Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't own FF8 or anything else in this fic. All I own are my stories, a pencil, a broken stapler, a coaster, and a now empty can of orange soda.
A/N: Okay. Please try to maintain your sanity; I'm not responsible for it (or anything else) if it is lost due to this fic. BE FOREWARNED! This is the product of my out-of-control imagination and a very, very strange dream. So.....have fun! (Also, this fic contains a LOT of Zell, Irvine, and Fujin favoritism and slight Rinoa and Raijin bashing.)
Critters
It was an unusually dark and stormy night in Balamb and Zell was in a hurry to get back to garden, when his rental car broke down on the side of the road. "Damn it!" he shouted in frustration as he tried the ignition in several futile attempts to get the car started again. Sighing, he switched on the emergency lights, headlights, and the interior light, which promptly burned out with a loud crackle and left poor Zell in the dark. Muttering some profanities under his breath, he slid over the seat and opened the glove compartment and found, much to his relief, a flashlight. Clicking it on, he looked at the interior light which had oh-so-conveniently burnt out with a good measure of quiet frustration. "Great," he mumbled, "stuck on a road in the middle of nowhere during one of the worst storms in history!" This was, of course, and exaggeration. Though he was exactly five miles from both Balamb and Garden, he was a much shorter distance from a pair of disgruntled T-Rexaurs, moving silently across the small expanse of grassland on the island.
Almost immediately, the two monstrous creatures took notice of Zell's clunky little rental car with its head lights glaring brightly against the pouring rain. Zell, however, was too busy cursing his bad luck to take notice of the two huge shadows moving toward him. When he did take notice, it was by accident when he dropped the flashlight on the dashboard, with the meek little beam of light shining on a huge, green-yellow eye in the driver's side window. "This just isn't my day...," Zell said in a quiet whisper, as if being quiet would help remedy the dinosaurs' sudden interest in the car's headlights. Sadly, it was not to be. With a sudden, rough jolt, the tiny vehicle's front headlights winked out and, as if being in total darkness with a pair of disgruntled T-Rexaurs isn't enough, came crashing back down on what remained of the hood from the monster's great and powerful jaws. Zell did what any sane person alone in total darkness with a pair of disgruntled T-Rexaurs would do. He screamed.
Doing this, he calmly screamed again. Then once more for good measure. The T-Rexaurs, seemingly having a great time, roared loudly in reply and jostled the crippled automobile with their snouts. Zell, jostled, lashed out for anything to hold on to in a frantic attempt to not panic. In his lashes, he struck the radio and it started blaring "Oops, I Did It Again" by the oh-so-loathed Brittany Spears at full volume. The T-Rexaurs stopped in mid-jostle, looked at each other with wide eyes, looked at the car with wide eyes, looked at each other, and decided a speedy retreat was in order. Clearly out-matched, the two gigantic reptiles careered across the plains, trying, and not succeeding, to cover their ears from the hideous sounds of Brittany Spears, and soon were trembling in disturbed silence in the farthest forest from the car's radio.
Zell, after struggling to extinguish the hellish screeches from the radio, slumped back into his seat and tried to figure out what to do. After a good fifteen minutes of looking out the windows at the storm, looking out the windows at the damaged front end of the car, and looking back out the windows at the storm, he came to a conclusion, which was this. He would stay in the car until the storm cleared and walk back to Balamb Garden. Since the storm showed no signs of subsiding any time soon, he decided he better try to get some sleep. Using the flashlight, he stole a few quick glances out the windows, then settled into the back seat under a conveniently placed blanket and went to sleep.
Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, Zell woke. He stretched, yawned, stretched some more, yawned again, stretched a final time, and looked out the window. For a moment he forgot where he was and sat, quietly, in the back seat while his brain told him what had happened the night before. Looking out the windows once more, he noticed the visibility was near zero. The entire island was blanketed by thick fog, as if the storm clouds decided to camp out on the ground and rest. Zell, quietly, slowly, and armed with a nearly burnt out flashlight, opened the rear passenger side door and looked around. All he could see was the ground directly in front of his feet, and barely that. He walked over to the rearview mirror and tried desperately to sort out his badly mangled hair, but gave up almost immediately. He sighed, looked around again, and said to himself, "How am I going to get back to Garden when I can't even see two feet in front of my face?" As if to answer his question, a mysterious and very odd sound came from the mist in the ditch to his right. It said, "Neeb."
"What in the world was that?" Zell said, turning toward the direction of the sound. And, again, in reply, came, "Neeb."
