(Section 10)
-Loki, Shaggy, and Scooby are putting around on Possum Swamp on Harold's barge filled with weed. Shaggy and Scooby are rolling around laughing in a haze of hash smoke. Loki is sucking on a roach, but is more interested in his surroundings-
L: Shaggy...was this all the weed you could find? There's plenty here, but you wouldn't be holding out on me, would you?
Sh: Like, no way, man. There were two barges, but when we were dragging them back to shore, this ring of bubbles surrounded us. Then these tentacles shot out of the water and dragged the other barge under the water.
L: Uh huh. And you're certain you didn't have any of this stuff before you found me?
Sc: Re rwear.
PUTT PUTT PUTT BRAP FFFT PUTT PUTT PUTT BRAP FFFT
L: This engine sounds just like the noises I heard coming from the swamp when I first arrived here. That explains Harold resurrecting the Phlatulent Phantom idea. It would provide an explanation for the noise of the engine, and Red already said he was the Phantom. Then Harold could move the weed anywhere in the swamp so no one could find it.
Sc: Rhen rhe rystery ris rolved.
L: Yeah, I figured it out a couple days ago...that isn't all that important. What really perplexes me is this swamp. This is southern Canada, but I'm seeing Spanish moss growing on Cyprus trees. The water is so warm I'm sweating, and there's water moccasins swimming around in there. Was that a parrot I just saw?
Sh: So what, man. Probably some climate anomaly. Nothing to get worked up about. I like this. It's like the Everglades without the tourists.
-Shaggy steps out onto a pile of sediments sticking out of the water and stretches up to the sky-
Sh: This is beautiful. A tropical climate, and no one around to spoil it. It's a perfect place to get high.
L: Yeah...
-Loki pulls his gun and points it right between Shaggy's legs-
Sh: Really man! I told you the other barge sank! I meant it! Here, I'll give you the money I conned from you back!
BOOM
-Loki fires. The miniature rocket shoots through Shaggy's legs, and a mess of green fluid splatters all over him-
L: I hope to realize you were standing on a crocodile nest just now.
Sh: Fuck! That thing is twenty feet long!
L: It was thirty before I shot it. But I'll take that money, thank you.
Sh: Hey man, that's not cool.
L: Care to argue?
-The gun is in Shaggy's face-
Sh: No.
L: All right then. Now that we have the weed, we don't have to worry about Stone finding it first. We can cut this charade and let him wrap this trip to Wonderland up.
Sc: Rhat rare re ronna ro?
L: First, we hide this barge in a good safe place. Out back by the septic system will be best. No one will ever go out there. Then we bring in the only person that I trust with a situation this bizarre.
Sh: Rod Serling?
L: No. Stone.
Sc: RAY! Rister Rone!
L: Scooby...it's one thing to praise his existence when he's feeding you an endless supply of Scooby Snacks, but now it's just not the time.
-The trio arrives back at shore and hides the barge. As they get off...-
L: This is not good.
-Seventeen Phlatulent Phantoms are waiting for them. They actually are wearing identical costumes this time-
L: Wow. They're actually wearing identical costumes this time. Harold must have sent for a supply of costumes.
-The Phlatulent Phantom in the rear removes his mask. It is Harold-
H: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This time I have you! Rules #67 and 68 of the Guide to Successful Super-Villainy states to never confront your adversary with less than six times his party number, and to never place yourself in the front of the group for the sake of better acoustics! I cannot lose this time! Minions! GET THEM!!!
-The Phantoms advance in a shuffling, awkward fashion, bumping into each other and getting into petty personal arguments-
Da: You stepped on my foot!
W: You elbowed me in the ribs!
Mi: I can't see anything!
H: ACH! I'll never use beer and Jerry Springer as a motivation staple ever again!
L: Gentleman and human...
Sh: Hey.
L: The time has come in which the grand zany chase scene that normally is accompanied by campy 70s music begins.
Sc: Rhat reans...
L: Produce cards and...
Sh: CHECK OFF!!
Sc: BINGO!
L: Ah, shit. I was so close. I just needed a "Scooby steals Shaggy's victory meal" and I would have won! You're right though, Shaggy. These Scooby Doo Bingo Cards are gonna sell big!
