Chapter 4: Waking in the Evening
A/N: This one is from Dracey's pov. Nope! No one can be happy for a long while yet! buahahaha!!l!* Harry, Draco,
Ron, and Hermione stare mutinously* There there, guys, just think of it as part of the ups and downs of life, rather than a sadistic author! *Harry, Draco, Ron, and Hermione walk slowly towards Lichan, wands out * Uhhh, guys? Come now, let's not be hasty! Errr...ja mata!!!
Thanks to: Melmm (lol, Tasuki's dirty mouth is one of the things he's best known for ^_^ besides his passion for fire. go watch fushigi yuugi!!!..oh, no, this is hardly one of the best H/D stories! Go read stuff by Klee, and CrystalStarGuardian, and RainShadow, and Rhysen...there will you see true art!) Lilith (aww, I love you too! ^_^ Draco and Tasuki would look good together, wouldn't they? lol) and always, thanks to Klee (Why can't I ever be out of your debt?! bah! ah, well, thanx, love!)
And now for the story!
* If I said it once, I'll say it again. Fuck. This is a fucking mess I've gotten myself into. How could I, the great Slytherin, the great heir to the Malfoy fortune, fuck, the Great Draco Malfoy, have fallen for bloody Harry Potter? * I thought almost bitterly.
I had awoken to find myself sleeping in the arms of Harry Potter. We were alone in a dim room; red sunlight was trickling in through the closed curtains. For a moment, I lay bemused, not knowing where I was nor how I had gotten there. Suddenly, it all came flooding back. * I... him... we...* I thought detachedly. * That's right...*
My eyes fell upon the boy sleeping quietly next to me. The blood red light from the sun cast his face into an almost ethereal glow. His skin was fair, and unmarked. Suddenly, I was filled with the mad urge to mar its perfection, like the urges I had had as a small child, when the snow had fallen, and lay untouched for a moment... lovely... virgin. I had to be the first to cast my footprints in it, to make my mark. That is, until my father saw and yelled at me for playing. He said it was undignified. I wondered what he would say if he knew that I had spent the night with Harry Potter.
I leaned over and my lips brushed lightly on his throat. His skin was soft and cool, and sent a shiver down my spine. He stirred and smiled in his sleep. I smiled back.
He looked so innocent, lying there. And vulnerable. * I could do so much to hurt him,* I thought suddenly, and fear cast a dark shadow over me. * I could ruin both our lives.* But then I shook my head slightly and banished those thoughts to the dark recesses of my mind.
He looked beautiful.
I leaned over again and kissed his throat. His eyes fluttered open gracefully, and he looked at me and smiled.
"Oh, is it you, Malfoy?" He asked me, and his voice sent chills up my spine, "Come to rape me in my sleep?"
For a second, it seemed like I couldn't come up with a reply. The snide remarks that seemed to make the world go 'round just wouldn't come, for the first time in my life. I recovered quickly though. I always recover. It may not have been a snide remark, but at least it was something.
"Of course. That's just the kind of thing I do."
"Are you being sarcastic? You know, if I wake up to find your lips on my neck, I can't help but assume-"
I cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
"Shut up."
And then I kissed him. Again. This time, as he was actually awake, he responded, kissing me back. I felt the velvet warmth of his tongue brush against my lip and I opened my mouth to welcome it. His arms looped around my neck, like hoops of steel, drawing me closer to his body. I grabbed the collar of his robes and pulled down, exposing his pale shoulders, looking soft and virgin in the red light of the sunset.
He was shivering now, and a small moan escaped his lips.
"Draco?" he whispered, "Don't ever leave."
His voice, almost pleading, and full of trust, caused me to lose whatever control I thought I had.
"I won't. God, I won't leave you, I promise. And don't you leave me."
It was a promise I couldn't keep, but one that I was so sure I could keep, in that dim room, drowning in Harry. In Harry's love. Even if I wasn't able to do anything else, I should have been able to do that for him. It was such a small thing, yet so important. But I failed him. I betrayed his trust. I destroyed his innocence, his naivety, and his faith in the power of love.
