*eye twitches* WEEEEEEELL, isn't this just a LOVELY day. One o' my muses is
depressed as hell (which I... Could possibly normally consider good, but he
keeps hanging around me with that pitiful, yet psychotic look in his
eyes... Scary...), I've like, got insomnia or something, I have 3... No,
now it' s an entire months work of homework due at any time (My teacher WAS
supposed to be here 2 weeks ago, haven't heard anything since... Skipped
town? Maybe... Anyways, unknown due date on tha homework x.x), aaaaaaaand,
worst of a- *is whacked by Judecca* OW! Fine, SECOND worst thing is...
*cries* I have no ideas for a fic! Thus, I'm going to feel old (I'm only
14!) whilst babbling about the days of old, writing new chapters for old
fics. Something that was recommended to me by everyone who spoke on the
subject . Right then... Here it is... OOH! *grabs the steering wheel and
yanks it sharply to the right* PLOT CHANGE! I must take into account my
reviewers thoughts, right? (Okay, so the real reason is I want to kill
Relena... Big deal...) So, since I was asked to kill Relena, I will. I
reeeeally hate the idea of doing so (COUGH COOOOOUGH... Now that is one
helluva tough lie to choke out... Nearly did choke...), but... *goes all
patriotic-ish* It's for the reviewers! So, on with the fic....
Heero blinked as he watched Relena run back to her limousine, and then turned back around just in time to see Duo finish off the wedding cake. "One minute, thirty-two seconds!" Duo said after he swallowed the last bit. Heero racked his brain for an excuse not to pay the money. "Uhhh... But we're going to be married... So... It wont matter who has the money, it'll be both of ours!" Heero finally said. "Nice try, Heero. Cough up the money." Duo grinned as Heero handed over the 50 dollars. After Trowa managed to finally get his pants back on, and keep Quatre somewhat under control, the wedding began.
***
"Heero Yuy, do you take this man to be your... Ugh... I refuse to do this, this is-" Heero pulled a gun from his pocket. "Uh, Heero Yuy, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded, eh, husband?" Heero replied with "I do." "And do you, the guy WITHOUT the gun... ALRIGHT! Get the gun away from me! I'll say it! Do you, Duo Maxwell, take the guy with th- Ah, this man to be your lawfully wedded... Husband..." Heero glared at the quite obviously homophobic priest. "I do." Duo said with a grin. "Well then, if nobody has a reason for you two not to be wed...Which anybody at all could... If ANYBODY has a reason, this wedding CAN be stopped... Anyone?" Heero growled and shoved the gun in the priests face. "AH! Alright, I now pronounce you-" "WAAAAAAAIT!"
The ear-shattering shriek pierced the air, causing all those present to clutch at their ears and roll on the ground in agony. "I HAVE A REASON!" Relena's shrill voice rang out once again. "Those two can't get married, because... Heero doesn't really love Duo! Duo somehow brainwashed him! Heero loves ME!" The priest, however, didn't hear Relena's incredibly pathetic attempt at stopping the wedding. He was too busy rolling around on the ground in extreme pain like everyone else. "Heero! Snap out of it! Don't let him do this to you!" Relena screeched.
Somehow, probably as a result of his super-human abilities, Heero was actually able to keep from grabbing at his head and dropping to the ground. "What are you talking about? I don't even LIKE you, I don't have any idea where you got the idea that I actually *gag* LOVED you. The one I love is Duo." Relena glared at Heero, stomping closer to him. "HEERO! LISTEN TO YOURSELF! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING??" Heero, however, finally gave in to his urge, and fell victim to a fate like so many others before him had suffered as a result of Relena's voice. Heero, the perfect soldier, fell to the ground like a stone, ears bleeding from the super-sonic noises emitted from Relena's mouth.
"N-No! Stop it! Please, no more talking!" Heero begged. "HEERO! STAND UP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Relena continued shrieking, only becoming louder as Heero began to sob. "HEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOO!" Relena yelled once more, and then Heero had had enough. He reached for his gun, and fired not once, not twice, not three, four, or four and a half... But five bullets. Relena suddenly fell to the ground in silence. Heero removed his free hand from his ear, and watched Relena. "What have you done, Heero?" Relena whispered, picking up the remains of the beetle one of the bullets had hit. "You've disrupted peace! That was completely unpeaceful! You must stop all this killing, so that peace may be restored to the world once again! PEACE! PEACE! PE-" And then, Relena was silenced forever, as the priest grabbed Heero's gun and fired the remaining bullet at her. "Oh, shut UP!" The priest moaned as he squeezed the trigger.
