Remus was extremely on edge. James, Sirius, and Peter couldn't address him without his jumping slightly and panicking. He spent more hours racking his brains for some believable story to explain his monthly absences than he had been spending on homework. When they reviewed a chapter on werewolves with Professor Zambia in Defence Against the Dark Arts he nearly shook the entire time.
It had been this chapter that had caused a lot of the panic. He had always been concerned about not revealing his secret beforehand, but that chapter was simply painful. His awareness of what others believed of him had not been concrete before; the Bells, certainly, had abandoned and tormented him after they had found out, but Remus assumed it was a mere matter of principle. Not that he liked it, but any means, but there was nothing to be done.
This lesson was a revelation to him, and pure torture. First off, he was nervous to begin with. They had Defence with the Ravenclaws, for heavens' sakes, the House of the Intelligent, and not to mention James, Sirius, Lily Evans, and Morwin Hagley, only the cleverest students in the year. Would one of them put two and two together?
Zambia began with a routine lecture. She was like a starved vulture, Remus had always privately thought. Sirius called her a "she-vampire", and had a lot of supporters on that score. But this one… Remus listened in a sort of horrified trance.
"… werewolves are among the most dangerous and deadly of all monsters… their untamed animal-like savageness makes them a threat at any time of the month… werewolves are among the most prized of tools for destruction among Dark wizards and witches… unfit for polite society, many live in 'packs' in the wilderness… the curse begins when a person is bitten by another werewolf in wolf form; the 'victim' is generally believed to have a certain amount of inhumanness in their souls from birth…"
Sirius nudged those closest to him and motioned to his careful notes. He had copied what Zambia had said word for word, but had written "Zambia" in place of "werewolves". James, usually above insulting others himself, had to bury his face a moment to smother laughter. Lily had to bury her face in Peter's shoulder, and Peter himself was red-faced from pent-in amusement. Bella rolled her eyes, but Sammy and Linda were grinned so hard their faces were liable to split.
"My devoted notes," Sirius hissed to Remus. Remus glanced down and read them, swallowing. He then looked up into Sirius's self-satisfied face and forced a laugh.
Zambia heard. Narrowing her eyes, she snapped: "Lupin? What exactly are you finding so amusing?"
Remus was secretly quite pleased to have an excuse for stemming his appreciation of Sirius's joke. "Nothing, ma'am. I'm sorry."
She glared at him. She had shot many glances at him throughout this speech, making him feel even more uncomfortable. Each of her words was like a bullet.
"I'm not!" Sirius whispered.
"Don't be," Linda assured him.
"Keep it up," urged Sammy.
It was later that evening, while writing an essay for Zambia, that Remus read the chapter thoroughly. While James and Peter laughed and argued over an intense game of Exploding Snap, (nicknamed Exploding Snape, of course) a horrible realisation came over him as he read.
He was a monster.
It hit him with the force of the Hogwarts Express. He was a dangerous and deadly monster unfit for polite society, precisely as Zambia had said.
It wasn't just a matter of what-if-they-all-found-out anymore. It was a matter of how James and Sirius and Peter had a perfect right to be revolted and disgusted.
Remus finished his essay mechanically.
"Rem? Are you done? Already?" James asked, wide-eyed. James was actually the best of all of them in Defence Against the Dark Arts.
"Yes," Remus somehow managed to reply, having little clue how he was able to articulate even that simple word. He felt himself shaking as he stood.
Lily glanced at him. "Are you all right, Rem?"
"Yes." He felt a sudden need to detach himself. He didn't feel half so frightened. He felt diseased, and shamed.
Thus began several long weeks of slow agony. Remus preferred not to write home about any of his anxiety; Mum had enough on her mind to begin with. He couldn't confide in any of his friends… friends he did not deserve. He considered talking to Professor Dumbledore, but surely he had enough on his mind already, with the Knight of Knives and such forth. And why had he admitted him, anyway? Had Remus give this more thought, he might have reached the conclusion that Dumbledore had the right of this after all, but never considered that.
It started showing in schoolwork; his marks began a slow but steady decline. It showed in his activities; he felt chronically tired and the passion for Quidditch and pranks slowly faded. It showed it his sleeping habits; he found it difficult to fall asleep and even more difficult to stay that way unless it was from the exhaustion of a full moon. Once he awoke everyone in his dormitory with a screaming nightmare.
James slapped him across the face just hard enough to awake him. "Rem? Rem, calm down! It's okay!"
Remus was still halfway in his dream. "James," he gasped desperately. "James, I'm -"
"Bloody hell, someone cut it!" It wasAdurin Fletcher, their fifth roommate. He had never quite bonded with the rest, preferring the company of the Gryffindors a year above him.
Remus, teeth chattering, slowly came to his senses and began to calm down.
"Yeah?" James asked, almost keenly.
"W-What?"
"You were saying - or was that your dream?"
"More of a nightmare."
"Oh."
"Sorry I woke you."
"Will you be all right?"
Remus smiled ruefully. He was covered in a cold sweat and had a feeling he would be getting no sleep that night. "I'm fine."
*
James, Peter, and Sirius hadn't cared the least bit. Afterwards, Remus felt as if he had wings.
They hadn't cared.
In fact, Sirius voiced the opinion that: "It's actually pretty cool, knowing that the oh mighty Arisuis Black has a son who's friends with a werewolf."
Sirius would, wouldn't he?
Why didn't I see it even then? Sirius would do anything, anything to rebel against his father. From what I know of Arisuis Black, you really can't blame him for that. But I suppose that was what drove him over to Voldemort in the first place. And me... that was one of so many times when he saw me as a thing or a tool, and not a person.
If we had only seen that sooner, Lily and James might be alive.
Serendipity didn't suggest the sort of place someone might be resisting entering for twelve years. In fact, it was a very pleasant house, and still in fairly good upkeep even if in need of a cleaning and somewhat out of fashion, and in far better condition than some of the places Remus had lived over the years. Everything Remus could see at the moment was exactly as it had been over a decade ago, untouched. It was like a time warp. He could almost see Lily and Linda in the corner, chatting, and Peter, who had been such a workaholic during the last year of his life, busy with papers while James joked with everyone in turn and tried to knock Peter's quill of his hand. Morwin, if her headache weren't too heavy, would be lightly scolding James - "Honestly, Jay, if he's actually doing something constructive, if he wants to grow up a little, let him!"
Remus's eyes began to water. "It's so dusty in here," he murmured aloud, and this excuse for a small show of emotion wasn't entirely untrue. It was dusty, very much so. Remus had developed mild allergies to dust recently due to his work fixing Muggle vacuum cleaners. It was dirty, degrading work, but it brought in some money. He preferred not to think of it now, not being a man prone to self-pity, and had Donny Goschles ever asked about it, he would have cracked a joke to the effect of it was a broadening experience and a very useful piece of knowledge. "It could use a good cleaning." Especially if Harry ever came here.
