VII
Collins
"Cynical Town Can Be Tough On An Angel"
They all went to some club, apparently to meet someone. They asked me to come but I had papers to mark. and I didn't really want to, I guess. It's not that I don't have a life without. well, it's not, no matter what Roger accused me of the other day. He doesn't have any room to talk anyway- at least I didn't lock myself up in the loft for 6 months and refuse to talk for 2. Although, sometimes I think maybe I should have. The other day at work, one of the other professors asked me if I still missed him. I couldn't believe it. She actually had the nerve to ask me if I still missed my Angel. The way she said it. he. he wasn't some shoe I lost and could just replace. he's my soulmate and nothing- and nobody- will ever be able to replace him. Ever.
I know, Roger said that about April, but this is different. What we had- me and my Angel- it was so much more real. And Roger saying that he managed to fall in love with Mimi doesn't mean anything. As great and sympathetic as he's been, he doesn't understand. No- stop it, Collins. You know this'll just upset you. And that's not what Angel would want.
I've been thinking about that a lot ever since. I've been thinking about that a lot. It's almost become a second life's motto for me- "What would Angel want?" and "No day but today". It sounds kind of crazy but. it makes me feel so much better about doing some things, knowing that Angel. well, knowing that he'd approve, I guess. Because I know that my Angel wouldn't want me to be sitting around moping forever and it makes me feel better when I suddenly catch myself having fun. Besides-
Suddenly the door opens and two excited voices interrupt my thoughts. I recognize one as Mark's and the other's as. I have no idea. It's higher then Roger's but it's obviously not a girl's. this is only slightly unusual. Mark doesn't normally bring home guys. did he come out and not tell me? Suddenly someone plops into my lap and I jump in shock. "Mark?" Again with things being unusual. Mark doesn't normally sit in my lap. hell, nobody normally sits in my lap.
"Collins!" He laughs loudly, and motions the other guy over. Alright, I'm really starting to get frightened now, this is incredibly odd. "I want you to meet someone. Collins, this is Aaron. Aaron, this is Collins." This is quite unusual. it's not that Mark can't be loud and hyper, but he's usually not around people he doesn't know very well. It takes him a long time to get comfortable around people. but he's obvious very comfortable around this guy.
"Ummm. hey Mark." I poke my head around Mark, so I can see the guy he was talking about and hold my hand out. "Hey Aaron, like Mark said, I'm Collins. My first name's Tom but all my friends call me Collins and. uh. you can call be Collins." Not that it's obvious that I'm slightly uncomfortable. Aaron shakes my hand, which I then use to poke Mark in the back. "Come on, Marky. Let's get up off Collins now."
Mark pops up off my lap and laughs again. "Sorry, Collins. Anyway, I'm going to go into my room now, leave you two alone. I'll be in there if you need me, but. have fun!" He grins at Aaron then practically skips into his room. Things are starting to make sense now.
"So. uh. I hear you're a teacher?" Aaron grins at me, very similar to Mark's grin, and fidgets around a bit. Brilliant Mark. yeah, I definitely understand what's going on now, and I think I'm going to need to fix it before anything happens.
"Yeah, I teach. Computer Age Philosophy, at NYU." I look up at him and smile slightly, shaking me head. "Okay, I understand what Mark's doing, and I appreciate it, you can tell him that. But I don't know if Mark told you this. I recently came out of a relationship with my. with my soulmate. And. ummm. I'm just really really not wanting to go into another relationship, so. I mean, don't think this reflects badly on you, because it doesn't, you're cute and all, but I can't." This is pathetic. I'm usually a thousand times more articulate than this. except for when I was around my Angel. He could always reduce me into a stammering idiot with that look of his. God, I miss him. I know, I claimed I was "over" it and I am, I'm not in mourning anymore. but I still want him back. And I know that's never going to go away, but that makes me happy. I know I'll never forget him. And I would never want to forget him, anything about him.
I suddenly realize that Aaron is staring at me, looking slightly concerned. "Sorry, I was just thinking. Anyway, I didn't mean to get your hopes up or anything. Why don't you go talk to Mark instead or something?" I glance over at his door then look back at Aaron, holding back a smile. "You'd be better for him, anyway," I say softly, not sure if I'm saying it to myself or him.
