(Section 6)
-The front lobby of Possum Lodge. Red and Harold are setting up to shoot the Red Green Show. Red is reviewing the segments that he will be shooting in this episode. Harold is adjusting cameras, checking angles and lighting, and clearing the shooting area. On the other side of the lobby, Fred is doing precisely the same thing. He is moving cameras and posing in front of them in dramatic posture. He also keeps changing the light level to a darker tone. Harold brightens the lights again. Fred darkens the lights, and Harold brightens them. Fred and Harold glare menacingly at each other, and charge each other like they were on Jerry Springer. Right before they collide, they stop suddenly and begin to slap each other like limp-wristed girls. This display continues on for several minutes. Loki glances over at Stone, who responds with a look that plainly says, "I'm not touching this." Ten seconds later, both Fred and Harold collapse to the floor exhausted. -
S: All right, gentlemen. That's enough. It seems there is a conflict of interest here. Can some sort of compromise be found?
F: (Leaping to his feet) Yes! I'll go first! (He races over to the lights, darkens them, leaps in front of Red and inflates his chest in a powerful dramatic pose) So, Mister Green! I've heard that you have a ghost around this haunted abandoned lodge! The Phlantibulous Phantom! Oh fiddlesticks! I flubbed the line! Everybody back to places! We're going to reshoot! Take two!
-No one moves. They are all staring at Fred in confusion-
R: Um………Fred, did you mean the Phlatulent Phantom?
F: Of course.
R: Uh huh. The Phantom hasn't been around here in years. It was me. It involved a late-night trip to the outhouse, a badly timed cigarette, and a heavy Mexican dinner. I've sworn off smoking since.
H: Yes, the Northern Lights were something special that year.
R: As luck would have it, some real estate contractors were coming the next morning to attempt to swindle us out of the swamp land. When I came lurching out that outhouse, I was glowing with radiation, and all the oxygen around me was igniting. Made a pretty nasty display, and they bolted and never came back.
L: That all sounds like a heap of fun, and………did you say someone actually wanted to buy this land?
F: Yes indeed! It's all right here in this newspaper clipping from 1998! "Phlatulent Phantom foils developing plot!" I………(crumples clipping and puts it back in his pocket) have no idea what you're talking about.
S: I knew it.
R: Fred, if you want a job on the show, Harold's already running things.
F: I wouldn't want executive producer on this third-rate shoddy excuse for public access!
H: But wait! There have been recent sightings of the Phlatulent Phantom around the Lodge! I have three witnesses who have seen the monstrous figure who Uncle Red himself has admitted to being! (Clearing his throat to prepare for a compelling oratory) The creature came upon me as I was innocently and completely unobtrusively sitting by the swamp consuming the picnic lunch I had prepared for an enchanting afternoon at Possum Swamp. Before I was able to begin my highly nutritious and still delightfully flavored tuna fish and honey mustard sandwich, I heard the approaching sounds of flatulence behind me. When I turned to view what happy and curious form of wildlife could be making such a ruckus, I saw a horrible skeletal creature that glowed yellow with a sickening vibrance, and it growled at me with a gravely tone that could be managed by only one person in this immediate area! But that was not the only accosting that occurred that day! Arnie Doson! What did you see?
-Arnie says nothing-
H: Arnie?
-Nothing-
H: We're on page three.
A: OH!
-He pulls a script from his back pocket and begins to read-
A: The………f………f………what's that word?
H: Phlatulent.
A: Flabbufent Phantom was l………what's that?
H: Lurking.
A: Lumping around the lodge were I was working on the shingles at high noon. It c………
H: Climbed.
A: Clawed up on to the roof behind me, and pushed me off! It was t………t………
H: Then.
A: Thempt that I saw that it had a grey beard. How was that, Fearless Warlord?
H: Don't call me that in public!
R: I find that accusation to be a complete load of horse shit!
H: Do you deny your involvement in Arnie's injuries, Uncle Red?
R: No, I deny that Arnie needs help to fall off a roof!
H: Curses! I mean, um, let's move on. Winston Rothschild III! What was your harrowing experience?
