Chapter 9: the Fake Argument

Disclaimer:  all recognisable things in this story belong to the great JKR, and in no way do they belong to me. Nor do I intend to make any money out of this. Please don't sue me, I have no money.

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                A few days later, Remus woke up feeling very happy. He showered and got dressed very joyfully, humming to himself, then watched with anticipation as his four lazy friends got out of bed. As usual, Sirius had to shake Lily and James awake roughly. The two were curled around each other in James' bed; they always slept as close together as possible. Predictably, their identical first actions on waking up were to scream at each other and pull away as fast as possible, then swear at Sirius for waking them. It was a morning ritual whenever Lily chose to sleep in James' bed, and it made Remus even happier.

                "Wipe that unbearably smug grin off your face, damn early rising git."

"Morning to you too, Lil." 

They all hurried out of the dorm room, and Remus relaxed back on his bed, waiting for it to begin. He didn't have to wait for long.

"S IRIUS BLACK!" James yelled, from the direction of the showers.

"James Potter," Sirius mimicked in a high voice, then seconds later he bellowed,  "J AMES POTTER!" Remus laughed to himself. This was really too funny. From the showers he heard another raised voice. "James? Sirius? What have you done?" Peter squeaked loudly. By now, Remus was almost unable to control himself. He lost control completely when Lily stepped through the door.

                "JA MES! S IRIUS!" she screamed, and then took in Remus' laughing face. "Remus! It was you, wasn't it?" she accused.

"Shush," he laughed. "Wait 'til you see the others."

                With perfect timing James, Sirius and Peter burst through the door. James and Sirius were shouting at each other, and Peter simply looked terrified. The sight of them caused Remus to laugh so much that he fell backwards off his bed, and even Lily's angry frown twitched a bit.

                Lily's face was completely red, the arms poking out of her robes were red, and she looked like an oversized tomato in black clothing. But she was nothing to the boys. Peter had been stretched; he was about six foot tall and oddly distorted, and he didn't look like he liked his new, improved viewpoint at all. In fact, he looked sea sick. Sirius stood, glowering at James, in just his boxers, which was obviously as dressed as he had managed to get before he realised. "My hair!" he wailed. He was completely bald; all of his long, precious black hair had disappeared. It didn't help that Sirius was very vain of his hair. As for James, he stood gesturing furiously at Sirius with all of his hands. All eight of them.

                Suddenly Lily remembered why they were there. "You!" she shrieked, pointing at Remus' bed. "You did this!"

"Yes," giggled Remus from under the bed, "and it was so funny."

"And you are so dead." James threatened.

"My hair!" Sirius wailed again.

"Oh shut up," James snapped. "You can cover that up. I have eight arms."

"James, you have eight arms," Lily said.

"Really, Lily? I'd never have noticed."

"Ok, I wont say it now. My brilliant plan to get us out of this."

"Sorry, Lily, I'm sorry!" James pleaded.

"He's sorry," Peter added.

"Ok, then, go and beat up Remus with all those extra arms until he takes the spells off," Lily said with perfect logic.

Remus came back to earth with a bang. That was definitely a side effect he had not thought of. He sat up suddenly and banged his head on the bed.

"Ow. Ok, I'll take them off. No eight-armed beatings, ok?"

His friends glared at him as he performed the counter spells.

"I just thought it would help James with his Quidditch, that's all. And Sirius is really too vain of his hair," he explained. With a single glare his friends turned and left, uttering not a single word.

"Bollocks," Remus swore.

                They ignored him all through breakfast; Lily, James and Sirius with the single-mindedness only they could show, and Peter with an apologetic smile as he followed his heroes, with annoyed Remus even more than the others did. When they got to their first lesson, Potions, Professor Headley stopped them at the door. "We will be working with partners today," she said, with a sweet smile towards the Gryffindors. "When I call your name, go and sit with your partners.

                "Avery, with Pettigrew. Lestrange with Evans," Lestrange looked furious at this; he had never quite forgiven Lily for beating him up in their previous year.  "Nott with Potter, Rosier with Black, and Snape," she smiled warmly at her favourite student, "with Lupin."

"She's enjoying herself so much, isn't she?" Sirius whispered to James as he passed. Unfortunately, the professor heard him. 

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Black."