H: Minions! Destroy them! Or I'll make the next Lodge Meeting a dry one!
-The minions quickly assemble and advance in malicious fashion-
Sh: This is where we run, right?
L: Not this time.
Sc: Rhat?
L: I'm getting tired of running. And Harold's quips at Ask the Experts really hurt. I'm going to knock him down a few notches.
Sh: There are SEVENTEEN of those Phantoms! You're not that powerful! You can't take them all!
L: Oh no? KA MAY HA MAY HA!!!
-A blue fireball erupts from Loki's hands, sending the Phantoms scrambling out of sight-
H: FUCK!!! I'm outta here!
-Harold rushes away-
Sh: What was that?
L: It's amazing what one can learn watching Dragonball Z.
Sc: Ret's ret Rister Rone.
Sh: Yup. It's time to finish this.
-Elsewhere, Fred is filming another scene. Daphne is tied to a chair to keep her from falling off. Fred is posing on front of the camera, finding just the right way to showcase his domineering insecurity-
D: Look! Brownies!
F: All right, I'm not letting them get away this time. I lost the Sasquatch and Elvis. I won't lose the brownies! There they are! I can their tiny forms now! Wait! Brownies!
-The creature that Fred is hobbling after on his crutches turns around, revealing a little girl wearing a uniform similar to a Girl Scout-
Brownie: Yes?
F: May I ask you something?
Br: What kind of cookies would you like?
F: Cookies?
Br: We have mint, peanut butter, chocolate fudge, and vanilla.
F: And you need to sell these cookies for...
Br: Brownie points.
F:...but of course you do. I'll take a box of vanilla.
Br: Excellent choice, mister. It fits your bland, white-bread image.
F: Why thank you girls. Toodle-oo.
Br: Bye!!!
F: Where is Velma? I need her to release my fury!
H: Huff Puff I'm here, Fred!
F; Velma! There you are! What's that? Is that urine running down your leg?
H: Never mind that. Let's shoot this scene so I can go plan my vengeance against a certain devilishly handsome, far too clever mage.
F: Huh?
H: Never mind. Now, Fred, this will be the moment in which you make the connection that ties all the clues together. This is the moment that you have your greatest moment of glory. This will be the greatest "Let's go, gang" EVER! Now Fred, feel the moment, and say those words!
-Properly motivated, Fred drops his crutches and strikes a powerful pose rivaling Conan the Barbarian, and takes a mighty breath. Raw power exudes from him as he makes his impassioned monologue-
F: I've got it! All the clues are starting to make sense! The tape, the picture, the credit card receipt, and the can of paint! They all point to one man! No, I cannot tell you now, gang! To reveal that would destroy the suspense that I have painstakingly worked to build! This is the moment! The time is now! LET'S GO, GANG!!!
-Applause from...Harold, only Harold-
H: Yes! Brilliant! Inspiring! Brings tears to my eyes! That was the most amazi...what's this? Oh dear. It appears there was no film in the camera.
-Fred immediately falls to the ground as his knees give out-
F: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of all the vile, villainous acts that you could do to me, Velma, none can be viler than this!
H: Yes, that's why I saved it for last.
F: What?
H: Oh, nothing. Now that I have my dignity back, I think I'll seduce this lovely limp fish. Oh Daphne?
D: Wha?
H: My dear, would you like me to untie you?
D: Yes, Santa!
H: Would you like me to massage your feet?
D: Oh, yes!
H: Do you want to be my mistress?
D: Don't push it.
-Back at the swamp-
L: Red!
R: Oh hi, Loki. Have you ever gotten a look under the hood of this thing?
L: I don't use artificial things. All natural for this guy.
R: Not that hood! I mean the Mystery Machine.
Sh: What's wrong with it?
R: Did you know there are two gas tanks in here? And there's a switch that can transfer from the normal one to a smaller tank that holds about two gallons of gas. And the tires are specially equipped to deflate and inflate with the push of a button. And the axles are collapsible. This machine is designed to imitate any sort of vehicular problem at a moment's notice!
Sh: That explains the constant breakdowns in front of old abandoned amusement parks.
R: I've never seen anything like this before. Oh my God! Metaphorically, Theogically, and Literally!
