Disclaimers: Neither Gundam Wing or the characters belong to me (aren't you
all thankful?). I only wish they did. Suing is pointless seeing as I'm
completely broke…
Notes: I wrote this a while ago and haven't read it since. I just found it and decided to post it. I hope it's not too bad. I honestly don't remember if I liked this one or not. I think I did…
~*~An Angel Descends~*~
Duo hated silence, more than anything. More than war, more than OZ, more than anything. Being alone was a close second, however. Unfortunately, he was all alone in the dreadful silence of the village at night. He hadn't been surrounded in such complete loneliness and silence in a long time. Not since the church was destroyed. Silence was always the result of something sad, and now was a time of sadness. It couldn't be helped.
He closed his eyes and leaned back against the windowsill, staring out the window. It felt so wrong, being here. The people here were celebrating, while he felt a dark sadness pulling at him. He just couldn't force himself to be happy now. Not that he couldn't make the others believe he was happy, but he couldn't feel it.
"Heero you asshole," Duo muttered to himself, wrapping arms around his chest as he closed his eyes. The same moment had been replaying itself in his mind ever since it had happened. Damn OZ scums, it was all their fault. He didn't know why he cared so much. Sure, Heero was his friend and not feeling anything right now would be cruel, but none of the others were going through what he was. He absently wondered whether he felt something more for Heero than just friendship, but his thinking was disturbed as he felt Quatre's hands on his shoulder, and a blanket wrapping around him.
Duo blinked and looked over his shoulder at him. He was smiling slightly, yet it made Duo feel a little better. Quatre had that effect on people. "Desert nights tend to be cold. If you're going to stay up at least don't get sick on us," Quatre explained, sitting down at the table next to the window, pouring himself something to drink. "You want anything to drink?" Quatre offered and Duo shook his head, looking back out the window. Quatre sighed, he had a feeling Duo would be going through something slightly worse than the others, he seemed to have known Heero a lot better than anyone else had. He hardly knew the boy himself, and he was willing to bet Heero and Duo hadn't managed to get very close (the boy hadn't seemed like the type to get close to many people) but getting to know Heero at all was more than he could say for his and Heero's relationship.
"Aren't you tired?" Duo asked after a while, not looking back at the Arabian boy behind him. Quatre shrugged.
"I guess so, but I have a feeling you need some company right now. Besides, it's not like I'm not used to staying up 48 hours straight," Duo blinked a couple times, looking over at him.
"48 hours and you're not tired?" Duo asked, a little surprised. Sure, he did it to, but not at the moment. If he had a free chance to get some sleep after 48 hours he would damn well take it, and fast. Sleep wasn't something they tended to get a lot of.
"Of course I'm tired, but it's not like it's something I can't deal with." Duo smiled at him gratefully. Quatre smiled back, he was glad to see Duo smiling again, and really meaning it.
"Thanks for the company, Quatre. I hate being alone." Quatre nodded.
"Everyone does," he responded and Duo half laughed, turning to look back out the window.
"Sure seemed like Heero enjoyed it. He always ignored everyone else. Always. And he never wanted anyone's help, either. He wasn't all that fun to live with. At least he put up with me though, more than I can say for most people. I tend to drive them insane," Duo joked, but he wasn't smiling. He couldn't bring himself to smile at his own jokes, not now. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day for him, he was still a wreck from the last couple of days. Some good sleep would help clear his head.
"I don't think so. He's still human," Duo laughed softly and jumped off the windowsill, looking over at Quatre.
"There's times I doubt that even." Duo smiled again, giving Quatre a thumbs-up. "Thanks for the help, I really needed it. I'm going to sleep some now, clear my head. You'd better go to sleep soon, too. Five bucks says there's something new and interesting to do tomorrow, there's ALWAYS something new or interesting to do tomorrow." Quatre smiled and nodded and Duo headed off to the room his bed was being kept him, dropping the blanket on the chair just inside the door and falling back onto his bed. He flinched as the bed made a strange noise and proceeded to ignore it, closing his eyes and trying to fall asleep. However, closing his eyes just made his mind replay yesterday perfectly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Honestly, you'd think he was the one who hadn't slept in two days," Quatre whined as he finally gave up on trying to wake Duo up. He hadn't quite figured out the impossibility of that task yet, but he was heading towards the answer quite quickly. Everyone knew that it was impossible to wake Duo up unless there was an emergency. Either that or a ton of food at his feet, but no one had ever bothered to try that more than once, seeing as they wanted to keep their fingers (and any other body part that might come between Duo and his food) in tact.
"Master Quatre..." Quatre turned around to face Rusheed as he stood in the doorway. He crossed his arms and shrugged, motioning at the other boy with his head. Rusheed nodded his understanding, leaving, and Quatre sighed, turning back to Duo.
"Come on, don't you want to eat? It's not going to wait for you forever." Duo sat up quickly and looked around.
"Food?" he asked. He hadn't really had anything to eat first thing in the morning for a while now. He wasn't exactly up in time for breakfast if he could help it, and people had given up on waking him up a long time ago. Quatre nodded and headed for the door.
