After work later, he headed to the Magic Shop. Anya took one look at him, and then with an audible huff, turned around to face the shelves behind her. She started making a big show of dusting the items there.
Xander came up to the register, and said, "Anya, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."
The only response was a visible stiffening of the shoulders, and an unspoken, 'But you did.'
He then sadly walked away. Meanwhile, Giles descended from the loft upstairs.
"Xander?" He asked, and then noticed Anya's reaction. "Oh, I see."
Xander replied, "No, you don't. Giles, I need to ask you something."
Giles nodded, and gestured to the back room. The two walked along quietly until they were inside the converted dojo.
"Well, what is it?" He asked, and then added, "Every couple always has disagreements, but they overcome them. Well, sometimes." A pained expression briefly crossed his face as he remembered his own disagreements with Jenny. It had been years since her murder, but the wound still wasn't healed. It probably never would completely.
"Not like this," Xander said. He sighed, and sat down in a folding chair nearby. "It's kind of complicated. I love her, but she thinks I love someone else more. And I don't know. Maybe she's right."
"There's another woman? Xander, are you suggesting that you've been seeing other women?" Giles frowned. He knew the young man had a habit of letting his hormones rule, but he had thought Xander had matured beyond that.
He shook his head, "No, of course not. I love Anya. But I…" He then said, "I blame Homecoming." He then added, "No, that was the time of the Fluke, but it didn't start there." He glanced up at Giles, and the older man was surprised by the serious expression on his normally jovial face.
Xander then went on, "I can still remember when we went to the hospital after trying that soul restoration spell. I couldn't even remember my arm hurting me. All I knew was my best friend was dying, and I was wishing that it was me instead. The second I could, I went to her room, and sat beside her. Her hand seemed so delicate and cold, I thought I might break it if I gripped it too hard. And seeing her lying there so still scared me. She was dying, and it felt like I was dying with her. I started talking, hoping that she'd still hear me, and tell me to shut up, or something." He gave a small, cynical laugh, and then continued, "I started talking about how we'd always call each other, and she'd always help me with my homework. So good, and supportive. And she never asked for anything back. Then, I realized that my life just wasn't worth living without her. I can't, we've always been there for each other. Always my Willow, bestest buds, only that was only part of it. She's my other half, my better half. I needed her. I love her." He got up angrily, and started walking around, "Then, she wakes up, and yells for Oz. And suddenly I was too late. I waited too long, and he took my place. She chose him. But he made her happy and confident, something I never could do. Better to let him have her, right?" He looked back at Giles, and said, "After all, Will should have the best, and that's never been me."
Giles was stunned. He had heard a bit after the fallout the pair had with their significant others. But he had no idea their feelings extended this far. He also remembered some of the looks Willow had given Xander before she met Oz. Giles had thought it was merely a innocent schoolgirl's crush, and Xander was too oblivious to notice. He quietly said, "But she had wanted you first."
Xander nodded, "I know. I didn't know it then, how could I? We knew each other since we were kids, and I still saw her as one. I didn't know she had grown up. I was still a kid myself, had no idea. I only grew up recently."
"Yes, well, considering you wanted to marry Anya. I would say that is a very mature step."
"Is it? Cuz now I'm thinking I just said it because I was afraid of being alone. She was the first person to admit that she needed me. It's always been me needing people, not the other way around."
Giles nodded. He had suspected something was off in Xander's family. Xander had made attempts to joke it off, but there seem to be very little love in the Harris household. He noticed how the young man latched onto him as a much-needed father figure. He had to admit, the Giles household wasn't all that different. Only his own father had pressured him into the Watchers, like he had no other choice in the matter. Nothing less than perfection in the Giles family. It was enough to make anyone want to take the first autobus somewhere else.
Giles then replied, "Xander, I can't tell you what is right or wrong in a case like this. You have to decide for yourself. Who is in your heart?"
*W… Anya, Wanya? Oh admit it, Harris. Part of you found her annoying, with her obsessions with sex and money. I mean, hello, can we change the CD already? Part of her is nice, really nice. But that's not the same as love, is it? And there was somebody there already. Somebody who never went away.* "Willow," he quietly replied.
"Then, you have to tell her."
"Right now, she doesn't even trust me. I mean, this whole past life deal, and by the way, why a woman?" Xander then demanded, his hands gesturing wildly. "I mean, ok, I can have fun with my… um… feet all day, but I kind of like the whole guy package deal more."
Giles shrugged, "There's thousands of theories behind past lives, most referring to karma; in that in each life we must learn something to move on spiritually."
"Learning? As in school? No wonder my life sucks."
"Not lessons in that sense, more learning through a lifetime of experience, and passing that on into the next life."
"So, my lesson in this life is to be a guy? Cuz I thought I had that covered."
"More like a change of perspective." Giles straightened his glasses, "Now, what did you need to ask me?"