Remus couldn't completely forgive Dumbledore the fact that Harry had never been here. He didn't expect Dumbledore to give him or Bella custody of him, but the Dursleys? And even if he could understand the protections the Dursleys would give him, he didn't understand why Harry was allowed to be devoid of all knowledge he desperately needed most - his background. Bur Remus knew better know than to try anything, as he had when Harry was five or six. That had taken several memory charms and Remus got a thorough lecture from Minerva McGonagall on that score. He never tried to contact Harry again, and even now he had to try and keep his relationship with him purely teacher/student. He would admit to stretching that restriction, but deny breaking it.
In any case, however, there was always the chance that Harry might be able to visit what his own parents viewed as a second home, and Remus felt as if he would have let Lil and Prongs down horribly, now, if it wasn't exactly as it had always been.
Ah-choo!
Magic, however, was not an option. Godric's Hollow wasn't purely magical - no village in the part of the world was, besides Hogsmeade. He'd have to do it the Muggle way, since many of the neighbours were such neb-noses, but it wasn't much of a problem. Not only did he have experience with it, but he had a week to kill, after all.
No, that was not the problem. The problem was that some of the coat of dust was not as thick as the rest, and Remus had picked up a familiar scent with his wolf-like senses.
Sirius Black.
Remus clenched his fists a moment. By nature he was a calm, controlled person, and twelve years had been time to come face to face with the facts and learn to deal with it. But there were still times, when you remembered your best friends, and their son, and the daughter that never lived, and the lives three people were never able to finish leading, when you were about ready to throw something.
I've got an idea! Eddie Sheridan's even, almost surly, sarcastically bright voice said in Remus's head. Let's throw Donny about a bit. We'll all get the rage out, even Donny. But make sure one of us can drive to the hospital - like a designated driver, y'know?
"Eddie, I think that's a fine idea. Only may I throw Black into a river, instead? Donny's pretty innocent of this offense."
He had to smile. There were few times when Donny was "innocent". In 1985 and '85, when they had been co-workers, Donny had a wonderful effect on Remus's prankster reflexes that had refused to die. It was a wonder they hadn't spent several nights in jail.
*
It was a dark, pitch-black evening, the moon a crescent like the smile of a Cheshire Cat, and no doubt the elusive figure was grinning at the escapades of Team 69. Two large lorries were speeding along an side road of Devon, Kent. The owner of team 69, Donny Goschles, drove one. With him was Mark Young. The other was driven by Remus Lupin, known to his mates as Jack Donohue, with good friend Eddie Sheridan in the passenger seat. It was an innocent enough scene, despite the fact that Donny and Remus kept trying to outrun each other. It resulted in considerable beating and banging, but there was no speed limit on this road. Of course, if you didn't want to break your neck you went slower than those two lorries, but none of the four seemed to care.
Overhead, low trees brushed their roots and tires squealed in protest as the drivers rounded sharp turns with little caution. Donny and Mark, naturally, threw a few challenges and insults to Eddie and Remus at times via the radio, and vice versa. They were heading over to the shop of Pittan Grandview, who owned that charmed 23 car, driven by the great Mooney Chamberlain and was under the care of crew chief genius Jay Wade. Donny needed money and needed it bad; Grandview had plenty.
"Sure thing, Donny," Jay, a god friend of Donny's, had told him. "You bring you and some crew over and help us fix the car we wrecked last week, and I'll pay you fair."
As Eddie pointed out wryly, they had gotten roped into being Donny's "crew". They didn't seem to mind. Even Melaine, Mark's wife, had pretended to scold Donny, but couldn't really.
Donald Goschles could charm his way out of any noose on earth.
Jay Wade and Mooney Chamberlain themselves were there, although next to the speeding lorries they were inaudible and unnoticeable. Jay was driving, and ahead of Remus and Donny. Suddenly they were horrified at what they saw -
A white car came speeding out of the bushes, tearing down the hill, and rammed so near Jay and Mooney that the Team 69 was firmly convinced she hit them. The lady was turning the wheel crazily, with an insane grin on her face. She tapped Jay around for a while before Jay veered off to a different road.
Donny's temper had been aroused. He keyed up Remus and Eddie.
"Bloody hell! Did you see that? Did you see that? That woman ran Jay and Mooney off the road! Ed, Jack, did you see that?"
"Yes, Don, I believe we did," Eddie replied dryly.
"Man, I won't stand for that, no sire! No one messes with Jay!"
"So, Mark, having problems?" Remus asked.
A muffled sigh was the reply. "Yeah. The usual. Eddie, do something to calm him down."
"Donny, don't just do something, stand there," Remus ordered Donny. "Let's get her." At the same moment, Donny shouted over the radio: "Donohue, do you read me? We're going after that woman!"
Eddie rolled his eyes. "Ten-four," Remus told Donny, having picked up on racing jargon.
Even the levelheaded Eddie didn't stop the two drivers from giving that lady due payback. Their headlights were like huge cat eyes in the black night as they crept up on the white car, and soon they had her covered. Growing vindictive, Donny and Remus showed little mercy. They hung her out to dry. They edged her off the road, they forced her to fall between and narrowed in on her as if to crunch the car, they nudged the car - and a large lorry "nudging" a car can leave the car's driver with a headache. They "played payback" with her for a solid ten minutes before zooming off.
Donny had calmed down and was laughing. "All right! We showed her."
Jay and Mooney, having taken the long way, weren't at Grandview's garage when the four arrived. They knew what to do, however, and set to work. Remus and Donny were underneath a car when Jay, laughing, came in.
"Hey, were are you all?" he asked, still laughing. "Eddie, Mark?"
Mark glanced up. "Hi, Jay."
"Same to you, Mark. Hey, did you see my wife back there?"
There was a short silence.
"Wait a second," Eddie said at last. "That woman you drove you off the road? That was your wife?"
Jay nodded, grinning. "Can you believe her? Say, Mooney, watch out. She might have your job soon."
Mooney chuckled. "She'll have to arm wrestle it off me." Mooney was huge and muscular. Mrs. Wade wouldn't stand much of the chance, but Eddie and Mark could only laugh weakly at the joke.
"Wonder where she is, though," Jay continued. "Thought she'd follow me. So where are Goschles and Donohue?"
Goschles and Donohue remained hidden under the car, nearly dying of choked in laughter and unwilling to show their sorry faces in public until they recovered.
"Jack, I think we done messed up."
*
"Hey, did you see my wife?" became a standing catch-joke with the four and Melaine. Those words were all that was needed to set everyone off, and Donny and Remus, as the masterminds of the plan, took a lot of ribbing for that.