L: What? GASP
-Stone is standing out on Possum Lake. And I mean standing out on Possum Lake. He is standing on the water, and walking around, taking readings with some sort of device-
L: I knew it!
Sc: Rhat?
L: I should have guessed. All this time, I thought Stone's will was so strong he nullified everything that didn't fit in his perception of reality. I was wrong! He's a mage, too! A super-powerful mage! He must be stronger than me. How else could he negate my power? Now that I've got him figured out, I won't be at the mercy of his null-magic field.
-Loki steps out onto the water-
L: If he can do it, I can do it.
-The water bends under his foot, but he stays above the surface-
L: Oh yeah...
-Loki, feeling much more confident, walks across the water right up to Stone. He taps Stone on his shoulder-
S: Oh, hello, Loki.
-Loki is surprised. Stone did not even acknowledge that he was standing on the water-
L: Ummm...what are you doing?
S: I'm taking some samples of this water's nitrate level. Would you mind terribly if I asked you to fill this vial with water?
L: Ummm...I guess not.
-Loki bends down and dunks the vial under the water-
S: Oh, Loki, make sure you use this protective glove. This water is highly suspicious. And watch your footing. These submerged pilings from the wrecked dock are slippery.
L: Submerged...pilings?
SPLOOSH
S: Oh, you fell off. You really must be more careful...um, Loki?
L: Ackpth! What?
S: Do you by any chance have an extra set of clothes?
L: One. Why?...what's that sizzling sound? And what's that searing flesh smell?
S: You'd better take a shower. Right now.
L: YAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
-Loki, in a panic, runs right across the water and into the Lodge-
S: My, he certainly is fleet-footed. He hit every rock on the way back.
-Thirty minutes later, Loki has changed clothes and has returned to the Mystery Machine. Or what was the Mystery Machine. The van is has been nearly stripped to its bare essentials courtesy of Red's chainsaw-
L: Where did Stone go?
R: He went off to make another phone call. He needed some special equipment to test the swamp. Winston offered to help, but Stone ran away.
L: That was wise of him. What have you turned up now?
R: When I cut into the back, it looked like the back compartment was much narrower then it should be in a van of this size. So I went to work on the walls, and found a secret compartment filled with papers. I left them in a pile by the engine.
L: Shag? Scoob? Do you realize what these are?
Sh: These look like cancelled cheques. To private investigators.
L: And the Acme Costume Company.
Sc: Rand ra rhosts.
L: Yes...do these names look familiar to you, Shag?
Sh: Al Smith... Ma Pritchett...Old Man Withers...these are the guys we kept unmasking!
L: Yeeeees...and look at these. Newspaper clippings. From every case we ever came across.
Sh: And every one of them of dated prior to our arriving at the scene.
L: And files. The Black Knight...The Creeper...The Neapolitan Phantoms...the Robot...guuuhhh shiver I remember that robot. That was freaky. But Fred knew about them all beforehand.
Sc: Re've reen ret rup!
L: Yes, Scooby, it appears that Fred knew about every haunting before we got there. And that he even concocted some of them himself.
Sh: Say, what are these?
Sc: Rontracts.
L: Yes, model release contracts. Daphne, Velma, and you two have signed them. The handwriting is terrible on them all. Say, I never signed one of those. And what are these? These look like contracts for a movie. Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar have signed these things. Two other people I don't recognize are playing Shaggy and Velma. I don't see one for Scooby.
Sh: I don't remember signing any contracts.
Sc: Re reither.
L: Then I'll bet that neither Daphne nor Velma know about these either. I don't get it though. What could they be for? And how can you not know about them?
Sc: Ri ron't row.
-From behind them-
S: Mr. Rogers! Might I have a moment of your time?
Sh: Uh sure, Mr. Stone.
L: Stone, where have you been?
S: I was meeting my pilot. I had some chemical testing equipment flown in from England.
L: In half an hour?
S: It would have taken less of a delay, but my supersonic jet is being repaired.
L: Of course it is.
S: Mr. Rogers, I need some advice. I realize that this is your area of expertise from my past exposure to your escapades.
Sh: You've seen me before?