"Yeah. You're hungry, aren't you?" he asked from the doorway, looking back at him. Duo nodded, drooling slightly. Quatre laughed sweetly and headed out of the room. "Tell me when you're ready and we'll find something to eat. The others are probably done eating already." Duo nodded his understanding and got up, still feeling a little tired and a lot depressed. He just couldn't understand why this was eating away at him so much, but it hurt even more than he remembered the church incident hurting, and that had honestly (in 'Duo terms') sucked. He undid the band in his hair as he walked into the bathroom, undoing his hair as he closed the door behind him and glanced into the mirror. He frowned, picking up he brush and running it through his hair, wincing in pain every once in a while as he ran into tangles.
He frowned as he remembered the last time he'd forgotten to undo his hair before he'd gone to sleep. It had been even worse off then, seeing as he'd slept longer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You can't be serious! A guy like me, study?!" Duo asked, sitting down on the bed and glaring at Heero's back.
"It isn't appropriate for a gundam pilot to be failing any of his classes," Heero explained. Duo frowned and crossed his arms.
"If you want to play it that way I have a list of normal things a boy like you should do but you don't," Duo replied and Heero turned to look at him.
"Really?" he asked, sounding half curious and half smart-alecky. Duo hated it when he did that. It was like there were two different Heeros talking to him. One of them being the person he was used to and the other one being the Heero that he probably would have grown into under normal circumstances.
"Yeah, really." Heero's silence showed that he wanted to hear a couple. Duo sighed and raised his hand to indicate the number one. "A guy with your looks should have a million girls following him. Instead you've scared them all away." Duo raised another finger. "A guy with your ability and strength should DEFINITELY be in SOME sport or something." Duo raised his fingers for three. "Normal people study for finals the week before, not the month before. We should be having fun." Duo raised another finger, opening his mouth to speak before he felt Heero's hand press his fingers back down again.
"That's enough." Duo blinked a couple times and Heero went back to his laptop. "I don't feel like being distracted by a million girls, I'll probably transfer before the first game, I don't know how to have fun and you need to get your act together." Duo frowned at Heero. He seemed almost...regretful. Duo guessed that he wanted all those things he'd listed off. Now he felt bad for rubbing it in his face.
"Don't worry about me, I understand it. I was just to busy having fun to do anything else." Heero blinked a couple times as he found Duo sitting on his lap and smiling at him. "Come on and I'll teach you how to have fun!" he exclaimed and Heero blinked a couple times. Duo smiled even brighter, it was the first time he'd ever actually SEEN Heero react to something anyone had said to him.
"Is this...normal?" Heero asked and Duo blinked a couple times as well. He then noticed he was sitting on Heero's lap in a very suggestive manner and shrugged.
"Not at all," he answered truthfully.
"Then why are you doing it?" Heero asked in return.
"Your seriously asking?" Duo inquired, smiling. "Because I'm not normal. It's more fun when you do all the stuff everyone else is to afraid or embarrassed to do. It'd be normal for a little kid or a slut or something but I don't care. Now come on and let's have some fun!" Duo exclaimed, standing up and extending a hand to Heero. "You need a break and I need something to do. It works, doesn't it?" Heero took his hand and stood up, not sure what Duo wanted him to do. Duo laughed and dragged him out of the room, only stopping as Heero stopped to lock the door. It was then that Duo realized he wasn't really doing anything by holding onto Heero's hand except for assuring himself that if Heero decided to run away that he'd follow after him...willingly or not.
"Why are you dragging me with you?" Heero asked. He didn't know why Duo bothered, he knew he probably wasn't going to have any fun. He simply didn't know how.
"We're friends, aren't we?" Duo asked, looking over his shoulder at him. Heero seemed thoughtful for a moment before looking back up at him, looking quite sad.
"I've never had a friend before. What's it like?" he asked innocently and Duo smiled at him.
"Like you and me. We're friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He'd managed to get Heero to enjoy a couple things that night, and had crashed on his bed as soon as they'd gotten back, not bothering to change clothes or take his hair down. It was the next day when he'd begun to wonder what he felt for Heero. He'd normally ignored it though, and just focused and opening Heero up a little more, he'd needed it. He'd wanted it.
Heero'd helped him with his hair then in return for being nice to him that night and letting him have some fun. Duo absently-mindedly wondered whether super-boy could have survived after detonating his gundam. The logical part of him told him that of course he couldn't have survived, but another part of him, what Duo suspected was his heart, told him that it was always possible. *Heero's different, and strong. He'd make it through just about anything.* Duo reassured himself. He went back to happily combing his hair.
However, he couldn't keep his grip on his dream reality very long and it slipped, taking Duo with it. He collapsed onto the floor and buried his face in his hands, frustrated and depressed. He'd always ignored the small part of him that had told him he loved Heero, but now it was coming out more and more. It was like it was screaming in his ear now, tearing him apart. *It's too late now, isn't it? You couldn't have paid attention to yourself when you had the chance. Now suffer the loneliness. You've been through it before, you can take it.* Duo cried as his mind raced through everything, all the time he'd spent with Heero (there actually wasn't all THAT much to reflect on but he'd enjoyed what little time he'd had to make friends with Heero), Heero's death, and how he felt about it all.
"I did love Heero," Duo admitted, sobbing by now. *Look at yourself Duo, you still do.* he gave up on thinking and just continued to cry. He hadn't cried in a long time, and he desperately needed to get everything off his chest.
