Love; Breakdown Ch.4 - B´Elanna´s POV inside Tom´s memory
Love; Breakdown Ch.4 - B´Elanna´s POV inside Tom´s memory
It was horrible.
The whole time from when Tom asked 'why did Anna leave me?', I thought that Anna was another old girlfriend who dumped him.
I was totally wrong.
Harry, Tuvok and I met outside Holodeck 1 at 0530 this morning.
The blood was throbbing in my body, the thought of perhaps getting Tom back made me dizzy. Still does.
The three of us found Tom sleeping in a simple camp bed, which meant that he at least would be almost sober.
Tuvok accessed the controls and changed Sandrine's into that program Harry had told me so much about, the one he hoped would be able to make us understand how Tom feels, to help him, cure him.
Tuvok held a long briefing, some Vulcans have a tendency of getting long-winded and boring.
The truth is that I didn´t pay much attention to Tuvok´s lecture, only when he asked me a direct question.
My undivided attention went to Tom.
He sat shrunken at an old, worn-out sofa, staring at that sibyl, who unveiled stared back.
She was programmed to not pay attention to anyone but Tom.
Tuvok immediately shut up and I knew exactly what Tom would have done, smile and whisper something like "This is the best thing that have happened me today," to the closest person, even if it turned out to be the Captain. I just don´t have anyone to whisper to anymore.
The old sibyl told Tom to lay down, and amazingly, he complied.
She lit a few candles, opened the small bottles filled with oil and at last she lit the incense by holding them into the candle-flames.
Her carriage got filled with the heavy smell of perfume and I saw Tom beginning to doze off.
The Doctor had given me, Harry and Tuvok something he´d made up to resist strong smells, such as old incense.
Tuvok held one of his hands at Tom´s shoulder and the other one at mine, Harry held my hand in a *very* tight grip.
The poor man was so nervous, and I can´t say *I* wasn´t.
Then Tuvok began.
"My mind to your mind... Your mind to my mind..."
After he had repeated it for a few times, the carriage´s brown wooden walls slowly began to change.
Everything i could see began to shimmer and a thick, white fog began rolling in.
When the fog sunk down to my ankles, Harry and I no longer were in the old fortune-teller´s small carriage.
We stood at a street, it was an early morning, the air was chilly and the lights in the houses around the street were very few.
I let go of Harry´s sweaty palm.
He looked just as doubting as i felt. I doubted whether Tuvok sent us to the right memory,whether this could be right, whether it had worked at all or net, maybe he had changed the program and we were in someone´s block.
After approximately ten minutes full of lost looks and fear some things finally begun to change.
A few more lights greeted u, we saw a few cars drive by, some people working early shifts somewhere probably.
Harry and I had gone to a time when the magnet powered traffic still was running.
After another fifteen minutes we saw some kids on the move. They had back packers or school bags and walked in small groups.
I heard a little girls delighted laugh from somewhere to my left, I didn´t even bother turning my head to look at that happy girl.
My head was full of thoughts but there was one I tortured myself with. What had this to do with when 'Anna left Tom'?
"Look, Tommy! There´s a wagtail!"
Both Harry and I wrenched and spun around.
Two kids, a girl between eight and ten... and a boy, maybe six years old.
"Aren´t they pretty?"
The little boy asked the bigger girl,his voice was shrill and he had a big black hole in his upper jaw, probably he´d lost his two front teeth.
This Tom was so cute, so innocent, so pure.
The girl had to be his sister, underneath her knit cap flap long, flaxen hair.
"Oh, Tommy! Look!" She exclaimed.
"There´s our ball! Can you get it and I´ll run over the street and check if Mary´s ready to go."
"Okay, Anna!"
Tommy ran to pick up the red ball which was laying in the green grass beside the sidewalk.
His sneakers and a bit of his grey pants got wet thanks to the dew in the grass.
Anna ran over one of the lanes and stopped at the small string of grass and curb in the middle.
She rested for a while not far from where Harry and I were standing.
I don´t know why, but for some reason I held my breath.
