1.1 Disclaimer: I don't own FF characters or 8-bit Theater. Miserable life
of Support Characters-series tells (mainly), as name implies, about support
characters of FF7 (I don't much like leading characters of FF-series,
especially not from Squall or Zidane)
2 Warning: Contains Cloud/Aeris/Tifa/Zidane/Garnet/Squall//Rinoa-bashing and violence!
2.1.1 Miserable life of Support Characters: Conspiry theory
3 Typical morning in AVALANCHE HQ
Cait Sith: *going throught the mail* This looks interesting. It's from the USSC(Union of Squaresoft Support Characters)
*Cid, Barret, Yuffie and Red turn their tension to Cait*
Red: *frowning* What is it now?
Cid: I hope it's a invitation to Annual Squaresoft Party! Do ya remember last year's party, Barret?
Barret: Ya betcha, foo! Zell was choked by dose hotdogs and Amarant, dat foo, tried to hide his body to da garden!
Yuffie: Didn't we agree to not to talk about that incident? Police is still looking for suspect.
Red *impatiently* Well, what does the letter say?
Cait: *reading the letter* "Dear support cast of FF7. You have been chosen to save the Planet from Cloud's conspiry. He will be waiting for you in his secret hideout!
Yours sincerely, Chairman of the USSC, Q. Trepe."
Barret: #@$#%& it! Who chose dat ho to be chairman?!
Red: Doesn't sound too hard. At least, when you consider Cloud's IQ.
Yuffie: While we are at it, I can steal Cloud's Materia!
Cid: I'm gonna miss Dukes of Hazard, but let's @$#%& do it!
Barret: *knocks lid of a coffin with his gun-arm* Vincent, ya foo! We are gonna save da Planet from dose foo's!
Vincent: *raises from the coffin* I want to sleep! I'm not going anywhere!
Red: Take the coffin with you!
Vincent: Okay then
*they hear knocking from closet*
Cid: *opens door of the closet* What the %&#@$ do you want?!
Aeris: *with puppy dog eyes* Are you going to go see my Cloudy? Can I come with you?
Cid: Lemme think…no! *slams the door shut*
Barret: Why did ya take dat flower ho here?
Cait: We can't kick her into street
Cid: *grins* Oh, can't we?
Red: Enough with this nonsense! Let's get going!
*everyone runs to the Highwind*
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*mean while in the Evil Forest*
Vivi: These are our own tracks, you nimrod! You have led us in circles.
Steiner: Circles, eh?
Vivi: Shut up! Ok, let's think…
Steiner: I like swords
Vivi: *sweatdrops* Correction! I'll think.
Steiner I wonder where Zidane and Princess went?
Vivi: He mumbled something about some fanfic and how he would be starring in it. Never mind that! Let's get out of here!
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*inside the Higwind*
Cid: I have one question. Where is that @#%&$ hideout?!
Yuffie: What about that? *points at huge sign which says "Cloud's secret hideout"
*Red, Cid and Barret sweatdrop*
*Highwind lands next to the hideout. Barret crushes the door with his gun- arm and the gang enters the hideout*
Barret: *notices that there are two doors in the end of the corridor* Cid, Caith and Vincent, ya foo's take da left door. Me, Yuffie and Red take da right
*Barret, Red and Yuffie enter throught door. They run throught the corridor until they reach a bridge. There is pool of Liquid Mako™ under the bridge. Cloud, Squall, Rinoa, and Tifa are standing in the middle of the bridge*
Cloud: *sarcastically* Look what the cat dragged in!
Red: Let's cut to chase! Fight us if you dare!
Cloud: Very well! But first I'm gonna relieve my secret plan to you.
Red: Why? It sucks anyway.
Barret: Dat's right, foo!
Cloud: Silence! I'm going to relieve it to you, whether you like or not.
Red: Get on with it!
Cloud: I'm gonna re-program every game of FF-series, so that I will be the leading character in everyone of them.
Tifa: Don't mean WE are going to leading characters?
*Tifa, Squall and Rinoa stare Cloud angrily*
Cloud: Of course! Do you think I would abandon you, sweetheart? *under his breath* Damn bitch…
Tifa: What did you say?
Cloud: Nothing! Well then, prepare to die! *goes throught his pockets* Where did put my Materia…?
Yuffie: *is holding a Knights of the Round in her hand* You mean this?
Cloud: Damnit! Give it back to me!
Yuffie: In your dreams! *casts Fire3 on Cloud's hair*
Cloud: *runs around in panic, yelling in pain. Finally falls to pool of Liquid Mako™*
Barret: *to Squall* Okay, ya gunblade-wielding foo! Bring it on!
Sqaull: Whatever… *runs towards Barret and tries to slash him, but misses*
Barret: Better luck next time, foo! *kicks Squall in grutch*
Sqaull. *falls in to his knees, holding his grutch* Ow! That hurts!
Rinoa: You dare to hurt my Squally? Angelo, kill those fools!
