What If I Said
Emma Strachan
hnchick@hotmail.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------
Chapter 2
Friday, 2000 hours
Park Restaurant
Park Hotel
Washington, DC
'I'm so sorry. I have to leave tomorrow night,' Mic said over the noise of the restaurant. 'But I really have to go home. Mum is really sick, so I think it would be better if I go home and stay with her.'
'Mic, it's fine. Your family is more important.' Mac said glancing at him over the menu.
'But I consider you to be family,' he replied, grabbing her right hand and looking at the ring. 'So you still haven't decided.'
'I'm still thinking about it. Marriage isn't something that should be rushed into, I learnt that from my first marriage.' (and if I remember correctly, I murdered my first husband, Mac added in her head.)
'It's been ages. It can't take you that long to decide.' he was beginning to get annoyed. He wanted to marry Mac and spend the rest of his life with her but the longer she took to decide; the less he thought she loved him.
'I'm sorry. I have a lot on at work and as I said before, marriage isn't something to be rushed into. I can't help it. I just need more time to think about it.'
'Are you ready to order?' asked the waiter standing by their table.
'I'll have the sea food platter for my main meal, with the vegetable soup as an entree.' replied Mic taking a quick glance at the menu.
'What about you ma'am?' the waiter asked, turning to Mac.
'Could I have oysters as an entree and a well done steak as my main.' Mac ordered folding up her menu.
'Your meals shouldn't be too long.' the waiter replied taking their menus and heading towards the kitchen.
'Now, back to our discussion. It seriously can't take this long. It has been ages since I proposed.' Mic said, starting the discussion again. A discussion Mac didn't want to continue.
'Mic can we please discuss this another time. You leave tomorrow and I don't want to end up spending our last night together having a fight. I don't want to discuss it. I want to think about it in my own time and I don't want you to force me into make a decision. I'll let you know when I'm ready.' Mac was trying not to get angry at him, but sometimes he was so annoying. Why can't he get it through his head that I need time to think about this? I really have to decide soon. But whatever I decide, someone will get hurt. If I say no, Mic will be hurt, but if I say yes. Harm will be hurt.
'What are you thinking about?' asked Mic with a very weird look on his face.
'Nothing,' she said quickly, reaching for her glass of water. Mic wasn't convinced she was telling the truth. He was a lawyer. He could tell when people were lying.
'So what time does your plane leave tomorrow?' Mac enquired, changing the subject, as the waiter brought their entrees.
'At 1830 hours on QF101, from gate 23.'
* * * * *
Saturday 1800 hours
International Departure Lounge
Gate 23
'Flight QF101 is ready for boarding. All first class passengers on flight QF101 please proceed to gate 23 for boarding.'
Where was she? His flight was leaving in half and hour and she still wasn't here. Mic thought to himself, looking at his watch for the hundredth time.
'Mic. I'm so sorry I'm late.' Mac said, out of breath. 'The drive our here was unreal. It took me nearly an hour longer than what it should. I'm just lucky I got here before your plane left.'
'I'm glad you're here. They have just started boarding.' he replied giving her a hug.
'All business class passengers for flight QF101 to Sydney please proceed to gate 23 for boarding.'
'That's me,' he said looking at his boarding pass. 'I'm really sorry about this, but....'
'Mic. It's fine. I understand. You had better go.' Mac could feel tears developing, but she wasn't going to let them show. She wasn't the type of person who openly expressed her emotions.
'Ok, but can I get a kiss before I go.' He had a look on his face that Mac was having difficulty in reading. It was as though he would never see her again. But Mac knew he would be back, he wouldn't leave her alone until she had decided. Maybe he knew what the answer would be.
'I suppose I can do that for you,' she replied before they shared a long passionate kiss.
'Now you have to go.' Mac said giving him a gentle push towards the plane.
'I love you Sarah MacKenzie.'
'I know.'
* * * * *
Saturday 2330 hours
Flight QF101
Destination - Sydney, Australia
Mic settled into his seat wishing he had a lot more legroom so he could stretch out and sleep. But sleep was impossible. He'd seen the love of his life for the last time.
She still hadn't given him an answer, but he knew that Sarah MacKenzie's heart belonged to another man. She belonged to Harm. They were too stupid to realise what everyone else did, that the two of them were meant to be together.
When Mic was working at JAG, he could read their body language; they were destined to be together. But he could never tell either of them that, especially not Harm.
