As You like It-Hey Arnold Style-Chapter 8
The Beginning of the End
Well, I'm glad you liked the last one, and in case any of you people are actually copy write executives for Nickelodeon, I do not own Hey Arnold, and I do not own As You Like It. What I do own is a crappy seven-year-old laptop, a guitar and about 20 C.D.'s. It's actually depressing once you think about it. But, life must go on, and so will this story.
** The gangster office **
"Alright Little Tim. It's almost time."
"Okay boss. But I've been thinking."
"You been thinking? Now what have I told you about thinking?"
"I know boss, but-"
"No, what have I told you about thinking?"
"Thinkin's a dangerous business, once you start you can't stop."
"Exactly. I'll let it go this time, but no more."
"Can I tell you what I thought?"
"Why not?"
"Well, you see boss, it seems the Pataki chick is somewhat popular."
"So?"
"And it seems that more than one fellows a little sweet on her."
"I see where you're goin'"
"We could hurt her even more if we hurt the one she loves."
"You know Little Tim, that ideas not half bad. A little work, and it could actually be useful."
"Thanks boss."
"Get out of here. And find the guy we want."
"Right boss."
So Little Tim was at Groves High School again, this time he wasn't searching for Helga though. He was searching for the one who loved her. He walked along the hallways; the teenagers too busy trying to get to class to notice him. He saw the girl, brown hair, walking to her class, running into people with no concern. And then he saw his victim. A young man, with sandy blond hair and an athletic build was watching her, longing filled his eyes. Little Tim almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
** A Park **
"Okay Arnold. Day two. Lets start."
"Yeah." Haley (Helga) and Arnold had agreed to meet in the local park for another "date". Arnold knew this wasn't working. His feelings for Helga hadn't lessened at all, but he liked this pretending. It let him express the way he really felt. Helga was also rejoicing in the mock relationship, knowing that Arnold truly loved her, and that these sentiments were not false.
"Helga, you have to let me tell you how much I love you. You're more than a person now. You truly are a part of me."
"Read me the poem again." He took a worn sheet of paper from his pocket.
Why should this be a desert?
For is it unpeopled? No:
Words I'll hang on every tree,
That will show civil sayings,
Some, of how brief life is,
Some of broken promises,
Between the souls of friends;
But on the fairest branches,
Or at every sentence end,
I will Helga write,
Teaching all that can read to know,
The essence of every sprite,
That heaven wouldn't show,
Therefore heaven commanded,
That one body should be filled,
With all the graces,
Nature put in;
Helen's beauty,
Atlanta's better part,
Sad Lucretia's modesty.
So Helga of many parts,
By heavenly goodness was devised,
Of many faces, eyes and hearts,
To have the touch dearest prized,
Heaven wished that she should have these gifts,
And I to live and die her slave.
"That was beautiful Arnold." Helga whispered softly.
"I only wish Helga, the real Helga, could see it."
"She'd love it Arnold."
"Thanks. Well, I gotta go Haley, but I'll meet you here tomorrow after school okay?"
"Yeah, okay." Helga went home. She was giddy with love, so she called Phoebe to share it with someone.
"Phoebe?"
"Hi Helga."
"Oh, God Phoebe, nothing could be better than this."
"I take it you saw him again today."
"Yeah, and he's coming tomorrow."
"I'm really glad this is working out Helga."
"Oh Phoebe, I wish you had someone. You deserve someone just as good as Arnold."
"Well, I guess I just have to wait my turn."
"You really are the best person I've ever known."
"Thanks Helga."
"So Phoebe, I was thinking. Why don't you come to the park with me tomorrow? After me and Arnold do the pretending thing, we could go out and do something.'
"Yeah, why not?"
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
Gangster Office* * * *
"Little Tim, come over here."
"Here boss."
"Good. Are we ready?"
"Alls we need is your word, and we're done."
"Aright, good. So, what is this kids name anyway?"
"Uh, I think its Will."
"Just Will?"
"Thass all I heard."
"Fine. And the girl?"
"Doesn't know a thing."
"Good. Do it tomorrow Little Tim."
"I'll tell the guys."
