Can I Come In?
1 Part Five
There are a lot of things going on at once. Observe:
Professor Dumbledore trapped in his room, leaning back in a chair. Fawkes, his phoenix, is singing softly for him. The door to his room is guarded by a gargoyle that fills the archway once occupied by his door. It is made of obsidian, and darkly reflects the poorly lit hall it occupies. It has no hind legs, but appears to grow out of the wall. Its muscled arms rest on the floor, and its clawed fingers tap the stones endlessly.
Wormtail and Albus Filch. Their bodies burn side by side. The lifeless body of Professor Mundanus, A Death Eater in life, lies not very far from them.
Harry Potter's Aunt Petunia. Now a vampire, she forces a Slytherin prefect named Trevor Bastarrus to lead her to the Gryffindor dormitories.
Spike and Drusilla walking towards the library of Hogwarts.
Professor Aconite, rummaging through the desk in her room, filling a bag with knives, crosses, axes, a sword, a crossbow, her wand, and a few vials of holy water.
A group of ten Death Eaters moving towards the dining hall. The plan they intended to follow has already had one minor upset, but still they must go forwards, or risk the severest displeasure of their lord.
The rightful inhabitants of Hogwarts, students and teachers, sleeping restfully (Madame Trelawney having dozed off with the aid of marijuana- spiked tea).
A former Hogwarts Express train driver leading a pack of ten vampires. With no instructions from Spike, Tim sends the vampires in different directions in an attempt to bring as much death and destruction as possible. After all, confusion is vital to the desires of the vampires, even if it is not entirely necessary for what Voldemort desires.
Mayhem is almost certainly guaranteed.
***
This is one of the muggles that were made into vampires but an hour ago. This one is female, and dressed in fairly casual clothing, which of course makes her stick out like a sore thumb in Hogwarts castle. Well, that and the yellow eyes, pointy teeth, and so forth. It stalks the dim corridors of the castle, in search of the next meal. She has drunk some blood, that of children, but it doesn't satisfy her. Sniffing the scent of an adult female, she follows the smell to a door. Without reading the name on the door, which would certainly mean nothing to her in any case, she smashes through the old wood, and prepares to pounce on the rather startled woman. Who, the vampire realises too late, doesn't look unprepared.
Professor Aconite had stripped off her robes, which were an impediment to movement, and was dressed rather more like a muggle now. She took a quick three steps forward, and delivered a high kick into the vampire's face. As the vampire fell down, Melissa quickly regained her balance, and drew a wooden stake from her belt. The vampire was just starting to pick itself up when the stake rammed down into its' heart. There was an explosion of dust, and Melissa Aconite covered her face to ward off a serious coughing fit.
'Well,' she said, picking up her bag of weapons, and carrying it over one shoulder, 'some people really do need to learn how to knock.'
She stepped lightly over the shattered remains of her door, and set off to look for more vampires.
***
Professor McGonagall was woken from her sleep by movements through the corridor. Bloody children, don't they ever bother to follow school rules? She thought rather irritably. She swung her legs from out of her bed, and grabbed a dressing robe before standing up. She robed herself quickly, and reached for her wand. 'Lumos!' she whispered urgently.
She stepped gingerly towards the door, opened it quietly, and peered around the corner. And saw ten figures, dressed in robes of black, walking away from her, and going around the corner. Death Eaters.
She closed the door quietly, locked it firmly, and sat down on her bed, wondering what to do.
She reached for a bottle of brandy.
***
Petunia and the prefect came to a halt in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.
'Are you…err…gonna let me go now?' Trevor asked nervously.
'Of course not, you silly little boy!' said Petunia with mock horror while laughing, and punched him. He fell down to the ground unconscious. She might have liked to kill him, but he might be needed later. The Fat Lady opened her eyes sleepily, and asked wearily, 'password?'
The Fat Lady's face registered shock as Petunia's face became a thing of bestial rage.
Harry Potter, and indeed every Gryffindor, woke in a start as a huge crashing boom resounded throughout the dormitory. They rushed out in the seating area, where the fire place was lit with a fire to give warmth in winter. The fire illuminate the sight of the door, on which the Fat Lady's portrait was mounted, lying in a mildly smashed heap. The portrait lay on top of the splinters.
