(Chapter 12. November 16-20. Olivia's office and physical therapy.)
Olivia, Mark, and Davis were gathered in Olivia's office discussing the possibility of sending Steve home in time for Thanksgiving. He didn't know the meeting was being held. If they decided he was ready to go home, they wanted it to be a nice surprise; and if they decided he needed to stay a while longer, they didn't want him to be discouraged. For Olivia it was a tough decision, and since she was his doctor, Mark and Davis had to convince her.
"The worst thing we can do is send him home too soon," Olivia said.
"I know, Doc," Davis agreed, "But I'm telling you, he's ready. I know you've been monitoring his progress, but if you'd been spending more time with him one-on-one, you'd know he doesn't need to be here any more. He can dress, bathe, and maneuver around obstacles. It would be almost as bad to keep him too long. He told me about his goals, Doc, and I think if we can keep him on track, sending him home will be our best guarantee for a full recovery."
"I can take off as long as necessary to help him adjust, Olivia," Mark promised, "And Jesse and Amanda have offered to help any time we need it."
"Well, all the bones are healed," Olivia conceded. "Mark, where's he going to stay? He won't be able to climb the steps to that downstairs apartment all the time."
"Jesse helped me set most of his things up in the guest room upstairs. He'll be very comfortable there until he's able to move back down to his own place."
Olivia nodded. "Davis, in your opinion, are there any concerns whatsoever about sending him home?"
"None. I might worry about his over-doing it, but frankly, I think he'll wear himself out before he injures himself."
Olivia looked at Mark, "You know him best. Do you concur?"
"Yes, I've talked to him about this before, and he understands. He knows how to recognize his limits while still doing as much as he can."
Olivia nodded again. "I'll check in on him today, and I'll look in on therapy Monday and Tuesday. If I am satisfied with what I see, I'll examine him Tuesday afternoon, and if everything checks out, I'll send him home Wednesday morning."
"Ok, then it's settled," Davis said.
"Great," Mark said, "I'm going to invite Jesse and Amanda to Thanksgiving dinner. Davis, Liv, I'd be delighted to have you both there."
Davis smiled and shook his head. "It would be an honor, Doc, but my mom wants me home in Pennsylvania."
"Pennsylvania? I didn't know that's where you were from."
Davis chuckled. "You never asked, and I never told. Fact is, that's where I met Doc Regis. I was one of her first patients when she came home. I've been following her around for...just over five years now. I figured working with her would be good for my career. Next year I plan to go back east and reapply to med-school. I had to quit years ago when my dad died, and I've been saving ever since to go back. I figure a glowing reference from the Doc here will pretty much guarantee me a spot."
Mark grinned, "No kidding. Well, not that you'll need it with Olivia's recommendation, but I'd be pleased to write a letter of reference for you if you like."
"I'd appreciate that. I'll look you up when I start applying."
"Liv, how about you? Will you be there for turkey and all the trimmings?"
"I'll have to think about it, Mark," she said, distractedly, "but thank you for the invitation." Looking at her wrist where a watch should have been, Olivia decided it was time to break up the meeting. "Well, gentlemen," she said, standing as she spoke. "I have rounds to attend to, and Davis, I am sure you have a patient waiting for you."
Mark and Davis stood as well, and, as they moved toward the door, she asked them, "Let's keep this between us until I examine Steve, ok?"
"Sure thing, Docs." Davis agreed. "See you both around."
"Bye, Davis," Mark said, but he made no move to leave. When the younger man was gone, he turned to Olivia and said, "Liv sit down. We need to talk."
"Mark, I know what it's about, and I don't want to discuss it."
"I'm not giving you a choice," Mark insisted, "You are my son's doctor, and from what he tells me, he's barely seen you in the past three weeks."
Olivia sighed, and sat behind her desk. "I have been looking in on him, and I've kept my promise to you about asking every day if you can come see him in PT. Davis tells me he keeps saying no."
"What about your promise to take good care of him for me?" Mark questioned gently.