But it was all in good fun. Remus, with his sharp wit and knack for misadventure, had fit in seamlessly with that society. Except for a lot of sudden illnesses and the fact that he was still recovering from Halloween, 1981. But the Products HQ crew and Diana Pitchard were Muggles. It was a refreshing relief. And not only did he "fit in", they were friends. He had attended Mark and Melaine's wedding; he had come very close to outright dating Diane; Eddie had a past similar to his own, and they had recovered and come to terms together.
He missed them. They hadn't even died; there was simply a witch in Devon. While Remus was enjoying himself, he neglected his yearly check-in with the Werewolf Registry - he downright ignored the notices, and paid a dear price when Madam Wenth confronted him, and ordered him out. He supposed he could have gone back; he hadn't wanted to explain.
Right now, however, he concentrated on the present. He focused on the first floor, since his allergies had acted up so heavily here, he wasn't sure he could face the upstairs rooms. He worked methodically, room by room. Mostly, everything just needed a good dusting, although he considered just throwing away a pile of Daily Prophets in the kitchen area that were still there. He figured, though, that there was no point in simply abandoning them, and stored them safely away. He found to his delight that the wireless still worked.
He loved radios. No matter how much either he or others isolated him, a radio was a good companion. Music really was wonderful. He wished he hadn't sold his own - but the Serendipity wireless would remain there, and that was that. It was tradition, and goodness knew that Remus wasn't the first to break tradition. Not with considerable encouragement, anyway.
The first thing that qualified as a "task" was the cleaning of several huge throw rugs in the living room. He took those outside and had the fun of beating them the Muggle way. It released pent-up emotion, and this was a pretty emotional experience. At first the whacks kept in beat with the wireless.
"No official word on the whereabouts of Sirius Black…"
Remus scowled at Norrin Quinton and changed it to a Muggle station.
"As a further update, escaped convict Sirius Black was spotted in far north from our location today. While he does not appear to be an immediate threat…"
You couldn't escape it. Sirius, not Remus's friend, but a cold-hearted murderer, had escaped from the one place where he couldn't hurt innocent people. Not in the magical world, not in the Muggle, not even when you were trying to enjoy a nice dose of Lennon and McCartney.
No luck on the apprehension of Sirius Black…
Whack.
I hate you, Sirius. I don't understand why you did it, and there's no excuse.
Whack.
You killed James. James, Sirius. Prongs - your best friend in the world. You two were closer than anyone else that ever lived, it seemed. Everyone thought you were brothers. Everyone at Hogwarts would call both of you "Blotter". Remember? Remember that, Sirius?
Whack.
"Moony, come on. You can tell me, whatever it is. I'll always be there for you."
Whack.
And Lily. Lily. James's wife. The person in the world James loved the most. You had classes with her and you played Exploding Snap with her and you fought with her and laughed with her. You always said in our first year how you'd kill that little redhead who ought to have been in Slytherin. After you two became friends, we never thought you'd make good on your threat. Circe, we never thought you'd really kill her even when you didn't like her. You needed a rival. Lily, Sirius - Lily.
Whack!
And Rose. Rose never got a chance to live, Sirius. Never. She never saw the sun, or grinned a near-toothless grin and forced her first words, she never got a chance to annoy her older brother, she never made a best friend, or begged for a pet, or slyly lied to James about where she was the night before, or argued with Lily over clothing, or told her parents she loved them. She never played on a swing, she never rode a broomstick, she never learned to read, she never got the thrill of her Hogwarts letter. Stupid, trivial stuff? Perhaps some of it sounds it. But the fact is that she never got to do it.
Whack!
"If you want to kill James, you'll have to kill all of us, too!"
Whack!
And Harry - your godson, the pride of James's life. You destroyed his parents and family and godmother and anyone who would have cared for him. You sent him off to hell, in a household that never loved him. With Petunia Evans! He never knew what it was like, either - to remember a mother kissing him, or to have a father helping him onto his first broomstick ride, or pulling a younger sister's braids. I barely know him, at least compared to what I ought to, for James and Lily's sakes, but it doesn't take much to see that his home life is miserable. The only remembrance he has of his parents is their screams of the night they died. And you caused that, too.
Whack!
"I solemnly swear to love and protect his child…"
Whack!
And Peter. How could you destroy him like that? Peter was your friend, Sirius. How many times did he save you in class by whispering an answer when you hadn't read any of the chapter? How many times did he take the blame for one of your jokes? How many times did he glance at you in concern and ask if you were all right or needed anything? You didn't need to kill him; you could have gotten away from him easily. But you did. It was your downfall, wasn't it? Too full of yourself; it got you in Azkaban. Which you really just about deserve. Almost. More than almost anyone else in the world. Just enjoyed killing off friends, didn't you?
Whack!
"Morwin, don't pay those gits any mind. We're your friends, and if they give you any more trouble, tell 'em to bring it up with Sirius Black, okay?"
Whack!
Linda. Oh, what a laugh. All your proclamations of love and adoration for her - in speech and manner - and you destroyed her as well. I wish so badly that you could have seen what you caused in her, because that if anything could make you sorry for what you did. Her feelings were delicate, Sirius, you should have known that. She was miserable. Miserable. So miserable that she started acting with no regard for her own life - and she died. Because of you, Black!
Whack!
I won't. I refuse. I will not let you destroy one more life. No, no, and no. I will not let you kill Harry.
Whack!
But, taunted an annoying voice in his head, those wonderful sounding vows don't do much when you can't even confess one little rather important fact to Dumbledore, right?
WHACK!
Remus decided he had beat the poor rug up enough. Teeth gritted with self-anger, he moved one to the next task. He forced his mind onto something else.
Remus soon was back inside, and the living room was looking, well, like a living room again. Unfortunately, the WNN's "Ten After Laughter" was now on, with a short live clip from Griff Rethfy. The so-called comedian.
"Yeah, yeah, they're all worried about Sirius Black, aren't they?" Rethfy too-bright voice drawled. "Seriously."
Remus sighed. You couldn't get away from it, could you? And considering how long Remus himself had known Sirius, that pun was old, old, old.
"That's not even a name, y'know? That's just a failed colour," Rethfy continued, unaware that he was echoing something Remus himself had once said. "You can almost see how the poor kid grew up the way he did. Can you imagine yourself introducing yourself, say, on the first day on the Hogwarts Express? 'Hey, can I sit here?' 'Sure.' 'So, what's your name?' 'Augustus Edwards.' 'I'm Donald Eager. Who're you?' 'Er, well, they, er, call me Sirius Black…' 'So what's your real name?' 'Sirius Black.' 'Seriously?'"
Remus had a personal opinion that when a comedian had to laugh to show the audience just how funny they were, it was a flop. Just his own personal, humble opinion, of course.