"I don't remember any kind of monster near Balamb that says 'neeb'," Zell thought aloud, "Maybe it's some new monster..."
"Neeb."
"Er....was that a yes?"
"Neeb."
"Can you hear me?"
"Neeb."
"Can you understand me?"
"Neeb."
The conversation was, clearly, not going anywhere, so Zell tried a different approach. He moved ever so slightly in the direction of the sound, and said, "If you can understand what I'm saying, make, er...one 'neeb' for yes and two for know. Ok?"
"Neeb."
"Ok then...um...do you see me?"
"Neeb neeb."
"Hey, it works! I'm communicating with a monster!"
"Neeb."
"Ok, I'm...um...coming toward you, so...stay where you are. Ok?" Zell said, with the tone of fascination and some apprehension, in his voice. After hearing the "neeb" once more, he made his way down into the ditch, slipping occasionally in the wet, muddy grass that sloped steeply downward.
After what seemed like an eternity, Zell finally made it to the somewhat level ground at the bottom of the ditch and looked around. Before he could take a single step, however, he was suddenly aware of something attached to his left leg. He looked down. And, sure enough, there was something attached to his left leg. It was small, roughly the size of a Welsh Corgy, green, had what appeared to be -- and indeed, was -- a flat, spade-shaped leaf on its head, and two big, blue, puppy-dog eyes that gazed into Zell's with trust and hope. It opened its tiny, w-shaped mouth and said, "Neeb."
Zell's heart melted. Then, remembering it was, somewhat, an important part of Zell, it reformed and resumed its job of keep Zell alive. He reached down with a trembling hand and patted the little creature's head, to which it responded with "Neeb," and crawled up Zell's leg, up his back, and settling on his right shoulder. He was somewhat stunned to notice the adorable little monster had no feet, but instead, a soft, rubbery, slug-like body (only without the annoying slug slime), which acted like a suction cup and, thus, allowed the tiny green critter to stick firmly to any surface.
Zell smiled and started to walk back out of the ditch, when the little creature flung itself off his shoulder and landed with a quiet swish in a small puddle behind him. It turned around, glanced back at Zell, and shuffled off into the mist and calling out "neeb" to try to get Zell to follow it. He did. To Zell's surprise, the little green animal sat quietly next to a soggy, cardboard box. It was not the little animal sitting next to the box, nor the box itself, which surprised Zell. It was what sat inside the box that rendered him speechless.
Sitting inside the soggy, cardboard box were ten eggs, each a slightly different size, and very different colors. Zell's mouth hung open. Then closed when it realized it had nothing to say. All the adorable little monster did was look from the box, to Zell, to the box, and to Zell again, all the while flashing its adorably cute puppy-dog eyes at him. Zell scratched his chin in thought. "Gee, that little guy sure is cute, but if those are its brothers and sisters in there, what should I do?" he thought to himself, "I could take them back to Garden with me, but what would the Headmaster say? Are we allowed to keep pets? Well, Rinoa has Angelo, but what about adorably cute little monsters and monster eggs? Hmmmm......" he continued. Zell was completely at a loss. He didn't feel he could just leave the eggs, or that adorably cute little monster, out here to freeze or starve or get run over by Seifer. He looked at the box of eggs and the adorably cute little monster sitting next to it. He thought. He sighed. He thought some more. He ran a hand through his badly matted hair and tried to think of something, but it seemed his only two options were to leave the little, defenseless creatures here to the mercy of nature, or take them all back with him and try to talk Cid into letting him keep the adorable little monster, and the eggs, at least until they hatched.
But, it was just then that his train of thought was interrupted. Not for from him, he could hear the roars of, what sounded like, two very large and disgruntled T-Rexaurs. As if to add to the already ominous and mysteriousness of it all, the mists gave way to two, huge, T-Rexaur shaped shadows thundering toward him. One stopped at the rental car and immediately began tearing at it in venting the pent-up anger from the previous night's defeat. The other, and larger, of the two was walking straight toward him. Whatever Zell decided to do, he'd have to decide quickly. The T-Rexaur didn't look like it was ready to sit and wait for him to come up with an answer....
To be continued.....
And that's where we end! Mwahahaha! So, what didja think? Any good? Hehe, if it sounded a bit repetitive, it's because I'm using the humorous writing style of Douglas Adams's "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and the other four books in the trilogy. I don't own any of it, like I said before, so don't sue me!
On another note, review! I need some help from you, the readers, before I can continue, however. What should Zell do? Should he take the eggs and adorably cute little monster with him and fight the T-Rexaurs off, or should he abandon them to their fate and run away? You decide what happens in the next chapter of this humorous horror fic, "Critters." Don't let me down!
