The Magickal Golden Corn Stalk
Chapter Four: What the Frell Ever Happened to Team 2?!
Disclaimer: Are you people sure I have to do this EVERY chapter? *rolls eyes* These are NOT my characters! And I don't own Kara either! She's her own person! As for me, I will be selling myself to the highest bidder. Any bids? Anyone? Anyone at all? *silence, with the exception of crickets in the background* Aw hell...
Summary: What do you get when you mix one insane writer, 18 of her favorite characters from various TV shows/books/movies and a magickal, golden corn stalk? This story! Now read on!
A/n: I'm sorry, but I feel the need to put this at the beginning of the fic. I recently got this review from an individual calling himself "Iden (The Box)":
"Wow, you know, this is actually not too bad... considering it sounds *exactly* like our stories, we have been submitting, I mean, some of the exact same styles, concepts, ideas, and even *everything*, but beyond, you know, the fact that it looks entirely stolen and cheap in that sort of way, not too shabby.
Should you want to read the original funny *@#$ check this below:
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=491003"
Intriguing. Very. No, really. I honestly don't see it. And considering this story is the product of my immense writer's block (hence the reason it's completely pointless: I'm just having fun) and that's only FAN FICTION, I don't see the big deal. *shrugs* But, y'know, whatever. I'm just gonna keep doin' what I'm doin'. Wanna bitch? Go ahead. I'm not stopping you.
Now that I've wasted ENTIRELY too much time on this pointlessness, on to Chapter Four!
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"I can't believe this! Can you believe this Chiana?!"
Chiana raised an eye brow at John. "What? What's the big deal?"
John waved a bunch of papers in Chiana's face. "*This!* *This* is the big deal! She has you pop in on her and some Trip guy back in Chapter 2, then skips right over us!"
"It's called *suspense,* you twit," Will said. "She had Chiana pop in, then skipped over us to incite any random people reading this to keep reading to find out what Chiana has to say. See, she has to use some sort of literary device. Otherwise, this is all just nonsense."
"But it *is* all just nonsense," said Zhaan. "Didn't you just read that huge Author's note above? She's just having fun because she has the most horrible disease ever known to the Writer. She has," Zhaan shuddered and gulped, "Writer's Block."
Everyone shuddered and agreed that Writer's Block *is* the most horrible disease ever, in the history of the universe.
"As horrible as WB is, it doesn't explain skipping over us completely," John said.
"I just told you," Will said. "Suspense."
"Nah, I don't think so," Harry said. "Manda's not *that* good a writer to think up something like that. Have you read the horrible torture she's put me through? I think it's just a fluke."
"Actually, Manda skipped us so she could title this chapter the way she did," said Seven.
"How do you know?" Chiana asked.
"I was listening to her, Kara, and Jordan discussing this fic in lunch the other day."
Everyone looked at Seven in shock. "You *eavesdrop* on the writer?" Zhaan gasped.
"It was not difficult. Just a simple matter of realigning my nano-probes to the same frequency of the hiss of an over-weight, male cat, subtracting the square root of 35,453,444,681,681,687,641,521,657,641 from the probable summation of Pi, multiplying the number of words in the last chapter by the number of words in the lyrics of `Clint Eastwood,' by a group known as Gorillaz, programming my cortical implant to pick up K-Rock, jumping up and down several times shouting, `I'm a pretty monkey,' adding extra caffeine into her soda, applying pressure to my inoccular implant, hitting my head against the wall, and asking her politely if I could join in the conversation."
Everyone gaped at Seven, then looked at each other. "Erm, was anyone else lost at `It was not a difficult matter?'" asked Harry.
"I picked up something about cats," John offered.
"Yeah, that's about as far as I got too," Will said.
"We should decide our next course of action," Seven interrupted, annoyed. "It would be pointless and a waste of a chapter if we just sat here talking about irrelevant things, such as why Manda skipped over us. We should be concentrating on our task."
