Lord of the Merchandise: Chapter II
He opened the door, and his beautiful Elvish-eyes widened. His shapely jaw dropped. He was filled with a great terror…
Legolas stood face to face with *gasp* shamelessly tacky Lord of the Rings Merchandise! Aragorn the bath-towel! (How ironic…) Boromir the motel- sized soap! (Interesting…) Frodo the shower-curtain! Legolas shuddered. How was he supposed to take a shower in the morning with that uncanny likeness of Frodo staring at him? He turned around. Oh no! Samwise the bath mat! Pippin the shower-cap! He lifted it up rummaged in the dish of hair- supplies. Legolas stared, wide eyed, at what he saw…a little bottle of Legolas shampoo and conditioner in one! However, his little moment of "self- discovery" (hahaha) soon was cut short as the Elf uncovered Gimli the disposable razor! And it was accompanied by Gandalf the shaving cream!
Poor Legolas' head was spinning. What was all this? Why was there suddenly a multitude of cheesy new products bearing the likenesses of him and his companions? And were these isolated to his motel room, or dared he think that perhaps they were beginning to spread throughout Middle Earth? He didn't want a bottle of crappy, generic shampoo/conditioner in his likeness! It would only encourage those writers…and all the guys would make fun of him…
Legolas began to feel very sorry for himself and decided to do his little elvish business and then go back down to the "beach" to warn the guys about his discoveries. Imagine his shock when he was faced with *ack* Merry the sanitary, disposable toilet seat cover! The poor Elf-muffin ran screaming from the bathroom. "I refuse to treat Master Meriadoc in such an undignified manner!" he shouted, not thinking of the people in the adjoining rooms. Unfortunately, as he ran out of the bathroom he came face to face with Galadriel the hair-dryer. For a moment he felt a twinge of hurt that Galadriel had gotten the hairdryer, but soon recovered himself and began searching the rest of the room frantically, feverishly.
Soon Legolas discovered that the bed had Fellowship sheets (a tad disturbing), Arwen pillows (well that would be interesting for Aragorn), a Theoden lampshade (eerie), and Eowyn and Faramir carpeting (that would also be interesting for Aragorn). He passed a mirror with a likeness of Elrond on one side. For a split second Legolas panicked, until he realized that no, he had not turned into Elrond. It was all he could take. He was glad there was no Sauron or Gollum or ringwraith merchandise, but then, he hadn't seen the complimentary Saruman nail-clippers.
The poor shell-shocked Elf ran out of the room, down the corridor and out into the lobby. Mama Vanwe just looked at him, a half-smirk playing across her face. "What's gotten into you boy? You look so scared I'd a thought you'd just seen the Witch-King in your bathtub," she drawled, laughing dryly. Legolas shot her a haunted look, but made no rely.
The Elf-muffin returned to the sunny spot of coarse sand where the rest of the Fellowship was attempting to enjoy their vacation, and was greeted by the scene of Merry applying sunscreen to Gimli's back with a towel protectively covering his hand. Frodo soon noticed Legolas' silent presence, exclaiming "Come over here Elf-boy, we were just about to play some go-fish!"
"Alas!" cried Legolas, his fair elven face in great turmoil. "Alas!"
"Dammit, Lego, don't you have any other words in your freakin' vocabulary besides 'alas!'" shouted Gandalf. After dealing with this certain small mannerism of Legolas' for the entire journey, he was getting somewhat tired of it.
Legolas made no reply, and only motioned silently for them all to follow him up to their rooms…
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Alas! Poor Legolas! He may have been traumatized for life! How will the Fellowship react? Tonight I'm planning on posting the next chapter, in which they begin their quest…again, I promise the action will pick up a bit; so far I have just been getting the premise down. Dare I beg for your reviews?
He opened the door, and his beautiful Elvish-eyes widened. His shapely jaw dropped. He was filled with a great terror…
Legolas stood face to face with *gasp* shamelessly tacky Lord of the Rings Merchandise! Aragorn the bath-towel! (How ironic…) Boromir the motel- sized soap! (Interesting…) Frodo the shower-curtain! Legolas shuddered. How was he supposed to take a shower in the morning with that uncanny likeness of Frodo staring at him? He turned around. Oh no! Samwise the bath mat! Pippin the shower-cap! He lifted it up rummaged in the dish of hair- supplies. Legolas stared, wide eyed, at what he saw…a little bottle of Legolas shampoo and conditioner in one! However, his little moment of "self- discovery" (hahaha) soon was cut short as the Elf uncovered Gimli the disposable razor! And it was accompanied by Gandalf the shaving cream!
Poor Legolas' head was spinning. What was all this? Why was there suddenly a multitude of cheesy new products bearing the likenesses of him and his companions? And were these isolated to his motel room, or dared he think that perhaps they were beginning to spread throughout Middle Earth? He didn't want a bottle of crappy, generic shampoo/conditioner in his likeness! It would only encourage those writers…and all the guys would make fun of him…
Legolas began to feel very sorry for himself and decided to do his little elvish business and then go back down to the "beach" to warn the guys about his discoveries. Imagine his shock when he was faced with *ack* Merry the sanitary, disposable toilet seat cover! The poor Elf-muffin ran screaming from the bathroom. "I refuse to treat Master Meriadoc in such an undignified manner!" he shouted, not thinking of the people in the adjoining rooms. Unfortunately, as he ran out of the bathroom he came face to face with Galadriel the hair-dryer. For a moment he felt a twinge of hurt that Galadriel had gotten the hairdryer, but soon recovered himself and began searching the rest of the room frantically, feverishly.
Soon Legolas discovered that the bed had Fellowship sheets (a tad disturbing), Arwen pillows (well that would be interesting for Aragorn), a Theoden lampshade (eerie), and Eowyn and Faramir carpeting (that would also be interesting for Aragorn). He passed a mirror with a likeness of Elrond on one side. For a split second Legolas panicked, until he realized that no, he had not turned into Elrond. It was all he could take. He was glad there was no Sauron or Gollum or ringwraith merchandise, but then, he hadn't seen the complimentary Saruman nail-clippers.
The poor shell-shocked Elf ran out of the room, down the corridor and out into the lobby. Mama Vanwe just looked at him, a half-smirk playing across her face. "What's gotten into you boy? You look so scared I'd a thought you'd just seen the Witch-King in your bathtub," she drawled, laughing dryly. Legolas shot her a haunted look, but made no rely.
The Elf-muffin returned to the sunny spot of coarse sand where the rest of the Fellowship was attempting to enjoy their vacation, and was greeted by the scene of Merry applying sunscreen to Gimli's back with a towel protectively covering his hand. Frodo soon noticed Legolas' silent presence, exclaiming "Come over here Elf-boy, we were just about to play some go-fish!"
"Alas!" cried Legolas, his fair elven face in great turmoil. "Alas!"
"Dammit, Lego, don't you have any other words in your freakin' vocabulary besides 'alas!'" shouted Gandalf. After dealing with this certain small mannerism of Legolas' for the entire journey, he was getting somewhat tired of it.
Legolas made no reply, and only motioned silently for them all to follow him up to their rooms…
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Alas! Poor Legolas! He may have been traumatized for life! How will the Fellowship react? Tonight I'm planning on posting the next chapter, in which they begin their quest…again, I promise the action will pick up a bit; so far I have just been getting the premise down. Dare I beg for your reviews?