Awakenings
Part 2: "Beyond"
By: Loralei Fairhill
Rated: R (read: If you can't handle mature material, you shouldn't
be here.)
Genre: AR
"For some autumn comes early, stays late through life where October
follows September and November touches October and then instead of
December and Christ's birth, there is no Bethlehem Star, no
rejoicing, but September comes again and old October and so on down
the years, with no winter, spring or revivifying summer. For these
beings, fall is the ever normal season, the only weather, there be
no choice beyond. Where do they come from? The dust. Where do they
go? The grave. Does blood stir in their veins? No: the night wind.
What ticks in their head? The worm. What speaks from their mouth?
The toad. What sees from their eye? The snake. What hears with their
ear? The abyss between the stars. They sift the human storm for souls,
eat flesh of reason, fill tombs with sinners. They frenzy forth. In
gusts they beetle-scurry, creep, thread, filter, motion, make all
moons sullen, and surely cloud all clear-run waters. The spider-web
hears them, trembles--breaks. Such are the autumn people. Beware of
them."
~Pastor Newgate Phillips, excerpt from Ray Bradbury's _Something
Wicked This Way Comes_
Music: For the first scene play "Illness Illusion" (Gackt/Malice
Mizer). Then put on "Drain" (X-Japan)or Scars (X-Japan), whichever
you prefer. Malice Mizer's Syunikiss ~Nidomenoaito~ comes next. The
Waltz: Buck-Tick's
Seduction scene: "Voiceless Screaming" (X-Japan). Then Candy Lo's
"Screaming." Endy's panpipes: Gackt's Aries (MARS 1st track). The
tryst: Buck-Tick's "Paradise." Ending: "Crucify My Love" (X-Japan),
"The Dream Within" (Lara Fabian).
It is for this chapter that I rate the story R. Don't yell at me if
you end up reading some material you didn't count on, okay? You've
been warned thoroughly. It's not my fault if you decided not to
listen and read it anyway. It is for sex and not violence that I
rate this R. ^^;
Yes, this is the last chapter. And if you don't like the ending,
tough nuggets, I won't write another. *humph* I reserve the right
as an EMSiT to write evil endings as well as evil cliff-hangers
and not resolve them EVER. So deal with it, I make no promises to
continue this. . . .
"Luna! You come back here with that mask, evil kitty!" she
screeched, hurtling pell-mell after said escaping feline. "I still
have to wear it to the party and I'm leaving in a few minutes!"
Luna surged forward down the hallway, turned left into
Usagi's bedroom and, with her typical slinking motion, slid under
the closet door to put the mask onto her pile of "treasures." She
re-emerged to the sight of a tousled, panting mistress in a ball
gown fit for Venetian Carnivale. Her violet eyes seemed to smirk,
saying, "I can give and I can take away. I am cat--hear me roar!"
But this time, the beautifully dressed and horribly late
blond-haired woman had no patience for her Bast*-follower's games.
She rushed over to the mirrored doorway (her cat's hideaway) and
hurriedly pulled it open, in a rush to both find the mask and show
her pet once and for all it was she who ruled the apartment.
Her cat's hideaway wasn't nearly as neatly put together as
she had expected. A mesh of discarded black hair and gnawed shoe-
linings formed a small nest where Luna enjoyed napping. In one corner
was a pile of items Usagi had turned the apartment upside-down
looking for month after month: silver filigree hairclips, her
favorite romance novel, scraps of paper with friends' phone numbers
stolen from her address book. Right on top, almost crowning the items,
was the masque.
"Thank Kami I found this!" Usagi hugged the Baron's gorgeous
gift to her chest and rushed away, her dress rustling echoes down
the hall after her. "There's cat food in your bowl and fresh milk
on the counter," she called over her shoulder. "I'll be back later,
Luna, and we'll discuss this mess you've made. 'Bye!"
The door slammed in her wake, effectively silencing the one-
ended conversation.
Tilting her head sideways as only a cat can do, Luna stared
blankly after her mistress. Since when had she ever been so excited
about an insipid party? And exactly what made her think this was
going to be a good party? Her feline instincts were telling her that
although this meeting was necessary, she might have to go look for a
new owner soon. Usagi would probably enjoy her brief liaison with the
Baron . . . and most likely, she would never return.
If a cat ever thought to shrug, it was at that moment that Luna
did so. And then she pretended nothing had happened and smiled as she
tramped out to drink the creamy milk that awaited her on the Formica
kitchen counter.
~^^~
Threading her way through the huge crowd of bodies dressed for
what seemed to be a Mardi Gras in Hell, Usagi scanned the numerous
faces for the Baron's. Everywhere she turned seemed to hold new
horrors: some women seemed to be straight from the bowels of Hades
with their long, stringy hair, white shrouds and vacant eyes, while
others were so scantily clad she wondered how their costumes stayed
up; there were loin-clothed men readying their broadswords as they
exchanged heated words with each other, green-skinned boys who
resembled un-leafed trees, and demon-esque creatures laughing insanely
as they took turns trying to outdo one another in feats of agility
and stupidity (Usagi marveled for a moment longer than was prudent
at one who jumped to the ceiling and remained crouching on the huge,
crystal chandelier; he immediately turned his burning gaze on her and,
hurling himself to the ground in an almost graceful manner, started
in her direction; she promptly fled to the opposite side of the
ballroom).
Usagi continued her search for the Baron, fruitless though it
was. He was not yet ready for her to discover him. He waited, silent
as a moon-shadow, in a corner of the ballroom, surrounded by a
cavalcade of female demons attempting to proposition him.
She turned in slow waltz-circles, surveying the room, ignoring
the bloodred drapes covering the bay windows, the black crystal of
the chandelier, the dais in the corner that looked suspiciously like
a throne. She'd have to ask Endymion about these things when she
found him; they reminded her oddly of a royal chamber, just as
these creatures gathered here forced her to think that they might
be subjects. Flicking her eyes from side to side as she meandered
through the crowd, Usagi came to the decision that these revelers
were definitely Hell-sent. What other place in the universe held
such life? (If it could even be called life: she had it on good
faith that half of these guests weren't alive in that sense of the
word.)
A slow gavotte began, scratching an ancient melody from an
even older gramophone, and Endymion ended her vain seeking. He stepped
up behind her, and, placing his arms about her waist, pulled her into
the dance. She was caught by surprise at first and stiffened in his
grasp, but then relaxed when she realized to whom the strong hands
belonged.
"I didn't think you were coming to your own party," she said
above the din the other guests were making.
"You're quite the silly one, aren't you?" He laughed, deep-
throated and glorious. "Of course I had to come because you promised
to be here."
She blushed under his sudden compliment and her flushed cheeks
gained an even deeper hue of red as he stared down into her eyes.
"Beautiful . . ." he murmured. "You look absolutely beautiful
tonight."
"I . . . thank-thank you." Damn, I sound so nervous! she
thought unhappily. I must seem like such a child to him.
"Not the child I had thought you to be . . ." he said, echoing
her thoughts.
"How did you know what I was thinking?"
He smiled mysteriously. "I knew. I'll always know, Usagi," he
whispered, and she shivered as his lips dipped to her neck where
they brushed the pulse point lightly.
"En-Endy, please," she begged. "Don't. . . ."
"I thought this was what you wanted?" He moved back, but
retained her in his embrace. "You were looking for something that
day we met. Wasn't it this?" His gaze fell onto her mouth, intense
and hot. "Wasn't it?"
We're close, Usagi thought hazily, too close. I can feel his
breath on my face . . . Kami-sama, I want him to kiss me!
"What do you want me to do, Usagi?" he said almost inaudibly.
They were so close that they were almost breathing the same air.
Her eyes were half-closed in response to his proximity, awaiting
something she didn't quite understand.
"I don't know . . ." she replied.
"Yes, you do. Show me." It was almost an order, but she hardly
noticed.
Unsurely, she pulled herself closer to him, placing her hands
on either side of his face, fingers lightly caressing his cheeks in
butterfly strokes. Her lips brushed his, barely touching and at the
same time, completely burning into both of them. Usagi blinked, as
if awakening from sleep, or a spell, and then shrugged out of his
arms. He caught her by her wrists before she could completely escape
him.
"No. Not after that tantalizing glimpse of ecstasy . . . you'd
leave me now?"
Her eyes went wide, almost glowing an ethereal color blue.
