(Chapter 26. CGH children's ward. Christmas Day.)
As Mark, Steve and Olivia, and Jesse and Susan approached the children's ward at Community General Hospital, a very flustered nurse came running up to them. Amanda had decided to take the kids to her mom's house for a while, so she wasn't there.
"Oh, Dr. Sloan," the nurse wailed, "thank goodness you're finally here. It's awful, doctor, just awful!"
"Calm down, Jennie," Mark said in his most soothing voice, "and tell me what's wrong."
The older woman's cheeks and nose were pink, and her eyes were watery as if she had just finished crying or was about to start. She was trembling, which made the wattles of loose flesh on her neck wiggle as she told her story with her arms flailing about like the sails on a windmill.
"Howard called, Dr. Sloan."
Mark looked at his watch and said, "He's running a bit late, isn't he?"
Jennie grabbed Mark's arm in a death grip and jerked him close to her. In a conspiratorial whisper she told him, "No, he's not late, doctor, he isn't coming. He and all three of his kids have the flu."
"Oh, poor Howard, I know how he enjoys this par…"
"Forget 'poor Howard,'" Jennie said emphatically. "We have no Santa Claus. The children will be so disappointed. I was hoping you'd have an idea."
She hauled Mark with her as she went to the nurses' station and thrust a large box into his hands. "Here are the costumes," she said as she continued to clutch at his arm. "Santa and three elves, just like last year."
"Well, Jennie, what do you expect me to do?"
"I don't know, doctor, but you simply must do something. These sick little children are expecting to meet Santa today, and you can't let them down."
"I…I'll see what I can do, Jennie, but…"
"Good! Now I've got to get back to the party. Please do hurry, the children are getting impatient." With that, she scuttled back to the game room, presumably to single-handedly keep the party from disintegrating while the children waited for Santa.
"Well, Dad," Steve said as he approached with a smirk, "It looks like you're in quite a pickle."
"I sure am, and I don't know what to do about it." He pulled the top to the Santa suit out of the box and shook out the wrinkles. After holding it at arms length for a moment, he started to grin and looked at Steve and Jesse appraisingly. "Did she say Santa and three elves?"
After a moment of stone cold silence, Steve caught his drift, held up his hands, and started backing away. "No way, Dad. No, I'm not going to do it."
Suddenly Jesse caught on and joined Steve in protest. "I can't do it, Mark. Some of those kids are my patients. I promised to come visit them today. I can't be an elf and be myself at the same party."
Olivia caught Steve by the arm and returned Mark's grin, saying, "I don't know, Susan, I think it would be fun, don't you?"
Susan sidled up to Jesse and grabbed his elbow, "Yeah, Liv, I think it would be great. We really should do it. For the kids."
"But Olivia," Jesse whined, "little Timmy Robbins! You promised to visit him today."
"Oh, I will, Jess," she assured him, "after we've fed Santa's reindeer."
"Liv," Steve insisted, "there is no way I am doing this. Two years ago, Dad roped me into singing with his barbershop quartet, and I made a fool of myself. Not this year."
Olivia cuddled up close to Steve. Tracing her fingers lightly over his chest, she said, "Steve, sweetie?"
"Mmm?"
"You know that…special…package you wanted to unwrap today before breakfast?" she asked in a syrupy-sweet tone.
Steve's eyes drifted closed and he smiled and sighed, "Mmmm."
Stepping away and folding her arms she told him flatly, "It can wait until your birthday."
Feigning surprise, Susan moved away from Jesse to stand beside Olivia. "You know, Liv, I think I got Jesse the same gift. He might see it at Easter."
Mark watched as the two young women stood there, facing off against their men, arms folded, staring coldly. After a moment, Jesse turned to Steve and said, "We're going to do this, aren't we?"
"Yep."
Jesse and Steve turned to the girls.
"Ok, we're in," Steve said.
"What have you got in mind, Liv, and what are you going to do about the patients who are expecting to see us in person?" Jesse demanded.
"Relax," Olivia said with a broad grin, "I have a plan."
Like a general marshaling her troops, she set them each a specific assignment.
"Susan, I need you to get three…" inspecting Steve and the Santa suit, she changed her mind, "…make that four of the fluffiest pillows you can find. Also get a couple of rolls of gauze."
"Right."
"Jesse, in the closet in physical therapy, they have a big box of musical instruments. In there, you'll find a stick with about forty thousand million jingle bells on it. I'll need that, and see if you can find something that will snap like a whip. If you can't find it, your belt will do."
"Ok."
"Steve, go to the gift shop and buy a stuffed animal with lots of brown, fuzzy, fur. It doesn't have to be big, just hairy."
"What kind of animal?"
"Doesn't matter, babe. We're going to shave it."
"Say again?"
"I'll explain later. Mark, find an orderly, a janitor, a warm body with two hands, whatever, and send him to my office. Then go entertain the kids for a while. If anyone asks about us, say we're on our way. If they ask about Santa, tell them you saw him earlier this morning and he said he'd be by as soon as he finished at the orphanage."
"Ok. What orphanage?"
"Does it matter? Just tell Jennie we've got it covered."
"Right."
Clapping her hands and rubbing them together, she said, "Jesse, Steve, Susan, meet me in my office in ten minutes." Then she grabbed the box of costumes and practically danced down the hall and into the elevator. Steve thought she looked like a storybook sprite. 'No,' he made a mental correction, 'she's an elf.'
The four remaining friends broke from their little huddle and set off to accomplish their individual missions, each wondering exactly what Olivia had in mind.
The orderly was the first to arrive at Olivia's office. He was quite surprised to find a redheaded elf dressed like a giant green and white candy cane ironing Santa's suit in the office of the head of orthopedic medicine. Her vest and very short shorts were dark green velvet, and her turtleneck, tights, and stocking cap were green and white striped with glittery silver threads running through them. Her curly-toed shoes were metallic green, and she wore glittery green eye shadow and lipstick as well.
"Uh…are you Dr. Regis?"
"Yep! Did Dr. Sloan send you?"
"Yes, ma'am…he…uh…he said you needed help up here."
"I will in just a few minutes. For now just have a seat. What's you're name?"
"Uh…Chris."
"Kringle?"
"Ma'am?"
"It was a joke, Chris. Just relax."
"Yes, ma'am."
Susan arrived next, followed seconds later by Jesse and Steve. Again, Olivia went into overdrive giving orders to her troops.
"Everybody, meet Chris."
"Kringle?" asked Jesse.
"No, Jess," Olivia told him. "We've already covered that ground."
"You're on auto-pilot, aren't you?" Steve asked.
"Betcherlife! Chris is going to be our prop manager and sound effects man. Jesse, Steve, did you get what I asked for?"
They tossed their finds to her simultaneously, and she was the only one not surprised when she caught them both.
"Good. Great! Ok, Steve, strip to your shorts and t-shirt. Jesse and Susan, use the gauze to hold the pillows on, and then help him get into the suit."
Taking the stuffed bear Steve had bought, she handed it to Chris and said, "Get the scissors out of the top drawer of my desk and trim the hair off this thing. Get a big envelope out of the bottom drawer to hold it so it doesn't blow all over the place."