'Ouch,' said the Fat Lady. But no-one was listening. They were too busy staring at the figure whose features were barely lit by the fire. They were monstrous, and the pupils who crowded the balcony outside the sleeping areas were too afraid to step down the stairs towards the figure.
The monster stepped through the doorway, and was more fully illuminated by the blazing fire.
'Aunt Petunia?' asked Harry, absolutely baffled.
Petunia grinned, showing all of her teeth. The pupils shrank back, and a few went running back to the dormitories, hoping for refuge.
'Aren't you glad to see your dear old aunty?' Petunia enquired.
***
Professor Snape was walking the cold corridors in a foul mood. There wasn't a lot of change there, but it seems worth noting. He drew his black robes around himself to keep out the cold, and marched on. He decided to check the library again. Harry Potter was the biggest nuisance in the whole school. As bad as his father. Snape scowled. Made more work for everyone else, and was praised because he was lucky. No-one appreciated a hard worker, although for reasons of morale, no-one thought it was wise to tell the pupils in Hufflepuff, who would only get depressed.
As he turned around the corner, Spike and Drusilla spotted him.
'Oi! You there,' Spike yelled. Snape snapped out of his thoughts and looked suspiciously at the strangers. They were almost certainly not meant to be there, but didn't Mundanus have muggles in the castle? If Mundanus had been careless, Snape gloated, he would see to it personally that Dumbledore knew at once. Besides, Snape was not as forgiving as Dumbledore, and he did not believe that Mundanus was really a reformed Death Eater.
'Yes?' he asked icily. Being greeted by Snape was enough to make most people cower in fear. Spike, on the other hand, didn't appear bothered.
'Know which way the library is mate?' Spike asked.
Snape was about to pour every last acidic sarcastic comment he could muster upon them, when Drusilla's eyes caught him. They were deadly eyes, and Snape looked away quickly. On the whole, he thought it best to play along for now.
'Just along there, and take the third left,' he said in a dry voice.
'Cheers,' said Spike, as he and Drusilla walked past. Spike spun on his heel after a few steps, and said, 'one last thing.'
Snape looked around with a withering look in his eye. 'What would that be then?'
'You don't bloody half look like Alan Rickman.' And then Spike and Drusilla were gone.
Snape rolled his eyes. 'It has been mentioned,' he muttered.
***
The Death Eaters paused at an intersection met by five branching corridors.
'Are you sure this is the right way?' asked a witch.
The leader paused. 'You know, I'm sure they couldn't have changed it too much since we were students here.'
One whispered to another: 'I wonder which century that was for him?'
'I heard that,' muttered the leader.
There was a lengthy pause.
'Perhaps we should split up at this point,' the leader added.
Somewhere a scream sounded distantly. The Death Eaters exchanged nervous looks.
'Of course,' added the leader nonchalantly, 'we could remain in a group.'
***
The scream had come from Professor Sprout. She had just spilled coffee all over the homework she was supposed to be marking. It was extraordinarily frustrating when added to all of the other pressures involved in day to day administration and teaching. It wasn't related to the present crisis, but there you go.
Professor Sprout was struck by a moment of indecision. Then she decided to place Memory Charms on the class so that they forgot they had ever been given the homework.
***
Marie Neardrop tried rattling the door knob again, in a very pointless manner. She was still locked in the blasted toilets. She sighed and sat back down.
Myrtle floated out of her cubicle. 'How about a game of 'I spy'?'
Marie groaned in pain.
***
The vampire had seen the silvery ladder dangling from the trapdoor a minute previously, and was still transfixed by it. Eventually he got a grip upon himself, and climbed it into the musky room of Madame Trelawney, filled with the pungent (actually, it didn't smell too bad) smell of incense (the vampire wrestled with uncertainty. Incense, it felt sure, wasn't meant to smell in this manner). Madame Trelawney was slumped over her desk, a cup of tea by her side, seemingly untouched. It was full, almost to the brim.
The vampire sipped the tea, out of curiosity. If there was poison in it, it would taste bad, but not kill him. And it would warn him not to drink the blood of the unconscious form. It didn't taste too bad.
He was startled when Madame Trelawney spluttered in her sleep, and began to rouse from her dreams. He dropped the tea cup, which miraculously didn't shatter, even though it hit the ground upside down.
