"A Single Yellow Rose" – Chapter Twenty Eight
Philip felt the quick rush of Chloe's gasp when she realized what he'd just done but he continued kissing her, keeping his hand still against her stomach. He felt her fingertips on his wrist and he quickly clasped her hand, bringing it up between the two of them to lay it flat against his chest.
"Touch me Chloe," he breathed in between quick kisses against her lips.
Pulling back so he could see her, Philip locked his gaze with hers as he slowly moved his hand back to her hip tracing the stitched, raised outer edge of her jeans along her thigh. He could barely see her eyes in the shadows but the moment he felt her fingers flex against his skin just below his collarbone he found himself closing his own eyes against the pure pleasure that soared through him. The surprise pressure of her lips on the edge of his jaw caused him to jump and he moved his hand from her shoulders to the back of her head as her lips continued to move up the length of his neck. Her nails grazed over his skin to his shirt continuing down his body until she reached where it was tucked into his waistband.
His hand stilled against her leg the moment he felt her teeth nip at his neck just under his ear and when he felt her fingers curl into a fist and tug at his shirt, he lay her back down against the blanket. Reclaiming her lips with his own he deepened the kiss as Chloe's fingers wiggled underneath his shirt, her warm touch singeing his cool skin as she stretched out her hand across his back. Chloe's fervent response to him fueled his own desires as she responded to his kisses by pressing him even closer to her. Sliding one of his legs up between hers, Philip trailed his fingers down the side of her thigh, across her knee and back up her inner thigh, his fingers pressing at the hollow between her leg and his. Trailing with just his index finger, he started at her upper thigh and slowly moved upward tracing the outline of her zipper until he captured the small, metal tab with his fingers.
"Philip…no..." Chloe suddenly broke away from his kiss, quickly moving her hand from his back to anchor it his around his wrist.
"Chloe…it's okay…"
Pushing him away, she struggled to sit up. "No…no it's not…"
"Baby…don't be scared," Philip whispered, moving his hand to cup her cheek. He pressed, trying to get her to look at him.
"I'm n-not scared," Chloe wrenched her face away from his touch, "p-please let me up…"
"Chloe…"
"Please…"
Philip heard the faint edge of desperation in her voice and he immediately released her. Chloe quickly sat up, hugging her knees to her chest, her breath coming in quick gasps as she tried to control its wild, erratic pattern.
"What happened?" Philip asked still lying on his side staring at the empty spot of the blanket where seconds ago Chloe had laid beside him, himself struggling to control his uneven breathing.
"Nothing."
"I didn't…I mean did I cause you to…" Philip felt his words catch in the back of his throat but he force himself to continue. "Did you…remember…something from your past?"
Chloe didn't answer him, only shaking her head in response.
Philip closed his eyes in a quick prayer, relieved that what they had shared wouldn't be marred by a memory from her childhood. "Then what is it?"
"It's happening…too fast…I'm not ready for things to go this far."
Philip slowly rose to sit next to her, mindful of the pressure straining against the metal buttons of his fly. "What far? We were only kissing Chloe…and touching." He leaned forward, brushing back her hair trying to see her face. "And unless I'm mistaken you were enjoying it as much as I was."
Chloe turned away from his words unable to look at him.
"It's okay to enjoy this…to want this…to want a physical relationship with someone…" Philip watched as Chloe's shoulders grew rigid but he continued. "…and I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about being close to someone in a-"
"Look, this is all new to me," Chloe swung her head around, her hair flying over her shoulder. "Maybe this is old hat to you and I'm sure I'm not the first girl you've brought out here but I've never done this before! I don't know the rules Philip and I don't know how to play the game! I mean how far was it suppose to go? Where do you take your girls the next time…the jacuzzi or is it straight up to the bedroom?"
Stunned at her words Philip could only stare at her. His first reaction was to defend himself but that would mean going back on a promise he once made to her. "Chloe I can't tell you that I've never done this before…I would be lying to you but-"
Reaching for her jacket Chloe scrambled to her feet. "I think we should go back to the party."
"Chloe…"
"Save your breath Philip I'm not interested in anything you have to say."
"That wasn't the case a few minutes ago. You were melting into me Chloe…just as much as I was losing myself in you…"
"Don't try to sweet talk me…I'm not staying!"
