Chapter 39. (February 8. Pennsylvania.)
"You can help me, Steve, or you can get out of my way, but if you try to stop me I will never forgive you," Olivia whispered to him in the back pew of the church. The minister had invited any of Ted's friends to come forward and say a few words, but no one had stirred. Without a second thought, Liv was on her feet.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Steve continued to bar the way.
"I *need* to do this, babe." She gave him that absolutely serious look she saved for times when she wanted her words to make a powerful impact, and it had the desired effect.
Steve stepped aside, wishing his dad were there to talk some sense into her. Steve and Olivia had come to the funeral straight from the hospital in a rented car because Liv couldn't shift gears on the jeep with a broken hand and she didn't trust Steve's driving on icy roads. Mark had spent the night at Liv's house and was probably still sleeping off the effects of jet lag
There were gasps and murmurs throughout the building as people recognized the diminutive redhead making her way to the front of the church. Clearly, people were surprised to see her there, and they were curious about what she had to say. Glancing around, Steve had the uneasy feeling that some members of the congregation were looking forward to a little drama. He thought it morbid that their eyes lit up at the prospect of what Liv might say about the death of a man who had once been her friend before trying several times to kill her.
When Olivia took the podium, though, she made him proud.
"Greetings. You all know who I am and how I know Teddy, and frankly, if you don't, you don't belong here. I'm sure, too, that some of you came here, not to pay your final respects, but expecting me to be here and hoping to see some kind of a scene. I am pleased to say you will be disappointed. I suppose such expectations, while completely inexcusable, are not entirely unforgivable. I am glad you are here, despite your motivations, and I hope you will support the Baer family during this difficult time."
As Steve studied the congregation, he noticed several sheepish looks, and a few clearly repentant faces.
"We are burying two men today. One is the violent, twisted man who attacked Keith Stephens and me twelve years ago, tracked me to New York, and tried to kill my fiancé and me in my own house just a few days ago. That man was evil. He was sick, and he was dangerous, and we are all safer now that he is gone. He took one of my oldest and dearest friends away from me, and I hated him for it. I will not mourn his passing, and I will never speak or think of him again."
Again, there were mutters throughout the sanctuary. Folks were expecting things to get exciting. Liv waited for them to hush.
"I am here today…to mourn the passing of Theodore Roosevelt, a.k.a. Teddy, Baer."
Even at the back of the church, Steve had heard the tremor in her voice, and the whole congregation waited silently for her to steady herself before she continued.
"I choose from this day forward, to remember Teddy as he was when we were young. I'll remember him holding Mush, the calico cat he hand raised after its mother abandoned it. I remember him holding this tiny, ugly little creature with a great, gaping, mewling mouth. Mush was the ugliest cat I have ever seen…"
Some people in the church chuckled. Obviously, they had seen the cat. Steve saw Meg Baer dab at her eyes, but she was smiling through her tears.
Olivia continued.
"Teddy was trying to get him to take some milk from an eye-dropper, but the kitten wasn't doing well. Teddy looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, 'I don't know what to do, O. Dad says I should just let him die, but I can't. He's so helpless and ugly, somebody should care about him.'"
Liv's voice cracked, and she had to pause before she continued.
"I didn't know what to tell Teddy. The kitten would need constant attention if it was to survive, and between school, chores, and practice, I didn't know how Teddy could save him. Then Teddy looked at me and asked, 'Do you think it would make a difference if he had a name? Maybe if he had a name I could call him, he'd know I care if he lives or dies.'
"Well, I shrugged and told Teddy it might be possible, and he asked me, 'What do you think I should call him?'
"I told him I didn't have any idea what he should call the cat, but I thought it was adorable how that tiny little ball of fluff had turned one great, big, football-playing, farm boy into a big ball of mush. Teddy laughed, a little embarrassed, and decided to call the cat Mush.
"I found out years later, when Mush was hit by a car and Keith and I helped bury him, that Teddy had snuck him into the house in a milk crate and kept him in his room. He talked his mom into looking after Mush while he was at school by promising to plant her an herb garden in the spring, and when he was home, he fed the kitten every two hours, even waking up in the middle of the night to look after him."
