Part 7:

yue kato

100302

"You really know how to start

Fixing a broken heart

You really know what to do

Your emotional tools can cure any fool

Whose dreams have fallen apart

Fixing a broken heart…"

---- "Fixin' A Broken Heart", Indecent Obsession

            It appeared to be a ceiling, not too high – white, but the next moment it swam out of focus, and he was confronted with a mere soft grey fuzziness, which confused the hell out of him.

            He tried to move, triggering the lightning bolt of fire in his side to come to life, shocking awake the analytical circuits within his brain as well.  Before he could finish cursing the assholes who had shot him and their ancestors, the soldier side of him had already completed the rundown of his injuries.

            /Heh, not too bad.  I'm alive…/  He grimaced as a fresh lance of pain struck him.  /I used to be able to take it better,/ he mused.  /Must be the age./

            "Duo?…  Duo, are you awake?"

            His eyes snapped open, and he thanked whoever was out there that the room was dim.  He did not need a pounding headache to accompany the rest of his wounds.

            "Duo?"

            That voice!  He would have known that voice anywhere – well, that and Heero's voice too – it haunted his daydreams and nightmares and so much more.  The question was, what was it doing here?

            A shadow passed over his face as his brow furrowed in puzzlement. 

"Duo, are you alright?"

"O… ojousan?"  His voice came out as a croak, weak and cracked.

"Yes, how are you feeling?  Do you need anything?"

"Water…"

"The doctors said you can't have anything to drink yet – you have the tube for that, but I can get something to wet your lips."

She hurried to the bathroom with a glass while Duo stared in bemusement, wondering at the surreality of the former Queen of the World seemingly at his beck and call.  What on earth had he done to warrant Relena Dorian's service?  Then he recalled her words and lifted a trembling arm to feel his face.  Sure enough, he could sense the plastic tube taped across his cheek that ran into his nose and down into his stomach.

/Damnit, this sucks!  Why is it, after so many technological advances, we still haven't found a better way to feed someone?!  We already have Gundams, for the love of God!  Should have asked if he was still around—/

He got distracted from his grumbling by Relena's return.

After he was more comfortable and able to manage more than a bare whisper, he fixed his violet gaze upon the young woman.  "So why are you the one here, Relena?  Where are the others?"

Implicit within his words were the unspoken question: "Where is Heero?"

She sat down on the chair beside his bed.  "Heero's gone back to the hotel you're staying at to change and rest.  Noin had to make him go.  He's been with you for the past two days, until your condition stabilised.  Nothing could budge him otherwise.  The others are here too, but they're waiting outside.  I wanted to have a chance to talk to you alone before the announcement."

"What announcement?" he asked automatically, although his mind was still on Relena's previous statement.  /He stayed with me… all this time?/  Despite the cynic within him screaming and protesting all the way, he could sense the swelling of hope.

"Well, to the press, of course.  To let the world know that the hero of the L2 kidnap rescue is finally awake," Relena replied, a glint of mischief in her eyes.  "You know how they love a Gundam pilot story."

He groaned.  "Gods, no!"  He'd never been too keen on the spotlight, guarding his privacy jealously.  Running and hiding was in his blood, and he was happy to let it remain that way.

"I'm sorry, Duo," although she didn't sound it – much, "but they got wind of it while you were still in the operating theatre, and we were all too distracted to put a proper block on it."  A pause…  "Heero might have, but he was the most distracted of all," she concluded wryly.

A strange silence followed Relena's pronouncement.  Duo leaned back against the pillows, momentarily speechless.  He had the sneaking suspicion that Relena was trying to tell him something – something he himself might have wanted to hear for the longest time – but to actually hear it…  It was too hard.  He had to bring the conversation back to safer ground.

"Yeah, sure, whatever… but ojousan, this press thing…"  He injected a whine into his voice and rolled his eyes dramatically, ignoring the stinging sensation bursting in his skull at the movement.  "Can't you just tell them I died, or ran away, or got abducted by aliens or something?"  Paying no attention to Relena's raised eyebrow at his babbling, he pressed on.  "Come on, I can't do that stoic, emotionless, just-be-a-statue-while-the-camera-bulb-flashes gig – I'm not Heero, you know—"

As if to emphasise that, a heavy bout of coughing assailed him, and he let it punctuate his sentence, hoping to gain some sympathy for his pitiful state.