"And then Black's father. Any of you know Arisuis Black? Thank you, thank you very much. Arisuis Black, remember him? About six feet tall, and the only thing supporting that were intimidation and no backbone? That's right. I always felt sorry for his kids, personally. Now, remember when Black tried to pick on Moody, Millry, and Mead?"
The audience laughed.
"Yeah, yeah, that was real sweet. Got to remember that Moody was just a slip of a rookie then, too. He was a paranoid youngster, as I recall. Anyway. So. There was Black, and at every turn he'd have a paranoia, a Refrudian woman who wrote for a living, and a Refrudian werewolf showing him up? Remember that? Oh, oh, was sweet. Remember when Black discharged Mead? First thing she said was: 'YES!! I don't have to take orders from you anymore!' Remember when Millry left, first thing she said? Sweet ol' Patty? 'YES!! I don't have to put up with you anymore!' Hey, anyone want to guess what Moody said when he went on holiday? Anyone? Oh, come on. You, young man?"
And uncertain voice answered: "Er, 'yes'?"
"Aw, close. No, Moody did it best of all. He gazed at Black, kind of like this, you know, and, of course, he had to wince as he saw Black's face. So he just sort of looked at him, and said: 'But I haven't put you in Azkaban yet, Black."
There was thunderous applause.
Remus switched off the radio.
Didn't the media have anything better to talk about than to inflate the ego and glory of a murderer? Remus worked upstairs in silence, without the companionship of the radio, and/or Griff Rethfy.
*
Remus slept badly that night.
Logically, he should have been just fine. He was still achy from his last transformation, he had just spent a full day cleaning, and it wasn't as if he wasn't used to sleeping at Serendipity. He had a hard time being comfortable in places he didn't know, and he often found himself in exactly those sorts of places. Always roaming. Moving.
At one point he tried to give up on the idea of sleeping. He found a piece of parchment, quill, and ink and tried to get a weight off his chest by finally confessing. He hated himself for putting the lives of hundreds of students at risk because he couldn't face up to what he had done. Sometimes he was very sure there was no way Sirius was using his alter-form to sneak around Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. Other times, like on sleepless nights such as these, he wasn't half so sure.
Dear Professor Dumbledore -
He threw down the quill, stared at the three words, and sighed. It wasn't something he could write. He tried to force himself to think of each individual student… from Harry, whom he had promised Lily and James to protect, to Draco Malfoy, whom he would dearly have loved to hex once or twice when he forgot that Draco was merely a boy raised in a house of corrupt values who hadn't been taught any better.
I have a bit of information on Sirius that I believe you should know. He's an Animagus, a large black dog with large pale blue eyes, who resembles a Grim. It's possible, although unlikely, that he is hiding by using this ability.
He wished he could leave it at that. Sign it and send it off. He could, technically. But come next Monday Dumbledore would ask him how he knew that, and that's what he couldn't face - admitting to one of the last people on earth who trusted him that he had blatantly disobeyed him years ago. And it was worse, now. He's now also had to say why he had waited so long before telling him this.
Remus took a deep breath, still trying to force the thoughts of everyone he might be endangering by this if he didn't "'fess up". He had done this countless times since last July, but then he imagined Dumbledore's reaction. Remus didn't care if he lost his latest position, although he loved it very much. He probably only deserved as much. It was just the thought of having to admit that - to look into those discerning blue eyes and say that he had betrayed Dumbledore's trust almost in the same way Sirius had betrayed Lily and James. And Dumbledore's reaction - the disappointment, the quiet rebuke, the answering of questions of "Why?", the loss of confidence in the one person left who took him for what he was and trusted him. Remus told himself firmly that he wasn't allowed to rest until he had made up his mind to make a clean telling of it, but soon drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
*
It was evening before he declared himself finished and went outside for a while. The veranda still needed a good cleaning, but he had a week, after all. The barn still looked in good condition. Remus knew that barn a bit too well; he had spent several full moons there and knew it would take a little more than twelve years for it to fall apart, but it still probably needed a going-over. The garden was a desert. Lola Lupin's heart would have broken, but Remus hadn't inherited his mother's natural gift with plants and had little clue what to do with it. Perhaps one day if Morwin was feeling well, she could attend to that.
"Why, if it isn't one of the Serendipity youngsters!" exclaimed a voice.
Remus turned sharply, finding a middle-aged woman with a small child on her shoulders. She waved merrily and came along the stone path to Serendipity. He racked his brains for any names or recollections of her. Not being able to place her, he went on alert. An accomplice of Sirius's?
She had a round face and startling deep blue eyes. Her blonde hair was being tugged by the young boy. "I know it's one of you. Horribly, I can't place a name. Let me see. Remus, wasn't it?"
It finally came to him: this was Laura Windsor. She was a Muggle who lived a few houses down. He smiled. "Yes, ma'am. I'm Remus Lupin, and hopefully you're still Mrs. Windsor or my memory's failing."
She smiled back. "Yes, I'm still her. Although sometimes she disagrees. Sometimes Kenny does, too. Kenny, say hello to Mr. Lupin."
Kenny glanced at him and grew shy. He chose to keep tugging at Mrs. Windsor's hair.
"Why, hello, Kenny," said Remus seriously. "Very nice to see you."
Kenny glanced up again, and a half-smile broke on his face. "Hullo."
"It's been so long since any of you were here!" Mrs. Windsor exclaimed. "Just up and away, were you? Grown out of the old Hollow?"
Remus smiled slightly. "Not precisely."
"Why on earth didn't any of you visit? I missed Lily and James's child… and Linda's 'bloody guitar', as Val called it… "
"Lily and James and Linda are dead. So is Peter. They died in '81."
He had put it rather bluntly. The truth was, he had come to terms with the fact. It was a cold, hard, unchangeable reality, but it still stung a little, and he therefore hadn't broken the news very gently. Mrs. Windsor went slack for a moment, and then oddly pale.
"They… they did? Are you… oh, of course you are. I'm sorry. It's just terrible to hear that." Mrs. Windsor tried to give proper condolences, but Kenny wasn't quite so sympathetic and kept tugging her hair. "I'm sorry. That must have been terrible."
I wonder if she heard about Sirius - of course she did, but if she recognised the name?
"Well, that's how it goes, I guess," Remus replied quietly. "I really couldn't bear to come around here. I'm sorry if it was rude to not give any notice."
"Oh, no. Of course not. Are you going to stay here?"
"Not exactly. Just fixing it up. Are you sure I've been the only one here for a while?"
Mrs. Windsor thought for a moment. "Well, there's old Perrin Richards, claiming that someone was here a few months ago… but you remember old Perry and his overactive
imagination, right?"
"Which way did he go?"