W: Just when the sun had reached the top of the sky, I was driving up the road to the lodge with a full load of sewage in the kiddie pool in the back of my car. I had nearly reached the lodge when the Phantom leapt out in front of me. I had no choose to swerve to avoid him, and nearly hit a tree. Lord knows I wasn't about to hit the brakes. It wad thum da E hitteif………(Puts on a pair of glasses) Fearless Warlord, I can't read the que card. Bring it closer.
-Everyone looks over at Harold, who is holding giant que cards-
H: And lastly, we have Edgar Montrose!
E: Hi everybody.
H: Now, Edgar. Just tell everyone what happened to you while keeping your eyes on the teleprompter, I mean the TV set behind me!
E: So right at Noon I was laying some dynamite down in the quarry. You ever notice that there's never enough powder in a stick of dynamite? Even if you want to blast out a gopher, it always ten or twenty sticks to get the desired effect. You know if Caddyshack, when the groundskeeper stuck the dynamite down the hole to get that gopher, he'd never get that big a boom. Why when I need to………
H: Edgar!
E: What?
H: The script…………please.
E: Oh yeah. So, I'm down in the quarry, laying the charges, and there's this one rock that won't budge. That's so common. There's always that one that won't go. So you think you've brought enough charges for the whole place, but you end up using half your sticks on one rock. That's when you break out the napalm you had stored up since 'Nam……….
L: Hmmm………an explosives guy. Maybe we should do business. (He looks down at how many fingers Edgar has) Maybe not.
E: Oh, Fearless Warlord, can I be excused from the Brotherhood of Evil's dubious activities for the afternoon? My wife and kid want to see Dances with Wolves again. They love that Native. He should have won the Oscar.
H: Edgar. It's not the Brotherhood of Evil. It's the Brotherhood of Eeeeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiil!!!
E: Right. So can I go?
H: Yes.
S: So, Harold?
H: Yes, Mr. Stone?
S: When did all these things occur?
H: Yesterday.
S: And everything at noon, in different places.
-Stone produces a pair of handcuffs-
S: This has gone on long enough.
L: Wait! No!
S: What?
L: Ummm………
Sh: Mr. Stone! If you arrest them now, you'll only have them on a couple of minor charges. They may plea bargain themselves out of this. If you wait, they will expose more of their operation. More charges will mean a greater chance of conviction.
S: Why, You're right, Mr. Rogers. That's brilliant. I apologize. I was far too hasty. I defer to your greater experience. I'm going to speak with Mr. Green and see if I can arrange a formal investigation of the property. The man who showed me everything I know would never have been so rash.
-As Stone leaves, Loki and grinning at Shaggy-
L: Shag! That was brilliant! I knew if he arrested Harold now, we'd never find the weed, but I couldn't think of any excuses! I could never have thought of something that good!
Sh: Actually, I wasn't thinking about the weed. I was concerned with doing the right thing.
-POW! Loki slaps him-
L: What is wrong with you?!
Sh: I don't know. Whenever he's around, the air seems to clear, and birds start to sing, and all I can think about baseball, apple pie, and Chevrolet. He just epitomizes the American Way!
-POW! Loki slaps him again-
L: First thing, Shag, we're in Canada. Secondly, I'm not American, and neither is me. He's British, for Dagdha's sake! Why do you think he's sounds like Anthony Hopkins when he talks? One time, we had dinner, and he served liver with farfer beans and nice Chianti! I didn't sleep for weeks after that!
Sc: Ret's go ray rith Rister Rone!
L: That's not a bad idea. You two should stay on Stone's tail, and make sure that he doesn't stumble onto anything too soon. Speaking of that, I'm deeply disturbed.
Sh: What about?
L: That Stone had a mentor. Someone actually TAUGHT him to be that way? I have to find this guy and hurt him. A lot. In the meantime, stay on Stone.
Sh: Will do.
-Shaggy and Scooby join Stone with Red at the bar. Daphne slinks into the lobby from wherever she was. She notices Loki in the corner. A fiery passion blazes in her eyes, and she goes to join him-
D: Hey there, sexy.