S: Why of course. I've been an admirer of you and your illustrious canine partner for years. I always did love the way you two solved your mysteries. There was only one person better, no offense meant of course, but he seemed to vanish just as he was reaching the peak of his crime-fighting ability. But you two always showed true courage when falling down mine shafts and subduing villains. So, how does one manage to gather necessary evidence and gather the crooks as well in a manner of twenty minutes?
Sh: Huh?
S: Perhaps I am intruding. A master detective does not share his methods with just anyone.
Sh: Umm...generally Scoob and me run around looking for food and land on the ghost by accident.
S: I see, Mr. Rogers. Always the picture of humility. But perhaps I could ask what would be the best action to finish this case?
Sc: Re can ro rout ronto rhe rwamp. Re'll rust reed ra roat.
S: That's an excellent idea, Scoobert! We just need to...did I just address the dog?
L(patting S on the back): Don't worry, Stone. This case is taking its toll on all of us.
S: Right...we just need to find a boat.
H: Did I hear someone say they need a boat?
L: Harold! How did you get here so fast?
H: Literary convenience. So what are you all doing?
S: We need to find a boat so we can go out onto Possum Swamp. There is something highly suspicious about that swamp. The temperature is highly abnormal, and I'm certain I saw a nuclear power plant on my way here.
H: So you need a way to get deep into the swamp. To delve into its murky depths and the moss filled jungle...a place so dark it's possible to be lost forever in its murk...a place where a corpse may never be recovered...a place where one could kill off a certain party of meddlesome adventurers without fear of discovery...sure, I can help you.
-Ten minutes later. Stone and Loki are standing with looks on their faces that can be described only as "HUH?" A small single cabin boat with a patch over what used to be a large hole in the bow-
L: This does not bode well.
S: The S.S. Minnow? He's really reaching now.
L: He did say it would be a three-hour tour.
Sh: What's the big deal?
S: Mr. Rogers, have you never watched television? That boat is an American cultural icon, and...Loki! Stop making bets with the Lodge members!
L: Stone! I'm giving them twenty to one odds that we won't survive this expedition!
S: Hmmm...better that you collect the Lodge's ill-gotten funds and put them to good use. Otherwise, it might be spent of excessive alcohol abuse, drugs, and cheap women.
L: That would certainly be a shame if that happened. Snicker
S: Where are Mr. Jones and Ms. Blake? I haven't seen them for some time.
Sh: I don't know. They've been gone for a while. Maybe Fred finally figured out what that thing in his pants is used for.
H: The launch is ready! All aboard!
S: Are we ready to set off, Mr. Green?
H: Certainly. I just need to make an adjustment on the motor...and...timer set! I mean, all set! You're ready to shove off!
S: Excellent, Mr. Green. We need just one thing.
H: What's that?
CLICK -Stone has handcuffed Harold to his wrist-
S: A helmsman.
H: Yikes! I need to check that motor again!
-A few minutes later, out on the water. Harold is fiddling frantically with a bomb he has attached to the motor-
L: Harold, it might be best for your continued health if you cut the red wire.
H: Oh, why thank you, Loki.
L: Or was it green?
H: GAH! Make up your mind!
-From below-
S: Loki?
L: What, Stone?
S: May I see you down here a moment?
L: Uh, okay.
-In the ships control room-
S: Loki, must you tease Harold so?
L: Why not? I disarmed that bomb two minutes after we got out into the water.
S: Loki...did I say bomb...or did I say bombS, plural?
L: Oh.
S: Why do you think I've been holding the odometer back with my fingernail for the last five minutes?
L: Oh.
S: Hurry.
-In seconds, Loki has disarmed the second bomb-
S: Thank you.
L: Harold really has grown into super-villianhood hasn't he?
S: I admit he has grown beyond my expectations.
L: And gotten quite troublesome as of late.
S: Are you suggesting something?
L: Perhaps.
H: Is this REALLY necessary?
-Harold has been tied to the wheel of the launch-
SO HERE WE ARE. IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER NOW. THE FINAL LAP HAS BEGUN. BUT THERE ARE STILL LOOSE ENDS TO TIE UP. WHAT WILL OUR HEROS (OR HERO, HARD TO COUNT LOKI) FIND IN THAT SWAMP? WILL HAROLD EVER GET OUT OF THAT VELMA SUIT? AND DO RHINOS GET GAS? I'M AFRAID TO ASK. DOES ANYONE KNOW?