"'Pearred to be heading toward Surrey."
"How long ago was this?"
"Oh, about… seven months ago."
Remus sighed. Once again, Sirius was too quick for him.
*
It had been this chapter that had caused a lot of the panic. He had always been concerned about not revealing his secret beforehand, but that chapter was simply painful. His awareness of what others believed of him had not been concrete before; the Bells, certainly, had abandoned and tormented him after they had found out, but Remus assumed it was a mere matter of principle. Not that he liked it, but any means, but there was nothing to be done.
This lesson was a revelation to him, and pure torture. First off, he was nervous to begin with. They had Defence with the Ravenclaws, for heavens' sakes, the House of the Intelligent, and not to mention James, Sirius, Lily Evans, and Morwin Hagley, only the cleverest students in the year. Would one of them put two and two together?
Zambia began with a routine lecture. She was like a starved vulture, Remus had always privately thought. Sirius called her a "she-vampire", and had a lot of supporters on that score. But this one… Remus listened in a sort of horrified trance.
"… werewolves are among the most dangerous and deadly of all monsters… their untamed animal-like savageness makes them a threat at any time of the month… werewolves are among the most prized of tools for destruction among Dark wizards and witches… unfit for polite society, many live in 'packs' in the wilderness… the curse begins when a person is bitten by another werewolf in wolf form; the 'victim' is generally believed to have a certain amount of inhumanness in their souls from birth…"
Sirius nudged those closest to him and motioned to his careful notes. He had copied what Zambia had said word for word, but had written "Zambia" in place of "werewolves". James, usually above insulting others himself, had to bury his face a moment to smother laughter. Lily had to bury her face in Peter's shoulder, and Peter himself was red-faced from pent-in amusement. Bella rolled her eyes, but Sammy and Linda were grinned so hard their faces were liable to split.
"My devoted notes," Sirius hissed to Remus. Remus glanced down and read them, swallowing. He then looked up into Sirius's self-satisfied face and forced a laugh.
Zambia heard. Narrowing her eyes, she snapped: "Lupin? What exactly are you finding so amusing?"
Remus was secretly quite pleased to have an excuse for stemming his appreciation of Sirius's joke. "Nothing, ma'am. I'm sorry."
She glared at him. She had shot many glances at him throughout this speech, making him feel even more uncomfortable. Each of her words was like a bullet.
"I'm not!" Sirius whispered.
"Don't be," Linda assured him.
"Keep it up," urged Sammy.
It was later that evening, while writing an essay for Zambia, that Remus read the chapter thoroughly. While James and Peter laughed and argued over an intense game of Exploding Snap, (nicknamed Exploding Snape, of course) a horrible realisation came over him as he read.
He was a monster.
It hit him with the force of the Hogwarts Express. He was a dangerous and deadly monster unfit for polite society, precisely as Zambia had said.
It wasn't just a matter of what-if-they-all-found-out anymore. It was a matter of how James and Sirius and Peter had a perfect right to be revolted and disgusted.
Remus finished his essay mechanically.
"Rem? Are you done? Already?" James asked, wide-eyed. James was actually the best of all of them in Defence Against the Dark Arts.
"Yes," Remus somehow managed to reply, having little clue how he was able to articulate even that simple word. He felt himself shaking as he stood.
Lily glanced at him. "Are you all right, Rem?"
"Yes." He felt a sudden need to detach himself. He didn't feel half so frightened. He felt diseased, and shamed.
Thus began several long weeks of slow agony. Remus preferred not to write home about any of his anxiety; Mum had enough on her mind to begin with. He couldn't confide in any of his friends… friends he did not deserve. He considered talking to Professor Dumbledore, but surely he had enough on his mind already, with the Knight of Knives and such forth. And why had he admitted him, anyway? Had Remus give this more thought, he might have reached the conclusion that Dumbledore had the right of this after all, but never considered that.
It started showing in schoolwork; his marks began a slow but steady decline. It showed in his activities; he felt chronically tired and the passion for Quidditch and pranks slowly faded. It showed it his sleeping habits; he found it difficult to fall asleep and even more difficult to stay that way unless it was from the exhaustion of a full moon. Once he awoke everyone in his dormitory with a screaming nightmare.
James slapped him across the face just hard enough to awake him. "Rem? Rem, calm down! It's okay!"
Remus was still halfway in his dream. "James," he gasped desperately. "James, I'm -"
"Bloody hell, someone cut it!" It wasAdurin Fletcher, their fifth roommate. He had never quite bonded with the rest, preferring the company of the Gryffindors a year above him.
Remus, teeth chattering, slowly came to his senses and began to calm down.
"Yeah?" James asked, almost keenly.
"W-What?"
"You were saying - or was that your dream?"
"More of a nightmare."
"Oh."
"Sorry I woke you."
"Will you be all right?"
Remus smiled ruefully. He was covered in a cold sweat and had a feeling he would be getting no sleep that night. "I'm fine."
*
James, Peter, and Sirius hadn't cared the least bit. Afterwards, Remus felt as if he had wings.
They hadn't cared.
In fact, Sirius voiced the opinion that: "It's actually pretty cool, knowing that the oh mighty Arisuis Black has a son who's friends with a werewolf."
Sirius would, wouldn't he?
Why didn't I see it even then? Sirius would do anything, anything to rebel against his father. From what I know of Arisuis Black, you really can't blame him for that. But I suppose that was what drove him over to Voldemort in the first place. And me... that was one of so many times when he saw me as a thing or a tool, and not a person.
If we had only seen that sooner, Lily and James might be alive.
Serendipity didn't suggest the sort of place someone might be resisting entering for twelve years. In fact, it was a very pleasant house, and still in fairly good upkeep even if in need of a cleaning and somewhat out of fashion, and in far better condition than some of the places Remus had lived over the years. Everything Remus could see at the moment was exactly as it had been over a decade ago, untouched. It was like a time warp. He could almost see Lily and Linda in the corner, chatting, and Peter, who had been such a workaholic during the last year of his life, busy with papers while James joked with everyone in turn and tried to knock Peter's quill of his hand. Morwin, if her headache weren't too heavy, would be lightly scolding James - "Honestly, Jay, if he's actually doing something constructive, if he wants to grow up a little, let him!"
Remus's eyes began to water. "It's so dusty in here," he murmured aloud, and this excuse for a small show of emotion wasn't entirely untrue. It was dusty, very much so. Remus had developed mild allergies to dust recently due to his work fixing Muggle vacuum cleaners. It was dirty, degrading work, but it brought in some money. He preferred not to think of it now, not being a man prone to self-pity, and had Donny Goschles ever asked about it, he would have cracked a joke to the effect of it was a broadening experience and a very useful piece of knowledge. "It could use a good cleaning." Especially if Harry ever came here.
