i'll look east and lock my heart
in a brass box to newfound mass
i'm breaking off...but this is my home
i'd do anything for you, give you
the world if i could. is that what you
want me to do? these bridges and boundaries
are bring me closer to you...
i want to dedicate the last chapter of my fic to the following: veggie, Emily (also known as River Daughter) and Andunhin. thank you, for all the support! ^_^
Note: Song used in this fic is the Ruri version of "You Get To Burning" not the original, the Ruri/Minami Omi one only.
----
My heart...Sam cried to himself, regaining consciousness. It's burning...
His burning eyes were an indomitable amount of pain. He could no longer hold back the angst in his heart; it wanted out. He couldn't contemplate what was wrong with Frodo anymore. Sam's only hope was that Frodo needed to be talked to, or it'd lead to both of their deaths, or just Sam's. He laid on the ground though, unable to stir. He'd predict any moment now, Frodo would come crashing in on him.
Sam's body felt cramped. He was unable to move himself. His long living will to live had died, or was about to. The greatest flame in his heart had gone out. If that flame were to be born anew, it'd be a black flame, representing hate and pain. The feeling churned inside him, but he used all the good inside of him to keep it away. He pushed it away madly, hoping he wouldn't be stripped to his last resort. He wouldn't let that happen.
Where had Frodo gone though? Certainly he wouldn't leave Sam unharmed lest Sam had no idea why.
"What was it Mr. Frodo was fighting, anyway?" The words caught up to Sam again, remembering Frodo's wicked grin say, It was my worst enemy. Myself."
Sam shook his head. Frodo's own voice had become real, as it echoed among the trees. The echo was almost soothing, save for the words that came along with his heavenly voice. Sam felt like he was being persuaded, it was like watching a pie cool on the windowsill. Almost irresistible.
"Samwise," Frodo sang in threatening tone. "My dear Samwise, come show your splendid face! I much would rather see that than anything else. It's much prettier than an orcs."
"I don't know whether to feel insulted or honored," Sam mumbled to himself. He began to crawl from the marshy grass he was in, and behind a tree he sat himself down again. Hopefully he could hear Frodo better, without being seen.
Frodo's voice became more strict, "Samwise, if I were you, I'd come out. Because you have an angered Frodo on your tail!"
"Angered?!" Sam shouted, revealing himself from his hiding place. "Begging your pardon, Master Frodo. But what have I done? What have I done to anger you?"
The reply wasn't quick. At least, not as quick as Frodo came charging forward, sword already drawn in his small hands. Again, as he swung, he aimed for Sam's sides. Sam would bounce away, trying to avoid the tip of the blade. He tried reasoning with Frodo, hopping in his face so often so his words made clear.
"Mr. Frodo," he called out, ducking once more. "Don't you think we should talk it over? I mean, giving me a moment to explain myself, or at least understand. Get what I mean?"
Frodo's voice stirred up, creating a thunderous scream. He lifted the sword above his head and tried to smite Sam from above. Sam was driven away, still calling out, "Please!"
"No, no, no!" Frodo cried. Every so often, Sam would almost feel pity. Pity for himself. How was it his reasoning words made Frodo's eyes dwell with tears? He still longed so, to wipe the tears from the bottom. Sam wanted to cry himself; his eyes were parched. No good crying with a dry heart. But whatever sorrow he wanted to show through his eyes, he'd show through his mind and movements. He'd avoid all he had to not harm his Frodo. No, not when Frodo didn't do these things purposely. He believed with all his heart that Frodo was being controlled.
Hopefully.
Sam needed some way to show Frodo that he hadn't done a thing. Words wouldn't fit the puzzle, either. Such a beautiful puzzle once had almost been completed, but someone came and ruined it. Ruined every part that made it special. Now, the placing had become slow and all attempts failed. Only one right way to fix it, and Sam had not the slightest clue.
Sam drew a heavy breath, as he kneeled, hands stained with earth pressed against his trousers. Such memories would bring him back to that seen. Being a small lad, he'd run and play, in the dirt. He remembered his hands being dirty one day, and wasn't allowed to eat. Small things like that meant much to him, in a strange way. Of course, he hadn't eaten proper in a few months. He wished he were small again.
He was awoken from his dream by Frodo though. Cold iron pressed against his neck, and it sent a wave of freezing stabs down his back. A scared reverie overtook him, but it wasn't very silent. He almost screamed; Frodo had allowed him to stand up. The blade was still settled between his neck and shoulder as he stood up. He met his lively eyes with Frodo's dead ones. They had been stabbed. The colors had died. They had faded.