"Why am I doing this, Dr. Regis?"
"We need reindeer hair."
"Huh?"
"Pay attention, son, and you'll catch on. Everybody listen so we keep our stories straight. Kids are surprisingly sophisticated now days, and they'll smell a rat if we don't do this right."
As she ironed the rest of the costumes, Olivia carefully set the scene for her players.
"Santa, after your ho-ho-hos and Merry Christmases, the first thing you need to do is make sure everybody hears you telling Dr. Sloan that his son and his friends are on the roof taking care of the reindeer, but they'll be along later. That way the kids will understand why we're not there. Do you know the names of all the reindeer?"
"Yeah."
"Tell me."
Steve rolled his eyes heavenward in thought for a moment. Olivia interrupted before he could begin. "The kids will know it's a fake if you do that."
"Do what?"
"Look at the ceiling as if the answer were written there. Try again." Mimicking a child's voice, she asked, "Santa, what are the reindeer's names?"
Looking her in the eye this time, Steve rattled them off, grunting as Jesse and Susan wrapped the gauze tightly around his middle and the pillows. "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, Rudolph, and Ralph."
"Ralph?!" Everyone asked in unison.
"That's how you know I'm the real Santa," he said with a grin as he buttoned his coat and put on his beard and white hair. "Nobody else knows about Ralph."
Olivia grinned, pleased that Steve was getting into the spirit of things. "Very clever, Santa. Now, once you tell Dr. Sloan that his friends are with the reindeer, let him know that you're sorry you're late, but people have left you so many trays with cookies and milk this year that you're running behind schedule."
"That's why I brought Ralph. He helps me eat the cookies, but he's getting full, too." Santa slipped on his pants, buckled his belt, and stomped into his boots as his other two elves quickly dressed. "I'm just so pleased with how kind and generous people have been this year, if I could keep up the pace, I'd make everyday Christmas Day from now until New Years."
"Very good, Santa!" Olivia lavished her praise. "Everybody remember, Ralph's a little sensitive about his weight, so if the kids ever see him, they shouldn't say anything about it. Now, everyone knows Santa, but who are we?" She rolled her eyes and then looked at her glittery green shoes. "I'm Sparkle!" Looking at Susan, she asked, "Who are you?"
Susan's dark blue and white outfit was cut in the same style as Sparkle's but where Sparkle's had stripes, Susan's had checks. Instead of glitter, Susan had bells trimming her suit. As she put her elf-slippers on, her bells made their happy sound, striking her with sudden inspiration. "I'm Jingle!" she said.
Jesse sat pouting on the couch in a dark red suit like the others but decorated with a diamond pattern instead of stripes or checks. He didn't have bells or glitter, but his suit was trimmed with satin. When the girls looked at him, he shrugged. "I don't know. Help me out."
Sparkle thought a moment more and then snapped her fingers. "Harkin!" she proclaimed.
"Harkin?" Jesse made a face. "What's a Harkin?"
"I read it in a romance novel when I was a kid. It's an old Irish name. It means 'dark red.' I think it sounds much more sophisticated than Rusty."
"Harkin." He tried the name on his tongue. "I don't know. It's a little weird, isn't it?"
"No," Jingle told him, "it's not weird. It's unusual."
"It's extraordinary," Sparkle agreed.
"Harkin." A slow grin spread across his face. "Harkin! I like it. Ok, I'm Harkin."
"Ok, Santa, who are your elves?"
Pointing to them in turn, he said, "Sparkle, Jingle, and Harkin."
"Right, and the reindeer?"
He ticked them off on his fingers as he named them, "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, Rudolph, and Ralph. Ralph helps me eat the cookies, and he's sensitive about his weight. So if you ever meet him, please don't say anything about his being chubby."
"Let's hear your ho-ho-ho."
His first try was somewhat feeble, as he was feeling self-conscious.
"I *know* you can do better than that," Sparkle encouraged him, putting a hand on his bulging stomach. She took one of his hands and put it over her own flat belly and modeled. "Lower your voice and use your abs to shake that gut. Ho! Ho! Ho!"
He tried again, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
Sparkle shook her head, "You're Santa Claus, not the Jolly Green Giant. Be more…" her hands waved vaguely in the air trying to paint the image she wanted, "…ebullient."
"Ebullient?"
"Merry."
"Oh!" Santa tried again, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
"Better, now louder."
"HO! HO! HO!"
Sparkle laughed and clapped. "Wonderful, Santa! That's perfect! Now, after we deliver the gifts and visit for a while, we'll come back up here and turn back into Steve, Jesse, Susan, and Olivia. We'll sprinkle some of this reindeer hair Chris Not Kringle produced for us on our clothes and go back down to join the party."
"Sounds like a plan," Harkin agreed.
"Let's go," said Jingle.
"Uh, Liv?"
"Tut-tut, Santa. Olivia isn't here right now."
Santa grinned and said, "Sparkle, where are the presents?"
"Oh!" Chris Not Kringle shouted, "Dr. Sloan told me to tell you they were in a big bag in the office behind the nurses station on the children's ward."
"Perfect," said Sparkle. "I love it when a plan comes together." She picked up the phone and dialed the children's ward. "Dr. Sloan, please." A moment later, she continued, "Dr. Sloan? This is Sparkle, one of the elves….Uh-huh.…Yes….We'll be there in five minutes….Ok. See you soon….Good bye."
Turning to her companions, Sparkle gave one last set of instructions before they left Olivia's office. "Remember, Steve, Jesse, Susan, and Olivia are on the roof with the reindeer. Ralph helps eat the cookies and he's sensitive about his weight. Pointing to the other elves and herself in turn, she said, Harkin, Jingle, and Sparkle. Right?"
"Right!" responded her friends.
She took off her necklace and watch and put them in the desk. "Kids'll spot watches, rings, bracelets, and necklaces in a heartbeat. Stow 'em in here for now." A small collection of jewelry was deposited in Olivia's drawer, which Sparkle then locked.
She handed the orderly the jingle bells and a belt and said, "Chris Not Kringle, ride down in the elevator with us. When we get there, sneak up close to the game room, and shake the bells. Then snap the belt. Don't let any of the kids see you, or you'll ruin everything. Wait around, and do the same thing again, about five minutes after we leave. Got it?"
"Yes, ma'am," the young man agreed.
"Ok, let's go."
Santa and his elves had a wonderful time at the Community General Children's Ward Christmas party. As Santa passed out the gifts he had brought, he made sure to talk to Dr. Sloan about his son and friends.
"Ho! Ho! Ho! By the way, Dr. Sloan, we saw your son Steve and his friends, Dr. Travis, Nurse Hilliard, and Dr. Regis, on the way in and asked them to take care of the reindeer."
"Oh, really, Santa?"
"Yessiree. Ho! Ho! They're very good boys and girls, so they agreed. They just wanted you to know they'd be a little late to the party, but they will definitely be here."
"Ok, Santa," Mark said with a grin. "Thanks for the message."
Just then, Santa felt a shy little tug on his sleeve. He sat on the gurney next to a slip of a child with his leg in a huge white cast who said, "My name is Timmy Robbins, Santa."
