So let's recap. It's...let's see...1:37 in the morning on a Saturday night/Sunday morning and what am I doing? Thinking about Jess. When
I have a perfectly good boyfriend to think about. This is really not good. The conversations are more frequent, as well as the Jess thoughts and...
I'm going to take a walk. Right now. I threw on some dark jeans and a black. long sleeve polo shirt, and my favorite jacket and slipped outside.
It's not like mom's awake and even if she was, she wouldn't mind. Mom's mom.
It really was a beautiful night. The stars were out and the Stars Hollow Christmas lights were still left on. We were always lazy like that.
It's just so pretty. I've never seen anything prettier. It was all lit up...like a movie. I walked by Doose's market and then I thought of Dean. Dean's
great. He really is. So tell me why I continuously have to remind myself that. My feelings have never been so conflicted. Maybe its because
Dean's my first love. I don't really want to think he'll be my first and last love. Dean's great, he really is. That's marvelous, Rory. Marvelous. Not
only is Chilton teaching you big words, you still have to be reminded, by yourself, that you do love Dean you really do. It's not some mirage. It's
really not. You care for him. You want him to be happy. You...
I was so dazed with my thoughts, I didn't even notice the person I hit. I looked up to see who I hit so I could apologize and there he was. Is
this torture? I mean really. It's very, very late out and here he is. Walking along the streets of Stars Hollow, when he should be sleeping. Okay,
so should I but I have a very very good reason not to. Very good reason. Okay, this stage of denial. This is definitely not going to work for me. I
think he's saying something to me.
"...at one thirty in the morning?"
"What? Sorry, I'm a little out of it. Oh I couldn't sleep, so I decided to take a walk. What are you doing out here at one thirty in the morning?"
"Same as you. Couldn't sleep."
"Oh." Great vocabulary skills, Ror. Really, mom would be proud. Say something. Don't look stupid. "Come on, let's walk." Okay Rory, very
good. Be firm, but kind. Just walk, you can do this. You're friends. You'll be just fine. Right? Right.
I don't know how long we walked for, but we had the greatest conversation. We just talked about everything. Things happening in Stars
Hollow. How Stars Hollow High was going. The whole Chilton ordeal. How big of a jerk Chuck Presby is. Music tastes. At one point, I asked
him if he broke that fancy snowman's head and he answered...in his Jess, not direct but direct enough way, "Sure." Which usually means yes,
and I'm guessing in Jess' case it means yes. I asked him why and he said it was because me and mom's snowman was cooler. More original.
I said thanks. He just sort of shrugged. Not the best sort of attention from a guy, but from Jess I'll take it as a good sign. So we just kept walking
and talking and the next thing I knew the sun was coming up. So he walked me home. A very sweet move for just a friend. I think I've been
reading way too much into his "signals". Well anyway, he walked me home and we're on my doorstep and all of a sudden...his head sort of
starts leaning into mine and mine sort of starts leaning into his and then we sort of kissed. Sort of. His lips sort of brushed mine and then we
sort of pulled apart. And we sort of looked at each other for a moment or two, and then we sort of leaned in again and...do I sound guilty? I keep
saying sort of, don't think I haven't noticed, and I think when someone's guilty, or feeling guilty, them seem to say sort of a lot. To make it sound
more innocent than anything else. Yes. I'm guilty. Very guilty. But you don't understand what happened. Our lips brushed, and then we leaned
in again, and then...we went into this...I'm embarrassed to say this, to say the least, full-blown makeout session on my porch. I mean, me and
Dean haven't even kissed with such...need and passion. It was such an intense feeling. He was so sweet and careful about everything. His
hands were everywhere in my hair and mine were rubbing his neck. He made sure to be gentle, but...so passionate. It was so...intense. That's
the only word I have to describe it. We pulled away, gasping for breath. And I think that's when I knew...Dean wasn't the "exact guy for me"
anymore.
**Should this be the end? Or should this be the next to the last chapter? Your opinions/reviews matter so much to me and I would really love them
right about now. You guys have been so great with the reviews! Thanks soooooo much!