"Get outta here Little Tim."
"See ya boss."
Groves High School* *
Arnold was on his way to meet Haley at the park, when he was delayed. As he was walking down one of the hallways, he saw Will. But Will wasn't alone. There was a big guy wearing a suit that had Will pinned up against the wall. Neither had seen Arnold yet. He moved cautiously, to avoid detection. He heard the man talking.
"You picked the wrong girl to fall in love with boy. It's gonna cost you."
He knew he had to help Will, although he didn't really want to. Will had been pretty bad to Arnold. First it had just been the cold shoulder, then rumors, then teasing remarks and finally threats. But being the savior of all that he was, he helped Will. He crept behind the guy in the suit, and hit him in the back of the head. The man's skull was harder than Arnold had thought, so while Arnold was nursing his almost broken knuckles, the man pulled a knife, and ripped a gash through Arnolds right arm. The man had only missed Arnold's heart because Will had kicked him behind the knee. When Will saw Arnold coming to his rescue, all his hate and resentment melted away. So while Arnold was on the ground, holding his arm and crying in pain, Will hit the man in the side of the head and knocked him out. The ambulance was called as well as the police, and when Arnold was being loaded into the ambulance, he said to Will,
"Go to the park. Tell Haley what happened." So to the park Will went.
At the Park**
While this was going on, Helga was becoming more and more anxious.
"Phoebe, where is he? He said he would be here!"
"I don't know Helga. Maybe your plan actually worked, and he fell out of love with you."
"But he said he was in love with me!"
"Maybe "was" is the key word there Helga. But I hope not."
"Oh dear God, if you must take Arnold's love from me, kill me now!" Helga shouted this at the empty sky above her. No bolt of lightning struck her, so she looked back at Phoebe.
"The plan wasn't supposed to work."
"I know Helga."
"It wasn't supposed to work!" There were tears streaming down her face now.
A new voice shouted them from the park path. "Haley!"
"Oh God, it's Will. Why now?" Will ran over to them. He gave them a rushed explanation of what had happened.
"Haley, something terrible had happened. There was a guy in the hallway at school who was trying to mug me or something, and Arnold tried to stop him even though I'd been so crappy to him, but he guy pulled a knife, so Arnold's in the hospital now." Helga's face was drained of all its blood and she wobbled on her feet.
"Haley? Are you okay? They said Arnold would be fine." But Helga had fainted. Phoebe and Will brought her around.
"Um, are you okay?" Will knew that Haley (Helga) liked Arnold, but not enough to faint like this. Phoebe was watching Will. There was something happening to her, and she didn't know what it was. Will looked at her when he felt her gaze. Their eyes met.
no sooner met but they looked, no sooner looked but they
loved, no sooner loved but they sighed, no sooner
sighed but they asked one another the reason, no
sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy
(that was another piece of dialogue form the play, but I had to add it in, in case you missed it)
"Will? Will?" He shook himself form his new lovely thoughts of Phoebe.
"Hmm? Are you okay now?"
"I think so, as long as you're sure he's all right. He is all right?"
"The paramedics said he could go home in two days."
"Oh thank God."
"I take it you really like him." She became alarmed.
"No. Just tell him how well I faked a swoon for Helga's sake."
"Faked? It didn't seem fake to me."
"Just tell him."
"Alright."
Here's your daily dose of Shakespearean dialogue! Oliver is really Orlando's brother, but since Arnold doesn't have a brother, Oliver is Will.
OLIVER
Good morrow, fair ones: pray you, if you know,
Where in the purlieus of this forest stands
A sheep-cote fenced about with olive trees?
CELIA
West of this place, down in the neighbour bottom:
The rank of osiers by the murmuring stream
Left on your right hand brings you to the place.
But at this hour the house doth keep itself;
There's none within.
OLIVER
If that an eye may profit by a tongue,
Then should I know you by description;
Such garments and such years: 'The boy is fair,
Of female favour, and bestows himself
Like a ripe sister: the woman low
And browner than her brother.' Are not you
The owner of the house I did inquire for?
CELIA
It is no boast, being ask'd, to say we are.