A/N: Okay. Please try to maintain your sanity; I'm not responsible for it (or anything else) if it is lost due to this fic. BE FOREWARNED! This is the product of my out-of-control imagination and a very, very strange dream. So.....have fun! (Also, this fic contains a LOT of Zell, Irvine, and Fujin favoritism and slight Rinoa and Raijin bashing.)
Critters
It was an unusually dark and stormy night in Balamb and Zell was in a hurry to get back to garden, when his rental car broke down on the side of the road. "Damn it!" he shouted in frustration as he tried the ignition in several futile attempts to get the car started again. Sighing, he switched on the emergency lights, headlights, and the interior light, which promptly burned out with a loud crackle and left poor Zell in the dark. Muttering some profanities under his breath, he slid over the seat and opened the glove compartment and found, much to his relief, a flashlight. Clicking it on, he looked at the interior light which had oh-so-conveniently burnt out with a good measure of quiet frustration. "Great," he mumbled, "stuck on a road in the middle of nowhere during one of the worst storms in history!" This was, of course, and exaggeration. Though he was exactly five miles from both Balamb and Garden, he was a much shorter distance from a pair of disgruntled T-Rexaurs, moving silently across the small expanse of grassland on the island.
Almost immediately, the two monstrous creatures took notice of Zell's clunky little rental car with its head lights glaring brightly against the pouring rain. Zell, however, was too busy cursing his bad luck to take notice of the two huge shadows moving toward him. When he did take notice, it was by accident when he dropped the flashlight on the dashboard, with the meek little beam of light shining on a huge, green-yellow eye in the driver's side window. "This just isn't my day...," Zell said in a quiet whisper, as if being quiet would help remedy the dinosaurs' sudden interest in the car's headlights. Sadly, it was not to be. With a sudden, rough jolt, the tiny vehicle's front headlights winked out and, as if being in total darkness with a pair of disgruntled T-Rexaurs isn't enough, came crashing back down on what remained of the hood from the monster's great and powerful jaws. Zell did what any sane person alone in total darkness with a pair of disgruntled T-Rexaurs would do. He screamed.
Doing this, he calmly screamed again. Then once more for good measure. The T-Rexaurs, seemingly having a great time, roared loudly in reply and jostled the crippled automobile with their snouts. Zell, jostled, lashed out for anything to hold on to in a frantic attempt to not panic. In his lashes, he struck the radio and it started blaring "Oops, I Did It Again" by the oh-so-loathed Brittany Spears at full volume. The T-Rexaurs stopped in mid-jostle, looked at each other with wide eyes, looked at the car with wide eyes, looked at each other, and decided a speedy retreat was in order. Clearly out-matched, the two gigantic reptiles careered across the plains, trying, and not succeeding, to cover their ears from the hideous sounds of Brittany Spears, and soon were trembling in disturbed silence in the farthest forest from the car's radio.
Zell, after struggling to extinguish the hellish screeches from the radio, slumped back into his seat and tried to figure out what to do. After a good fifteen minutes of looking out the windows at the storm, looking out the windows at the damaged front end of the car, and looking back out the windows at the storm, he came to a conclusion, which was this. He would stay in the car until the storm cleared and walk back to Balamb Garden. Since the storm showed no signs of subsiding any time soon, he decided he better try to get some sleep. Using the flashlight, he stole a few quick glances out the windows, then settled into the back seat under a conveniently placed blanket and went to sleep.
Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, Zell woke. He stretched, yawned, stretched some more, yawned again, stretched a final time, and looked out the window. For a moment he forgot where he was and sat, quietly, in the back seat while his brain told him what had happened the night before. Looking out the windows once more, he noticed the visibility was near zero. The entire island was blanketed by thick fog, as if the storm clouds decided to camp out on the ground and rest. Zell, quietly, slowly, and armed with a nearly burnt out flashlight, opened the rear passenger side door and looked around. All he could see was the ground directly in front of his feet, and barely that. He walked over to the rearview mirror and tried desperately to sort out his badly mangled hair, but gave up almost immediately. He sighed, looked around again, and said to himself, "How am I going to get back to Garden when I can't even see two feet in front of my face?" As if to answer his question, a mysterious and very odd sound came from the mist in the ditch to his right. It said, "Neeb."
"What in the world was that?" Zell said, turning toward the direction of the sound. And, again, in reply, came, "Neeb."
"I don't remember any kind of monster near Balamb that says 'neeb'," Zell thought aloud, "Maybe it's some new monster..."