For a long while, Relena said nothing, just sat there looking at him until he began to fidget awkwardly against his will.

"Thank you, Duo.  You saved my life."  They were the most sincere words she had ever spoken to him.

Duo didn't know whether to look her in the face.  He couldn't remember the last time he has felt this uncomfortable.  With every syllable from her mouth, Relena was tearing that the barriers that had been set up between them, and with it, his painstakingly constructed masks.

He suddenly felt overwhelmed by exhaustion.  Closing his eyes, he said softly, "Saa, ojousan, it's what I have to do.  We've fought too hard to let all this go to waste.  And after all you've done for the colonies, you're definitely not entitled to be offed by amateurs – not when even Dekim Barton and Marimeia failed to do so.  And me, Heero, and the rest of us will be here as long as we can to make sure of that."  Deciding he felt a little braver now, he risked a swift glance at the young woman.

She had this most solemn expression on her face, touched with bittersweet emotion, like she'd finally accepted something he could not, dared not.

"Hey," he protested feebly.  "Stop looking at me like that.  It's just too weird…"

Relena stood up and suddenly became very interested in the flowers at his bedside table, fussily rearranging them in no discernible pattern.  Lightly, she said, "I thought I should tell you something."  Yet, the casual, off-hand tone of her voice just seemed to underlie the significance of her next words all the more.  "Heero and I broke up, about two weeks before I left Earth."

The air in the room was pregnant with an expectant quiet.

Though he had thought himself at least semi-prepared for her news, given the direction their conversation had been leading, the actual announcement still sent his head reeling.  This was akin to his wildest dreams and fantasies, but the realist in him had never truly allowed himself to dwell on it for long.  So now that the opportunity – the chance he had not really believed would ever be available – was being presented to him, especially in this way, he felt as if he was floundering, way out of his depth.

Relena still appeared to be waiting for his response.  Warily, he asked the question foremost in his mind.  "Why are you telling me this?  What's it got to do with me?"  The instinct to run and hide had reared its defensive head, and he was desperately attempting to escape whatever Relena had said, trying to gain, if not an upper hand, then at the least an equal footing in the situation.

She turned to face him, her eyes daring him not to look away.  "Duo, he's free now."

That sensation, like something precious had been ripped away from him, hit him like a massive blow to the gut, intensifying and spreading, leaving him breathless and vulnerable.  His masks, his barriers of protection had all been torn down.  "You know… known all along."  His voice was the barest murmur.

Relena nodded.  Watching her standing there, looking at him like he was her good deed for the day resurrected his pride, and a spark of resentment blossomed.  "So?!  So what do you expect me to do about it?  So what if he's free?  Who do you think I am, Relena?"  As the words poured out, the anger flowed, building within him.  "Am I supposed to be some spare tyre to be used on some rebound trip?  Well, I'm not!  I'm not, okay?!  I don't sit around waiting to pick up someone else's leftovers – not that Heero's leftovers, of course – he could never be anything but the main course and oh god, WHAT am I saying?…"

The annoyance faded as swiftly as it had come, leaving only horrified mortification in his wake.  With an effort, he dragged the covers over his head, wishing he were back in oblivious darkness, far, far away from suddenly-potentially-attainable love interests and deceptively generous ex-Princesses.

He sensed Relena settling on the chair next to his bed again, and then felt a tugging on the blankets.  /Oh, why do I even bother?/  He tiredly conceded, letting her pull the sheets away from his face.  He could thoroughly empathise with Heero now.  If he had to deal with this single-minded focus 24/7, it was no wonder the Japanese pilot was still so stunted in his social development.  There seemed no way to get around it other than to just shut it out.

"Why are you doing this, Relena?" he asked listlessly.  "Do you think I can't see what you're doing for the twisted charity that it is?"

If Relena had been taken aback by his outburst, she had probably used the time when he was hiding under the covers to compose herself.  "Duo… please, you've misunderstood.  I've never thought you were stupid – not really, silly, maybe…"  The corner of her mouth quirked in a tiny grin when Duo attempted to bequeath her with an imitation of his partner's glare.  "But I've spent a lot of time thinking about this: me, Heero, you…  And I've come to the conclusion that you are – and will be – better for him than I will ever be."  Her voice was incredibly earnest.

