Chapter 9

I didn't really hate him, but I wanted to. I burned inside, every single nerve in my body flayed raw by his refusal. He'd left my tent in peace, sensing my need to be alone with my feelings. It was more than I'd ever allowed him. And in that moment, the gulf betwixt us - nineteen years, different lives and radically different personalities, even different approaches to the same sworn duty - was painfully apparent. It seemed that very gulf existed within my own stomach as well, a seething void, the previous seat of my love for a man who, in the end, proved to be unlovable, unreachable, and untouchable. The bitter irony of it never left my mind, that in his moment of greatest need, Auron had disallowed himself the comfort I offered. Ever the stoic, Auron, you'd be alone to the end, shutting yourself behind whatever barricades necessary to execute your damnable duty. You'd withhold your own humanity from yourself, deny your very existence, walk the same perilous path that led
to your downfall...and all for what? Would the end satisfy you, or would you merely carve another notch in your belt and welcome the next task with the same ferocity you channeled into this one?

Yes, he continued to dominate my thoughts in spite of my best efforts to the contrary. My ambivalence toward the scarlet guardian remained sequestered within my own mind. He was correct in one regard, whatever I felt for him must not be allowed to interfere with my duty to Yuna. And yet, that same duty would eventually impel us back into conflict, Auron. You would ceaselessly push for the completion of the pilgrimage, and I would advocate abandoning it. I dreaded being at odds with him, Auron was the last man I desired to make an enemy of, especially since he still reserved a special place in my heart. Were some otherworldly influence to change his mind, to drive him back toward me, I would welcome his presence and wipe the bitterness from my mind and feelings.

When he'd made it clear that he would never allow us to be together, I realized something about the man. He was constructed differently than the rest of us mere mortals. Normal human beings treasured their survival instinct above all else, and no matter how noble their words and deeds, always acted for the self in the end. They fought to protect themselves at any cost. Auron was different, Auron's instincts were the mirror image of all of humanity. His first thought, his first action was always to protect someone else weaker than he, usually a summoner or an innocent. Auron was strength incarnate. He absorbed damage of any kind for others on a daily basis, be it dashing in front of Yuna to intercept a strike intended for her, or opening himself up emotionally to me for that brief instant yesterday. That thought haunted me...however much hurt I'd felt in that encounter, knowing him, he'd reserved the larger portion by far for himself. It simply wasn't fair, and the thing that
daunted me the most was his blindness...As surely as he'd never again see out of his right eye, Auron would eventually break under the stress. Who guards the guardian?

I avoided him. I refused to engage the man in conversation of any kind. I didn't participate in battles when he did. The coward's way out, I know, but I needed desperately to distance myself from Auron. Nothing fazed him, and he betrayed no outward sign of what had passed between us. It all fell back into place so easily, the cold, distant visage, the detached attitude, the distance from his companions. Auron was Auron. I was a mess. And suddenly, just like that, I was forced to the fore by circumstances.

We departed Macalania forest and arrived at another of Rin's omnipresent Travel Agencies, but before we abandoned the old camp site, a strange sort of instinct drove me to fill my canteen with water from the sphere-lake. My countryman must be making a fortune off of us, and all summoner parties, I realized. The creepy Guado servant waited for us there. He took Yuna from our care, with Auron's blessing in preparation for her wedding to Maester Seymour. Her departure was interrupted by several of my kinsmen.

My brother and a band of Al Bhed had attempted to kidnap Yuna from us. Apparently my father had counted my mission a failure and sent Brother and his comrades to accomplish what I could not. I tried to explain what I'd been doing since I was dispatched to bring Yuna to safety, but my words fell on deaf ears. Brother attacked us with a machina designed to inhibit magic and the summoning of aeons. In the end, we were able to defeat it, but I was forced to explain how I came by my position to my brother. He departed, but promised to report my apparent betrayal to my father.