But our dark future was undaunting when we were caught up in each other's arms, joining together, truly becoming one in a way we had not thought imaginable. This was something beyond sex, something more powerful and more beautiful. Sex seemed too small a word for what we felt, it was all our power, all our life, all our love, caught up in one act. It was our hopes, our dreams, our failures, it was everything that made us us, and yet it was more. It was something that no words in the human language can even come close to expressing.
And now it's gone. Gone because I was too weak. Gone because I am too prideful. Gone because the phrase "love will get us through" just seemed to lose its meaning when it was put to the test. I've cried more in the past week than I have in my entire life. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep, my face shoved hard into my pillow to stifle the sound. Of course, I could put up a silencing charm, but that would be too much like admitting defeat, though I know I am already defeated. And I am lonely. God, I miss him. It hurts not to have him to talk to, and not to ever be the reason behind his smile. I stare at him all the time. I watch him putting up a brave face among his friends. I watch him being tormented by brainless people, and I feel like killing them for hurting him like that. But then, I guess I feel like killing myself, because it was my fault. Mine entirely.
And I often wonder... is he as lonely as I am? And does he ever cry himself to sleep at night?
If I were offered the chance, I would say "fuck pride" and go back to Harry. I would do anything to get that lost, horribly dead expression out of his eyes. I would do anything to see him smile again. Not one of those disgustingly plastic smiles that he puts on in front of his friends. A genuine smile. One of the smiles that could drive the clouds away from any day, exposing the sun and blue sky that always lay beneath. One of the smiles that let me know that everything would be alright, no matter what happened. Even if it looked as though the clouds had taken over forever, he was always able to smile, and then the clouds would be gone, as if by some strange magic. He always had that inexplicable belief that we could get through anything. But now it seems as though he will never smile again. The clouds are here to stay. He has lost his passion for life.
It's too late now. There is nothing left for me to do. I hate myself for what I have done to him, the only person I ever truly loved. But for some reason, something always stills my hand when I'm about to give up and end it all. I still have the memory of his smiling face, and his warm lips on mine, reassuring me, telling me all about life, and truth, and love. I cannot give up as long as I have these memories.
I cannot give up.
A/N: This one is from Dracey's pov. Nope! No one can be happy for a long while yet! buahahaha!!l!* Harry, Draco,
Ron, and Hermione stare mutinously* There there, guys, just think of it as part of the ups and downs of life, rather than a sadistic author! *Harry, Draco, Ron, and Hermione walk slowly towards Lichan, wands out * Uhhh, guys? Come now, let's not be hasty! Errr...ja mata!!!
Thanks to: Melmm (lol, Tasuki's dirty mouth is one of the things he's best known for ^_^ besides his passion for fire. go watch fushigi yuugi!!!..oh, no, this is hardly one of the best H/D stories! Go read stuff by Klee, and CrystalStarGuardian, and RainShadow, and Rhysen...there will you see true art!) Lilith (aww, I love you too! ^_^ Draco and Tasuki would look good together, wouldn't they? lol) and always, thanks to Klee (Why can't I ever be out of your debt?! bah! ah, well, thanx, love!)
And now for the story!
* If I said it once, I'll say it again. Fuck. This is a fucking mess I've gotten myself into. How could I, the great Slytherin, the great heir to the Malfoy fortune, fuck, the Great Draco Malfoy, have fallen for bloody Harry Potter? * I thought almost bitterly.
I had awoken to find myself sleeping in the arms of Harry Potter. We were alone in a dim room; red sunlight was trickling in through the closed curtains. For a moment, I lay bemused, not knowing where I was nor how I had gotten there. Suddenly, it all came flooding back. * I... him... we...* I thought detachedly. * That's right...*
My eyes fell upon the boy sleeping quietly next to me. The blood red light from the sun cast his face into an almost ethereal glow. His skin was fair, and unmarked. Suddenly, I was filled with the mad urge to mar its perfection, like the urges I had had as a small child, when the snow had fallen, and lay untouched for a moment... lovely... virgin. I had to be the first to cast my footprints in it, to make my mark. That is, until my father saw and yelled at me for playing. He said it was undignified. I wondered what he would say if he knew that I had spent the night with Harry Potter.
