Author: X_tremeroswellian
Email: X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
Category: Liz is the central focus, but there is some M/L, and minor M/M and I/A
Rated: R for language, adult situations, and adult content
Spoilers: Up through "Blood Brothers" and some for the book series.
Author's Note: Thanks to Linda who gave me the support to actually post this story. There are five parts before this, and if you haven't read those, I would go back and do so before reading this one, otherwise you'll be lost.
Matters of Trust (Part Six)
Liz managed to pull herself out of her car and walk towards the school building. Catching up on sleep at Alex's the other day had helped a lot--she had been able to stay awake all night last night, in case Uncle Charlie decided to pay her a visit, and she managed to somewhat focus on biology homework to keep her mind off Uncle Charlie.
But as she walked towards psych class, she was hit by a wave of exhaustion and had to lean against the wall for a moment to keep her balance.
"Liz?"
She turned to face Max, and forced herself to smile. "Hey."
"Are you all right?" he asked in concern.
"Yeah, I'm just kind of dizzy, that's all." She took a deep breath and stepped away from the wall. Her knees buckled almost instantly.
Max dropped his books to the ground and caught her before she hit the floor. "Take it easy. Lean on me," he instructed.
Liz leaned her head against his shoulder, holding onto Max's arm for support. "Take deep breaths," he said gently.
She did as he said, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder and her eyes to close. She felt one of his hands resting on her shoulder, brushing against her hair. His other hand rested on the small of her back, supporting her.
"Do you think you're going to pass out?"
Liz shook her head slowly.
"Let me take you to the hospital," he said, gazing into her eyes.
She shook her head again. "Max, I'm okay. I'm just really tired," she said quickly.
"Liz, I'm really worried about you. Please tell me what's wrong," Max said softly.
"I can't tell you, Max," she whispered. "I want to tell you, I just can't." She was near tears as she pulled away from ihm and hurried into the psychology classroom.
Max sighed as he stooped down to pick up his books. Just then, Maria tripped over him and her books went flying through the air. She landed with a hard thud.
"Are you all right?" Max asked in concern, holding out his hand to help her up.
"Yeah, I'm okay. God, I'm sorry," Maria said, scrambling to pick up her things.
"It's okay," he assured her, handing her a stray notebook and rising to his feet. He watched her for a moment. "Maria, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, everything's great," she lied, hoping Max wasn't as empathetic as she suspected.
"Because you seem a little shaken up," he added.
"No, no, I'm great. Really. I'm just psyched for psych," she said with a nervous laugh. Oh, my God, I can't believe I just said that, she thought, cringing inwardly.
Max studied her. Something weird is definitely going on here, he thought.
"Well, I'd better get inside," she said, and hurried into the room.
Max shook his head and followed her.
Liz felt a tap on her shoulder and she turned around. Maria handed her a note and Liz quickly unfolded it.
Meet me in the band room after 1st hour. It's important.
-Maria
Liz nodded and looked at her friend in concern. Maria's expression was impossible to read and Liz was too tired to try at the moment. She faced the guest speaker again.
"I was raped two years ago," the woman said. "By my ex-husband."
"Yeah, but you were married to the guy," Pam Troy said.
"Rape is rape," Maria spoke up, a touch of anger in her voice. "If you don't want to have sex with someone and they force you, that's rape, whether you used to be married to the guy or not."
"Yeah, but it's not as big a deal. I mean, she used to sleep with the guy, right?" Bruce Hinton argued.
"So what?" Isabel demanded. "Does that give him the right to force sex?"
"I don't think so," Maria responded, glaring at Bruce.
"Guess that all depends on your point of view. Bet all the guys in here have a different opinion," Bruce challenged. He looked at Michael. "Right, Guerin?"
"Not all of us," Michael answered, leaning back in his chair.
"What about you, Evans?"
The breath caught in the back of Liz's throat.
Max shook his head. "No way. If a girl says no, that's the end of the story. No means no. No one has the right to force someone to have sex against their will."
"And anyone who thinks differently needs to be dragged into the street and shot," Maria added.
"Or tortured to death," Michael said. He met Maria's gaze and she silently thanked him.