L: Huh? DAPHNE?
D: Yeah, it's me. How you doin'?
L: I'm just fine. Shouldn't you be fawning over Stone?
S: You know, Loki. You two do look an awful lot alike. I could mistake you for him quite easily.
L: Really?
D: Except that you're a brunette, and he's blonde.
L: Yeah.
D: And he's a little taller than you.
L: That's true.
D: And a little broader in the shoulders.
L: Uh huh………
D: And he's much better looking than you.
L: WHAT! How can he look just like me when he's better looking then me?
D: I don't know. He just does. But I don't care right now I want you.
L: Daphne, I've never seen you like this. Please don't stop.
D: I won't.
-She begins to trace her fingernail across Loki's bottom lip, along his jawline, along his ear.
L: guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh.
-Her hands are moving over his face, into his hair. Loki's knees are weakening-
D: You know what I'm doing to do next?
L: huh?
D: Just what I thought you and Velma were going to do years ago. The way you two always were cutting each other down, I thought you'd either end up at each other's throats, or in the sack together.
L: As much as I liked sparring with Velma, the Pillsbury Dough Girl never appealed to me.
D: You haven't seen her after years of continuous running.
L: What?
F: Daphne! There you are! I need you for this next shot!
D: Fuck off, Fred, I'm busy.
F: UH!
-He storms off in a huff-
D: I hate him. He's ruined me every chance I get to do something with my talent.
L: Talent?
D: My acting talent. I've auditioned for Survivor, Big Brother, Real World, even Another World. Every time, I get turned down. I know he's got something to do with it.
F: Daphne!
D: What now?
F: I have something.
D: Can't you ever fuck off?
-Fred is holding a malt-
D: You son of a bitch.
-Daphne downs the malt in a single gulp, and like a starving child with an ice cream cone, licks and sucks the straw dry. Loki is watching captivated-
D: ohhh………Hi Martian Man!
F: Come along, Daphne.
L: I thought you'd come up with every way possible to piss me off, Fred. You've dug yourself even lower now. I'm almost impressed.
-Fred runs off with the limp mumbling Daphne in tow. Loki bends down and picks up the malt glass. He traces his finger along the edge, and collects a fine powder. He tastes it-
L: Prozac.
- Fred and Daphne run past Harold, who is pouting on a barstool-
Da: Fearless Warlord?
H: Don't call me that, Dalton! I want to be called the Crimson Mastermind!
Da: Okay, Fearless Crimson Mastermind. I was supposed to report any new developments.
H: And?
Da: The betting pool is taking off very well.
H: Ah yes, the footage of Gord and Velma being sold on the Internet. What is the status?
Da: We're getting 500 hits an hour.
H: That's all?
Da: We are charging ten dollars a minute.
H: True. How is the pool?
Da: We made a bet of who will break first. 60% say Gord, 30% say Velma, and 9% sat the bed.
H: What about the remaining 1%?
Da: The floor.
H: Excellent.
F: Velma? Where is Velma?
H: What do need Velma for?
F: I must have her to complete the group. I need a non-attractive brainy abrasive person to make intellectual comments and make my cunning and witty demeanor seem that much more likable by comparison.
L: I don't remember Anne Robinson ever going on adventures with us!
H: Oh shit! If Fred takes Velma away from Gord, my money-making scheme is over! Fred!
F: What?
H: Are you sure you really need Velma for your show?
F: Of course I do!
H: If you need an intelligent, perceptive person to add scholastic flair, I'm available!
F: No, I just don't think it would be the same.
H: Do REALLY need Velma that badly?
F: I suppose I could say all the intellectual lines myself. But I must have Velma for the long shots!
H: Then you don't really need her? Just someone that resembles her?
F: I suppose so, but I won't start until I get my Velma!
H: If he doesn't start shooting, he'll be in my way at every turn! I have to get him to start right now! Ug, the things I do for EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!
-Harold runs upstairs-
R: So, Mr. Stone, are you sure you don't want to be on my show?
S: Really, Mr. Green, I have other things I have to do.