Quatre leaned against the wall, listening to his friend from the other room. He could hear him, but he didn't dare go talk to him. Duo needed to figure these things out on his own. He closed his eyes tightly as Duo's sobbing grew louder, wanting it all to disappear. He absently wondered what he'd do if Trowa died. He shook his head at the thought. *Duo and Heero weren't like that, you know that.*
Quatre brushed his own tears from his face, the silent few that found their way to his face. He hoped Duo would be alright, the boy had a reputation of doing things without thinking. And judging from Duo's reactions, he wasn't used to things this even remotely this big. Sure, they all might fight in the war, but they never had the chance to grow close to the people they had to kill. Having someone you care for die in the war...Quatre knew Duo had been through it before. He couldn't even begin to imagine the pain Duo'd gone through because of the war.
"Sorry Quatre," Duo apologized as he walked out of his room, his hair pulled back into a ponytail instead of his normal braid. He hadn't had the willpower or the energy to bother putting it up. Quatre pushed himself off the wall and smiled at him, shaking his head.
"Nothing to be sorry about. Come on, let's go find something to eat." Duo smiled brightly and nodded, even though he could care less about food. Right now all he wanted was time to think things through and get it out of his system. Food wasn't in any part of that process, but it would be rude and unlike him to not eat SOMETHING, if not his normal amount. Then again, he doubted anyone really expected him to act like nothing was wrong, they'd all seen him the day before.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Duo lied down on his bed again and stared at the wall, lying on his stomach with his arms crossed under his chin, the way he found most comfortable. He'd managed to eat quite a lot for being in such a state of depression and confusion (not a lot for HIM, but a lot for any type of normal person). He was toying with the idea of just falling back asleep again and forgetting about his problems, which didn't sound like such a bad idea since Quatre had woken him up so early, but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried his mind refused to leave anything but Heero.
*You love him and now it's to late for you to do anything about it. Why? Because you were a coward, Duo!* Duo covered his ears with the pillow he'd been provided and tried to ignore the voice in his head. *No matter what you do, you're still a little boy. A scared little boy running from anything that might hurt him.* Duo closed his eyes tightly and pressed the pillow even closer around his head.
"Leave me alone! I didn't know!" Duo let go of the pillow and crossed his arms under his head, sobbing into them. He was a coward when it came to his emotions. He'd never had a girlfriend before because he'd been afraid of getting hurt, and he ignored how he felt about Heero because he was too afraid Heero would reject him if he did. It wasn't when Heero glared at him and told him to shut up that hurt him, it was when he twisted into two people again, he always looked so torn. He'd seen Heero hurt before, the childish side of him showed how scared he was, it was like a window into his heart and soul, whereas the rest of him looked completely the same, and he normally didn't say a word about it.
Duo jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Quatre, who was holding the pillow in his other hand. He looked worried, and Duo hated himself for making his friend feel that way. He was crying a little too, but the tears seemed to hold on his face in a way that made him look almost like an angel, catching small beams of light and shining on his face. *Has he come to help me? To save me when my guardian angel is gone?*
Duo grasped Quatre's hand like a child would his mothers and cried, holding Quatre's hand against him like a lifeline. "Everything'll be alright, Duo. I'm sure of it." Quatre didn't bother to back up his statements, there was nothing to back up faith, and he had complete and utter faith that Heero wouldn't leave anyone like this, especially not his friend.
"Promise me?" Duo asked, staring up at him. Quatre half-smiled at him, tears still running down his own face.
"Promise you. Heero'll be fine, just watch and see. He'd never let anyone suffer like this, you know him better than that," Quatre reassured him, clenching Duo's hand in his own.
"Yeah, I do," Duo admitted and he rested his head against the remaining pillow, closing his eyes even as he continued to cry. Quatre ran his thumb over the back of Duo's hand as reassurance, smiling as Duo's grip on his hand reduced and he fell asleep.
"Heero'd better come back soon before someone else decides they want you," Quatre said softly, still holding onto Duo's hand. He'd stay there with him until he woke up, no matter how boring it got. It wasn't like staying up all night waiting for orders was fun either. He'd just think about Trowa and what he was going to tell him when next time they met. He couldn't help but smile a bit as he thought about Trowa. He truly loved him, whether he was male or female Quatre couldn't care less. He'd grown up in a house full of 29 women, so he was used to having a lot of women and men (their boyfriends) around him. He didn't know whether he was gay or just loved Trowa, and coincidently he couldn't have cared less about that either. He loved Trowa and that's all he needed to know.
Quatre wished Duo had told Heero how he felt sooner, it would have saved him a lot of grief. He hoped Duo would take the next chance he got to tell Heero, in this war one never knew when their last mission would come. He'd be surprised if they all made it through the war. Sure, he believed in his friends, but they weren't invincible. Something was bound to happen to at least one of them, like what had happened to Heero.
*Heero, you'd better not be dead.*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Duo opened his eyes to the bright light shining through the window. He winced and sat up, rubbing at his cheeks, slick with fresh tears. It had been a while now since Hero's suicide tactic and they hadn't heard a word from him. Duo had guessed that Quatre had already given up hope, but he was still hanging on by that last little bit.