There was a silence when Olivia paused, and as Steve looked around, he noticed nearly everyone was weeping.
"That is the Teddy Baer I will choose to remember. I will remember the friend who taught me to drive when everyone else was either too afraid of my lack of coordination or too worried about looking stupid in that God- awful pink jeep to even try. I will remember dressing as Sprout and trick- or-treating with the Jolly Green Giant when I was fifteen and he was eighteen. I will remember sitting on his shoulders at Penn State football games so I could see over the crowd. I will remember a hero pulling me out of the river when I tried to drown myself, even though he'd never learned swim."
Whispers swept through the crowded church as people recalled the various incidents Liv had mentioned and others she hadn't.
"I will choose to remember Teddy Baer as a good and kind and decent and loving friend. I will mourn his passing because I miss him, I will celebrate his life because we are all better for having known him, and I will rejoice knowing that he is now safe in the arms of God. I hope all of you will do the same."
As the whole congregation followed her every move, Liv stepped away from the podium and stood beside the casket for a moment. She put a hand to her lips and then pressed it to Ted's cheek. Going to the family, she hugged and kissed Ted's sister Meg, his brother Tom, and his parents, and then she made her way back to Steve. By the time she took her seat at his side, there was a line of old friends waiting to share pleasant memories
Steve put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I love you so much," he whispered, "And I am so very proud of you." He pulled her to him and kissed her temple. She turned and buried her face in his shoulder and wept softly as Keith began telling about the time he and Ted had talked the Cloud Nine girls into helping them take apart the high school groundskeeper's John Deere tractor only to reassemble it in the second floor teacher's lounge.
Steve and Liv didn't stay long at the wake. She introduced him to Becky and Jimmy Strawcutter, the farmer-tour guides from Gettysburgh, and he found them pleasant enough people although Becky was a bit too academic for his taste. He also met Chris Breth and her girlfriend, a Dr. Jennifer Cohen, who happened to be a former colleague of Olivia's.
"You know," Chris confided to them both, "One thing I do envy you is that when you get married, it will be legal."
Olivia patted her friend on the shoulder and said, "Maybe someday, Chris."
Jennifer said, "Homosexuals will never get a legal marriage as long as there's a conservative Christian Republican in the White House."
Liv rolled her eyes and said, "Leave it to Jen to discuss sex, religion, and politics in a single breath." Turning to Steve, she said, "You'll have to forgive Jen, darling. Her mom's a senator, her dad's a rabbi, and she's gay. She was never taught that normal people do not discuss such topics in polite company."
Steve grinned and nodded.
Jen continued her tirade. "And what's with this 'White House Salute to Gospel Music'? Whatever happened to the Separation of Church and State?"
"Enough, Jen," Liv insisted. "I refuse to talk politics with you. I am delighted that you both are happy, and that's all anyone-gay or straight- has a right to expect from me."
"Anyway," Chris obviously changed the subject, "What about you two, O. Is the wedding still on for Valentine's Day?"
"I'm not sure," Olivia said to Steve's surprise. "Meg and the gang say it is, but I need to talk to Tommy and Mr. and Mrs. Baer. I want to make sure they're all right with it. I don't want to seem disrespectful or anything."
"I can understand, that," Chris said. "It is just a little Shakespearian."
Jennifer quoted, "The funeral baked meats did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables."
Steve closed his eyes and shook his head, wondering if the conversation was really as weird as it seemed or if he was just suffering some strange after- effect of his concussion.
Olivia looked at Jen and said, "Hamlet, right?"
Jennifer nodded, "To Horatio, act one, scene two."
"Yeah, well," Liv continued, "Chris, can I reach you at your parents' house? Once we decide for sure what's happening, I'll call you and let you know."
"Actually, O, we're staying at the Super-8. Mom and Dad won't let us stay in the house together. I'm welcome, but not Jen."
Liv gave her friend a hug. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."
Chris sniffed, and said, "Even if I were straight, I wouldn't make love in their house. You'd think they'd realize I had more respect for them than that."
Jen shrugged and said, "I told you before, Chrissy. They know that. They just don't like me because I'm Jewish."
For a moment, no one knew what to say. Then Jen rolled her eyes and grinned, and they all laughed at the joke. Liv promised to call them at the motel, and she and Steve walked away.