Madame Trelawney looked up wearily at the vampire, whose face had become something to dread. She muttered something, waved her wand, and went back to sleep.
The vampire laughed loudly. 'Is that the best you can do silly old woman-' He was interrupted by a worrying sound. He turned around slowly, and realised where the growling was coming from. Fifteen pouffes, which ordinarily did nothing more offensive than occasionally lose a bit of stuffing, were advancing upon him in an extremely menacing manner.
Two nearby vampires heard his screams, and headed towards his direction, although it would be too late for him by the time they arrived.
Meanwhile, the upended tea cup began to steadily pour out drugged tea.
***
Hearing the sound of a fight, Melissa hurried after the noise, fearing the worst. She followed the noise to the area where Madame Trelawney's classroom could be found. Melissa had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, and walked into the corridor where she could be found, dreading the worst. And didn't quite find what she'd been expecting. It was too dark to tell what it was, but there was a liquid dripping out of the trapdoor in the ceiling where Madame Trelawney resided. Except it didn't smell remotely like blood. A good start. It smelt like…tea? And something else? Odd. Not quite as odd as what was happening to the two vampires she could see, trying to disengage themselves from the rope ladder.
They had arrived, hearing the sound of a comrade in trouble. What they had found was a small pile of ashes, presumably his, and a lot of huddled growling shapes. When it had turned out that the growling things were furniture, their situation hadn't improved much.
And so Melissa watched with astonishment as the two vampires were beaten to death by the pouffes. She sometimes wondered how many people left this school without the need for therapy. She stopped wondering idly when the pouffes scented her, and began to bounce her way. Fearing for her life, and the most embarrassing end in history, Melissa screamed out the first spell that came to mind.
In retrospect, perhaps it wasn't the ideal choice.
***
Dumbledore didn't need to listen too hard to hear the explosion.
'Oh dear,' he muttered absent mindedly, 'I do hope that wasn't too expensive.'
***
'What the hell was that?' asked one of the Death Eaters.
The leader of the group was slumped against the wall. He was beginning to suspect that they were either under the influence of magic, or just really bad at finding directions. Either way, things were not what he had hoped for. He sighed.
'Well, we're here, it's over there,' he said, waving an arm in the general direction, 'why don't we try going this way?' he finished, pointing in the other direction.
'Shouldn't we find out what the explosion was?' asked another Death Eater.
'Volunteers for heading towards the source of the explosion?' asked the leader.
There was an uneasy silence.
***
'Well?' asked Petunia, 'are you going to come down, nephew, or am I going to have to start killing all of your little friends?'
The Gryffindor students shrank back somewhat.
'Ok,' said Harry, trying to look braver than he felt, 'but don't hurt them, ok?'
'There's a good boy,' said Petunia. 'Come on now, we haven't got all night.'
Hermione whispered something to Ron. He nodded, and whispered to the Gryffindors, but Petunia heard.
Petunia turned around, one hand enclosed on Harry's neck, and said: 'If you little brats try anything-'
Petunia didn't have time to tell them what she'd do, the Gryffindors as one shouted, 'Expelliarmus!'
Petunia was thrown backwards, and hit the wall with a painful 'thud.'
'Harry!' shouted Ron, 'stake her with something! Something pointy and wooden!'
'Like a wooden stake?' asked Hermione sarcastically, while Harry staked Petunia with his wand. It was the closest thing he had to hand. Petunia's face took on an expression of helpless rage, and she exploded into fine ash. Harry looked slightly shell-shocked.
'Well,' said Hermione in a smug voice, 'I think it was rather stupid of a vampire to try anything in a building full of people carrying pointed wooden wands! Honestly.' She looked at the rest of the house as if this should be evident to all.
The others gave her the correct look of exasperation, which always rewards those who complain about the quality of villains.
***
Spike was rifling through the library shelves. Books piled up on the floor, discarded like losing tickets to a grand prize. Drusilla had been swaying from side to side by one of the reading desks, but she suddenly froze, as if she were a statue made of ice and evil.
'All our pretty children are dying!' she said in a barely audible whisper. She sounded horror struck.
Spike scowled. 'Good. That means we'll have plenty of time.'
He threw his hands up in the air. 'Bloody hell! Where is the sodding book?'
A trembling voice called out, that of an old woman. 'Who goes there?' came the call.