However, Sirius was right, Headley had enjoyed herself doing this. Evans with Lestrange was a good pairing: he hated her guts. Black and Rosier had the shortest tempers in the school, so a fight was only a matter of time, Avery would pick on Pettigrew perfectly, and Snape…. She had wanted to put Potter or Black with Snape, but genuinely feared lives would be lost. So Lupin, the quiet one, (quiet for them), had got Snape, and it would be interesting to see what happened there, while Potter was stuck with Nott, who was naturally annoying.  Headley couldn't wait for sparks to fly, as she watched eagerly for the success of her plan to make Gryffindor House loose points.

                "This project," she explained, "will take you right up to the end of term. I expect it to be handed in one day before the holidays begin." The Gryffindors grinned. "Your task is to research how to make a medium strength truth potion. Don't look so happy, Black; all such books are in the Restricted Section. You will have to this on your own. You may begin discussing your research," she smiled.

Headley watched the discussion. It did not turn out quite as she had hoped or expected.

                Lestrange turned to Lily. "Hello Evans," he said, a menacing smirk on his face.

"Hello Lestrange, or should I call you Mervyn? How are you today?" Lily asked brightly. "Lessons going ok? What's your favourite? Mines Charms, by the way, I just find it so easy…." As Lily chattered on, the look on Lestrange's face was a mixture of 'what's going on?', 'a Gryffindor is being nice', and 'oh my God! It's a pretty girl! How do I act?'. Lily grinned triumphantly.  She had thoroughly confused the boy. "Are you ok?" she asked. "You look a bit strange."

"I'm – I'm fine," Lestrange managed to choke out.

"Oh good," Lily said, and then continued to talk.

                Peter, meanwhile, was not letting Avery bully him; he was standing up for himself. Potter was snarling at Nott, telling him to shut up, and Nott was obeying, looking terrified, while even that lunatic Black seemed to have come to some sort of agreement with Evan Rosier, for they were completely ignoring each other. Headly was not amused.  As for Snape and Lupin…they were talking quietly, so quietly she couldn't hear.

                "What are we going to do about this project, Snape?" Remus asked.

"What do you mean, 'what are we going to do about it'?"

"Well, are we going to work together, or are we going to completely ignore each other, like Sirius and Rosier for example?"

"Work together, of course. I want to pass, you know." Remus wanted to say, you could anyway, you're a Slytherin, but for the sake of peace he restrained himself.  "Are you not talking to them?" Snape asked suddenly.

"No. We had an argument." And it's none of your business, he thought.

"It's just that, well, you know," Snape looked nervous.

"Yes?"

"If you ever need a friend, I'm here. I've always thought you were the nicest of the lot," Snape finished in a rush. Remus' face must have registered blank shock, like his mind, for Snape said quickly, "Sorry if I startled you."

"No, it's ok," Remus replied vaguely. His brain was working and there was only one thought there: revenge. If he became Snape's friend, think of what could be done with that truth potion…

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                "Quick, common room!" Remus yelled at his friends at break time.

"What?" they asked, too intrigued to remain angry. When they got to their dormitory, Remus finally slowed down, and consciously relaxed his breathing. "I – have – a – plan!" he gasped out, "for revenge!"

"What?" they all yelled, again.

"Listen to this." He told them what Snape had said in Potions, and his thoughts about it. By the end, James and Sirius looked like they were going to explode with happiness, but Lily looked unusually sombre.

"It's playing dirty," she said, and then grinned widely. "But they played dirty first. Let the games begin!"

***********************

                Unfortunately, the plan required some sacrifices on Remus' part. Obviously, he couldn't talk to his friends in public, so they compromised; Peter was no longer involved in the 'argument', and Remus worked with him in all their lessons. It did occur to him that Snape might be playing Remus along as much as Remus was playing him, but over the course of their short friendship, Remus became convinced that this was not the case. Snape seemed to genuinely like him. Occasionally this made him feel slightly guilty, but then he would think of a picture imprinted on his mind: a bruised and battered and very young-looking Sirius, crying in Lily's arms, and the reasons for the deception and the associated anger would come flooding back.

                He began to spend more and more time alone with his friends, usually in Kirrin, and the older students, with their mock exams to study for, breathed sighs of relief. The five just hoped that none of the Gryffindors would mention to a member of another house that that Remus Lupin was still the best of friends with the others in the privacy of the common room. Out of the common room, Remus could be seen more and more with Severus Snape.