"What's the big idea, leaving that curtain open like that? Trying to tell me something about today's operation?" Duo asked, walking over to where Quatre was sitting and sitting down in front of him. Quatre laughed softly, rubbing at his own eyes. "Head towards the light..." he teased, liking the sound of Quatre's laughter.
"I didn't even think of that. Sorry." Duo rolled his eyes and poked Quatre in the forehead.
"I wasn't being serious. Geeze, take a joke. I'm sure things'll go fine," Duo commented, looking around for his source of energy. Aha! He spotted it and was immediately up, walking over to the coffee machine. He hated the taste of it plain, but with enough sugar it was okay, and it kept him pretty damn awake. Quatre smiled at him and went back to plans for the next mission. And not the one Duo had been referring to. Quatre had a mission himself and things had to work out.
"I hope so. If the others don't come we're done for." Duo nodded his agreement, looking around for the sugar.
"I'm pretty sure Wufei'll come, he's into the whole justice thing. I don't think he'll sit back and watch two people get beat up by a couple hundred, and I'm almost positive Trowa'll come for you," Duo responded, sitting down next to the coffee machine, seeing as he needed to stay near it in case he got himself depressed again. Adults drank to forget their problems. Duo had coffee and sugar, and got himself REALLY hyper to forget his. Either that or sleep, but once he headed down one road the other one was pretty much closed to him until next time. Needless to say, Duo spent most of his time sleeping and their bills on coffee were getting pretty high. "Wonder if Heero'll come," Duo stated out loud and frowned into his reflection in his coffee. He was depressed again. Which meant, on came the coffee. His frown only grew bigger as he realized he'd used the last already. DAMN! That left sleeping.
"He might. We haven't heard of any activity from him in a while, maybe this'll be his big debut," Quatre offered and made his way for the door. "Anyway, I have things I have to do..."
"Get more coffee!" Duo interrupted as he noticed the container was empty as well.
"Sure," Quatre responded and left, locking the door behind him. Why? Habit, he supposed.
"Take long enough?" Quatre smiled and turned to great Trowa.
"You have no idea how hard he is to wake up in the morning," Quatre argued. "I had to wait for him to wake up on his own, with a little intervention, of course," Quatre added. Trowa smiled at him and turned to leave. "So, what are we going to do until tonight?" Quatre asked as he and Trowa made their way down the hallway, yawning subconsciously.
"Does it really matter?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duo lied down on his bed again, staring at the ceiling and daring it to remind him of Heero. Of course, the ceiling won...again. He could never seem to win his battle with the you-don't-remind-me-of-Heero-at-all objects. He rolled over onto his side and curled up into a ball, ignoring the fact that his stomach was killing him. He could always eat when he woke back up, that meant he could eat more then.
Duo had to smile at his own childish actions. Food was all his body ever seemed to think about, but not his heart. Duo curled into an even smaller ball, holding his knees tightly. It had been so long since he'd last seen Heero. He'd never had a chance to tell him how he felt, and the longer he had to wait the more he began to doubt that Heero would ever come back. He knew Heero wouldn't be at the battle that night, *Heero isn't alive anymore* Duo finally admitted to himself, the one thing he'd need to admit for a long time.
Duo broke down sobbing like he normally did when he thought about Heero. He'd gotten a little better about it all, being able to keep himself under better control in public, but when he was at home he let everything go, he needed it. Crying made him feel better, no matter how womanish it seemed. He sniffed a couple times and closed his eyes. He had to get over this some time, there was no way he could continue to live his life like that. He was supposed to help cheer everyone up, not depress them.
Duo jumped as he felt an arm wrap around him and a body pressed flat against his back. It held him tightly, and for some reason he felt better just being held like that. "What's wrong?" an all-to-familiar voice asked and Duo turned around quickly, staring at Heero in disbelief. He's just given up on Heero being alive and there he was, holding him as he cried over him. Duo shook his head, wiping tears from his face.
"Nothing anymore," he answered, resting his head against Heero's shoulder. "This is real, isn't it?" Duo asked. Heero shrugged.
"What else could it be?" Heero asked as Duo looked back up at him.
"A wonderful angel sent down from heaven to help me," he offered and if Duo hadn't known better he could have sworn Heero had ALMOST smiled at him.
"Not even close, heaven wouldn't take me. I didn't want to go yet," Heero answered and Duo smiled at him.
"I love you, Heero. So very much. I wanted to tell you before all this, but..." Duo broke down sobbing again and Heero held him tighter, pressing his head softly to his shoulder as comfort.
"I'm not sure what it's like to be in love, so I wouldn't know what I feel for you Duo," Heero explained and Duo looked up at him, afraid Heero would say that he didn't love him. After everything that had happened Duo didn't know what he'd do if Heero said he didn't love him. Heero took his face in his hands and this time Duo KNEW he saw Heero smile at him. "I know I LIKE you, Duo...a lot, but as for love...can I get back to you on that?" Heero asked cutely, kissing Duo's forehead softly. Duo nodded and held Heero as well, burying his face in his chest.
~*~*~*~
There are supposed to be more parts to this as an 'Angels and Gods Collection' but I'm not sure if I'm going to write the rest of those. I'll probably just leave it like this. Oh well. More time to write on other fanfics then!