Olivia responded defensively. "I've been checking his charts and speaking with Davis and his nurses. I am fully aware of his condition, Mark."
"It's not the same as actually talking to your patient, Liv, and you know it."
"Mark, I can't see him right now."
"He told me about what happened between you. He says he's sorry. He never expected it to upset you so much."
Olivia sat silently for several moments, making a decision. Finally, she looked at the clock, looked at Mark, and said, "There's quite a long story behind it, a lot that Steve doesn't know. Have you got a couple hours?"
Mark nodded. "If it will help you two work things out, yes. He thinks very highly of you, Liv, and he's hurt that you don't come by to look in on him like you did before."
Olivia motioned Mark to shut the office door. She took a deep, calming breath and began. "What I am about to tell you will be protected under doctor-patient confidentiality, Mark. That morning at your house when you examined me, you really had no idea what you were dealing with. Now I am going to tell you, but it stays in this office, ok?"
Mark nodded.
"It all started over 20 years ago. I was just twelve years old...."
Over an hour later, Olivia blew her nose again, and told Mark, "My life has been a battle for so long now. I have good days and bad days, and for the past ten years or so, the good days have greatly outnumbered the bad ones. I like Steve a lot, but I cannot, I will not, be pushed. I can't handle it."
"I understand, now, Olivia. Your story explains so many things I have noticed about you."
"Like what, Mark?"
Mark thought for a moment, and then came up with a good example. "All of the family photos at your house and in your office are old, from the seventies; and when you talk about your family, it's always about the distant past, never something that happened just last week."
Olivia frowned. "I never realized that. Has anyone else noticed?"
"Not that I know of," Mark told her. "Sometimes Jesse can tell when you're having a bad day, and Amanda thinks it's kind of weird that you never stop by her lab to say hello; but other than that, I don't think so. Steve's been too concerned with recovering to have a clue. He doesn't know any of this. You have to tell him something."
Olivia shook her head. "I can't do that right now, Mark. Tell him I'll see him next week. I'll explain what I can then, but it might not be much."
Mark agreed, and said, "If you're going to be involved, you need to tell him the whole story."
"Mark, if we get serious, I won't let him go into anything blind. If it gets too intense, I will tell him everything. I won't let him be hurt. I promise."
"If there is one thing I have learned about you in the past three months, Olivia, it's that you keep your promises," Mark conceded, "but you have to realize, my son sometimes wears his heart on his sleeve. He is already serious, and he's already been hurt."
"I'll protect him as much as I can, but I have to take care of myself, too."
"I understand, that, Liv, but please, be careful with my son."
"I'll do my best, Mark."
As she had agreed in her meeting with Davis and Mark, Olivia checked in on Steve during therapy Monday. She found he was making good progress and could actually walk quite well and quite far with a walker. He kept his distance from her, but once, when they made eye contact, he nodded a greeting. Olivia found herself looking forward to seeing him Tuesday afternoon, and she had to wonder if he felt the same.
When she stopped by PT Tuesday morning, Steve approached her. It seemed he had trouble looking her in the eye, but he asked her, "When should I come by your office?"
"Davis will bring you around after PT. By the way, you're looking good."
Steve smiled slightly and said, "Thanks. I'm glad you noticed. I've been working hard."
The silence between them became uncomfortable.
"Well," Olivia said, looking at her wrist even though she wasn't wearing a watch, "I need to go. I'll see you around three."
"Yeah," Steve agreed, "See you then." He turned around and headed back to the mats where he'd been exercising.
Olivia watched Steve walk away, and felt her heart soften. She knew she had fallen hard for him, and Mark had assured her that Steve cared as deeply for her. She was tremendously fond of his father and friends. She just didn't know if she was ready to let her heart go after all this time.
She stepped into the hall and found herself shaking. The prospect of a happy future was rather frightening. She had lost so much in the past that she was afraid to care, but she was also tired of being alone. No friends, no family. She made a decision. She came to California to start over one more time. This time it would be a good beginning with a happy ending.
With that resolution made, she started her rounds.