When Jennifer and Chris were out of earshot, Steve said, "Thank God all your friends aren't like that."
Liv froze in her tracks, went rigid all over, folded her arms over her chest and said, "What are you saying, Steve?"
Her tone was cold and deadly, and when he saw fire snapping in her green eyes, he knew he's said the wrong thing. He hadn't meant anything by it, but apparently, she didn't realize that.
"Olivia, listen to me. I don't want a fight, so I'm going to make this as clear as I can."
"Good. I'm all ears."
"I don't care if they're gay. Jen's politics don't bother me at all, and I certainly don't care what religion either of them are."
"Then what's your problem with my friends, Steve?"
"That quote from Hamlet was just way over my head, Liv. If all your friends were like that, I'd never get the jokes."
She studied him through narrowed eyes for a moment, and then smiled broadly and said, "You are a remarkable man, Steve Sloan. I'll never be able to love you enough." Giving him a kiss on the cheek and slipping her good arm around his waist, she said, "Let's go find Meg."
They spotted Meg sitting with her parents, and Steve was horrified when Liv expected him to meet them.
"Liv, I shot their son. I killed him. I shouldn't even be here, let alone meeting them. It can wait for another day."
Rather than answer his concerns, she said, "Look, Meg's waving us over. It will be worse now if you don't come with me."
Steve felt ill. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and gulped. Then he followed Olivia to meet the family. He was trembling as he shook their hands.
Mrs. Bear looked at him and said, "You killed Ted."
"I…" Steve swallowed a lump in his throat. There was nothing to explain, no way to defend himself. He had to do it, but she didn't ask that. What she said was the undeniable truth. "Yes, ma'am, I did."
"You were at the funeral?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Then you know what everyone said about him. You know what our son was like."
"Yes, ma'am. A lot of people are…were…very fond of him." This was pure hell. There was a knot in his stomach the size of a basketball and he desperately wanted to throw up. Only Olivia's arm around his waist kept him from running away.
"Then you know that's not the man you killed."
Steve's head was swimming when Mr. Baer indicated a recently vacated chair. "Sit down before you fall down, son, and don't look so scared. We won't bite."
Steve took the seat gratefully and looked at the older man in confusion. He felt Liv squeeze his good shoulder in a comforting gesture.
"Elaine is trying to tell you," Baer looked at his wife and kids who all nodded slightly, "and we've all agreed, that nobody blames you."
"Mr. Baer…"
"The name's Robert, but you can call me Bob. Now hush and let me finish. You don't look in any shape to argue."
Steve closed his mouth and nodded.
"Meghan told us about her conversation with you in the hospital the day it all happened. What she said goes for all of us. Ted was very sick, son, and, well…"
Meg stepped away for a moment, and Tom took over the conversation now, because it was getting too much for his father.
"None of us had seen Ted in over two years, Steve. Paranoia was a big part of his illness, and he thought we were all out to get him, so he refused our visits. Please don't think us terrible people, but when we heard what happened…" Tom paused to steady his voice, "…we were relieved that it was finally over, and thankful that the two of you would be all right."
Steve wrinkled his brow in confusion and asked, "So, you're saying you all forgive me?"
"No," Elaine said. "We're saying that, as far as we're concerned, you've done nothing that you need to be forgiven for."
Steve put a hand to his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry," he said shaking his head. "I just don't know what to say. This is too much for me to process." He ran a hand over his face and said, "Thank you. You know, if there's anything I can do, just say the word."
Meg had rejoined the group, and smiling, she said, "Now that you mention it…"
"Meg…" her father warned, but she ignored him.
"Name it," Steve said, desperately wanting to show this family how grateful he was that they didn't blame him for Ted's death.
"A little bird just told me that O is still hemming and hawing about the wedding. We've all been through a lot lately. For us," Meg indicated her family and Olivia. "It's like we've spent the last twelve years in mourning. Teddy…the real Teddy…would say it's about time to stop. What we all need is a good party. Convince her to marry you as planned."
Steve laughed with relief and looked up at his bride-to-be. "What do you say, Liv?"
She looked from Tom to Elaine to Bob to Meg and back to Steve with a smile, and said, "Be mine, Valentine?"