"*Please*," Chiana said, rolling her eyes. "Our `task' is to find a magickal golden corn stalk. It's just plain stupid."
"Yeah, but Manda's the *author*, Chiana. I don't think we have a choice of doing as she says," Zhaan replied.
"I'm with the blue chick," Will said.
"All right, since I *am* the team leader," John said importantly, puffing out his chest, "I think we should listen to...uh, The Number." He pointed at Seven.
"My designation is Seven of Nine. You may call me Seven, not `The Number.'" She glared at John.
"Sorry, sorry. Anyway, let's review what's happened. Ahem." He held his copy of the fic in front of him. "' John Crichton sat on the terrace, looking into the stars. Well,...'"
20 minutes later, when John was *finally* done reading the last three chapters, Harry was curled up on the floor sleeping, Zhaan and Will were sitting against the far wall, heads drooping on each other, Chiana was sitting in a corner rocking back and forth, and Seven was pacing in circles muttering to herself.
John walked over to Harry, kicked him in the head, then went over to Zhaan and Will and shouted "WAKE UP!" in their faces.
"Come *on* guys, it's not *that* bad. I kinda like it so far."
"Not *that* bad?!" Chiana shrieked. "What the...I mean...GAH! Booga booga booga!" she screamed, and disappeared.
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"Ok. First, why do we want to get this corn stalk?"
"'Cause I said you do," Manda said stubbornly.
Chiana suddenly appeared.
"Hey! You wait your turn buddy. Go ahead Stark."
"Who makes a corn stalk golden and magickal?"
"I do."
Stark raised his eyebrow. "All right. And why do you keep spelling magickal with a `k?'"
"I like magickal spelled with a `k,'" Trip said. "It's creative."
Manda beamed. "Thank you Trip."
"Ok," Stark said. "Uh, thanks, I guess."
"Good," Manda said. "Now go away."
"Bitchy much?" Stark muttered. "Erm, macaroni and cheese." He disappeared.
"All right, now what do you want Chiana, and make it quick!"
Chiana marched up to where Manda and Trip were sitting. "Get me outta here!" she yelled. "I mean it! I want out! I can't take this any more! And what the frell is he doing here?" She pointed at Trip. "He left and Kara came in last chapter. This is a continuality error!"
"No it's not," Manda said shaking her head. "See, because I didn't know Trip was going to have to go when I wrote Team 1's chapter, if you see Trip when you come, then, obviously, you had to go back in time to after Stark came, when Trip was still here. See? No continuality error!"
"Huh?" Chiana said dumbfounded. "My head hurts after that. And how do you know all this?"
Manda straightened up. "I am the supreme queen of the universe. I know all. That, and I'm Chapter 4-Manda. I gave Chapter 2-Manda a break so she could go get a Dunkachinno. Which, by the way, she should be back by now. I only gave her enough for one Dunkachinno. Oh well. She'll be back eventually. I should get back to my own chapter. See ya Trip."
"Bye Manda. Hey, do I come back after Kara?" he asked in his sweet little southern accent.
"Maaaybe, maaaybe not. I'm not telling." Manda grinned evilly. She scribbled something down in her notebook. When she looked up there were several loud pops, and the room flashed. Chiana looked around. Everything was the same, except that Kara was sitting where Trip had been, and Manda was now balancing a laptop on her lap.
"Hey, how long till you think Jordan notices you stole her laptop?" Kara asked.
Manda shrugged. "A while, I hope. My notebook's filling up. Plus, y'know, notebooks are good for the middle of English or Biology when I'm bored out of my skull, but I really prefer the computer. This thing," she pointed to the disk drive that held her infamous black disk, "is my best friend."
Chiana cleared her throat. "So, uh, are we back in Chapter 4?"
"Yup. And *you*, Chiana, should be getting back to your team." Kara nodded in agreement.
"Hey! But I want out of here!"
"Too bad. Now do you wanna go by yourself, or shall I have to make you?"
Chiana pouted. "Macaroni and cheese," she grumbled and instantly vanished.