That day in Sydney when the Admiral ordered them to fight, was when Mic realised his thoughts were correct. Harm was in love with Mac and in a big way. They weren't fighting over the case; they were fighting over her.
'I'm not going to get any sleep with the way my thoughts are,' Mic decided, getting up from his seat.
* * * * *
Sunday 1300 hours
White House Rose Garden
Washington, DC
She stepped out of the car, smelling the sweet fragrance of the roses in full bloom. What a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon, walking through the garden where she met the man of her dreams.
Whenever she needed to think, this was the place she went. And she really needed to think. So many things were on her mind. Marriage, Mic, feelings, love and of course, Harm. He was always on her mind. He was the last thing she thought about at night and the first thing when she woke.
But she felt so guilty for thinking of Harm when she should be thinking of Mic. Mic was the one she was practically engaged to, but she wanted it to be Harm. If he had asked her to marry him, she would have said yes on the spot. There would've been no hesitation.
As Mac walked through the rose garden, stopping occasionally to smell the sweet perfume of the roses, she decided to listen to some music. While in Australia, she had fallen in love with a group called Human Nature. Their voices were fantastic, and the four guys could harmonise brilliantly. The way they sang the Australian National Anthem at the Olympics was great.
She grabbed her walkman out of her handbag and stuck in a tape of their songs. Pressing play, she realised as she listened to this song that the words were so appropriate for what she was feeling.
Can I just surrender now,
As the day is passing on,
There's a common wind that always brings us here,
To a door that's always open
But I just can't step inside,
Could it be that I just need to try.
Those words are so true. I just wish I could surrender. Surrender my feelings to Harm. And what are the odds I would listen to this song in the place where Harm and I met, four years ago.
I believe that it's killing me,
Just to tell you how I'm feeling
..............................................
Be the one, be the one to hide,
I believe that you are to me,
My wall of reality,
So why does if feel so hard to tell you.
Mac had spent so many nights thinking about her feelings for Harm and it was tearing her up inside. She wanted to tell him, to tell him she was in love with him, but she was scared of rejection. He was her "wall of reality." He had helped her so many times. When she was arrested for murder, when Dalton died, the time up in the mountains when she was shot. He was always there for her, through the good and the bad times.
What would I do, without you,
Part of my soul,
Part of me that I never knew,
What would I do
God only knows
What would I do without you.
Without him always being there for her, she probably would have started drinking again. But without him, she would have won some more cases, except she loved battling him in court. She would die if he wasn't around, she wouldn't get to see that gorgeous flyboy grin of his. The adventures and danger he put her through would be greatly missed. She needed him.
Baby, I've been disregarding,
What I really feel inside,
I believe its time,
I finally told you my mind,
I believe that you are to me
My wall of reality
So why does it feel so hard to tell you.
That's it! I have to tell him. Saturday night. But what happens if he doesn't feel the same way? What will I do then? I couldn't face him at work if he rejected me. I probably couldn't go on living if he didn't feel the same way.
What would I do, without you,
Part of my soul
Part of me that I never knew
What would I do
God only knows
What would I do without you
What would I do without you
I believe that you are to me
Everything that my world should be
I believe
Give myself to you
I believe that you are to me
My wall of reality
I believe
I don't know what I'll do without you.
She couldn't do it anymore. Her feelings were far too strong. She had to tell him or she'd explode. Everytime she saw him she went weak at the knees. When he smiled, she could barely breath.
If she didn't tell him soon, she never would. It had to be this Saturday night. But what about Renee? Maybe she shouldn't say anything while they are going out. But what will I do if they don't break up. He may marry her. Then I would have lost the chance completely.
Ok, Mac, this is what you're going to do, she said to herself. Keep your feelings about Harm to yourself for a few more weeks, hope that he and Renee break up during that time; don't give Mic an answer until after that time and hopefully everything will have a happy ending.
Fat chance of that happening.
* * * * *
Monday 0930
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm walked into the noisy bullpen, wondering how he had managed to oversleep. I need some coffee, he said to himself, dumping his briefcase in his office before proceeding to the galley.
'Well, well, well. Commander Rabb, you are thirty one minutes and fifty two seconds late for work. What do you have to say for yourself?' asked a certain Marine Corp. Colonel.
'Why are you so happy for a Monday morning?' he asked pouring the two of them a cup of coffee.
'Aren't I allowed to be happy? And don't change to subject. I would like you to explain your reasons for being late.' Mac said taking a sip of her coffee.