"Well, of course it is, Timmy. I know who you are, and I know you've been a good little boy this year…at least as good as you can be."
The little boy laughed and admitted, "I try, but sometimes I'm not so good."
"I know that, Timmy, but Santa just wants to know that you tried your best."
Timmy's eyes got big and he said, "Oh, I did, Santa! I really did!"
"Ho! Ho! Ho! I know that, too, Timmy. That's why I have a gift in my sack for you." He handed the Timmy a brightly wrapped package.
"Thank you, Santa!" The child tore the gift open to reveal the hot new action toy of the season. "This is just what I wanted!"
"I knew that, too, Timmy."
Timmy's initial reserve had finally melted and in a loud piping voice he asked, "Santa can we go see the reindeer?"
As one the room full of children responded, "Yeah!!!"
Santa apologized, "I'm sorry, kids, they're up on the roof, and it's too cold and windy for you to be out there."
One clever little fellow suggested, "Maybe Dr. Travis and his friends can bring them down here."
"Oh, no," Harkin said. "They have such thick fur, it would be too warm for them inside. They're used to the cold weather at the North Pole."
"Besides," Santa said, "Ralph would eat all your cookies."
Timmy looked up at Santa and asked, "Who's Ralph?"
Santa looked at the boy and asked, "You don't know about Ralph?"
Timmy shook his head.
Looking at the other kids and adults, Santa asked, "Do any of you know about Ralph?"
There was a chorus of no's, and Jingle said, "I told you no one had ever heard of him."
Sparkle said, "I tried to get him to let Mr. Clement Clarke Moore include him in that poem, 'Twas the Night before Christmas', but that would mean he'd have to have his picture made, and you know how he is about that."
"Well, it wouldn't be a problem," Harkin said, "if he'd lay off the cookies."
"Now, Harkin," Santa said, "that's not nice."
"Santa," Dr. Sloan asked, "Who's Ralph?"
"Ralph is the tenth reindeer," Santa said. He explained everything while his elves finished delivering the gifts. "Everybody has always known about Dasher, Dancer, Prancer Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, and Blitzen, and then they met Rudolph in that song, but Ralph's really sensitive about his weight. He never poses for pictures with the other reindeer, so no one knows about him. You see people put out so many plates of cookies and milk for me, I can't possibly eat them all myself, so Ralph helps me, and that really packs on the pounds."
"I see," said Dr. Sloan, barely hiding a grin. "Well, Santa, we have a very good weight control and nutrition clinic here at the hospital. Maybe Ralph could enroll in it."
"That's a good idea, Dr. Sloan" Santa said. "I'll tell him about it. Right now, though, I think it's time he gets some more exercise. We need to be going, there's a homeless shelter we still need to stop at before we leave the city."
"Ok, Santa. Thanks for coming by, and have a Merry Christmas."
"Santa! Santa!" Timmy cried, "Can you show us how you disappear up a chimney?"
"I'm sorry, Timmy, but there aren't any chimneys in the hospital."
"I know," Timmy agreed, "but my mom says you make them appear where there aren't any just so you can get in and out."
Santa was at a loss. He looked to Dr. Sloan to explain, but Dr. Sloan just looked to Harkin, who looked to Jingle who looked to Sparkle. Sparkle looked back to Santa, but spoke to the kids.
"Timmy, how did your mom know that? Did she stay up past her bedtime as a little girl?"
Timmy's eyes grew wide as he looked at Sparkle. "I don't know. Is she in trouble?"
"No, Timmy, not anymore. She's grown up now. But I think I know where she found out." Pulling a chair into the center of the room, Sparkle got everyone's attention before she continued speaking.
Sparkle did a back flip and landed standing on the seat of the chair.
Harkin muttered, "Show off."
Sparkle blew Harkin a kiss, grinned, and said, "Grouchy." Then she slowly sank down to sit cross-legged in the chair. "What else have you kids heard about how Santa gets into a house without a chimney?"
"He climbs through the window!"
"He uses the door!"
"He just appears!"
"He shrinks until he can squeeze under the door then he grows again!"
Sparkle waved both hands in the air to stop the flood of responses. "I'm going to tell you all about it, but first, I want you to know, Santa has a lot of helpers who look like him. They don't know all his tricks, and they don't know about Ralph, and they certainly don't know Harkin, Jingle, and me. That's ok. They're just his helpers. They might say they're Santa, and that's ok, too. They have his permission to impersonate him, because anybody who's nice and does good things for other people has a little bit of Santa in them."
Pointing to Santa, she said, "But this guy's the real deal, and he'll tell you everything I say about him is true."
"Now, Timmy, your mom was right," Sparkle began.
"I knew it!" the boy shouted excitedly.
"Oh, but Timmy, that's only part of the story. Let me tell you about it." The crowd hushed and gathered around to hear Sparkle's story. Santa grinned; he could tell Sparkle loved to be the center of attention, and he knew she was quite a talented storyteller.
Lowering her voice, Sparkle began again. "It happened a hundred and ninety- three years ago. That was the first Christmas I joined Santa on his rounds. A very naughty little boy named Eustace Spurge stayed up all night so he could catch Santa coming down the chimney. Do you know why you have to go to bed before Santa can visit you on Christmas Eve?"
A chorus of voices, young and old asked, "Why?"
"Because Santa's magic is very, very special magic," Sparkle said in a confidential tone. "It was given to him a thousand years ago by the Good Witch of the North--the same one you read about in the Wizard of Oz--but there's a condition. Do you know what that condition is?"
Again, the chorus asked, "What?"
"If Santa lets any mortal see his magic, he loses it for a whole year." Sparkle leaned forward in the chair, put her palms on the floor, and went into a handstand. She neatly pirouetted away from the chair on one hand, landed on her feet, and went to Santa. Taking him by the arm, she led him to the chair and sat him down. She picked up a little blonde girl and sat her in his lap. Then she moved to stand behind him with her hands on his shoulders.
"Isn't that right, Santa?"
"That's true, Sparkle."
"You see, boys and girls, Santa doesn't like to admit it, but he was a bit of a show-off in his younger days. So, the Good Witch made sure he couldn't show off with his magic. She just didn't consider some of the problems her condition would create."
Sparkle paused dramatically, waiting until someone asked, "What kind of problems?"
She pointed at the child and said, "I'm glad you asked." She walked around the game room telling the story as much with her hands as with her voice.
"We had just finished our delivery at Eustace Spurge's house. It was supposed to be a short visit. All we had were switches and coal."
The children murmured in horror. They'd all heard of children who received switches and coal for Christmas, but none of them had actually known any.
Jingle grinned to think that some of them probably didn't even know what switches were. They just knew they were horrible.
"That's right," Sparkle assured them all, "Santa really leaves them for naughty children, and old Eustace was one of the naughtiest I've ever seen." She picked up a little girl's stuffed dog and made it bark and said, "But I can see all of you are really very good children, so you'll never have to worry about that."
She sat the toy in the little girl's lap and continued her story. "Any way, as we were leaving, Eustace the Naughty came sneaking down the steps." Sparkle stuck out her tongue, scrunched up her face, and mimicked a wicked child tip-toeing down a flight of stairs. The audience booed her villain before succumbing to giggles at her wild antics.