Endymion's hands held both of hers, and he used the leverage to drag
her back into his embrace. A startled gasp escaped her lips,
unintentionally drawing his attention to them. He smiled again,
seductively this time, his eyes dark and full of the promise of
fervent night-whispers.
"Endy . . . I can't. . . ."
"Why?" His arms came up around her, his hands gently resting
against the back of her ornate outfit. She'd almost forgotten she
was wearing it, where she was. . . . Endymion's hold on her mind had
grown much stronger.
"Wh-what about Selene?" she whimpered, looking up at him, as
his hands roamed more freely and found the zipper that held up the
top portion of the dress.
He stiffened for a moment, but met her gaze steadily. "I lost
her a long time ago. Someday, I'll find her again, but for now . . .
for now, you are the one I want. Please, Usagi. . . ." He kissed her
neck where it met her jaw-line, then made his way up to her mouth,
where he lightly touched her lips with his, a mirror of her actions
mere moments before.
She closed her eyes and gave herself up to his kisses, her
thoughts flying wide in the wild haze of passion he stirred within
her. She had never felt such emotions before.
His lips are so soft, so tender . . . have I ever before . . .?
He broke away suddenly, breathing hard. Their kisses had been
chaste. He had done nothing wrong, but guilt was worming its way
into his mind.
"Endymion?"
Usagi's voice sounds so far away, he thought. "I'm sorry. We've
been doing this in such a public place. I shouldn't have taken it so
far in front of the other guests."
She blushed slightly. "I-it's okay." The corners of her mouth
curled up in a soft smile. Unexpectedly, his hand found its way to
hers and held it tightly, their fingers intertwined together.
"Come with me upstairs, Usagi."
"En-Endy, that hardly seems appropriate--"
"D-do you really want this? Me? Or . . . is it pretense? I
can't force you. I won't. Only come if you desire to. If you
desire me."
Perhaps it was the look in his eyes, pleading as if this were
the only thing he had ever sought his whole existence, that showed
her a hidden vulnerable side to his personality. She found herself
nodding and following closely as he made his way through the
terrifying crowd of inhuman creatures towards the black-and-white-
marbled staircase. Luckily, she could not see the triumph glittering
like cold jewels in his sea-colored eyes.
Usagi . . . sweet Usagi . . . you're mine now. He smirked to
himself, blond-haired victim in tow.
~^^~
His kisses, they are so much sweeter than wine, she thought.
Endymion had pulled her down the corridor, through a maze of rooms,
and then placed her down on a bed. Her mind reeled, thoughtless and
filled with white-edged passion.
Don't get distracted, he warned himself. Remember your purpose;
remember what you are here for! But her feverishly warm mouth pressed
against his neck, and he allowed it to drown his senses in a blissful
oblivion.
"En-Endy . . . Endymion . . ." Usagi sighed into the velvety
black strands of his hair where they fell into her face.
"Please . . ."
His hands found the clasps and zipper of her costume and she
stilled her writhing movement beneath him, breathing harshly.
Eye to eye, glittering, they stared for moments and then he
began to devour her again. Her garments peeled away gladly, leaving
her nude and glorious, and her hair wound around them both having
long ago been freed from its styling.
He stilled his furious motion for a moment, raising himself
in a modified push-up fashion over her body to speak with a voice
made husky from kisses and passion. "Usagi . . . dear, sweet
Usagi . . . are you truly sure this is what you desire?" he asked.
Her nails raked down his chest lightly, drawing a gasp from
his lips. She looked up at him with dark eyes and responded merely,
"Somehow . . . somehow I know you are the only one I want to bring
me to the edge of Paradise and back, Endy. Because . . .
because . . ."
"Hush. You don't have to say it now," he protested.
She silenced him with a single finger against his lips, which
decided of their own accord to distract her from her purpose by
brushing against the offending digit lightly. "Yes, I do," she
muttered. "Endymion . . . I think . . . I think I'm falling in love
with you. So . . ."
"I know." And he resumed his previous venture of exploring
every inch of her body.
Her quick sigh of relief surged into another frenzy of skin
against skin and incomparable pleasure. Their lips merged as he
brought them to the sky-scraping heights that only an unslaked lust
--or was it love?--could bring. Spent, they curled against each other
in the center of his large bed and allowed their drowsy eyes to shut;
even in their dreams, they knew that they would not be separated.
Endymion woke a few hours later as was his habit after such
an excursion. He lifted her head gently from its resting place on
his chest and, carefully so as not startle her from her sleep, he
tenderly brushed vagrant pieces of hair back from her cheeks.
Staring at her placidly sleeping face in that moment, knowing
she loved him as the others had not, he was unable to follow through
with the deed.
"I can't do it. I can't take this from her. She's so . . .
she's innocent and good and everything that the others were not.
Damn it, I can't!"
"Say it, Endymion," Toiki suddenly pleaded into his mind,
"speak the word to call forth her soul to you! Devour it with
pleasure and know we will live another hundred years to seek our
beloved ones. . . ."
"No, sister. This time, I cannot. She is too precious to me.
Perhaps if she did not remind me so of Selene, I could do it.
Perhaps if she had not spoken of her love for me, I would have no
qualms about stealing her life force and journeying on to another
place to search for the moon goddess. No, sister, her soul must be
given to me freely, if I could accept it at all."
"Damn you, fool!" Toiki screeched, suddenly appearing beside
the bed in which he and Usagi lay, limbs entwined together like rose
brambles. "Say it! All you have to do is utter the word 'Awaken' and
she will be ours!" She shook with angry desperation. "Don't you want
to find Selene? Don't you care that Toride will return to a world
without me if you refuse to do this? Endymion, little brother, I'm
begging you. I want to be here when he is reincarnated. This is the
only way . . . the only way!" She sobbed into her clear hands; the
tears falling were as ethereal as her shadow cast into the doorway.
"Toiki, this is not the way. The evil has gone on for far too
long. I wipe my hands of the whole affair," he said, unceremoniously
throwing the covers back and ignoring his state of undress as he
started towards her.
"As you wish, Endy, as you wish," she whispered softly. Her
shadow dimmed, her tears sighed into nothingness and she started to
disappear forever. The lack of a fresh life force had caught up with
her after using all of her energy in her attempt to goad Endymion
into killing Usagi. "Someday you will regret your foolishness, my
only brother, for in a few hours from now, you will no longer exist,
you will fade as I am fading, die as I am dying. . . . And if you
are reincarnated, I only hope that you will find your precious Usagi
again, for she is Selene, though you cannot see through the thin
veneer of a soul as I can, though you may only steal them, never
knowing . . . never knowing who they truly are!" Only her eyes
remained at this point, still gushing with unhappy tears. Even so,
Endymion could hear her smile as she called, "Awaken, Toride, I am
returning to you. . . ."
He wept too, then, for the loss of his sister, his only
companion, and for the loss that he would suffer when Usagi left
him. While his tears flooded through his carefully tended wall of
control against the sorrowful emotions overwhelming him, he prayed
to Hypnos, the god of dreams who had helped him to stay alive when
Selene was killed, and who had watched over him through the long
years and guided Usagi to his side.
"Take me back," he said, "I want to remember just once before
I must leave her. Please, take me back to that morning. . . ."
Hypnos smiled benevolently from his place next to the Fates'
wheel. "Yes, Endymion," said he, "remember and forget."
~~insert omnipresent force that can turn back time~~
Hyperion woke from his death-like trance of sleep, yawning
sunlight into the world. His chariot began its slow arching path
across the heavens and in between the meadows of stars, shining
brightly, bestowing the gift of light on the world.
"Endymion!" Toiki's voice came from somewhere near his head.
Her tone scolded him, and he suddenly realized that it had been his
turn to rise before Hyperion's path began to drive the sheep out to
pasture. "Endymion, you imbecile, wake up! I'm not going to ask you
again. You know if I snitch on you . . . you'll get into a lot of
trouble, so get your lazy butt out of bed!"
The blankets were jerked out of his fisted hands and yanked
off the bed, leaving him both freezing in the morning air and exposed
to his sister's vision. She had conveniently forgotten that he slept
in the nude. He held breath for a moment, then covered his ears
against her outraged wail of disgust.
"How many times have I told you not to sleep like that?! One
would think that after I've done this a million times you'd come to
the conclusion that I do not enjoy seeing a full view of my idiot
little brother!" she huffed angrily.
"You could have fooled me . . ." he mumbled to himself. He
managed to drag his head and body halfway up to sit on his pallet.
"And anyway, Toiki, you know that you could never betray me because
of one simple fact."