Steve was awfully uneasy about seeing Olivia this afternoon. Almost from the day he'd met her, he had known there was something terrible in her past, but he'd had no idea one kiss, even if it was uninvited, would upset her so much. He hoped they would be able to talk about it after the examination, but he wasn't sure if they would. He didn't know where he stood with her anymore, and it really disturbed him. She'd taken very good care of him, and he was grateful, but sometimes he wished she wasn't his doctor. He wanted a more personal relationship with her, and she wouldn't allow it. When Davis wheeled him into her office, he was still worrying over what the meeting might bring.
"Hello, Steve! How was physical therapy today?"
She was as friendly as ever, but it seemed forced. The smile didn't light up her eyes. Oh great, he had pissed her off, or worse yet, driven her off.
"It's hard work, but it's paying off," he said cautiously.
"I can see that. How have you been feeling? Any pain?"
"Well, some days are better than others. The pain medication you prescribed works wonders."
Olivia smiled; again, there was no light in her eyes. "I had a feeling it would. Did Davis tell you I am going to examine you today?"
"Yeah, he did."
"Ok. There's an open exam room just down the hall, do you want me to take you there or do you want to go there on your own?"
"I, uh, I'd really appreciate a push. I'm worn out from PT today."
"Ok. Not a problem." Olivia came around the desk and took the handles on the back of Steve's chair. As she pushed him down the hall, she said, "I just need to do a check-up to evaluate your progress for the study. Then I'll get you back to your room so you can rest."
In the exam room, she handed him a gown and said, "I'll give you some privacy to change. If you need anything, the call button's right here." She indicated the buzzer that would summon help if he needed it and stepped out of the room and shut the door behind her.
With trembling hands, Steve undid his jeans and shirt. The room was freezing, but that wasn't the reason he was shaking. He really wanted to make up with Olivia. Until he had spoken with her in PT that morning, he hadn't realized how much he missed her. Now he just wanted her back. Suddenly, he laughed. It was ironic how much he felt the loss of her presence when they hadn't even had so much as a single date. When he had the gown on, he buzzed for Olivia. He didn't want to sit there and shiver until she came back in.
"Everything ok?" she asked as she peeked in.
"Yeah, I just wanted you to know I was ready."
"Oh, ok."
Olivia had him do a few basic exercises and demonstrate how he got around with a walker, and then she helped him up onto the examination table. First, she checked out the wounds on his legs and said they were fully healed. She had him push against her hand with each foot to test his strength and told him she was pleased with his progress. Then, when she started to lift the gown, he caught her hands.
"Liv, what are you doing?" He suddenly felt embarrassed about his scars again. He hadn't worried about them since the day she brought him the clothes for therapy. After she'd run from him, he hadn't ever expected her to see him again, much less see as much of him as she was about to.
"I want to see how the other wounds have healed."
"I can tell you that they have all healed fine, Liv."
She pulled her hands loose and gently put them over his. "Steve," she said softly, "I already know what I'm going to see. You don't have to be self- conscious. It's not a big deal."
As her hands rested on his, that feeling of warmth suddenly flooded back. Like the day he'd helped her unpack, and like all the times over the past three months when he'd been afraid, angry, and frustrated, her touch fixed everything. It moved him to think that this small, gentle woman could take everything that was wrong and make it right for him again. She was something special, and he had to get her back. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her. Tears sprang, unbidden, to his eyes. He blinked them back, afraid that she'd misinterpret them.
"That's what was on your mind, wasn't it?" she asked. "The day you didn't want to tell me about it and you made me leave while you changed."
He nodded. "I look really bad, Liv."
"Steve," she said patiently, "I'm a surgeon. I see wounds and scars and worse all the time."
"I know...it's just...it's hard, you know?"
"It'll be ok, Steve. I need to see."
He let his hands fall away and closed his eyes as she lifted the gown.
"The stoma and the surgical incision have healed beautifully," she commented. "Now I need to check the wounds in your pelvis."