"What do you know about séances? I need to contact someone, and I don't think ghosts use cellphones and beepers."
Xander came up to the register, and said, "Anya, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."
The only response was a visible stiffening of the shoulders, and an unspoken, 'But you did.'
He then sadly walked away. Meanwhile, Giles descended from the loft upstairs.
"Xander?" He asked, and then noticed Anya's reaction. "Oh, I see."
Xander replied, "No, you don't. Giles, I need to ask you something."
Giles nodded, and gestured to the back room. The two walked along quietly until they were inside the converted dojo.
"Well, what is it?" He asked, and then added, "Every couple always has disagreements, but they overcome them. Well, sometimes." A pained expression briefly crossed his face as he remembered his own disagreements with Jenny. It had been years since her murder, but the wound still wasn't healed. It probably never would completely.
"Not like this," Xander said. He sighed, and sat down in a folding chair nearby. "It's kind of complicated. I love her, but she thinks I love someone else more. And I don't know. Maybe she's right."
"There's another woman? Xander, are you suggesting that you've been seeing other women?" Giles frowned. He knew the young man had a habit of letting his hormones rule, but he had thought Xander had matured beyond that.
He shook his head, "No, of course not. I love Anya. But I…" He then said, "I blame Homecoming." He then added, "No, that was the time of the Fluke, but it didn't start there." He glanced up at Giles, and the older man was surprised by the serious expression on his normally jovial face.
Xander then went on, "I can still remember when we went to the hospital after trying that soul restoration spell. I couldn't even remember my arm hurting me. All I knew was my best friend was dying, and I was wishing that it was me instead. The second I could, I went to her room, and sat beside her. Her hand seemed so delicate and cold, I thought I might break it if I gripped it too hard. And seeing her lying there so still scared me. She was dying, and it felt like I was dying with her. I started talking, hoping that she'd still hear me, and tell me to shut up, or something." He gave a small, cynical laugh, and then continued, "I started talking about how we'd always call each other, and she'd always help me with my homework. So good, and supportive. And she never asked for anything back. Then, I realized that my life just wasn't worth living without her. I can't, we've always been there for each other. Always my Willow, bestest buds, only that was only part of it. She's my other half, my better half. I needed her. I love her." He got up angrily, and started walking around, "Then, she wakes up, and yells for Oz. And suddenly I was too late. I waited too long, and he took my place. She chose him. But he made her happy and confident, something I never could do. Better to let him have her, right?" He looked back at Giles, and said, "After all, Will should have the best, and that's never been me."
Giles was stunned. He had heard a bit after the fallout the pair had with their significant others. But he had no idea their feelings extended this far. He also remembered some of the looks Willow had given Xander before she met Oz. Giles had thought it was merely a innocent schoolgirl's crush, and Xander was too oblivious to notice. He quietly said, "But she had wanted you first."
Xander nodded, "I know. I didn't know it then, how could I? We knew each other since we were kids, and I still saw her as one. I didn't know she had grown up. I was still a kid myself, had no idea. I only grew up recently."
"Yes, well, considering you wanted to marry Anya. I would say that is a very mature step."
"Is it? Cuz now I'm thinking I just said it because I was afraid of being alone. She was the first person to admit that she needed me. It's always been me needing people, not the other way around."
Giles nodded. He had suspected something was off in Xander's family. Xander had made attempts to joke it off, but there seem to be very little love in the Harris household. He noticed how the young man latched onto him as a much-needed father figure. He had to admit, the Giles household wasn't all that different. Only his own father had pressured him into the Watchers, like he had no other choice in the matter. Nothing less than perfection in the Giles family. It was enough to make anyone want to take the first autobus somewhere else.
Giles then replied, "Xander, I can't tell you what is right or wrong in a case like this. You have to decide for yourself. Who is in your heart?"
*W… Anya, Wanya? Oh admit it, Harris. Part of you found her annoying, with her obsessions with sex and money. I mean, hello, can we change the CD already? Part of her is nice, really nice. But that's not the same as love, is it? And there was somebody there already. Somebody who never went away.* "Willow," he quietly replied.
"Then, you have to tell her."
"Right now, she doesn't even trust me. I mean, this whole past life deal, and by the way, why a woman?" Xander then demanded, his hands gesturing wildly. "I mean, ok, I can have fun with my… um… feet all day, but I kind of like the whole guy package deal more."
Giles shrugged, "There's thousands of theories behind past lives, most referring to karma; in that in each life we must learn something to move on spiritually."
"Learning? As in school? No wonder my life sucks."
"Not lessons in that sense, more learning through a lifetime of experience, and passing that on into the next life."
"So, my lesson in this life is to be a guy? Cuz I thought I had that covered."
"More like a change of perspective." Giles straightened his glasses, "Now, what did you need to ask me?"
"What do you know about séances? I need to contact someone, and I don't think ghosts use cellphones and beepers."