L: Stone, you really should do the show.
S: Why's that, Loki?
L: Harold's the director, and the producer. He'll be at every scene, every step of the way. You could keep a close on him that way.
S: That's a good idea. Great thinking, Loki.
L: Anytime.
Sc: Rhat rare ro roing?
L: If Stone is held up on shooting, he won't be able to get in our way while we find the weed.
F: Stone's doing Red's show? Why not mine?
S: I've seen your show, Mr. Jones.
Sh: I still don't get this. Fred was always filming wherever we went. I don't know what for.
L: It was like he the love child of Cecil B. De Mille and Stephen Spielberg. He always had a camera in our faces. Except the time I played proctologist with it. He couldn't run very well for a while after that.
-Harold stumbles in through the back door . He is wearing Velma's clothes-
Da: Crimson Mastermind! What are you doing?
H: I went into Gord and Velma's room to steal Velma's clothes. Before I could get them, she threw me through the window like a shot put. I went through the window of the Mystery Machine, and found myself laying on a pile of clothes. There were fifty identical outfits of everyone's clothing. I just took a Velma suit and came back.
Da: What now, Crimson Mastermind?
H: Plant the red herrings, I mean clues, Dalton. It's time to film.
SO NOW IT TRULY BEGINS. FRED AND RED AND A GUY NAMED TED………OKAY THAT'S GETTING SILLY. THE RED GREEN SHOW IS BEGINNING AND FRED'S MYSTERIOUS SHOW WILL NOW START. WHAT HIJINKS COULD ARISE FROM THIS ZANY PREDICAMENT? WILL LOKI FIND THE HASH? WILL STONE FIND THAT HE ACTUALLY LIKES THE LIMELIGHT? WILL HAROLD GET A LITTLE TOO COMFORTABLE IN THAT SKIRT? AND JUST WHAT IS JUNCTERISTIPHOBIA ANAYWAY? FIND OUT IN OUR NEXT INSTALLMENT, SAME SCOOBY- TIME, SAME SCOOBY-CHANNEL. AND READ A DICTIONARY!
-The front lobby of Possum Lodge. Red and Harold are setting up to shoot the Red Green Show. Red is reviewing the segments that he will be shooting in this episode. Harold is adjusting cameras, checking angles and lighting, and clearing the shooting area. On the other side of the lobby, Fred is doing precisely the same thing. He is moving cameras and posing in front of them in dramatic posture. He also keeps changing the light level to a darker tone. Harold brightens the lights again. Fred darkens the lights, and Harold brightens them. Fred and Harold glare menacingly at each other, and charge each other like they were on Jerry Springer. Right before they collide, they stop suddenly and begin to slap each other like limp-wristed girls. This display continues on for several minutes. Loki glances over at Stone, who responds with a look that plainly says, "I'm not touching this." Ten seconds later, both Fred and Harold collapse to the floor exhausted. -
S: All right, gentlemen. That's enough. It seems there is a conflict of interest here. Can some sort of compromise be found?
F: (Leaping to his feet) Yes! I'll go first! (He races over to the lights, darkens them, leaps in front of Red and inflates his chest in a powerful dramatic pose) So, Mister Green! I've heard that you have a ghost around this haunted abandoned lodge! The Phlantibulous Phantom! Oh fiddlesticks! I flubbed the line! Everybody back to places! We're going to reshoot! Take two!
-No one moves. They are all staring at Fred in confusion-
R: Um………Fred, did you mean the Phlatulent Phantom?
F: Of course.
R: Uh huh. The Phantom hasn't been around here in years. It was me. It involved a late-night trip to the outhouse, a badly timed cigarette, and a heavy Mexican dinner. I've sworn off smoking since.
H: Yes, the Northern Lights were something special that year.
R: As luck would have it, some real estate contractors were coming the next morning to attempt to swindle us out of the swamp land. When I came lurching out that outhouse, I was glowing with radiation, and all the oxygen around me was igniting. Made a pretty nasty display, and they bolted and never came back.
L: That all sounds like a heap of fun, and………did you say someone actually wanted to buy this land?