                Remus had had to manufacture a much bigger argument to tell Snape about. He focused it on Sirius, knowing that Snape hated him the most, so he would believe whatever Remus told him.

"You really hate them, don't you?" Snape asked, as he and Remus walked to lunch behind Sirius, James and Lily, who were laughing at one of James' jokes. Despite the fact that he wanted nothing more than to be with his three friends rat that moment, Remus answered steadily, "Yes, I do. The bastards think so much of themselves."  He had discovered that this was what Snape hated most about them all. "And James is ten times worse since he got on the Quidditch team."

"Instead of going to lunch, and having to put up with them, do you want to go somewhere else?" Snape asked.

"Like where?" Remus asked, puzzled.

"The Slytherin common room. Or my room, if you're scared of the Slytherins."

Alarm bells rang through Remus' head. Did Snape really trust him this much, or was it an ambush? It didn't take Remus long to make up his mind, though. "Wait a moment while I tell Peter, then, I said I'd see him at lunch."

"Ok," Snape frowned, watching Peter, who was already sitting at the Gryffindor table.

"Hey Pete," Remus said quietly when he got there, "Snape's taking me to the Slytherin common room! Tell the others, ok?"

Peter looked positively terrified. "Re – Remus…" he stuttered.

"Just tell them, ok?" Remus snapped. He knew he was taking a risk, and he didn't need Peter to point it out to him. He grabbed up two bread rolls before crossing to Snape.  "Present," he said, handing one to Snape.

"Come quickly, then, the darlings are giving us dirty looks," Snape said, indicating the Gryffindor table with his head. It was true; Lily, James and Sirius were staring daggers at Snape and Remus. Presumably Peter had told them.

"I don't know why you're still friends with that Pettigrew," Snape said as they left the hall. "He just goes running to his darling Potter with everything you tell him."

"I have to have a friend in my own house, Sev," Remus said lightly.

"I suppose." Snape replied. He led Remus out of the Great Hall and down a passage towards the dungeons. It got steadily darker and darker as they went. Snape suddenly drew to a halt in front of a blank stonewall.

"Err, you might not like the password," he said uneasily. "'Death to Gryffindor'." A concealed door swung open, and Snape beckoned Remus into what was unmistakeably a dungeon, whether there were chairs and fireplaces there or not. It was mostly empty, as it was lunchtime, but the few students who were there gave Remus extremely nasty looks. Remus was glad to see that none of them were Lucius Malfoy, who had not looked pleased about Snape's friendship with him in the past few weeks. In fact, Malfoy looked like he was constantly itching to smash Remus' face in.

"Shall we go up to my room?" Snape said nervously.

"Yeah. What's with the password?"

"The House is angry that Gryffindor won the Quidditch, that's all."

"Oh, right, nothing then," Remus agreed sarcastically.

"Look, its not my fault, ok?"

"Sorry, sorry, it's just… I don't see why we always have to fight."

"At least we're friends."

"Yeah," Remus agreed, suppressing another pang of guilt. He followed Snape down some more stairs, and was surprised to find that when Snape had said 'his room', he meant it literally. He had a room to himself. Admittedly, it was small, but some people would do anything for this tiny bit of privacy.

"You've got your own room," Remus stuttered in shock.

"Yes, and?" Snape said, not understanding.

"We have dorms, that all."

"Oh. Well, Slytherins aren't afraid of the dark like little Gryffindor bunnies who all have to sleep together," Snape sneered.

"Shut up, Sevvy."

                Remus looked around. The room was furnished in greens and silvers, of course, but it was quite a nice room nevertheless, with a bed, tow chairs, a wardrobe and a bedside table. Being Snape's room, it also had a cauldron in the corner, though it was empty at the moment.

"What do you want to do?" Snape asked him.

What did Snape's do in their spare time, Remus wondered. They weren't like Sirius', they didn't like to make lots of noise, nor were they like James' and Lily's, who liked to argue or plan mischief together, and they definitely weren't like Peter's, who liked to sit quietly and watch others. He realised that he had no idea what Snape was interested in, other than Potions.

                "I don't know," he said eventually, "what do you want to do?"