It overwhelmed dear Sam.
Sam couldn't look anymore. He use to look into Frodo's eyes and see his own reflection. As if he were Frodo's. As if Frodo has caught him, and had always loved him. Sam couldn't see his reflection anymore. I've forgotten what I look like, he wept inside. In Frodo's eyes I am nothing, is that so? He shook, and finally, his eyes beaming, a river slowly forming, he fell from the swords touch and landed to the ground, hugging Frodo's legs.
"Frodo! My Master Frodo! You've frightened me so much! I can't see myself in your anymore! As if all I've related to you has died! What has happened? Tell me! I can't stand anymore madness! All I feel is this madness...this horrid madness, pulling at me from all ends!" He dug his face against Frodo's knee, holding it tightly. "You must understand...Don't you?"
Frodo looked at Sam, with a look full of mourn. His eyes beaten against Sam's, with much pity and toil. Sam felt he had gotten through to Frodo. At least, his master's face didn't seem to look at him in scorn any longer.
Frodo's mind was anything but that inside, though. It was a continuing line of voices, telling him to kill Sam. He was merely contemplating his next move. Or was he? Cry for me? Frodo whispered inside. Frodo bent down, his eyes meeting Sam's.
Sam was reminded of that time again, when he had fallen and his bag had lost everything. He wanted to smile, but he just sat there, in a still of time. Yet bliss covered his body. Sam was being embraced by his dreams. He had had so many dreams such as this, where Frodo was there before him. Sam's world turned into silver.
Frodo reached his hand out the small distance they were near, and he wiped Sam's tears. His hands caressed Sam's red face and drowned eyes. The softest thing Sam had felt for days. A shining face before him, taking care of him. Nurturing him. Finally...hope had landed safely into Sam's arms, and finally, he could trust the world again.
Frodo wrapped his arms about Sam. A spiritless embrace...
Something had happened then that Sam did not intend. A dark hand reached about both of them, painting the world Sam finally came to knew dark and bold. Everything became dead through his eyes. It spreaded, and where it originated; all things pointed to them. Sam's hope had fled, in hope of finding a more happier person. And as Sam still sat there on his knees, arms still about a now gone Frodo, he felt a slap. No, more like a hard punch in the face.
The color had faded in his own eyes. His own eyes that he used every morning to paint the world with. Bitter now dwelled there.
Frodo awakened him with a kick. Pain threw Sam to his back, and he cried in pain. It didn't hurt as much as Frodo's cold eyes against his, wiping his own tears. No, nothing was worse than that.
Frodo wouldn't stop to think of the pain he caused Sam. Frodo's eyes were still forming in tears and watering the ground on which Sam was beaten on. It confused him much. He didn't want to see Frodo cry, even if he was beating him senseless for no reason.
Sam looked up upon Frodo, who seemed to move like a marionette. He kicked, and backed away repeatedly. It was a routine almost. A dance. But still, Sam looked upon Frodo and tears formed from his pained eyes. He reached his hand out, trying to touch his master, but Frodo would only scowl and slap it away, avoiding all contact. Only the contact of his foot to Sam's side. It seemed to neither please him or pain him.
Sam stirred finally, coughing up much blood. It trailed down from his mouth, souring the soil. His body twitched, and he dug his fingers into the stained ground; his heart pleaded for something to hold. The taste of blood almost intrigued him, as much as it did to Frodo. For Frodo grinned, success spreading through his mind. He wanted to see more blood flow. His own rushed by with a feeling of anguish and need.
Slowly, his profile reflected off the mirroring of a blade slowly drawn from his sheath. Where all Frodo's weaponry came from, Sam did not know. But he could see Frodo's emotionless face reflect to his own. Only then, could Sam understand Frodo's pain now. It seemed to show differently from the angle of a sword, than face to face. Something was in Frodo. Something that had been there, but had been released, by something only as powerful as a demon could.
My worst enemy. Myself.
That quote rang through Sam's head like a supper bell. It attacked him like a dreadful orc. It hit him as obvious as the setting sun. Sam roused himself up, and before Frodo could sweep the edge along Sam's skin, he grabbed onto the hilt. Frodo gave a struggle, trying to get Sam to let go of his dagger, but Sam wouldn't move. Not when he knew how to save his poor Master.
"Let go," Frodo growled. He tried to sweep his arm around, enough to have the knife dig into his fellow hobbit's skin.
Sam was swift. As soon as Frodo attempted, he himself used his free hand to pinch Frodo's wrist. Frodo gave a small gasp of pain, and released his grasp on the sword's end. He gave a threatening look of shock, and finally let go of his tension. He had quit struggling; he had let Sam take control.
