"A Single Yellow Rose" - Chapter Four
He deliberately traced an outline of Belle's lips with his index finger.
"Shawn," she said under her breath, "the way you
make me feel..."
"I know," he said, whispering against her lips, "I feel the same way."
Belle cupped Shawn's face with her hands and deepened the kiss as she felt Shawn's hands trail down the sides of her breasts, over her hips until they cupped her thighs. He then lifted her off the counter, pressing her close and she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders. She felt him lose his footing for a minute and she was unable to keep the giggle from escaping past her lips.
"Don't drop me Shawn." Belle said as she touched her forehead to his.
"Never," he promised as he continued to move backwards.
"We've got to clean up this mess."
"Later."
"What? Where are you going?"
"Upstairs."
Belle's wide eyes captured Shawn's in mute astonishment as he made is way through the living room. Her breath caught in the back of her throat refusing to allow any words to pass.
"Do you trust me?" he asked.
"With my life," she breathed, "you know that."
"Good, now reach down and grab your bag."
Belle did as she was told and hefted her bag over her shoulder. Shawn made his way up the stairway, pausing at every step to make sure his footing was secure before moving onto the next tier. As they reached the landing Belle felt the tension coil inside of her that had been building with every step. She had loved Shawn Brady her entire life but was she ready for this?
Shawn kicked open the door to his room and entered. Belle dropped her bag to the floor and then dropped her legs as Shawn set her down on her feet. Leaning down he brushed a kiss so feather light across her lips Belle wasn't sure it even happened. He then turned away and walked over to his dresser.
"What are you doing?" Belle asked.
"Getting some dry clothes," he said, opening one of his drawers and pulling out a clean tee shirt and jeans. "You can change in here. I'll use the bathroom."
"But I thought you wanted…that we were..." Confusion colored Belle face as she held her shirt closed with one hand and pointedly looked away.
"Belle…don't." Shawn said, quickly crossing his room to where she stood.
Mortified that she thought Shawn actually wanted to make love to her, she refused to look at him "Oh my God…"
"Belle, please. I know what is going through that head of yours and it's not true. I want you, you've got to believe that and when you let me bring you up here you told me that you wanted me too. But I don't want to rush things for us." Shawn bent over trying to get Belle to look at him. "I want our first time…my first time…to happen when it's right for the both of us."
Belle's eyes flew to Shawn's at hearing his confession. "Your first?"
"Yeah," Shawn offered a self-conscious grin, "and I don't know about you but I'm having a great time doing what we're doing now. When we both decide…together…we'll know. Okay?"
Belle nodded in agreement and Shawn gave her one more kiss before picking up his clothes and heading out of the room. Belle followed and after closing the door behind him she leaned against it. "I love you tough boy," she whispered even though she knew he couldn't hear her.
"I love you too Isabelle," Shawn answered from the other side.
*****
Philip glanced over again at Chloe but she was still turned away from him, staring out the passenger window. He had stepped on the brake when they neared the Brady pub asking if she wanted to get a bite to eat but she had said no so quietly that if it wasn't for the negative shake of her head he would have had to ask her again. As the silence of the interior of the car stretched on, Philip could feel his old familiar wall rising, brick by brick, back up around him.
It was an imaginary wall but very real in Philip's mind and heart. A wall he had always lived behind, only showing to the world the fun loving, spoiled, rich kid everyone took him for. A wall that shielded him from the cruel childhood taunts of how he was conceived and brought into this world and hid the fact it was killing him that his parents weren't married. A wall that kept out anything that might challenge him to think, to believe…to feel. A wall he dressed so well in the best clothes, the best smile and the best one-liners that no one knew it was there, and in turn never knew who was hiding behind it.
Until Chloe.
Until he'd teased and taunted her because it was the thing to do only to look back once, and see the unshed tears in her eyes.
Until he saw her sitting at dotCom with a strange man and he couldn't figure out why he felt like his stomach had just dropped to his feet.
Until he heard her sing and her voice flowed over him, bits and pieces of it finding their way through the cracks in that wall, swirling around his heart and opening his eyes. He had slipped out of the pub moments after she had run out, not knowing why he was going after her but enjoying that feeling of ignorance. He just wanted to find her.
But when he had finally caught up with her on the pier he felt like he had run into another brick wall. Not his, but hers and he recognized it right away. But he refused to let her hide from him and another chunk of his own wall fell to the ground.
Then he got scared and even worse he got stupid. He could see the world beyond the wall but he wasn't ready. So he back away from her. Until the night of the dance and then he learned what he meant to take a chance, to finally break down the wall when he watched Chloe remove her long black cape. Her beauty dazzled him but it was the risk she had taken, the leap of faith she demonstrate, that blew apart his wall and he felt a freedom he'd never knew existed. Being with her was a high he never wanted to come down from.
But when Chloe had backed away from him tonight, when she didn't want him to touch her, Philip felt the fear again. And he was fighting like hell to stop that wall from circling him again.