"Hey," Kara said suddenly, "I thought you said I could have a kissing scene in here. When's my kissing scene? And when do I get beaten with a duck?"
"I'm workin' on it, I'm workin' on it."
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"Hey Chiana, `bout time you got back," John said when Chiana reappeared.
"We've decided to go to Command," Will said.
"Command?" Chiana asked. "But everyone else is going to Command!"
"Exactly," Zhaan said. "Something big must be about to happen if everyone else is going. Some sort of plot-twisting event."
"I'm *telling* you," Harry said stubbornly, "*nothing's* going to happen. Manda probably just can't think of any other places on the ship to send people."
"You seem preoccupied with hating Manda," Seven said. "Perhaps you should, as humans say, `drop it.'"
"You're forgetting I'm the only one that's dealt with Manda before. I know what she's capable of."
"Actually," Zhaan said, "I was in one of her earlier fics. It was all about me," she said proudly.
"But that was years ago," John pointed out.
"Does this really have a point?" Will asked.
"Nah, probably not," Chiana said. "I think they're just wasting time."
"We should be leaving for Command," Seven said. "This waste of time is a...waste of time."
"Oooh, good one," Harry said.
"All right, all right, shut up you," he said to Harry. "Seven's right, let's go." Although none of them really wanted to, the team followed John to the door. When they were about a half a meter from the door, Manda and Kara appeared.
"Sorry guys, didn't mean to interrupt," Manda said looking at the stolen laptop and trying to balance it on her arm. "But John, you are the lucky winner."
"Lucky winner? Of what? Do I get to leave?!" he asked excitedly.
"Calm down killer," she said. "No. No one gets to leave." She erupted into evil laughter.
"Manda!" Kara shouted.
"Oh. Er, yeah. Anyway, no, I promised Kara a kissing scene with the prisoner...er, I mean, *guest* of her choice. Guess who she choose?" Manda finally looked up at John and smiled sweetly.
"Oh no," he said as Kara walked up to him. "C'mon, seriously. You're pretty and all, but I've got a girlfriend. If Aeryn-"
He was cut off as Kara pressed her lips against his. He resisted a little a first, but then figured, hey, as long as he had no say in this, he might as well enjoy it. (A/n: What a guy...) The kiss went on for a while, like any good kissing scene should. There quite possibly could have been tounge involved, but Manda will never tell.
When they finally let go of each other, they were both gasping for air. "Whoa," Kara said. "Hey, if you ever wanna just swing by, maybe give my boyfriend a few pointers, I wouldn't object," she said to John.
"All right, c'mon Kara," Manda said. "They've got work to do."
"Ok, ok, fine!" Kara and Manda both disappeared.
John turned around to face the team, only to find Will and Harry glaring at him. "What?" he said innocently.
"Why do *you* get the only kissing scene in the whole fic?!" Will said angrily.
"Well, it's probably not the *only* kissing scene," he said weakly.
"Yes it is," Seven said. "Manda said so when she was talk to Kara and Jordan." John glared at Seven, but she ignored it and preceded to the door. "As Manda said, we have `work to do.' I suggest we continue with our original plans."
"Yeah," John said. "What The Number says."
Seven narrowed her eyes, then turned her head and stuck her nose in the air. Reluctantly, they once again started on their way.
***************************************************************************************************************
A/n: he he he! I've broken my record for most reviews. It used to be 6. Now it's *9*. (yes, that's how pathetic a writer I am) And the Infamous Sherry reviewed it! I am so honored! (Sherry is Kara's cousin. Since Kara keeps telling me how great she is and I've yet to meet her, she's infamous ^_^) Anyway...a kissing scene! Oooh! Will Aeryn find out? And what *will* she do if she does? The answers to all this and MORE coming soon to a computer screen near you. Until then, make me feel special and review, s'il vous plait. Oui, I know, I'm pathetic, begging for reviews. But that doesn't that make you feel sorry for me and want to review me? No? Ah well, it was worth a try. ^_^
~Manda/SG
Chapter Four: What the Frell Ever Happened to Team 2?!