In the ensuing chaos, I released some of my frustration on Wakka. Granted, the blitzballer was about the most stereotypical "true believer" to ever exist, but he didn't deserve the words I hurled at him. I displaced onto him the anger that I still felt toward Auron, and venom issued from my mouth under the guise of challenging the redhead's religious beliefs. Neither of us was going to cede ground in the battle over dogma, and Auron ended it by bringing out attention back to the mission at hand. The Guado servant had departed with Yuna during my arugment with Wakka, and I felt ashamed at having allowed my summoner and cousin to disappear without my notice.

"Rikku!" Auron shouted, indicating one of the snowmobiles abandoned by my brother's hasty retreat. "Will this thing move?"

I was loathe to approach the older guardian, but Yuna was gone, and duty demanded it. Slowly, I ambled toward the machina Auron had gestured at, and I examined the engine, fuel tanks, and steering system for damage.

"It seems to be okay. You'll be hard pressed to find someone to drive it, though." I tried to convey in no uncertain terms that I was not willing to be that person.
Auron didn't buy it, and the others were already beginning to mount the vehicles, bragging of their expertise in operating them. "See? They're having no trouble at all," Auron observed.

Kimahri had departed alone and the other members of the party had already paired off and were heading toward the temple on their snowmobiles. That left just me and Auron...and a single one of the machina. Reluctantly, I boarded the machine, turned it on, and waited for him to sit down. He seated himself behind me, and wrapped both his arms about my waist. There was nothing affectionate about his embrace. He was all business.

I drove the machina forward, and we sped up the slope of the hill toward Macalania Temple. Auron passed the trip in complete silence. The quiet threatened to drive me insane. I yearned to say something to him, to convince him that his words the previous day were wrong, to share my premonition that his insistence on shouldering everything alone would eventually destroy him completely. But I didn't have the words or the heart to tell him. His way of coping with our shared feelings had been to bury them and resume his duties as best he was able. It was vintage Auron, I thought bitterly. To speak further of any possibility of a relationship would have pulled him from his dispassionate equilibrium and would only hasten the inevitable. He wants it this way, I reminded myself, and this time I promised I would maintain my distance. Thankfully we arrived at the entrance to the temple before I could reconsider. Wordlessly, he released me, dismounted from the snowmobile, and headed to
the door of the temple.

I followed him and joined the others huddled in the entry to Macalania Temple. A lone priestly guard stood watch over the entrance and regarded each of the guardians carefully as we made our way to the door. I tried to pass the man, but be barred my path with his body.
"Halt! The likes of her are not welcome in this hallowed place." A cold, accusing finger indicated me, the heathen Al Bhed. I wanted to shout at him, to rail at him as I had Wakka, but Auron had the good sense to step in and smooth the temple guard's ruffled feathers.

"She is a guardian," Auron simply stated.

The hidebound old priest was determined not to give up. "An Al Bhed, a guardian? Preposterous..."

Auron's distant, impersonal glance shifted from the priest to me. There was no warmth in the older guardian's gaze, no indication that he'd ever harbored any feelings for me other than his customary detachment. But, he still defended me. Not because he loved me, I reminded myself, but because I'd pledged myself to Yuna's cause and was technically his equal in responsibility, if not rank. His look instructed me to confirm what he'd begun to tell the priest.

I nodded solemnly. "I've decided to be Yuna's guardian now, and that's all I want." Does that satisfy you, old man...both of you?

It must have met Auron's standards, for he took up for me once again, stating, "And that's all one needs to be a guardian." He wasted no time in pushing past the priest, and glanced back at me to indicate that I should do the same.

The priests permission came a split second too late, I was already on the move, following Auron's lead. "Very well," the priest said with a muffled sigh.