"Now listen, Mr. Frodo." Sam still held onto Frodo's wrist, but placed his now free hand onto his master's shoulder. "You need to stop this! I never tried to harm you! I only looked for you. Because I never meant to do you wrong. No, I never will. I only care for you, Frodo. You're my dear Frodo, of whom I'm willing to die for. If I did hurt you...I never will again..."
The horizon in Sam's eyes grew with a watery haze. His eyes matched Frodo's, for Frodo began to weep too. Without another thought, he wrapped his arms about Frodo, and wept into his neck. Frodo grabbed onto Sam's hair, and then let his fingers sail through the waves.
Content filled their hearts. A view of them in such a rejoicing embrace could be seen all throughout that unknown land. They weren't far from a ledge. When you fell off that ledge, you'd have a tour of the whole landscape for miles around. The bottom led you to a rocky wave of rapid waters, but seeing straight out you saw miles of fields and mountains as far as their eyes could see.
The tress of green that spread with a world of white, had caught their eyes. Specially the eyes of Frodo.
"Sam, you don't understand still. Why do you think I left?" He pushed Sam away, too close as he almost slipped off the side. Sam's heart began to rip inside, screaming. He wanted to stand up and slap Frodo, and tell him he was full of much garbage. He had no reason for beating upon his Sam. But if he didn't, then why at all? After all Sam had done for Frodo. After all of it...all he wanted to do was have Frodo lay his head upon Sam's lap, and let him watched over his master.
Frodo grabbed his dagger blade again, and stared at it in deep thought. He turned his eyes of fire towards Sam. "If you believed that such a demon was inside me, controlling my feelings, you were correct. But alas, too late. For such a thing that dwelled inside me, I defeated. And now, a new demon lays within me...and it won't rest. You are in my way, Samwise. And I will kill you, as you have me. And with this ring, I will be happy with only myself."
Sam's eyes were glazed with tears as he called to Frodo, "I never killed you!"
Frodo looked insulted from the inside. "Yes, you did...Whenever it was I left you, that is when you changed on me."
Sam couldn't believe a word. "No, no! You changed on me!"
"Sam, you hurt me! When I was asleep! Oh and how I longed to see you again. I had searched for you, after regretfully leaving you. And you attacked me. And you gave me no pity for now you try to comfort me." Frodo put his hand to his chest, and swung it out. He was pouring his heart out. "I had been so weary, Sam. I had heard a song surround me. It betrayed me. That song was from you, I knew it was. Had I known you sung it then, I'd of looked for you! But it was leading me to a web of hurt!"
Sam still could not believe a word and yet it fit into the puzzle perfectly. His clothes covered in dust; his hands covered in blood other than his own. It was certain enough he had fought with Frodo and ended up where he was that morning. Sam gasped, for he had solved the puzzle. A bit more effort and the puzzles would finally be in lest getting passed Frodo's heart. He had to dig into his master's soul somehow, and call to him.
Another question lay on his mind though; why had he done it? Had a demon controlled him too? Possibly, just possibly, it was a feeling inside him that needed to be let out...that only a demon heard only through tale's could reveal. Yes! Finally, Sam knew! That day he had first met with this side of Frodo, he had bitterly been attacked by a transparent darkness. It was a beast that fed on souls. Souls that were lost.
But it was too late for Frodo. Frodo had defeated the demon, and still now his heart lingered on hateful expressions. Sam didn't know what to do, except finally ask what it was he needed to know from Frodo. "Frodo, why did you leave me that night?"
Frodo's parched lips trembled. His body had shivered as his scantily clad body was being brushed by chilling winds. And so, his response came forth, soothing Sam's ear and yet making his heart stir with passion. "Because I love you."
The wind lay bare now. It stroked against Sam and finally rested. He could no longer handle his undying words. He wanted to show Frodo his love. Could that save Frodo from an untrue hate?
The answer came clear. It had pierced Sam deep into his flesh. It left open a wound that cried of blood. The wounds tears were not of salt, but it poured the blood of Frodo's hate. Frodo had stabbed Sam in the leg. Surprisingly enough, Sam did not cry. He winced with pain, he felt the warm river climb down his leg, and he knew now he could not reach Frodo. This isn't like me, Sam looked up at the sky that now turned a into a world painted of red and hate. I'm giving up...without trying... Sam tumbled backwards, almost falling in a pool of his own blood. But the words he had thought had held onto him, and gave him wings to fly back up. Frodo did not hack away at him, but just swung his dagger about in Sam's direction, almost blindly.