OLIVER
Orlando doth commend him to you both,
And to that youth he calls his Rosalind
He sends this bloody napkin. Are you he?
ROSALIND
I am: what must we understand by this?
OLIVER
Some of my shame; if you will know of me
What man I am, and how, and why, and where
This handkercher was stain'd.
CELIA
I pray you, tell it.
OLIVER
When last the young Orlando parted from you
He left a promise to return again
Within an hour, and pacing through the forest,
Chewing the food of sweet and bitter fancy,
Lo, what befell! he threw his eye aside,
And mark what object did present itself:
Under an oak, whose boughs were moss'd with age
And high top bald with dry antiquity,
A wretched ragged man, o'ergrown with hair,
Lay sleeping on his back: about his neck
A green and gilded snake had wreathed itself,
Who with her head nimble in threats approach'd
The opening of his mouth; but suddenly,
Seeing Orlando, it unlink'd itself,
And with indented glides did slip away
Into a bush: under which bush's shade
A lioness, with udders all drawn dry,
Lay couching, head on ground, with catlike watch,
When that the sleeping man should stir; for 'tis
The royal disposition of that beast
To prey on nothing that doth seem as dead:
This seen, Orlando did approach the man
And found it was his brother, his elder brother.
CELIA
O, I have heard him speak of that same brother;
And he did render him the most unnatural
That lived amongst men.
OLIVER
And well he might so do,
For well I know he was unnatural.
ROSALIND
But, to Orlando: did he leave him there,
Food to the suck'd and hungry lioness?
OLIVER
Twice did he turn his back and purposed so;
But kindness, nobler ever than revenge,
And nature, stronger than his just occasion,
Made him give battle to the lioness,
Who quickly fell before him: in which hurtling
From miserable slumber I awaked.
CELIA
Are you his brother?
ROSALIND
Wast you he rescued?
CELIA
Was't you that did so oft contrive to kill him?
OLIVER
'Twas I; but 'tis not I I do not shame
To tell you what I was, since my conversion
So sweetly tastes, being the thing I am.
ROSALIND
But, for the bloody napkin?
OLIVER
By and by.
When from the first to last betwixt us two
Tears our recountments had most kindly bathed,
As how I came into that desert place:--
In brief, he led me to the gentle duke,
Who gave me fresh array and entertainment,
Committing me unto my brother's love;
Who led me instantly unto his cave,
There stripp'd himself, and here upon his arm
The lioness had torn some flesh away,
Which all this while had bled; and now he fainted
And cried, in fainting, upon Rosalind.
Brief, I recover'd him, bound up his wound;
And, after some small space, being strong at heart,
He sent me hither, stranger as I am,
To tell this story, that you might excuse
His broken promise, and to give this napkin
Dyed in his blood unto the shepherd youth
That he in sport doth call his Rosalind.
ROSALIND swoons
CELIA
Why, how now, Ganymede! sweet Ganymede!
OLIVER
Many will swoon when they do look on blood.
CELIA
There is more in it. Cousin Ganymede!
OLIVER
Look, he recovers.
ROSALIND
I would I were at home.
CELIA
We'll lead you thither.
I pray you, will you take him by the arm?
OLIVER
Be of good cheer, youth: you a man! you lack a
man's heart.
ROSALIND
I do so, I confess it. Ah, sirrah, a body would
think this was well counterfeited! I pray you, tell
your brother how well I counterfeited. Heigh-ho!
OLIVER
This was not counterfeit: there is too great
testimony in your complexion that it was a passion
of earnest.
ROSALIND
Counterfeit, I assure you.
OLIVER
Well then, take a good heart and counterfeit to be a man.
ROSALIND
So I do: but, i' faith, I should have been a woman by right.
CELIA
Come, you look paler and paler: pray you, draw
homewards. Good sir, go with us.
OLIVER
That will I, for I must bear answer back
How you excuse my brother, Rosalind.
I have mixed feelings right now. I'm both happy and sad. No, it's not because I'm a teenager and this is a mood swing! It's because there's only one more chapter for this story! I'm gonna miss it! But then I can work on my other stories like Beauty and the Beast, and a fairy tale I'm writing.