The sphere in Yuna's belongings had confirmed the fears that first surfaced in Guadosalam. Seymour's motives were plain to us, and we rushed into the anteroom of the Chamber of the Fayth to confront him. The half-Guado Maester did not bother to deny our accusations, and at length, Yuna returned from her session with the Fayth. Though exhausted and on the verge of unconsciousness, Yunie joined her guardians in opposing the plans of the twisted Seymour. She reaffirmed her trust in us, holding Sir Auron's gaze the longest to indicate that she placed her full faith in him alone. I couldn't suppress the wave of jealousy that overtook me. Yuna would always command his attention and loyalty in a way that I never could.
We battled Seymour, and I was careful to stick to my policy of never entering battle while Auron stood wielding that fearsome blade of his. When he moved to the sidelines to catch his breath every once in a while, I hopped in and harassed the enemy as only a rogue could. But as soon as the legendary guardian took the field, I departed to watch the battle from a distance. Auron fought with supreme confidence, yet his manner never betrayed the cockiness I'd have expected from anyone who possessed such skill. He shouldered his blade patiently, looking for an opening to present itself, and siezed upon each chance as it came. His strikes were caculated to inflict the most damage possible while still allowing him to defend his allies from attack.

When it was over, Seymour lay on the ground, his life running from his body. Auron once again assumed a position of authority and instructed the summoner to send the fallen Maester. His words fell on deaf ears, however, as Yuna's naivete and pity compelled her to Seymour's side, checking in vain for signs of life. As the Guado leader's last breath left his lips, Seymour's faithful servant Tromell burst into the room with Guado guards in his wake. Tromell assumed the worst, that we'd murdered Seymour in cold blood. We attempted to present our side of the story, but were stiffled and herded to the front of the temple.
A flash of insight encouraged me to mention the proof of the Maester's intentions. The sphere Jyscal had made could clear our names and show the Guado the error of their former leader's ways. As soon as I brought up the sphere to Tromell, the Guado butler produced the device from the folds of his robe and shattered it, along with any hope we had of setting the record straight. Kimahri and Auron must have seen the futility in continuing to exchange words with the single-minded Guado. They yelled for us to run for the door...and our freedom.

The group was able to push past the startled Guado and clear the entrance of the temple with little trouble. We ran at full speed out the door and down the treacherous, icy paths leading from the building. The Guado guards regained their senses quickly and took off in pursuit of us. Their superior agility eventually allowed them to overtake us and we were forced to expend precious minutes in battle against them and their summons. Our skills and experience allowed us to triumph, but not before the rest of their forces were mobilized.
Our numb feet carried us to the frozen surface of Lake Macalania, where we were cornered by two high-ranking Guado soldiers and their pet Wendigo. Others were approaching rapidly from the direction of the temple. We'd no choice but to engage the Guado who sprung the ambush on us.

Yuna, Tidus and Auron formed a line in front of the Wendigo and its Guado allies. The two guardians focused on eliminating the Guado handlers, and were able to do so with impressive speed. One of the handlers managed to complete a spell before he died, putting the Wendigo into a dangerous berserk state.

The engraged creature did not wait to be attacked. Instead, it lashed out with its powerful, fur-covered fists and launched itself at Yuna as she chanted the Esuna spell that would remove the creature's unearthly strength. Auron saw the attack coming and calmly positioned himself in the path of the rampaging Wendigo, bracing himself to take the brunt of its attack.

Auron grossly underestimated the strength of his enemy, and the impact from the Wendigo's massive fists send the scarlet-clad guardian flying backwards into a column of ice. Auron's body landed with a loud thud and many audible cracks. I inhaled sharply. The guardian's glasses were knocked from his face by the blow, and his eye betrayed incredible physical pain.

He lifted his head weakly and realized everyone was staring at him. Auron's breath came in ragged gasps and he forced himself to speak. "Don't worry...about me...finish your spell...Yuna." With that, the guardian collapsed into unconsciousness. Even in his state of sheer helplessness, the legendary guardian compelled obedience. Would you take note of that if you weren't so deeply in love with him, Rikku? I asked myself. Was that the only way I could place him at a safe distance from myself...attempting to convert my romantic feelings into a kind of hero worship? I had the odd feeling Auron would be more at ease on a pedestal than in my arms. And yet, his competence, skill, and grace in battle had failed to prevent his current injuries.

Yuna did as she was instructed and removed the berserk from the Wendigo. Kimarhi rushed in to take the place of the fallen Auron, and Lulu replaced the tired Tidus. The black mage chanted the most damaging fire spell she knew, and the beast's hide erupted in flames. Kimahri sliced into the Wendigo's flesh with his polearm and Yuna set about summoning an aeon.