"Well, heading back to the party is just going to have to wait for a few minutes!" Philip said sharply.
"Why?" Chloe demanded, staring down at him.
"Because that wasn't a set of keys in my pocket you felt pressing against you a few minutes ago."
Chloe could see Philip was daring her to respond but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. Snapping it shut she decided she had to get out of there. Her mind was racing with what had just happened here and it frightened her…not with fear but she was scared and unsure of how her body was responding to Philip and why she felt like she had little control over those responses. Was what just happened here normal? Did other girls feel this same way? Ceaseless, inward questions hammered at her and she didn't have any answers to them. Turning away, she started for the stall opening.
"Wait." Philip grabbed at her ankle and while she could have broken free and kept walking, Chloe allowed him to stop her. "Don't go."
She felt Philip's hands on her calves as he slowly pulled himself up to his knees moving his hands up the back of her legs, one over the other, until he was kneeling directly in front of her. When he spread his fingers wide across her hips and again reached under her sweater to wrap them around to her waist, Chloe closed her eyes against the sensation of his hands on her bare skin. His breath was warm where it caressed her stomach throw the woven fibers of her sweater and she found herself biting hard on her lower lip against his name that wanted to roll off her tongue.
"Chloe…I think you are afraid…"
"We've had this conversation already Philip…I've told you…because of what happ-…because of my past…I can't give you what you expect…what you're used to getting from the other girls you've been with…"
"Stop it!" Philip hushed command came out fiercer than he wanted and he momentary tightened his grip on her before he began to gently massage her waist. "I'm not talking about what I expect or what you think you can or can't give and I'm certainly not talking about any other girl…I'm talking about you and what you are feeling…"
"Y-you have no idea what I am feeling," Chloe whispered.
"No? How about an emotion that is so overwhelming you don't even have a name for it? How about all it takes is one look to make your stomach start doing somersaults and for your heart to decide that it's new home is in your throat rather than your chest?" Philip looked up at Chloe hoping she would look at him but instead she was staring straight ahead. "How about knowing, deep inside of you…in a place that you never even knew existed before…there is a feeling taking root…a feeling that screams you are experiencing something that is going to change your life forever…"
"Philip…"
"That how you make me feel Chloe…and I think you are feeling the same way. I can't begin to understand what happened to you when you were younger, but maybe…maybe you've been hiding behind that horrific experience and using it as a shield for so long you don't know any other way. It's become an out for you so you don't have to deal with anything…least of all these new emotions that you have been discovering over the last year ever since your mom found you and brought you home."
"Don't you see…by finally telling someone…by telling me…about what happened you were ready to take the steps you need to in order to heal. But at the same you are cutting away the safety net that has always kept you just a bit on the outside of whatever was happening deep inside of you. Whether it's me, or your family or even friends…you have always kept a part of yourself…the biggest part of yourself …hidden away."
Philip lifted the edge of her sweater and placing his chin in the v created by the still open button of her jeans, placing his moist lips against the smooth flatness of her stomach. "You can't hide anymore baby…not from yourself and that scares you more than anything…."
Philip's words awakened a realization within her that left Chloe reeling. She immediately opened her mouth to deny his words and found herself unable to do so. That fact alone was enough to fill her with a need to be alone to sort out all that had happened here this afternoon.
"Let me go."
Chloe pushed against his shoulders and Philip released her, moving back to rest on his heels. "We need to talk about this."
"No, no…I don't want to talk…I can't talk about this now…"
Philip reached back for her, his hands again bracketing her hips. "Chloe…"
"No!" Shoving him away, Chloe raced for the opening.
"Chloe!" Philip lunged for her but he only ended up landing on his hands and knees, the sound of the slamming of the stable door echoing in his ears.
*****
Belle leaned her head to the side as she felt Shawn's hand brush back her hair, his kisses moving from her shoulders up to her ear. The touch of his tongue against the outer edge of her ear caused a tremor to course though her.
"Don't tell me you're cold." Shawn whispered his breath warm against her ear.
"No…it's you," Belle said.
Suddenly she felt he moved away from her as he scooted back on the cushion. Twisting around, she watched as he tugged at his tee shirt pulling it out of the waistband of his jeans. "What are you doing?"