"Yeah?" Duo forced out grudgingly.

"Yes, Duo, I understand that it might seem terribly presumptuous of me, but that really is what I believe," she replied patiently.  "And what's more, I think he's beginning to realise it as well."

"How would you know what Heero's thinking?" Duo retorted defensively.  /Don't do this, Relena.  Stop messing with my head.  If this is a joke, it is really.  not.  funny./

"Well…" Relena trailed off delicately, and her eyes acquired a gleam that warned Duo he was probably not going to like what she was going to say.  "When Heero came with you to the hospital, I distinctly recall seeing blood on his face here."   She raised her hand to indicate the corner of her mouth.  "But apart from that, he was perfectly fine.  No real injuries at all.  So we would all have to assume that the blood came from someone else…"

Her explanation triggered off a memory that had conveniently suppressed itself from the time he had blacked out, and he gasped.  /Fuck!  He knows!/  He could remember everything now: the numbing weakness and his shallow breaths, his fatalistic resignation and fighting to stay conscious long enough just to tell Heero, to let him know, at least before he died and he would never see the other young man again.  But most of all, he remembered the intensity of that gentle brushing of lips; and the comforting warmth of Heero's tears.

Incredibly, he felt blessed, amazingly privileged that he had penetrated so many of Heero's shields, that he'd finally touched that lost boy that was buried so deep.  But still…

"Bloody shit, Heero's going to kill me," came unbidden to his lips.  Now that the danger and urgency was over, and everything was back to normal, Heero must be completely mad at himself for losing his control so badly.  /And what should I do when I finally see him again?  Damn…/  The overwhelming urge to run and hide made his eyes snap shut, and he spent a few seconds fantasising about settling down in some remote mining colony for the next sixty years.

He knew that Relena had heard him when she suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look at her.  "If you weren't hurt, I would shake you!"  It was the first time he could hear an evident note of frustration since he had woken up to this bizarre conversation.  "Stop trying to run away, Duo!  Why are you so afraid?  You can give him something that I can't ever provide, by virtue of the fact that our natures are too similar.  And I can see that being with him would bring you so much joy as well."  Disregarding her previous statement, she gave him a little shake, taking no notice of the tiny yelp Duo made.  "Seize the day, Duo.  Take this chance before it slips away."

He smiled wistfully, no longer bothering to hide from Relena's piercing gaze.  "I'm happy now, Relena-san.  The war's over, the universe is at peace, we're living rather normal lives.  That's good enough."

She sat back, but did not break their eye contact.  "That's not really being happy, Duo," she challenged.  "If you're honest with yourself, you'd see that you're just trying to be content with what's safe and comfortable."  Duo could feel himself frowning as he tried to deny it, and found that he couldn't.  Relena continued inexorably, "You're not the only one who does that, Duo.  All of us do.  But there has to come a time when you break away from that, so you can find something better."  A faraway expression descended over her features.  "That time has come for me.  I don't want what's safe and comfortable anymore.  So I'm willing to change things, in the hope that something better will come of it."

For an instant, Duo thought he could glimpse the iron will that had forged peace for millions, sheening that young face with eyes too old.  And like those millions, he felt himself coming under their power, becoming swayed by what she had said.  /Maybe…just maybe…/

Relena must have detected his burgeoning hope, for she gave him one last enigmatic smile and headed for the door.

"But what about you, Relena?"  He still couldn't help but feel vaguely guilty – his Catholic upbringing had been ingrained too deep.

"Don't worry about me.  One day… one day, I'll find my own Duo."

end part 7

Notes: Thank you very much for all the reviews.  They were certainly an unexpected, but definitely wonderful, surprise.  This story has actually been sitting in my hard drive for years and years and I finally decided to wrap it up quickly to get some closure.  Thanks for rekindling my interest in this fic!

A/N to Nitid: thanks for your helpful comments about Heero (no, I def won't take constructive criticism as a flame).  Thanks for pointing that out, I find that I do have a tendency to describe him thru other ppl's eyes, as I don't have that good a grasp on his character.  I'll try and work on that in my next chapter, tho I can't guarantee if I will be able to do a good job ^_^