I have a perfectly good boyfriend to think about. This is really not good. The conversations are more frequent, as well as the Jess thoughts and...
I'm going to take a walk. Right now. I threw on some dark jeans and a black. long sleeve polo shirt, and my favorite jacket and slipped outside.
It's not like mom's awake and even if she was, she wouldn't mind. Mom's mom.
It really was a beautiful night. The stars were out and the Stars Hollow Christmas lights were still left on. We were always lazy like that.
It's just so pretty. I've never seen anything prettier. It was all lit up...like a movie. I walked by Doose's market and then I thought of Dean. Dean's
great. He really is. So tell me why I continuously have to remind myself that. My feelings have never been so conflicted. Maybe its because
Dean's my first love. I don't really want to think he'll be my first and last love. Dean's great, he really is. That's marvelous, Rory. Marvelous. Not
only is Chilton teaching you big words, you still have to be reminded, by yourself, that you do love Dean you really do. It's not some mirage. It's
really not. You care for him. You want him to be happy. You...
I was so dazed with my thoughts, I didn't even notice the person I hit. I looked up to see who I hit so I could apologize and there he was. Is
this torture? I mean really. It's very, very late out and here he is. Walking along the streets of Stars Hollow, when he should be sleeping. Okay,
so should I but I have a very very good reason not to. Very good reason. Okay, this stage of denial. This is definitely not going to work for me. I
think he's saying something to me.
"...at one thirty in the morning?"
"What? Sorry, I'm a little out of it. Oh I couldn't sleep, so I decided to take a walk. What are you doing out here at one thirty in the morning?"
"Same as you. Couldn't sleep."
"Oh." Great vocabulary skills, Ror. Really, mom would be proud. Say something. Don't look stupid. "Come on, let's walk." Okay Rory, very
good. Be firm, but kind. Just walk, you can do this. You're friends. You'll be just fine. Right? Right.
I don't know how long we walked for, but we had the greatest conversation. We just talked about everything. Things happening in Stars
Hollow. How Stars Hollow High was going. The whole Chilton ordeal. How big of a jerk Chuck Presby is. Music tastes. At one point, I asked
him if he broke that fancy snowman's head and he answered...in his Jess, not direct but direct enough way, "Sure." Which usually means yes,
and I'm guessing in Jess' case it means yes. I asked him why and he said it was because me and mom's snowman was cooler. More original.
I said thanks. He just sort of shrugged. Not the best sort of attention from a guy, but from Jess I'll take it as a good sign. So we just kept walking
and talking and the next thing I knew the sun was coming up. So he walked me home. A very sweet move for just a friend. I think I've been
reading way too much into his "signals". Well anyway, he walked me home and we're on my doorstep and all of a sudden...his head sort of
starts leaning into mine and mine sort of starts leaning into his and then we sort of kissed. Sort of. His lips sort of brushed mine and then we
sort of pulled apart. And we sort of looked at each other for a moment or two, and then we sort of leaned in again and...do I sound guilty? I keep
saying sort of, don't think I haven't noticed, and I think when someone's guilty, or feeling guilty, them seem to say sort of a lot. To make it sound
more innocent than anything else. Yes. I'm guilty. Very guilty. But you don't understand what happened. Our lips brushed, and then we leaned
in again, and then...we went into this...I'm embarrassed to say this, to say the least, full-blown makeout session on my porch. I mean, me and
Dean haven't even kissed with such...need and passion. It was such an intense feeling. He was so sweet and careful about everything. His
hands were everywhere in my hair and mine were rubbing his neck. He made sure to be gentle, but...so passionate. It was so...intense. That's
the only word I have to describe it. We pulled away, gasping for breath. And I think that's when I knew...Dean wasn't the "exact guy for me"
anymore.
**Should this be the end? Or should this be the next to the last chapter? Your opinions/reviews matter so much to me and I would really love them
right about now. You guys have been so great with the reviews! Thanks soooooo much!