"Neeb."
"Er....was that a yes?"
"Neeb."
"Can you hear me?"
"Neeb."
"Can you understand me?"
"Neeb."
The conversation was, clearly, not going anywhere, so Zell tried a different approach. He moved ever so slightly in the direction of the sound, and said, "If you can understand what I'm saying, make, er...one 'neeb' for yes and two for know. Ok?"
"Neeb."
"Ok then...um...do you see me?"
"Neeb neeb."
"Hey, it works! I'm communicating with a monster!"
"Neeb."
"Ok, I'm...um...coming toward you, so...stay where you are. Ok?" Zell said, with the tone of fascination and some apprehension, in his voice. After hearing the "neeb" once more, he made his way down into the ditch, slipping occasionally in the wet, muddy grass that sloped steeply downward.
After what seemed like an eternity, Zell finally made it to the somewhat level ground at the bottom of the ditch and looked around. Before he could take a single step, however, he was suddenly aware of something attached to his left leg. He looked down. And, sure enough, there was something attached to his left leg. It was small, roughly the size of a Welsh Corgy, green, had what appeared to be -- and indeed, was -- a flat, spade-shaped leaf on its head, and two big, blue, puppy-dog eyes that gazed into Zell's with trust and hope. It opened its tiny, w-shaped mouth and said, "Neeb."
Zell's heart melted. Then, remembering it was, somewhat, an important part of Zell, it reformed and resumed its job of keep Zell alive. He reached down with a trembling hand and patted the little creature's head, to which it responded with "Neeb," and crawled up Zell's leg, up his back, and settling on his right shoulder. He was somewhat stunned to notice the adorable little monster had no feet, but instead, a soft, rubbery, slug-like body (only without the annoying slug slime), which acted like a suction cup and, thus, allowed the tiny green critter to stick firmly to any surface.
Zell smiled and started to walk back out of the ditch, when the little creature flung itself off his shoulder and landed with a quiet swish in a small puddle behind him. It turned around, glanced back at Zell, and shuffled off into the mist and calling out "neeb" to try to get Zell to follow it. He did. To Zell's surprise, the little green animal sat quietly next to a soggy, cardboard box. It was not the little animal sitting next to the box, nor the box itself, which surprised Zell. It was what sat inside the box that rendered him speechless.
Sitting inside the soggy, cardboard box were ten eggs, each a slightly different size, and very different colors. Zell's mouth hung open. Then closed when it realized it had nothing to say. All the adorable little monster did was look from the box, to Zell, to the box, and to Zell again, all the while flashing its adorably cute puppy-dog eyes at him. Zell scratched his chin in thought. "Gee, that little guy sure is cute, but if those are its brothers and sisters in there, what should I do?" he thought to himself, "I could take them back to Garden with me, but what would the Headmaster say? Are we allowed to keep pets? Well, Rinoa has Angelo, but what about adorably cute little monsters and monster eggs? Hmmmm......" he continued. Zell was completely at a loss. He didn't feel he could just leave the eggs, or that adorably cute little monster, out here to freeze or starve or get run over by Seifer. He looked at the box of eggs and the adorably cute little monster sitting next to it. He thought. He sighed. He thought some more. He ran a hand through his badly matted hair and tried to think of something, but it seemed his only two options were to leave the little, defenseless creatures here to the mercy of nature, or take them all back with him and try to talk Cid into letting him keep the adorable little monster, and the eggs, at least until they hatched.
But, it was just then that his train of thought was interrupted. Not for from him, he could hear the roars of, what sounded like, two very large and disgruntled T-Rexaurs. As if to add to the already ominous and mysteriousness of it all, the mists gave way to two, huge, T-Rexaur shaped shadows thundering toward him. One stopped at the rental car and immediately began tearing at it in venting the pent-up anger from the previous night's defeat. The other, and larger, of the two was walking straight toward him. Whatever Zell decided to do, he'd have to decide quickly. The T-Rexaur didn't look like it was ready to sit and wait for him to come up with an answer....
To be continued.....
And that's where we end! Mwahahaha! So, what didja think? Any good? Hehe, if it sounded a bit repetitive, it's because I'm using the humorous writing style of Douglas Adams's "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and the other four books in the trilogy. I don't own any of it, like I said before, so don't sue me!
On another note, review! I need some help from you, the readers, before I can continue, however. What should Zell do? Should he take the eggs and adorably cute little monster with him and fight the T-Rexaurs off, or should he abandon them to their fate and run away? You decide what happens in the next chapter of this humorous horror fic, "Critters." Don't let me down!