Chapter Eight: I. Do. Not. Need. THERAPY!

About a week passed. Kojiro and I were becoming great friends, and I was beginning to get to know Ariel a little better, too. I could feel the parental bond forming, and while I was a little scared of it, it made me feel good. Sometimes I'd just hold her to look down at her in wonderment. Even after a week, it still felt weird that I was a father. Ariel also (I think) knew who I was right from the start. I wasn't sure how Shelia treated her the first few days of her life, but the people at the TCC said that she was a healthy baby girl. And a LOUD one. Kojiro wasn't a happy camper about it, so I bought him some ear plugs so he wouldn't have to deal with Ariel's wailing. If she wailed I checked her diaper, and if that wasn't the problem, I just held her and gently rubbed her back until she went back to sleep. Sometimes that took HOURS though, so I lost a lot of sleep. At one point I thought I was putting Rowen to shame.

But that hurt. I was still afraid to go back to the guys, but Kojiro did convince me to call them. I remember the shaky message vividly. I made sure that they wouldn't be home so I could get the answering machine. After hearing the voices of everyone in the house (myself included) say something, I left my message. "Hello? It's me, Cye. I, I'm sorry I left you guys a few nights ago, but, something happened. It's not necessarily bad, and it's not necessarily good, either, but I need to handle this on my own. Besides, I'm a bit embarrassed to even consider returning. Until I can gather up the courage to talk to you guys, I guess, I guess this is good-bye. I really am sorry, I just can't- I don't know, but, things are just so, complicated. I'm afraid to come home. Kento, Ryo, Rowen, Sage, Mia, Yuli, White Blaze, please, please just remember I'll try to come back some day. Today just isn't that day."

Click.

Kojiro also suggested something that there was no way in hell I was going to do. "Hey, Cye?" he asked one night. He had a sketch pad out and was drawing something.

"Yeah?" I asked after putting Ariel down for the night. She gurgled at me. I cooed back at her, smiling as brightly as I could. I sat down next to the crib, my hand inside of it. I always (gently) rubbed her head before she went to sleep. During one of the courses I'd taken on teen parenting, I learned that one of the most critical things you should do is make sure that the baby gets lots of affection and love, or else they won't be able to show it later and life. That was a habit I had formed since I learned about it.

Kojiro looked thoughtful, popping a bubble from his ever present bubble gum. "You think you might need to see a shrink or something?"

I gave him an odd look. "Why would I need to see a shrink?"

"Well, the way I see it, you may still have some of that internal pressure, and a shrink could also help you prepare yourself emotionally for parenthood," said Kojiro. "I mean, yeah, the classes are working, but dude, you got RAPED. And one thing I learned in school was that the victim needs immediate medial and psychiatric attention, one of which you didn't get since you were so freaked out." (After rape, I would sneak periodically out to get myself tested for STDs and HIV. The guys never found out)

"Koji," I said, "I don't need any therapy! You can't make me go to therapy!"

The next morning, I awoke to see Kojiro standing over me with rope, a gag, and a blindfold. "KOJIRO! WHAT ARE YOU- MMMPHHH!" I cried, as the struggle began. Man, was he strong for a guy his size! He flipped me onto my back and tied my hands behind my back.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?!" I demanded.

"You're going to see Dr. Mujara, the TCC's psychologist."

"NO!"

"Yes you are."

"NO I'M NOT!!!!!" I said. "Lemme go!"

"Sorry, no can do, Cye, you need this, trust me," he said.

I started to kick, slipping out of my binds. I leapt to the other side of my bed and shook my head, my arms crossed. "Nope, huh uh, no way, Koji," I said.

"Cye? You're going."

After dragging me kicking and screaming down to Dr. Mujara's office, he sat me in a chair and then ran to lock the door. "Doc, you might want the nerve gas for this one! He's gonna bolt!"