Disclaimer: Are you people sure I have to do this EVERY chapter? *rolls eyes* These are NOT my characters! And I don't own Kara either! She's her own person! As for me, I will be selling myself to the highest bidder. Any bids? Anyone? Anyone at all? *silence, with the exception of crickets in the background* Aw hell...
Summary: What do you get when you mix one insane writer, 18 of her favorite characters from various TV shows/books/movies and a magickal, golden corn stalk? This story! Now read on!
A/n: I'm sorry, but I feel the need to put this at the beginning of the fic. I recently got this review from an individual calling himself "Iden (The Box)":
"Wow, you know, this is actually not too bad... considering it sounds *exactly* like our stories, we have been submitting, I mean, some of the exact same styles, concepts, ideas, and even *everything*, but beyond, you know, the fact that it looks entirely stolen and cheap in that sort of way, not too shabby.
Should you want to read the original funny *@#$ check this below:
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=491003"
Intriguing. Very. No, really. I honestly don't see it. And considering this story is the product of my immense writer's block (hence the reason it's completely pointless: I'm just having fun) and that's only FAN FICTION, I don't see the big deal. *shrugs* But, y'know, whatever. I'm just gonna keep doin' what I'm doin'. Wanna bitch? Go ahead. I'm not stopping you.
Now that I've wasted ENTIRELY too much time on this pointlessness, on to Chapter Four!
***************************************************************************************************************
"I can't believe this! Can you believe this Chiana?!"
Chiana raised an eye brow at John. "What? What's the big deal?"
John waved a bunch of papers in Chiana's face. "*This!* *This* is the big deal! She has you pop in on her and some Trip guy back in Chapter 2, then skips right over us!"
"It's called *suspense,* you twit," Will said. "She had Chiana pop in, then skipped over us to incite any random people reading this to keep reading to find out what Chiana has to say. See, she has to use some sort of literary device. Otherwise, this is all just nonsense."
"But it *is* all just nonsense," said Zhaan. "Didn't you just read that huge Author's note above? She's just having fun because she has the most horrible disease ever known to the Writer. She has," Zhaan shuddered and gulped, "Writer's Block."
Everyone shuddered and agreed that Writer's Block *is* the most horrible disease ever, in the history of the universe.
"As horrible as WB is, it doesn't explain skipping over us completely," John said.
"I just told you," Will said. "Suspense."
"Nah, I don't think so," Harry said. "Manda's not *that* good a writer to think up something like that. Have you read the horrible torture she's put me through? I think it's just a fluke."
"Actually, Manda skipped us so she could title this chapter the way she did," said Seven.
"How do you know?" Chiana asked.
"I was listening to her, Kara, and Jordan discussing this fic in lunch the other day."
Everyone looked at Seven in shock. "You *eavesdrop* on the writer?" Zhaan gasped.
"It was not difficult. Just a simple matter of realigning my nano-probes to the same frequency of the hiss of an over-weight, male cat, subtracting the square root of 35,453,444,681,681,687,641,521,657,641 from the probable summation of Pi, multiplying the number of words in the last chapter by the number of words in the lyrics of `Clint Eastwood,' by a group known as Gorillaz, programming my cortical implant to pick up K-Rock, jumping up and down several times shouting, `I'm a pretty monkey,' adding extra caffeine into her soda, applying pressure to my inoccular implant, hitting my head against the wall, and asking her politely if I could join in the conversation."
Everyone gaped at Seven, then looked at each other. "Erm, was anyone else lost at `It was not a difficult matter?'" asked Harry.
"I picked up something about cats," John offered.
"Yeah, that's about as far as I got too," Will said.
"We should decide our next course of action," Seven interrupted, annoyed. "It would be pointless and a waste of a chapter if we just sat here talking about irrelevant things, such as why Manda skipped over us. We should be concentrating on our task."
"*Please*," Chiana said, rolling her eyes. "Our `task' is to find a magickal golden corn stalk. It's just plain stupid."
