Disclaimer: I do not own any of the HP characters, etc. etc.
A/N: WOOOOOHOOOOO. I'm on a sugar-apple-pie-high, so I decided to start a funny ficckeldy dicckeldy… wait a sec, that doesn't sound right… . Yeah, the title's a rip off/parody of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, but do ya thinks I gives a damns? ::hiccup:: READ!
Episode II: Attack of the Evil Mary Sues
A beautiful, curvy, blonde girl that Harry had never seen in his life stepped through the portrait-hole. Her eyes were a sparkling ice-blue, not far from Draco Malfoy's color.
"Hello, Harry. Can I tempt you?"
Harry's jaw dropped open, not believing his ears.
"With some blueberry muffins my grandmother sent me?"
Oh, Harry thought. And I really thought I might have had something there…
"Why not? I like blueberries, I like muffins." Harry took one and began to eat.
The blonde began laughing maliciously, evil brimming in her eyes.
Harry grasped his throat, trying his damnedest to breathe, but had no success. He passed out.
"Never take food from strangers," the blonde laughed, stuffing another poisonous muffin in Harry's mouth. "Bon appetit." She whirled around and left, an evil grin surfacing on her deceivingly innocent features.
*
Harry awoke with a start. He was drenched in cold sweat. Was the nightmare a premonition? He was so tired though… it could wait until tomorrow morning. He turned over and fell asleep.
By morning he had forgotten he'd even had a dream.
*
Stomachs rumbling, Harry, Hermione, and Ron walked to the great hall for breakfast. They had all settled down and begun to eat when Harry saw a group of five new girls huddled at the end of the Gryffindor table. He nearly spilled his orange juice. He knew he'd seen the blonde somewhere, but he couldn't pinpoint where exactly.
"Hey," Harry nudged his best friends, then nodded his head toward the clique of thin, beautiful girls. "When did they get here?"
Hermione swallowed a mouthful of her Belgian waffle. "Foreign exchange students from The States. McGonagall had me show them around the school. Complete airheads if you ask me. The blonde one's a bit creepy though. Stop staring, Ron."
Ron was all but drooling. "She's not creepy… she's… hot…"
Hermione slapped her boyfriend and stormed out, leaving half of her waffle to get cold.
"Not smart, man," Harry laughed at Ron's shocked face (which now had a very red hand mark on the right cheek). "Not smart."
*
In transfiguration class, Harry could not focus. Two of the new girls were sitting in front of him—one the blonde that Hermione had deemed 'creepy', the other a thin, tan girl with flowing brown hair that cascaded all the way down to her waist.
"Potter!" McGonagall barked. "Pay attention!"
Harry snapped out of his daze. "Sorry, Professor."
"I don't suppose you can tell me how to turn your desk into a calf, Mr. Potter?"
"No, ma'am," Harry mumbled.
McGonagall rapped a meter stick on his desk. "Then I suggest that you pay attention, or we could have a raging bull on our hands instead."
"Yes, Professor."
McGonagall gave him a funny glare, but returned to the head of the classroom. Harry was actually with her for about ten minutes, so he did get the spell in his head, but missed the safety measures when the blonde turned.
"May I borrow some ink? I seem to be out," she said in a tone like bells. She fluttered her eyelashes.
"Uh... guh… sure…" Harry fumbled around, trying to find some extra ink, nearly knocking over his open inkwell. He pulled an extra from his bag and handed it to her.
"Thank you… Harry Potter?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah... I take it you were actually listening to McGonagall and heard her say Potter? Because I thought I combed my hair so nobody could see my scar…"
"McGonagall," she answered. "Thank you for the ink." She fluttered her eyelashes again, tucked her hair behind her ear, and flashed her pearly white teeth. "I'm Meredith Sewell."
Harry smiled a 'nice to meet you' back before—smack—McGonagall had slapped the meter stick on Meredith's desk, and—thwack—on Harry's for the second time.
"Gossiping is for the halls and houses, not classrooms, and especially not my classroom. Mr. Potter, I asked you to pay attention once before. My tolerance is running low. Three points from Gryffindor. If you do not shut your mouth you will be getting a detention!"
Harry didn't see the smirk on Meredith's face. He only felt the painful flick Hermione granted him on the back of his head.
Though no one realized it, the attack had begun.
*