Steve felt her fingers at the waistband of his shorts and he froze. Even his breathing stopped. He felt sure this was going to be a humiliating experience. He'd always been quite modest and now he was going to be fully exposed. He felt the blush rise in his face.
"Ok, roll over so I can check the exit wound."
"That's it?" he said in consternation.
"Yep, why?" She looked him in the eye and asked, "What did you think I was going to do, yank them down to your knees?"
"Well," Steve hesitated to answer, but he couldn't lie, "Yeah."
She lowered the hospital gown and became very serious. "Because of what happened? The kiss?"
"You seemed pretty mad at me."
"Steve, I'm not like that." She took his hand. "First of all, I'm not angry. Even if I was, I'm not a vindictive person. It's just not in me." Caressing his cheek, she continued. "It might be bragging to say so, but I'm also a very good doctor, and I wouldn't embarrass any patient like that." She smiled, and this time it lit up her eyes. "And you're not just any patient. Now roll over and we can get this over with."
Steve rolled over, and she finished her examination. She helped him down from the table and back into his wheelchair.
"I'm sending you home tomorrow morning."
Suddenly the blood was rushing in Steve's ears. He couldn't believe what he had heard. He had given up hope of making it home by Thanksgiving.
"Can you say that again?"
"I'm sending you home tomorrow morning."
He let out a whoop of joy. "You mean it? Tomorrow? I can go home? Really? Oh, God! Thank you, Liv. Thank you."
Olivia laughed out loud to see his joy. It had been quite some time since she'd made a patient so happy. It warmed her heart.
Suddenly he became serious again. "Liv, Dad said we were probably going to talk about...what happened...when..."
She put a hand on his shoulder and told him, "Steve, enjoy today. Be happy you're going home. Anything I have to say can wait another twenty four hours."
"I just don't want you to go away again, Liv." He took a deep breath, surprised at what he was about to say, but knowing it was true. "I think I love you, Olivia, and I have missed you every minute you haven't been with me these past three weeks. I don't know why I upset you so much, and I would do anything to take it back. I hope you can forgive me for what I did, and I hope you can give me, and us, another chance." There, he'd said it, and his heart was racing.
Olivia was dumbfounded; "Steve, I…I can't talk about this here. I am a doctor…you are my patient…I work here, Steve." She listed her reasons like they were a mantra. "This…isn't right. It can't be."
"Then we need to change it, Liv. I care about you too much to let hospital rules get in the way."
"What?! No! Not while I'm your doctor." There was an odd expression on her face, a sort of panic mingled with disgust.
Steve's heart sank; she'd panicked when he'd said he loved her, just like when he'd kissed her. The frightened animal was back. He couldn't let her run away this time.
"Liv, please…"
"No! No way. I have got to draw those lines to do my job. We'll talk about us…later."
He nodded his agreement. If he had to play by her rules, so be it. As long as he was still in the game, he would do as she asked.
"I … I'm turning your case over to another doctor."
"What?!? Why?"
She closed her eyes and breathed deeply for several moments. When she opened her eyes, her calm had returned. She no longer had that deer-in-the- headlights look.
"Relax, Steve," she smiled, "I think you'll like him. He's a real sweet kid, and very bright."
Steve smiled back uneasily. It was eerie how quickly she could shift gears. "Jesse."
Olivia nodded. "I, uh," she couldn't hold his gaze, "I'll explain why tomorrow."
"Is it because you have feelings for me?"
She just shrugged, and said, "We'll talk tomorrow. You have a right to know what you're getting into before you go too far to turn back."
With those ominous words, she left the examination room.
A moment later, Jesse came in and asked, "Steve, what did you say to Olivia?"
"I'm not sure, it was kind of a weird conversation. Why, Jess?"
"Because when she came out of here, she was crying."
"Well, she said I had a right to know what I was getting into before I had gone too far to turn back. What do you suppose she could mean by that?"
"I don't know, Steve. Your dad told me you two were getting serious. Maybe she's just scared. At any rate, you'll know when she's ready to tell you. Until then, let's get you back to your room and get your things packed. Tomorrow is a big day for you."