F: Yes indeed! It's all right here in this newspaper clipping from 1998! "Phlatulent Phantom foils developing plot!" I………(crumples clipping and puts it back in his pocket) have no idea what you're talking about.
S: I knew it.
R: Fred, if you want a job on the show, Harold's already running things.
F: I wouldn't want executive producer on this third-rate shoddy excuse for public access!
H: But wait! There have been recent sightings of the Phlatulent Phantom around the Lodge! I have three witnesses who have seen the monstrous figure who Uncle Red himself has admitted to being! (Clearing his throat to prepare for a compelling oratory) The creature came upon me as I was innocently and completely unobtrusively sitting by the swamp consuming the picnic lunch I had prepared for an enchanting afternoon at Possum Swamp. Before I was able to begin my highly nutritious and still delightfully flavored tuna fish and honey mustard sandwich, I heard the approaching sounds of flatulence behind me. When I turned to view what happy and curious form of wildlife could be making such a ruckus, I saw a horrible skeletal creature that glowed yellow with a sickening vibrance, and it growled at me with a gravely tone that could be managed by only one person in this immediate area! But that was not the only accosting that occurred that day! Arnie Doson! What did you see?
-Arnie says nothing-
H: Arnie?
-Nothing-
H: We're on page three.
A: OH!
-He pulls a script from his back pocket and begins to read-
A: The………f………f………what's that word?
H: Phlatulent.
A: Flabbufent Phantom was l………what's that?
H: Lurking.
A: Lumping around the lodge were I was working on the shingles at high noon. It c………
H: Climbed.
A: Clawed up on to the roof behind me, and pushed me off! It was t………t………
H: Then.
A: Thempt that I saw that it had a grey beard. How was that, Fearless Warlord?
H: Don't call me that in public!
R: I find that accusation to be a complete load of horse shit!
H: Do you deny your involvement in Arnie's injuries, Uncle Red?
R: No, I deny that Arnie needs help to fall off a roof!
H: Curses! I mean, um, let's move on. Winston Rothschild III! What was your harrowing experience?
W: Just when the sun had reached the top of the sky, I was driving up the road to the lodge with a full load of sewage in the kiddie pool in the back of my car. I had nearly reached the lodge when the Phantom leapt out in front of me. I had no choose to swerve to avoid him, and nearly hit a tree. Lord knows I wasn't about to hit the brakes. It wad thum da E hitteif………(Puts on a pair of glasses) Fearless Warlord, I can't read the que card. Bring it closer.
-Everyone looks over at Harold, who is holding giant que cards-
H: And lastly, we have Edgar Montrose!
E: Hi everybody.
H: Now, Edgar. Just tell everyone what happened to you while keeping your eyes on the teleprompter, I mean the TV set behind me!
E: So right at Noon I was laying some dynamite down in the quarry. You ever notice that there's never enough powder in a stick of dynamite? Even if you want to blast out a gopher, it always ten or twenty sticks to get the desired effect. You know if Caddyshack, when the groundskeeper stuck the dynamite down the hole to get that gopher, he'd never get that big a boom. Why when I need to………
H: Edgar!
E: What?
H: The script…………please.
E: Oh yeah. So, I'm down in the quarry, laying the charges, and there's this one rock that won't budge. That's so common. There's always that one that won't go. So you think you've brought enough charges for the whole place, but you end up using half your sticks on one rock. That's when you break out the napalm you had stored up since 'Nam……….
L: Hmmm………an explosives guy. Maybe we should do business. (He looks down at how many fingers Edgar has) Maybe not.
E: Oh, Fearless Warlord, can I be excused from the Brotherhood of Evil's dubious activities for the afternoon? My wife and kid want to see Dances with Wolves again. They love that Native. He should have won the Oscar.
H: Edgar. It's not the Brotherhood of Evil. It's the Brotherhood of Eeeeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiil!!!
E: Right. So can I go?
H: Yes.
S: So, Harold?
H: Yes, Mr. Stone?
S: When did all these things occur?
H: Yesterday.
S: And everything at noon, in different places.