Unable to take the silence anymore, Philip reached over and flipped on the radio. The chatter of the disc jockey seemed to surprise Chloe and she turned to look at the radio before switching her gaze to Philip and then back to the radio. Philip tried not to glance at her as he turned the old fashioned knob looking for a station. He finally settled on the country music station as Garth Brooks' voice filled the air.
"Country?" Chloe asked.
Philip was surprised to hear her soft question. "Yeah-" he stopped to clear his throat as his voice cracked. "Benjamin, he runs my dad's stables, he's originally from Nashville. He got me into it."
He glanced over at her and saw the surprised look on her face. "What?" he asked.
"I just never pictured you…it's just you usually have the classic rock station on."
"Well, it's only been in the last few weeks." Philip replied, centering his gaze back on the road. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Chloe nodded her head before she too turned away and stared out into the dusk. He turned into the park and headed down towards to the pond. He didn't see too many people, most were home having dinner but he still drove deeper into the woods until he came to a small clearing. He saw Chloe's head snap in his direction but he didn't take his eyes off the windshield. He knew he wasn't playing fair by bringing her here, a place where they had come many times before. A place to talk, to enjoy the darkness, to-
Philip threw the car into park and abruptly turned off the engine but left the radio on. Despite the music, the silence was deafening. Philip kept in hands on the steering wheel, clenching and unclenching his fingers, trying to keep from reaching out to her.
Hell, the last time they were here, she had her hands on him before the car had even stopped. She'd reached down between his legs to push on the seat level sending the driver's seat back so she could scoot over to sit in his lap, her back against the door and those long legs of hers stretched out over the other seat. They'd talked about their families, their dreams, school and friends. And it was here that he truly kissed her for the first time...
(flashback)
…it was a warm day in September and of course, he didn't have his car then. They'd been at the park the first Sunday afternoon after school started with the gang enjoying an impromptu picnic that the girls had dreamed up. He'd managed to get Chloe away from everyone to this clearing surrounded by woods on three sides and a clear view of the pond. They had been walking quietly holding hands when she suddenly started tickling him before taking off in a run across the grass. She was fast but he easily caught up with her, tackling her but making sure he hit the ground first cushioning the blow to her body with his.
It was the first time he'd held her since that night in the cabin but she'd been so out of it he doubted she remembered. But he did, and he felt his body reacting again to the feeling of her breasts pressing against his chest and her legs straddling his thighs. She was laughing and her beautiful hair creating a curtain that hid them away from the rest of the world.
"That's not fair," Chloe cried out, "no using your football moves on me."
Philip returned her smile. "Hey, whatever works. Besides you started it."
"I did not!"
"Oh yeah?"
Philip offered a wicked grin as he flexed his fingers and unmercifully began a search for Chloe's tickle zone. He quickly found it as she squealed in surprise and tried to wiggle away from him. "Stop Philip, oh please stop."
"Say the magic words," he teased.
"I said please!"
Philip reached up to cradle her head before he quickly reversed positions, gently flipping them over so now that Chloe was on the ground. "Those aren't the magic words."
Chloe rushed to catch her breath, her chest rapidly rising and falling. "What are the magic words?"
"You just said them Friday night."
Philip watched as Chloe replayed the events of two days ago in her mind. He had invited her, Belle and Shawn over to the house for a bar-b-que and dip in the pool and the girls had worn the same swimsuits that they had on at the party the weekend before, which pleased him and Shawn immensely. His folks hadn't come back from Europe yet but Henderson had spoken with Dr. Wesley assuring him that the kids would be well chaperoned and Chloe had agreed to be home early.
"I don't know what I said that was so magical," Chloe answered.
"Oh," Philip placed his well-practiced, wounded puppy dog look on his face. "I'm cut to the bone. Well, let's see if I can refresh your memory. Belle and Shawn were fighting over how much sauce to put on the chicken, you were in the water and I was laying at the edge of the pool, basking in the sun determine not to lose my well earned summer tan." Philip watched as Chloe's eyes looked off in the distance, knowing she was replaying the afternoon in her mind. "You swam over to me, propped your arms on the edge and stared at me until I realized you were there after I felt the water dripping from your hair. I turned to look over at you and you said, 'Are you going to make me do it again?' and of course I had NO idea what you were talking about and then suddenly you said-"
"Kiss me." Chloe interrupted, her eyes shining bright with the memory.
"Those are the magic words," Philip murmured, lowering his head to capture her lips with his own. He remembered his own shock when Chloe spoke those words to him because he had thought about little else but kissing Chloe since school started. He'd leaning out over the water and pressed his lips to hers. But then Shawn let out a loud wolf whistle, startling them both. Chloe backed away and he had landed face first in the water.
Even now, Philip felt Chloe tense up the moment their lips touched and he was sure it was because she had no way out with him practically lying on top of her. He pressed feather light kisses on her lips, keeping his eyes open to watch her reaction. Each kiss lasted a little longer than the one before until Philip felt her responding to his kisses as her body relaxed against the grass and her hands crept up the back of his tee shirt until they rested on his shoulders.