Isabel glanced over at Liz. Isabel could tell she was dangerously close to crying. She raised her hand.
"Yes?" the guest speaker asked.
"How do you help someone who's been assaulted?"
"Most victims are afraid to talk about their experience. Many are afraid of being blamed, or shunned. As you can see, public scrutiny for assault survivors runs high.
"Rape or sexual abuse rips away a person's sense of security. They're afraid to trust people, afraid they will be seen as dirty or tainted in the eyes of the people they love. As a friend, you can just let the survivor know that you're there if she needs to talk. It's important that you don't push her to make decisions until she's ready. You need to allow her to have a sense of control over her own life. It may take time, and a lot of it, but in the long run, if you allow her to make her own decisions, she'll be much better off."
Isabel nodded and shot a glance at Maria, who nodded ever so slightly.
Max noticed the exchange and wondered briefly what unspoken message had just passed between them. He forced himself to pay attention to the speaker again.
"Most of you probably know someone who's exeperienced some form of sexual assault in their lifetime. Maybe you've even experienced it first hand. The most important thing to remember is: it's never the victim's fault. The abuser took away your control. You couldn't do anything to stop him. Don't blame the victim. Don't blame yourself."
The bell rang.
Liz raced out the door.
Maria sprinted to keep up with her. "Liz, wait!" she commanded. She grabbed her friend's arm and pulled her into the empty band room. She closed the door behind them. Then she turned to face her. "Liz, I know everything," she blurted out.
Liz grew pale. "What," she whispered.
"I know about what your uncle did to you."
Liz dropped into a chair and closed her eyes.
"Liz, it wasn't your fault," Maria said.
Liz suddenly felt angry. "Who told you? Michael or Alex?"
Maria stared at her. "I-can't say."
"Who else knows? Isabel? Max?"
"I don't know."
"You can't tell anyone, Maria!"
Maria stared at her. "Liz, your uncle's staying at your house. What if he decides to--"
"I can take care of myself!" Liz snapped, leaping to her feet. She flung open the band room door and raced into the hallway. She waited by Alex's locker impatiently.
He came up a few minutes later. "Hey, Liz, how are you?"
"Did you tell Maria?" she asked immediately.
Alex blinked in surprise. "Of course not."
Liz took one look at him and knew beyond a doubt he was telling the truth. "It must have been Michael. God, I'm going to kill him!"
Liz turned around and stormed away. Alex stared after her.
Michael was standing at his locker when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around to see Maria standing there. "Oh, hey."
She glared at him, her eyes flashing. "We need to talk."
Michael had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. She all but dragged him to the janitor's closet before glaring and snapping, "Why didn't you tell me about Liz?"
Michael stared at her. "You know?"
Maria nodded. "And I want to know why you didn't tell me."
"Because Liz asked me not to."
"Since when do you do anything someone else says to?" Maria demanded. "Since when do you even care?"
"It's not like she told me, either. I-went into her dream. I thought she was getting ready to turn us in."
"Liz would never do that. And if you weren't so damned paranoid all the time, you'd know that."
Her words stung, and made him angry. "Yeah, well, if you were me, and there were hundreds of people wanting to experiment and exterminate you, you'd be paranoid, too!" he snapped.
"For your information, in case you've forgotten, Liz and I are in just as much danger here as the three of you!"
"Yeah, and for your information, if you hadn't stuck your noses where they didn't belong, you wouldn't be in danger!"
"You're right, but thne you'd be dead now, wouldn't you?"
"Like you'd care!"
Maria stared at him. "Michael, contrary to what you might think of me, I am not a horrible person and I don't want you dead!"
"I don't think you're a horrible person," he said quietly, meeting her eyes.
Maria looked away. Michael's gaze was too intense and she felt like he could see right through her.
"I didn't tell you because I was trying to keep my promise to Liz."
She looked up. "Liz needs help, Michael. She doesn't need help keeping secrets."
"It was a judgement call."
"Yeah. It was. A bad one." Maria turned and walked out. Michael stared after her. He didn't care what some human thought of him. So why did he suddenly feel like he'd been punched?
Liz couldn't sleep again. She tossed and turned, but was too afraid her uncle might come in her room and she wouldn't wake up in time, to actually go to sleep.