Angelo: *runs towards Barret, but suddenly Red jumps in front of Angelo and bites it's head off*
Rinoa: NO!!!!
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*mean while, Cid, Vincent and Cait are fighting against Zidane and Garnet*
Zidane: *leaps towards Cid and slashes him*
Cid: *blocks the attack* Ya gotta do better than that, ya #%&@$ monkey!
Zidane: *sarcastically* Not bad for an old man.
Cid: Old, eh? What do ya think about this, junior? *stubs out his cigarette in Zidane's eyes*
Zidane: *holding his eyes* AAARGH! My eyes! *trips and falls to the pool of Liquid Mako™*
Garnet: I, Princess Garnet, will punish you for that!
Cait: I don't think so. *throws Garnet with giant dice, which crushes Garnet's skull, scattering pieces of her brains all over the room*
Vincent: I'm bored! *goes back to the coffin*
Cid: What the &#%@$ is happening down there? *points down, where Barret, Yuffie and Red are*
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*Rinoa is helding Selphie as a hostage*
Rinoa: I'll drop her to the pool of Liquid Mako™!
Barret: Go ahead, foo! I've never liked dat ho anyway!
Rinoa: Okay! *drops Selphie*
*suddenly coffin falls from above, landing next to Rinoa*
Rinoa: Hah! Missed me!
Vincent: *raises from the coffin* Must I be disturbed all the time?! *shoots Rinoa with Death Penalty*
Tifa: I'm surrounded by idiots! I guess I have to do everything myself
Yuffie: Not so fast, bitch! *throws Tifa with Conformer*
Tifa: *gets pierced by Conformer*
Red: I guess that's all
Squall: What about me?
Barret: Want sum more? *kicks Squall in grutch and throws him to pool of Liquid Mako™
*gang to leaves hideout. But at the very moment Highwind departs, a airship rams it*
Barret: Who is dat %&@$# foo?!
*nerdy looking man boards the Highwind*
Cid: Why did ya ram my airship? Ya better have %&#@$ good explanation!
Nerdy looking man: I'm Cloud's associate. Did you think that Cloud knew how program?
Red: I should've guessed this. Who are you?
Nerdy looking man: I'm Bill Gates. And since you have become nuisance, I'm going to get rid of you.
Red: How are you going to do that?
BG: That's easy. I'll install Windows 95 on Highwind's computer. *runs to the computer and starts installing theWindows*
BG: What the hell?! Blue screen?!
Cid:*grabs BG, ties bundle of TNT in his back and throws him back to Gates' own airship*
*Gates' airship explodes*
Cid: Let's go home!
*Highwind disappears into the horizon*
THE END
2 Warning: Contains Cloud/Aeris/Tifa/Zidane/Garnet/Squall//Rinoa-bashing and violence!
2.1.1 Miserable life of Support Characters: Conspiry theory
3 Typical morning in AVALANCHE HQ
Cait Sith: *going throught the mail* This looks interesting. It's from the USSC(Union of Squaresoft Support Characters)
*Cid, Barret, Yuffie and Red turn their tension to Cait*
Red: *frowning* What is it now?
Cid: I hope it's a invitation to Annual Squaresoft Party! Do ya remember last year's party, Barret?
Barret: Ya betcha, foo! Zell was choked by dose hotdogs and Amarant, dat foo, tried to hide his body to da garden!
Yuffie: Didn't we agree to not to talk about that incident? Police is still looking for suspect.
Red *impatiently* Well, what does the letter say?
Cait: *reading the letter* "Dear support cast of FF7. You have been chosen to save the Planet from Cloud's conspiry. He will be waiting for you in his secret hideout!
Yours sincerely, Chairman of the USSC, Q. Trepe."
Barret: #@$#%& it! Who chose dat ho to be chairman?!
Red: Doesn't sound too hard. At least, when you consider Cloud's IQ.
Yuffie: While we are at it, I can steal Cloud's Materia!
Cid: I'm gonna miss Dukes of Hazard, but let's @$#%& do it!
Barret: *knocks lid of a coffin with his gun-arm* Vincent, ya foo! We are gonna save da Planet from dose foo's!
Vincent: *raises from the coffin* I want to sleep! I'm not going anywhere!
Red: Take the coffin with you!
Vincent: Okay then
*they hear knocking from closet*
Cid: *opens door of the closet* What the %&#@$ do you want?!
Aeris: *with puppy dog eyes* Are you going to go see my Cloudy? Can I come with you?
Cid: Lemme think…no! *slams the door shut*
Barret: Why did ya take dat flower ho here?
Cait: We can't kick her into street
Cid: *grins* Oh, can't we?
Red: Enough with this nonsense! Let's get going!
*everyone runs to the Highwind*
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*mean while in the Evil Forest*
Vivi: These are our own tracks, you nimrod! You have led us in circles.
Steiner: Circles, eh?
Vivi: Shut up! Ok, let's think…
Steiner: I like swords
Vivi: *sweatdrops* Correction! I'll think.