"God, that bitch was annoying... By the way, I now pronounce you two... Husband and... Eh... Husband." The priest finished. (Alright, I guess I'll stop making fun of Relena's voice and her annoying habit of droning on and on and on (and on and on and...) about peace now.) Then a truck passing by (Duo had asked that the wedding take place at the same place he had told Heero of his feelings for him, which happened to be in a park if ya remember... And the park is next to a street. So nyah.) suddenly swerved to miss a large undefinable object in the road, sending the half of a mobile home it had been carrying flying out into the park, where it then landed on Relena, leaving only her shoes sticking out from beneath it.
"Hey, the doorknob on the front door's pretty low!" Was the first comment anyone made. Not long after that had been said, a family of midgets stepped out through the front door, walking past Relena's shoes. "Hey! Is that Relena Peacecraft?" One of them asked in a high-pitched voice. "Yup." An ex Oz soldier replied. "Well, I'll be a representative of The Lollipop Guild!" The midget gasped in astonishment. "you know what this means, don't you?" He asked the other members of his family. "Ding dong, the witch is dead!" The midgets began singing in unison, and soon everyone else, including the truck driver and several people who happened to be passing by, joined in.
Once all of the merriment, laughter, and celebration (Not of Relena's death, of Heero and Duo's wedding! How sick do you think I am???) had stopped, then the merriment, laughter and celebration of Relena's death resumed. And once that was over, just when everyone was about to leave and go home, one of the guests recognised another guest and yelled for everyones attention. "Hey! Shania!" The man yelled at one of the female guests. "I need to ask you something!" Everyone quickly ran back to their seats, expecting another proposal. Then the man began to sing...
"My truck wont crank,
I owe the bank.
I'm gonna pay 'em back
but right now I cain't.
My record went gold,
half a million sold.
My wallet was fat,
but I spent all that.
Just when I bought
things I couldn't afford,
now Uncle Sam's knockin' on my door.
All this stress,
I'm so depressed,
Do not mess with the IRS.
Loan shark says it's time to pay,
says I've got 'til the end of the day.
Nothin' left to do but pray
pray give me one more day.
Shania I'm broke,
I need help right away.
I blew what little bit
of money I made.
You and me,
we're on CMT,
so why can't I seem to make ends meet?
Radio Shack keeps a billin' me,
they say their gonna repo my color tv.
Pick up the phone,
float a man a loan.
Say you'll pay,
Shania I'm broke.
I'm poor as hell,
cain't ya tell?
That's why I've got
my house for sale.
Have you got a place that I can stay?
Maybe just for a couple of days?
Check with Mud
see if it's okay.
Say the word I'm
on my way.
Shania I'm broke
and I need a pay day.
If you've got an extra million,
send a little my way.
If Shania Was Mine
didn't make me a dime,
so I had to steal your song
just one more time.
Looky who's back!
It's Cledus T.
I know you thought you'd heard
the last of me.
This aint no joke,
you're my only hope.
Pay to-day,
Shania I'm broke.
Aw, write a check, will ya?
Shania I'm broke,
I'm ashamed to say.
That Super Bowl bet
didn't go my way.
Won't you please
buy my new CD,
or I'll be filin' bankruptcy.
All my creditors
are suin' me.
I owe back taxes
from ninety-three.
I know you're home
so pick up the phone.
Pay today,
Shania I'm broke!"
Most of the wedding guests just stared at Cledus as he finished his song. Shania, however, was halfway to her car by then. "Shania! Wait! Please give me just a few thousand? Shaniiiiaaaaa!" Cledus shouted as he ran to stop her. "Well... Let's go home now, I guess." Heero said, leading his new husband to their car. Soon afterwards, there was only one wedding guest left at the park... "I've always admired those shoes..." Dorothy muttered as she walked over the where Relena's feet were sticking out from under the house. "She's dead now, I'm sure nobody would mind if I just..." Dorothy let her sentence hang as she exchanged shoes with Relena.