As soon as he saw her eyes flutter close, his did the same as he angled his head and slowly slid the tip of his tongue across the seam of her lips. She tentatively opened her lips allowing him access to the warm recesses of her mouth. Her tongue only touched his for a scant moment before pulling away but it was enough to start a burn deep inside of him. He curled his fingers into a fist taking a hand full of Chloe's hair with him as her hands pressed against his shoulder blades encouraging him to deepen the kiss and this time Chloe responded. Timid and reserved at first, she allowed Philip to set the pace but soon her passionate nature took over and their tongues dueled in an ardent dance…
(end of flashback)
Philip quickly rolled down his window, thankful for the breeze that filled the interior of his car. The memory of that kiss and the many more since then was playing havoc on certain parts of his body. Not that it matters, he thought as he steadied himself against Chloe's coming words, because he doubted he would ever get the chance to kiss her again.
Chloe watched as Philip propped his arm on the open window, refusing to look in her direction, a hardness settling on his features. 'Oh God, please give me strength to do this,' she prayed silently, 'and please, please…please let Philip understand.'
"It's nice that it is still so warm out," Chloe started out softly
'Well, here it comes,' Philip thought to himself. "Yeah," was his only response.
"But I've heard you've sometimes had a white Thanksgiving."
"Sometimes."
"Philip…I need to…I...um..."
"Look Chloe, you didn't want to talk to me about the weather so why don't you just spit out whatever it is you want to say!"
Chloe gasped at the anger in his tone and her only thought then was escape. She grabbed at the door handle and bolted from the car.
Philip followed her, slamming his door behind him before he jogged around the car and slammed shut Chloe's still open door. He started towards her, knowing he was acting like an ass but he dreaded the words he knew she was going to say.
Goodbye…it's been fun…it's over.
Chloe heard him walk up behind and just as he reached her, she suddenly turned around to face him, her arms folded tightly across her chest. "Have you ever tried to say something…you know, something that's inside your head but when you open your mouth you don't hear anything but the silence?"
Philip had expected anger from her considering how he just mouthed off but Chloe's voice was soft, monotone and expressionless. She was facing him but she wasn't looking at him.
"But the screaming in still inside your head" she continued, "and you try again and again because you know you have to say it and you know the silence the wrong…but after a while the silence seems right. But the screaming never stops," her voice dropping to a whisper. "It never, ever…stops."
"Chloe, I don't…I don't understand-"
"Do you know how much I wanted this? How much I wanted this to work? How hard I tried? I did…I tried." Chloe nodded her head, and then lifted her hand, pointing her finger in the air. "But deep down I knew it wasn't going to last. I knew that. But I listened to other people. I listened to my mom, my friends…" Chloe leveled her stare on Philip. "I listened to you."
*****
Mimi pulled the car up into the wide driveway next to the large Victorian house with a wide front porch, carefully maneuvering around a tricycle, a big wheel and a skateboard that laid scattered around.
"Sorry about that," Jason said, "Brothers and sisters ya know."
"Yeah, Connor is always leaving his toys around." She quickly turned off the headlights but left the parking lights on and an orange glow from the dashboard fell over the two of them.
"Thanks for the ride."
"No problem, thanks for the iced coffee. Besides, I had to stay late for rehearsal anyway."
"You're really into this drama thing aren't you?"
Mimi smiled, glad that Jason wasn't jumping out to head inside as soon as the car stopped. "Well, Chloe and Shawn have their music, you and Philip have sports, Belle has…shopping and me, I'm into acting. You know me with my dramatic flair and all."
Jason smiled at her words. "Yeah, that was pretty dramatic what you pulled on Jan at the Last Blast."
"She was being so hateful," Mimi said, ducking her head and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "and something just snapped inside of me."
"Yeah…hateful," Jason nodded in agreement, "I guess the gang could say the same thing about me."
"Oh, I think you've reformed yourself pretty well these past few months." Mimi said with a smile.
"I guess."
"I've done my share of reforming too although my mom calls it growing up. It's amazing what you can learn about people when you take the time to really get to know them."
Jason looked up, captured Mimi's gaze and held it. "I'm beginning to see that."
Seconds of silence passed as they continued to stare at one another until the front porch light suddenly came on.
"Well, I better get in there and hit the books." He opened the door and then reached back for his gym bag and backpack. "Thanks again."
Mimi watched as Jason got out and closed the door. Leaning down into the open window, he offered her one of his dazzling smiles. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Right," Mimi nodded, unable to contain an answering smile, "tomorrow."
She sat and watched as he trotted up the front walk to the porch and went inside. Putting the car into gear, she slowly backed out of the drive and headed down the street. After flipping through the stations on the radio she let her hand fall to the now empty seat next to her and it landed on a rough, unfamiliar texture.
Jason's football jacket.
Quickly glancing over, she saw the large, blue jacket with the gold capital S on the front that he had taken off once he got inside stating it was too warm to have it on. He and Philip had just received the letters at the beginning of this football season when they made it on the varsity team. Her fingertips danced over the letter before tracing over his name written in cursive on the sleeve and the number 2 underneath it, his jersey number.
"Number two," Mimi said aloud as she pulled the jacket into her lap and lifted it to her face. Breathing deeply, she took in the scent of his cologne. "My new lucky number."
To be continued….