His shirt now loose, Shawn reached back between his shoulder blades and pulled it over his head in one smooth motion revealing a wash board stomach and wide shoulders. "I'm just getting more comfortable."
"Shawn! What if someone comes in?"
"They won't," he answered dropping the shirt to the ground. "I locked the door when I came in."
"You locked…" Belle dropped his gaze as her voice faded away. "Were you planning on something…on this…happening?"
"No…I just wanted to talk to you without anyone interrupting us…but I'm not complaining." Reaching out, he placed a finger under her chin, lifting Belle's face until she was forced to look at him. Leaning forward, Shawn's gaze dropping to her mouth. "If this makes you uncomfortable just say the word and we'll stop…"
"No…I…" Belle's words faded away as Shawn's dark eyes instantly locked onto hers. "I don't want to stop…"
Belle leaned in, pressing feather light kisses against his mouth. Shawn matched her kisses, each one lingering a bit longer than the one before. Pulling her tighter between his legs, Shawn wanted to deepen the kiss but he knew that what was happening between the two of them was all up to Belle.
"So…what do you want?" he asked, his words dancing against her lips as he gently smoothed his hands up and down her arms.
"You…"
Shawn froze at her one word as all that it implied washed over him. She had never known what it took for him to walk away from her the last time they were at this point and he'd carried her up to his room. When he had left her at the side of his bed and went over to his dresser he truly didn't know if he was going to get a change of clothes or the protection he would need in order to make love to her. His fingers had brushed against the small box of condoms he had hidden away only a few days before as he reached for a clean tee shirt and for the briefest moment, the hesitation was there.
He loved Belle. He knew that as well as he knew his own name and he'd finally told her that but he doubted she remembered. In those first hours after the attack, he had tried to reassure her of his feelings but he could tell that a numbness had begun to settle over her and she had shut down her emotions. It had only been since last night that he was starting to see the sparks of the old Belle who'd always wore her heart, and her emotions, on her sleeve. When she had snapped at him today out by the pond he was secretly happy to have her acting more like herself. But what exactly she was asking for here, he really had no idea.
"Belle…I…don't know…"
"I do." Rising long enough to brace her knee on the cushion, Belle dropped her sweater on the ground next to his shirt and placed her hands on Shawn's face, the movement pulling the straps of her camisole tight against her arms and the upper slope of her breasts. She settled her lips over his as she pushed him back against the cushion and Shawn had no choice but to wrap his arms around her to keep the both of them from falling off the other side.
The silky material of her top slipped through Shawn's fingers as he found himself responding to her demanding kisses. His tongue eagerly swept into her mouth and she responded to it mirroring his actions while her hands gripped at his shoulders. Dropping his hands to her waist, he easily lifted her and settled her fully on top of him. A groan filled his chest as Belle pressed her hips into his and he tried to keep her still, his hands bracketing her hips. But she pressed her hands flat to his chest and pulled herself higher on him causing the edge of her camisole to slip even lower.
Shawn felt Belle go still the moment the heat of his skin touched hers as bare chest met bare chest. He started to back away from the kiss wanting to talk but then the moment was gone as Belle pushed to deepen their kiss and it hit Shawn with a sudden clarity that something was wrong. This wasn't the same Belle he'd been with before when their private, intimate moments always included talking and laughter, sweetness and newly discovered passion. He knew he had mistaken desperation for passion and he tried to end the kiss. Forced to roll Belle onto her back, he pulled away from her.
"No…don't…" Belle pleaded as she tried to reach out for him but her arms were still trapped by the straps of her camisole.
Shawn struggled to control his breathing as he looked down at Belle. Her eyes were closed tightly, refusing to look at him. Or more importantly, he realized she was refusing to look at him looking at her.
Reaching for her flaring hand and she gripped his tightly and tried to pull him down on top of her but he refused to move. "Belle…"
"Shawn please…" she turned her head into the crook of his arm.
"Belle we have to slow down."
"What? I thought you wanted this-" her voice broke as a choking cry filled her throat.
Shawn slowly pulled his hand free and reached up to gently caress her face. He felt her jump the moment he touched her and it killed him. "Belle…it's me."
"I know," she whispered her chest rising and falling rapidly.
"Look at me."