Thoughts of vengeance flooded me. No one had the right to treat Auron that way! I reached into my pack and withdrew a pair of explosives, my rage at seeing Auron laid out fueling my desperate actions. I combined the two devices and lobbed them at the fiend.
The explosions finished off the beast, and before its body lay still on the ground, I was at Auron's side. I shook the guardian gently, but he didn't respond. Desperate thoughts raced through my mind. I'd tried my best to keep my feelings for the older guardian hidden from the rest of my companions, but my concern for Auron got the best of me. Tears streaked my face as I continued to shake him with increasing violence. Damn it, Auron, answer me! Wake up, you fool! Your job isn't through...Can't you see you're worrying Yuna...hell, forget Yuna, you're scaring me to no end! Normally, Auron would have acted to end such irrational, childish behavior on my part. I'd have given anything to be the object of that unnerving gaze of his, his sharp, biting criticisms, anything...anything but this! But Auron failed to respond to my rough treatment and silent pleas. Something was seriously wrong with him.

His breathing was still irregular, and he was burning with fever. I recovered some of my composure and moved to his head, took it gently in my hands, and placed it in my lap, pausing momentarily to stroke the sweat-soaked hair. With surprisingly steady hands, I unfastened the collar from his clothing and pulled it over his head, tossing it aside. Auron's good eye was clamped shut, his forehead furrowed and mouth drawn in extreme pain, his expression maintained even in his unconsciousness. I retrieved the strongest potion that I could find from my pack, uncorked it, and poured the contents into Auron's mouth. Nothing happened and I began to panic again.

Yuna sat down beside me and took a close look at her father's guardian. Her fingers worked over his entire body, surveying the wounds he'd sustained. She unbuckled his belt, and pulled the scarlet robe away from his midsection, gingerly pressing her hand to his ribs and abdomen.

She shook her head slowly. "He's...broken nearly everything, and there's a lot of internal bleeding. I've got spells for that, but the bones are beyond my abilities. We'd best set and splint them as soon as possible."

I grimaced and dug my fingers deeper into his hair. Yuna got to her feet, closed her eyes and began chanting a spell to ease the bleeding and pain. The others scattered to look for materials to construct the splints and bandages that Auron would require. Kimahri walked off to the side to retrieve Auron's blade where it had fallen from the older guardian's grasp. Reverently, the Ronso took the weapon into his hands, and began to clean it. While everyone was busy, I bent down to kiss the unconscious man's forehead, and began to massage his temples. There was little I could do to heal his wounds, so I focused my attentions on providing what comfort I was able. Damn your nobility, Auron...it's going to get you killed one of these days, if you're lucky enough to get out of this one alive.

I'd had enough of feeling helpless in the wake of his injury. I wanted, no, I needed to be proactive, if even in a small way. Auron was forever intercepting the pain and suffering of others, and I had no way to repay the favor. In fact, when I'd offered, he'd turned me down. Well maybe this time, he didn't have a choice. If he ever recovered and found out what I was about to do to him, there would be no end to his anger. But he wasn't awake to stop me. I took a deep breath...it's always easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Supporting his head with one hand, I reached down to my belt to free my canteen with the other. I had no idea if what I planned would work or not, but it was definitely worth a try and harmless at the very worst. I unscrewed the top of the container and peered inside to make sure there was still a substantial amount of the lake water remaining. I drank from the canteen first, noting no difference in the taste of the lake water from normal water. When I finished drinking, I held the canteen to Auron's lips and dribbled as much of the water between them as I dared. I closed the container and replaced it on my belt, feeling no different than I had moments ago.

Against my better judgment, I placed both of my arms beneath his and hauled him up into a sitting position, resting his heavy frame against mine. I wrapped my arms around him, and rested his head against my chest. I didn't remember feeling so tired, but I leaned back, careful to keep Auron's body steady, and closed my eyes. I wasn't quite asleep, but nor was I awake. I had the impression that my consciousness was being pulled from my body, toward a presence much larger than my own.