Steiner I wonder where Zidane and Princess went?
Vivi: He mumbled something about some fanfic and how he would be starring in it. Never mind that! Let's get out of here!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*inside the Higwind*
Cid: I have one question. Where is that @#%&$ hideout?!
Yuffie: What about that? *points at huge sign which says "Cloud's secret hideout"
*Red, Cid and Barret sweatdrop*
*Highwind lands next to the hideout. Barret crushes the door with his gun- arm and the gang enters the hideout*
Barret: *notices that there are two doors in the end of the corridor* Cid, Caith and Vincent, ya foo's take da left door. Me, Yuffie and Red take da right
*Barret, Red and Yuffie enter throught door. They run throught the corridor until they reach a bridge. There is pool of Liquid Mako™ under the bridge. Cloud, Squall, Rinoa, and Tifa are standing in the middle of the bridge*
Cloud: *sarcastically* Look what the cat dragged in!
Red: Let's cut to chase! Fight us if you dare!
Cloud: Very well! But first I'm gonna relieve my secret plan to you.
Red: Why? It sucks anyway.
Barret: Dat's right, foo!
Cloud: Silence! I'm going to relieve it to you, whether you like or not.
Red: Get on with it!
Cloud: I'm gonna re-program every game of FF-series, so that I will be the leading character in everyone of them.
Tifa: Don't mean WE are going to leading characters?
*Tifa, Squall and Rinoa stare Cloud angrily*
Cloud: Of course! Do you think I would abandon you, sweetheart? *under his breath* Damn bitch…
Tifa: What did you say?
Cloud: Nothing! Well then, prepare to die! *goes throught his pockets* Where did put my Materia…?
Yuffie: *is holding a Knights of the Round in her hand* You mean this?
Cloud: Damnit! Give it back to me!
Yuffie: In your dreams! *casts Fire3 on Cloud's hair*
Cloud: *runs around in panic, yelling in pain. Finally falls to pool of Liquid Mako™*
Barret: *to Squall* Okay, ya gunblade-wielding foo! Bring it on!
Sqaull: Whatever… *runs towards Barret and tries to slash him, but misses*
Barret: Better luck next time, foo! *kicks Squall in grutch*
Sqaull. *falls in to his knees, holding his grutch* Ow! That hurts!
Rinoa: You dare to hurt my Squally? Angelo, kill those fools!
Angelo: *runs towards Barret, but suddenly Red jumps in front of Angelo and bites it's head off*
Rinoa: NO!!!!
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*mean while, Cid, Vincent and Cait are fighting against Zidane and Garnet*
Zidane: *leaps towards Cid and slashes him*
Cid: *blocks the attack* Ya gotta do better than that, ya #%&@$ monkey!
Zidane: *sarcastically* Not bad for an old man.
Cid: Old, eh? What do ya think about this, junior? *stubs out his cigarette in Zidane's eyes*
Zidane: *holding his eyes* AAARGH! My eyes! *trips and falls to the pool of Liquid Mako™*
Garnet: I, Princess Garnet, will punish you for that!
Cait: I don't think so. *throws Garnet with giant dice, which crushes Garnet's skull, scattering pieces of her brains all over the room*
Vincent: I'm bored! *goes back to the coffin*
Cid: What the &#%@$ is happening down there? *points down, where Barret, Yuffie and Red are*
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*Rinoa is helding Selphie as a hostage*
Rinoa: I'll drop her to the pool of Liquid Mako™!
Barret: Go ahead, foo! I've never liked dat ho anyway!
Rinoa: Okay! *drops Selphie*
*suddenly coffin falls from above, landing next to Rinoa*
Rinoa: Hah! Missed me!
Vincent: *raises from the coffin* Must I be disturbed all the time?! *shoots Rinoa with Death Penalty*
Tifa: I'm surrounded by idiots! I guess I have to do everything myself
Yuffie: Not so fast, bitch! *throws Tifa with Conformer*
Tifa: *gets pierced by Conformer*
Red: I guess that's all
Squall: What about me?
Barret: Want sum more? *kicks Squall in grutch and throws him to pool of Liquid Mako™
*gang to leaves hideout. But at the very moment Highwind departs, a airship rams it*
Barret: Who is dat %&@$# foo?!
*nerdy looking man boards the Highwind*
Cid: Why did ya ram my airship? Ya better have %&#@$ good explanation!
Nerdy looking man: I'm Cloud's associate. Did you think that Cloud knew how program?
Red: I should've guessed this. Who are you?
Nerdy looking man: I'm Bill Gates. And since you have become nuisance, I'm going to get rid of you.
Red: How are you going to do that?
BG: That's easy. I'll install Windows 95 on Highwind's computer. *runs to the computer and starts installing theWindows*
BG: What the hell?! Blue screen?!
Cid:*grabs BG, ties bundle of TNT in his back and throws him back to Gates' own airship*
*Gates' airship explodes*
Cid: Let's go home!
*Highwind disappears into the horizon*
THE END