Notes: I wrote this a while ago and haven't read it since. I just found it and decided to post it. I hope it's not too bad. I honestly don't remember if I liked this one or not. I think I did…
~*~An Angel Descends~*~
Duo hated silence, more than anything. More than war, more than OZ, more than anything. Being alone was a close second, however. Unfortunately, he was all alone in the dreadful silence of the village at night. He hadn't been surrounded in such complete loneliness and silence in a long time. Not since the church was destroyed. Silence was always the result of something sad, and now was a time of sadness. It couldn't be helped.
He closed his eyes and leaned back against the windowsill, staring out the window. It felt so wrong, being here. The people here were celebrating, while he felt a dark sadness pulling at him. He just couldn't force himself to be happy now. Not that he couldn't make the others believe he was happy, but he couldn't feel it.
"Heero you asshole," Duo muttered to himself, wrapping arms around his chest as he closed his eyes. The same moment had been replaying itself in his mind ever since it had happened. Damn OZ scums, it was all their fault. He didn't know why he cared so much. Sure, Heero was his friend and not feeling anything right now would be cruel, but none of the others were going through what he was. He absently wondered whether he felt something more for Heero than just friendship, but his thinking was disturbed as he felt Quatre's hands on his shoulder, and a blanket wrapping around him.
Duo blinked and looked over his shoulder at him. He was smiling slightly, yet it made Duo feel a little better. Quatre had that effect on people. "Desert nights tend to be cold. If you're going to stay up at least don't get sick on us," Quatre explained, sitting down at the table next to the window, pouring himself something to drink. "You want anything to drink?" Quatre offered and Duo shook his head, looking back out the window. Quatre sighed, he had a feeling Duo would be going through something slightly worse than the others, he seemed to have known Heero a lot better than anyone else had. He hardly knew the boy himself, and he was willing to bet Heero and Duo hadn't managed to get very close (the boy hadn't seemed like the type to get close to many people) but getting to know Heero at all was more than he could say for his and Heero's relationship.
"Aren't you tired?" Duo asked after a while, not looking back at the Arabian boy behind him. Quatre shrugged.
"I guess so, but I have a feeling you need some company right now. Besides, it's not like I'm not used to staying up 48 hours straight," Duo blinked a couple times, looking over at him.
"48 hours and you're not tired?" Duo asked, a little surprised. Sure, he did it to, but not at the moment. If he had a free chance to get some sleep after 48 hours he would damn well take it, and fast. Sleep wasn't something they tended to get a lot of.
"Of course I'm tired, but it's not like it's something I can't deal with." Duo smiled at him gratefully. Quatre smiled back, he was glad to see Duo smiling again, and really meaning it.
"Thanks for the company, Quatre. I hate being alone." Quatre nodded.
"Everyone does," he responded and Duo half laughed, turning to look back out the window.
"Sure seemed like Heero enjoyed it. He always ignored everyone else. Always. And he never wanted anyone's help, either. He wasn't all that fun to live with. At least he put up with me though, more than I can say for most people. I tend to drive them insane," Duo joked, but he wasn't smiling. He couldn't bring himself to smile at his own jokes, not now. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day for him, he was still a wreck from the last couple of days. Some good sleep would help clear his head.
"I don't think so. He's still human," Duo laughed softly and jumped off the windowsill, looking over at Quatre.
"There's times I doubt that even." Duo smiled again, giving Quatre a thumbs-up. "Thanks for the help, I really needed it. I'm going to sleep some now, clear my head. You'd better go to sleep soon, too. Five bucks says there's something new and interesting to do tomorrow, there's ALWAYS something new or interesting to do tomorrow." Quatre smiled and nodded and Duo headed off to the room his bed was being kept him, dropping the blanket on the chair just inside the door and falling back onto his bed. He flinched as the bed made a strange noise and proceeded to ignore it, closing his eyes and trying to fall asleep. However, closing his eyes just made his mind replay yesterday perfectly.
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"Honestly, you'd think he was the one who hadn't slept in two days," Quatre whined as he finally gave up on trying to wake Duo up. He hadn't quite figured out the impossibility of that task yet, but he was heading towards the answer quite quickly. Everyone knew that it was impossible to wake Duo up unless there was an emergency. Either that or a ton of food at his feet, but no one had ever bothered to try that more than once, seeing as they wanted to keep their fingers (and any other body part that might come between Duo and his food) in tact.
"Master Quatre..." Quatre turned around to face Rusheed as he stood in the doorway. He crossed his arms and shrugged, motioning at the other boy with his head. Rusheed nodded his understanding, leaving, and Quatre sighed, turning back to Duo.
"Come on, don't you want to eat? It's not going to wait for you forever." Duo sat up quickly and looked around.
"Food?" he asked. He hadn't really had anything to eat first thing in the morning for a while now. He wasn't exactly up in time for breakfast if he could help it, and people had given up on waking him up a long time ago. Quatre nodded and headed for the door.