"Which is?" she snarled.
"You're invisible," he replied with a smirk.
She let out an audible whoosh of air that resembled an
exasperated sigh and turned around. "Get dressed and tend to your
duties. I won't help you again." With that, she traipsed out of his
room and away.
Endymion chuckled to himself.
Some hours later, he was lazily reclining on a rock, panpipes
in hand, as the wind tickled his lips with its cool breath.
Ah, it is sweet to ignore life's other chores and simply watch
the sheep as they graze on the hills around me, he thought dreamily.
He brought the pipes to his mouth and blew across them lightly,
enjoying the thin, reedy sound that they emitted. As he put more
force into it, he thought he heard an echo of a flute-like resonance
in the distance.
Laying them down carefully beside him for a moment, he stopped
and waited silently, listening.
Yes! There it is again, that strange silhouette of the melody I
played but an instant ago . . . and . . . it seems closer somehow.
He shrugged and grinned slightly. "Toiki's right. I do have an
over-active imagination as well as the attitude of a sloth." With that,
he tumbled himself off the rock and onto the soft grass, landed
spread-eagle, and promptly fell asleep.
A few moments later, a chill feeling roused him from slumber
and the glaring sunlight was blocked by a shadow looming over his
closed eyelids. Endymion felt his skin prick with cold and swatted
sleepily at the object blocking his access to the sun's warming rays.
"You're in my light, you know," he muttered in annoyance without
opening his eyes.
Unexpectedly, the voice that replied was female and melodious.
"Maybe you should move. I was here first, you know, e'er before you
walked this Earth."
Her words piqued his curiosity to such a great degree that he
rolled unceremoniously onto his back, raised himself up, and stood
face to face with her. Unduly surprised by her appearance (beyond
her voice's beauty), he fell back again onto his rear with a grunt.
Her laughter was more musical than he could have imagined.
"What a child you still are!" she exclaimed willfully and, grasping
his hands in hers, flung him back onto his feet.
Unbalanced, he shifted wearily and rubbed his face with his
grass-stained palms. "Must be dreaming," he mumbled. "Can't be
seeing this. She's not real. Endy, you fool, when did you start
believing in the Gods?" He looked up again, only to see that she
had moved closer to him, her proximity enough to allow her billowing
cream-colored gown to brush his bare legs seductively.
"Hm, Endy, is it? Well, Endy, show me something about mortals
I've yet to learn. I know their deference to a Goddess. I want to
experience their --how to say? --Mortality. Can you show me this
thing I desire?" Her lips, red like garnets, captivated him so much
so that he barely noted the words coming forth, rather (instead)
enjoyed their movement and he wondered, momentarily, what it might
be like if he--
"Endy? Is that short for Endymion by any chance? I've seen a
boy . . . hm, much like yourself . . . wandering around these
mountains at night with a flock of sheep."
"Sheep?" Endymion blinked and shook his head.
"Yes, sheep." She was laughing at him again. "You know, those
things that look like overgrown fuzzy white balls that sometimes
have black horns and bleat constantly?"
"Oh. Yes, er . . . that would be me . . ." he finished with
a foppish grin.
"Come, then. You must know these this part of the world
better than anyone. Show me, please?"
Could she be closer, he wondered? Her hands brushed up his
forearms. It had been the shadows chilling him before, trailing
along his skin, but now, he realized, it wasn't that at all; it
was desire. Stop, Endy, you brute. She's a goddess. You're a
mortal, you imbecile. This is forbidden. Stop it!
"Endy?"
He realized abruptly that he hadn't responded to her request.
"Yes. I mean . . . yes! Of course, I would be honored and
delighted . . . to . . ." he trailed off with a dazed and star-struck
expression on his face, for she had kissed his cheek, brushed her
lips along the corner of his mouth, and stepped back, waiting for
him to lead her whither they might wander.
Hours later, they were walking hand in hand down the grassy
expanse of a meadow some miles away from the place they had first
met. Selene's desire to know more of the lives of men had made
itself clearer as they walked. She asked questions of everything
from their diet to their rituals for burying the dead. Finally,
when they reached the edge of a small copse of trees, she stopped.
"Endy, this is where I must leave you," she said, her voice
like the music of the wind.
"But you've only just come this afternoon. And--"
"Hush. This world is marvelous, and you are so very kind to
have shown me such things as I never imagined, nevertheless . . ."
"Nevertheless?" he prompted.
"It is not destined that I stay here." Her luminous face
turned skyward to stare at the daytime moon hanging scimitar-like
in the sky. "That, you see that in the sky there," she pointed to
the heavenly body, "that is where I belong." She sighed sorrowfully
and turned back to him. "That is my home, Endy. Where I was born,
where I will die, and the place from which I shall look down upon
the Earth to see your handsome face."
He blushed slightly at her comment, but boldly grasped her
hand harder against his. "I won't let you leave. I haven't shown
you Mortality yet."
Her cheeks reddened slightly. "It was rash of me to ask for
such a thing. I see now that it is not the same for you as it is
for us; there is more involved, more emotions and . . . the thing
you called love."
"And if I were to ask it of you?" he questioned, clasping her
other hand and entwining their fingers together tightly.
"You need only ask to have it granted."
Their hands still meshed together, he stepped closer, searching
her face for the truth. Finding what he wanted after a moment, he
leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. She responded, her tongue a
quick flick of wetness against his, and he was immediately lost.
Lying on the grass with her underneath the pinprick of a
thousand stars in the night-sky's midnight-colored quilt was bliss.
His fingertips traveled down her arms slowly, and he reveled in the
feel of the tingling rush the contact brought. She broke the
peaceful silence with a mellow whisper.
"I really do have to leave now. Still . . . I want to stay.
This thing you've shown me, Mortality. . . . It has no equivalent
where I come from."
He chuckled boyishly. "It doesn't, hm?"
"No, and-and . . . Endy, I wish to be mortal. This thing
you've shown me, Endy . . . this thing is so precious. Not the
actual act, but the feelings behind it. I loved spending the day
with you, sharing stories of your home and your life. And--"
"Do you really have to go back?" he interjected into her
babble. "Because-because I don't want you to! If you leave . . .
I'd try to follow. Anywhere in this universe, anywhere you go from
here, I'd follow."
"Endy, I'm not fit for mortal love in this form . . . it
overwhelms and consumes me. But . . . no, never mind. I could never
ask that of you!" she exclaimed suddenly. "I won't ask that of you,"
she murmured, covering her face with her hands in shame.
"You need only ask to have it granted."
Slowly, she uncurled herself from her slightly embarrassed
position and looked into his eyes. The sincerity reflected in their
cobalt depths was too much for her to bear, and tears began to trail
one by one in increasing armies down her cheeks.
"I will come back, Endy," she said as she brushed one of her
tears away and fisted it. A glow began to emit from the tear,
increasing until it almost escaped her closed palm. "And when I do,
you will be here with me." The light died abruptly.
"And I will be her waiting," he told her.
Endymion didn't notice that she began to fade slowly away into
the night even as she smiled sadly through her farewell kiss.
It was her smile that haunted him when he found the truth of
her gift. Because of it, and because of her, he vowed that
time's passage would not stop him from reaching the day when
they would be reunited.
And so, through the ages, despite wars, famines, plagues, and
mysterious maidens vanishing into the night, Endymion lived only to
keep his promise to her, uncaring whether the rest of the world
should crumble and fall to ruins around him in the process.
The time of the Gods came and went and the last God to
surrender, Hypnos, was the only one to ever know that Endymion and
Selene had loved and lost (for they had slept and dreamed and he
knew of their dearest hopes).
Perhaps, he thought, perhaps one day I may be able to aide
them, if only to give them a second chance at happiness.
It went thus, and flowed forward, and time provided for
Endymion to be locked away if only to protect him from discovery
until the wheels of fate might reunite him with Selene once
more. . . .
~~insert omnipresent force that can return time to the present~~
"Usagi. My sweet, innocent Usagi." He gently combed his fingers
through her long, sleep-fluffed hair. His lips softly brushed her
forehead, her cheek, her mouth with warmth. "How I wish I could stay.
How I wish Toiki had spoken the truth when she said that you are
Selene's reincarnation. Alas, alas! This shimmering dream must come
to an end." Endymion's throat closed with emotion, choking his words.
He had to swallow quite a few times before he was able again to speak,
and then, closing his eyes against the pain, he merely bid farewell,
for he could not manage anything else without breaking down and
possibly waking her.