He watched as she pressed herself
closed to his side as if she was trying to- iMy god, he thought, it's as
if she is trying to hide from me/i.
Leaning down close to her, he trailed his fingers down her neck to her shoulders. "It's Shawn," he whispered and he felt her nod in response. His lips followed the path his fingers created.
"It's Shawn," he repeated against her skin before moving lower. Leaving soft, damp kisses on her skin, he repeated his name again and again as he felt her begin to relax in his arms. Rising again, he saw she had turned away from his arm but her eyes remained closed.
"Belle…look at me."
"Why is that so important to you?"
"Because I want you to see me looking at you…" with a tentative touch he traced an imaginary line down between her breasts his eyes following. When his gaze returned to Belle's face, she was watching him, tears shimming in those beautiful blue eyes of hers. "You are so beautiful."
"Why did you stop?"
Grasping the edge of her camisole with his fingers, Shawn gently pulled it back up, covering her and then pulling up the straps until they rested on her shoulders. "It's too soon for this Belle…I never should have let it go this far…and besides I don't-"
"You don't want me now," Belle harsh tone cut off his words, "is that what you are trying so gallantly to say?"
"Put your hand on my fly and you'll know how 'gallantly' I want you!" Shawn shot back, instantly regretting his words. "I'm sorry Belle, I shouldn't have-"
Belle pressed her fingers to his lips silencing his apology. "Please don't say you're sorry! I just don't understand…"
"You know…every time you kiss me I find myself unable to even think straight," Shawn said, tunneling his fingers through his dark hair. "This isn't the right time for us…I don't want to have to apologize for everything I say and I don't want you to close your eyes."
Belle didn't close her eyes but she did turn away and didn't look back until Shawn's pressing fingers insisted. "I didn't plan on this happening today Belle…I don't have anything with me."
"Oh…I wasn't even thinking about that."
"But even if I did…I want the first time I make love to you to create a memory for us…not try an erase one."
"You think that is what I was doing?"
"Wasn't it?"
Belle pushed him away, struggling to sit up. "How can you think that about me? You make it sound like I just wanted to use you-"
Shawn reached for her before she was able to grab her sweater, wrapping his arm around her waist pulling to tightly to his chest. "Belle…don't!"
"I wanted to be close to you!" she cried, trying to wrench free of his embrace. "I wanted to lose myself in you because with you I feel so safe…was that too much to ask?"
"Of course not!" Shawn said, bringing his other hand to rest against her cheek, forcing her head back against his shoulder. "Do you realize today is the first time you have kissed me since the attack? I mean…really kiss me. You have no idea how much I've missed that…how much I've missed you. You are starting to come back to me Belle…I don't want to rush things…"
"Maybe I was trying to replace one memory with another. Its just that it feels so right with you and I know we were heading in that direction before all this happened. Maybe I'm afraid…"
"Of what?" Shawn asked after Belle's voice faded away.
"I don't know…maybe it won't the same between us…I mean look at today…a part of me was so caught up in being with you but another part of me felt like I was chasing after you. Like all I have is the memory of the attack and I don't want that to be the only one but if I don't hurry up and replace it you might not be around when I'm finally ready…oh boy, does any of that make sense?"
"Yes and no but you don't have to worry…I'm not going anywhere and you can't get rid of me no matter how hard you try."
Leaning back, Belle looked up into Shawn's eyes. "So what are you saying? You're willing to wait for me?"
"I've waited my whole life to love you Belle," Shawn leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her mouth before brushing away a few lingering tears. "I think I can hang on for a while longer."
"I love you Brady."
"I love you too Belle."
Dipping his head again, Shawn claimed her lips in a slow kiss and when she threaded her fingers through his hair drawing him even closer Shawn wrapped his arms around her content in knowing that this was enough for him…and for her…for now.
A sudden banging sound caused the both of them to jump, ending their kiss and Belle immediately reached for her sweater. "Where is that coming from?"
"It must be the door," Shawn said, "but relax…I told you I locked it and I've got the key."
Belle quickly pulled her sweater over her head as the insistent knocking continued. "Well someone isn't giving up."
"Belle? Mimi? Are you in there?"
Belle turned toward the direction of the voice before twisting back around to look at Shawn. "Is that Chloe?"
