair as Katie Couric flashed an almost frighteningly bright grin at her, exposing shockingly white teeth.
"Er...Miss, you don't get it-"
"Calm down, Nicole!" Katie said with a laugh. "You've done this before!"
"No, actually..."
"Shhh!" Katie hissed before her huge smile returned. "And we're back with Birthday Girl star, Nicole Kidman."
"Uh...hello," Satine said awkwardly, following Katie's eyes to a few men holding large, black objects that very slightly resembled cameras.
"It's nice to have you here, Nicole," Katie said warmly.
"Er...it's great to be here," Satine said with a hopeless shrug.
"Now, can you tell us about Birthday Girl?"
"Er..." Satine said awkwardly, wondering what in God's name Birthday Girl was. 'Birthday Girl star'....most likely Nicole Kidman's newest movie.
"Uh...it's about...love?"
Katie's bright grin faltered for a moment.
"Love?" she asked weakly.
Isn't EVERYTHING? Satine thought desperately. I mean, what's a story without love?
Satine nodded, then continued unsurely, "Love and...adventure, and...suspense?"
Katie's grin got brighter again, apparently accepting Satine's answer. "And in the film, you play a Russian mail order bride with a dangerous past. Your parts are always so different...Batman's object of affection, a singing courtesan, a frightened, strict mother in a haunted house, and now a Russian mail order bride! Why do you pick these parts?"
"I...uh...like variety," Satine said weakly. "The same old thing can get boring after a while."
Katie smiled. "And now, on a more personal note...what's with all these rumors about you and Ewan McGregor, your Moulin Rouge co-star?"
"Um..." Satine thought back on what she'd seen Nicole Kidman say earlier that morning on TV. "It's absolutely untrue. Ewan and I got to be very good friends while making the film...but...well, we're just friends!"
"Al informed me that he saw you with Ewan outside," continued Katie, an almost murderous glint in her eyes, as though desperate to get Satine to confess 'her' affair with 'Ewan McGregor.'
"We're good friends," Satine repeated weakly. "He's here for support, and-"
She was cut off by the studio doors bursting open, and an absolute replica of herself bursting inside, looking rather winded.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she apologized breathlessly, stumbling onto the set. "The limo broke down on the way here, and..." Her voice trailed off as she saw Satine, and after a moment of shocked silence, she screeched.
"Who are you?!" Nicole asked, looking positively terrified.
"Satine," responded Satine uneasily.
"What?" Nicole exclaimed. "You can't be Satine, Satine's not REAL! But...you look like me...just like me when I played her..."
"That's because I AM her," Satine said quietly. Katie Couric's grin had disappeared immediately.
"This can't be happening," Nicole said, sounding positively hysterical. "It just can't...I'm dreaming, I've overslept, I'm missing my interview. Pinch me!"
Satine awkwardly obliged, pinching her lightly on the arm.
"Ouch!" Nicole shrieked, then studied Satine in horror. "I just got pinched by myself."
"No, I'm SATINE-"
"Satine isn't real though!" cried Nicole.
"Er...cut, cut!" Katie said nervously. The cameramen, however, didn't seem to be paying the least bit of attention to her.
"Well, I AM!" Satine exclaimed. "Three girls who are fans of your movie...my life...came back to 1899 and then they took me back here to find medication to cure my consumption, and now we're trapped here!"
Nicole looked absolutely frozen in shock.
"You're insane," she declared, sounding not entirely sane herself. "You're insane, you THINK you're Satine, but you're NOT, because there IS no Satine!"
"I'm NOT insane!" Satine cried irritably. "I AM SATINE!"
"You CANNOT be Satine!" Nicole screeched. "It's IMPOSSIBLE!"
"I AM Satine!" Satine proclaimed, starting to get angry. "Listen, Nicole, you might have played me in a movie, I'm not denying that, but I'm ALIVE, I EXIST, and I'm trying desperately to get back to 1899!"
"You're a psycho!" Nicole cried. "A complete and absolute psycho!"
"No I'm not!" Satine exclaimed, grabbing her lookalike's shoulders and shaking them impatiently. "I just need to get back to the Moulin Rouge in 1899!"
However, Nicole never got the chance to reply, seeing as the two suddenly faded and disappeared. Looking very afraid, Katie stuttered, "Er...Nicole Kidman and...Satine, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be back to Today right after these messages."
She then passed out in a dead faint, giving a fantastic ending to the most memorable episode in Today history, in which Nicole Kidman met her singing prostitute part and then disappeared into thin air.
*The story of good ol' orange is true. His name has been changed to protect the innocent. (Minus the 18th thing...)