She turned over in her sleep, hands caressing the pillow, legs
entwined in the sheets. She barely noticed the chill wind that settled
on his now vacant side of the bed as he stood, still looking for all
the world like a man who had lost everything.
"I loved you Tsukino Usagi, truly. I love you still. Forgive me,"
he said and fled the room, the house . . . and as he ran, his memories
tumbled skyward along with his tormented soul. Bit by bit, his body
faded as his sister's had only a few hours prior. Tears plummeted
down his cheeks, dripping from his chin to sully the wooden floors
and thick carpets with acidic despair. Moments crawled to stare,
and seconds stopped to watch as he disappeared forever; a final
scream of his beloved's name was the last sound to echo from his
faded lips.
~^^~
Sleep was hers. Deep-drifting and complete in its silence,
it enveloped her in the eternity of immobile centuries. Usagi floated,
tumbled weightlessly, swam from dream to nightmare to dream again,
unaware of the passing time and her state of unconsciousness. Through
it all was the splendid thought that Endymion had given her something,
something so pure and undeniably precious that grew and grew within
her still-slim form. No true understanding of this passed from her
heart to her mind, but that did not matter; when she awoke, she knew
her child would be near birth and he would be with her once more. To
live a memory may be kinder to the poor soul who has lost her one
true desire; nevertheless, in the end . . . it will truly only cause
more pain.
But it was not Endymion's dulcet, shiver-inducing caresses
that jerked her from her wondrous slumber. White noise shimmered
around her prone form, crackling static and voices bouncing endlessly
from wall to room to floor and back. Her eyes stretched open just
in time for her to see the doorway shake, the covers float shapeless
to the floor. The room trembled and spun, and Usagi screamed high and
piteous. The house did not heed, and neither Endymion nor Toiki could
rush to her aide, for they had both turned into something worse than
dust or ashes. As Usagi watched, voiceless and staring, the paint on
the walls cracked and peeled, the varnished furniture crumbled to
dirt; pieces of ceiling began to fall, caked with mold and grime,
aged beyond recognition; what had once been a fabulous room in a
wordlessly beautiful mansion was fading before her eyes.
Her feet somehow gained a mind of their own, for in an instant
she was fairly flying through the hallways and down the stairwells,
seeking an exit or a place to claim sanctuary.
All of the hollows were smooth and closed; all of the exits
shut tightly. She managed to thread herself through one of the
smoky-glassed windows that the castle boasted. As her legs tripped
and careened away from Ibusu Shiro, her ears picked up the faint
beginning strains of a torpid collapse. She turned her head in
time to see the whole building crumble to unrecognizable ruins
that blurred to dust through her vagrant tears.
Paling considerably, she backed away from the rubble, hands
clutching her stomach protectively. She swiveled on her heel,
careful to keep her balance and started to sprint down the hill
to her car. On the way, however, her foot caught in a small rut in
the grass, perhaps where a stone might have lain, and she fell
head over heels. She reached the bottom considerably scraped up,
but with no major injuries, save a massive headache. She felt across
her belly, searching for movement, for any pains, signs that
something went wrong. Usagi breathed a slow sigh of relief; perhaps
it left her lips a moment too soon.
It was then that a warm trickling began, escalating to a
coursing river down her leg. She lifted her skirt and reached down
to touch her calf; her hand came back wet and crimson-brushed with
blood.
"No! No, no, no . . ." she whimpered desperately. "You can't
take this too! It-it's all I have left of him. . . ." The ground
shook closer as the blood loss started to register in her brain.
Falling to her knees, drained of any strength or will to resist,
she allowed herself to succumb to the darkness that might lead to
death. Floating in that limbo between the worlds, she found she
couldn't care enough to journey back to consciousness; with neither
Endymion nor their child, she had no reason left to live.
~^^~
The product of their love truly did miscarry, much to Usagi's
horror. It was all she had left of him, and she lost that as well.
But there was nothing she could do, and she knew in the depths of
her heart that it was never meant to be. Such extreme ends of the
spectrum should not have met, nor fallen in love, nor attempted to
procreate. The absurdity of it forced her to laugh, ironic and harsh,
sounding foreign to her ears.
Her days after the "accident" were spent in contemplation of
the universe's perverse sense of humor as the television blinked its
images. After a while, she didn't know the difference between the
blue screen that popped up when a channel couldn't be received and
a bad soap opera; all she saw was his face crowned with the light.
The nurses were kind enough, she supposed. But then, she
didn't really desire their sympathy or their pity. Her heart had
mutilated itself with longing for Endymion, knowing that he was
never going to return and yet still strove to keep his memory
fresh instead of obliterating it and moving on.
On the day she was finally released from the hospital, she
knew it was only a matter of time before she gave up completely.
Who am I to live for now that he is gone? And my child . . .
the poor lost soul now doomed to wander, searching endlessly for
her mother who will never come. . . . I feel at fault here. Why
did I have to fall in love with him in so little time? It's almost
implausible and idiotic, and yet . . . I know this is what the
fates planned. I should not doubt. I'll try to carry on. He may
yet return. . . .
The first rays of sunlight to hit her face after being
sheltered in the hospital for a month burned into her closed
eyelids as she turned her face towards them. As she thought of
the legend of Hyperion, the Sun Titan, she prayed to all that
was light and good in the Heavens and on Earth that she might
again hold her Endymion. But in her intuition told a different
story and she knew, even as she called in prayer to all gods
in every time, space, and culture, that she would never see
him again in this life.
~^^~
Usagi's existence without Endymion was a bleak one: rising
at dawn's hazy light, taking the subway to the paper, listlessly
typing useless, incomprehensible words at her desk, following the
crowd of overworked, underpaid, anonymous faces home again,
slumping on the bed and falling into dreamless slumber. Years
inched by, Endymion never surfaced again, and she gave up hope
of ever finding him.
What have I become? she asked herself as the minutes, hours,
and days passed. And what will become of me?
Curling into the empty shell of her former self, she vowed
that there would never be a time when she would forget him or what
they had shared. She swore that she would find him, and they would
regain their fleeting happiness, only this time it would extend
into infinity.
Regrettably, Endymion was nowhere to be found though she
searched decade after decade. He had disappeared as completely
as a shadow at full noon, leaving no visible trace. She eventually
gave up, decided that she must go where he had gone, and somehow
found her way to the wraith-misted cave that had protected him
whilst Lady Fate had forced his thread of destiny to falter for
centuries.
She traveled down the deserted, echoing passageways, seeking
an unknown end. Finally, she came upon what she sought.
"A poetic death," she whispered as she stepped closer to
the edge of the endless abyss and to her demise, "may make my wishes
come true." Closing her eyes, thinking all the while of her love,
she gracefully dove off of the side. Float-falling into eternity,
almost as if asleep, she descended. And thus, she was no more.
~^^~
There can never be a happy ending when a creature of darkness
seeks to love one of the light. Such a joining would be condemned
and broken as soon as it strove to exist. Because Usagi and
Endymion's love sought to merge those two unmixable opposites,
they were forced to follow separate destinies. Perhaps after many
reincarnations and centuries, (if Endymion were ever to die, that
is) they might be happy. And then again, perhaps not, for the gods
are vindictive and would take great pleasure in keeping their very
different worlds apart. Someday, however, when planes of time and
space collide and the planets come into their own once again, it
will be possible. On that day, if one looks very closely into the
scrying pool, one will see their figures joyfully embracing amidst
a snowstorm of wildflowers and sunlight. And darkness will turn
into light at that moment; ultimate peace will have been achieved.
~~~~~~~~~~~@Loralei Fairhill
chapter completed 1/19/02
*Bast- the Egyptian God/dess who appears in the form of a cat. Sorry,
but Greek Gods shapeshifted . . . that wasn't their original form, so
I couldn't use it. ^^;
Name notes:
Obviously, Endymion and Selene are the shepherd and goddess,
respectively, from the myth where the moon goddess falls in love
with a mortal and sends him to sleep for a thousand years so she
can give him immortality in that sleep.
Toiki means "sigh" in Japanese. After all the pain I put this
character through, I thought I'd be nice and give her a fitting
name. I may release the side-story I wrote about her and her love
Toride ("fortress"), but only if minna writes to me and tells me
what they thought of this! ^^;
*does a little dance* THIRTEEN PAGES! Again, how lucky!! ^_^
~^^~ _Awakenings_ (c) Loralei Fairhill 1/19/02
Part 2: "Beyond"
By: Loralei Fairhill
Rated: R (read: If you can't handle mature material, you shouldn't
be here.)
