(Chapter 21. December 10. CGH.)

Jesse and Olivia sat in Olivia's office discussing Steve's final medical release. Jesse had initiated this meeting without mentioning anything to Mark, Steve, or Amanda. Steve seemed to be doing remarkably well and had been nagging Jesse to release him for a couple of days now, but Jesse wanted Olivia's opinion before he signed off on the final release papers. It just seemed too early to Jesse. Steve's original goal had been Christmas, and that was still over two weeks away. Olivia had reluctantly agreed to consult, but insisted that the final decision be Jesse's.

Olivia was treating the conversation more like a teacher-student exchange than like a consultation between two colleagues. Fortunately, Jesse didn't mind her didactic tone. He had always believed in learning from the best, and she was the best there was. He wanted all the help he could get in making this decision. Steve was his best friend and he wanted to be sure he did everything exactly right.

Olivia leaned back in her chair, put her feet up on the desk, and steepled her fingers. Looking at the ceiling she said, "Make a list of things you need to evaluate to be sure he's fully recuperated, Jess."

"What kind of things, Liv?"

"Well, consider his job, his lifestyle, his previous physical condition, and the nature and degree of his injuries. What was wrong that needs to be right before you can say he's better?"

"Well," Jesse scratched his head and said, "I guess the first, and most obvious, thing would be a final set of x-rays to make sure all the bones have healed and that everything is still aligned the way it should be."

Olivia took out a legal pad and a pen and tossed them to him. "Write it down."

Jesse scribbled for a second, and then sat chewing on the pen as he thought. "Physical strength and endurance."

"Good," Olivia encouraged him, "What else? What has he had to work on in PT?"

Jesse was scribbling rapidly now, "Flexibility, balance, coordination, posture, and he's had a hard time getting rid of that limp. I want to make sure that's gone for real."

"Right, Jess. Also look for symmetry," Olivia suggested.

Jesse screwed up his face in confusion. "Symmetry?"

Olivia nodded. "One bullet went through his right calf, the other was in his left thigh. A lot of muscle tissue was torn up, but not in the same place on both sides of his body."

"So," Jesse took the thought and ran with it, "the right calf will be weaker than the left and the left thigh will be weaker than the right."

"Yes, and...?" Olivia led him on.

Jesse closed his eyes in concentration, "And if he has recovered the damaged muscles asymmetrically, that will affect his flexibility, balance, coordination, posture, and the limp."

"Exactly," Olivia praised him. "All of that will in turn affect..."

"Physical strength and endurance!" Jesse finished for her. "So, have I covered all the bases?"

"I dunno. Read me the list."

Jesse read the list back to her, and she said, "You need to consider a couple more things, Jess."

Jesse stared hard at his list, chewed on his pen a while, and came up blank. He looked at Olivia and shrugged. She tapped two fingers to her temple.

"Mental state?" he said with surprise. "But, Liv, the department will have him talk to one of their psychologists."

"Yeah, Jess," Olivia agreed, "but only to make sure he's fit for duty. Believe me, a cop can be certified fit for duty and still have a lot of problems. I ought to know."

"Yeah. Steve told me what happened to you."

Olivia frowned, and said, "That's a little beside the point, but yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. As Steve's primary physician and best friend, you're the only one in a position to make sure he's really ok. Just as importantly, you'll need to make sure he feels confident that he's recovered."

"Liv, he's been pestering me for three days to give him his walking papers. He believes he's recovered."

"Maybe," she conceded, "but maybe he just wants to believe it so badly he's putting on a show hoping it will become fact. If he doesn't believe he's better, he'll continue having problems after he's released. This has taken almost four months of his life from him, Jess. You have to help him prepare for the transition back to a normal life."

"How do I do that?" Jesse asked.

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know, but you can't release him until you're sure he's recovered in his mind and in his heart as well as in his body."

Jesse nodded to indicate his understanding and handed the pen back to her.

Olivia looked at the mangled pen and made a face. "Keep it."

"Oh, yeah, I guess so. I do that when I'm thinking. Sorry."

"Don't sweat it."

"Ok, thanks, Liv. I'll check in with you again if I need more help." He stood and headed for the door.

"Not a problem, and Jess," she waited for him to turn back and look at her, "If I had any doubts, I never would have asked you to take over. You've been all over this."