"What about a game of wizard chess?" Snape asked.

"Cool!"

They spent an enjoyable lunchtime playing chess; or rather Remus thrashed Snape while Snape looked on grimly.  Remus fairly bounced down the corridor to Transfiguration when the bell rang. It was almost the weekend, which he could spend exclusively with his friends; he had won at chess; the full moon was two weeks away and he had been to the Slytherin Common Room! How jealous were his friends going to be?

"Whoa!" someone said as Remus crashed into him or her. He looked up. It was Sirius and he was just outside the classroom.

"Hey Siri," Remus said, throwing his arm around his friend to give him a hug. "I've been in the Slytherin Common Room!" He carried on into the room, while behind him Sirius wailed "NO FAIR!" like a spoiled child. In fact, Remus amended, exactly like a Sirius who hadn't got what he wanted. "Tell me," Sirius continued.

"Stop wailing like a baby and I will."

Sirius looked hurt, but shut up. James, Lily and Peter also crowded around, and listened attentively while Remus told his tale.

"Why you?" Lily moaned when he had finished.

"'Cos Snape likes me," Remus said smugly.

"Can't think why," Sirius muttered, still sulking.

"This is VERY valuable information, Sirius," James said sternly. "Think how useful it could be!"

"We could –"

"Right class, sit down," Professor McGonagall barked as she walked in and began the lesson.

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                They were all doing very well with their projects. At some point, Sirius had had the bright idea of looking in his 'Moste Potente Potions' book, which they had found in Kirrin last year. It contained the strongest known available Truth Potion, Veritaserum, but Sirius was a natural at Potions, and he was able to scale it down so it was much weaker. He and James could be seen with their heads bent over it most evenings, and with their help, Lily wasn't failing completely. Besides that, she had so completely charmed Mervyn Lestrange that he was doing most of the work; she needed only to copy his notes.

                Remus, of course, was having no trouble with his Potions partner, for Snape was the other expert on Potions in their year. Surprisingly, none of the others were having trouble either; Avery had stopped trying to bully Peter, and they now talked only when absolutely necessary, and the same was true of Sirius and Rosier. Lily still despised Lestrange, but he doted on her every word, and Nott did everything James told him to, he was so scared of the Gryffindors.   

                The time for testing the Potion was growing near. Remus had been having his fake argument with his friends for over four weeks, and his patience was wearing thin. Added to that, he was really beginning to despise Snape, as well as hating him. He proclaimed his hatred of the Gryffindors, especially Sirius, and he really did seem to hate them, yet he wanted nothing more than to be like them.

                "What shall I ask Snape when he's drunk the potion?" Remus asked one night, whilst they were in Kirrin.

"Whether Snape likes pussy-cats."

"Who he hates most."

"Who he fancies."

"What kind of underwear he wears."

"Ew, Sirius, I did not want that mental picture."

"Sorry, Lils, but wouldn't it be funny if they had little teddies on or something?"

"Yeah, that would be funny, actually."

"Anything else?" Remus asked patiently.

"Loads!"

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                The big day finally dawned, and it was James' birthday to top it all off. James got his cheerful teddy from Lily that morning, a big furry blue one by the name of Mars, and he didn't let go of it until he had to leave the dormitory. It also meant that Sirius was not talking to him; having got his teddy, James now refused to go searching through Lily's things for Sirius' one.

                Remus met up with Snape in an old classroom in the evening to try the Potion. It was due in the next day, and they were sure it would work, but Snape was Snape, and would take no chances.  What he didn't know was that Remus' four friends were hidden in the room; Peter in the darkened window and the others in suits of armour as far apart as possible. They knew that the slightest eye contact while Snape was talking would cost them all their self-control.

                Snape ladled two glassfuls of the Potion out of the cauldron.  "Bottoms up," he said to Remus, who merely sipped his, then tipped it back into the cauldron when Snape had his eyes shut from the taste.

"Well, Sev, I'll go first, shall I?" Remus asked cheerfully, without even the slightest of misgivings.

Authors Note:  he he, cliffhanger!  I'm mean, aren't I? The next chapter will be up soon, probably some time around Christmas, as I'll have more time then. For now, thanks to all who have reviewed in the past, and new ones are always a pleasure, flames included!