Genre: AR
"For some autumn comes early, stays late through life where October
follows September and November touches October and then instead of
December and Christ's birth, there is no Bethlehem Star, no
rejoicing, but September comes again and old October and so on down
the years, with no winter, spring or revivifying summer. For these
beings, fall is the ever normal season, the only weather, there be
no choice beyond. Where do they come from? The dust. Where do they
go? The grave. Does blood stir in their veins? No: the night wind.
What ticks in their head? The worm. What speaks from their mouth?
The toad. What sees from their eye? The snake. What hears with their
ear? The abyss between the stars. They sift the human storm for souls,
eat flesh of reason, fill tombs with sinners. They frenzy forth. In
gusts they beetle-scurry, creep, thread, filter, motion, make all
moons sullen, and surely cloud all clear-run waters. The spider-web
hears them, trembles--breaks. Such are the autumn people. Beware of
them."
~Pastor Newgate Phillips, excerpt from Ray Bradbury's _Something
Wicked This Way Comes_
Music: For the first scene play "Illness Illusion" (Gackt/Malice
Mizer). Then put on "Drain" (X-Japan)or Scars (X-Japan), whichever
you prefer. Malice Mizer's Syunikiss ~Nidomenoaito~ comes next. The
Waltz: Buck-Tick's
Seduction scene: "Voiceless Screaming" (X-Japan). Then Candy Lo's
"Screaming." Endy's panpipes: Gackt's Aries (MARS 1st track). The
tryst: Buck-Tick's "Paradise." Ending: "Crucify My Love" (X-Japan),
"The Dream Within" (Lara Fabian).
It is for this chapter that I rate the story R. Don't yell at me if
you end up reading some material you didn't count on, okay? You've
been warned thoroughly. It's not my fault if you decided not to
listen and read it anyway. It is for sex and not violence that I
rate this R. ^^;
Yes, this is the last chapter. And if you don't like the ending,
tough nuggets, I won't write another. *humph* I reserve the right
as an EMSiT to write evil endings as well as evil cliff-hangers
and not resolve them EVER. So deal with it, I make no promises to
continue this. . . .
"Luna! You come back here with that mask, evil kitty!" she
screeched, hurtling pell-mell after said escaping feline. "I still
have to wear it to the party and I'm leaving in a few minutes!"
Luna surged forward down the hallway, turned left into
Usagi's bedroom and, with her typical slinking motion, slid under
the closet door to put the mask onto her pile of "treasures." She
re-emerged to the sight of a tousled, panting mistress in a ball
gown fit for Venetian Carnivale. Her violet eyes seemed to smirk,
saying, "I can give and I can take away. I am cat--hear me roar!"
But this time, the beautifully dressed and horribly late
blond-haired woman had no patience for her Bast*-follower's games.
She rushed over to the mirrored doorway (her cat's hideaway) and
hurriedly pulled it open, in a rush to both find the mask and show
her pet once and for all it was she who ruled the apartment.
Her cat's hideaway wasn't nearly as neatly put together as
she had expected. A mesh of discarded black hair and gnawed shoe-
linings formed a small nest where Luna enjoyed napping. In one corner
was a pile of items Usagi had turned the apartment upside-down
looking for month after month: silver filigree hairclips, her
favorite romance novel, scraps of paper with friends' phone numbers
stolen from her address book. Right on top, almost crowning the items,
was the masque.
"Thank Kami I found this!" Usagi hugged the Baron's gorgeous
gift to her chest and rushed away, her dress rustling echoes down
the hall after her. "There's cat food in your bowl and fresh milk
on the counter," she called over her shoulder. "I'll be back later,
Luna, and we'll discuss this mess you've made. 'Bye!"
The door slammed in her wake, effectively silencing the one-
ended conversation.
Tilting her head sideways as only a cat can do, Luna stared
blankly after her mistress. Since when had she ever been so excited
about an insipid party? And exactly what made her think this was
going to be a good party? Her feline instincts were telling her that
although this meeting was necessary, she might have to go look for a
new owner soon. Usagi would probably enjoy her brief liaison with the
Baron . . . and most likely, she would never return.
If a cat ever thought to shrug, it was at that moment that Luna
did so. And then she pretended nothing had happened and smiled as she
tramped out to drink the creamy milk that awaited her on the Formica
kitchen counter.
~^^~
Threading her way through the huge crowd of bodies dressed for
what seemed to be a Mardi Gras in Hell, Usagi scanned the numerous
faces for the Baron's. Everywhere she turned seemed to hold new
horrors: some women seemed to be straight from the bowels of Hades
with their long, stringy hair, white shrouds and vacant eyes, while
others were so scantily clad she wondered how their costumes stayed
up; there were loin-clothed men readying their broadswords as they
exchanged heated words with each other, green-skinned boys who
resembled un-leafed trees, and demon-esque creatures laughing insanely
as they took turns trying to outdo one another in feats of agility
and stupidity (Usagi marveled for a moment longer than was prudent
at one who jumped to the ceiling and remained crouching on the huge,
crystal chandelier; he immediately turned his burning gaze on her and,
hurling himself to the ground in an almost graceful manner, started
in her direction; she promptly fled to the opposite side of the
ballroom).
Usagi continued her search for the Baron, fruitless though it
was. He was not yet ready for her to discover him. He waited, silent
as a moon-shadow, in a corner of the ballroom, surrounded by a
cavalcade of female demons attempting to proposition him.
She turned in slow waltz-circles, surveying the room, ignoring
the bloodred drapes covering the bay windows, the black crystal of
the chandelier, the dais in the corner that looked suspiciously like
a throne. She'd have to ask Endymion about these things when she
found him; they reminded her oddly of a royal chamber, just as
these creatures gathered here forced her to think that they might
be subjects. Flicking her eyes from side to side as she meandered
through the crowd, Usagi came to the decision that these revelers
were definitely Hell-sent. What other place in the universe held
such life? (If it could even be called life: she had it on good
faith that half of these guests weren't alive in that sense of the
word.)
A slow gavotte began, scratching an ancient melody from an
even older gramophone, and Endymion ended her vain seeking. He stepped
up behind her, and, placing his arms about her waist, pulled her into
the dance. She was caught by surprise at first and stiffened in his
grasp, but then relaxed when she realized to whom the strong hands
belonged.
"I didn't think you were coming to your own party," she said
above the din the other guests were making.
"You're quite the silly one, aren't you?" He laughed, deep-
throated and glorious. "Of course I had to come because you promised
to be here."
She blushed under his sudden compliment and her flushed cheeks
gained an even deeper hue of red as he stared down into her eyes.
"Beautiful . . ." he murmured. "You look absolutely beautiful
tonight."
"I . . . thank-thank you." Damn, I sound so nervous! she
thought unhappily. I must seem like such a child to him.
"Not the child I had thought you to be . . ." he said, echoing
her thoughts.
"How did you know what I was thinking?"
He smiled mysteriously. "I knew. I'll always know, Usagi," he
whispered, and she shivered as his lips dipped to her neck where
they brushed the pulse point lightly.
"En-Endy, please," she begged. "Don't. . . ."
"I thought this was what you wanted?" He moved back, but
retained her in his embrace. "You were looking for something that
day we met. Wasn't it this?" His gaze fell onto her mouth, intense
and hot. "Wasn't it?"
We're close, Usagi thought hazily, too close. I can feel his
breath on my face . . . Kami-sama, I want him to kiss me!
"What do you want me to do, Usagi?" he said almost inaudibly.
They were so close that they were almost breathing the same air.
Her eyes were half-closed in response to his proximity, awaiting
something she didn't quite understand.
"I don't know . . ." she replied.
"Yes, you do. Show me." It was almost an order, but she hardly
noticed.
Unsurely, she pulled herself closer to him, placing her hands
on either side of his face, fingers lightly caressing his cheeks in
butterfly strokes. Her lips brushed his, barely touching and at the
same time, completely burning into both of them. Usagi blinked, as
if awakening from sleep, or a spell, and then shrugged out of his
arms. He caught her by her wrists before she could completely escape
him.
"No. Not after that tantalizing glimpse of ecstasy . . . you'd
leave me now?"
Her eyes went wide, almost glowing an ethereal color blue.