Jesse grinned. She'd given his confidence a tremendous boost with her encouragement. "Thanks, Liv, I'll keep you posted."





Jesse looked through the window of the PT room and saw Steve and Davis waiting for him. He took a deep breath to calm the creatures scrambling around in his stomach. He hadn't been so nervous about examining a patient since med-school, but this time he was responsible for his best friend's welfare and he didn't want to blow it. He took consolation in the fact that Steve had to be at least as nervous as he was.

Finally, he pushed through the doors and strode quickly over to Steve and Davis. He shook Davis's hand and gave Steve a pat on the back. "Are you ready to get started?"

Steve nodded and said, "Ready as I'll ever be. I can't believe this is it."

With a confidence he didn't feel, Jesse said, "This *should* be it, but let's make sure everything's copacetic before we cross the t's and dot the i's and get you out of here."

"Let's do it," Steve said with a nervous grin.

"You'll be glad to know," Jesse began, "that I've looked at your final set of x-rays and everything appears to be ok there. Davis has also filled me in on the work you've been doing in the weight room, and while you're not up to the level you were before the shooting, I'm convinced that you're as strong as you need to be. Today I'm going to put you through your paces, so to speak, and make sure you've developed your stamina, balance, flexibility, and coordination to the point where you can continue working out on your own until you're back to a hundred percent."

Steve nodded again and said, "So, what exactly is going to happen?"

"Well, I've decided that the first thing you're going to do is get a good workout. It'll be basically the same things you've been doing in PT, but maybe a little more demanding." He squeezed his friend's shoulder firmly and looked him in the eye. "Don't worry if it starts to seem too hard, Steve. I'm trying to find out what your limits are so I can be sure you'll be able to do everything you need to when you start preparing to go back to work. I want to be sure you won't hit a wall and get discouraged. If it gets to be too much, say so. Nothing says we have to do this all today."

"All right," Steve said enthusiastically, "Where do we start?"

Jesse had deliberately planned the workout to be grueling. He started Steve with a few easy stretches to help him limber up, then put him on a treadmill. At first, the pace was easy to give him time to warm up, but Jesse quickly had Davis increase the speed of the treadmill to a rapid jog and then an all out run. Soon Steve felt he was struggling. He was breathing hard and his right leg was burning painfully. Finally, he had to tell Jesse to slow down.

"Jess, I can't take it any more. I've got to slow down."

With Jesse's approval, Davis adjusted the speed of the treadmill to a more manageable pace, and gave Steve time to catch his breath. "Come on, Sloan. You can do it if you want it bad enough."

Jesse encouraged him, "Keep going for a while, Steve. I want to see how much you can do. Remember, we're looking for the limits of your endurance."

Steve continued at an easy jog for several more minutes, but all the time, his right leg was hurting more and more. He was determined to go on until Jesse stopped him. He was not going to give up. Jesse slowly increased the pace of the treadmill, again, but Steve soon told him that he could go no faster. Jesse was concerned that his friend was getting discouraged, but he wanted to show Steve that he could do more than he thought.

"Just a little faster, Steve."

"No! Jess, I can't."

"Sloan!" Davis barked at him. "Nothing in here is a question of can or can't. It's all a matter of will. Where's yours?"

"Please don't," Steve pleaded, "it hurts."

He felt awful to do so, but Jesse motioned Davis to increase the speed anyway. Much to his surprise, in spite of the pain in his right leg, Steve was able to pick up the pace. After a couple of minutes, Jesse had Davis slow the treadmill down to a jog, then to a walk so Steve could cool down properly.

"So," Steve asked uneasily, "how'd I do?"

"Better than I expected," Jesse told him.

"What exactly does that mean? How long? How fast? How far?"

As Davis wiped the memory from the treadmill, Jesse sighed and said, "That doesn't matter right now, Steve, and I'm not going to tell you. All that matters is that you did well enough to convince me that you've gotten a good deal of your stamina back. Now, let's go over to the steps."

"Come on, Jess, I need a breather."

"Not yet, buddy. I told you, this isn't going to be easy."

"It feels like you're trying to set me up to fail, Jess," Steve said angrily.

Davis gave him a stern look, and said, "You need to calm down, Sloan. Getting mad at the Doc won't help anything."

Jesse told him soothingly, "If you can't do this, we'll try again in a few days, but there is no *way* on God's good green earth I am releasing you if you can't convince me you're ready."