Anna only had one lane to go, and i stood there, breathless, my fingers crossed so hard it hurt.
I wanted her to make it over the street so much, *so* much.
Deep down inside I knew she wouldn´t. After what seemed like an eternity she jumped down from the grass, her shoes and tights also wet.
Anna looked in both directions before walking.
At this point I couldn´t feel my fingers.
When she was in the middle of the second lane a truck approached from her left.
Anna saw it too late, she didn´t have the time to move.
I couldn´t see the drivers face.
I ogle at Harry, his eyes were closed, his fists clenched.
After what seemed like another eternity, I heard what I´d feared since I saw the Paris siblings. A stifled thud.
I forced myself to turn my head towards Anna again.
It was blood everywhere. I forced myself to look at Tom too, his little mouth wide open, the ball rolling away from the place where it had landed when it fell from Tom´s open hands.
A man and a woman came running out of one of the nearby houses. the truck driver stared at Anna, smoking his third cigarette since he left his truck one minute ago.
"It´s Captain Paris' daughter!" Shouted the man who ran out.
"Call the hospital! I´ll call the Captain!"
I felt numb, could nothing do but stare. I have no idea how long time that went by, but I saw some medics and a hover car arrive in high speed.
The man who hurried out of the car had to be Owen Paris. The medics had arrived a moment before him and Anna was now resting at a cold steel litter.
I heard one of the medics tell Owen Paris that 'she hadn´t felt *a thing*'.
Little Tommy wasn´t there anymore.
The ball had stopped at the curb. A soft drizzle made it´s used surface glisten.
Harry stifled a sob, his voice shivered;
"Now we at least know what happened to Anna."
It all felt like something cut directly out of some old movie, one of these where the people who go see it are expected bringing hankies to the movies.
I wondered where Tom ran of to, what he did there, what he thought about, what he *felt* after seeing his sister getting hit by a truck. But I was the only one who seemed to look at something else than that little human on the big litter.
Then again, I might get the chance to someday ask him those questions, but then I can only *hope* of doing it. Only hope.
The drizzle grew heavier and soon everything was soaking wet. My clothes, my hair, even my heart felt wet, perhaps it was my 'hot Klingon blood' that leaked out.
The almost fresh blood started to flow towards the gutter. The red, innocent blood, belonging to an innocent little girl.
A girl who no longer had the chance to revolt, smoke, drink, fight, sneak out in the middle of the night. No, she wouldn´t even get the chance.
That was when the fog started rolling in again.
The death place shimmered and disappeared in front of my shocked eyes.
A moment later I was back in that small, stinking carriage along with a just a shocked Harry, the professional Tuvok, the humming sibyl and the present days Tom Paris.
I couldn´t find any resemblance with Tom the pilot and the little ball-picking boy. When I try to do it now, I still can´t, not anything.
But there´s got to be something, he can´t be that changed, that devastated.
Or could he, that´s the question.
Luckily, Tuvok didn´t ask any questions, he just told us that we had been there for such a long time, almost two hours, so he decided to take us back.
The sibyl drank a glass Irish Whiskey, Harry pressed his lips together, probably to not start crying, Tom stirred.
After returning the still passed out Tom to his bed at Sandrine´s we left the Holodeck.
The numb feeling which squeezed my heart wouldn´t go away, not until I met Chakotay in the hallway.
"How did it go?"
Those four words broke something inside of me.
My only goal that moment was to get to my quarters, get to my bed.
As soon as I reached my bedroom I ordered the lights off, stumbled to my bed and flung myself on it, and cried.
I cried like I hadn´t done since I realized my father wouldn´t come back.
I´ve been taken out of duty until we know if Tom´s psychic health took any damage by us entering his memories.
I hope he´ll wake up, jump out of bed and go for a dare-devil flight immediately.
That´s just a silly dream. Deep down I know that won´t happen.
I´ll have to be glad if he wakes up ever again. If he doesn´t that´s my fault too. ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By Tha1n0nlYVoy_Girl * 28-29/1 2002.