The Beginning of the End
Well, I'm glad you liked the last one, and in case any of you people are actually copy write executives for Nickelodeon, I do not own Hey Arnold, and I do not own As You Like It. What I do own is a crappy seven-year-old laptop, a guitar and about 20 C.D.'s. It's actually depressing once you think about it. But, life must go on, and so will this story.
** The gangster office **
"Alright Little Tim. It's almost time."
"Okay boss. But I've been thinking."
"You been thinking? Now what have I told you about thinking?"
"I know boss, but-"
"No, what have I told you about thinking?"
"Thinkin's a dangerous business, once you start you can't stop."
"Exactly. I'll let it go this time, but no more."
"Can I tell you what I thought?"
"Why not?"
"Well, you see boss, it seems the Pataki chick is somewhat popular."
"So?"
"And it seems that more than one fellows a little sweet on her."
"I see where you're goin'"
"We could hurt her even more if we hurt the one she loves."
"You know Little Tim, that ideas not half bad. A little work, and it could actually be useful."
"Thanks boss."
"Get out of here. And find the guy we want."
"Right boss."
So Little Tim was at Groves High School again, this time he wasn't searching for Helga though. He was searching for the one who loved her. He walked along the hallways; the teenagers too busy trying to get to class to notice him. He saw the girl, brown hair, walking to her class, running into people with no concern. And then he saw his victim. A young man, with sandy blond hair and an athletic build was watching her, longing filled his eyes. Little Tim almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
** A Park **
"Okay Arnold. Day two. Lets start."
"Yeah." Haley (Helga) and Arnold had agreed to meet in the local park for another "date". Arnold knew this wasn't working. His feelings for Helga hadn't lessened at all, but he liked this pretending. It let him express the way he really felt. Helga was also rejoicing in the mock relationship, knowing that Arnold truly loved her, and that these sentiments were not false.
"Helga, you have to let me tell you how much I love you. You're more than a person now. You truly are a part of me."
"Read me the poem again." He took a worn sheet of paper from his pocket.
Why should this be a desert?
For is it unpeopled? No:
Words I'll hang on every tree,
That will show civil sayings,
Some, of how brief life is,
Some of broken promises,
Between the souls of friends;
But on the fairest branches,
Or at every sentence end,
I will Helga write,
Teaching all that can read to know,
The essence of every sprite,
That heaven wouldn't show,
Therefore heaven commanded,
That one body should be filled,
With all the graces,
Nature put in;
Helen's beauty,
Atlanta's better part,
Sad Lucretia's modesty.
So Helga of many parts,
By heavenly goodness was devised,
Of many faces, eyes and hearts,
To have the touch dearest prized,
Heaven wished that she should have these gifts,
And I to live and die her slave.
"That was beautiful Arnold." Helga whispered softly.
"I only wish Helga, the real Helga, could see it."
"She'd love it Arnold."
"Thanks. Well, I gotta go Haley, but I'll meet you here tomorrow after school okay?"
"Yeah, okay." Helga went home. She was giddy with love, so she called Phoebe to share it with someone.
"Phoebe?"
"Hi Helga."
"Oh, God Phoebe, nothing could be better than this."
"I take it you saw him again today."
"Yeah, and he's coming tomorrow."
"I'm really glad this is working out Helga."
"Oh Phoebe, I wish you had someone. You deserve someone just as good as Arnold."
"Well, I guess I just have to wait my turn."
"You really are the best person I've ever known."
"Thanks Helga."
"So Phoebe, I was thinking. Why don't you come to the park with me tomorrow? After me and Arnold do the pretending thing, we could go out and do something.'
"Yeah, why not?"
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
Gangster Office* * * *
"Little Tim, come over here."
"Here boss."
"Good. Are we ready?"
"Alls we need is your word, and we're done."
"Aright, good. So, what is this kids name anyway?"
"Uh, I think its Will."
"Just Will?"
"Thass all I heard."
"Fine. And the girl?"
"Doesn't know a thing."
"Good. Do it tomorrow Little Tim."
"I'll tell the guys."
"Get outta here Little Tim."