Endymion's hands held both of hers, and he used the leverage to drag
her back into his embrace. A startled gasp escaped her lips,
unintentionally drawing his attention to them. He smiled again,
seductively this time, his eyes dark and full of the promise of
fervent night-whispers.
"Endy . . . I can't. . . ."
"Why?" His arms came up around her, his hands gently resting
against the back of her ornate outfit. She'd almost forgotten she
was wearing it, where she was. . . . Endymion's hold on her mind had
grown much stronger.
"Wh-what about Selene?" she whimpered, looking up at him, as
his hands roamed more freely and found the zipper that held up the
top portion of the dress.
He stiffened for a moment, but met her gaze steadily. "I lost
her a long time ago. Someday, I'll find her again, but for now . . .
for now, you are the one I want. Please, Usagi. . . ." He kissed her
neck where it met her jaw-line, then made his way up to her mouth,
where he lightly touched her lips with his, a mirror of her actions
mere moments before.
She closed her eyes and gave herself up to his kisses, her
thoughts flying wide in the wild haze of passion he stirred within
her. She had never felt such emotions before.
His lips are so soft, so tender . . . have I ever before . . .?
He broke away suddenly, breathing hard. Their kisses had been
chaste. He had done nothing wrong, but guilt was worming its way
into his mind.
"Endymion?"
Usagi's voice sounds so far away, he thought. "I'm sorry. We've
been doing this in such a public place. I shouldn't have taken it so
far in front of the other guests."
She blushed slightly. "I-it's okay." The corners of her mouth
curled up in a soft smile. Unexpectedly, his hand found its way to
hers and held it tightly, their fingers intertwined together.
"Come with me upstairs, Usagi."
"En-Endy, that hardly seems appropriate--"
"D-do you really want this? Me? Or . . . is it pretense? I
can't force you. I won't. Only come if you desire to. If you
desire me."
Perhaps it was the look in his eyes, pleading as if this were
the only thing he had ever sought his whole existence, that showed
her a hidden vulnerable side to his personality. She found herself
nodding and following closely as he made his way through the
terrifying crowd of inhuman creatures towards the black-and-white-
marbled staircase. Luckily, she could not see the triumph glittering
like cold jewels in his sea-colored eyes.
Usagi . . . sweet Usagi . . . you're mine now. He smirked to
himself, blond-haired victim in tow.
~^^~
His kisses, they are so much sweeter than wine, she thought.
Endymion had pulled her down the corridor, through a maze of rooms,
and then placed her down on a bed. Her mind reeled, thoughtless and
filled with white-edged passion.
Don't get distracted, he warned himself. Remember your purpose;
remember what you are here for! But her feverishly warm mouth pressed
against his neck, and he allowed it to drown his senses in a blissful
oblivion.
"En-Endy . . . Endymion . . ." Usagi sighed into the velvety
black strands of his hair where they fell into her face.
"Please . . ."
His hands found the clasps and zipper of her costume and she
stilled her writhing movement beneath him, breathing harshly.
Eye to eye, glittering, they stared for moments and then he
began to devour her again. Her garments peeled away gladly, leaving
her nude and glorious, and her hair wound around them both having
long ago been freed from its styling.
He stilled his furious motion for a moment, raising himself
in a modified push-up fashion over her body to speak with a voice
made husky from kisses and passion. "Usagi . . . dear, sweet
Usagi . . . are you truly sure this is what you desire?" he asked.
Her nails raked down his chest lightly, drawing a gasp from
his lips. She looked up at him with dark eyes and responded merely,
"Somehow . . . somehow I know you are the only one I want to bring
me to the edge of Paradise and back, Endy. Because . . .
because . . ."
"Hush. You don't have to say it now," he protested.
She silenced him with a single finger against his lips, which
decided of their own accord to distract her from her purpose by
brushing against the offending digit lightly. "Yes, I do," she
muttered. "Endymion . . . I think . . . I think I'm falling in love
with you. So . . ."
"I know." And he resumed his previous venture of exploring
every inch of her body.
Her quick sigh of relief surged into another frenzy of skin
against skin and incomparable pleasure. Their lips merged as he
brought them to the sky-scraping heights that only an unslaked lust
--or was it love?--could bring. Spent, they curled against each other
in the center of his large bed and allowed their drowsy eyes to shut;
even in their dreams, they knew that they would not be separated.
Endymion woke a few hours later as was his habit after such
an excursion. He lifted her head gently from its resting place on
his chest and, carefully so as not startle her from her sleep, he
tenderly brushed vagrant pieces of hair back from her cheeks.
Staring at her placidly sleeping face in that moment, knowing
she loved him as the others had not, he was unable to follow through
with the deed.
"I can't do it. I can't take this from her. She's so . . .
she's innocent and good and everything that the others were not.
Damn it, I can't!"
"Say it, Endymion," Toiki suddenly pleaded into his mind,
"speak the word to call forth her soul to you! Devour it with
pleasure and know we will live another hundred years to seek our
beloved ones. . . ."
"No, sister. This time, I cannot. She is too precious to me.
Perhaps if she did not remind me so of Selene, I could do it.
Perhaps if she had not spoken of her love for me, I would have no
qualms about stealing her life force and journeying on to another
place to search for the moon goddess. No, sister, her soul must be
given to me freely, if I could accept it at all."
"Damn you, fool!" Toiki screeched, suddenly appearing beside
the bed in which he and Usagi lay, limbs entwined together like rose
brambles. "Say it! All you have to do is utter the word 'Awaken' and
she will be ours!" She shook with angry desperation. "Don't you want
to find Selene? Don't you care that Toride will return to a world
without me if you refuse to do this? Endymion, little brother, I'm
begging you. I want to be here when he is reincarnated. This is the
only way . . . the only way!" She sobbed into her clear hands; the
tears falling were as ethereal as her shadow cast into the doorway.
"Toiki, this is not the way. The evil has gone on for far too
long. I wipe my hands of the whole affair," he said, unceremoniously
throwing the covers back and ignoring his state of undress as he
started towards her.
"As you wish, Endy, as you wish," she whispered softly. Her
shadow dimmed, her tears sighed into nothingness and she started to
disappear forever. The lack of a fresh life force had caught up with
her after using all of her energy in her attempt to goad Endymion
into killing Usagi. "Someday you will regret your foolishness, my
only brother, for in a few hours from now, you will no longer exist,
you will fade as I am fading, die as I am dying. . . . And if you
are reincarnated, I only hope that you will find your precious Usagi
again, for she is Selene, though you cannot see through the thin
veneer of a soul as I can, though you may only steal them, never
knowing . . . never knowing who they truly are!" Only her eyes
remained at this point, still gushing with unhappy tears. Even so,
Endymion could hear her smile as she called, "Awaken, Toride, I am
returning to you. . . ."
He wept too, then, for the loss of his sister, his only
companion, and for the loss that he would suffer when Usagi left
him. While his tears flooded through his carefully tended wall of
control against the sorrowful emotions overwhelming him, he prayed
to Hypnos, the god of dreams who had helped him to stay alive when
Selene was killed, and who had watched over him through the long
years and guided Usagi to his side.
"Take me back," he said, "I want to remember just once before
I must leave her. Please, take me back to that morning. . . ."
Hypnos smiled benevolently from his place next to the Fates'
wheel. "Yes, Endymion," said he, "remember and forget."
~~insert omnipresent force that can turn back time~~
Hyperion woke from his death-like trance of sleep, yawning
sunlight into the world. His chariot began its slow arching path
across the heavens and in between the meadows of stars, shining
brightly, bestowing the gift of light on the world.
"Endymion!" Toiki's voice came from somewhere near his head.
Her tone scolded him, and he suddenly realized that it had been his
turn to rise before Hyperion's path began to drive the sheep out to
pasture. "Endymion, you imbecile, wake up! I'm not going to ask you
again. You know if I snitch on you . . . you'll get into a lot of
trouble, so get your lazy butt out of bed!"
The blankets were jerked out of his fisted hands and yanked
off the bed, leaving him both freezing in the morning air and exposed
to his sister's vision. She had conveniently forgotten that he slept
in the nude. He held breath for a moment, then covered his ears
against her outraged wail of disgust.
"How many times have I told you not to sleep like that?! One
would think that after I've done this a million times you'd come to
the conclusion that I do not enjoy seeing a full view of my idiot
little brother!" she huffed angrily.
"You could have fooled me . . ." he mumbled to himself. He
managed to drag his head and body halfway up to sit on his pallet.
"And anyway, Toiki, you know that you could never betray me because
of one simple fact."