*Back at Duo's... Well, now Heero and Duo's apartment. (If you remember, Heero had been living with Relena, thus no place of his own... So they're stuck with that little bitty apartment... Note to self; get them a house in the next chapter.)*
Heero grinned as Duo unlocked the door. Once Duo had done so and put the keys away, Heero suddenly picked him up, and then proceeded to carry him over the threshhold. Once inside, rather than stopping, Heero kicked the door closed and carried Duo back to the bedroom. "Now... Seeing as how it's our wedding night and all..." Heero began with a wide grin on his face, which was quickly matched by Duo's.
*yawns* If it wasn't any good, get over it. I had fun writing it, so NYAH to all o' you who don't like it. If you did like it, thanks, maybe I'll write another chapter now... *grins* Anyways... Uh... Review! Review! Review!
Heero blinked as he watched Relena run back to her limousine, and then turned back around just in time to see Duo finish off the wedding cake. "One minute, thirty-two seconds!" Duo said after he swallowed the last bit. Heero racked his brain for an excuse not to pay the money. "Uhhh... But we're going to be married... So... It wont matter who has the money, it'll be both of ours!" Heero finally said. "Nice try, Heero. Cough up the money." Duo grinned as Heero handed over the 50 dollars. After Trowa managed to finally get his pants back on, and keep Quatre somewhat under control, the wedding began.
***
"Heero Yuy, do you take this man to be your... Ugh... I refuse to do this, this is-" Heero pulled a gun from his pocket. "Uh, Heero Yuy, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded, eh, husband?" Heero replied with "I do." "And do you, the guy WITHOUT the gun... ALRIGHT! Get the gun away from me! I'll say it! Do you, Duo Maxwell, take the guy with th- Ah, this man to be your lawfully wedded... Husband..." Heero glared at the quite obviously homophobic priest. "I do." Duo said with a grin. "Well then, if nobody has a reason for you two not to be wed...Which anybody at all could... If ANYBODY has a reason, this wedding CAN be stopped... Anyone?" Heero growled and shoved the gun in the priests face. "AH! Alright, I now pronounce you-" "WAAAAAAAIT!"
The ear-shattering shriek pierced the air, causing all those present to clutch at their ears and roll on the ground in agony. "I HAVE A REASON!" Relena's shrill voice rang out once again. "Those two can't get married, because... Heero doesn't really love Duo! Duo somehow brainwashed him! Heero loves ME!" The priest, however, didn't hear Relena's incredibly pathetic attempt at stopping the wedding. He was too busy rolling around on the ground in extreme pain like everyone else. "Heero! Snap out of it! Don't let him do this to you!" Relena screeched.
Somehow, probably as a result of his super-human abilities, Heero was actually able to keep from grabbing at his head and dropping to the ground. "What are you talking about? I don't even LIKE you, I don't have any idea where you got the idea that I actually *gag* LOVED you. The one I love is Duo." Relena glared at Heero, stomping closer to him. "HEERO! LISTEN TO YOURSELF! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING??" Heero, however, finally gave in to his urge, and fell victim to a fate like so many others before him had suffered as a result of Relena's voice. Heero, the perfect soldier, fell to the ground like a stone, ears bleeding from the super-sonic noises emitted from Relena's mouth.
"N-No! Stop it! Please, no more talking!" Heero begged. "HEERO! STAND UP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Relena continued shrieking, only becoming louder as Heero began to sob. "HEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOO!" Relena yelled once more, and then Heero had had enough. He reached for his gun, and fired not once, not twice, not three, four, or four and a half... But five bullets. Relena suddenly fell to the ground in silence. Heero removed his free hand from his ear, and watched Relena. "What have you done, Heero?" Relena whispered, picking up the remains of the beetle one of the bullets had hit. "You've disrupted peace! That was completely unpeaceful! You must stop all this killing, so that peace may be restored to the world once again! PEACE! PEACE! PE-" And then, Relena was silenced forever, as the priest grabbed Heero's gun and fired the remaining bullet at her. "Oh, shut UP!" The priest moaned as he squeezed the trigger.
"God, that bitch was annoying... By the way, I now pronounce you two... Husband and... Eh... Husband." The priest finished. (Alright, I guess I'll stop making fun of Relena's voice and her annoying habit of droning on and on and on (and on and on and...) about peace now.) Then a truck passing by (Duo had asked that the wedding take place at the same place he had told Heero of his feelings for him, which happened to be in a park if ya remember... And the park is next to a street. So nyah.) suddenly swerved to miss a large undefinable object in the road, sending the half of a mobile home it had been carrying flying out into the park, where it then landed on Relena, leaving only her shoes sticking out from beneath it.