Madame Pince walked into Spike's field of vision, and stood very still.
'Ah,' said Spike, smiling wolfishly, 'I wanted to take out a little book. I don't suppose you could help me with that?'
Madame Pince turned and displayed a surprising show of speed for a woman her age. She disappeared somewhere into the maze of book shelves.
Spike sighed and went back to the business of hunting out his prize. 'Bloody librarians,' he muttered, 'nothing but trouble.'
***
Snape was hurriedly walking towards Dumbledore's office. Sometimes he thought the school would be better off without him, but with vampires in the school, and someone, goodnss knows who, setting off explosions, it might be time to ask for advice. As he passed by the dining hall, two vampires set upon him.
With the barest change in his expression, he rammed his wand into the heart of one, even as he began to pronounce the words of a curse. As the staked vampire exploded into dust, the other vampire broke his spell casting with a well thrown punch to the jaw. Snape span around slightly, and threw himself to the ground to avoid another swing. The vampire swiftly kicked him in the ribs, which left Snape wheezing.
The vampire picked up Snape's wand and threw it very far away. He then grabbed Snape by the shoulders, and lifted him up so that his feet dangled an inch off the ground. He growled savagely, and opened his mouth to reveal glittering teeth. The vampire's mouth lunged forwards, and Snape felt the teeth scratch his neck as-
-as a large rock impacted on the back of the vampire's head.
The vampire dropped Snape, who landed heavily on the floor. Melissa appeared from the darkness as the vampire rushed towards her. She jumped into the air, straight upwards, and lashed out with a sharp kick to the vampire's head. The vampire staggered back two steps, and then dived for Melissa as she recovered her balance. Melissa fell back with the vampire on top of her, struggling to prevent it from biting her neck. She broke it's hold by kneeing the monster in the bollocks, and then delivered a sharp chop to it's neck. It choked slightly, and she pushed the vampire from her, and clambered to her feet. The vampire began to do the same, but Melissa kicked it in the head again. The vampire span as it fell, landing face down, and Melissa retrieved a stake from her belt. The vampire rolled to one side as the stake came down, splintering on the hard stone floor. The fight might have continued indefinitely like this if Snape hadn't then thrown a small bottle at the staggering vampire, which immediately consumed it with green flames.
'Wow,' said Melissa as the vampire crumbled into nothingness. 'Don't you ever worry about carrying that stuff on you?'
'As a rule,' Snape began dryly, 'I never worry too much about highly distilled holy water.'
Melissa muttered under her breath, 'that's a surprise to me.'
'I heard that,' said Snape.
'Where to now?' asked Melissa, ignoring him.
'I was going to fetch Professor Dumbledore,' said Snape, in a tone that suggested Melissa should let others do the hard work, and that moreover she would be best served by withdrawing herself from his gaze forever more.
'An excellent plan,' she replied breezily, making a mental note to let Snape get a few more bruises if the opportunity arose.
They briskly walked onwards.
Madame Trelawney awoke once more, feeling much more clear headed. Her inner eye told her that something was badly wrong, and if her inner eye was actually functioning as she claimed it did, it was probably a sign of dire danger. She cast a small hex to make herself seem not worth noticing, and she took a secret passage to the maze of hidden networks that made up Hogwarts. Best get out of there she reasoned.
She thought the floor was wet, but took no notice, thinking it may have been better not to know. In a sense she was right. The floor was now half a centimetre deep in tea.
Meanwhile, the upended cup continued to pour forth.
Harry was shocked, but recovering. He looked urgently up at Hermione and Ron.
'We've got to tell Dumbledore!' he said.
'Tell him what?' asked Hermione, ' "Dumbledore, come quick, the villains are morons!" something like that?'
'I think I'd have noticed if my aunty had always been a vampire. Maybe. Anyway, that means someone made her a vampire, right? Someone who knew where Hogwarts is? Which means-'
'We're all in danger!' said Ron hoarsely.
'We don't have a moment to lose!' said Hermione urgently, as if she had never doubted the seriousness of the situation.
Not as far away as some would imagine, a pale figure in a robe of deepest black looked at a clock with satisfaction.
'Aaaaah,' it said, 'soon I shall be back in that wretched school, and I shall destroy the child that has been such an annoyance.'
Lord Voldemort hissed with pleasure.