-Stone produces a pair of handcuffs-
S: This has gone on long enough.
L: Wait! No!
S: What?
L: Ummm………
Sh: Mr. Stone! If you arrest them now, you'll only have them on a couple of minor charges. They may plea bargain themselves out of this. If you wait, they will expose more of their operation. More charges will mean a greater chance of conviction.
S: Why, You're right, Mr. Rogers. That's brilliant. I apologize. I was far too hasty. I defer to your greater experience. I'm going to speak with Mr. Green and see if I can arrange a formal investigation of the property. The man who showed me everything I know would never have been so rash.
-As Stone leaves, Loki and grinning at Shaggy-
L: Shag! That was brilliant! I knew if he arrested Harold now, we'd never find the weed, but I couldn't think of any excuses! I could never have thought of something that good!
Sh: Actually, I wasn't thinking about the weed. I was concerned with doing the right thing.
-POW! Loki slaps him-
L: What is wrong with you?!
Sh: I don't know. Whenever he's around, the air seems to clear, and birds start to sing, and all I can think about baseball, apple pie, and Chevrolet. He just epitomizes the American Way!
-POW! Loki slaps him again-
L: First thing, Shag, we're in Canada. Secondly, I'm not American, and neither is me. He's British, for Dagdha's sake! Why do you think he's sounds like Anthony Hopkins when he talks? One time, we had dinner, and he served liver with farfer beans and nice Chianti! I didn't sleep for weeks after that!
Sc: Ret's go ray rith Rister Rone!
L: That's not a bad idea. You two should stay on Stone's tail, and make sure that he doesn't stumble onto anything too soon. Speaking of that, I'm deeply disturbed.
Sh: What about?
L: That Stone had a mentor. Someone actually TAUGHT him to be that way? I have to find this guy and hurt him. A lot. In the meantime, stay on Stone.
Sh: Will do.
-Shaggy and Scooby join Stone with Red at the bar. Daphne slinks into the lobby from wherever she was. She notices Loki in the corner. A fiery passion blazes in her eyes, and she goes to join him-
D: Hey there, sexy.
L: Huh? DAPHNE?
D: Yeah, it's me. How you doin'?
L: I'm just fine. Shouldn't you be fawning over Stone?
S: You know, Loki. You two do look an awful lot alike. I could mistake you for him quite easily.
L: Really?
D: Except that you're a brunette, and he's blonde.
L: Yeah.
D: And he's a little taller than you.
L: That's true.
D: And a little broader in the shoulders.
L: Uh huh………
D: And he's much better looking than you.
L: WHAT! How can he look just like me when he's better looking then me?
D: I don't know. He just does. But I don't care right now I want you.
L: Daphne, I've never seen you like this. Please don't stop.
D: I won't.
-She begins to trace her fingernail across Loki's bottom lip, along his jawline, along his ear.
L: guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh.
-Her hands are moving over his face, into his hair. Loki's knees are weakening-
D: You know what I'm doing to do next?
L: huh?
D: Just what I thought you and Velma were going to do years ago. The way you two always were cutting each other down, I thought you'd either end up at each other's throats, or in the sack together.
L: As much as I liked sparring with Velma, the Pillsbury Dough Girl never appealed to me.
D: You haven't seen her after years of continuous running.
L: What?
F: Daphne! There you are! I need you for this next shot!
D: Fuck off, Fred, I'm busy.
F: UH!
-He storms off in a huff-
D: I hate him. He's ruined me every chance I get to do something with my talent.
L: Talent?
D: My acting talent. I've auditioned for Survivor, Big Brother, Real World, even Another World. Every time, I get turned down. I know he's got something to do with it.
F: Daphne!
D: What now?
F: I have something.
D: Can't you ever fuck off?
-Fred is holding a malt-
D: You son of a bitch.
-Daphne downs the malt in a single gulp, and like a starving child with an ice cream cone, licks and sucks the straw dry. Loki is watching captivated-
D: ohhh………Hi Martian Man!
F: Come along, Daphne.
L: I thought you'd come up with every way possible to piss me off, Fred. You've dug yourself even lower now. I'm almost impressed.