-Loki, Shaggy, and Scooby are putting around on Possum Swamp on Harold's barge filled with weed. Shaggy and Scooby are rolling around laughing in a haze of hash smoke. Loki is sucking on a roach, but is more interested in his surroundings-
L: Shaggy...was this all the weed you could find? There's plenty here, but you wouldn't be holding out on me, would you?
Sh: Like, no way, man. There were two barges, but when we were dragging them back to shore, this ring of bubbles surrounded us. Then these tentacles shot out of the water and dragged the other barge under the water.
L: Uh huh. And you're certain you didn't have any of this stuff before you found me?
Sc: Re rwear.
PUTT PUTT PUTT BRAP FFFT PUTT PUTT PUTT BRAP FFFT
L: This engine sounds just like the noises I heard coming from the swamp when I first arrived here. That explains Harold resurrecting the Phlatulent Phantom idea. It would provide an explanation for the noise of the engine, and Red already said he was the Phantom. Then Harold could move the weed anywhere in the swamp so no one could find it.
Sc: Rhen rhe rystery ris rolved.
L: Yeah, I figured it out a couple days ago...that isn't all that important. What really perplexes me is this swamp. This is southern Canada, but I'm seeing Spanish moss growing on Cyprus trees. The water is so warm I'm sweating, and there's water moccasins swimming around in there. Was that a parrot I just saw?
Sh: So what, man. Probably some climate anomaly. Nothing to get worked up about. I like this. It's like the Everglades without the tourists.
-Shaggy steps out onto a pile of sediments sticking out of the water and stretches up to the sky-
Sh: This is beautiful. A tropical climate, and no one around to spoil it. It's a perfect place to get high.
L: Yeah...
-Loki pulls his gun and points it right between Shaggy's legs-
Sh: Really man! I told you the other barge sank! I meant it! Here, I'll give you the money I conned from you back!
BOOM
-Loki fires. The miniature rocket shoots through Shaggy's legs, and a mess of green fluid splatters all over him-
L: I hope to realize you were standing on a crocodile nest just now.
Sh: Fuck! That thing is twenty feet long!
L: It was thirty before I shot it. But I'll take that money, thank you.
Sh: Hey man, that's not cool.
L: Care to argue?
-The gun is in Shaggy's face-
Sh: No.
L: All right then. Now that we have the weed, we don't have to worry about Stone finding it first. We can cut this charade and let him wrap this trip to Wonderland up.
Sc: Rhat rare re ronna ro?
L: First, we hide this barge in a good safe place. Out back by the septic system will be best. No one will ever go out there. Then we bring in the only person that I trust with a situation this bizarre.
Sh: Rod Serling?
L: No. Stone.
Sc: RAY! Rister Rone!
L: Scooby...it's one thing to praise his existence when he's feeding you an endless supply of Scooby Snacks, but now it's just not the time.
-The trio arrives back at shore and hides the barge. As they get off...-
L: This is not good.
-Seventeen Phlatulent Phantoms are waiting for them. They actually are wearing identical costumes this time-
L: Wow. They're actually wearing identical costumes this time. Harold must have sent for a supply of costumes.
-The Phlatulent Phantom in the rear removes his mask. It is Harold-
H: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This time I have you! Rules #67 and 68 of the Guide to Successful Super-Villainy states to never confront your adversary with less than six times his party number, and to never place yourself in the front of the group for the sake of better acoustics! I cannot lose this time! Minions! GET THEM!!!
-The Phantoms advance in a shuffling, awkward fashion, bumping into each other and getting into petty personal arguments-
Da: You stepped on my foot!
W: You elbowed me in the ribs!
Mi: I can't see anything!
H: ACH! I'll never use beer and Jerry Springer as a motivation staple ever again!
L: Gentleman and human...
Sh: Hey.
L: The time has come in which the grand zany chase scene that normally is accompanied by campy 70s music begins.
Sc: Rhat reans...
L: Produce cards and...
Sh: CHECK OFF!!
Sc: BINGO!
L: Ah, shit. I was so close. I just needed a "Scooby steals Shaggy's victory meal" and I would have won! You're right though, Shaggy. These Scooby Doo Bingo Cards are gonna sell big!