"You can help me, Steve, or you can get out of my way, but if you try to stop me I will never forgive you," Olivia whispered to him in the back pew of the church. The minister had invited any of Ted's friends to come forward and say a few words, but no one had stirred. Without a second thought, Liv was on her feet.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Steve continued to bar the way.
"I *need* to do this, babe." She gave him that absolutely serious look she saved for times when she wanted her words to make a powerful impact, and it had the desired effect.
Steve stepped aside, wishing his dad were there to talk some sense into her. Steve and Olivia had come to the funeral straight from the hospital in a rented car because Liv couldn't shift gears on the jeep with a broken hand and she didn't trust Steve's driving on icy roads. Mark had spent the night at Liv's house and was probably still sleeping off the effects of jet lag
There were gasps and murmurs throughout the building as people recognized the diminutive redhead making her way to the front of the church. Clearly, people were surprised to see her there, and they were curious about what she had to say. Glancing around, Steve had the uneasy feeling that some members of the congregation were looking forward to a little drama. He thought it morbid that their eyes lit up at the prospect of what Liv might say about the death of a man who had once been her friend before trying several times to kill her.
When Olivia took the podium, though, she made him proud.
"Greetings. You all know who I am and how I know Teddy, and frankly, if you don't, you don't belong here. I'm sure, too, that some of you came here, not to pay your final respects, but expecting me to be here and hoping to see some kind of a scene. I am pleased to say you will be disappointed. I suppose such expectations, while completely inexcusable, are not entirely unforgivable. I am glad you are here, despite your motivations, and I hope you will support the Baer family during this difficult time."
As Steve studied the congregation, he noticed several sheepish looks, and a few clearly repentant faces.
"We are burying two men today. One is the violent, twisted man who attacked Keith Stephens and me twelve years ago, tracked me to New York, and tried to kill my fiancé and me in my own house just a few days ago. That man was evil. He was sick, and he was dangerous, and we are all safer now that he is gone. He took one of my oldest and dearest friends away from me, and I hated him for it. I will not mourn his passing, and I will never speak or think of him again."
Again, there were mutters throughout the sanctuary. Folks were expecting things to get exciting. Liv waited for them to hush.
"I am here today…to mourn the passing of Theodore Roosevelt, a.k.a. Teddy, Baer."
Even at the back of the church, Steve had heard the tremor in her voice, and the whole congregation waited silently for her to steady herself before she continued.
"I choose from this day forward, to remember Teddy as he was when we were young. I'll remember him holding Mush, the calico cat he hand raised after its mother abandoned it. I remember him holding this tiny, ugly little creature with a great, gaping, mewling mouth. Mush was the ugliest cat I have ever seen…"
Some people in the church chuckled. Obviously, they had seen the cat. Steve saw Meg Baer dab at her eyes, but she was smiling through her tears.
Olivia continued.
"Teddy was trying to get him to take some milk from an eye-dropper, but the kitten wasn't doing well. Teddy looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, 'I don't know what to do, O. Dad says I should just let him die, but I can't. He's so helpless and ugly, somebody should care about him.'"
Liv's voice cracked, and she had to pause before she continued.
"I didn't know what to tell Teddy. The kitten would need constant attention if it was to survive, and between school, chores, and practice, I didn't know how Teddy could save him. Then Teddy looked at me and asked, 'Do you think it would make a difference if he had a name? Maybe if he had a name I could call him, he'd know I care if he lives or dies.'
"Well, I shrugged and told Teddy it might be possible, and he asked me, 'What do you think I should call him?'
"I told him I didn't have any idea what he should call the cat, but I thought it was adorable how that tiny little ball of fluff had turned one great, big, football-playing, farm boy into a big ball of mush. Teddy laughed, a little embarrassed, and decided to call the cat Mush.
"I found out years later, when Mush was hit by a car and Keith and I helped bury him, that Teddy had snuck him into the house in a milk crate and kept him in his room. He talked his mom into looking after Mush while he was at school by promising to plant her an herb garden in the spring, and when he was home, he fed the kitten every two hours, even waking up in the middle of the night to look after him."
There was a silence when Olivia paused, and as Steve looked around, he noticed nearly everyone was weeping.
