We had cleared the Thunder Plains earlier in the day, and were stopping early to make camp and rest. I was relieved to be across the Plains in one piece, even if it cost me all of my progress with Auron. What had possessed him to be so mean, act as though he was going to apologize for it, and then turn around and be cruel again?
Macalania forest was very different than I'd imagined it would be. It was like no forest I'd ever seen before. The scenery was largely made of crystal and what light filtered through the boughs of the glimmering trees reflected off the other surfaces down below. I found myself repeatedly checking to see if I was really awake, so much did the environment resemble a dreamscape. The one constant that convinced me of my continued presence in the real world were the attacks from the fiends. They were the only mark on the tranquil beauty of this place.
Everyone was just about finished putting up their tents for the evening's rest, and they began to take up some of the myriad other camp chores before settling down to enjoy a few more hours of down time than usual. Lulu took the first watch on the perimeter of the camp while Tidus, Wakka, and Kimahri searched the crystalline undergrowth for anything that would burn. Yuna began unpacking the group's rations and cooking supplies. A hot meal would be welcome, our first since staying at the Al Bhed inn on the lonely Thunder Plains. Auron wordlessly took off in the direction of a stream that ran behind the campsite. Somehow, he managed to keep his footsteps silent for the most part, in spite of his considerable size and heavy boots. Intrigued, I followed, despite the bad taste that our last encounter had left in my mouth. Maybe whatever he was doing would afford me a chance for a bit of revenge.
I settled down behind a large, fairly opaque (at least at the distance Auron was at) crystalline shrub, and peeked over the top to observe the older guardian's actions. He knelt down briefly, pulled the glove from his right hand and tested the temperature of the water. Nodding slightly, he returned to a standing position and took a quick glance around. I ducked before his gaze swept in my direction, sure that I'd made it behind my cover in time to avoid his cursory glance.
Satisfied that he was alone, Auron unstrapped the large, sheathed blade from his back and rested the weapon against the trunk of a tree with great care. He set the glove down beneath the sword and set about releasing the clasps on the various leather straps that held his red robe in place. He unbuckled his belt and slipped out of it with a grace I'd not thought the man possessed. Auron set the belt down by the tree as well, taking care to steady the jug attached to its right side.
The blue-trimmed scarlet overcoat hung away from his body, held in place only by the right sleeve. Auron deftly removed his right arm from the garment, folded it and set it on the ground next to his belt. I don't believe I'd ever seen him without the coat before. His right arm had the same chisled look and impossibly sharp muscle tone I'd seen on the left one so often in battle. The swordsman paused to stretch a bit before unsecuring his ever-present collar from the form-fitting black leather shirt he wore and sliding it over his head. To my surprise, a tail of the same obsidian hair I'd thought he wore short, cascaded down his back now that the collar no longer held it out of view.
Auron removed the glasses as well, baring his face completely for the first time in my memory. It came into full view when he turned to set the glasses and collar on top of the folded red robe. In the brief moment of respite from his duty, the guardian's expression was considerably more relaxed and at ease. He believes himself alone, I thought in a moment of shame. Without the hard look imposed by his perptetual frown, Auron took on a wistful, almost sad demeanor. He was clearly in pain, though there appeared to be no new wounds on his body. Something else was bothering him, something he devoted much of his effort to keeping hidden from the rest of the world. I found myself wondering what that thing could be, and a part of me wanted to approach him and ask the question...but Auron wouldn't appreciate being spied on, especially during the one time when he thought he could afford to let his guard down.
Auron's eye was unfocused, his thoughts on something far
from the forest. Shafts of light reflected off of the trunk of the tree
he'd rested his weapon against. The reflected rays highlighted the full
length of the scar running down the right side of his face. I hadn't
realized the sheer size of the wound until now and winced involuntarily
thinking about what it must have felt like to have been dealt the blow
that created it. A slight breeze wafted its way through the forest and
down the stream, driving some of the shorter wisps of his graying hair
into his face. The incusrions of silver into his otherwise perfectly
sable hair didn't seem quite right, somehow, Auron couldn't be old
enough for it to be the product of the natural aging process. Staring
at him, I almost had the sense that I could see beneath his usually
sealed exterior for a brief instant in time. Was this right? Auron went
to great pains to prevent this type of search. I got the impression he
didn't want
anyone to know anything of him beyond what was absolutely necessary for him to execute his duty.
Something horrible had happened to this man, something that had impacted him so profoundly as to change all of the things that defined him previously. Nothing had been spared it seemed, not his looks, nor his personality, nothing it would appear, save the barest aspects of what allowed a human being to survive. Details began to come into focus out of the wave of awareness that overtook me. He'd been an idealist, young, spirited, full of hope for the future...Auron had believed it was within his power to make a difference in the world. Alongside Braska and Jecht perhaps? It wasn't immediately clear, but I was almost sure he was thinking of his first pilgrimage. What a contrast from the man he was now! Almost as different as night and day.
A woman's name emerged from the embittered memories. Yunalesca! What was her part in this? He'd reacted negatively when Seymour had mentioned her in Guadosalam, but now I was detecting a sense of apprehension from him. I sensed he had unfinished business with the first High Summoner in Zanarkand, business of a less-than-friendly nature. Did she bear the responsibility for creating the Auron I saw before me? I never found out, for Auron must have decided he'd reminisced enough for one day. His thoughts wandered to other, more trivial matters and my ability to detect them faded as he turned away from my view.