"Yeah. I actually kinda approached him for him, I didn't expect this. I thought." I watch Aaron turn bright red and almost struggle to keep talking. "I thought he was into me too, but I guess I read him wrong. he's straight."
"Maybe." I say, laughing. "Or maybe he just doesn't know if he's gay yet because he hasn't met the right person. I think there's a. something here though, Mark doesn't get comfortable with people that easily and he's been incredibly comfortable with you. I mean, you saw him, he doesn't act like that around new people. Just go talk to him, okay? Maybe it'll take some time. but I really think there's something there."
"Thanks, Collins." That's not really the reaction I thought I would get, but maybe there's more to that 'thanks' than just the one word. I've never really been the greatest at reading people, which is just ironic. I suddenly realize that Aaron's no longer sitting in front of me and I can hear muffled voices coming from Mark's room.
"No. he said he wasn't really ready, I think he still misses the Angel you were telling me about."
"Oh. hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"No, it's okay. It's really not a big deal. I'm sure I can find another good one who's not straight."
"I bet you could. I mean, it wouldn't be that hard for you to find a guy, cuz. you know. you're cute and. I mean."
"Don't worry about it. Anyway, what were you doing while I was out there?"
I smile and return to my papers. I kind of feel like Angel. he would have done that, he loved doing things to help other people find happiness. Like when Mimi was upset about a fight between her and Roger, he was always there to hold her and reassure her that everything would turn out okay and they'd get back together. And now she comes to me. I don't mind. I think Angel would be proud of me, and that means the world to me. I miss him, but I'm going to keep part of him here. Because I would never want to lose my Angel.
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Okay, well. plot is moving along nicely, I have no idea when the next chapter will come, but it'll probably be a return to the Lisa-Maureen storyline. I hope you all didn't forget about them!
Disclaimer: All the characters, other then Aaron belong to the genius that is Jonathan Larson. :)
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Collins
"Cynical Town Can Be Tough On An Angel"
They all went to some club, apparently to meet someone. They asked me to come but I had papers to mark. and I didn't really want to, I guess. It's not that I don't have a life without. well, it's not, no matter what Roger accused me of the other day. He doesn't have any room to talk anyway- at least I didn't lock myself up in the loft for 6 months and refuse to talk for 2. Although, sometimes I think maybe I should have. The other day at work, one of the other professors asked me if I still missed him. I couldn't believe it. She actually had the nerve to ask me if I still missed my Angel. The way she said it. he. he wasn't some shoe I lost and could just replace. he's my soulmate and nothing- and nobody- will ever be able to replace him. Ever.
I know, Roger said that about April, but this is different. What we had- me and my Angel- it was so much more real. And Roger saying that he managed to fall in love with Mimi doesn't mean anything. As great and sympathetic as he's been, he doesn't understand. No- stop it, Collins. You know this'll just upset you. And that's not what Angel would want.
I've been thinking about that a lot ever since. I've been thinking about that a lot. It's almost become a second life's motto for me- "What would Angel want?" and "No day but today". It sounds kind of crazy but. it makes me feel so much better about doing some things, knowing that Angel. well, knowing that he'd approve, I guess. Because I know that my Angel wouldn't want me to be sitting around moping forever and it makes me feel better when I suddenly catch myself having fun. Besides-
Suddenly the door opens and two excited voices interrupt my thoughts. I recognize one as Mark's and the other's as. I have no idea. It's higher then Roger's but it's obviously not a girl's. this is only slightly unusual. Mark doesn't normally bring home guys. did he come out and not tell me? Suddenly someone plops into my lap and I jump in shock. "Mark?" Again with things being unusual. Mark doesn't normally sit in my lap. hell, nobody normally sits in my lap.
"Collins!" He laughs loudly, and motions the other guy over. Alright, I'm really starting to get frightened now, this is incredibly odd. "I want you to meet someone. Collins, this is Aaron. Aaron, this is Collins." This is quite unusual. it's not that Mark can't be loud and hyper, but he's usually not around people he doesn't know very well. It takes him a long time to get comfortable around people. but he's obvious very comfortable around this guy.