Olivia, Mark, and Davis were gathered in Olivia's office discussing the possibility of sending Steve home in time for Thanksgiving. He didn't know the meeting was being held. If they decided he was ready to go home, they wanted it to be a nice surprise; and if they decided he needed to stay a while longer, they didn't want him to be discouraged. For Olivia it was a tough decision, and since she was his doctor, Mark and Davis had to convince her.
"The worst thing we can do is send him home too soon," Olivia said.
"I know, Doc," Davis agreed, "But I'm telling you, he's ready. I know you've been monitoring his progress, but if you'd been spending more time with him one-on-one, you'd know he doesn't need to be here any more. He can dress, bathe, and maneuver around obstacles. It would be almost as bad to keep him too long. He told me about his goals, Doc, and I think if we can keep him on track, sending him home will be our best guarantee for a full recovery."
"I can take off as long as necessary to help him adjust, Olivia," Mark promised, "And Jesse and Amanda have offered to help any time we need it."
"Well, all the bones are healed," Olivia conceded. "Mark, where's he going to stay? He won't be able to climb the steps to that downstairs apartment all the time."
"Jesse helped me set most of his things up in the guest room upstairs. He'll be very comfortable there until he's able to move back down to his own place."
Olivia nodded. "Davis, in your opinion, are there any concerns whatsoever about sending him home?"
"None. I might worry about his over-doing it, but frankly, I think he'll wear himself out before he injures himself."
Olivia looked at Mark, "You know him best. Do you concur?"
"Yes, I've talked to him about this before, and he understands. He knows how to recognize his limits while still doing as much as he can."
Olivia nodded again. "I'll check in on him today, and I'll look in on therapy Monday and Tuesday. If I am satisfied with what I see, I'll examine him Tuesday afternoon, and if everything checks out, I'll send him home Wednesday morning."
"Ok, then it's settled," Davis said.
"Great," Mark said, "I'm going to invite Jesse and Amanda to Thanksgiving dinner. Davis, Liv, I'd be delighted to have you both there."
Davis smiled and shook his head. "It would be an honor, Doc, but my mom wants me home in Pennsylvania."
"Pennsylvania? I didn't know that's where you were from."
Davis chuckled. "You never asked, and I never told. Fact is, that's where I met Doc Regis. I was one of her first patients when she came home. I've been following her around for...just over five years now. I figured working with her would be good for my career. Next year I plan to go back east and reapply to med-school. I had to quit years ago when my dad died, and I've been saving ever since to go back. I figure a glowing reference from the Doc here will pretty much guarantee me a spot."
Mark grinned, "No kidding. Well, not that you'll need it with Olivia's recommendation, but I'd be pleased to write a letter of reference for you if you like."
"I'd appreciate that. I'll look you up when I start applying."
"Liv, how about you? Will you be there for turkey and all the trimmings?"
"I'll have to think about it, Mark," she said, distractedly, "but thank you for the invitation." Looking at her wrist where a watch should have been, Olivia decided it was time to break up the meeting. "Well, gentlemen," she said, standing as she spoke. "I have rounds to attend to, and Davis, I am sure you have a patient waiting for you."
Mark and Davis stood as well, and, as they moved toward the door, she asked them, "Let's keep this between us until I examine Steve, ok?"
"Sure thing, Docs." Davis agreed. "See you both around."
"Bye, Davis," Mark said, but he made no move to leave. When the younger man was gone, he turned to Olivia and said, "Liv sit down. We need to talk."
"Mark, I know what it's about, and I don't want to discuss it."
"I'm not giving you a choice," Mark insisted, "You are my son's doctor, and from what he tells me, he's barely seen you in the past three weeks."
Olivia sighed, and sat behind her desk. "I have been looking in on him, and I've kept my promise to you about asking every day if you can come see him in PT. Davis tells me he keeps saying no."
"What about your promise to take good care of him for me?" Mark questioned gently.
Olivia responded defensively. "I've been checking his charts and speaking with Davis and his nurses. I am fully aware of his condition, Mark."