Remus couldn't completely forgive Dumbledore the fact that Harry had never been here. He didn't expect Dumbledore to give him or Bella custody of him, but the Dursleys? And even if he could understand the protections the Dursleys would give him, he didn't understand why Harry was allowed to be devoid of all knowledge he desperately needed most - his background. Bur Remus knew better know than to try anything, as he had when Harry was five or six. That had taken several memory charms and Remus got a thorough lecture from Minerva McGonagall on that score. He never tried to contact Harry again, and even now he had to try and keep his relationship with him purely teacher/student. He would admit to stretching that restriction, but deny breaking it.
In any case, however, there was always the chance that Harry might be able to visit what his own parents viewed as a second home, and Remus felt as if he would have let Lil and Prongs down horribly, now, if it wasn't exactly as it had always been.
Ah-choo!
Magic, however, was not an option. Godric's Hollow wasn't purely magical - no village in the part of the world was, besides Hogsmeade. He'd have to do it the Muggle way, since many of the neighbours were such neb-noses, but it wasn't much of a problem. Not only did he have experience with it, but he had a week to kill, after all.
No, that was not the problem. The problem was that some of the coat of dust was not as thick as the rest, and Remus had picked up a familiar scent with his wolf-like senses.
Sirius Black.
Remus clenched his fists a moment. By nature he was a calm, controlled person, and twelve years had been time to come face to face with the facts and learn to deal with it. But there were still times, when you remembered your best friends, and their son, and the daughter that never lived, and the lives three people were never able to finish leading, when you were about ready to throw something.
I've got an idea! Eddie Sheridan's even, almost surly, sarcastically bright voice said in Remus's head. Let's throw Donny about a bit. We'll all get the rage out, even Donny. But make sure one of us can drive to the hospital - like a designated driver, y'know?
"Eddie, I think that's a fine idea. Only may I throw Black into a river, instead? Donny's pretty innocent of this offense."
He had to smile. There were few times when Donny was "innocent". In 1985 and '85, when they had been co-workers, Donny had a wonderful effect on Remus's prankster reflexes that had refused to die. It was a wonder they hadn't spent several nights in jail.
*
It was a dark, pitch-black evening, the moon a crescent like the smile of a Cheshire Cat, and no doubt the elusive figure was grinning at the escapades of Team 69. Two large lorries were speeding along an side road of Devon, Kent. The owner of team 69, Donny Goschles, drove one. With him was Mark Young. The other was driven by Remus Lupin, known to his mates as Jack Donohue, with good friend Eddie Sheridan in the passenger seat. It was an innocent enough scene, despite the fact that Donny and Remus kept trying to outrun each other. It resulted in considerable beating and banging, but there was no speed limit on this road. Of course, if you didn't want to break your neck you went slower than those two lorries, but none of the four seemed to care.
Overhead, low trees brushed their roots and tires squealed in protest as the drivers rounded sharp turns with little caution. Donny and Mark, naturally, threw a few challenges and insults to Eddie and Remus at times via the radio, and vice versa. They were heading over to the shop of Pittan Grandview, who owned that charmed 23 car, driven by the great Mooney Chamberlain and was under the care of crew chief genius Jay Wade. Donny needed money and needed it bad; Grandview had plenty.
"Sure thing, Donny," Jay, a god friend of Donny's, had told him. "You bring you and some crew over and help us fix the car we wrecked last week, and I'll pay you fair."
As Eddie pointed out wryly, they had gotten roped into being Donny's "crew". They didn't seem to mind. Even Melaine, Mark's wife, had pretended to scold Donny, but couldn't really.
Donald Goschles could charm his way out of any noose on earth.
Jay Wade and Mooney Chamberlain themselves were there, although next to the speeding lorries they were inaudible and unnoticeable. Jay was driving, and ahead of Remus and Donny. Suddenly they were horrified at what they saw -
A white car came speeding out of the bushes, tearing down the hill, and rammed so near Jay and Mooney that the Team 69 was firmly convinced she hit them. The lady was turning the wheel crazily, with an insane grin on her face. She tapped Jay around for a while before Jay veered off to a different road.
Donny's temper had been aroused. He keyed up Remus and Eddie.
"Bloody hell! Did you see that? Did you see that? That woman ran Jay and Mooney off the road! Ed, Jack, did you see that?"
"Yes, Don, I believe we did," Eddie replied dryly.
"Man, I won't stand for that, no sire! No one messes with Jay!"
"So, Mark, having problems?" Remus asked.
A muffled sigh was the reply. "Yeah. The usual. Eddie, do something to calm him down."
"Donny, don't just do something, stand there," Remus ordered Donny. "Let's get her." At the same moment, Donny shouted over the radio: "Donohue, do you read me? We're going after that woman!"
Eddie rolled his eyes. "Ten-four," Remus told Donny, having picked up on racing jargon.
Even the levelheaded Eddie didn't stop the two drivers from giving that lady due payback. Their headlights were like huge cat eyes in the black night as they crept up on the white car, and soon they had her covered. Growing vindictive, Donny and Remus showed little mercy. They hung her out to dry. They edged her off the road, they forced her to fall between and narrowed in on her as if to crunch the car, they nudged the car - and a large lorry "nudging" a car can leave the car's driver with a headache. They "played payback" with her for a solid ten minutes before zooming off.
Donny had calmed down and was laughing. "All right! We showed her."
Jay and Mooney, having taken the long way, weren't at Grandview's garage when the four arrived. They knew what to do, however, and set to work. Remus and Donny were underneath a car when Jay, laughing, came in.
"Hey, were are you all?" he asked, still laughing. "Eddie, Mark?"
Mark glanced up. "Hi, Jay."
"Same to you, Mark. Hey, did you see my wife back there?"
There was a short silence.
"Wait a second," Eddie said at last. "That woman you drove you off the road? That was your wife?"
Jay nodded, grinning. "Can you believe her? Say, Mooney, watch out. She might have your job soon."
Mooney chuckled. "She'll have to arm wrestle it off me." Mooney was huge and muscular. Mrs. Wade wouldn't stand much of the chance, but Eddie and Mark could only laugh weakly at the joke.
"Wonder where she is, though," Jay continued. "Thought she'd follow me. So where are Goschles and Donohue?"
Goschles and Donohue remained hidden under the car, nearly dying of choked in laughter and unwilling to show their sorry faces in public until they recovered.
"Jack, I think we done messed up."
*
"Hey, did you see my wife?" became a standing catch-joke with the four and Melaine. Those words were all that was needed to set everyone off, and Donny and Remus, as the masterminds of the plan, took a lot of ribbing for that.