"Which is?" she snarled.
"You're invisible," he replied with a smirk.
She let out an audible whoosh of air that resembled an
exasperated sigh and turned around. "Get dressed and tend to your
duties. I won't help you again." With that, she traipsed out of his
room and away.
Endymion chuckled to himself.
Some hours later, he was lazily reclining on a rock, panpipes
in hand, as the wind tickled his lips with its cool breath.
Ah, it is sweet to ignore life's other chores and simply watch
the sheep as they graze on the hills around me, he thought dreamily.
He brought the pipes to his mouth and blew across them lightly,
enjoying the thin, reedy sound that they emitted. As he put more
force into it, he thought he heard an echo of a flute-like resonance
in the distance.
Laying them down carefully beside him for a moment, he stopped
and waited silently, listening.
Yes! There it is again, that strange silhouette of the melody I
played but an instant ago . . . and . . . it seems closer somehow.
He shrugged and grinned slightly. "Toiki's right. I do have an
over-active imagination as well as the attitude of a sloth." With that,
he tumbled himself off the rock and onto the soft grass, landed
spread-eagle, and promptly fell asleep.
A few moments later, a chill feeling roused him from slumber
and the glaring sunlight was blocked by a shadow looming over his
closed eyelids. Endymion felt his skin prick with cold and swatted
sleepily at the object blocking his access to the sun's warming rays.
"You're in my light, you know," he muttered in annoyance without
opening his eyes.
Unexpectedly, the voice that replied was female and melodious.
"Maybe you should move. I was here first, you know, e'er before you
walked this Earth."
Her words piqued his curiosity to such a great degree that he
rolled unceremoniously onto his back, raised himself up, and stood
face to face with her. Unduly surprised by her appearance (beyond
her voice's beauty), he fell back again onto his rear with a grunt.
Her laughter was more musical than he could have imagined.
"What a child you still are!" she exclaimed willfully and, grasping
his hands in hers, flung him back onto his feet.
Unbalanced, he shifted wearily and rubbed his face with his
grass-stained palms. "Must be dreaming," he mumbled. "Can't be
seeing this. She's not real. Endy, you fool, when did you start
believing in the Gods?" He looked up again, only to see that she
had moved closer to him, her proximity enough to allow her billowing
cream-colored gown to brush his bare legs seductively.
"Hm, Endy, is it? Well, Endy, show me something about mortals
I've yet to learn. I know their deference to a Goddess. I want to
experience their --how to say? --Mortality. Can you show me this
thing I desire?" Her lips, red like garnets, captivated him so much
so that he barely noted the words coming forth, rather (instead)
enjoyed their movement and he wondered, momentarily, what it might
be like if he--
"Endy? Is that short for Endymion by any chance? I've seen a
boy . . . hm, much like yourself . . . wandering around these
mountains at night with a flock of sheep."
"Sheep?" Endymion blinked and shook his head.
"Yes, sheep." She was laughing at him again. "You know, those
things that look like overgrown fuzzy white balls that sometimes
have black horns and bleat constantly?"
"Oh. Yes, er . . . that would be me . . ." he finished with
a foppish grin.
"Come, then. You must know these this part of the world
better than anyone. Show me, please?"
Could she be closer, he wondered? Her hands brushed up his
forearms. It had been the shadows chilling him before, trailing
along his skin, but now, he realized, it wasn't that at all; it
was desire. Stop, Endy, you brute. She's a goddess. You're a
mortal, you imbecile. This is forbidden. Stop it!
"Endy?"
He realized abruptly that he hadn't responded to her request.
"Yes. I mean . . . yes! Of course, I would be honored and
delighted . . . to . . ." he trailed off with a dazed and star-struck
expression on his face, for she had kissed his cheek, brushed her
lips along the corner of his mouth, and stepped back, waiting for
him to lead her whither they might wander.
Hours later, they were walking hand in hand down the grassy
expanse of a meadow some miles away from the place they had first
met. Selene's desire to know more of the lives of men had made
itself clearer as they walked. She asked questions of everything
from their diet to their rituals for burying the dead. Finally,
when they reached the edge of a small copse of trees, she stopped.
"Endy, this is where I must leave you," she said, her voice
like the music of the wind.
"But you've only just come this afternoon. And--"
"Hush. This world is marvelous, and you are so very kind to
have shown me such things as I never imagined, nevertheless . . ."
"Nevertheless?" he prompted.
"It is not destined that I stay here." Her luminous face
turned skyward to stare at the daytime moon hanging scimitar-like
in the sky. "That, you see that in the sky there," she pointed to
the heavenly body, "that is where I belong." She sighed sorrowfully
and turned back to him. "That is my home, Endy. Where I was born,
where I will die, and the place from which I shall look down upon
the Earth to see your handsome face."
He blushed slightly at her comment, but boldly grasped her
hand harder against his. "I won't let you leave. I haven't shown
you Mortality yet."
Her cheeks reddened slightly. "It was rash of me to ask for
such a thing. I see now that it is not the same for you as it is
for us; there is more involved, more emotions and . . . the thing
you called love."
"And if I were to ask it of you?" he questioned, clasping her
other hand and entwining their fingers together tightly.
"You need only ask to have it granted."
Their hands still meshed together, he stepped closer, searching
her face for the truth. Finding what he wanted after a moment, he
leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. She responded, her tongue a
quick flick of wetness against his, and he was immediately lost.
Lying on the grass with her underneath the pinprick of a
thousand stars in the night-sky's midnight-colored quilt was bliss.
His fingertips traveled down her arms slowly, and he reveled in the
feel of the tingling rush the contact brought. She broke the
peaceful silence with a mellow whisper.
"I really do have to leave now. Still . . . I want to stay.
This thing you've shown me, Mortality. . . . It has no equivalent
where I come from."
He chuckled boyishly. "It doesn't, hm?"
"No, and-and . . . Endy, I wish to be mortal. This thing
you've shown me, Endy . . . this thing is so precious. Not the
actual act, but the feelings behind it. I loved spending the day
with you, sharing stories of your home and your life. And--"
"Do you really have to go back?" he interjected into her
babble. "Because-because I don't want you to! If you leave . . .
I'd try to follow. Anywhere in this universe, anywhere you go from
here, I'd follow."
"Endy, I'm not fit for mortal love in this form . . . it
overwhelms and consumes me. But . . . no, never mind. I could never
ask that of you!" she exclaimed suddenly. "I won't ask that of you,"
she murmured, covering her face with her hands in shame.
"You need only ask to have it granted."
Slowly, she uncurled herself from her slightly embarrassed
position and looked into his eyes. The sincerity reflected in their
cobalt depths was too much for her to bear, and tears began to trail
one by one in increasing armies down her cheeks.
"I will come back, Endy," she said as she brushed one of her
tears away and fisted it. A glow began to emit from the tear,
increasing until it almost escaped her closed palm. "And when I do,
you will be here with me." The light died abruptly.
"And I will be her waiting," he told her.
Endymion didn't notice that she began to fade slowly away into
the night even as she smiled sadly through her farewell kiss.
It was her smile that haunted him when he found the truth of
her gift. Because of it, and because of her, he vowed that
time's passage would not stop him from reaching the day when
they would be reunited.
And so, through the ages, despite wars, famines, plagues, and
mysterious maidens vanishing into the night, Endymion lived only to
keep his promise to her, uncaring whether the rest of the world
should crumble and fall to ruins around him in the process.
The time of the Gods came and went and the last God to
surrender, Hypnos, was the only one to ever know that Endymion and
Selene had loved and lost (for they had slept and dreamed and he
knew of their dearest hopes).
Perhaps, he thought, perhaps one day I may be able to aide
them, if only to give them a second chance at happiness.
It went thus, and flowed forward, and time provided for
Endymion to be locked away if only to protect him from discovery
until the wheels of fate might reunite him with Selene once
more. . . .
~~insert omnipresent force that can return time to the present~~
"Usagi. My sweet, innocent Usagi." He gently combed his fingers
through her long, sleep-fluffed hair. His lips softly brushed her
forehead, her cheek, her mouth with warmth. "How I wish I could stay.
How I wish Toiki had spoken the truth when she said that you are
Selene's reincarnation. Alas, alas! This shimmering dream must come
to an end." Endymion's throat closed with emotion, choking his words.
He had to swallow quite a few times before he was able again to speak,
and then, closing his eyes against the pain, he merely bid farewell,
for he could not manage anything else without breaking down and
possibly waking her.