I leaned over and my lips brushed lightly on his throat. His skin was soft and cool, and sent a shiver down my spine. He stirred and smiled in his sleep. I smiled back.
He looked so innocent, lying there. And vulnerable. * I could do so much to hurt him,* I thought suddenly, and fear cast a dark shadow over me. * I could ruin both our lives.* But then I shook my head slightly and banished those thoughts to the dark recesses of my mind.
He looked beautiful.
I leaned over again and kissed his throat. His eyes fluttered open gracefully, and he looked at me and smiled.
"Oh, is it you, Malfoy?" He asked me, and his voice sent chills up my spine, "Come to rape me in my sleep?"
For a second, it seemed like I couldn't come up with a reply. The snide remarks that seemed to make the world go 'round just wouldn't come, for the first time in my life. I recovered quickly though. I always recover. It may not have been a snide remark, but at least it was something.
"Of course. That's just the kind of thing I do."
"Are you being sarcastic? You know, if I wake up to find your lips on my neck, I can't help but assume-"
I cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
"Shut up."
And then I kissed him. Again. This time, as he was actually awake, he responded, kissing me back. I felt the velvet warmth of his tongue brush against my lip and I opened my mouth to welcome it. His arms looped around my neck, like hoops of steel, drawing me closer to his body. I grabbed the collar of his robes and pulled down, exposing his pale shoulders, looking soft and virgin in the red light of the sunset.
He was shivering now, and a small moan escaped his lips.
"Draco?" he whispered, "Don't ever leave."
His voice, almost pleading, and full of trust, caused me to lose whatever control I thought I had.
"I won't. God, I won't leave you, I promise. And don't you leave me."
It was a promise I couldn't keep, but one that I was so sure I could keep, in that dim room, drowning in Harry. In Harry's love. Even if I wasn't able to do anything else, I should have been able to do that for him. It was such a small thing, yet so important. But I failed him. I betrayed his trust. I destroyed his innocence, his naivety, and his faith in the power of love.
But our dark future was undaunting when we were caught up in each other's arms, joining together, truly becoming one in a way we had not thought imaginable. This was something beyond sex, something more powerful and more beautiful. Sex seemed too small a word for what we felt, it was all our power, all our life, all our love, caught up in one act. It was our hopes, our dreams, our failures, it was everything that made us us, and yet it was more. It was something that no words in the human language can even come close to expressing.
And now it's gone. Gone because I was too weak. Gone because I am too prideful. Gone because the phrase "love will get us through" just seemed to lose its meaning when it was put to the test. I've cried more in the past week than I have in my entire life. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep, my face shoved hard into my pillow to stifle the sound. Of course, I could put up a silencing charm, but that would be too much like admitting defeat, though I know I am already defeated. And I am lonely. God, I miss him. It hurts not to have him to talk to, and not to ever be the reason behind his smile. I stare at him all the time. I watch him putting up a brave face among his friends. I watch him being tormented by brainless people, and I feel like killing them for hurting him like that. But then, I guess I feel like killing myself, because it was my fault. Mine entirely.
And I often wonder... is he as lonely as I am? And does he ever cry himself to sleep at night?
If I were offered the chance, I would say "fuck pride" and go back to Harry. I would do anything to get that lost, horribly dead expression out of his eyes. I would do anything to see him smile again. Not one of those disgustingly plastic smiles that he puts on in front of his friends. A genuine smile. One of the smiles that could drive the clouds away from any day, exposing the sun and blue sky that always lay beneath. One of the smiles that let me know that everything would be alright, no matter what happened. Even if it looked as though the clouds had taken over forever, he was always able to smile, and then the clouds would be gone, as if by some strange magic. He always had that inexplicable belief that we could get through anything. But now it seems as though he will never smile again. The clouds are here to stay. He has lost his passion for life.
It's too late now. There is nothing left for me to do. I hate myself for what I have done to him, the only person I ever truly loved. But for some reason, something always stills my hand when I'm about to give up and end it all. I still have the memory of his smiling face, and his warm lips on mine, reassuring me, telling me all about life, and truth, and love. I cannot give up as long as I have these memories.
I cannot give up.