Fixing A Broken Heart

yue kato

1997

Part 1:

"If there's a way that you could be everything you want to be

Would you complain that it came too easy?

Just like the games with you and me

A resolution hard to see,

But that's O.K. cuz I don't see things that are plain to see"

----"Violet", Savage Garden

Duo turned the corner and sauntered down the path at his usual leisurely pace, hands stuffed in his pockets. He breathed in deeply as he closed his eyes, focusing on the cool morning air sliding into his lungs. The pale yellow rays of the sun were already touching his hair, but here, up north where Relena's birthplace was, it was never really warm.

Walking just a little bit faster, he took the many twists and turns of the garden path leading towards the Peacecraft mansion -- rebuilt ever since Relena had decided it would be her base of operations for ambassadorial work here on Earth. He glanced appreciatively at the flora blooming on the lawns, brilliant splashes of colour amidst a backdrop of green. He wished he could spend more time enjoying the beauty, it had never been possible to recreate such nature on the colonies. Not that he didn't love outer space, he did. The velvet abyss, the gleaming diamonds, and the crisp silence would always be a part of him. There, a person could be one with himself as he could never be on Earth. There were just too many distractions here. The place was too full of life. Not really suitable for a harbinger of Death, he mused.

Without realising it, he had reached his destination, and as he entered, he was greeted by the smiling receptionist, to whom he flashed a grin in return. How different this place is now, he thought. The first time he had been here, the place had been ravaged by war, and practically leeched of all life, the ruins of the mansion reflecting only shadows of what had once been. Now, however, it had regained most of its former glory, and the aura of pain and despair that he had felt around the mansion before had dissipated. Most importantly of all, he could feel that vital hope that brought forth progress.

Heading up to his room, he wondered if he would get a mission today. This peace was spoiling him, not that he liked war, but at least it gave his mind something else to be occupied with. He hadn't lost any of his alertness, it was too ingrained in him to let his guard down completely, as it was with the other four Gundam boys, he was sure. Especially Heero. Heero...

Damnit! This is the fourth time this morning, he thought angrily. I have *got* to find something to do. He had never denied his feelings in this aspect to himself -- well, maybe at first -- but then he had never had so much spare time to ponder the intricacies of his emotions either. And now, it seemed like he had nothing to do *except* ponder.

He plopped down in front of his computer and switched it on, brooding morosely as he stared at the black monitor, waiting for the computer to complete its start-up. Perverse, that's what he was. Of all people to develop feelings for, Heero had to be the worst. And why him anyway? What was so great about him? He suppressed his feelings, almost never responded to overtures, and viewed anybody who had not proved themselves countless times to him with suspicion.

I did *not* mean to fall in love with that jerk, Duo clarified to his mind's resident devil. I may have my quirks and eccentricities, but a man has his limits... And before you bug me some more, I don't know how it happened and I don't want to think about it anymore for the time being. The beeping sound that indicated he had new orders came on just in time to draw him out of his fruitless reverie.

***

"Well, I think that about sums up what I have to tell you," Relena concluded, sitting back against the plush leather seat. "I'm confident that the two of you will be able to complete the mission easily. Do you have any further questions? I can contact Lady Une for you."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence as Relena waited for their answer. Duo looked from one of them to the other. Heero stared straight ahead, blatantly ignoring her, clearly he was not going to speak. He cleared his throat, bringing her attention to him. "Um, I think I have no questions about this. Seems pretty straightforward this time round. What about you, Heero?" Man, what a feeble attempt, Duo. If the guy doesn't want to speak, it will take more than that to draw him out of his shell.

As expected, Heero remained silent. Duo valiantly carried on. "But Relena-san, do you think it's wise to attend this function in the colonies without the two of us? Although the war is over, there are still hostile parties out there who are more than willing to be rid of you." He spoke bluntly – although absolute peace had been declared between the Earth and the Colonies, enmity was a hard thing to relinquish, especially when for so long it had been held so close to the heart. Relena was no stranger to this residual animosity, and knew even better than he what it was like to be the target of such hatred.

She sighed, glancing at Heero as she did so, and it seemed to Duo that she was not only regretting the hostilities between their peoples. "It's quite a large function, Duo, and a lot of important people will be there. There'll be plenty of bodyguards, not to mention Noin-san and Lady Une. I'm in safe hands, don't worry." She smiled reassuringly.

"But..." It still didn't sound secure enough for Duo.

"If she says it's fine, then you don't have to argue with her. Let's go."

The words cut through Duo's protest, bringing with it a thunderous, shocked silence. Duo couldn't believe it. Normally, Heero was even more paranoid than he was about Relena's safety. It was *his* mission after all. And now, this. What in the world had happened? He looked at the two of them. Heero was still expressionless, it was as if he had never opened his mouth. Relena, on the other hand, was looking strained, and she seemed like she would cry any moment. The tension was so thick he felt it would smother him.

"Ah, okay, if you say so... Saa, ojousan, we'll be going then." He forced a grin at her, and he knew what it cost her to maintain her composure when she didn't even smile back. Heero stood up and walked out the door without a word. Duo stared after him, then turned to Relena. "Relena..."

"It's alright. Could you... just let me be alone?"

There was nothing he could say or do. He left the room and shut the door quietly behind him.

***

Duo leaned back from his laptop and, again, turned to look at Heero. Outwardly, there was nothing wrong at all. Same old Heero, the same expressionless face, the unchanging look of utter concentration, the feral air of a hunter. Yet… Duo could sense something wrong in the atmosphere, and that wrongness was emanating off Heero in waves.

Maybe another person would not have detected it, but he was too attuned to Heero now to not notice a change so drastic. I've become too used to looking out for every little response or emotion he could possibly give out, hoping it would be for me, he reflected self-deprecatingly. Boy, am I pathetic. And he was sure this turmoil within Heero had nothing to do with him. More like Relena.

He suppressed a sigh as the name popped into his head. His feelings towards the young woman were ambivalent at best. They had always seemed rather at odds with one another from the start, when he had tried to shoot Heero and she had intervened. Okay, so that had been a slight misunderstanding, but that wasn't the point. And, as time went by, they had apparently fallen for the same person.

His heart twisted a little as he thought of the so many times he had played the joker to mask the pain when it become too hard to watch them. Occasionally, jealousy would overcome him and he would just butt in, shattering their idyll. Still, Heero had seemed happy, so he was willing to let sleeping dogs lie. And tried vainly, every now and then, to forget he ever had feelings for the pilot.

Besides, he really couldn't imagine what Heero's reaction would be if he actually knew why Duo always stuck around him. Of course, just a few words would reveal that irrevocably. But I'm too damn scared to find out, he ruefully admitted to himself. It was so much safer imagining stuff. Daydreams couldn't crush one in the cruel way reality did every time.

Back to the problem of Heero's weird behaviour… It must be trouble in paradise, Duo concluded sardonically. Heero was so passive when it came to emotional matters that he couldn't have started anything. Unless that was exactly why they had quarrelled – over his passivity. Duo's mind returned to the outburst in Relena's study a few days ago. That was so unlike him… It's really bad this time.

Try as he might, he couldn't stop that flutter of elation within him.

End part 1