H: Minions! Destroy them! Or I'll make the next Lodge Meeting a dry one!
-The minions quickly assemble and advance in malicious fashion-
Sh: This is where we run, right?
L: Not this time.
Sc: Rhat?
L: I'm getting tired of running. And Harold's quips at Ask the Experts really hurt. I'm going to knock him down a few notches.
Sh: There are SEVENTEEN of those Phantoms! You're not that powerful! You can't take them all!
L: Oh no? KA MAY HA MAY HA!!!
-A blue fireball erupts from Loki's hands, sending the Phantoms scrambling out of sight-
H: FUCK!!! I'm outta here!
-Harold rushes away-
Sh: What was that?
L: It's amazing what one can learn watching Dragonball Z.
Sc: Ret's ret Rister Rone.
Sh: Yup. It's time to finish this.
-Elsewhere, Fred is filming another scene. Daphne is tied to a chair to keep her from falling off. Fred is posing on front of the camera, finding just the right way to showcase his domineering insecurity-
D: Look! Brownies!
F: All right, I'm not letting them get away this time. I lost the Sasquatch and Elvis. I won't lose the brownies! There they are! I can their tiny forms now! Wait! Brownies!
-The creature that Fred is hobbling after on his crutches turns around, revealing a little girl wearing a uniform similar to a Girl Scout-
Brownie: Yes?
F: May I ask you something?
Br: What kind of cookies would you like?
F: Cookies?
Br: We have mint, peanut butter, chocolate fudge, and vanilla.
F: And you need to sell these cookies for...
Br: Brownie points.
F:...but of course you do. I'll take a box of vanilla.
Br: Excellent choice, mister. It fits your bland, white-bread image.
F: Why thank you girls. Toodle-oo.
Br: Bye!!!
F: Where is Velma? I need her to release my fury!
H: Huff Puff I'm here, Fred!
F; Velma! There you are! What's that? Is that urine running down your leg?
H: Never mind that. Let's shoot this scene so I can go plan my vengeance against a certain devilishly handsome, far too clever mage.
F: Huh?
H: Never mind. Now, Fred, this will be the moment in which you make the connection that ties all the clues together. This is the moment that you have your greatest moment of glory. This will be the greatest "Let's go, gang" EVER! Now Fred, feel the moment, and say those words!
-Properly motivated, Fred drops his crutches and strikes a powerful pose rivaling Conan the Barbarian, and takes a mighty breath. Raw power exudes from him as he makes his impassioned monologue-
F: I've got it! All the clues are starting to make sense! The tape, the picture, the credit card receipt, and the can of paint! They all point to one man! No, I cannot tell you now, gang! To reveal that would destroy the suspense that I have painstakingly worked to build! This is the moment! The time is now! LET'S GO, GANG!!!
-Applause from...Harold, only Harold-
H: Yes! Brilliant! Inspiring! Brings tears to my eyes! That was the most amazi...what's this? Oh dear. It appears there was no film in the camera.
-Fred immediately falls to the ground as his knees give out-
F: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of all the vile, villainous acts that you could do to me, Velma, none can be viler than this!
H: Yes, that's why I saved it for last.
F: What?
H: Oh, nothing. Now that I have my dignity back, I think I'll seduce this lovely limp fish. Oh Daphne?
D: Wha?
H: My dear, would you like me to untie you?
D: Yes, Santa!
H: Would you like me to massage your feet?
D: Oh, yes!
H: Do you want to be my mistress?
D: Don't push it.
-Back at the swamp-
L: Red!
R: Oh hi, Loki. Have you ever gotten a look under the hood of this thing?
L: I don't use artificial things. All natural for this guy.
R: Not that hood! I mean the Mystery Machine.
Sh: What's wrong with it?
R: Did you know there are two gas tanks in here? And there's a switch that can transfer from the normal one to a smaller tank that holds about two gallons of gas. And the tires are specially equipped to deflate and inflate with the push of a button. And the axles are collapsible. This machine is designed to imitate any sort of vehicular problem at a moment's notice!
Sh: That explains the constant breakdowns in front of old abandoned amusement parks.
R: I've never seen anything like this before. Oh my God! Metaphorically, Theogically, and Literally!