1 Part Five
There are a lot of things going on at once. Observe:
Professor Dumbledore trapped in his room, leaning back in a chair. Fawkes, his phoenix, is singing softly for him. The door to his room is guarded by a gargoyle that fills the archway once occupied by his door. It is made of obsidian, and darkly reflects the poorly lit hall it occupies. It has no hind legs, but appears to grow out of the wall. Its muscled arms rest on the floor, and its clawed fingers tap the stones endlessly.
Wormtail and Albus Filch. Their bodies burn side by side. The lifeless body of Professor Mundanus, A Death Eater in life, lies not very far from them.
Harry Potter's Aunt Petunia. Now a vampire, she forces a Slytherin prefect named Trevor Bastarrus to lead her to the Gryffindor dormitories.
Spike and Drusilla walking towards the library of Hogwarts.
Professor Aconite, rummaging through the desk in her room, filling a bag with knives, crosses, axes, a sword, a crossbow, her wand, and a few vials of holy water.
A group of ten Death Eaters moving towards the dining hall. The plan they intended to follow has already had one minor upset, but still they must go forwards, or risk the severest displeasure of their lord.
The rightful inhabitants of Hogwarts, students and teachers, sleeping restfully (Madame Trelawney having dozed off with the aid of marijuana- spiked tea).
A former Hogwarts Express train driver leading a pack of ten vampires. With no instructions from Spike, Tim sends the vampires in different directions in an attempt to bring as much death and destruction as possible. After all, confusion is vital to the desires of the vampires, even if it is not entirely necessary for what Voldemort desires.
Mayhem is almost certainly guaranteed.
***
This is one of the muggles that were made into vampires but an hour ago. This one is female, and dressed in fairly casual clothing, which of course makes her stick out like a sore thumb in Hogwarts castle. Well, that and the yellow eyes, pointy teeth, and so forth. It stalks the dim corridors of the castle, in search of the next meal. She has drunk some blood, that of children, but it doesn't satisfy her. Sniffing the scent of an adult female, she follows the smell to a door. Without reading the name on the door, which would certainly mean nothing to her in any case, she smashes through the old wood, and prepares to pounce on the rather startled woman. Who, the vampire realises too late, doesn't look unprepared.
Professor Aconite had stripped off her robes, which were an impediment to movement, and was dressed rather more like a muggle now. She took a quick three steps forward, and delivered a high kick into the vampire's face. As the vampire fell down, Melissa quickly regained her balance, and drew a wooden stake from her belt. The vampire was just starting to pick itself up when the stake rammed down into its' heart. There was an explosion of dust, and Melissa Aconite covered her face to ward off a serious coughing fit.
'Well,' she said, picking up her bag of weapons, and carrying it over one shoulder, 'some people really do need to learn how to knock.'
She stepped lightly over the shattered remains of her door, and set off to look for more vampires.
***
Professor McGonagall was woken from her sleep by movements through the corridor. Bloody children, don't they ever bother to follow school rules? She thought rather irritably. She swung her legs from out of her bed, and grabbed a dressing robe before standing up. She robed herself quickly, and reached for her wand. 'Lumos!' she whispered urgently.
She stepped gingerly towards the door, opened it quietly, and peered around the corner. And saw ten figures, dressed in robes of black, walking away from her, and going around the corner. Death Eaters.
She closed the door quietly, locked it firmly, and sat down on her bed, wondering what to do.
She reached for a bottle of brandy.
***
Petunia and the prefect came to a halt in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.
'Are you…err…gonna let me go now?' Trevor asked nervously.
'Of course not, you silly little boy!' said Petunia with mock horror while laughing, and punched him. He fell down to the ground unconscious. She might have liked to kill him, but he might be needed later. The Fat Lady opened her eyes sleepily, and asked wearily, 'password?'
The Fat Lady's face registered shock as Petunia's face became a thing of bestial rage.
Harry Potter, and indeed every Gryffindor, woke in a start as a huge crashing boom resounded throughout the dormitory. They rushed out in the seating area, where the fire place was lit with a fire to give warmth in winter. The fire illuminate the sight of the door, on which the Fat Lady's portrait was mounted, lying in a mildly smashed heap. The portrait lay on top of the splinters.