"Yeah, but Manda's the *author*, Chiana. I don't think we have a choice of doing as she says," Zhaan replied.
"I'm with the blue chick," Will said.
"All right, since I *am* the team leader," John said importantly, puffing out his chest, "I think we should listen to...uh, The Number." He pointed at Seven.
"My designation is Seven of Nine. You may call me Seven, not `The Number.'" She glared at John.
"Sorry, sorry. Anyway, let's review what's happened. Ahem." He held his copy of the fic in front of him. "' John Crichton sat on the terrace, looking into the stars. Well,...'"
20 minutes later, when John was *finally* done reading the last three chapters, Harry was curled up on the floor sleeping, Zhaan and Will were sitting against the far wall, heads drooping on each other, Chiana was sitting in a corner rocking back and forth, and Seven was pacing in circles muttering to herself.
John walked over to Harry, kicked him in the head, then went over to Zhaan and Will and shouted "WAKE UP!" in their faces.
"Come *on* guys, it's not *that* bad. I kinda like it so far."
"Not *that* bad?!" Chiana shrieked. "What the...I mean...GAH! Booga booga booga!" she screamed, and disappeared.
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"Ok. First, why do we want to get this corn stalk?"
"'Cause I said you do," Manda said stubbornly.
Chiana suddenly appeared.
"Hey! You wait your turn buddy. Go ahead Stark."
"Who makes a corn stalk golden and magickal?"
"I do."
Stark raised his eyebrow. "All right. And why do you keep spelling magickal with a `k?'"
"I like magickal spelled with a `k,'" Trip said. "It's creative."
Manda beamed. "Thank you Trip."
"Ok," Stark said. "Uh, thanks, I guess."
"Good," Manda said. "Now go away."
"Bitchy much?" Stark muttered. "Erm, macaroni and cheese." He disappeared.
"All right, now what do you want Chiana, and make it quick!"
Chiana marched up to where Manda and Trip were sitting. "Get me outta here!" she yelled. "I mean it! I want out! I can't take this any more! And what the frell is he doing here?" She pointed at Trip. "He left and Kara came in last chapter. This is a continuality error!"
"No it's not," Manda said shaking her head. "See, because I didn't know Trip was going to have to go when I wrote Team 1's chapter, if you see Trip when you come, then, obviously, you had to go back in time to after Stark came, when Trip was still here. See? No continuality error!"
"Huh?" Chiana said dumbfounded. "My head hurts after that. And how do you know all this?"
Manda straightened up. "I am the supreme queen of the universe. I know all. That, and I'm Chapter 4-Manda. I gave Chapter 2-Manda a break so she could go get a Dunkachinno. Which, by the way, she should be back by now. I only gave her enough for one Dunkachinno. Oh well. She'll be back eventually. I should get back to my own chapter. See ya Trip."
"Bye Manda. Hey, do I come back after Kara?" he asked in his sweet little southern accent.
"Maaaybe, maaaybe not. I'm not telling." Manda grinned evilly. She scribbled something down in her notebook. When she looked up there were several loud pops, and the room flashed. Chiana looked around. Everything was the same, except that Kara was sitting where Trip had been, and Manda was now balancing a laptop on her lap.
"Hey, how long till you think Jordan notices you stole her laptop?" Kara asked.
Manda shrugged. "A while, I hope. My notebook's filling up. Plus, y'know, notebooks are good for the middle of English or Biology when I'm bored out of my skull, but I really prefer the computer. This thing," she pointed to the disk drive that held her infamous black disk, "is my best friend."
Chiana cleared her throat. "So, uh, are we back in Chapter 4?"
"Yup. And *you*, Chiana, should be getting back to your team." Kara nodded in agreement.
"Hey! But I want out of here!"
"Too bad. Now do you wanna go by yourself, or shall I have to make you?"
Chiana pouted. "Macaroni and cheese," she grumbled and instantly vanished.