"It's not the same as actually talking to your patient, Liv, and you know it."
"Mark, I can't see him right now."
"He told me about what happened between you. He says he's sorry. He never expected it to upset you so much."
Olivia sat silently for several moments, making a decision. Finally, she looked at the clock, looked at Mark, and said, "There's quite a long story behind it, a lot that Steve doesn't know. Have you got a couple hours?"
Mark nodded. "If it will help you two work things out, yes. He thinks very highly of you, Liv, and he's hurt that you don't come by to look in on him like you did before."
Olivia motioned Mark to shut the office door. She took a deep, calming breath and began. "What I am about to tell you will be protected under doctor-patient confidentiality, Mark. That morning at your house when you examined me, you really had no idea what you were dealing with. Now I am going to tell you, but it stays in this office, ok?"
Mark nodded.
"It all started over 20 years ago. I was just twelve years old...."
Over an hour later, Olivia blew her nose again, and told Mark, "My life has been a battle for so long now. I have good days and bad days, and for the past ten years or so, the good days have greatly outnumbered the bad ones. I like Steve a lot, but I cannot, I will not, be pushed. I can't handle it."
"I understand, now, Olivia. Your story explains so many things I have noticed about you."
"Like what, Mark?"
Mark thought for a moment, and then came up with a good example. "All of the family photos at your house and in your office are old, from the seventies; and when you talk about your family, it's always about the distant past, never something that happened just last week."
Olivia frowned. "I never realized that. Has anyone else noticed?"
"Not that I know of," Mark told her. "Sometimes Jesse can tell when you're having a bad day, and Amanda thinks it's kind of weird that you never stop by her lab to say hello; but other than that, I don't think so. Steve's been too concerned with recovering to have a clue. He doesn't know any of this. You have to tell him something."
Olivia shook her head. "I can't do that right now, Mark. Tell him I'll see him next week. I'll explain what I can then, but it might not be much."
Mark agreed, and said, "If you're going to be involved, you need to tell him the whole story."
"Mark, if we get serious, I won't let him go into anything blind. If it gets too intense, I will tell him everything. I won't let him be hurt. I promise."
"If there is one thing I have learned about you in the past three months, Olivia, it's that you keep your promises," Mark conceded, "but you have to realize, my son sometimes wears his heart on his sleeve. He is already serious, and he's already been hurt."
"I'll protect him as much as I can, but I have to take care of myself, too."
"I understand, that, Liv, but please, be careful with my son."
"I'll do my best, Mark."
As she had agreed in her meeting with Davis and Mark, Olivia checked in on Steve during therapy Monday. She found he was making good progress and could actually walk quite well and quite far with a walker. He kept his distance from her, but once, when they made eye contact, he nodded a greeting. Olivia found herself looking forward to seeing him Tuesday afternoon, and she had to wonder if he felt the same.
When she stopped by PT Tuesday morning, Steve approached her. It seemed he had trouble looking her in the eye, but he asked her, "When should I come by your office?"
"Davis will bring you around after PT. By the way, you're looking good."
Steve smiled slightly and said, "Thanks. I'm glad you noticed. I've been working hard."
The silence between them became uncomfortable.
"Well," Olivia said, looking at her wrist even though she wasn't wearing a watch, "I need to go. I'll see you around three."
"Yeah," Steve agreed, "See you then." He turned around and headed back to the mats where he'd been exercising.
Olivia watched Steve walk away, and felt her heart soften. She knew she had fallen hard for him, and Mark had assured her that Steve cared as deeply for her. She was tremendously fond of his father and friends. She just didn't know if she was ready to let her heart go after all this time.
She stepped into the hall and found herself shaking. The prospect of a happy future was rather frightening. She had lost so much in the past that she was afraid to care, but she was also tired of being alone. No friends, no family. She made a decision. She came to California to start over one more time. This time it would be a good beginning with a happy ending.
With that resolution made, she started her rounds.