If I don't get some sleep, I'm not going to survive my Saturday shift at the Crashdown, let alone be awake enough to enjoy a movie with Max, she thought.
Then her mind became consumed by thoughts of Max. God, I wish he was here, she thought.
If only she could feel his arms around her, holding her, keeping her safe. Her heart ached. She needed him badly. She wasn't going to make it through the night if she didn't see him or at least hear his voice.
She didn't have the strength on her own.
Liz whimpered as tears filled her eyes and she buried her face in her pillow. She finally gave into her fear and reached for the telephone. She dialed the number she had memorized long ago.
He answered on the first ring. "Liz?"
She blinked in surprise. "How did you know--?"
"I don't know. I just did," he said softly. "Is everything all right?"
The concern in his voice was so sincere, Liz's eyes filled with tears again. "I just--needed to hear your voice."
Max heard the tremor in her voice. He had felt an intensely sharp pain just seconds before the phone had rang. He'd been feeling it every once in awhile, but it wasn't until the phone rang that he realized the feeling was coming from Liz. She was hurting. She was scared and alone and sad. It was a sadness that ran very, very deep. And Max felt it. "Liz," he whispered.
It was then that he could hear her crying. Ever-so-softly, because she was trying to hide it, but crying all the same. His heart broke.
Liz was shaking so badly, she could barely old onto the telephone receiver. Calling Max hadn't helped. It made her need to see him increase intensely. She couldn't believe what she was about to ask. "Max?"
"I'm here, Liz."
She struggled with herself to not ask what she wanted and in the end, she didn't have to.
"Why don't you come over, okay?" he asked.
"You don't mind?"
"Not at all. Do you need me to come and pick you up?"
"No, I'll walk. I'll be there in a little while."
They hung up the phone at the same time and Liz leapt out of bed. She grabbed a blue sweatshirt out of her closet and pulled it on over her t-shirt. She pulled on a pair of sweatpants. Then she hurried over to her window, climbed out, and stared at Alex in surprise.
"What are you--?" she began.
"Just making sure nothing happened."
She nodded, and then hugged him. "Thanks for being such a great friend."
He hugged her back. "Are you going to see Max?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"Because he's who you need the most," he answered. "You should tell him."
"I can't," she whispered. "Alex, I have to go." She hurried to the fire escape and climbed down. Then she ran all the way to Max's house.
Max heard the soft, hesitant knock on the window and he rose to his feet. He parted the curtains and opened his window. He reached out and helped her climb inside.
He enfolded her in his arms, pulling her head against his shoulder. "We'll get through it, Liz, whatever it is," he whispered, gently stroking her hair and the back of her neck.
"Can I stay here tonight?" she whispered.
"Yeah, sure," Max answered immediately. He let go of her long enough to close and lock the window. Then he wrapped his arms around her again. "You can have the bed. I'll take the floor. Do you want to talk for awhile?"
She shook her head and pulled away to look at him. "Max, can you just--can you just hold me tonight?"
He met her eyes and realized how hard it was for her to ask him this. He touched her cheek gently. "Well, if that's all you wanted, you certainly don't ask me to do anything difficult."
She smiled depite the fact that tears were forming in her eyes again. Liz climbed into his bed and he climbed in next to her. She laid her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her, resting one of his hands on her back and the other on the back of her head. Max rubbed her back gently.
"Thank you," she murmured softly.
"For what?" he asked in confusion.
"For being you. For making me feel safe."
He held her a little tighter. "I'll protect you if you'll let me," he whispered.
A tear rolled down her cheek. She buried her face in his shoulder as she felt the sobs forming in her throat.
"Liz, let it out," he whispered.
She shook her head, swallowing hard and making her throat sore for not crying. "If I do, I'll never stop, Max, and I'm afraid I'll drown."
"I'd save you," he told her softly.
"What if you couldn't?"
"Then I'd drown with you," he whispered back.
She relaxed in his arms as he stroked her hair gently. Before long, Liz slipped into the deepest sleep she'd ever experienced. And for the first time in a long time, Liz didn't have any nightmares.
Go to Part Seven