She leaped high in the air and twisted about, shouting, "And he SPOTTED Santa…" The crowd squealed in horror as she landed in a crouch pointing at the hero of her story, "…going up the chimney!"
When the room was still again, she rose from her crouch and went on with the tale. "Do you know what happened?"
"WHAT, SPARKLE?" children and adults alike begged to know.
She lowered her voice to a mere whisper and said, "It was the most awful thing I've ever seen. Santa lost his magic right then and there and he got STUCK in the chimney!"
She waited, motionless in the dead silence, for someone to urge her to continue.
"What did he do, Sparkle?" asked one of the nurses.
"There was nothing he could do, nurse. He was stuck. Harkin, Jingle, and I had to climb out on the roof, slide down the chimney, and jump up and down on his jiggle-butt until he POPPED out into the fireplace. His magic protects him from soot, and smoke, and fire, so by the time we got him out of there, he was dirty, smelly, and scorched."
"It must have been awful, Santa," a child sympathized.
"Oh, it was," he agreed, "and it really slowed us down. We almost had to cancel Christmas."
"Cancel Christmas? Oh, Santa, no!" cried the little girl in his lap.
"Calm down, sweetie," Santa soothed her. "I said almost."
"Well what happened?" The child asked.
"We just happened to find the Easter Bunny…"
"And the Tooth Fairy…" Jingle added.
"AND the Great Pumpkin…" Harkin elaborated as Santa glared and Sparkle struggled to stifle a laugh.
"Right," Santa agreed, "All three of them were vacationing in Bermuda, and they agreed to help us out. They used their magic to deliver gifts for us that night."
"YEA!!!" the crowd cheered.
"But let me tell you something," Sparkle said. "There was a trade-off." Indicating Jingle, Harkin, and herself, she said, "We had to help all of them with their responsibilities. I don't know about my friends here, but I never want to see another Easter egg, pumpkin-patch, or loose tooth as long as I live."
Jingle shuddered violently making her bells tinkle, and Harkin made a face.
"Didn't Santa help?" a redheaded waif with his arm in a sling wanted to know.
Still holding the little blonde girl, Santa stood up and started toward the door. "Oh, I wanted to," he insisted, "but Sparkle, Jingle, and Harkin wouldn't let me. Part of their job is to make sure all the children in the house are asleep, and their mistake created the problem in the first place. So they wanted to take responsibility for squaring things up with the people who helped us out."
He handed the little girl off to Dr. Sloan and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Shaking a finger at all the children, he admonished them, "Remember what you heard here today. Listen to your parents and go to bed when they tell you, and when you make a mistake, take responsibility for fixing it."
As his elves gathered round him, he waved and slowly walked away. When he was out of sight, the children heard him call out, "HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."
Back in Olivia's office, Santa and his three elves transformed quickly. All of them were exhilarated by the experience of entertaining the crowd.
"Man, Liv! That was great!" Jesse exclaimed.
"Where did you ever learn those stories, sweetie?" Steve asked.
"I made them up."
"On the spot?" Susan said in disbelief.
Olivia shrugged and said, "I've always had a knack for that sort of thing."
"Well, you're remarkably good at it," Steve complimented.
"Yeah, and what's up with the back flip?" Jesse asked.
"Now that was amazing!" Steve said.
"Oh, I used to be a cheerleader. Since I was small, they used me for all the stunts. I had to learn some acrobatics."
"Where's my watch?" Jesse asked.
Olivia unlocked the desk drawer. As she concentrated on putting on her own jewelry and taking off her makeup, Steve surreptitiously rooted his poor, denuded teddy bear out of the trash can where it had been deposited and slipped it in his pocket. When he saw it after Chris Not Kringle had clipped its hair off he had felt a certain empathy that had weighed on him throughout Santa's visit. Now, he had plans for the pathetic little thing.
Liv almost caught him when she grabbed his hand and rubbed a dab of red lipstick into the palm. She did the same to Jesse, Susan, and herself.
"What's that for?" he asked.
"We all got to pet Rudolph's nose, didn't we?"
"Another great idea, Liv," Susan said, "Where do you get them?"
Olivia smiled and said, "I dunno, sometimes the spirit just moves me."
As they rode in the elevator, Olivia rubbed reindeer hair all over everyone, saying, "Just follow my lead. It'll be great."
When they arrived at the party, Steve made the apologies for all of them. "Sorry we're late, Dad."
"That's all right, son. Santa told us where you were. Did you have fun with the reindeer?"
"Oh, they were great! Did you know they can talk?" Steve said in wonder.
"Can't say as I did," Mark said. "Of course, I've never heard of Ralph before either. Is he really chubby?"
"Oh, Mark," Jesse joined in with a laugh from a seat beside one of his patients, "he looks like a dust bunny on stilts. He's round all over!"
"Jesse!" Susan said in a warning tone. "Don't be so mean."
"Well, how would you describe him?" Jesse demanded.
"Pleasingly plump," Susan responded with a saucy grin.
Over by Timmy's bed, Steve started to brush the hair off his clothes, saying, "Whatever you might say about Ralph, all of them are hairy little buggers."
Olivia caught Steve's hands and wailed, "Don't DO that!"
"Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I guess it's not very sanitary, is it?"
"Never mind that." Olivia said. "Remember what Comet said?"
"What?"
"It's magical!" She looked at Mark and said, "Dr. Sloan, can you find us a couple rolls of scotch tape."
"I'm on it," Mark told her.
"Dr. Regis, what kind of magic does it have?" Timmy asked.
"Well, Timmy," Olivia said as she caught the tape Mark tossed her. "According to Comet, if you have it in your hand on midnight Christmas Eve and dream about reindeer, you can fly with them and see your house from Santa's sleigh."
"Wow!" the children chorused.
"Now," Olivia said, "among the four of us, I think we have enough reindeer hair to give each of you a little bit. It might still work tonight since it's still Christmas, but if it doesn't, you can always try again next year."
"Yea!!" came the cheer.
As Jesse wrapped tape around his hand, his young patient grabbed it and asked, "Did you burn your hand, Dr. Travis?"
"Huh?" Looking at his hand, Jesse said, "Oh, that? I got to pet Rudolph's nose, and it rubbed off a little."
"Did it hurt?" the child asked.
"Oh, it tingled a little at first, but now I don't feel a thing."
"I meant did it hurt Rudolph?"
"Oh!" Jesse laughed. "No, he liked it. Hey, Susan, Rudolph let all of us pet his nose, didn't he?"
"He sure did," she agreed, holding up her palm to show her red spot.
Steve and Olivia followed suit and the four of them were met with Oooh!s and Aaah!s.
Dr. Sloan and his friends visited a while longer, making sure that each child got some reindeer hair and had the chance to inspect the marks left by Rudolph's nose, and they were all properly impressed with the gifts the children proudly showed off. Steve, Jesse, Olivia, and Susan listened attentively as several of the children reenacted the terrible tale of the horrible Eustace Spurge. Finally, it was time to go.
Mark, Steve, Olivia, Jesse, and Susan wished everyone a very Merry Christmas, and headed off to their Christmas dinner in Malibu.