"That is the Teddy Baer I will choose to remember. I will remember the friend who taught me to drive when everyone else was either too afraid of my lack of coordination or too worried about looking stupid in that God- awful pink jeep to even try. I will remember dressing as Sprout and trick- or-treating with the Jolly Green Giant when I was fifteen and he was eighteen. I will remember sitting on his shoulders at Penn State football games so I could see over the crowd. I will remember a hero pulling me out of the river when I tried to drown myself, even though he'd never learned swim."
Whispers swept through the crowded church as people recalled the various incidents Liv had mentioned and others she hadn't.
"I will choose to remember Teddy Baer as a good and kind and decent and loving friend. I will mourn his passing because I miss him, I will celebrate his life because we are all better for having known him, and I will rejoice knowing that he is now safe in the arms of God. I hope all of you will do the same."
As the whole congregation followed her every move, Liv stepped away from the podium and stood beside the casket for a moment. She put a hand to her lips and then pressed it to Ted's cheek. Going to the family, she hugged and kissed Ted's sister Meg, his brother Tom, and his parents, and then she made her way back to Steve. By the time she took her seat at his side, there was a line of old friends waiting to share pleasant memories
Steve put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I love you so much," he whispered, "And I am so very proud of you." He pulled her to him and kissed her temple. She turned and buried her face in his shoulder and wept softly as Keith began telling about the time he and Ted had talked the Cloud Nine girls into helping them take apart the high school groundskeeper's John Deere tractor only to reassemble it in the second floor teacher's lounge.
Steve and Liv didn't stay long at the wake. She introduced him to Becky and Jimmy Strawcutter, the farmer-tour guides from Gettysburgh, and he found them pleasant enough people although Becky was a bit too academic for his taste. He also met Chris Breth and her girlfriend, a Dr. Jennifer Cohen, who happened to be a former colleague of Olivia's.
"You know," Chris confided to them both, "One thing I do envy you is that when you get married, it will be legal."
Olivia patted her friend on the shoulder and said, "Maybe someday, Chris."
Jennifer said, "Homosexuals will never get a legal marriage as long as there's a conservative Christian Republican in the White House."
Liv rolled her eyes and said, "Leave it to Jen to discuss sex, religion, and politics in a single breath." Turning to Steve, she said, "You'll have to forgive Jen, darling. Her mom's a senator, her dad's a rabbi, and she's gay. She was never taught that normal people do not discuss such topics in polite company."
Steve grinned and nodded.
Jen continued her tirade. "And what's with this 'White House Salute to Gospel Music'? Whatever happened to the Separation of Church and State?"
"Enough, Jen," Liv insisted. "I refuse to talk politics with you. I am delighted that you both are happy, and that's all anyone-gay or straight- has a right to expect from me."
"Anyway," Chris obviously changed the subject, "What about you two, O. Is the wedding still on for Valentine's Day?"
"I'm not sure," Olivia said to Steve's surprise. "Meg and the gang say it is, but I need to talk to Tommy and Mr. and Mrs. Baer. I want to make sure they're all right with it. I don't want to seem disrespectful or anything."
"I can understand, that," Chris said. "It is just a little Shakespearian."
Jennifer quoted, "The funeral baked meats did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables."
Steve closed his eyes and shook his head, wondering if the conversation was really as weird as it seemed or if he was just suffering some strange after- effect of his concussion.
Olivia looked at Jen and said, "Hamlet, right?"
Jennifer nodded, "To Horatio, act one, scene two."
"Yeah, well," Liv continued, "Chris, can I reach you at your parents' house? Once we decide for sure what's happening, I'll call you and let you know."
"Actually, O, we're staying at the Super-8. Mom and Dad won't let us stay in the house together. I'm welcome, but not Jen."
Liv gave her friend a hug. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."
Chris sniffed, and said, "Even if I were straight, I wouldn't make love in their house. You'd think they'd realize I had more respect for them than that."
Jen shrugged and said, "I told you before, Chrissy. They know that. They just don't like me because I'm Jewish."
For a moment, no one knew what to say. Then Jen rolled her eyes and grinned, and they all laughed at the joke. Liv promised to call them at the motel, and she and Steve walked away.