I looked over at Dr. Mujara. She was a little old lady with huge glasses in a violet floral dress. Her hair was white and in a bun with two black chopsticks sticking out of it. "Nerve gas? Oh, that won't be necessary."

"Wanna bet?" I snapped. I was in a REAL bad mood. Kojiro had tried to tie me up and was forcing me to see this, this, PSYCHIATRIST!

Dr. Mujara blinked and grabbed her clipboard. "Make yourself comfy, all right?" she said.

I plopped down in a very uncomfortable looking wooden chair. Dr. Mujara referred to the shrink's couch (You know the ones that people usually lie down on in the movies?). "Over here?"

I sighed and walked over, sitting down. "All right," I said. "What do you want?"

"Mr. . . Mouri, is it?" said Dr. Mujara. "You're afraid of shrinks, aren't you?"
"What do you mean, afraid of a stupid shrink?" I said, laughing. "I'm not afraid-"

"You are, the look on your face and your selection of words prove it. Why? Were you ever hypnotized as a kid?" she asked.

I was about to snap back when I realized something. Sae once tried to hypnotize me with a yo-yo and told me she'd make me walk off a cliff. "My sister once threatened to hypnotize me and make me do some dangerous stuff," I said.

"Let's make a deal; You give me a civil attitude and I wont' hypnotize you, all right?" she said.

I shifted in my seat. "All right."

"Now, your friend-"

"Traitor."

"I thought you said you were going to act civil."

"He tried to tie me up."

"Oh, well, then, Kojiro told me that you had some internal pressures surrounding your daughter. Care to give me the details? I won't tell anyone about my findings, all right?" said Dr. Mujara.

I poured out the whole story to here eventually crying on her shoulder. "I was so scared," I said, sniffling. "I, I was just fifteen, I didn't want to-"

"I think I can guess what happened afterwards," she said.

"No, not quite. She skipped town without even telling me. I met up with her after she had the baby and tried sticking her in an orphanage," I said. "That's why I skipped town. My friends, they're all HUGE on this kind of stuff, they think that teen parents are irresponsible horn dogs. If they ever found out . . ."

"Do you think they're more upset over the baby, or you running away?" she asked.

"I don't know, Rowen and Ryo are both runaways, they'd be WAY more upset over Ariel," I said. Rowen had run away from his abusive father and Ryo had run away from the orphanage.

Dr. Mujara nodded. "Well, if you honestly think that they're going to react like that. Maybe they really aren't your friends-"

"No, I'd trust them with my life," I said. And for that matter I have, I thought. "But, they'd definitely put me lower on their list, so to speak. They might try to make me give up Ariel!"

"That, I don't think they would do. Theoretically, if they believe so strongly that teen parents are irresponsible horn dogs, then they'll be pleased that you're trying to take responsibility. Besides, did you not say that you were raped?"

"Shelia threatened my life and Ariel's life-" I started, then my eyes widened. "Oh no!"

"Relax, she won't find out that you've told me what you have, Cye, this is between you, Kojiro, and me" said Dr. Mujara. "Now, take me advice. Go back to sleep and relax, then come back here on your own, then you'll be ready for step two, all right?"

"Step two?" I asked. "Whatever-"

"You've already taken the first step, talking to me."

"So do you think I'm going to be all right?" I asked.

"Positive. And your 'traitor' did the right thing by 'dragging you kicking and screaming' down here. Agreed?" said Dr. Mujara.

"I'd better go apologize to him," I said, standing up. "Thanks, Doc."

"No sweat."

I went back into our room, and smiled. I saw Kojiro was holding Ariel, making baby faces, talking in "baby" talk, and playing with her. "You are so cute, you know that? Yes you are, yes you are- Cye how long have you been standing there?" I laughed at the look on his face.

"Long enough," I said. "I don't mind you playing with her, I mean you're basically going to be a secondary father figure, or some sort of an uncle, at least."

"But I'm not the mushy type!"

"I know, Kojiro, I know."