As Mark, Steve and Olivia, and Jesse and Susan approached the children's ward at Community General Hospital, a very flustered nurse came running up to them. Amanda had decided to take the kids to her mom's house for a while, so she wasn't there.
"Oh, Dr. Sloan," the nurse wailed, "thank goodness you're finally here. It's awful, doctor, just awful!"
"Calm down, Jennie," Mark said in his most soothing voice, "and tell me what's wrong."
The older woman's cheeks and nose were pink, and her eyes were watery as if she had just finished crying or was about to start. She was trembling, which made the wattles of loose flesh on her neck wiggle as she told her story with her arms flailing about like the sails on a windmill.
"Howard called, Dr. Sloan."
Mark looked at his watch and said, "He's running a bit late, isn't he?"
Jennie grabbed Mark's arm in a death grip and jerked him close to her. In a conspiratorial whisper she told him, "No, he's not late, doctor, he isn't coming. He and all three of his kids have the flu."
"Oh, poor Howard, I know how he enjoys this par…"
"Forget 'poor Howard,'" Jennie said emphatically. "We have no Santa Claus. The children will be so disappointed. I was hoping you'd have an idea."
She hauled Mark with her as she went to the nurses' station and thrust a large box into his hands. "Here are the costumes," she said as she continued to clutch at his arm. "Santa and three elves, just like last year."
"Well, Jennie, what do you expect me to do?"
"I don't know, doctor, but you simply must do something. These sick little children are expecting to meet Santa today, and you can't let them down."
"I…I'll see what I can do, Jennie, but…"
"Good! Now I've got to get back to the party. Please do hurry, the children are getting impatient." With that, she scuttled back to the game room, presumably to single-handedly keep the party from disintegrating while the children waited for Santa.
"Well, Dad," Steve said as he approached with a smirk, "It looks like you're in quite a pickle."
"I sure am, and I don't know what to do about it." He pulled the top to the Santa suit out of the box and shook out the wrinkles. After holding it at arms length for a moment, he started to grin and looked at Steve and Jesse appraisingly. "Did she say Santa and three elves?"
After a moment of stone cold silence, Steve caught his drift, held up his hands, and started backing away. "No way, Dad. No, I'm not going to do it."
Suddenly Jesse caught on and joined Steve in protest. "I can't do it, Mark. Some of those kids are my patients. I promised to come visit them today. I can't be an elf and be myself at the same party."
Olivia caught Steve by the arm and returned Mark's grin, saying, "I don't know, Susan, I think it would be fun, don't you?"
Susan sidled up to Jesse and grabbed his elbow, "Yeah, Liv, I think it would be great. We really should do it. For the kids."
"But Olivia," Jesse whined, "little Timmy Robbins! You promised to visit him today."
"Oh, I will, Jess," she assured him, "after we've fed Santa's reindeer."
"Liv," Steve insisted, "there is no way I am doing this. Two years ago, Dad roped me into singing with his barbershop quartet, and I made a fool of myself. Not this year."
Olivia cuddled up close to Steve. Tracing her fingers lightly over his chest, she said, "Steve, sweetie?"
"Mmm?"
"You know that…special…package you wanted to unwrap today before breakfast?" she asked in a syrupy-sweet tone.
Steve's eyes drifted closed and he smiled and sighed, "Mmmm."
Stepping away and folding her arms she told him flatly, "It can wait until your birthday."
Feigning surprise, Susan moved away from Jesse to stand beside Olivia. "You know, Liv, I think I got Jesse the same gift. He might see it at Easter."
Mark watched as the two young women stood there, facing off against their men, arms folded, staring coldly. After a moment, Jesse turned to Steve and said, "We're going to do this, aren't we?"
"Yep."
Jesse and Steve turned to the girls.
"Ok, we're in," Steve said.
"What have you got in mind, Liv, and what are you going to do about the patients who are expecting to see us in person?" Jesse demanded.
"Relax," Olivia said with a broad grin, "I have a plan."
Like a general marshaling her troops, she set them each a specific assignment.
"Susan, I need you to get three…" inspecting Steve and the Santa suit, she changed her mind, "…make that four of the fluffiest pillows you can find. Also get a couple of rolls of gauze."
"Right."
"Jesse, in the closet in physical therapy, they have a big box of musical instruments. In there, you'll find a stick with about forty thousand million jingle bells on it. I'll need that, and see if you can find something that will snap like a whip. If you can't find it, your belt will do."
"Ok."
"Steve, go to the gift shop and buy a stuffed animal with lots of brown, fuzzy, fur. It doesn't have to be big, just hairy."
"What kind of animal?"
"Doesn't matter, babe. We're going to shave it."
"Say again?"
"I'll explain later. Mark, find an orderly, a janitor, a warm body with two hands, whatever, and send him to my office. Then go entertain the kids for a while. If anyone asks about us, say we're on our way. If they ask about Santa, tell them you saw him earlier this morning and he said he'd be by as soon as he finished at the orphanage."
"Ok. What orphanage?"
"Does it matter? Just tell Jennie we've got it covered."
"Right."
Clapping her hands and rubbing them together, she said, "Jesse, Steve, Susan, meet me in my office in ten minutes." Then she grabbed the box of costumes and practically danced down the hall and into the elevator. Steve thought she looked like a storybook sprite. 'No,' he made a mental correction, 'she's an elf.'
The four remaining friends broke from their little huddle and set off to accomplish their individual missions, each wondering exactly what Olivia had in mind.
The orderly was the first to arrive at Olivia's office. He was quite surprised to find a redheaded elf dressed like a giant green and white candy cane ironing Santa's suit in the office of the head of orthopedic medicine. Her vest and very short shorts were dark green velvet, and her turtleneck, tights, and stocking cap were green and white striped with glittery silver threads running through them. Her curly-toed shoes were metallic green, and she wore glittery green eye shadow and lipstick as well.
"Uh…are you Dr. Regis?"
"Yep! Did Dr. Sloan send you?"
"Yes, ma'am…he…uh…he said you needed help up here."
"I will in just a few minutes. For now just have a seat. What's you're name?"
"Uh…Chris."
"Kringle?"
"Ma'am?"
"It was a joke, Chris. Just relax."
"Yes, ma'am."
Susan arrived next, followed seconds later by Jesse and Steve. Again, Olivia went into overdrive giving orders to her troops.
"Everybody, meet Chris."
"Kringle?" asked Jesse.
"No, Jess," Olivia told him. "We've already covered that ground."
"You're on auto-pilot, aren't you?" Steve asked.
"Betcherlife! Chris is going to be our prop manager and sound effects man. Jesse, Steve, did you get what I asked for?"
They tossed their finds to her simultaneously, and she was the only one not surprised when she caught them both.
"Good. Great! Ok, Steve, strip to your shorts and t-shirt. Jesse and Susan, use the gauze to hold the pillows on, and then help him get into the suit."
Taking the stuffed bear Steve had bought, she handed it to Chris and said, "Get the scissors out of the top drawer of my desk and trim the hair off this thing. Get a big envelope out of the bottom drawer to hold it so it doesn't blow all over the place."