"Ummm. hey Mark." I poke my head around Mark, so I can see the guy he was talking about and hold my hand out. "Hey Aaron, like Mark said, I'm Collins. My first name's Tom but all my friends call me Collins and. uh. you can call be Collins." Not that it's obvious that I'm slightly uncomfortable. Aaron shakes my hand, which I then use to poke Mark in the back. "Come on, Marky. Let's get up off Collins now."
Mark pops up off my lap and laughs again. "Sorry, Collins. Anyway, I'm going to go into my room now, leave you two alone. I'll be in there if you need me, but. have fun!" He grins at Aaron then practically skips into his room. Things are starting to make sense now.
"So. uh. I hear you're a teacher?" Aaron grins at me, very similar to Mark's grin, and fidgets around a bit. Brilliant Mark. yeah, I definitely understand what's going on now, and I think I'm going to need to fix it before anything happens.
"Yeah, I teach. Computer Age Philosophy, at NYU." I look up at him and smile slightly, shaking me head. "Okay, I understand what Mark's doing, and I appreciate it, you can tell him that. But I don't know if Mark told you this. I recently came out of a relationship with my. with my soulmate. And. ummm. I'm just really really not wanting to go into another relationship, so. I mean, don't think this reflects badly on you, because it doesn't, you're cute and all, but I can't." This is pathetic. I'm usually a thousand times more articulate than this. except for when I was around my Angel. He could always reduce me into a stammering idiot with that look of his. God, I miss him. I know, I claimed I was "over" it and I am, I'm not in mourning anymore. but I still want him back. And I know that's never going to go away, but that makes me happy. I know I'll never forget him. And I would never want to forget him, anything about him.
I suddenly realize that Aaron is staring at me, looking slightly concerned. "Sorry, I was just thinking. Anyway, I didn't mean to get your hopes up or anything. Why don't you go talk to Mark instead or something?" I glance over at his door then look back at Aaron, holding back a smile. "You'd be better for him, anyway," I say softly, not sure if I'm saying it to myself or him.
"Yeah. I actually kinda approached him for him, I didn't expect this. I thought." I watch Aaron turn bright red and almost struggle to keep talking. "I thought he was into me too, but I guess I read him wrong. he's straight."
"Maybe." I say, laughing. "Or maybe he just doesn't know if he's gay yet because he hasn't met the right person. I think there's a. something here though, Mark doesn't get comfortable with people that easily and he's been incredibly comfortable with you. I mean, you saw him, he doesn't act like that around new people. Just go talk to him, okay? Maybe it'll take some time. but I really think there's something there."
"Thanks, Collins." That's not really the reaction I thought I would get, but maybe there's more to that 'thanks' than just the one word. I've never really been the greatest at reading people, which is just ironic. I suddenly realize that Aaron's no longer sitting in front of me and I can hear muffled voices coming from Mark's room.
"No. he said he wasn't really ready, I think he still misses the Angel you were telling me about."
"Oh. hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"No, it's okay. It's really not a big deal. I'm sure I can find another good one who's not straight."
"I bet you could. I mean, it wouldn't be that hard for you to find a guy, cuz. you know. you're cute and. I mean."
"Don't worry about it. Anyway, what were you doing while I was out there?"
I smile and return to my papers. I kind of feel like Angel. he would have done that, he loved doing things to help other people find happiness. Like when Mimi was upset about a fight between her and Roger, he was always there to hold her and reassure her that everything would turn out okay and they'd get back together. And now she comes to me. I don't mind. I think Angel would be proud of me, and that means the world to me. I miss him, but I'm going to keep part of him here. Because I would never want to lose my Angel.
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Okay, well. plot is moving along nicely, I have no idea when the next chapter will come, but it'll probably be a return to the Lisa-Maureen storyline. I hope you all didn't forget about them!
Disclaimer: All the characters, other then Aaron belong to the genius that is Jonathan Larson. :)
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