But it was all in good fun. Remus, with his sharp wit and knack for misadventure, had fit in seamlessly with that society. Except for a lot of sudden illnesses and the fact that he was still recovering from Halloween, 1981. But the Products HQ crew and Diana Pitchard were Muggles. It was a refreshing relief. And not only did he "fit in", they were friends. He had attended Mark and Melaine's wedding; he had come very close to outright dating Diane; Eddie had a past similar to his own, and they had recovered and come to terms together.
He missed them. They hadn't even died; there was simply a witch in Devon. While Remus was enjoying himself, he neglected his yearly check-in with the Werewolf Registry - he downright ignored the notices, and paid a dear price when Madam Wenth confronted him, and ordered him out. He supposed he could have gone back; he hadn't wanted to explain.
Right now, however, he concentrated on the present. He focused on the first floor, since his allergies had acted up so heavily here, he wasn't sure he could face the upstairs rooms. He worked methodically, room by room. Mostly, everything just needed a good dusting, although he considered just throwing away a pile of Daily Prophets in the kitchen area that were still there. He figured, though, that there was no point in simply abandoning them, and stored them safely away. He found to his delight that the wireless still worked.
He loved radios. No matter how much either he or others isolated him, a radio was a good companion. Music really was wonderful. He wished he hadn't sold his own - but the Serendipity wireless would remain there, and that was that. It was tradition, and goodness knew that Remus wasn't the first to break tradition. Not with considerable encouragement, anyway.
The first thing that qualified as a "task" was the cleaning of several huge throw rugs in the living room. He took those outside and had the fun of beating them the Muggle way. It released pent-up emotion, and this was a pretty emotional experience. At first the whacks kept in beat with the wireless.
"No official word on the whereabouts of Sirius Black…"
Remus scowled at Norrin Quinton and changed it to a Muggle station.
"As a further update, escaped convict Sirius Black was spotted in far north from our location today. While he does not appear to be an immediate threat…"
You couldn't escape it. Sirius, not Remus's friend, but a cold-hearted murderer, had escaped from the one place where he couldn't hurt innocent people. Not in the magical world, not in the Muggle, not even when you were trying to enjoy a nice dose of Lennon and McCartney.
No luck on the apprehension of Sirius Black…
Whack.
I hate you, Sirius. I don't understand why you did it, and there's no excuse.
Whack.
You killed James. James, Sirius. Prongs - your best friend in the world. You two were closer than anyone else that ever lived, it seemed. Everyone thought you were brothers. Everyone at Hogwarts would call both of you "Blotter". Remember? Remember that, Sirius?
Whack.
"Moony, come on. You can tell me, whatever it is. I'll always be there for you."
Whack.
And Lily. Lily. James's wife. The person in the world James loved the most. You had classes with her and you played Exploding Snap with her and you fought with her and laughed with her. You always said in our first year how you'd kill that little redhead who ought to have been in Slytherin. After you two became friends, we never thought you'd make good on your threat. Circe, we never thought you'd really kill her even when you didn't like her. You needed a rival. Lily, Sirius - Lily.
Whack!
And Rose. Rose never got a chance to live, Sirius. Never. She never saw the sun, or grinned a near-toothless grin and forced her first words, she never got a chance to annoy her older brother, she never made a best friend, or begged for a pet, or slyly lied to James about where she was the night before, or argued with Lily over clothing, or told her parents she loved them. She never played on a swing, she never rode a broomstick, she never learned to read, she never got the thrill of her Hogwarts letter. Stupid, trivial stuff? Perhaps some of it sounds it. But the fact is that she never got to do it.
Whack!
"If you want to kill James, you'll have to kill all of us, too!"
Whack!
And Harry - your godson, the pride of James's life. You destroyed his parents and family and godmother and anyone who would have cared for him. You sent him off to hell, in a household that never loved him. With Petunia Evans! He never knew what it was like, either - to remember a mother kissing him, or to have a father helping him onto his first broomstick ride, or pulling a younger sister's braids. I barely know him, at least compared to what I ought to, for James and Lily's sakes, but it doesn't take much to see that his home life is miserable. The only remembrance he has of his parents is their screams of the night they died. And you caused that, too.
Whack!
"I solemnly swear to love and protect his child…"
Whack!
And Peter. How could you destroy him like that? Peter was your friend, Sirius. How many times did he save you in class by whispering an answer when you hadn't read any of the chapter? How many times did he take the blame for one of your jokes? How many times did he glance at you in concern and ask if you were all right or needed anything? You didn't need to kill him; you could have gotten away from him easily. But you did. It was your downfall, wasn't it? Too full of yourself; it got you in Azkaban. Which you really just about deserve. Almost. More than almost anyone else in the world. Just enjoyed killing off friends, didn't you?
Whack!
"Morwin, don't pay those gits any mind. We're your friends, and if they give you any more trouble, tell 'em to bring it up with Sirius Black, okay?"
Whack!
Linda. Oh, what a laugh. All your proclamations of love and adoration for her - in speech and manner - and you destroyed her as well. I wish so badly that you could have seen what you caused in her, because that if anything could make you sorry for what you did. Her feelings were delicate, Sirius, you should have known that. She was miserable. Miserable. So miserable that she started acting with no regard for her own life - and she died. Because of you, Black!
Whack!
I won't. I refuse. I will not let you destroy one more life. No, no, and no. I will not let you kill Harry.
Whack!
But, taunted an annoying voice in his head, those wonderful sounding vows don't do much when you can't even confess one little rather important fact to Dumbledore, right?
WHACK!
Remus decided he had beat the poor rug up enough. Teeth gritted with self-anger, he moved one to the next task. He forced his mind onto something else.
Remus soon was back inside, and the living room was looking, well, like a living room again. Unfortunately, the WNN's "Ten After Laughter" was now on, with a short live clip from Griff Rethfy. The so-called comedian.
"Yeah, yeah, they're all worried about Sirius Black, aren't they?" Rethfy too-bright voice drawled. "Seriously."
Remus sighed. You couldn't get away from it, could you? And considering how long Remus himself had known Sirius, that pun was old, old, old.
"That's not even a name, y'know? That's just a failed colour," Rethfy continued, unaware that he was echoing something Remus himself had once said. "You can almost see how the poor kid grew up the way he did. Can you imagine yourself introducing yourself, say, on the first day on the Hogwarts Express? 'Hey, can I sit here?' 'Sure.' 'So, what's your name?' 'Augustus Edwards.' 'I'm Donald Eager. Who're you?' 'Er, well, they, er, call me Sirius Black…' 'So what's your real name?' 'Sirius Black.' 'Seriously?'"
Remus had a personal opinion that when a comedian had to laugh to show the audience just how funny they were, it was a flop. Just his own personal, humble opinion, of course.
