X

Mark

"What More Can You Want?"

I shift around nervously, staring up at Aaron's door. What am I doing here anyway? Just because I heard Roger and Mimi yelling… That's such a random reason to run away. What's to say he was going to come stomping up to the loft and start yelling at me anyway? For all I know, they made up on their own this time. I grin a little at that thought, like that's possible. Suddenly Aaron pulls the door open and I nearly jump a foot.

"Marky!" He exclaims excitedly, pulling me into a big hug. I have to laugh at that, he's so cute when he gets excited… he's almost always excited when I see him, though. It makes me happy to have someone so happy to see me and I don't even mind that he uses the same nickname Maureen used to. You'd think it would… but as long as he doesn't take to calling me 'Pookie' I don't mind at all. Besides, he wouldn't start calling me Pookie anyway, that's what you call people that you're in a relationship with. And he's not interested in me anyway so—wait, what did I just think? Why should it be of note that he's not interested in me?

Aaron suddenly seems to realize that I'm not entirely here and pulls away from me, resting his hands on my shoulders and peering into my eyes. He's so nice to me, that makes me happy. "Mark… you okay? Nothing's going wrong?" I shrug a little and, still resting his hands on my shoulders, he leads me into the apartment and sits me down on his couch. "Okay, Mark, what's up? You running over here is kinda unusual, I usually get at least 3 phone calls making sure it's alright for you to come."

I just shrug again, looking down at the ends of my scarf as his hand creeps over and tightly clamps onto mine. He really wants me to talk, doesn't he? "I don't know… I just… I heard Mimi and Roger yelling downstairs and I really wasn't in the mood to listen to Roger ranting about how she's "such a skank" or anything like that, so… I left. And… I figured I'd come here because Roger wouldn't ever be intelligent enough to figure out I was here and follow me to rant like he would do if I went to Maureen's and…" I shrug again, and he meets my eyes, gently brushing a finger over the back of my hand.

"Does it really bother you that much when they fight?" Aaron asks softly and I suddenly tighten my hold on his hand. I didn't expect that. I pretty much expected him to go "Awww, poor baby", tell me I could stay there and ask me if I want a beer like Maureen would. He's so different from her... I should have started running here earlier. I should have known him earlier.

"I… It's just ridiculous, I mean… they're grown adults—or at least he is, she's still a teenager—they should be able to work out their own problems. And I'm just sick of being Roger's verbal punching bag, you know? Everytime he's the littlest bit upset with her, I get screamed at. 'Mark, why don't we have any food?' 'Mark, why don't I have any cigarettes left?' 'Mark, why the fuck is all your fucking camera shit all over the fucking loft?' It's barely even his loft anymore, it's not like he's ever there. And then Mimi… 'Mark, how come I'm never good enough for Roger?' 'Mark, why can't he just trust me?' 'Mark, the girls at the club keep trying to pass me smack and I don't know how to keep saying no.' It's like I can't even have my own life, because I have to keep taking care of them and making sure they don't kill each other and it's just too much sometimes, I…" I trail off as I suddenly realize how much I just said. I never talk about myself… maybe I never really get the chance.

I'm suddenly aware of Aaron's arms wrapped tightly around me and his hand pressing my head against his chest, stroking my hair gently. This is very unusual… someone is trying to comfort me. I'm not totally sure how to react, so I just carefully slip my arms around him as well. It's interesting if you think about it, I've been around people so much, I've always had at least one roommate… but I've also always been pretty alone. And I've never realized either… I pull my head up and look right at Aaron, surprised by how clear he seems. I glance down at my hands, one resting on my leg and the other curled around one of Aaron's arms, and I realize what feels so strange.

I don't have my camera. I'm away from home, in a completely different situation, that I've never been in… someone taking care of me. And normally I'd want to get this on film so I could dissect it later and figure out every exact motivation, but right now I'm… fine. I'm fine with just living it and not worrying about thinking about it later. Because later doesn't matter, it's going to be fine then too.