Jesse was surprised to see Steve struggling not to break into a grin as he reluctantly walked over to the steps that sat in the middle of the PT room. It was plain that Steve was trying to stay angry, but something had tickled his funny bone.

Jesse held up a stopwatch and told him simply, "Up and down as quick as you can until I tell you to stop. Count how many trips you make." He pushed the button to start the timer.

As Steve started running the steps, humor overtook the anger on his face and in his eyes, and Jesse finally felt compelled to ask, "Ok, what's so funny?"

In huffs and puffs, Steve told him, "Olivia's…rubbing off…on you."

"What do you mean?"

Davis, who was leaning against some mats nearby, said, "You said, 'no way on God's good green earth.' That's one of her expressions."

Steve didn't have the breath to speak, but he nodded to indicate that Davis was right.

Jesse laughed at himself, and said, "I guess it is, huh? She sure has a way with words, doesn't she?"

Steve nodded and Davis said, "Oh, yeah. She'll kill me if she finds out I told you guys, but she's a published poet and she has a novel being considered by a major New York publishing house."

"No kidding," Jesse said in admiration. "Davis, is there anything she doesn't do?"

Davis thought for a minute and said, "Well, I know she doesn't ski, she doesn't dust or cut the grass, she doesn't golf--calls it a good walk spoiled--and she doesn't know how to balance a checkbook."

Jesse laughed.

Steve was on his twentieth trip up the stairs, and he started counting aloud.

"I understand you followed her out here, Davis. Why?"

"Twenty-one."

Davis answered, "She's the best there is, and I wanted to learn from her."

"Twenty-two."

"I guess you two have been pretty good friends for a while, huh?"

"Twenty-three."

"Probably the same way you and the big guy's dad are friends," Davis said, indicating Steve with a jerk of his head.

"Twenty-four."

"How long have you known each other?"

"Twenty-five," Steve said with some finality.

"Five more," Jesse told him.

"Jess!"

"Five more."

With a groan, Steve started up the steps again.

Davis pulled up his left pant leg to show a long scar and said, "I was fifteen years old when she put this back together for me. Some three- hundred-pound freshman landed a knee on it in football practice and snapped it like a dry stick. Just like Theisman. I thought my game was over, but she promised me I'd play again. She tutored me while I was in the hospital so I wouldn't get behind in school, and she taught me about anatomy and medicine when I got bored with regular school subjects. She gave me my first medical book, Gray's Anatomy."

Steve finished his last five reps, and Jesse motioned him over to a low balance beam. "Step up, walk to the end, and walk back. Do it twice."

"When I got back to school, I found out I was ahead of all my classes. I went from C's and D's to A's and B's, and I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I played football through high school, and kept my grades up. I gave up competitive athletics when I got to college, though, to have more time for school."

Jesse watched with concern as Steve struggled to maintain his balance, but much to Jesse's relief, he made it to the end of the beam and back twice.

"When my dad died, she offered to finish paying for med-school, but I said no."

As Steve finished his second trip back on the beam, Jesse offered him an arm to help him down. Steve accepted gratefully.

"Have a seat and take a breather," Jesse said, indicating the beam.

"Thanks," Steve said, "It's about time. So, am I a free man?"

"Not yet," Jesse told him. "When you catch your breath, I want you to go in the examination room across the hall and change into the gown I put there. You've finished the hard part, but you're only half done."

"Oh. What else do you want to do?" Steve asked with some apprehension.

Jesse patted him on the back and said, "It's nothing to worry about, Steve, just a basic physical to check reflexes, flexibility, and the like."

Steve nodded and asked Davis, "I know Olivia's quite wealthy, Davis, why didn't you accept her offer?"

Davis shrugged and said, "I don't know. At the time, I had it in my head that it was something I had to handle myself. When I started having second thoughts, it seemed bad form to ask for the gift I'd already rejected. So, I did the next best thing. I followed her wherever she went and learned whatever I could."

Steve nodded, "I guess I understand that." He stood up and headed toward the door. "Give me five minutes, ok, Jess?"

"Ok, Steve. See you in five."

Jesse and Davis watched as Steve limped painfully out of the PT room. Halfway across the floor, he tried to hide the limp, but was only partly successful.

Jesse said quietly to Davis, "That limp's still pretty pronounced."

"Yep."

"That can't be good."

"Nope."

"Damn."

"Yep."