Cloud was getting old. Not in age, of course; his unruly hair was still as
blonde as it had been three years ago, his frame as buff as it could be for
a man as skinny as him. But he was old inside. He could smell it, an odor
not detectable by anyone around him, a musk of decayed thoughts, broken
dreams and shattered hopes. The bright keenness that his eyes had possessed
was gone, frozen into a sea of unbreakable blue ice.
Each day he grew wearier of the world and its glaringly obvious problems, hated even more his meaningless existence on the tiny blue planet that traveled its meaningless path in a meaningless galaxy for the meaningless scheme of nature. He had had something to live for, significance, when he was fighting against Sephiroth, when he was searching for the identity that had been stolen away from him so many years ago…when he was avenging Aeris. But all that meant nothing, now. Sephiroth was long gone, just another lost soul that belonged now to the pulsing green rivers of the Lifestream; his identity had been found, but he would rather have kept it lost forever than live with it; and Aeris was unattainable. There was nothing for him to live for anymore, nothing left for him to defend in the world—nothing for him to love. Well, no…there was one person.
But she didn't understand him, and he couldn't make her; it would break her heart into a thousand pieces. He could never do that to her. But he couldn't stay here. He couldn't stay away from Aeris; he had to take the chance. If he could see her for even a moment during his passing, he would not have gone in vain.
He pulled out a pen and sat down at the desk in their room, and started to write on a piece of paper. For three hours the paper had nothing but two words on it, but before the morning dawned, he finished.
Dear Tifa:
I'm not good enough for you. You love me…but I can't love you back. I know I hurt you, everyday, every single time I see you, I hurt you. I'm sorry. Even though I could never show it…I love you, too…just not in the way you want me too. I hope you'll be able to see that. I hope you'll be able to find someone else, someone who knows how to treat you the way you deserve, someone who can fill the holes in you that I created. I hope you can understand why I have to hurt you this one last time.
Do me one last favor? Don't miss me.
Goodbye, Tifa. I love you.
Cloud
Each day he grew wearier of the world and its glaringly obvious problems, hated even more his meaningless existence on the tiny blue planet that traveled its meaningless path in a meaningless galaxy for the meaningless scheme of nature. He had had something to live for, significance, when he was fighting against Sephiroth, when he was searching for the identity that had been stolen away from him so many years ago…when he was avenging Aeris. But all that meant nothing, now. Sephiroth was long gone, just another lost soul that belonged now to the pulsing green rivers of the Lifestream; his identity had been found, but he would rather have kept it lost forever than live with it; and Aeris was unattainable. There was nothing for him to live for anymore, nothing left for him to defend in the world—nothing for him to love. Well, no…there was one person.
But she didn't understand him, and he couldn't make her; it would break her heart into a thousand pieces. He could never do that to her. But he couldn't stay here. He couldn't stay away from Aeris; he had to take the chance. If he could see her for even a moment during his passing, he would not have gone in vain.
He pulled out a pen and sat down at the desk in their room, and started to write on a piece of paper. For three hours the paper had nothing but two words on it, but before the morning dawned, he finished.
Dear Tifa:
I'm not good enough for you. You love me…but I can't love you back. I know I hurt you, everyday, every single time I see you, I hurt you. I'm sorry. Even though I could never show it…I love you, too…just not in the way you want me too. I hope you'll be able to see that. I hope you'll be able to find someone else, someone who knows how to treat you the way you deserve, someone who can fill the holes in you that I created. I hope you can understand why I have to hurt you this one last time.
Do me one last favor? Don't miss me.
Goodbye, Tifa. I love you.
Cloud