"And then Black's father. Any of you know Arisuis Black? Thank you, thank you very much. Arisuis Black, remember him? About six feet tall, and the only thing supporting that were intimidation and no backbone? That's right. I always felt sorry for his kids, personally. Now, remember when Black tried to pick on Moody, Millry, and Mead?"
The audience laughed.
"Yeah, yeah, that was real sweet. Got to remember that Moody was just a slip of a rookie then, too. He was a paranoid youngster, as I recall. Anyway. So. There was Black, and at every turn he'd have a paranoia, a Refrudian woman who wrote for a living, and a Refrudian werewolf showing him up? Remember that? Oh, oh, was sweet. Remember when Black discharged Mead? First thing she said was: 'YES!! I don't have to take orders from you anymore!' Remember when Millry left, first thing she said? Sweet ol' Patty? 'YES!! I don't have to put up with you anymore!' Hey, anyone want to guess what Moody said when he went on holiday? Anyone? Oh, come on. You, young man?"
And uncertain voice answered: "Er, 'yes'?"
"Aw, close. No, Moody did it best of all. He gazed at Black, kind of like this, you know, and, of course, he had to wince as he saw Black's face. So he just sort of looked at him, and said: 'But I haven't put you in Azkaban yet, Black."
There was thunderous applause.
Remus switched off the radio.
Didn't the media have anything better to talk about than to inflate the ego and glory of a murderer? Remus worked upstairs in silence, without the companionship of the radio, and/or Griff Rethfy.
*
Remus slept badly that night.
Logically, he should have been just fine. He was still achy from his last transformation, he had just spent a full day cleaning, and it wasn't as if he wasn't used to sleeping at Serendipity. He had a hard time being comfortable in places he didn't know, and he often found himself in exactly those sorts of places. Always roaming. Moving.
At one point he tried to give up on the idea of sleeping. He found a piece of parchment, quill, and ink and tried to get a weight off his chest by finally confessing. He hated himself for putting the lives of hundreds of students at risk because he couldn't face up to what he had done. Sometimes he was very sure there was no way Sirius was using his alter-form to sneak around Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. Other times, like on sleepless nights such as these, he wasn't half so sure.
Dear Professor Dumbledore -
He threw down the quill, stared at the three words, and sighed. It wasn't something he could write. He tried to force himself to think of each individual student… from Harry, whom he had promised Lily and James to protect, to Draco Malfoy, whom he would dearly have loved to hex once or twice when he forgot that Draco was merely a boy raised in a house of corrupt values who hadn't been taught any better.
I have a bit of information on Sirius that I believe you should know. He's an Animagus, a large black dog with large pale blue eyes, who resembles a Grim. It's possible, although unlikely, that he is hiding by using this ability.
He wished he could leave it at that. Sign it and send it off. He could, technically. But come next Monday Dumbledore would ask him how he knew that, and that's what he couldn't face - admitting to one of the last people on earth who trusted him that he had blatantly disobeyed him years ago. And it was worse, now. He's now also had to say why he had waited so long before telling him this.
Remus took a deep breath, still trying to force the thoughts of everyone he might be endangering by this if he didn't "'fess up". He had done this countless times since last July, but then he imagined Dumbledore's reaction. Remus didn't care if he lost his latest position, although he loved it very much. He probably only deserved as much. It was just the thought of having to admit that - to look into those discerning blue eyes and say that he had betrayed Dumbledore's trust almost in the same way Sirius had betrayed Lily and James. And Dumbledore's reaction - the disappointment, the quiet rebuke, the answering of questions of "Why?", the loss of confidence in the one person left who took him for what he was and trusted him. Remus told himself firmly that he wasn't allowed to rest until he had made up his mind to make a clean telling of it, but soon drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
*
It was evening before he declared himself finished and went outside for a while. The veranda still needed a good cleaning, but he had a week, after all. The barn still looked in good condition. Remus knew that barn a bit too well; he had spent several full moons there and knew it would take a little more than twelve years for it to fall apart, but it still probably needed a going-over. The garden was a desert. Lola Lupin's heart would have broken, but Remus hadn't inherited his mother's natural gift with plants and had little clue what to do with it. Perhaps one day if Morwin was feeling well, she could attend to that.
"Why, if it isn't one of the Serendipity youngsters!" exclaimed a voice.
Remus turned sharply, finding a middle-aged woman with a small child on her shoulders. She waved merrily and came along the stone path to Serendipity. He racked his brains for any names or recollections of her. Not being able to place her, he went on alert. An accomplice of Sirius's?
She had a round face and startling deep blue eyes. Her blonde hair was being tugged by the young boy. "I know it's one of you. Horribly, I can't place a name. Let me see. Remus, wasn't it?"
It finally came to him: this was Laura Windsor. She was a Muggle who lived a few houses down. He smiled. "Yes, ma'am. I'm Remus Lupin, and hopefully you're still Mrs. Windsor or my memory's failing."
She smiled back. "Yes, I'm still her. Although sometimes she disagrees. Sometimes Kenny does, too. Kenny, say hello to Mr. Lupin."
Kenny glanced at him and grew shy. He chose to keep tugging at Mrs. Windsor's hair.
"Why, hello, Kenny," said Remus seriously. "Very nice to see you."
Kenny glanced up again, and a half-smile broke on his face. "Hullo."
"It's been so long since any of you were here!" Mrs. Windsor exclaimed. "Just up and away, were you? Grown out of the old Hollow?"
Remus smiled slightly. "Not precisely."
"Why on earth didn't any of you visit? I missed Lily and James's child… and Linda's 'bloody guitar', as Val called it… "
"Lily and James and Linda are dead. So is Peter. They died in '81."
He had put it rather bluntly. The truth was, he had come to terms with the fact. It was a cold, hard, unchangeable reality, but it still stung a little, and he therefore hadn't broken the news very gently. Mrs. Windsor went slack for a moment, and then oddly pale.
"They… they did? Are you… oh, of course you are. I'm sorry. It's just terrible to hear that." Mrs. Windsor tried to give proper condolences, but Kenny wasn't quite so sympathetic and kept tugging her hair. "I'm sorry. That must have been terrible."
I wonder if she heard about Sirius - of course she did, but if she recognised the name?
"Well, that's how it goes, I guess," Remus replied quietly. "I really couldn't bear to come around here. I'm sorry if it was rude to not give any notice."
"Oh, no. Of course not. Are you going to stay here?"
"Not exactly. Just fixing it up. Are you sure I've been the only one here for a while?"
Mrs. Windsor thought for a moment. "Well, there's old Perrin Richards, claiming that someone was here a few months ago… but you remember old Perry and his overactive
imagination, right?"
"Which way did he go?"
"'Pearred to be heading toward Surrey."
"How long ago was this?"
"Oh, about… seven months ago."
Remus sighed. Once again, Sirius was too quick for him.
*