"See ya boss."
Groves High School* *
Arnold was on his way to meet Haley at the park, when he was delayed. As he was walking down one of the hallways, he saw Will. But Will wasn't alone. There was a big guy wearing a suit that had Will pinned up against the wall. Neither had seen Arnold yet. He moved cautiously, to avoid detection. He heard the man talking.
"You picked the wrong girl to fall in love with boy. It's gonna cost you."
He knew he had to help Will, although he didn't really want to. Will had been pretty bad to Arnold. First it had just been the cold shoulder, then rumors, then teasing remarks and finally threats. But being the savior of all that he was, he helped Will. He crept behind the guy in the suit, and hit him in the back of the head. The man's skull was harder than Arnold had thought, so while Arnold was nursing his almost broken knuckles, the man pulled a knife, and ripped a gash through Arnolds right arm. The man had only missed Arnold's heart because Will had kicked him behind the knee. When Will saw Arnold coming to his rescue, all his hate and resentment melted away. So while Arnold was on the ground, holding his arm and crying in pain, Will hit the man in the side of the head and knocked him out. The ambulance was called as well as the police, and when Arnold was being loaded into the ambulance, he said to Will,
"Go to the park. Tell Haley what happened." So to the park Will went.
At the Park**
While this was going on, Helga was becoming more and more anxious.
"Phoebe, where is he? He said he would be here!"
"I don't know Helga. Maybe your plan actually worked, and he fell out of love with you."
"But he said he was in love with me!"
"Maybe "was" is the key word there Helga. But I hope not."
"Oh dear God, if you must take Arnold's love from me, kill me now!" Helga shouted this at the empty sky above her. No bolt of lightning struck her, so she looked back at Phoebe.
"The plan wasn't supposed to work."
"I know Helga."
"It wasn't supposed to work!" There were tears streaming down her face now.
A new voice shouted them from the park path. "Haley!"
"Oh God, it's Will. Why now?" Will ran over to them. He gave them a rushed explanation of what had happened.
"Haley, something terrible had happened. There was a guy in the hallway at school who was trying to mug me or something, and Arnold tried to stop him even though I'd been so crappy to him, but he guy pulled a knife, so Arnold's in the hospital now." Helga's face was drained of all its blood and she wobbled on her feet.
"Haley? Are you okay? They said Arnold would be fine." But Helga had fainted. Phoebe and Will brought her around.
"Um, are you okay?" Will knew that Haley (Helga) liked Arnold, but not enough to faint like this. Phoebe was watching Will. There was something happening to her, and she didn't know what it was. Will looked at her when he felt her gaze. Their eyes met.
no sooner met but they looked, no sooner looked but they
loved, no sooner loved but they sighed, no sooner
sighed but they asked one another the reason, no
sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy
(that was another piece of dialogue form the play, but I had to add it in, in case you missed it)
"Will? Will?" He shook himself form his new lovely thoughts of Phoebe.
"Hmm? Are you okay now?"
"I think so, as long as you're sure he's all right. He is all right?"
"The paramedics said he could go home in two days."
"Oh thank God."
"I take it you really like him." She became alarmed.
"No. Just tell him how well I faked a swoon for Helga's sake."
"Faked? It didn't seem fake to me."
"Just tell him."
"Alright."
Here's your daily dose of Shakespearean dialogue! Oliver is really Orlando's brother, but since Arnold doesn't have a brother, Oliver is Will.
OLIVER
Good morrow, fair ones: pray you, if you know,
Where in the purlieus of this forest stands
A sheep-cote fenced about with olive trees?
CELIA
West of this place, down in the neighbour bottom:
The rank of osiers by the murmuring stream
Left on your right hand brings you to the place.
But at this hour the house doth keep itself;
There's none within.
OLIVER
If that an eye may profit by a tongue,
Then should I know you by description;
Such garments and such years: 'The boy is fair,
Of female favour, and bestows himself
Like a ripe sister: the woman low
And browner than her brother.' Are not you
The owner of the house I did inquire for?
CELIA
It is no boast, being ask'd, to say we are.