Auron had retrieved a razor from a hidden pocket in the robe, and turned back toward the stream. Taken as a whole, his face was still quite attractive for a man of his age and experience and I couldn't help but wonder just how handsome he must have been in his youth.
He shaved off the couple days' growth of stubble from his chin, replaced the razor with his belongings and shed his shirt. Before removing his pants, he paused to release his hair from the ponytail and comb it out. Yes, he definately must have been nothing short of beautiful in his younger days...I swallowed a lump in my throat.
He removed his pants, and decency demanded I avert my gaze. I'd planned to play somekind of prank on him when I followed him out here, perhaps "borrow" a piece of his clothing and hide it in the camp, but such petty actions seemed beneath me now...I'm not entirely sure why, but I couldn't bring myself to interrupt the few minutes he'd managed to steal for himself. I waited until he waded into the stream to begin bathing, and snuck back to the camp as quietly as I could manage. My heart was pounding in my chest. What's wrong with you, Rikku, I thought fervently...why did you have to follow him? I didn't know why, but I couldn't bring myself to feel properly guilty, either.
After I was sure I was out of his, and anyone else's earshot, I ran as fast as my feet would carry me. My gaze never scanned the ground to make sure my footing was safe and I didn't bother to check the forest for fiends. In my desperation, I felt myself wanting to offer a prayer to any being that would listen, just to allow me to get out of there in one piece and to a place where I could compose myself. My carelessness caught up with me as an errant root pulled my foot out from under me and sent me crashing to the ground. Hard shards of crystal bit into the flesh of my hands and knees as I attempted to break my fall. I frantically pulled myself to my feet, ignoring the pain and the rivulets of blood running from scores of the tiny wounds. The camp was in sight now and I forced my body to take the last few steps that would bring me into the safety of the ring of tents.
I went straight to my tent to ponder what I'd just seen, hoping no one would follow and inquire about my wounds. At first, I huddled up under my blanket, feeling a sudden unearthly chill. My hands and body shook uncontrollably...What had I done? What right had I to intrude upon him like that? Blood continued to run into the blanket as I clutched it, but I didn't care. All I wanted was to clear my mind of that wretched man. At length I peered out from under the cover of the blanket and fetched my canteen from the far corner of my tent. The water stung as I poured it over the cuts to wash away the blood, but I couldn't afford to let any of the others see me in this state. When I was satisfied that I looked as normal as possible, I took a sip from the container, recapped it, and placed it back in its corner. I stood up, smoothed my clothing and hair, and figured the best thing I could do was attempt to act normal even if I didn't feel normal.
Tidus and Kimahri were still making rounds of the perimeter of the camp, searching for fuel for the fire. I joined them. If they hadn't found enough by now, they would need all the help they could get. I wandered a little farther afield than they did, preferring as much privacy as I could manage and still maintain sight of the camp. I wasn't aware of the footsteps behind me until their owner was too close to be avoided. My heart sank, I really didn't want to have to deal with anyone right now. But, I didn't have a good excuse to be rude, so I slowly turned to face the other.
I almost dropped the few twigs and bits of wood I'd managed to find. Auron! Did he know? "Uh...Sir Auron...um...Hello?" Ouch...if he didn't suspect before, he definately had to know something was up now. I don't believe I'd ever used his title before.
The impassive face softened perceptibly and he chuckled. At least he wasn't angry with me, if he was aware of what I'd seen at the stream. "I certainly hope you were better at concealing yourself during your days as a thief."
I felt my face turn a bright shade of red. I broke eye contact with him, suddenly finding the ground very interesting. "You...you knew?"
"Yes, I did."
"How?" I asked, incredulous. I'd always thought myself very good at escaping detection.
"You can't be a guardian for as long as I have and not be aware of your surroundings," he said simply. It made sense. He'd been a guardian almost as long as I'd been alive - of course he'd have honed his skills to near perfection.
"But you didn't stop me? I mean...the whole point was to have some privacy, right?" I asked.
Auron shrugged. "You posed no threat to me."
"But you're not angry that I saw you..." I had trouble finishing the sentence. "...err, you know that you were...uh..."
"Naked?" He asked, expressionless.
"Well, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to see me..."
He grinned. "Modesty is a luxury I learned to do without."
"Yet you wanted to be alone..." I ventured, not sure I should have brought it up.
All traces of amusement left his face, and I immediately regretted the remark. He absently adjusted the position of his glasses on his face. "For...other reasons."
Reasons he didn't realize I knew...
"I'm sorry, I didn't...well I didn't intend to intrude on you like that," I said, mostly in apology for what I'd seen in his thoughts rather than underneath his clothing.
"You didn't disturb me overmuch this time, but if I go off alone, I generally want to be alone." Ah...a tempered, diplomatic version of "leave off, little girl." I'd not expected him to couch the request in such words. Maybe he was trying to spare me further embarrasment. I nodded my head, and he turned and left. If only he knew what I'd actually seen...he'd have been upset, and with good reason.