L: What? GASP
-Stone is standing out on Possum Lake. And I mean standing out on Possum Lake. He is standing on the water, and walking around, taking readings with some sort of device-
L: I knew it!
Sc: Rhat?
L: I should have guessed. All this time, I thought Stone's will was so strong he nullified everything that didn't fit in his perception of reality. I was wrong! He's a mage, too! A super-powerful mage! He must be stronger than me. How else could he negate my power? Now that I've got him figured out, I won't be at the mercy of his null-magic field.
-Loki steps out onto the water-
L: If he can do it, I can do it.
-The water bends under his foot, but he stays above the surface-
L: Oh yeah...
-Loki, feeling much more confident, walks across the water right up to Stone. He taps Stone on his shoulder-
S: Oh, hello, Loki.
-Loki is surprised. Stone did not even acknowledge that he was standing on the water-
L: Ummm...what are you doing?
S: I'm taking some samples of this water's nitrate level. Would you mind terribly if I asked you to fill this vial with water?
L: Ummm...I guess not.
-Loki bends down and dunks the vial under the water-
S: Oh, Loki, make sure you use this protective glove. This water is highly suspicious. And watch your footing. These submerged pilings from the wrecked dock are slippery.
L: Submerged...pilings?
SPLOOSH
S: Oh, you fell off. You really must be more careful...um, Loki?
L: Ackpth! What?
S: Do you by any chance have an extra set of clothes?
L: One. Why?...what's that sizzling sound? And what's that searing flesh smell?
S: You'd better take a shower. Right now.
L: YAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
-Loki, in a panic, runs right across the water and into the Lodge-
S: My, he certainly is fleet-footed. He hit every rock on the way back.
-Thirty minutes later, Loki has changed clothes and has returned to the Mystery Machine. Or what was the Mystery Machine. The van is has been nearly stripped to its bare essentials courtesy of Red's chainsaw-
L: Where did Stone go?
R: He went off to make another phone call. He needed some special equipment to test the swamp. Winston offered to help, but Stone ran away.
L: That was wise of him. What have you turned up now?
R: When I cut into the back, it looked like the back compartment was much narrower then it should be in a van of this size. So I went to work on the walls, and found a secret compartment filled with papers. I left them in a pile by the engine.
L: Shag? Scoob? Do you realize what these are?
Sh: These look like cancelled cheques. To private investigators.
L: And the Acme Costume Company.
Sc: Rand ra rhosts.
L: Yes...do these names look familiar to you, Shag?
Sh: Al Smith... Ma Pritchett...Old Man Withers...these are the guys we kept unmasking!
L: Yeeeees...and look at these. Newspaper clippings. From every case we ever came across.
Sh: And every one of them of dated prior to our arriving at the scene.
L: And files. The Black Knight...The Creeper...The Neapolitan Phantoms...the Robot...guuuhhh shiver I remember that robot. That was freaky. But Fred knew about them all beforehand.
Sc: Re've reen ret rup!
L: Yes, Scooby, it appears that Fred knew about every haunting before we got there. And that he even concocted some of them himself.
Sh: Say, what are these?
Sc: Rontracts.
L: Yes, model release contracts. Daphne, Velma, and you two have signed them. The handwriting is terrible on them all. Say, I never signed one of those. And what are these? These look like contracts for a movie. Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar have signed these things. Two other people I don't recognize are playing Shaggy and Velma. I don't see one for Scooby.
Sh: I don't remember signing any contracts.
Sc: Re reither.
L: Then I'll bet that neither Daphne nor Velma know about these either. I don't get it though. What could they be for? And how can you not know about them?
Sc: Ri ron't row.
-From behind them-
S: Mr. Rogers! Might I have a moment of your time?
Sh: Uh sure, Mr. Stone.
L: Stone, where have you been?
S: I was meeting my pilot. I had some chemical testing equipment flown in from England.
L: In half an hour?
S: It would have taken less of a delay, but my supersonic jet is being repaired.
L: Of course it is.
S: Mr. Rogers, I need some advice. I realize that this is your area of expertise from my past exposure to your escapades.
Sh: You've seen me before?
S: Why of course. I've been an admirer of you and your illustrious canine partner for years. I always did love the way you two solved your mysteries. There was only one person better, no offense meant of course, but he seemed to vanish just as he was reaching the peak of his crime-fighting ability. But you two always showed true courage when falling down mine shafts and subduing villains. So, how does one manage to gather necessary evidence and gather the crooks as well in a manner of twenty minutes?