When Jennifer and Chris were out of earshot, Steve said, "Thank God all your friends aren't like that."
Liv froze in her tracks, went rigid all over, folded her arms over her chest and said, "What are you saying, Steve?"
Her tone was cold and deadly, and when he saw fire snapping in her green eyes, he knew he's said the wrong thing. He hadn't meant anything by it, but apparently, she didn't realize that.
"Olivia, listen to me. I don't want a fight, so I'm going to make this as clear as I can."
"Good. I'm all ears."
"I don't care if they're gay. Jen's politics don't bother me at all, and I certainly don't care what religion either of them are."
"Then what's your problem with my friends, Steve?"
"That quote from Hamlet was just way over my head, Liv. If all your friends were like that, I'd never get the jokes."
She studied him through narrowed eyes for a moment, and then smiled broadly and said, "You are a remarkable man, Steve Sloan. I'll never be able to love you enough." Giving him a kiss on the cheek and slipping her good arm around his waist, she said, "Let's go find Meg."
They spotted Meg sitting with her parents, and Steve was horrified when Liv expected him to meet them.
"Liv, I shot their son. I killed him. I shouldn't even be here, let alone meeting them. It can wait for another day."
Rather than answer his concerns, she said, "Look, Meg's waving us over. It will be worse now if you don't come with me."
Steve felt ill. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and gulped. Then he followed Olivia to meet the family. He was trembling as he shook their hands.
Mrs. Bear looked at him and said, "You killed Ted."
"I…" Steve swallowed a lump in his throat. There was nothing to explain, no way to defend himself. He had to do it, but she didn't ask that. What she said was the undeniable truth. "Yes, ma'am, I did."
"You were at the funeral?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Then you know what everyone said about him. You know what our son was like."
"Yes, ma'am. A lot of people are…were…very fond of him." This was pure hell. There was a knot in his stomach the size of a basketball and he desperately wanted to throw up. Only Olivia's arm around his waist kept him from running away.
"Then you know that's not the man you killed."
Steve's head was swimming when Mr. Baer indicated a recently vacated chair. "Sit down before you fall down, son, and don't look so scared. We won't bite."
Steve took the seat gratefully and looked at the older man in confusion. He felt Liv squeeze his good shoulder in a comforting gesture.
"Elaine is trying to tell you," Baer looked at his wife and kids who all nodded slightly, "and we've all agreed, that nobody blames you."
"Mr. Baer…"
"The name's Robert, but you can call me Bob. Now hush and let me finish. You don't look in any shape to argue."
Steve closed his mouth and nodded.
"Meghan told us about her conversation with you in the hospital the day it all happened. What she said goes for all of us. Ted was very sick, son, and, well…"
Meg stepped away for a moment, and Tom took over the conversation now, because it was getting too much for his father.
"None of us had seen Ted in over two years, Steve. Paranoia was a big part of his illness, and he thought we were all out to get him, so he refused our visits. Please don't think us terrible people, but when we heard what happened…" Tom paused to steady his voice, "…we were relieved that it was finally over, and thankful that the two of you would be all right."
Steve wrinkled his brow in confusion and asked, "So, you're saying you all forgive me?"
"No," Elaine said. "We're saying that, as far as we're concerned, you've done nothing that you need to be forgiven for."
Steve put a hand to his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry," he said shaking his head. "I just don't know what to say. This is too much for me to process." He ran a hand over his face and said, "Thank you. You know, if there's anything I can do, just say the word."
Meg had rejoined the group, and smiling, she said, "Now that you mention it…"
"Meg…" her father warned, but she ignored him.
"Name it," Steve said, desperately wanting to show this family how grateful he was that they didn't blame him for Ted's death.
"A little bird just told me that O is still hemming and hawing about the wedding. We've all been through a lot lately. For us," Meg indicated her family and Olivia. "It's like we've spent the last twelve years in mourning. Teddy…the real Teddy…would say it's about time to stop. What we all need is a good party. Convince her to marry you as planned."
Steve laughed with relief and looked up at his bride-to-be. "What do you say, Liv?"
She looked from Tom to Elaine to Bob to Meg and back to Steve with a smile, and said, "Be mine, Valentine?"