'Ouch,' said the Fat Lady. But no-one was listening. They were too busy staring at the figure whose features were barely lit by the fire. They were monstrous, and the pupils who crowded the balcony outside the sleeping areas were too afraid to step down the stairs towards the figure.
The monster stepped through the doorway, and was more fully illuminated by the blazing fire.
'Aunt Petunia?' asked Harry, absolutely baffled.
Petunia grinned, showing all of her teeth. The pupils shrank back, and a few went running back to the dormitories, hoping for refuge.
'Aren't you glad to see your dear old aunty?' Petunia enquired.
***
Professor Snape was walking the cold corridors in a foul mood. There wasn't a lot of change there, but it seems worth noting. He drew his black robes around himself to keep out the cold, and marched on. He decided to check the library again. Harry Potter was the biggest nuisance in the whole school. As bad as his father. Snape scowled. Made more work for everyone else, and was praised because he was lucky. No-one appreciated a hard worker, although for reasons of morale, no-one thought it was wise to tell the pupils in Hufflepuff, who would only get depressed.
As he turned around the corner, Spike and Drusilla spotted him.
'Oi! You there,' Spike yelled. Snape snapped out of his thoughts and looked suspiciously at the strangers. They were almost certainly not meant to be there, but didn't Mundanus have muggles in the castle? If Mundanus had been careless, Snape gloated, he would see to it personally that Dumbledore knew at once. Besides, Snape was not as forgiving as Dumbledore, and he did not believe that Mundanus was really a reformed Death Eater.
'Yes?' he asked icily. Being greeted by Snape was enough to make most people cower in fear. Spike, on the other hand, didn't appear bothered.
'Know which way the library is mate?' Spike asked.
Snape was about to pour every last acidic sarcastic comment he could muster upon them, when Drusilla's eyes caught him. They were deadly eyes, and Snape looked away quickly. On the whole, he thought it best to play along for now.
'Just along there, and take the third left,' he said in a dry voice.
'Cheers,' said Spike, as he and Drusilla walked past. Spike spun on his heel after a few steps, and said, 'one last thing.'
Snape looked around with a withering look in his eye. 'What would that be then?'
'You don't bloody half look like Alan Rickman.' And then Spike and Drusilla were gone.
Snape rolled his eyes. 'It has been mentioned,' he muttered.
***
The Death Eaters paused at an intersection met by five branching corridors.
'Are you sure this is the right way?' asked a witch.
The leader paused. 'You know, I'm sure they couldn't have changed it too much since we were students here.'
One whispered to another: 'I wonder which century that was for him?'
'I heard that,' muttered the leader.
There was a lengthy pause.
'Perhaps we should split up at this point,' the leader added.
Somewhere a scream sounded distantly. The Death Eaters exchanged nervous looks.
'Of course,' added the leader nonchalantly, 'we could remain in a group.'
***
The scream had come from Professor Sprout. She had just spilled coffee all over the homework she was supposed to be marking. It was extraordinarily frustrating when added to all of the other pressures involved in day to day administration and teaching. It wasn't related to the present crisis, but there you go.
Professor Sprout was struck by a moment of indecision. Then she decided to place Memory Charms on the class so that they forgot they had ever been given the homework.
***
Marie Neardrop tried rattling the door knob again, in a very pointless manner. She was still locked in the blasted toilets. She sighed and sat back down.
Myrtle floated out of her cubicle. 'How about a game of 'I spy'?'
Marie groaned in pain.
***
The vampire had seen the silvery ladder dangling from the trapdoor a minute previously, and was still transfixed by it. Eventually he got a grip upon himself, and climbed it into the musky room of Madame Trelawney, filled with the pungent (actually, it didn't smell too bad) smell of incense (the vampire wrestled with uncertainty. Incense, it felt sure, wasn't meant to smell in this manner). Madame Trelawney was slumped over her desk, a cup of tea by her side, seemingly untouched. It was full, almost to the brim.
The vampire sipped the tea, out of curiosity. If there was poison in it, it would taste bad, but not kill him. And it would warn him not to drink the blood of the unconscious form. It didn't taste too bad.
He was startled when Madame Trelawney spluttered in her sleep, and began to rouse from her dreams. He dropped the tea cup, which miraculously didn't shatter, even though it hit the ground upside down.