"Why am I doing this, Dr. Regis?"
"We need reindeer hair."
"Huh?"
"Pay attention, son, and you'll catch on. Everybody listen so we keep our stories straight. Kids are surprisingly sophisticated now days, and they'll smell a rat if we don't do this right."
As she ironed the rest of the costumes, Olivia carefully set the scene for her players.
"Santa, after your ho-ho-hos and Merry Christmases, the first thing you need to do is make sure everybody hears you telling Dr. Sloan that his son and his friends are on the roof taking care of the reindeer, but they'll be along later. That way the kids will understand why we're not there. Do you know the names of all the reindeer?"
"Yeah."
"Tell me."
Steve rolled his eyes heavenward in thought for a moment. Olivia interrupted before he could begin. "The kids will know it's a fake if you do that."
"Do what?"
"Look at the ceiling as if the answer were written there. Try again." Mimicking a child's voice, she asked, "Santa, what are the reindeer's names?"
Looking her in the eye this time, Steve rattled them off, grunting as Jesse and Susan wrapped the gauze tightly around his middle and the pillows. "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, Rudolph, and Ralph."
"Ralph?!" Everyone asked in unison.
"That's how you know I'm the real Santa," he said with a grin as he buttoned his coat and put on his beard and white hair. "Nobody else knows about Ralph."
Olivia grinned, pleased that Steve was getting into the spirit of things. "Very clever, Santa. Now, once you tell Dr. Sloan that his friends are with the reindeer, let him know that you're sorry you're late, but people have left you so many trays with cookies and milk this year that you're running behind schedule."
"That's why I brought Ralph. He helps me eat the cookies, but he's getting full, too." Santa slipped on his pants, buckled his belt, and stomped into his boots as his other two elves quickly dressed. "I'm just so pleased with how kind and generous people have been this year, if I could keep up the pace, I'd make everyday Christmas Day from now until New Years."
"Very good, Santa!" Olivia lavished her praise. "Everybody remember, Ralph's a little sensitive about his weight, so if the kids ever see him, they shouldn't say anything about it. Now, everyone knows Santa, but who are we?" She rolled her eyes and then looked at her glittery green shoes. "I'm Sparkle!" Looking at Susan, she asked, "Who are you?"
Susan's dark blue and white outfit was cut in the same style as Sparkle's but where Sparkle's had stripes, Susan's had checks. Instead of glitter, Susan had bells trimming her suit. As she put her elf-slippers on, her bells made their happy sound, striking her with sudden inspiration. "I'm Jingle!" she said.
Jesse sat pouting on the couch in a dark red suit like the others but decorated with a diamond pattern instead of stripes or checks. He didn't have bells or glitter, but his suit was trimmed with satin. When the girls looked at him, he shrugged. "I don't know. Help me out."
Sparkle thought a moment more and then snapped her fingers. "Harkin!" she proclaimed.
"Harkin?" Jesse made a face. "What's a Harkin?"
"I read it in a romance novel when I was a kid. It's an old Irish name. It means 'dark red.' I think it sounds much more sophisticated than Rusty."
"Harkin." He tried the name on his tongue. "I don't know. It's a little weird, isn't it?"
"No," Jingle told him, "it's not weird. It's unusual."
"It's extraordinary," Sparkle agreed.
"Harkin." A slow grin spread across his face. "Harkin! I like it. Ok, I'm Harkin."
"Ok, Santa, who are your elves?"
Pointing to them in turn, he said, "Sparkle, Jingle, and Harkin."
"Right, and the reindeer?"
He ticked them off on his fingers as he named them, "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, Rudolph, and Ralph. Ralph helps me eat the cookies, and he's sensitive about his weight. So if you ever meet him, please don't say anything about his being chubby."
"Let's hear your ho-ho-ho."
His first try was somewhat feeble, as he was feeling self-conscious.
"I *know* you can do better than that," Sparkle encouraged him, putting a hand on his bulging stomach. She took one of his hands and put it over her own flat belly and modeled. "Lower your voice and use your abs to shake that gut. Ho! Ho! Ho!"
He tried again, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
Sparkle shook her head, "You're Santa Claus, not the Jolly Green Giant. Be more…" her hands waved vaguely in the air trying to paint the image she wanted, "…ebullient."
"Ebullient?"
"Merry."
"Oh!" Santa tried again, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
"Better, now louder."
"HO! HO! HO!"
Sparkle laughed and clapped. "Wonderful, Santa! That's perfect! Now, after we deliver the gifts and visit for a while, we'll come back up here and turn back into Steve, Jesse, Susan, and Olivia. We'll sprinkle some of this reindeer hair Chris Not Kringle produced for us on our clothes and go back down to join the party."
"Sounds like a plan," Harkin agreed.
"Let's go," said Jingle.
"Uh, Liv?"
"Tut-tut, Santa. Olivia isn't here right now."
Santa grinned and said, "Sparkle, where are the presents?"
"Oh!" Chris Not Kringle shouted, "Dr. Sloan told me to tell you they were in a big bag in the office behind the nurses station on the children's ward."
"Perfect," said Sparkle. "I love it when a plan comes together." She picked up the phone and dialed the children's ward. "Dr. Sloan, please." A moment later, she continued, "Dr. Sloan? This is Sparkle, one of the elves….Uh-huh.…Yes….We'll be there in five minutes….Ok. See you soon….Good bye."
Turning to her companions, Sparkle gave one last set of instructions before they left Olivia's office. "Remember, Steve, Jesse, Susan, and Olivia are on the roof with the reindeer. Ralph helps eat the cookies and he's sensitive about his weight. Pointing to the other elves and herself in turn, she said, Harkin, Jingle, and Sparkle. Right?"
"Right!" responded her friends.
She took off her necklace and watch and put them in the desk. "Kids'll spot watches, rings, bracelets, and necklaces in a heartbeat. Stow 'em in here for now." A small collection of jewelry was deposited in Olivia's drawer, which Sparkle then locked.
She handed the orderly the jingle bells and a belt and said, "Chris Not Kringle, ride down in the elevator with us. When we get there, sneak up close to the game room, and shake the bells. Then snap the belt. Don't let any of the kids see you, or you'll ruin everything. Wait around, and do the same thing again, about five minutes after we leave. Got it?"
"Yes, ma'am," the young man agreed.
"Ok, let's go."
Santa and his elves had a wonderful time at the Community General Children's Ward Christmas party. As Santa passed out the gifts he had brought, he made sure to talk to Dr. Sloan about his son and friends.
"Ho! Ho! Ho! By the way, Dr. Sloan, we saw your son Steve and his friends, Dr. Travis, Nurse Hilliard, and Dr. Regis, on the way in and asked them to take care of the reindeer."
"Oh, really, Santa?"
"Yessiree. Ho! Ho! They're very good boys and girls, so they agreed. They just wanted you to know they'd be a little late to the party, but they will definitely be here."
"Ok, Santa," Mark said with a grin. "Thanks for the message."
Just then, Santa felt a shy little tug on his sleeve. He sat on the gurney next to a slip of a child with his leg in a huge white cast who said, "My name is Timmy Robbins, Santa."