"Yeah. You're hungry, aren't you?" he asked from the doorway, looking back at him. Duo nodded, drooling slightly. Quatre laughed sweetly and headed out of the room. "Tell me when you're ready and we'll find something to eat. The others are probably done eating already." Duo nodded his understanding and got up, still feeling a little tired and a lot depressed. He just couldn't understand why this was eating away at him so much, but it hurt even more than he remembered the church incident hurting, and that had honestly (in 'Duo terms') sucked. He undid the band in his hair as he walked into the bathroom, undoing his hair as he closed the door behind him and glanced into the mirror. He frowned, picking up he brush and running it through his hair, wincing in pain every once in a while as he ran into tangles.
He frowned as he remembered the last time he'd forgotten to undo his hair before he'd gone to sleep. It had been even worse off then, seeing as he'd slept longer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You can't be serious! A guy like me, study?!" Duo asked, sitting down on the bed and glaring at Heero's back.
"It isn't appropriate for a gundam pilot to be failing any of his classes," Heero explained. Duo frowned and crossed his arms.
"If you want to play it that way I have a list of normal things a boy like you should do but you don't," Duo replied and Heero turned to look at him.
"Really?" he asked, sounding half curious and half smart-alecky. Duo hated it when he did that. It was like there were two different Heeros talking to him. One of them being the person he was used to and the other one being the Heero that he probably would have grown into under normal circumstances.
"Yeah, really." Heero's silence showed that he wanted to hear a couple. Duo sighed and raised his hand to indicate the number one. "A guy with your looks should have a million girls following him. Instead you've scared them all away." Duo raised another finger. "A guy with your ability and strength should DEFINITELY be in SOME sport or something." Duo raised his fingers for three. "Normal people study for finals the week before, not the month before. We should be having fun." Duo raised another finger, opening his mouth to speak before he felt Heero's hand press his fingers back down again.
"That's enough." Duo blinked a couple times and Heero went back to his laptop. "I don't feel like being distracted by a million girls, I'll probably transfer before the first game, I don't know how to have fun and you need to get your act together." Duo frowned at Heero. He seemed almost...regretful. Duo guessed that he wanted all those things he'd listed off. Now he felt bad for rubbing it in his face.
"Don't worry about me, I understand it. I was just to busy having fun to do anything else." Heero blinked a couple times as he found Duo sitting on his lap and smiling at him. "Come on and I'll teach you how to have fun!" he exclaimed and Heero blinked a couple times. Duo smiled even brighter, it was the first time he'd ever actually SEEN Heero react to something anyone had said to him.
"Is this...normal?" Heero asked and Duo blinked a couple times as well. He then noticed he was sitting on Heero's lap in a very suggestive manner and shrugged.
"Not at all," he answered truthfully.
"Then why are you doing it?" Heero asked in return.
"Your seriously asking?" Duo inquired, smiling. "Because I'm not normal. It's more fun when you do all the stuff everyone else is to afraid or embarrassed to do. It'd be normal for a little kid or a slut or something but I don't care. Now come on and let's have some fun!" Duo exclaimed, standing up and extending a hand to Heero. "You need a break and I need something to do. It works, doesn't it?" Heero took his hand and stood up, not sure what Duo wanted him to do. Duo laughed and dragged him out of the room, only stopping as Heero stopped to lock the door. It was then that Duo realized he wasn't really doing anything by holding onto Heero's hand except for assuring himself that if Heero decided to run away that he'd follow after him...willingly or not.
"Why are you dragging me with you?" Heero asked. He didn't know why Duo bothered, he knew he probably wasn't going to have any fun. He simply didn't know how.
"We're friends, aren't we?" Duo asked, looking over his shoulder at him. Heero seemed thoughtful for a moment before looking back up at him, looking quite sad.
"I've never had a friend before. What's it like?" he asked innocently and Duo smiled at him.
"Like you and me. We're friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He'd managed to get Heero to enjoy a couple things that night, and had crashed on his bed as soon as they'd gotten back, not bothering to change clothes or take his hair down. It was the next day when he'd begun to wonder what he felt for Heero. He'd normally ignored it though, and just focused and opening Heero up a little more, he'd needed it. He'd wanted it.
Heero'd helped him with his hair then in return for being nice to him that night and letting him have some fun. Duo absently-mindedly wondered whether super-boy could have survived after detonating his gundam. The logical part of him told him that of course he couldn't have survived, but another part of him, what Duo suspected was his heart, told him that it was always possible. *Heero's different, and strong. He'd make it through just about anything.* Duo reassured himself. He went back to happily combing his hair.
However, he couldn't keep his grip on his dream reality very long and it slipped, taking Duo with it. He collapsed onto the floor and buried his face in his hands, frustrated and depressed. He'd always ignored the small part of him that had told him he loved Heero, but now it was coming out more and more. It was like it was screaming in his ear now, tearing him apart. *It's too late now, isn't it? You couldn't have paid attention to yourself when you had the chance. Now suffer the loneliness. You've been through it before, you can take it.* Duo cried as his mind raced through everything, all the time he'd spent with Heero (there actually wasn't all THAT much to reflect on but he'd enjoyed what little time he'd had to make friends with Heero), Heero's death, and how he felt about it all.
"I did love Heero," Duo admitted, sobbing by now. *Look at yourself Duo, you still do.* he gave up on thinking and just continued to cry. He hadn't cried in a long time, and he desperately needed to get everything off his chest.