As usual; Continue??
Love; Breakdown Ch.4 - B´Elanna´s POV inside Tom´s memory
It was horrible.
The whole time from when Tom asked 'why did Anna leave me?', I thought that Anna was another old girlfriend who dumped him.
I was totally wrong.
Harry, Tuvok and I met outside Holodeck 1 at 0530 this morning.
The blood was throbbing in my body, the thought of perhaps getting Tom back made me dizzy. Still does.
The three of us found Tom sleeping in a simple camp bed, which meant that he at least would be almost sober.
Tuvok accessed the controls and changed Sandrine's into that program Harry had told me so much about, the one he hoped would be able to make us understand how Tom feels, to help him, cure him.
Tuvok held a long briefing, some Vulcans have a tendency of getting long-winded and boring.
The truth is that I didn´t pay much attention to Tuvok´s lecture, only when he asked me a direct question.
My undivided attention went to Tom.
He sat shrunken at an old, worn-out sofa, staring at that sibyl, who unveiled stared back.
She was programmed to not pay attention to anyone but Tom.
Tuvok immediately shut up and I knew exactly what Tom would have done, smile and whisper something like "This is the best thing that have happened me today," to the closest person, even if it turned out to be the Captain. I just don´t have anyone to whisper to anymore.
The old sibyl told Tom to lay down, and amazingly, he complied.
She lit a few candles, opened the small bottles filled with oil and at last she lit the incense by holding them into the candle-flames.
Her carriage got filled with the heavy smell of perfume and I saw Tom beginning to doze off.
The Doctor had given me, Harry and Tuvok something he´d made up to resist strong smells, such as old incense.
Tuvok held one of his hands at Tom´s shoulder and the other one at mine, Harry held my hand in a *very* tight grip.
The poor man was so nervous, and I can´t say *I* wasn´t.
Then Tuvok began.
"My mind to your mind... Your mind to my mind..."
After he had repeated it for a few times, the carriage´s brown wooden walls slowly began to change.
Everything i could see began to shimmer and a thick, white fog began rolling in.
When the fog sunk down to my ankles, Harry and I no longer were in the old fortune-teller´s small carriage.
We stood at a street, it was an early morning, the air was chilly and the lights in the houses around the street were very few.
I let go of Harry´s sweaty palm.
He looked just as doubting as i felt. I doubted whether Tuvok sent us to the right memory,whether this could be right, whether it had worked at all or net, maybe he had changed the program and we were in someone´s block.
After approximately ten minutes full of lost looks and fear some things finally begun to change.
A few more lights greeted u, we saw a few cars drive by, some people working early shifts somewhere probably.
Harry and I had gone to a time when the magnet powered traffic still was running.
After another fifteen minutes we saw some kids on the move. They had back packers or school bags and walked in small groups.
I heard a little girls delighted laugh from somewhere to my left, I didn´t even bother turning my head to look at that happy girl.
My head was full of thoughts but there was one I tortured myself with. What had this to do with when 'Anna left Tom'?
"Look, Tommy! There´s a wagtail!"
Both Harry and I wrenched and spun around.
Two kids, a girl between eight and ten... and a boy, maybe six years old.
"Aren´t they pretty?"
The little boy asked the bigger girl,his voice was shrill and he had a big black hole in his upper jaw, probably he´d lost his two front teeth.
This Tom was so cute, so innocent, so pure.
The girl had to be his sister, underneath her knit cap flap long, flaxen hair.
"Oh, Tommy! Look!" She exclaimed.
"There´s our ball! Can you get it and I´ll run over the street and check if Mary´s ready to go."
"Okay, Anna!"
Tommy ran to pick up the red ball which was laying in the green grass beside the sidewalk.
His sneakers and a bit of his grey pants got wet thanks to the dew in the grass.
Anna ran over one of the lanes and stopped at the small string of grass and curb in the middle.
She rested for a while not far from where Harry and I were standing.
I don´t know why, but for some reason I held my breath.