-Fred runs off with the limp mumbling Daphne in tow. Loki bends down and picks up the malt glass. He traces his finger along the edge, and collects a fine powder. He tastes it-
L: Prozac.
- Fred and Daphne run past Harold, who is pouting on a barstool-
Da: Fearless Warlord?
H: Don't call me that, Dalton! I want to be called the Crimson Mastermind!
Da: Okay, Fearless Crimson Mastermind. I was supposed to report any new developments.
H: And?
Da: The betting pool is taking off very well.
H: Ah yes, the footage of Gord and Velma being sold on the Internet. What is the status?
Da: We're getting 500 hits an hour.
H: That's all?
Da: We are charging ten dollars a minute.
H: True. How is the pool?
Da: We made a bet of who will break first. 60% say Gord, 30% say Velma, and 9% sat the bed.
H: What about the remaining 1%?
Da: The floor.
H: Excellent.
F: Velma? Where is Velma?
H: What do need Velma for?
F: I must have her to complete the group. I need a non-attractive brainy abrasive person to make intellectual comments and make my cunning and witty demeanor seem that much more likable by comparison.
L: I don't remember Anne Robinson ever going on adventures with us!
H: Oh shit! If Fred takes Velma away from Gord, my money-making scheme is over! Fred!
F: What?
H: Are you sure you really need Velma for your show?
F: Of course I do!
H: If you need an intelligent, perceptive person to add scholastic flair, I'm available!
F: No, I just don't think it would be the same.
H: Do REALLY need Velma that badly?
F: I suppose I could say all the intellectual lines myself. But I must have Velma for the long shots!
H: Then you don't really need her? Just someone that resembles her?
F: I suppose so, but I won't start until I get my Velma!
H: If he doesn't start shooting, he'll be in my way at every turn! I have to get him to start right now! Ug, the things I do for EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!
-Harold runs upstairs-
R: So, Mr. Stone, are you sure you don't want to be on my show?
S: Really, Mr. Green, I have other things I have to do.
L: Stone, you really should do the show.
S: Why's that, Loki?
L: Harold's the director, and the producer. He'll be at every scene, every step of the way. You could keep a close on him that way.
S: That's a good idea. Great thinking, Loki.
L: Anytime.
Sc: Rhat rare ro roing?
L: If Stone is held up on shooting, he won't be able to get in our way while we find the weed.
F: Stone's doing Red's show? Why not mine?
S: I've seen your show, Mr. Jones.
Sh: I still don't get this. Fred was always filming wherever we went. I don't know what for.
L: It was like he the love child of Cecil B. De Mille and Stephen Spielberg. He always had a camera in our faces. Except the time I played proctologist with it. He couldn't run very well for a while after that.
-Harold stumbles in through the back door . He is wearing Velma's clothes-
Da: Crimson Mastermind! What are you doing?
H: I went into Gord and Velma's room to steal Velma's clothes. Before I could get them, she threw me through the window like a shot put. I went through the window of the Mystery Machine, and found myself laying on a pile of clothes. There were fifty identical outfits of everyone's clothing. I just took a Velma suit and came back.
Da: What now, Crimson Mastermind?
H: Plant the red herrings, I mean clues, Dalton. It's time to film.
SO NOW IT TRULY BEGINS. FRED AND RED AND A GUY NAMED TED………OKAY THAT'S GETTING SILLY. THE RED GREEN SHOW IS BEGINNING AND FRED'S MYSTERIOUS SHOW WILL NOW START. WHAT HIJINKS COULD ARISE FROM THIS ZANY PREDICAMENT? WILL LOKI FIND THE HASH? WILL STONE FIND THAT HE ACTUALLY LIKES THE LIMELIGHT? WILL HAROLD GET A LITTLE TOO COMFORTABLE IN THAT SKIRT? AND JUST WHAT IS JUNCTERISTIPHOBIA ANAYWAY? FIND OUT IN OUR NEXT INSTALLMENT, SAME SCOOBY- TIME, SAME SCOOBY-CHANNEL. AND READ A DICTIONARY!