'Mac, leave me alone. I have been awake for less than an hour and I think I broke the land speed record trying to get here. I wish I had afterburners on my car.'
'Fine. I'll let you off this time. But if you're late again Commander, you'll have this Marine to deal with. Is that clear?' she told him trying not to laugh.
'Yes ma'am. Perfectly clear.'
'Good. So how was your weekend?'
By this time, the two of them were sitting in Mac's office.
'It was good. I went flying on Saturday. I've been feeling pretty guilty that I haven't taken her up since Renee and I started going out.'
'You should take Renee up with you one day.' As Mac said this, Harm had taken a big gulp of his coffee, which he almost choked on.
'What! Are you serious? Do you really see Renee agreeing to go flying with me? I doubt she would even consider it.'
'It was just a suggestion.'
'What did you do?'
'Well, I had dinner with Mic Friday night, then I saw him off at the airport Saturday night......'
'Hang on. What do you mean you saw him off?' Harm asked taking a quick look at her right hand. The ring was still there so they hadn't broken up.
'His mom is really sick, so he has gone back home to stay with her for a while.'
'How do you feel about him going home?'
'I'm a bit glad that his gone. I mean, I need some time to think about everything and it's really hard having him here all the time. He can be very annoying in large doses.'
'Then maybe you shouldn't marry him. Do you love him? I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask a question like that. It's your business.' Harm said, blushing.
'Don't worry about it. It's fine. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I do love him but I'm not sure if it is strong enough for us to get married.'
'You should probably decide soon. I don't think he is the kind to wait around for eternity.'
'No, that's how long I'll have to wait.' she said smirking. 'I have so much on my mind.' More like I have you on my mind, she added to herself. 'So how's the court martial going?'
'Really good. It should be over in the next few days.'
'Excuse me sir, ma'am, but Colonel, there is a phone call for you.' said Lt. Sims entering Mac's office.
'Do you know who it is?' Mac asked, about to pick up the phone.
'It's Mic Brumby, ma'am.'
'Ok, thanks Harriet.'
'Not problem ma'am,' Harriet said before leaving the office.
'I'll leave you alone,' Harm said, picking up his coffee and leaving her office.
Mac just smiled at him as she picked up the phone.
'Hi Mic. How was your flight home?'
* * * * *
to be continued.
Emma Strachan
hnchick@hotmail.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------
Chapter 2
Friday, 2000 hours
Park Restaurant
Park Hotel
Washington, DC
'I'm so sorry. I have to leave tomorrow night,' Mic said over the noise of the restaurant. 'But I really have to go home. Mum is really sick, so I think it would be better if I go home and stay with her.'
'Mic, it's fine. Your family is more important.' Mac said glancing at him over the menu.
'But I consider you to be family,' he replied, grabbing her right hand and looking at the ring. 'So you still haven't decided.'
'I'm still thinking about it. Marriage isn't something that should be rushed into, I learnt that from my first marriage.' (and if I remember correctly, I murdered my first husband, Mac added in her head.)
'It's been ages. It can't take you that long to decide.' he was beginning to get annoyed. He wanted to marry Mac and spend the rest of his life with her but the longer she took to decide; the less he thought she loved him.
'I'm sorry. I have a lot on at work and as I said before, marriage isn't something to be rushed into. I can't help it. I just need more time to think about it.'
'Are you ready to order?' asked the waiter standing by their table.
'I'll have the sea food platter for my main meal, with the vegetable soup as an entree.' replied Mic taking a quick glance at the menu.
'What about you ma'am?' the waiter asked, turning to Mac.
'Could I have oysters as an entree and a well done steak as my main.' Mac ordered folding up her menu.
'Your meals shouldn't be too long.' the waiter replied taking their menus and heading towards the kitchen.
'Now, back to our discussion. It seriously can't take this long. It has been ages since I proposed.' Mic said, starting the discussion again. A discussion Mac didn't want to continue.
'Mic can we please discuss this another time. You leave tomorrow and I don't want to end up spending our last night together having a fight. I don't want to discuss it. I want to think about it in my own time and I don't want you to force me into make a decision. I'll let you know when I'm ready.' Mac was trying not to get angry at him, but sometimes he was so annoying. Why can't he get it through his head that I need time to think about this? I really have to decide soon. But whatever I decide, someone will get hurt. If I say no, Mic will be hurt, but if I say yes. Harm will be hurt.
'What are you thinking about?' asked Mic with a very weird look on his face.