Quatre leaned against the wall, listening to his friend from the other room. He could hear him, but he didn't dare go talk to him. Duo needed to figure these things out on his own. He closed his eyes tightly as Duo's sobbing grew louder, wanting it all to disappear. He absently wondered what he'd do if Trowa died. He shook his head at the thought. *Duo and Heero weren't like that, you know that.*
Quatre brushed his own tears from his face, the silent few that found their way to his face. He hoped Duo would be alright, the boy had a reputation of doing things without thinking. And judging from Duo's reactions, he wasn't used to things this even remotely this big. Sure, they all might fight in the war, but they never had the chance to grow close to the people they had to kill. Having someone you care for die in the war...Quatre knew Duo had been through it before. He couldn't even begin to imagine the pain Duo'd gone through because of the war.
"Sorry Quatre," Duo apologized as he walked out of his room, his hair pulled back into a ponytail instead of his normal braid. He hadn't had the willpower or the energy to bother putting it up. Quatre pushed himself off the wall and smiled at him, shaking his head.
"Nothing to be sorry about. Come on, let's go find something to eat." Duo smiled brightly and nodded, even though he could care less about food. Right now all he wanted was time to think things through and get it out of his system. Food wasn't in any part of that process, but it would be rude and unlike him to not eat SOMETHING, if not his normal amount. Then again, he doubted anyone really expected him to act like nothing was wrong, they'd all seen him the day before.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Duo lied down on his bed again and stared at the wall, lying on his stomach with his arms crossed under his chin, the way he found most comfortable. He'd managed to eat quite a lot for being in such a state of depression and confusion (not a lot for HIM, but a lot for any type of normal person). He was toying with the idea of just falling back asleep again and forgetting about his problems, which didn't sound like such a bad idea since Quatre had woken him up so early, but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried his mind refused to leave anything but Heero.
*You love him and now it's to late for you to do anything about it. Why? Because you were a coward, Duo!* Duo covered his ears with the pillow he'd been provided and tried to ignore the voice in his head. *No matter what you do, you're still a little boy. A scared little boy running from anything that might hurt him.* Duo closed his eyes tightly and pressed the pillow even closer around his head.
"Leave me alone! I didn't know!" Duo let go of the pillow and crossed his arms under his head, sobbing into them. He was a coward when it came to his emotions. He'd never had a girlfriend before because he'd been afraid of getting hurt, and he ignored how he felt about Heero because he was too afraid Heero would reject him if he did. It wasn't when Heero glared at him and told him to shut up that hurt him, it was when he twisted into two people again, he always looked so torn. He'd seen Heero hurt before, the childish side of him showed how scared he was, it was like a window into his heart and soul, whereas the rest of him looked completely the same, and he normally didn't say a word about it.
Duo jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Quatre, who was holding the pillow in his other hand. He looked worried, and Duo hated himself for making his friend feel that way. He was crying a little too, but the tears seemed to hold on his face in a way that made him look almost like an angel, catching small beams of light and shining on his face. *Has he come to help me? To save me when my guardian angel is gone?*
Duo grasped Quatre's hand like a child would his mothers and cried, holding Quatre's hand against him like a lifeline. "Everything'll be alright, Duo. I'm sure of it." Quatre didn't bother to back up his statements, there was nothing to back up faith, and he had complete and utter faith that Heero wouldn't leave anyone like this, especially not his friend.
"Promise me?" Duo asked, staring up at him. Quatre half-smiled at him, tears still running down his own face.
"Promise you. Heero'll be fine, just watch and see. He'd never let anyone suffer like this, you know him better than that," Quatre reassured him, clenching Duo's hand in his own.
"Yeah, I do," Duo admitted and he rested his head against the remaining pillow, closing his eyes even as he continued to cry. Quatre ran his thumb over the back of Duo's hand as reassurance, smiling as Duo's grip on his hand reduced and he fell asleep.
"Heero'd better come back soon before someone else decides they want you," Quatre said softly, still holding onto Duo's hand. He'd stay there with him until he woke up, no matter how boring it got. It wasn't like staying up all night waiting for orders was fun either. He'd just think about Trowa and what he was going to tell him when next time they met. He couldn't help but smile a bit as he thought about Trowa. He truly loved him, whether he was male or female Quatre couldn't care less. He'd grown up in a house full of 29 women, so he was used to having a lot of women and men (their boyfriends) around him. He didn't know whether he was gay or just loved Trowa, and coincidently he couldn't have cared less about that either. He loved Trowa and that's all he needed to know.
Quatre wished Duo had told Heero how he felt sooner, it would have saved him a lot of grief. He hoped Duo would take the next chance he got to tell Heero, in this war one never knew when their last mission would come. He'd be surprised if they all made it through the war. Sure, he believed in his friends, but they weren't invincible. Something was bound to happen to at least one of them, like what had happened to Heero.
*Heero, you'd better not be dead.*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Duo opened his eyes to the bright light shining through the window. He winced and sat up, rubbing at his cheeks, slick with fresh tears. It had been a while now since Hero's suicide tactic and they hadn't heard a word from him. Duo had guessed that Quatre had already given up hope, but he was still hanging on by that last little bit.