Sh: Huh?
S: Perhaps I am intruding. A master detective does not share his methods with just anyone.
Sh: Umm...generally Scoob and me run around looking for food and land on the ghost by accident.
S: I see, Mr. Rogers. Always the picture of humility. But perhaps I could ask what would be the best action to finish this case?
Sc: Re can ro rout ronto rhe rwamp. Re'll rust reed ra roat.
S: That's an excellent idea, Scoobert! We just need to...did I just address the dog?
L(patting S on the back): Don't worry, Stone. This case is taking its toll on all of us.
S: Right...we just need to find a boat.
H: Did I hear someone say they need a boat?
L: Harold! How did you get here so fast?
H: Literary convenience. So what are you all doing?
S: We need to find a boat so we can go out onto Possum Swamp. There is something highly suspicious about that swamp. The temperature is highly abnormal, and I'm certain I saw a nuclear power plant on my way here.
H: So you need a way to get deep into the swamp. To delve into its murky depths and the moss filled jungle...a place so dark it's possible to be lost forever in its murk...a place where a corpse may never be recovered...a place where one could kill off a certain party of meddlesome adventurers without fear of discovery...sure, I can help you.
-Ten minutes later. Stone and Loki are standing with looks on their faces that can be described only as "HUH?" A small single cabin boat with a patch over what used to be a large hole in the bow-
L: This does not bode well.
S: The S.S. Minnow? He's really reaching now.
L: He did say it would be a three-hour tour.
Sh: What's the big deal?
S: Mr. Rogers, have you never watched television? That boat is an American cultural icon, and...Loki! Stop making bets with the Lodge members!
L: Stone! I'm giving them twenty to one odds that we won't survive this expedition!
S: Hmmm...better that you collect the Lodge's ill-gotten funds and put them to good use. Otherwise, it might be spent of excessive alcohol abuse, drugs, and cheap women.
L: That would certainly be a shame if that happened. Snicker
S: Where are Mr. Jones and Ms. Blake? I haven't seen them for some time.
Sh: I don't know. They've been gone for a while. Maybe Fred finally figured out what that thing in his pants is used for.
H: The launch is ready! All aboard!
S: Are we ready to set off, Mr. Green?
H: Certainly. I just need to make an adjustment on the motor...and...timer set! I mean, all set! You're ready to shove off!
S: Excellent, Mr. Green. We need just one thing.
H: What's that?
CLICK -Stone has handcuffed Harold to his wrist-
S: A helmsman.
H: Yikes! I need to check that motor again!
-A few minutes later, out on the water. Harold is fiddling frantically with a bomb he has attached to the motor-
L: Harold, it might be best for your continued health if you cut the red wire.
H: Oh, why thank you, Loki.
L: Or was it green?
H: GAH! Make up your mind!
-From below-
S: Loki?
L: What, Stone?
S: May I see you down here a moment?
L: Uh, okay.
-In the ships control room-
S: Loki, must you tease Harold so?
L: Why not? I disarmed that bomb two minutes after we got out into the water.
S: Loki...did I say bomb...or did I say bombS, plural?
L: Oh.
S: Why do you think I've been holding the odometer back with my fingernail for the last five minutes?
L: Oh.
S: Hurry.
-In seconds, Loki has disarmed the second bomb-
S: Thank you.
L: Harold really has grown into super-villianhood hasn't he?
S: I admit he has grown beyond my expectations.
L: And gotten quite troublesome as of late.
S: Are you suggesting something?
L: Perhaps.
H: Is this REALLY necessary?
-Harold has been tied to the wheel of the launch-
SO HERE WE ARE. IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER NOW. THE FINAL LAP HAS BEGUN. BUT THERE ARE STILL LOOSE ENDS TO TIE UP. WHAT WILL OUR HEROS (OR HERO, HARD TO COUNT LOKI) FIND IN THAT SWAMP? WILL HAROLD EVER GET OUT OF THAT VELMA SUIT? AND DO RHINOS GET GAS? I'M AFRAID TO ASK. DOES ANYONE KNOW?