Chapter 10 - A Certain Someone

She stopped in front of the gray metal door and searched in her bag until her fingers touched something hard. Taking it out, Nikita looked at the small, brown glass bottle that contained the key to her sanity. Her stomach clenched at the sight of the white, seemingly harmless pills.

Swallowing a pill and taking off her glasses, Nikita just hoped that she didn't look as dead as she felt. The door opened and she entered Madeline's office.

The older woman was standing in front of her bonsai trees, sometimes cutting a leaf here and there. She didn't turn around, not even as Nikita asked, "You wanted to see me?"

Coldness

The familiar, ice cold fingers touched Nikita's back, sending a shiver down her spine and leaving her breathless.

Trees, pretty easy, little so little... light and tall, no doubts, have to go through with it, unusual behavior... statics it's so bad did it work can she feel

"Your success rate has dropped significantly since your capture by Red Cell. Do you have unresolved issues with that? Do you feel any negative after effects?"

Read her, not successful did it work work, important mission not sorry never, ever sorry for your actions her voice is like my mom's

Action?

She's gone tell me did it workfocus

She had a hard time concentrating on Madeline's words. There were so many thoughts, so many pictures flashing before her eyes... Nikita took a deep breath and smoothed her black skirt. It was new, the material still crisp, yet another unfamiliar feeling.

"No. Why didn't you tell me before?"

Of course she hadn't been fully focused on her job lately, how could she? But everything had gone relatively well after the Mayamo mission, and Nikita had hoped, despite better knowledge, that they'd forgotten, or never even noticed her slips. No such luck.

Let nobody see your true self, it's too bright in there and I think....- did she miss her mommy... had to be done, white hair like snow, eyes like a storm- Dr Ryan... last phase of

"We didn't think it would be neccessary."

"And now you do?"

White room, Birkoff's gone all teams abort the mission, I repeat Greg, turn off the com unit

"We didn't give you downtime and perhaps that was a mistake…

I never make mistakes anymore...is that really neccessary, a male voice, acceptablerisk, was it

…but you'll have a free week after this mission. You have a briefing in three hours."

Change of plans, curiosity wanna know what... she'll never - work - he has to be alive... important, do I know him- Good morning, Dr Ryan

"Okay."

Nikita all but fled from the room, just wanting to get away from the cold strangeness. She'd gained a quick peek inside Madeline's head - it wasn't pretty. And she had a suspicion - one she hoped desperately would be proven wrong.

~~~

Systems was luckily empty and Nikita slid relieved on the chair. A noisy operative was the last thing she needed right now. She closed her eyes. Thoughts were fuzzy at best, and moving too fast to really grasp them. But she'd seen two things: her capture had been no accident, and something was off with the target of her next mission. Madeline knew him. Personally. And why was she scheduled for it at all when Birkoff had told her otherwise? Nikita started to search for Dr. Ryan.

Dr. Nicolas Ryan, specialist in psychology and biochemistry, with a bunch of degrees in other subjects as well, forty years old, widowed. Had been kidnapped by Red Cell the month before and Section had gotten the task of retrieving him before he might be forced to develop some new weapon.

So far, so good.

Everything had gone smoothly on that particurlar mission until Nikita's com unit had failed and, cut off from her team, she'd been captured. And there was no indication in the profile that Ryan had had earlier contact with Section One. Or Madeline.

Good morning, Dr. Ryan.

It sounded familiar. Like she'd heard it before, a long time ago, pushed aside but never quite completely forgotten...

Good morning, Dr. Ryan.

I'm not going-

"Nikita?"

She jumped and turned around hastily. Michael. Just Michael. Right.

"Yeah?"

Did her voice sound too squeaky, too unsure? What did he want from her? Nikita regarded him, his usual black suit, his brown hair, his eyes that always seemed to penetrate her soul and dig up her darkest secrets. But his own soul was quiet, and in a way she was grateful for that. She wasn't too sure if she wanted to know Michael's secrets anyway.

"What are you doing here?"

His gaze settled on the screen behind her, on Ryan's handsome face that was, despite his age, framed by snow white hair. White, like freshly fallen, untouched snow. Nikita felt her face grow hot.

"I'm - I'm scheduled for a briefing in two hours. Thought I would look a bit at the intel."

That didn't explain why she was looking at an old file of an unfinished mission, but at the moment she paid more attention to the growing ache in her stomach. Bile rose in her throat and she could already taste the sting of vomit on her tongue.

"I didn't know you were on the team."

She had to get out of here. Fast.

"Madeline just told me."

Now.

"Excuse me."

Not caring about Michael's questions that would certainly come later, nor about his eyes that scanned her face with hidden concern, Nikita breezed past him and ran for the next toilet.

~~~

Her stomach didn't have much to give, yet Nikita continued to throw up until her body shook with dry coughs, until her belly clenched and her throat was raw. She leaned against the sterile white walls of the toilet, sinking to the floor and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She tasted bittersweet vomit between her lips and her teeth hurt.

It was too much.

The ongoing flow of emotions, the stress of the last weeks and Madeline's subtle threats... Nikita understood the warning perfectly: perform as expected or else. She was hovering on a fine line between life and abeyance and if she screwed up again, not even Michael or Walter would be able to help her.

~~~

The briefing had already begun and Operations glared at her as Nikita quietly took her place between Michael and Birkoff.

"Glad you decided to join us."

"I'm sorry."

He ignored her excuse and continued his speech.

"He's being held in a factory in Sydney, Australia. Mr Birkoff."

The screen showed the blueprint of a large building and Birkoff began to explain. "We lost his trace in Spain until I located him in Australia. This building was also used as a chemistry lab. He's probably being held in the basement. Your com units won't work down there, so if you go down you'll be cut off from communication."

"Any questions?"

What the hell is going on here?, Nikita wanted to shout. After the meeting with Madeline her "sixth sense" hadn't occured, and although she was glad not to hear the voices again, they would have helped her now. She shot Walter a pleading look and he nodded.

"Further information is on your PDAs. You'll leave in one hour."

***