"Nah, it's can't be…she and Philip took off as soon as the three of you got here."
"Belle?" the voice repeated. "Oh please…are you here?"
Just as suddenly as the voice appeared it was gone.
"That is Chloe…something's wrong." Belle reached for her jacket the same time as Shawn reached for his shirt. Minutes later they were at the door but Chloe wasn't anywhere around.
"I know that was her," Belle said, "but where did she go?"
"Come on," Shawn grabbed her hand. "Let's go find her or Philip and find out what is going on."
Shawn headed back down the hallway with Belle right at his side.
"By the way…where is Mimi?"
"She went home. I ran into her when I was first looking for the two of you. I guess her little run in with Jan gave her a headache."
"Well Jason walking…umm, skating away when she wanted to talk didn't help either I'm sure."
Entering back into the main hall of the house all they heard was silence. "It's errie how its always so quiet in this house." Belle said.
"I was thinking the same thing earlier. It looks like no one is around. Maybe she went back out by the pond."
Shawn reached for the double doors that lead into the living room when Philip came running through the other side crashing into them.
"Whoa! Slow down man…where's the fire?" Shawn said grabbing onto his friend to keep the both of them from hitting the ground.
"Have you seen Chloe?" Philip asked.
"No but we are looking for her," Belle said, "what's going on?"
Philip's puzzled glance went from Belle to Shawn and back to Belle again. "Why are you looking for her?"
"Why are you?"
"Because I have to talk to her."
"Well she was looking for me a few minutes ago but she left the solarium before we could get to the door."
"But the solarium is always unlocked."
"Not always," Shawn mumbled under his breath and was rewarded with a swift elbow to the gut courtesy of Belle.
Philip looked at his buddy's grin and the sudden redness that colored Belle's cheeks. Well, I guess Chloe and I weren't the only ones trying to steal a few moments of privacy, he thought. But I bet their afternoon didn't end the way his did. "So, you haven't seen her?"
"When we got out here she was gone." Belle said.
"Well she's not out by the pond…I just came from there. I didn't see Mimi outside, maybe she grabbed a ride home from her?"
"No way man, Mimi's been gone for a while." Shawn said. "She left soon after Jason did."
"Jason's gone too? Why…wait, don't tell me he and Mimi got into it?"
Shawn shook his head. "More like Jan and Mimi got into it…big time."
"What?"
"Yeah…a cat fight on ice…you missed it man."
"What brought that on?"
"Well Belle started asking her questions about why she was acting so strange around Jason this past week and last night at Dotcom and…"
"…and I found that that Jason never told her about what Jan did to him at Nick's party," Belle interrupted. "So we finally told her and she admitted to us that she was playing with Jason's feelings to get back at Jan…"
"…so she went out to talk to him." Shawn said, continuing the story. "But of course Jason was being Jason and when Jan had the nerve to join them he just took off. The next thing we knew Jan and Mimi were going at it."
Philip just shook his head as the headache that started the moment he left the stables increased. "So the bottom line is Mimi left a while ago and we still don't know where Chloe is."
"She sounded a little upset when she was calling for me Phil…did something happen between you two?"
"N-no…nothing happened."
"Is that the problem?" Shawn asked, his pointed gaze asking an unspoken question.
Philip returned his stare for a long moment before looking away. "I just need to talk with her. Maybe she is still in the house somewhere."
"I'm sorry sir but Miss Lane has departed."
Philip whirled around to find Henderson standing directly behind him. "Geez, I wish you would stop doing that…boy, you'd think I'd be use to it by now. When did she leave Henderson?"
"Just a few moments ago sir."
"Well she must be walking," Philip said heading for the front door. "I'm going after her."
"No sir that is not necessary. She was offered a ride home by Mr. Brady's brother."
"My what?" Shawn asked.
Belle, Philip and Shawn just stared at each other before the three of them turned to look at the bewildered expression on the butler's face. "Do I say something wrong?"
"Henderson you must be mistaken. My brother is just a baby. He isn't even a year old."
"Oh my," Henderson replied, obviously distressed as his error. "I apologize sir. I didn't quite see the young man she was speaking with as he was apparently on his way out when she met up with him at the door but I could have sworn she addressed the gentleman as Brady."
to be continued….