Anna only had one lane to go, and i stood there, breathless, my fingers crossed so hard it hurt.
I wanted her to make it over the street so much, *so* much.
Deep down inside I knew she wouldn´t. After what seemed like an eternity she jumped down from the grass, her shoes and tights also wet.
Anna looked in both directions before walking.
At this point I couldn´t feel my fingers.
When she was in the middle of the second lane a truck approached from her left.
Anna saw it too late, she didn´t have the time to move.
I couldn´t see the drivers face.
I ogle at Harry, his eyes were closed, his fists clenched.
After what seemed like another eternity, I heard what I´d feared since I saw the Paris siblings. A stifled thud.
I forced myself to turn my head towards Anna again.
It was blood everywhere. I forced myself to look at Tom too, his little mouth wide open, the ball rolling away from the place where it had landed when it fell from Tom´s open hands.
A man and a woman came running out of one of the nearby houses. the truck driver stared at Anna, smoking his third cigarette since he left his truck one minute ago.
"It´s Captain Paris' daughter!" Shouted the man who ran out.
"Call the hospital! I´ll call the Captain!"
I felt numb, could nothing do but stare. I have no idea how long time that went by, but I saw some medics and a hover car arrive in high speed.
The man who hurried out of the car had to be Owen Paris. The medics had arrived a moment before him and Anna was now resting at a cold steel litter.
I heard one of the medics tell Owen Paris that 'she hadn´t felt *a thing*'.
Little Tommy wasn´t there anymore.
The ball had stopped at the curb. A soft drizzle made it´s used surface glisten.
Harry stifled a sob, his voice shivered;
"Now we at least know what happened to Anna."
It all felt like something cut directly out of some old movie, one of these where the people who go see it are expected bringing hankies to the movies.
I wondered where Tom ran of to, what he did there, what he thought about, what he *felt* after seeing his sister getting hit by a truck. But I was the only one who seemed to look at something else than that little human on the big litter.
Then again, I might get the chance to someday ask him those questions, but then I can only *hope* of doing it. Only hope.
The drizzle grew heavier and soon everything was soaking wet. My clothes, my hair, even my heart felt wet, perhaps it was my 'hot Klingon blood' that leaked out.
The almost fresh blood started to flow towards the gutter. The red, innocent blood, belonging to an innocent little girl.
A girl who no longer had the chance to revolt, smoke, drink, fight, sneak out in the middle of the night. No, she wouldn´t even get the chance.
That was when the fog started rolling in again.
The death place shimmered and disappeared in front of my shocked eyes.
A moment later I was back in that small, stinking carriage along with a just a shocked Harry, the professional Tuvok, the humming sibyl and the present days Tom Paris.
I couldn´t find any resemblance with Tom the pilot and the little ball-picking boy. When I try to do it now, I still can´t, not anything.
But there´s got to be something, he can´t be that changed, that devastated.
Or could he, that´s the question.
Luckily, Tuvok didn´t ask any questions, he just told us that we had been there for such a long time, almost two hours, so he decided to take us back.
The sibyl drank a glass Irish Whiskey, Harry pressed his lips together, probably to not start crying, Tom stirred.
After returning the still passed out Tom to his bed at Sandrine´s we left the Holodeck.
The numb feeling which squeezed my heart wouldn´t go away, not until I met Chakotay in the hallway.
"How did it go?"
Those four words broke something inside of me.
My only goal that moment was to get to my quarters, get to my bed.
As soon as I reached my bedroom I ordered the lights off, stumbled to my bed and flung myself on it, and cried.
I cried like I hadn´t done since I realized my father wouldn´t come back.
I´ve been taken out of duty until we know if Tom´s psychic health took any damage by us entering his memories.
I hope he´ll wake up, jump out of bed and go for a dare-devil flight immediately.
That´s just a silly dream. Deep down I know that won´t happen.
I´ll have to be glad if he wakes up ever again. If he doesn´t that´s my fault too. ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By Tha1n0nlYVoy_Girl * 28-29/1 2002.
As usual; Continue??