'Nothing,' she said quickly, reaching for her glass of water. Mic wasn't convinced she was telling the truth. He was a lawyer. He could tell when people were lying.
'So what time does your plane leave tomorrow?' Mac enquired, changing the subject, as the waiter brought their entrees.
'At 1830 hours on QF101, from gate 23.'
* * * * *
Saturday 1800 hours
International Departure Lounge
Gate 23
'Flight QF101 is ready for boarding. All first class passengers on flight QF101 please proceed to gate 23 for boarding.'
Where was she? His flight was leaving in half and hour and she still wasn't here. Mic thought to himself, looking at his watch for the hundredth time.
'Mic. I'm so sorry I'm late.' Mac said, out of breath. 'The drive our here was unreal. It took me nearly an hour longer than what it should. I'm just lucky I got here before your plane left.'
'I'm glad you're here. They have just started boarding.' he replied giving her a hug.
'All business class passengers for flight QF101 to Sydney please proceed to gate 23 for boarding.'
'That's me,' he said looking at his boarding pass. 'I'm really sorry about this, but....'
'Mic. It's fine. I understand. You had better go.' Mac could feel tears developing, but she wasn't going to let them show. She wasn't the type of person who openly expressed her emotions.
'Ok, but can I get a kiss before I go.' He had a look on his face that Mac was having difficulty in reading. It was as though he would never see her again. But Mac knew he would be back, he wouldn't leave her alone until she had decided. Maybe he knew what the answer would be.
'I suppose I can do that for you,' she replied before they shared a long passionate kiss.
'Now you have to go.' Mac said giving him a gentle push towards the plane.
'I love you Sarah MacKenzie.'
'I know.'
* * * * *
Saturday 2330 hours
Flight QF101
Destination - Sydney, Australia
Mic settled into his seat wishing he had a lot more legroom so he could stretch out and sleep. But sleep was impossible. He'd seen the love of his life for the last time.
She still hadn't given him an answer, but he knew that Sarah MacKenzie's heart belonged to another man. She belonged to Harm. They were too stupid to realise what everyone else did, that the two of them were meant to be together.
When Mic was working at JAG, he could read their body language; they were destined to be together. But he could never tell either of them that, especially not Harm.
That day in Sydney when the Admiral ordered them to fight, was when Mic realised his thoughts were correct. Harm was in love with Mac and in a big way. They weren't fighting over the case; they were fighting over her.
'I'm not going to get any sleep with the way my thoughts are,' Mic decided, getting up from his seat.
* * * * *
Sunday 1300 hours
White House Rose Garden
Washington, DC
She stepped out of the car, smelling the sweet fragrance of the roses in full bloom. What a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon, walking through the garden where she met the man of her dreams.
Whenever she needed to think, this was the place she went. And she really needed to think. So many things were on her mind. Marriage, Mic, feelings, love and of course, Harm. He was always on her mind. He was the last thing she thought about at night and the first thing when she woke.
But she felt so guilty for thinking of Harm when she should be thinking of Mic. Mic was the one she was practically engaged to, but she wanted it to be Harm. If he had asked her to marry him, she would have said yes on the spot. There would've been no hesitation.
As Mac walked through the rose garden, stopping occasionally to smell the sweet perfume of the roses, she decided to listen to some music. While in Australia, she had fallen in love with a group called Human Nature. Their voices were fantastic, and the four guys could harmonise brilliantly. The way they sang the Australian National Anthem at the Olympics was great.
She grabbed her walkman out of her handbag and stuck in a tape of their songs. Pressing play, she realised as she listened to this song that the words were so appropriate for what she was feeling.
Can I just surrender now,
As the day is passing on,
There's a common wind that always brings us here,
To a door that's always open
But I just can't step inside,
Could it be that I just need to try.
Those words are so true. I just wish I could surrender. Surrender my feelings to Harm. And what are the odds I would listen to this song in the place where Harm and I met, four years ago.
I believe that it's killing me,
Just to tell you how I'm feeling
..............................................
Be the one, be the one to hide,
I believe that you are to me,
My wall of reality,
So why does if feel so hard to tell you.
Mac had spent so many nights thinking about her feelings for Harm and it was tearing her up inside. She wanted to tell him, to tell him she was in love with him, but she was scared of rejection. He was her "wall of reality." He had helped her so many times. When she was arrested for murder, when Dalton died, the time up in the mountains when she was shot. He was always there for her, through the good and the bad times.
What would I do, without you,
Part of my soul,
Part of me that I never knew,
What would I do
God only knows
What would I do without you.