Blinded he was. His eyes stung with tears that could overflow the Anduin or drown the Ford before Rivendell. His visions blurred with nothing but a sea of pain. Frodo was drowning in hate, and it seemed he was pitying himself. Had Sam only been something to thrash upon? Frodo was letting out what he needed to let out, but he was harming Sam in the making. And he would never know.
Frodo swung his dagger about once more, as he saw Sam's shape through the water. He gave a low cry, and with Sam shouting and grabbing hold his hand, Frodo finally realized he had fallen off the ledge; with only Sam to bring him back up, or let him go.
"Mr. Frodo," Sam's gaze fixated at Frodo's. Frodo looked desperately up at him, scared of Sam letting go. "Don't worry Mr. Frodo. I won't let go. I would never do that to you, even if you had cut out my heart. Which, sadly, you already achieved of doing. But I'd never let you fall...I'd catch you in my arms before you hit the ground."
Sam was more absorbed in his words longed forever to release, that he had not realized his feet sliding ever more to the edge.
His feet slid, and he dangled by his toes, holding Frodo's weight, and the weight of the ring, by his two hobbit hands. Droplets of tears fell and landed carelessly on Frodo's cheeks. "Mr. Frodo, I dearly and so solemnly love you. I admire everything about you. And my dreams always have you admiring me back," his tears burned along with his words into Frodo's mind. "But I'm very foolish to believe so. I can't dream anymore. This whole journey with you has painfully made me realize that. I can never get you to love me, and even so, you're too good for me."
"Sam..." Frodo cried. "I..."
Sam's tears collided, as his hand slipped, and Frodo fell. Sam's heart pounded, confused as what to do. He saw Frodo's face give a last farewell. No.. he screamed at himself. He can't go! Not with what we've left as! Sam let his feet slip, and following Frodo to death, swam through the air trying to catch him, as he said he would.
kuyashisha o koraete keri ageta ishi koro | enduring mortification, you kicked a stone...
hanekaereba daiyamondo ni monaru | if it bounces back, it might even become a diamond.
Sam's tears fled for the sky, as he raced to meet Frodo. His body weight seemed to give him an advantage, even as he felt himself floating weightless. Miles to the bottom, and he had forgotten all about death. His mind was set on catching Frodo in his arms. To craddle him. He had to hold Frodo with his last breath...it seemed the only thing he could live for anymore. He needed a tomorrow to look for. He couldn't wake up the next morning knowing Frodo had perished. He would never live the same again. He wouldn't be able to live at all.
sugute ni hairu yume nante yume ja nai yo | dreams you can get get right away aren't really dreams, you know...
demo kanarazu kazau to shinjiteru yo | still, i believe that they'll be granted without fail.
Sam reached his arms out, revealing the rocky ground below, yet still so far away. The wind pushed him back, heeding his fall. Closer he came to Frodo, he was shielding himself from whatever it was to catch him at the bottom.
Frodo felt Sam's arms come around him from behind, and Sam whispered into his ears, "Don't worry, Frodo. I'm here now."
Frodo turned his ruffled hair to Sam, eyes drier than anything, yet on the verge of tearing. "Samwise...I never meant to harm you..." his eyes looked pained; he had realized what he'd done. Sam made a hushing sound, and placed his finger against Frodo's papery lips. "I know, I know..." he himself was crying. He smiled through his tears. He smiled through the deep wounds that now covered his body. He smiled for Frodo.
And Frodo smiled back. The one smile Sam hadn't seen for days.
Pure happiness...tell me, when was the last time I felt such a feeling?
kujikenai kimi ga suki | i won't give in. i love you.
Sam would never know the answers to his own questions. Only Frodo could tell.
"Tell me Sam," Frodo said in a patient voice. "How long have you loved me?"
"Forever, sir."
Frodo's eyes swelled. "Don't address me as sir anymore," he said with a grin. "Not anymore. Never again."
Sam blinked, and a tear rolled down his cheek. The wind kissed it away, or had Frodo? Sam couldn't tell, as he was in an enlightened world. He was falling with Frodo in his arms.
nakitai toki aru nara | if you ever want to cry,
soba ni zutto zutto iru kara | i'll always, always be by your side, and so...
He grabbed onto Frodo's hand, and squeezed it with much love. One arm Sam had still left about Frodo, and they held onto each other, as they hit the icy water.
Blood floated from the wound in Sam's leg, and led up to the surface of the water. His vision of Frodo was lost, but his hand wasn't. Sam would squeeze it, and often kiss it once or twice. But it led them back to each other. They drifted ashore, and Frodo's breathing was heavy. A strange fear overcame Sam if Frodo would die, but it was nonsense.