"Well, of course it is, Timmy. I know who you are, and I know you've been a good little boy this year…at least as good as you can be."
The little boy laughed and admitted, "I try, but sometimes I'm not so good."
"I know that, Timmy, but Santa just wants to know that you tried your best."
Timmy's eyes got big and he said, "Oh, I did, Santa! I really did!"
"Ho! Ho! Ho! I know that, too, Timmy. That's why I have a gift in my sack for you." He handed the Timmy a brightly wrapped package.
"Thank you, Santa!" The child tore the gift open to reveal the hot new action toy of the season. "This is just what I wanted!"
"I knew that, too, Timmy."
Timmy's initial reserve had finally melted and in a loud piping voice he asked, "Santa can we go see the reindeer?"
As one the room full of children responded, "Yeah!!!"
Santa apologized, "I'm sorry, kids, they're up on the roof, and it's too cold and windy for you to be out there."
One clever little fellow suggested, "Maybe Dr. Travis and his friends can bring them down here."
"Oh, no," Harkin said. "They have such thick fur, it would be too warm for them inside. They're used to the cold weather at the North Pole."
"Besides," Santa said, "Ralph would eat all your cookies."
Timmy looked up at Santa and asked, "Who's Ralph?"
Santa looked at the boy and asked, "You don't know about Ralph?"
Timmy shook his head.
Looking at the other kids and adults, Santa asked, "Do any of you know about Ralph?"
There was a chorus of no's, and Jingle said, "I told you no one had ever heard of him."
Sparkle said, "I tried to get him to let Mr. Clement Clarke Moore include him in that poem, 'Twas the Night before Christmas', but that would mean he'd have to have his picture made, and you know how he is about that."
"Well, it wouldn't be a problem," Harkin said, "if he'd lay off the cookies."
"Now, Harkin," Santa said, "that's not nice."
"Santa," Dr. Sloan asked, "Who's Ralph?"
"Ralph is the tenth reindeer," Santa said. He explained everything while his elves finished delivering the gifts. "Everybody has always known about Dasher, Dancer, Prancer Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, and Blitzen, and then they met Rudolph in that song, but Ralph's really sensitive about his weight. He never poses for pictures with the other reindeer, so no one knows about him. You see people put out so many plates of cookies and milk for me, I can't possibly eat them all myself, so Ralph helps me, and that really packs on the pounds."
"I see," said Dr. Sloan, barely hiding a grin. "Well, Santa, we have a very good weight control and nutrition clinic here at the hospital. Maybe Ralph could enroll in it."
"That's a good idea, Dr. Sloan" Santa said. "I'll tell him about it. Right now, though, I think it's time he gets some more exercise. We need to be going, there's a homeless shelter we still need to stop at before we leave the city."
"Ok, Santa. Thanks for coming by, and have a Merry Christmas."
"Santa! Santa!" Timmy cried, "Can you show us how you disappear up a chimney?"
"I'm sorry, Timmy, but there aren't any chimneys in the hospital."
"I know," Timmy agreed, "but my mom says you make them appear where there aren't any just so you can get in and out."
Santa was at a loss. He looked to Dr. Sloan to explain, but Dr. Sloan just looked to Harkin, who looked to Jingle who looked to Sparkle. Sparkle looked back to Santa, but spoke to the kids.
"Timmy, how did your mom know that? Did she stay up past her bedtime as a little girl?"
Timmy's eyes grew wide as he looked at Sparkle. "I don't know. Is she in trouble?"
"No, Timmy, not anymore. She's grown up now. But I think I know where she found out." Pulling a chair into the center of the room, Sparkle got everyone's attention before she continued speaking.
Sparkle did a back flip and landed standing on the seat of the chair.
Harkin muttered, "Show off."
Sparkle blew Harkin a kiss, grinned, and said, "Grouchy." Then she slowly sank down to sit cross-legged in the chair. "What else have you kids heard about how Santa gets into a house without a chimney?"
"He climbs through the window!"
"He uses the door!"
"He just appears!"
"He shrinks until he can squeeze under the door then he grows again!"
Sparkle waved both hands in the air to stop the flood of responses. "I'm going to tell you all about it, but first, I want you to know, Santa has a lot of helpers who look like him. They don't know all his tricks, and they don't know about Ralph, and they certainly don't know Harkin, Jingle, and me. That's ok. They're just his helpers. They might say they're Santa, and that's ok, too. They have his permission to impersonate him, because anybody who's nice and does good things for other people has a little bit of Santa in them."
Pointing to Santa, she said, "But this guy's the real deal, and he'll tell you everything I say about him is true."
"Now, Timmy, your mom was right," Sparkle began.
"I knew it!" the boy shouted excitedly.
"Oh, but Timmy, that's only part of the story. Let me tell you about it." The crowd hushed and gathered around to hear Sparkle's story. Santa grinned; he could tell Sparkle loved to be the center of attention, and he knew she was quite a talented storyteller.
Lowering her voice, Sparkle began again. "It happened a hundred and ninety- three years ago. That was the first Christmas I joined Santa on his rounds. A very naughty little boy named Eustace Spurge stayed up all night so he could catch Santa coming down the chimney. Do you know why you have to go to bed before Santa can visit you on Christmas Eve?"
A chorus of voices, young and old asked, "Why?"
"Because Santa's magic is very, very special magic," Sparkle said in a confidential tone. "It was given to him a thousand years ago by the Good Witch of the North--the same one you read about in the Wizard of Oz--but there's a condition. Do you know what that condition is?"
Again, the chorus asked, "What?"
"If Santa lets any mortal see his magic, he loses it for a whole year." Sparkle leaned forward in the chair, put her palms on the floor, and went into a handstand. She neatly pirouetted away from the chair on one hand, landed on her feet, and went to Santa. Taking him by the arm, she led him to the chair and sat him down. She picked up a little blonde girl and sat her in his lap. Then she moved to stand behind him with her hands on his shoulders.
"Isn't that right, Santa?"
"That's true, Sparkle."
"You see, boys and girls, Santa doesn't like to admit it, but he was a bit of a show-off in his younger days. So, the Good Witch made sure he couldn't show off with his magic. She just didn't consider some of the problems her condition would create."
Sparkle paused dramatically, waiting until someone asked, "What kind of problems?"
She pointed at the child and said, "I'm glad you asked." She walked around the game room telling the story as much with her hands as with her voice.
"We had just finished our delivery at Eustace Spurge's house. It was supposed to be a short visit. All we had were switches and coal."
The children murmured in horror. They'd all heard of children who received switches and coal for Christmas, but none of them had actually known any.
Jingle grinned to think that some of them probably didn't even know what switches were. They just knew they were horrible.
"That's right," Sparkle assured them all, "Santa really leaves them for naughty children, and old Eustace was one of the naughtiest I've ever seen." She picked up a little girl's stuffed dog and made it bark and said, "But I can see all of you are really very good children, so you'll never have to worry about that."
She sat the toy in the little girl's lap and continued her story. "Any way, as we were leaving, Eustace the Naughty came sneaking down the steps." Sparkle stuck out her tongue, scrunched up her face, and mimicked a wicked child tip-toeing down a flight of stairs. The audience booed her villain before succumbing to giggles at her wild antics.