"What's the big idea, leaving that curtain open like that? Trying to tell me something about today's operation?" Duo asked, walking over to where Quatre was sitting and sitting down in front of him. Quatre laughed softly, rubbing at his own eyes. "Head towards the light..." he teased, liking the sound of Quatre's laughter.
"I didn't even think of that. Sorry." Duo rolled his eyes and poked Quatre in the forehead.
"I wasn't being serious. Geeze, take a joke. I'm sure things'll go fine," Duo commented, looking around for his source of energy. Aha! He spotted it and was immediately up, walking over to the coffee machine. He hated the taste of it plain, but with enough sugar it was okay, and it kept him pretty damn awake. Quatre smiled at him and went back to plans for the next mission. And not the one Duo had been referring to. Quatre had a mission himself and things had to work out.
"I hope so. If the others don't come we're done for." Duo nodded his agreement, looking around for the sugar.
"I'm pretty sure Wufei'll come, he's into the whole justice thing. I don't think he'll sit back and watch two people get beat up by a couple hundred, and I'm almost positive Trowa'll come for you," Duo responded, sitting down next to the coffee machine, seeing as he needed to stay near it in case he got himself depressed again. Adults drank to forget their problems. Duo had coffee and sugar, and got himself REALLY hyper to forget his. Either that or sleep, but once he headed down one road the other one was pretty much closed to him until next time. Needless to say, Duo spent most of his time sleeping and their bills on coffee were getting pretty high. "Wonder if Heero'll come," Duo stated out loud and frowned into his reflection in his coffee. He was depressed again. Which meant, on came the coffee. His frown only grew bigger as he realized he'd used the last already. DAMN! That left sleeping.
"He might. We haven't heard of any activity from him in a while, maybe this'll be his big debut," Quatre offered and made his way for the door. "Anyway, I have things I have to do..."
"Get more coffee!" Duo interrupted as he noticed the container was empty as well.
"Sure," Quatre responded and left, locking the door behind him. Why? Habit, he supposed.
"Take long enough?" Quatre smiled and turned to great Trowa.
"You have no idea how hard he is to wake up in the morning," Quatre argued. "I had to wait for him to wake up on his own, with a little intervention, of course," Quatre added. Trowa smiled at him and turned to leave. "So, what are we going to do until tonight?" Quatre asked as he and Trowa made their way down the hallway, yawning subconsciously.
"Does it really matter?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duo lied down on his bed again, staring at the ceiling and daring it to remind him of Heero. Of course, the ceiling won...again. He could never seem to win his battle with the you-don't-remind-me-of-Heero-at-all objects. He rolled over onto his side and curled up into a ball, ignoring the fact that his stomach was killing him. He could always eat when he woke back up, that meant he could eat more then.
Duo had to smile at his own childish actions. Food was all his body ever seemed to think about, but not his heart. Duo curled into an even smaller ball, holding his knees tightly. It had been so long since he'd last seen Heero. He'd never had a chance to tell him how he felt, and the longer he had to wait the more he began to doubt that Heero would ever come back. He knew Heero wouldn't be at the battle that night, *Heero isn't alive anymore* Duo finally admitted to himself, the one thing he'd need to admit for a long time.
Duo broke down sobbing like he normally did when he thought about Heero. He'd gotten a little better about it all, being able to keep himself under better control in public, but when he was at home he let everything go, he needed it. Crying made him feel better, no matter how womanish it seemed. He sniffed a couple times and closed his eyes. He had to get over this some time, there was no way he could continue to live his life like that. He was supposed to help cheer everyone up, not depress them.
Duo jumped as he felt an arm wrap around him and a body pressed flat against his back. It held him tightly, and for some reason he felt better just being held like that. "What's wrong?" an all-to-familiar voice asked and Duo turned around quickly, staring at Heero in disbelief. He's just given up on Heero being alive and there he was, holding him as he cried over him. Duo shook his head, wiping tears from his face.
"Nothing anymore," he answered, resting his head against Heero's shoulder. "This is real, isn't it?" Duo asked. Heero shrugged.
"What else could it be?" Heero asked as Duo looked back up at him.
"A wonderful angel sent down from heaven to help me," he offered and if Duo hadn't known better he could have sworn Heero had ALMOST smiled at him.
"Not even close, heaven wouldn't take me. I didn't want to go yet," Heero answered and Duo smiled at him.
"I love you, Heero. So very much. I wanted to tell you before all this, but..." Duo broke down sobbing again and Heero held him tighter, pressing his head softly to his shoulder as comfort.
"I'm not sure what it's like to be in love, so I wouldn't know what I feel for you Duo," Heero explained and Duo looked up at him, afraid Heero would say that he didn't love him. After everything that had happened Duo didn't know what he'd do if Heero said he didn't love him. Heero took his face in his hands and this time Duo KNEW he saw Heero smile at him. "I know I LIKE you, Duo...a lot, but as for love...can I get back to you on that?" Heero asked cutely, kissing Duo's forehead softly. Duo nodded and held Heero as well, burying his face in his chest.
~*~*~*~
There are supposed to be more parts to this as an 'Angels and Gods Collection' but I'm not sure if I'm going to write the rest of those. I'll probably just leave it like this. Oh well. More time to write on other fanfics then!