He held onto Frodo's hand, and laid his body against the rocky shores along the river. They didn't die. Frodo was drowning still. He shook and chills ran about his body. He shrieked in much attempt to scare away the pain, but it made Sam feel helpless.
you get to burning
kimi rashiku hoko rashiku mukatte yo | face it proudly, as befits you
muchuu ni natta hibi ga yume no kakera sa | those days when you're enraptured are pieces of your dream
He grabbed onto Frodo's cold hand, and kneeled above him. "Frodo," he rubbed his masters hand, trying to help him warm up. Sam then rested his body next to his Frodo's, wrapping his arm about him, and whispering into his ear.
Frodo turned his head to Sam, after a long silence of worrying. Sam saw something grow in his eyes, as if he had now belonged to Frodo again. He saw his face grow red inside Frodo's eyes. He saw himself again. He saw where he belonged. Frodo and him were there, together, and finally Sam wasn't afraid to admit to Frodo.
In Sam's own eyes, he saw Frodo there shivering, but also longing. And he kissed Frodo's brow without hesitance, as Frodo recalled in his dream.
you get to burning
sono kakera o atsumete | as you pick up those pieces,
yuuki, mieru yo to be | i can see you have the courage to be...
going your days, grow up
Frodo did not recoil. Instead, his body warmed to the point where he melted in Sam's arms. He dug his face into Sam's chest, nestling there. "I've found my true home," he mumbled into Sam. "Yes...you are my Shire, Sam. You are my will. You are what drives me to do what I do. It's all for you. I think of you, and ambition grows. You are what makes me, me even. It's almost more complicated then that..."
"Mr. Frodo," Sam said, brushing his hand on Frodo's head. "You are the same for me. You are a gift to me...you are a rose. You have many thorns, yet you are precious. You are unique, delicate, and beautiful."
tsubuyaita kimi ga suki | i love you...
ano hino mama yumemiru | your eyes are always, always those of a young boy...
hitomi, zutto zutto shounen | they keep on dreaming, just as they were on that day
Frodo smiled through the flooding of tears. Many times had he cried recently...and all for a hobbit like Sam. He felt like he had commited a sin; he had harmed Sam the way he did. In his heart, he felt as though there was no reason to it. In his mind, however, he knew why it was he did, and it made clear sense. But not enough for him to ever explain to Sam. For now...he wanted to be in love with Sam. Nothing more.
Sam felt he had something special in his arms. Of course he did, for it was Frodo Baggins. The hobbit that made his heart flutter when he thought of him. Frodo was his world, and would forever be his world. Frodo was his appreciation for life. Or would be now. Yes, forever...when he awakes from his bed, in his hobbit hole, he'd think of Frodo now. He'd think of life. He'd be living.
He'd be living for a reason: His Frodo.
you get to burning
kimi rashiku ai rashiku waratte yo | smile charmingly for me, as befits you.
muchuu ni nareru hibi ha kitto shiwase | those days when you can be enraptures are truly happiness
"Samwise?" Frodo questioned his loving hobbit.
"Frodo?" Samwise smiled.
Frodo answered with haste; he bent up to Samwise, and pressed his lips against Sam's. Their hearts were racing, as the daring move led into moments of more pressing together. Frodo put his hand on the back of Sam's neck, and Sam used Frodo's shaking shoulder to lean on. Sam bent closer to Frodo, and brushed his cheek against his masters.
The last of Sam's tears brushed against Frodo as they brushed together. Frodo let himself go, and whiped Sam's tears from his cheek; his own from his eyes as well. He looked up at Samwise, and saw something there. Someone he could love forever. "Such loyalty behind those windows..." he whispered to himself.
you get to burning
kizutsuite momegenai | realize it, don't dispute it
asu o mezasu yuuki mieru yo to be | i can see you have
the courage to aim for tomorrow. going your days, grow up
Sam felt the ending to his own story complete. Such a happy ending to befit his lonesome heart. Happy endings were rare in that age, and Sam felt he had achieve something great. In fact, he had always had Frodo in his grasp.
He could swear he saw something lift from his masters body and descend into the night. Hatred had left his body.
"What's that you said, Frodo?"
Frodo shook his head, he only smiled. Such colors sparkled, such beauty. Sam was astonished to have such a person love him back...
"Frodo," Sam quietly said. "I..."
Frodo placed his finger upon Sam's lips and grinned. "No Sam. I love you...Do you hear me?" With one last smile, Frodo kissed Sam again.
"I love you, Samwise Gamgee."