"Hey, the doorknob on the front door's pretty low!" Was the first comment anyone made. Not long after that had been said, a family of midgets stepped out through the front door, walking past Relena's shoes. "Hey! Is that Relena Peacecraft?" One of them asked in a high-pitched voice. "Yup." An ex Oz soldier replied. "Well, I'll be a representative of The Lollipop Guild!" The midget gasped in astonishment. "you know what this means, don't you?" He asked the other members of his family. "Ding dong, the witch is dead!" The midgets began singing in unison, and soon everyone else, including the truck driver and several people who happened to be passing by, joined in.
Once all of the merriment, laughter, and celebration (Not of Relena's death, of Heero and Duo's wedding! How sick do you think I am???) had stopped, then the merriment, laughter and celebration of Relena's death resumed. And once that was over, just when everyone was about to leave and go home, one of the guests recognised another guest and yelled for everyones attention. "Hey! Shania!" The man yelled at one of the female guests. "I need to ask you something!" Everyone quickly ran back to their seats, expecting another proposal. Then the man began to sing...
"My truck wont crank,
I owe the bank.
I'm gonna pay 'em back
but right now I cain't.
My record went gold,
half a million sold.
My wallet was fat,
but I spent all that.
Just when I bought
things I couldn't afford,
now Uncle Sam's knockin' on my door.
All this stress,
I'm so depressed,
Do not mess with the IRS.
Loan shark says it's time to pay,
says I've got 'til the end of the day.
Nothin' left to do but pray
pray give me one more day.
Shania I'm broke,
I need help right away.
I blew what little bit
of money I made.
You and me,
we're on CMT,
so why can't I seem to make ends meet?
Radio Shack keeps a billin' me,
they say their gonna repo my color tv.
Pick up the phone,
float a man a loan.
Say you'll pay,
Shania I'm broke.
I'm poor as hell,
cain't ya tell?
That's why I've got
my house for sale.
Have you got a place that I can stay?
Maybe just for a couple of days?
Check with Mud
see if it's okay.
Say the word I'm
on my way.
Shania I'm broke
and I need a pay day.
If you've got an extra million,
send a little my way.
If Shania Was Mine
didn't make me a dime,
so I had to steal your song
just one more time.
Looky who's back!
It's Cledus T.
I know you thought you'd heard
the last of me.
This aint no joke,
you're my only hope.
Pay to-day,
Shania I'm broke.
Aw, write a check, will ya?
Shania I'm broke,
I'm ashamed to say.
That Super Bowl bet
didn't go my way.
Won't you please
buy my new CD,
or I'll be filin' bankruptcy.
All my creditors
are suin' me.
I owe back taxes
from ninety-three.
I know you're home
so pick up the phone.
Pay today,
Shania I'm broke!"
Most of the wedding guests just stared at Cledus as he finished his song. Shania, however, was halfway to her car by then. "Shania! Wait! Please give me just a few thousand? Shaniiiiaaaaa!" Cledus shouted as he ran to stop her. "Well... Let's go home now, I guess." Heero said, leading his new husband to their car. Soon afterwards, there was only one wedding guest left at the park... "I've always admired those shoes..." Dorothy muttered as she walked over the where Relena's feet were sticking out from under the house. "She's dead now, I'm sure nobody would mind if I just..." Dorothy let her sentence hang as she exchanged shoes with Relena.
*Back at Duo's... Well, now Heero and Duo's apartment. (If you remember, Heero had been living with Relena, thus no place of his own... So they're stuck with that little bitty apartment... Note to self; get them a house in the next chapter.)*
Heero grinned as Duo unlocked the door. Once Duo had done so and put the keys away, Heero suddenly picked him up, and then proceeded to carry him over the threshhold. Once inside, rather than stopping, Heero kicked the door closed and carried Duo back to the bedroom. "Now... Seeing as how it's our wedding night and all..." Heero began with a wide grin on his face, which was quickly matched by Duo's.
*yawns* If it wasn't any good, get over it. I had fun writing it, so NYAH to all o' you who don't like it. If you did like it, thanks, maybe I'll write another chapter now... *grins* Anyways... Uh... Review! Review! Review!