"Hey," Kara said suddenly, "I thought you said I could have a kissing scene in here. When's my kissing scene? And when do I get beaten with a duck?"
"I'm workin' on it, I'm workin' on it."
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"Hey Chiana, `bout time you got back," John said when Chiana reappeared.
"We've decided to go to Command," Will said.
"Command?" Chiana asked. "But everyone else is going to Command!"
"Exactly," Zhaan said. "Something big must be about to happen if everyone else is going. Some sort of plot-twisting event."
"I'm *telling* you," Harry said stubbornly, "*nothing's* going to happen. Manda probably just can't think of any other places on the ship to send people."
"You seem preoccupied with hating Manda," Seven said. "Perhaps you should, as humans say, `drop it.'"
"You're forgetting I'm the only one that's dealt with Manda before. I know what she's capable of."
"Actually," Zhaan said, "I was in one of her earlier fics. It was all about me," she said proudly.
"But that was years ago," John pointed out.
"Does this really have a point?" Will asked.
"Nah, probably not," Chiana said. "I think they're just wasting time."
"We should be leaving for Command," Seven said. "This waste of time is a...waste of time."
"Oooh, good one," Harry said.
"All right, all right, shut up you," he said to Harry. "Seven's right, let's go." Although none of them really wanted to, the team followed John to the door. When they were about a half a meter from the door, Manda and Kara appeared.
"Sorry guys, didn't mean to interrupt," Manda said looking at the stolen laptop and trying to balance it on her arm. "But John, you are the lucky winner."
"Lucky winner? Of what? Do I get to leave?!" he asked excitedly.
"Calm down killer," she said. "No. No one gets to leave." She erupted into evil laughter.
"Manda!" Kara shouted.
"Oh. Er, yeah. Anyway, no, I promised Kara a kissing scene with the prisoner...er, I mean, *guest* of her choice. Guess who she choose?" Manda finally looked up at John and smiled sweetly.
"Oh no," he said as Kara walked up to him. "C'mon, seriously. You're pretty and all, but I've got a girlfriend. If Aeryn-"
He was cut off as Kara pressed her lips against his. He resisted a little a first, but then figured, hey, as long as he had no say in this, he might as well enjoy it. (A/n: What a guy...) The kiss went on for a while, like any good kissing scene should. There quite possibly could have been tounge involved, but Manda will never tell.
When they finally let go of each other, they were both gasping for air. "Whoa," Kara said. "Hey, if you ever wanna just swing by, maybe give my boyfriend a few pointers, I wouldn't object," she said to John.
"All right, c'mon Kara," Manda said. "They've got work to do."
"Ok, ok, fine!" Kara and Manda both disappeared.
John turned around to face the team, only to find Will and Harry glaring at him. "What?" he said innocently.
"Why do *you* get the only kissing scene in the whole fic?!" Will said angrily.
"Well, it's probably not the *only* kissing scene," he said weakly.
"Yes it is," Seven said. "Manda said so when she was talk to Kara and Jordan." John glared at Seven, but she ignored it and preceded to the door. "As Manda said, we have `work to do.' I suggest we continue with our original plans."
"Yeah," John said. "What The Number says."
Seven narrowed her eyes, then turned her head and stuck her nose in the air. Reluctantly, they once again started on their way.
***************************************************************************************************************
A/n: he he he! I've broken my record for most reviews. It used to be 6. Now it's *9*. (yes, that's how pathetic a writer I am) And the Infamous Sherry reviewed it! I am so honored! (Sherry is Kara's cousin. Since Kara keeps telling me how great she is and I've yet to meet her, she's infamous ^_^) Anyway...a kissing scene! Oooh! Will Aeryn find out? And what *will* she do if she does? The answers to all this and MORE coming soon to a computer screen near you. Until then, make me feel special and review, s'il vous plait. Oui, I know, I'm pathetic, begging for reviews. But that doesn't that make you feel sorry for me and want to review me? No? Ah well, it was worth a try. ^_^
~Manda/SG