"Mark…" I hear Aaron say softly, tipping my head up to look at him. "I'm sorry… and you're right, they are adults. You can come here anytime you need to, promise… hey!" He smiles excitedly and lets go of me, jumping up off the couch and running into the kitchen. I sit there, feeling mystified and, for some reason, missing the feeling of him holding on me. Suddenly he jumps over the back of the couch and happily drops something into my hand. I look down at it and raise an eyebrow. A key? "See, now you can come anytime… even if I'm not home!"

I start laughing at him—he's sitting there, nodding at the rate of about a thousand a minute and just looks adorable. I lean over and hug him tightly, surprising myself. I've never really been one for physical contact. "Thank you, Aaron."

"Hey, you're welcome, cutie!" He hugs me back and I can almost feel the happiness radiating from him. It's kind of odd, I've never had anyone this happy to be around me. My arm starts to fall asleep, so I pull them back, sitting smiling up at Aaron a bit.

"You know what's funny? The other day, Roger had this big, long conversation about how it's like you and me are together. It was—" I break off as I notice his face fall. Did I say something wrong? I mean… we're friends, right? And I'm straight… right? "Aaron…?"

"Mark… I have to say something. You're gonna hate me and be disgusted and probably never want to touch me again, but…" He trails off, visibly swallowing hard and I just sit there staring. What's wrong? "I… okay, you know when we met at that club and I was talking about what kind of guys I like? I was… I was trying to describe you. I mean… at first I was just like 'Ooh, cute guy, I like' and then we started hanging out and got to be friends and I think I… I fell in love with you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mark… I never meant to ruin us, I just wanted to hang out, but it's hard watching… I can't help but love you…"

I sit there for a second, staring at him. He loves me? Somehow… this doesn't surprise or bother me at all. I feel almost like I knew already. I tentatively reach a hand out towards him and am suddenly very aware of a pair of very male lips pressing against mine. Aaron's kissing me? And suddenly, I'm kissing him back. This is very odd… but at the same time, it seems comfortable. But I thought I was straight? Suddenly Aaron breaks away and nearly throws himself across the room. "Mark, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He's not going to cry? I don't want him to cry…

I find myself carefully getting up from the couch and going over to him, slipping my arms around his chest. He likes contact… maybe that'll stop him from being sad. "Aaron… I like you too. I just… I'm straight and—"

"I know… I'm sorry, Mark, I didn't mean to… I didn't want you to be uncomfortable, I didn't want to kiss you… I couldn't help…" He's crying… no, that's not good, he's usually so happy. I nervously reach up and wipe a few tears off his face, surprised by how familiar that seems too.

"I'm not… Aaron… I don't mean… I like you. 'Cuz I'm straight, but I still like you and I still want to hang out with you and maybe we could…" I lean up and tentatively run a hand over his cheek, then kiss him lightly. I'm kissing a guy… free will… and I don't care. It's just me kissing a guy that I… care about. Deeply. Love? Maybe I do love him… I could. That makes sense… and I guess it explains this feeling. I don't think I've ever really been in love before. I mean, there was Maureen, but she didn't really…

I finally pull away from Aaron and stand there, staring at him again. "Maybe we could… that. I mean, us getting together would make sense… we're close enough already and I… I love you too, Aaron." There, I said it. I can't take it back now… besides, it being said makes it real.

He suddenly bursts out laughing and I jump. "Mark, you are so cute… look, we need to talk, okay?" I frown a little, that's always so ominous sounding. "Awww… don't pout, Marky… we just have things to figure out. They don't have to be now." I smile a little as his arms slip back around me and his lips are back on mine. Yay.

I feel the key pressing into my palm and I smile even more as I realize that it can be just fine. Yay, it doesn't matter, I'm going to be happy. Mark's going to be happy… and I have someone.

I need to stop thinking, I always do this—dissect things. I push all thoughts out of my head and just focus on the guy in my arms. The guy I love… the guy. And I could care less. This is what I want… I want him. Love him.

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Yep… I've almost completed everything in this that I wanted to… unless people want more… in which case you need to tell me… *nods*

Disclaimer: No one in this except for Aaron and (kind of) Lisa belong to me… they all belong to the wonderful Jonathan Larson.

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