She turned over in her sleep, hands caressing the pillow, legs
entwined in the sheets. She barely noticed the chill wind that settled
on his now vacant side of the bed as he stood, still looking for all
the world like a man who had lost everything.
"I loved you Tsukino Usagi, truly. I love you still. Forgive me,"
he said and fled the room, the house . . . and as he ran, his memories
tumbled skyward along with his tormented soul. Bit by bit, his body
faded as his sister's had only a few hours prior. Tears plummeted
down his cheeks, dripping from his chin to sully the wooden floors
and thick carpets with acidic despair. Moments crawled to stare,
and seconds stopped to watch as he disappeared forever; a final
scream of his beloved's name was the last sound to echo from his
faded lips.
~^^~
Sleep was hers. Deep-drifting and complete in its silence,
it enveloped her in the eternity of immobile centuries. Usagi floated,
tumbled weightlessly, swam from dream to nightmare to dream again,
unaware of the passing time and her state of unconsciousness. Through
it all was the splendid thought that Endymion had given her something,
something so pure and undeniably precious that grew and grew within
her still-slim form. No true understanding of this passed from her
heart to her mind, but that did not matter; when she awoke, she knew
her child would be near birth and he would be with her once more. To
live a memory may be kinder to the poor soul who has lost her one
true desire; nevertheless, in the end . . . it will truly only cause
more pain.
But it was not Endymion's dulcet, shiver-inducing caresses
that jerked her from her wondrous slumber. White noise shimmered
around her prone form, crackling static and voices bouncing endlessly
from wall to room to floor and back. Her eyes stretched open just
in time for her to see the doorway shake, the covers float shapeless
to the floor. The room trembled and spun, and Usagi screamed high and
piteous. The house did not heed, and neither Endymion nor Toiki could
rush to her aide, for they had both turned into something worse than
dust or ashes. As Usagi watched, voiceless and staring, the paint on
the walls cracked and peeled, the varnished furniture crumbled to
dirt; pieces of ceiling began to fall, caked with mold and grime,
aged beyond recognition; what had once been a fabulous room in a
wordlessly beautiful mansion was fading before her eyes.
Her feet somehow gained a mind of their own, for in an instant
she was fairly flying through the hallways and down the stairwells,
seeking an exit or a place to claim sanctuary.
All of the hollows were smooth and closed; all of the exits
shut tightly. She managed to thread herself through one of the
smoky-glassed windows that the castle boasted. As her legs tripped
and careened away from Ibusu Shiro, her ears picked up the faint
beginning strains of a torpid collapse. She turned her head in
time to see the whole building crumble to unrecognizable ruins
that blurred to dust through her vagrant tears.
Paling considerably, she backed away from the rubble, hands
clutching her stomach protectively. She swiveled on her heel,
careful to keep her balance and started to sprint down the hill
to her car. On the way, however, her foot caught in a small rut in
the grass, perhaps where a stone might have lain, and she fell
head over heels. She reached the bottom considerably scraped up,
but with no major injuries, save a massive headache. She felt across
her belly, searching for movement, for any pains, signs that
something went wrong. Usagi breathed a slow sigh of relief; perhaps
it left her lips a moment too soon.
It was then that a warm trickling began, escalating to a
coursing river down her leg. She lifted her skirt and reached down
to touch her calf; her hand came back wet and crimson-brushed with
blood.
"No! No, no, no . . ." she whimpered desperately. "You can't
take this too! It-it's all I have left of him. . . ." The ground
shook closer as the blood loss started to register in her brain.
Falling to her knees, drained of any strength or will to resist,
she allowed herself to succumb to the darkness that might lead to
death. Floating in that limbo between the worlds, she found she
couldn't care enough to journey back to consciousness; with neither
Endymion nor their child, she had no reason left to live.
~^^~
The product of their love truly did miscarry, much to Usagi's
horror. It was all she had left of him, and she lost that as well.
But there was nothing she could do, and she knew in the depths of
her heart that it was never meant to be. Such extreme ends of the
spectrum should not have met, nor fallen in love, nor attempted to
procreate. The absurdity of it forced her to laugh, ironic and harsh,
sounding foreign to her ears.
Her days after the "accident" were spent in contemplation of
the universe's perverse sense of humor as the television blinked its
images. After a while, she didn't know the difference between the
blue screen that popped up when a channel couldn't be received and
a bad soap opera; all she saw was his face crowned with the light.
The nurses were kind enough, she supposed. But then, she
didn't really desire their sympathy or their pity. Her heart had
mutilated itself with longing for Endymion, knowing that he was
never going to return and yet still strove to keep his memory
fresh instead of obliterating it and moving on.
On the day she was finally released from the hospital, she
knew it was only a matter of time before she gave up completely.
Who am I to live for now that he is gone? And my child . . .
the poor lost soul now doomed to wander, searching endlessly for
her mother who will never come. . . . I feel at fault here. Why
did I have to fall in love with him in so little time? It's almost
implausible and idiotic, and yet . . . I know this is what the
fates planned. I should not doubt. I'll try to carry on. He may
yet return. . . .
The first rays of sunlight to hit her face after being
sheltered in the hospital for a month burned into her closed
eyelids as she turned her face towards them. As she thought of
the legend of Hyperion, the Sun Titan, she prayed to all that
was light and good in the Heavens and on Earth that she might
again hold her Endymion. But in her intuition told a different
story and she knew, even as she called in prayer to all gods
in every time, space, and culture, that she would never see
him again in this life.
~^^~
Usagi's existence without Endymion was a bleak one: rising
at dawn's hazy light, taking the subway to the paper, listlessly
typing useless, incomprehensible words at her desk, following the
crowd of overworked, underpaid, anonymous faces home again,
slumping on the bed and falling into dreamless slumber. Years
inched by, Endymion never surfaced again, and she gave up hope
of ever finding him.
What have I become? she asked herself as the minutes, hours,
and days passed. And what will become of me?
Curling into the empty shell of her former self, she vowed
that there would never be a time when she would forget him or what
they had shared. She swore that she would find him, and they would
regain their fleeting happiness, only this time it would extend
into infinity.
Regrettably, Endymion was nowhere to be found though she
searched decade after decade. He had disappeared as completely
as a shadow at full noon, leaving no visible trace. She eventually
gave up, decided that she must go where he had gone, and somehow
found her way to the wraith-misted cave that had protected him
whilst Lady Fate had forced his thread of destiny to falter for
centuries.
She traveled down the deserted, echoing passageways, seeking
an unknown end. Finally, she came upon what she sought.
"A poetic death," she whispered as she stepped closer to
the edge of the endless abyss and to her demise, "may make my wishes
come true." Closing her eyes, thinking all the while of her love,
she gracefully dove off of the side. Float-falling into eternity,
almost as if asleep, she descended. And thus, she was no more.
~^^~
There can never be a happy ending when a creature of darkness
seeks to love one of the light. Such a joining would be condemned
and broken as soon as it strove to exist. Because Usagi and
Endymion's love sought to merge those two unmixable opposites,
they were forced to follow separate destinies. Perhaps after many
reincarnations and centuries, (if Endymion were ever to die, that
is) they might be happy. And then again, perhaps not, for the gods
are vindictive and would take great pleasure in keeping their very
different worlds apart. Someday, however, when planes of time and
space collide and the planets come into their own once again, it
will be possible. On that day, if one looks very closely into the
scrying pool, one will see their figures joyfully embracing amidst
a snowstorm of wildflowers and sunlight. And darkness will turn
into light at that moment; ultimate peace will have been achieved.
~~~~~~~~~~~@Loralei Fairhill
chapter completed 1/19/02
*Bast- the Egyptian God/dess who appears in the form of a cat. Sorry,
but Greek Gods shapeshifted . . . that wasn't their original form, so
I couldn't use it. ^^;
Name notes:
Obviously, Endymion and Selene are the shepherd and goddess,
respectively, from the myth where the moon goddess falls in love
with a mortal and sends him to sleep for a thousand years so she
can give him immortality in that sleep.
Toiki means "sigh" in Japanese. After all the pain I put this
character through, I thought I'd be nice and give her a fitting
name. I may release the side-story I wrote about her and her love
Toride ("fortress"), but only if minna writes to me and tells me
what they thought of this! ^^;
*does a little dance* THIRTEEN PAGES! Again, how lucky!! ^_^
~^^~ _Awakenings_ (c) Loralei Fairhill 1/19/02