She leaped high in the air and twisted about, shouting, "And he SPOTTED Santa…" The crowd squealed in horror as she landed in a crouch pointing at the hero of her story, "…going up the chimney!"
When the room was still again, she rose from her crouch and went on with the tale. "Do you know what happened?"
"WHAT, SPARKLE?" children and adults alike begged to know.
She lowered her voice to a mere whisper and said, "It was the most awful thing I've ever seen. Santa lost his magic right then and there and he got STUCK in the chimney!"
She waited, motionless in the dead silence, for someone to urge her to continue.
"What did he do, Sparkle?" asked one of the nurses.
"There was nothing he could do, nurse. He was stuck. Harkin, Jingle, and I had to climb out on the roof, slide down the chimney, and jump up and down on his jiggle-butt until he POPPED out into the fireplace. His magic protects him from soot, and smoke, and fire, so by the time we got him out of there, he was dirty, smelly, and scorched."
"It must have been awful, Santa," a child sympathized.
"Oh, it was," he agreed, "and it really slowed us down. We almost had to cancel Christmas."
"Cancel Christmas? Oh, Santa, no!" cried the little girl in his lap.
"Calm down, sweetie," Santa soothed her. "I said almost."
"Well what happened?" The child asked.
"We just happened to find the Easter Bunny…"
"And the Tooth Fairy…" Jingle added.
"AND the Great Pumpkin…" Harkin elaborated as Santa glared and Sparkle struggled to stifle a laugh.
"Right," Santa agreed, "All three of them were vacationing in Bermuda, and they agreed to help us out. They used their magic to deliver gifts for us that night."
"YEA!!!" the crowd cheered.
"But let me tell you something," Sparkle said. "There was a trade-off." Indicating Jingle, Harkin, and herself, she said, "We had to help all of them with their responsibilities. I don't know about my friends here, but I never want to see another Easter egg, pumpkin-patch, or loose tooth as long as I live."
Jingle shuddered violently making her bells tinkle, and Harkin made a face.
"Didn't Santa help?" a redheaded waif with his arm in a sling wanted to know.
Still holding the little blonde girl, Santa stood up and started toward the door. "Oh, I wanted to," he insisted, "but Sparkle, Jingle, and Harkin wouldn't let me. Part of their job is to make sure all the children in the house are asleep, and their mistake created the problem in the first place. So they wanted to take responsibility for squaring things up with the people who helped us out."
He handed the little girl off to Dr. Sloan and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Shaking a finger at all the children, he admonished them, "Remember what you heard here today. Listen to your parents and go to bed when they tell you, and when you make a mistake, take responsibility for fixing it."
As his elves gathered round him, he waved and slowly walked away. When he was out of sight, the children heard him call out, "HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."
Back in Olivia's office, Santa and his three elves transformed quickly. All of them were exhilarated by the experience of entertaining the crowd.
"Man, Liv! That was great!" Jesse exclaimed.
"Where did you ever learn those stories, sweetie?" Steve asked.
"I made them up."
"On the spot?" Susan said in disbelief.
Olivia shrugged and said, "I've always had a knack for that sort of thing."
"Well, you're remarkably good at it," Steve complimented.
"Yeah, and what's up with the back flip?" Jesse asked.
"Now that was amazing!" Steve said.
"Oh, I used to be a cheerleader. Since I was small, they used me for all the stunts. I had to learn some acrobatics."
"Where's my watch?" Jesse asked.
Olivia unlocked the desk drawer. As she concentrated on putting on her own jewelry and taking off her makeup, Steve surreptitiously rooted his poor, denuded teddy bear out of the trash can where it had been deposited and slipped it in his pocket. When he saw it after Chris Not Kringle had clipped its hair off he had felt a certain empathy that had weighed on him throughout Santa's visit. Now, he had plans for the pathetic little thing.
Liv almost caught him when she grabbed his hand and rubbed a dab of red lipstick into the palm. She did the same to Jesse, Susan, and herself.
"What's that for?" he asked.
"We all got to pet Rudolph's nose, didn't we?"
"Another great idea, Liv," Susan said, "Where do you get them?"
Olivia smiled and said, "I dunno, sometimes the spirit just moves me."
As they rode in the elevator, Olivia rubbed reindeer hair all over everyone, saying, "Just follow my lead. It'll be great."
When they arrived at the party, Steve made the apologies for all of them. "Sorry we're late, Dad."
"That's all right, son. Santa told us where you were. Did you have fun with the reindeer?"
"Oh, they were great! Did you know they can talk?" Steve said in wonder.
"Can't say as I did," Mark said. "Of course, I've never heard of Ralph before either. Is he really chubby?"
"Oh, Mark," Jesse joined in with a laugh from a seat beside one of his patients, "he looks like a dust bunny on stilts. He's round all over!"
"Jesse!" Susan said in a warning tone. "Don't be so mean."
"Well, how would you describe him?" Jesse demanded.
"Pleasingly plump," Susan responded with a saucy grin.
Over by Timmy's bed, Steve started to brush the hair off his clothes, saying, "Whatever you might say about Ralph, all of them are hairy little buggers."
Olivia caught Steve's hands and wailed, "Don't DO that!"
"Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I guess it's not very sanitary, is it?"
"Never mind that." Olivia said. "Remember what Comet said?"
"What?"
"It's magical!" She looked at Mark and said, "Dr. Sloan, can you find us a couple rolls of scotch tape."
"I'm on it," Mark told her.
"Dr. Regis, what kind of magic does it have?" Timmy asked.
"Well, Timmy," Olivia said as she caught the tape Mark tossed her. "According to Comet, if you have it in your hand on midnight Christmas Eve and dream about reindeer, you can fly with them and see your house from Santa's sleigh."
"Wow!" the children chorused.
"Now," Olivia said, "among the four of us, I think we have enough reindeer hair to give each of you a little bit. It might still work tonight since it's still Christmas, but if it doesn't, you can always try again next year."
"Yea!!" came the cheer.
As Jesse wrapped tape around his hand, his young patient grabbed it and asked, "Did you burn your hand, Dr. Travis?"
"Huh?" Looking at his hand, Jesse said, "Oh, that? I got to pet Rudolph's nose, and it rubbed off a little."
"Did it hurt?" the child asked.
"Oh, it tingled a little at first, but now I don't feel a thing."
"I meant did it hurt Rudolph?"
"Oh!" Jesse laughed. "No, he liked it. Hey, Susan, Rudolph let all of us pet his nose, didn't he?"
"He sure did," she agreed, holding up her palm to show her red spot.
Steve and Olivia followed suit and the four of them were met with Oooh!s and Aaah!s.
Dr. Sloan and his friends visited a while longer, making sure that each child got some reindeer hair and had the chance to inspect the marks left by Rudolph's nose, and they were all properly impressed with the gifts the children proudly showed off. Steve, Jesse, Olivia, and Susan listened attentively as several of the children reenacted the terrible tale of the horrible Eustace Spurge. Finally, it was time to go.
Mark, Steve, Olivia, Jesse, and Susan wished everyone a very Merry Christmas, and headed off to their Christmas dinner in Malibu.