Chapter Four: Disturbing Behavior

That night was restless. I probably spent the whole night crying softly to myself so she wouldn't hear. I felt scared, used, dirty, and I felt like I was going to hurl. But I didn't. I didn't want to show any signs of weakness anymore. But couldn't help it. I was so messed up that night. Nothing can describe what I was going through. The emotions were a scrambled mix of hatred, fear, guilt, and so many other emotions I couldn't possibly name then all, some of them I don't even have names for.

I considered trying to escape through the small window, but I decided that I either get stuck or she'd hear me, catch me, and do something bad. I nervously wrung my hands as I looked at my watch (Which Shelia had put on a nearby folding table) and saw that the time was about four in the morning. The others would be worried sick. As it was I knew I was going to be disturbed for the next few days at least, would they figure it out?

I really did have intentions to wait for my wedding night. I wanted to find the right woman, date her for a few years after college, pop the question, and marry her on a gorgeous day, friends and family all around. I would've wanted everything to be perfect. Then I would've at least offered her my virginity that night, or at least sometime during the honeymoon, but I didn't have that to offer anymore. I didn't realize until that night just how much being a virgin meant to me.

I started thinking that maybe there was something I could've done to stop her from doing what she'd done. No doubt it was an awful thing, but for a second I wondered if I was being selfish. I shook my head. I wasn't being selfish. You only get to loose it once, and after that, you're never a virgin again. I'd lost it in a horrible, petrifying hell. The only thing I could do was wait for morning and hope I'd have the strength to carry on with my life.

Morning came and Shelia unlocked the door. I had fallen asleep in a pile of towels. She roughly grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet. "Get your stuff," she said ever so coldly. "Now, here's the deal: You act as if nothing happened, at least towards me, got it?"

"Y, y, yes," I said, the previous night's hell still fresh in my mind.

Shelia glared at me. "You're still my boyfriend, and we will continue to date unless I say otherwise, got it?"

I nodded, still shaking as I grabbed my satchel. She was dressed already, and once we left the house, she was as cool as a cucumber. "I'll walk you back to your place, just to make sure you don't try anything funny," she said.

I spent the rest of the day in my room. I told everyone I was reading or taking a nap or, when meals came around, that I wasn't hungry. Well, that was true, I was so sick to my stomach that I knew I didn't need anything to throw up. Kento tried coming in a few times to talk to me, but I told him I was all right, and he said all right, but I knew he or Sage or someone else would be back later. To be honest, I didn't want to talk with anyone. I just needed some time alone, a lot of time alone.

The next day my behavior was basically the same, although I did go downstairs to eat something. The sick to my stomach feelings were gone, but the used, abused, dirty, and guilty feelings weren't. Guilt was what I was feeling. Why did I feel like it was my fault? I knew from health classes that any form of sexual assault or abuse was never the victim's fault, it was always the assailant's fault, whether it be significant other, spouse, or parents, sometimes even sibling or other relative.

I really didn't give a crap about the statistics at the time. I just wanted to disappear and never, ever come back again.

Kento was still convinced something was wrong, and I guess the others were, too, none more than Mia. I tried to act normal, I tried to be myself, but there was always that certain shakiness I had.

Not to mention I snapped Kento's wrist when he played a typical joke that he's probably done to all of us except for Mia and Yuli dozens of times. While you're unsuspecting of anything, he will sneak up behind you with an ice cube and quickly drop it down your shorts. Unfortunately he chose the wrong time to try that, only a few days afterward. I reacted to the hands behind me, panic-stricken and grabbed his wrist, snapping it. I have never heard Kento scream so loudly. Mia screamed at me, and I tried to stick it out but I didn't speak with anyone the rest of the day except for Kento to apologize, explaining that he'd just startled me. I knew that wasn't true. Well, actually, he HAD startled me, but it was deeper than that. So much more deeply than he and his rock-hard head could ever comprehend.

At school, Sheila was being a bit move "lovey dovey" than she'd ever been with me before. In the hallway if we passed she'd wrap her arm around my waist, pull me close and kiss me softly, then let me go. She talked about me a lot, and I mean a LOT with her friends. A few kids made a few opinions that she was trying to get something out of me. Oh, she had all right.

On the other hand, I noticed Sheila acting strangely in other ways. About two weeks after it happened, I noticed she had a worried look on her face. One of her friends, Hiroko, saw me looking curiously at her and explained that one of her friends was missing.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Missing," said Hiroko. Hiroko was also the school ditz as well as being Sheila's friend. "Said she'd come over, never did, no one knows where she is."

I felt bad for the girl's family, but not so much for Shelia. "Well, I hope she finds her," I said.

"Oh yeah, but I wonder why she hasn't called the police yet," said Hiroko.

By the time the American holiday Thanksgiving arrived (Sometime in mid-to-late November) I noticed Shelia wasn't at school anymore. When I heard that she'd been transferred, I secretly jumped for joy. She was gone! She was gone! I'd never have to worry about her again! I could tell-

I rethought that, If I told, then someone would call the cops. They'd hunt her down. Shelia might catch on, might escape, and might try to kill me. Maybe I am a Ronin Warrior, but how would I know when to transform to escape a bullet wound?

By the time she vanished, I was pretty much back to normal, and I overheard the guys saying that they assumed my strange behavior as being a stage I was going through, it wasn't anything they should worry about. I knew that in reality if they knew they'd go ballistic, but it was better that they didn't. This was my situation (At the time it wasn't as much of a problem anymore) and they didn't need to worry about me. Or, so I thought.

Little did I know but that one night would come back with a vengeance.