Steve was awfully uneasy about seeing Olivia this afternoon. Almost from the day he'd met her, he had known there was something terrible in her past, but he'd had no idea one kiss, even if it was uninvited, would upset her so much. He hoped they would be able to talk about it after the examination, but he wasn't sure if they would. He didn't know where he stood with her anymore, and it really disturbed him. She'd taken very good care of him, and he was grateful, but sometimes he wished she wasn't his doctor. He wanted a more personal relationship with her, and she wouldn't allow it. When Davis wheeled him into her office, he was still worrying over what the meeting might bring.
"Hello, Steve! How was physical therapy today?"
She was as friendly as ever, but it seemed forced. The smile didn't light up her eyes. Oh great, he had pissed her off, or worse yet, driven her off.
"It's hard work, but it's paying off," he said cautiously.
"I can see that. How have you been feeling? Any pain?"
"Well, some days are better than others. The pain medication you prescribed works wonders."
Olivia smiled; again, there was no light in her eyes. "I had a feeling it would. Did Davis tell you I am going to examine you today?"
"Yeah, he did."
"Ok. There's an open exam room just down the hall, do you want me to take you there or do you want to go there on your own?"
"I, uh, I'd really appreciate a push. I'm worn out from PT today."
"Ok. Not a problem." Olivia came around the desk and took the handles on the back of Steve's chair. As she pushed him down the hall, she said, "I just need to do a check-up to evaluate your progress for the study. Then I'll get you back to your room so you can rest."
In the exam room, she handed him a gown and said, "I'll give you some privacy to change. If you need anything, the call button's right here." She indicated the buzzer that would summon help if he needed it and stepped out of the room and shut the door behind her.
With trembling hands, Steve undid his jeans and shirt. The room was freezing, but that wasn't the reason he was shaking. He really wanted to make up with Olivia. Until he had spoken with her in PT that morning, he hadn't realized how much he missed her. Now he just wanted her back. Suddenly, he laughed. It was ironic how much he felt the loss of her presence when they hadn't even had so much as a single date. When he had the gown on, he buzzed for Olivia. He didn't want to sit there and shiver until she came back in.
"Everything ok?" she asked as she peeked in.
"Yeah, I just wanted you to know I was ready."
"Oh, ok."
Olivia had him do a few basic exercises and demonstrate how he got around with a walker, and then she helped him up onto the examination table. First, she checked out the wounds on his legs and said they were fully healed. She had him push against her hand with each foot to test his strength and told him she was pleased with his progress. Then, when she started to lift the gown, he caught her hands.
"Liv, what are you doing?" He suddenly felt embarrassed about his scars again. He hadn't worried about them since the day she brought him the clothes for therapy. After she'd run from him, he hadn't ever expected her to see him again, much less see as much of him as she was about to.
"I want to see how the other wounds have healed."
"I can tell you that they have all healed fine, Liv."
She pulled her hands loose and gently put them over his. "Steve," she said softly, "I already know what I'm going to see. You don't have to be self- conscious. It's not a big deal."
As her hands rested on his, that feeling of warmth suddenly flooded back. Like the day he'd helped her unpack, and like all the times over the past three months when he'd been afraid, angry, and frustrated, her touch fixed everything. It moved him to think that this small, gentle woman could take everything that was wrong and make it right for him again. She was something special, and he had to get her back. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her. Tears sprang, unbidden, to his eyes. He blinked them back, afraid that she'd misinterpret them.
"That's what was on your mind, wasn't it?" she asked. "The day you didn't want to tell me about it and you made me leave while you changed."
He nodded. "I look really bad, Liv."
"Steve," she said patiently, "I'm a surgeon. I see wounds and scars and worse all the time."
"I know...it's just...it's hard, you know?"
"It'll be ok, Steve. I need to see."
He let his hands fall away and closed his eyes as she lifted the gown.
"The stoma and the surgical incision have healed beautifully," she commented. "Now I need to check the wounds in your pelvis."