Madame Trelawney looked up wearily at the vampire, whose face had become something to dread. She muttered something, waved her wand, and went back to sleep.
The vampire laughed loudly. 'Is that the best you can do silly old woman-' He was interrupted by a worrying sound. He turned around slowly, and realised where the growling was coming from. Fifteen pouffes, which ordinarily did nothing more offensive than occasionally lose a bit of stuffing, were advancing upon him in an extremely menacing manner.
Two nearby vampires heard his screams, and headed towards his direction, although it would be too late for him by the time they arrived.
Meanwhile, the upended tea cup began to steadily pour out drugged tea.
***
Hearing the sound of a fight, Melissa hurried after the noise, fearing the worst. She followed the noise to the area where Madame Trelawney's classroom could be found. Melissa had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, and walked into the corridor where she could be found, dreading the worst. And didn't quite find what she'd been expecting. It was too dark to tell what it was, but there was a liquid dripping out of the trapdoor in the ceiling where Madame Trelawney resided. Except it didn't smell remotely like blood. A good start. It smelt like…tea? And something else? Odd. Not quite as odd as what was happening to the two vampires she could see, trying to disengage themselves from the rope ladder.
They had arrived, hearing the sound of a comrade in trouble. What they had found was a small pile of ashes, presumably his, and a lot of huddled growling shapes. When it had turned out that the growling things were furniture, their situation hadn't improved much.
And so Melissa watched with astonishment as the two vampires were beaten to death by the pouffes. She sometimes wondered how many people left this school without the need for therapy. She stopped wondering idly when the pouffes scented her, and began to bounce her way. Fearing for her life, and the most embarrassing end in history, Melissa screamed out the first spell that came to mind.
In retrospect, perhaps it wasn't the ideal choice.
***
Dumbledore didn't need to listen too hard to hear the explosion.
'Oh dear,' he muttered absent mindedly, 'I do hope that wasn't too expensive.'
***
'What the hell was that?' asked one of the Death Eaters.
The leader of the group was slumped against the wall. He was beginning to suspect that they were either under the influence of magic, or just really bad at finding directions. Either way, things were not what he had hoped for. He sighed.
'Well, we're here, it's over there,' he said, waving an arm in the general direction, 'why don't we try going this way?' he finished, pointing in the other direction.
'Shouldn't we find out what the explosion was?' asked another Death Eater.
'Volunteers for heading towards the source of the explosion?' asked the leader.
There was an uneasy silence.
***
'Well?' asked Petunia, 'are you going to come down, nephew, or am I going to have to start killing all of your little friends?'
The Gryffindor students shrank back somewhat.
'Ok,' said Harry, trying to look braver than he felt, 'but don't hurt them, ok?'
'There's a good boy,' said Petunia. 'Come on now, we haven't got all night.'
Hermione whispered something to Ron. He nodded, and whispered to the Gryffindors, but Petunia heard.
Petunia turned around, one hand enclosed on Harry's neck, and said: 'If you little brats try anything-'
Petunia didn't have time to tell them what she'd do, the Gryffindors as one shouted, 'Expelliarmus!'
Petunia was thrown backwards, and hit the wall with a painful 'thud.'
'Harry!' shouted Ron, 'stake her with something! Something pointy and wooden!'
'Like a wooden stake?' asked Hermione sarcastically, while Harry staked Petunia with his wand. It was the closest thing he had to hand. Petunia's face took on an expression of helpless rage, and she exploded into fine ash. Harry looked slightly shell-shocked.
'Well,' said Hermione in a smug voice, 'I think it was rather stupid of a vampire to try anything in a building full of people carrying pointed wooden wands! Honestly.' She looked at the rest of the house as if this should be evident to all.
The others gave her the correct look of exasperation, which always rewards those who complain about the quality of villains.
***
Spike was rifling through the library shelves. Books piled up on the floor, discarded like losing tickets to a grand prize. Drusilla had been swaying from side to side by one of the reading desks, but she suddenly froze, as if she were a statue made of ice and evil.
'All our pretty children are dying!' she said in a barely audible whisper. She sounded horror struck.
Spike scowled. 'Good. That means we'll have plenty of time.'
He threw his hands up in the air. 'Bloody hell! Where is the sodding book?'
A trembling voice called out, that of an old woman. 'Who goes there?' came the call.