Without him always being there for her, she probably would have started drinking again. But without him, she would have won some more cases, except she loved battling him in court. She would die if he wasn't around, she wouldn't get to see that gorgeous flyboy grin of his. The adventures and danger he put her through would be greatly missed. She needed him.
Baby, I've been disregarding,
What I really feel inside,
I believe its time,
I finally told you my mind,
I believe that you are to me
My wall of reality
So why does it feel so hard to tell you.
That's it! I have to tell him. Saturday night. But what happens if he doesn't feel the same way? What will I do then? I couldn't face him at work if he rejected me. I probably couldn't go on living if he didn't feel the same way.
What would I do, without you,
Part of my soul
Part of me that I never knew
What would I do
God only knows
What would I do without you
What would I do without you
I believe that you are to me
Everything that my world should be
I believe
Give myself to you
I believe that you are to me
My wall of reality
I believe
I don't know what I'll do without you.
She couldn't do it anymore. Her feelings were far too strong. She had to tell him or she'd explode. Everytime she saw him she went weak at the knees. When he smiled, she could barely breath.
If she didn't tell him soon, she never would. It had to be this Saturday night. But what about Renee? Maybe she shouldn't say anything while they are going out. But what will I do if they don't break up. He may marry her. Then I would have lost the chance completely.
Ok, Mac, this is what you're going to do, she said to herself. Keep your feelings about Harm to yourself for a few more weeks, hope that he and Renee break up during that time; don't give Mic an answer until after that time and hopefully everything will have a happy ending.
Fat chance of that happening.
* * * * *
Monday 0930
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm walked into the noisy bullpen, wondering how he had managed to oversleep. I need some coffee, he said to himself, dumping his briefcase in his office before proceeding to the galley.
'Well, well, well. Commander Rabb, you are thirty one minutes and fifty two seconds late for work. What do you have to say for yourself?' asked a certain Marine Corp. Colonel.
'Why are you so happy for a Monday morning?' he asked pouring the two of them a cup of coffee.
'Aren't I allowed to be happy? And don't change to subject. I would like you to explain your reasons for being late.' Mac said taking a sip of her coffee.
'Mac, leave me alone. I have been awake for less than an hour and I think I broke the land speed record trying to get here. I wish I had afterburners on my car.'
'Fine. I'll let you off this time. But if you're late again Commander, you'll have this Marine to deal with. Is that clear?' she told him trying not to laugh.
'Yes ma'am. Perfectly clear.'
'Good. So how was your weekend?'
By this time, the two of them were sitting in Mac's office.
'It was good. I went flying on Saturday. I've been feeling pretty guilty that I haven't taken her up since Renee and I started going out.'
'You should take Renee up with you one day.' As Mac said this, Harm had taken a big gulp of his coffee, which he almost choked on.
'What! Are you serious? Do you really see Renee agreeing to go flying with me? I doubt she would even consider it.'
'It was just a suggestion.'
'What did you do?'
'Well, I had dinner with Mic Friday night, then I saw him off at the airport Saturday night......'
'Hang on. What do you mean you saw him off?' Harm asked taking a quick look at her right hand. The ring was still there so they hadn't broken up.
'His mom is really sick, so he has gone back home to stay with her for a while.'
'How do you feel about him going home?'
'I'm a bit glad that his gone. I mean, I need some time to think about everything and it's really hard having him here all the time. He can be very annoying in large doses.'
'Then maybe you shouldn't marry him. Do you love him? I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask a question like that. It's your business.' Harm said, blushing.
'Don't worry about it. It's fine. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I do love him but I'm not sure if it is strong enough for us to get married.'
'You should probably decide soon. I don't think he is the kind to wait around for eternity.'
'No, that's how long I'll have to wait.' she said smirking. 'I have so much on my mind.' More like I have you on my mind, she added to herself. 'So how's the court martial going?'
'Really good. It should be over in the next few days.'
'Excuse me sir, ma'am, but Colonel, there is a phone call for you.' said Lt. Sims entering Mac's office.
'Do you know who it is?' Mac asked, about to pick up the phone.
'It's Mic Brumby, ma'am.'
'Ok, thanks Harriet.'
'Not problem ma'am,' Harriet said before leaving the office.
'I'll leave you alone,' Harm said, picking up his coffee and leaving her office.
Mac just smiled at him as she picked up the phone.
'Hi Mic. How was your flight home?'
* * * * *
to be continued.