Steve felt her fingers at the waistband of his shorts and he froze. Even his breathing stopped. He felt sure this was going to be a humiliating experience. He'd always been quite modest and now he was going to be fully exposed. He felt the blush rise in his face.
"Ok, roll over so I can check the exit wound."
"That's it?" he said in consternation.
"Yep, why?" She looked him in the eye and asked, "What did you think I was going to do, yank them down to your knees?"
"Well," Steve hesitated to answer, but he couldn't lie, "Yeah."
She lowered the hospital gown and became very serious. "Because of what happened? The kiss?"
"You seemed pretty mad at me."
"Steve, I'm not like that." She took his hand. "First of all, I'm not angry. Even if I was, I'm not a vindictive person. It's just not in me." Caressing his cheek, she continued. "It might be bragging to say so, but I'm also a very good doctor, and I wouldn't embarrass any patient like that." She smiled, and this time it lit up her eyes. "And you're not just any patient. Now roll over and we can get this over with."
Steve rolled over, and she finished her examination. She helped him down from the table and back into his wheelchair.
"I'm sending you home tomorrow morning."
Suddenly the blood was rushing in Steve's ears. He couldn't believe what he had heard. He had given up hope of making it home by Thanksgiving.
"Can you say that again?"
"I'm sending you home tomorrow morning."
He let out a whoop of joy. "You mean it? Tomorrow? I can go home? Really? Oh, God! Thank you, Liv. Thank you."
Olivia laughed out loud to see his joy. It had been quite some time since she'd made a patient so happy. It warmed her heart.
Suddenly he became serious again. "Liv, Dad said we were probably going to talk about...what happened...when..."
She put a hand on his shoulder and told him, "Steve, enjoy today. Be happy you're going home. Anything I have to say can wait another twenty four hours."
"I just don't want you to go away again, Liv." He took a deep breath, surprised at what he was about to say, but knowing it was true. "I think I love you, Olivia, and I have missed you every minute you haven't been with me these past three weeks. I don't know why I upset you so much, and I would do anything to take it back. I hope you can forgive me for what I did, and I hope you can give me, and us, another chance." There, he'd said it, and his heart was racing.
Olivia was dumbfounded; "Steve, I…I can't talk about this here. I am a doctor…you are my patient…I work here, Steve." She listed her reasons like they were a mantra. "This…isn't right. It can't be."
"Then we need to change it, Liv. I care about you too much to let hospital rules get in the way."
"What?! No! Not while I'm your doctor." There was an odd expression on her face, a sort of panic mingled with disgust.
Steve's heart sank; she'd panicked when he'd said he loved her, just like when he'd kissed her. The frightened animal was back. He couldn't let her run away this time.
"Liv, please…"
"No! No way. I have got to draw those lines to do my job. We'll talk about us…later."
He nodded his agreement. If he had to play by her rules, so be it. As long as he was still in the game, he would do as she asked.
"I … I'm turning your case over to another doctor."
"What?!? Why?"
She closed her eyes and breathed deeply for several moments. When she opened her eyes, her calm had returned. She no longer had that deer-in-the- headlights look.
"Relax, Steve," she smiled, "I think you'll like him. He's a real sweet kid, and very bright."
Steve smiled back uneasily. It was eerie how quickly she could shift gears. "Jesse."
Olivia nodded. "I, uh," she couldn't hold his gaze, "I'll explain why tomorrow."
"Is it because you have feelings for me?"
She just shrugged, and said, "We'll talk tomorrow. You have a right to know what you're getting into before you go too far to turn back."
With those ominous words, she left the examination room.
A moment later, Jesse came in and asked, "Steve, what did you say to Olivia?"
"I'm not sure, it was kind of a weird conversation. Why, Jess?"
"Because when she came out of here, she was crying."
"Well, she said I had a right to know what I was getting into before I had gone too far to turn back. What do you suppose she could mean by that?"
"I don't know, Steve. Your dad told me you two were getting serious. Maybe she's just scared. At any rate, you'll know when she's ready to tell you. Until then, let's get you back to your room and get your things packed. Tomorrow is a big day for you."