Madame Pince walked into Spike's field of vision, and stood very still.
'Ah,' said Spike, smiling wolfishly, 'I wanted to take out a little book. I don't suppose you could help me with that?'
Madame Pince turned and displayed a surprising show of speed for a woman her age. She disappeared somewhere into the maze of book shelves.
Spike sighed and went back to the business of hunting out his prize. 'Bloody librarians,' he muttered, 'nothing but trouble.'
***
Snape was hurriedly walking towards Dumbledore's office. Sometimes he thought the school would be better off without him, but with vampires in the school, and someone, goodnss knows who, setting off explosions, it might be time to ask for advice. As he passed by the dining hall, two vampires set upon him.
With the barest change in his expression, he rammed his wand into the heart of one, even as he began to pronounce the words of a curse. As the staked vampire exploded into dust, the other vampire broke his spell casting with a well thrown punch to the jaw. Snape span around slightly, and threw himself to the ground to avoid another swing. The vampire swiftly kicked him in the ribs, which left Snape wheezing.
The vampire picked up Snape's wand and threw it very far away. He then grabbed Snape by the shoulders, and lifted him up so that his feet dangled an inch off the ground. He growled savagely, and opened his mouth to reveal glittering teeth. The vampire's mouth lunged forwards, and Snape felt the teeth scratch his neck as-
-as a large rock impacted on the back of the vampire's head.
The vampire dropped Snape, who landed heavily on the floor. Melissa appeared from the darkness as the vampire rushed towards her. She jumped into the air, straight upwards, and lashed out with a sharp kick to the vampire's head. The vampire staggered back two steps, and then dived for Melissa as she recovered her balance. Melissa fell back with the vampire on top of her, struggling to prevent it from biting her neck. She broke it's hold by kneeing the monster in the bollocks, and then delivered a sharp chop to it's neck. It choked slightly, and she pushed the vampire from her, and clambered to her feet. The vampire began to do the same, but Melissa kicked it in the head again. The vampire span as it fell, landing face down, and Melissa retrieved a stake from her belt. The vampire rolled to one side as the stake came down, splintering on the hard stone floor. The fight might have continued indefinitely like this if Snape hadn't then thrown a small bottle at the staggering vampire, which immediately consumed it with green flames.
'Wow,' said Melissa as the vampire crumbled into nothingness. 'Don't you ever worry about carrying that stuff on you?'
'As a rule,' Snape began dryly, 'I never worry too much about highly distilled holy water.'
Melissa muttered under her breath, 'that's a surprise to me.'
'I heard that,' said Snape.
'Where to now?' asked Melissa, ignoring him.
'I was going to fetch Professor Dumbledore,' said Snape, in a tone that suggested Melissa should let others do the hard work, and that moreover she would be best served by withdrawing herself from his gaze forever more.
'An excellent plan,' she replied breezily, making a mental note to let Snape get a few more bruises if the opportunity arose.
They briskly walked onwards.
Madame Trelawney awoke once more, feeling much more clear headed. Her inner eye told her that something was badly wrong, and if her inner eye was actually functioning as she claimed it did, it was probably a sign of dire danger. She cast a small hex to make herself seem not worth noticing, and she took a secret passage to the maze of hidden networks that made up Hogwarts. Best get out of there she reasoned.
She thought the floor was wet, but took no notice, thinking it may have been better not to know. In a sense she was right. The floor was now half a centimetre deep in tea.
Meanwhile, the upended cup continued to pour forth.
Harry was shocked, but recovering. He looked urgently up at Hermione and Ron.
'We've got to tell Dumbledore!' he said.
'Tell him what?' asked Hermione, ' "Dumbledore, come quick, the villains are morons!" something like that?'
'I think I'd have noticed if my aunty had always been a vampire. Maybe. Anyway, that means someone made her a vampire, right? Someone who knew where Hogwarts is? Which means-'
'We're all in danger!' said Ron hoarsely.
'We don't have a moment to lose!' said Hermione urgently, as if she had never doubted the seriousness of the situation.
Not as far away as some would imagine, a pale figure in a robe of deepest black looked at a clock with satisfaction.
'Aaaaah,' it said, 'soon I shall be back in that wretched school, and I shall destroy the child that has been such an annoyance.'
Lord Voldemort hissed with pleasure.