OLIVER
Orlando doth commend him to you both,
And to that youth he calls his Rosalind
He sends this bloody napkin. Are you he?
ROSALIND
I am: what must we understand by this?
OLIVER
Some of my shame; if you will know of me
What man I am, and how, and why, and where
This handkercher was stain'd.
CELIA
I pray you, tell it.
OLIVER
When last the young Orlando parted from you
He left a promise to return again
Within an hour, and pacing through the forest,
Chewing the food of sweet and bitter fancy,
Lo, what befell! he threw his eye aside,
And mark what object did present itself:
Under an oak, whose boughs were moss'd with age
And high top bald with dry antiquity,
A wretched ragged man, o'ergrown with hair,
Lay sleeping on his back: about his neck
A green and gilded snake had wreathed itself,
Who with her head nimble in threats approach'd
The opening of his mouth; but suddenly,
Seeing Orlando, it unlink'd itself,
And with indented glides did slip away
Into a bush: under which bush's shade
A lioness, with udders all drawn dry,
Lay couching, head on ground, with catlike watch,
When that the sleeping man should stir; for 'tis
The royal disposition of that beast
To prey on nothing that doth seem as dead:
This seen, Orlando did approach the man
And found it was his brother, his elder brother.
CELIA
O, I have heard him speak of that same brother;
And he did render him the most unnatural
That lived amongst men.
OLIVER
And well he might so do,
For well I know he was unnatural.
ROSALIND
But, to Orlando: did he leave him there,
Food to the suck'd and hungry lioness?
OLIVER
Twice did he turn his back and purposed so;
But kindness, nobler ever than revenge,
And nature, stronger than his just occasion,
Made him give battle to the lioness,
Who quickly fell before him: in which hurtling
From miserable slumber I awaked.
CELIA
Are you his brother?
ROSALIND
Wast you he rescued?
CELIA
Was't you that did so oft contrive to kill him?
OLIVER
'Twas I; but 'tis not I I do not shame
To tell you what I was, since my conversion
So sweetly tastes, being the thing I am.
ROSALIND
But, for the bloody napkin?
OLIVER
By and by.
When from the first to last betwixt us two
Tears our recountments had most kindly bathed,
As how I came into that desert place:--
In brief, he led me to the gentle duke,
Who gave me fresh array and entertainment,
Committing me unto my brother's love;
Who led me instantly unto his cave,
There stripp'd himself, and here upon his arm
The lioness had torn some flesh away,
Which all this while had bled; and now he fainted
And cried, in fainting, upon Rosalind.
Brief, I recover'd him, bound up his wound;
And, after some small space, being strong at heart,
He sent me hither, stranger as I am,
To tell this story, that you might excuse
His broken promise, and to give this napkin
Dyed in his blood unto the shepherd youth
That he in sport doth call his Rosalind.
ROSALIND swoons
CELIA
Why, how now, Ganymede! sweet Ganymede!
OLIVER
Many will swoon when they do look on blood.
CELIA
There is more in it. Cousin Ganymede!
OLIVER
Look, he recovers.
ROSALIND
I would I were at home.
CELIA
We'll lead you thither.
I pray you, will you take him by the arm?
OLIVER
Be of good cheer, youth: you a man! you lack a
man's heart.
ROSALIND
I do so, I confess it. Ah, sirrah, a body would
think this was well counterfeited! I pray you, tell
your brother how well I counterfeited. Heigh-ho!
OLIVER
This was not counterfeit: there is too great
testimony in your complexion that it was a passion
of earnest.
ROSALIND
Counterfeit, I assure you.
OLIVER
Well then, take a good heart and counterfeit to be a man.
ROSALIND
So I do: but, i' faith, I should have been a woman by right.
CELIA
Come, you look paler and paler: pray you, draw
homewards. Good sir, go with us.
OLIVER
That will I, for I must bear answer back
How you excuse my brother, Rosalind.
I have mixed feelings right now. I'm both happy and sad. No, it's not because I'm a teenager and this is a mood swing! It's because there's only one more chapter for this story! I'm gonna miss it! But then I can work on my other stories like Beauty and the Beast, and a fairy tale I'm writing.