Harvest Moon: The Unpredictable
One fine day in the abnormally small village that does not have anything for any human to live off of for more than 7 days, there was an old man who was a farmer. His grandson was running around in the cow pastures like a sissy. Then he got bored and went off to the village to go hit on one of the six girls in the town. When he got back, he saw a very solemn-looking man standing in front of his house. "Maryanne, I have something to tell you." He said. "Shh! Don't say my name in public! Anyway, let me guess. My grandfather died and now he is leaving me his farm to raise and run away to the Natsume Company to get rich off of six extremely cheesy farming video games. Am I right?" The man just stood staring at Maryanne. "You hit the nail on the head, sir!" And in the background that no bystanders conveniently heard, a helicopter rose up and flew away.
So, Maryanne asked the man, "Where is my 600G?" "Excuse me?" "Every time my grandfather dies, I only get 600G. It's the only way I can successfully raise this farm in three years and prevent the town from being turned into an amusement park which would probably be a lot better than this dump we're living in. Okay?" So the man handed Maryanne the 600G and Maryanne went out and spent it all on beer- sorry beef-producing cows; only to find out that he doesn't have enough money to buy one. "It seems that when Grandpa died, all of his farm animals died with him. Strange…" Maryanne went to the flower shop and bought two very expensive bags of corn and tomato seeds. He then went back to the farm and sowed the seeds. Then, filling his watering can out of the well that never runs out of water, he watered his plants and went inside to check the Oddly Accurate 6:00 News. It said tomorrow was going to be sunny. Then Maryanne went to bed, only to be woken up at 2 in the morning by Jamie, one of the girls from town. "Maryanne! I just wanted to say hi at this extremely early time so you will hate me and go hit on Amanda! Bye!" Maryanne looked out the window and she was gone.
Maryanne woke up four hours later (for the late person, that's 6:00 AM) to see two girls, Amanda and Jamie, run down the hill to Maryanne's farm. "Maryanne! You know that you like me better than that pathetic excuse for a human, Jamie!" "Don't listen to her, Maryanne! She's a lying @$$hole!" Then Jamie charged at Amanda and knocked her onto the ground. Amanda threw Jamie off of her and slammed her head onto a fencepost, knocking Jamie unconscious. "I win! Now you have to love me, Maryanne!" But then, Amanda's eyes flashed red and she said in a low, hoarse whisper, "I smell fresh meat!" And she whipped around and started gnawing on Jamie's flesh. Then Amanda tore off part of her neck with her teeth and chomped the skin into tiny pieces and swallowed them. Then, Maryanne got so mad at Amanda, he took out his ax and chopped her head off and threw them both into the ocean. "Well, that solves that problem!" And Maryanne went back to work. Soon, he raised enough money to buy a chicken. So he did. He named the chicken 'Eggbert' (ATV :)) because he was going to produce lots of eggs. Things were looking pretty good for Maryanne…
The next day, he woke up and carefully checked his hill for anybody that tried to start WW3 on his farm. When Maryanne saw that everything was okay, he watered his plants and put the chicken's egg into the incubator so it would hatch another chicken. He also fed the chicken. Then he went out and walked around. There was somebody new who came up to Maryanne and said, "I'm on the run! I can't leave any evidence with me! Here, take my fishing rod! The cops are on to me! I must escape!" Then the odd man ran along, following the river, but he accidentally tripped on a tree root and fell into the river. "Aha! This will make my escape easier! Any evidence of my presence here will be washed clean away!" Then he hit a rock and was sucked under the water. Maryanne took advantage of his new fishing rod and tried to catch some fish for some extra money. He had no luck. So, as it was beginning to get dark, Maryanne went home. On the way, he saw Jamie and Amanda's parents crying on their porches. He felt very guilty. Just before he went into his house, a stray dog came up to his door. Conveniently, there was a dog food dish right outside of Maryanne's house. He gave the dog a small fish the wacko had left behind. He named the dog Wolfgang.
The next day was a good day for the farm. Maryanne's plants had grown and he picked them and stuck them in his endlessly deep pockets. Then, checking the chicken coop, the other chicken egg had hatched. So he put one egg in the incubator and one egg he gave to Wolfgang. Then Maryanne went to sell his crops. He now had made back all of the money he had spent. At the food store, the owner's daughter, Alice, came up to Maryanne. "Hi, Maryanne!" He knew that she liked him, and he liked her too. So, that was when it happened. Alice invited Maryanne to come to the fireworks show this weekend. "You mean the one that occurs on the first of summer, instead of the first of July?" "Yeah, that one, I guess." "Okay. I'll meet you here at 2:00. Okay?" "Sure!" So Maryanne left the food store in high hopes, knowing that he was going on a date in two days. He then went to the animal store, but instead of buying an animal, he bought a dog toy for Wolfgang. He then went home and went to bed early.
When Maryanne awoke, he got a letter in his mailbox. It said, "Due to the evil thoughts of the mayor and the greedy thoughts of the townspeople, we have decided to open the mines for all villagers to use so you will sweat hard and come out of the mines into unbearably hot weather and faint from exhaustion. Happy Hunting! Signed, The Mayor." Maryanne put the letter in his pocket and decided not to go mining today, because he didn't want to risk getting sick the day before his big date. So, he went to the plant shop and bought some ingredients. Then he went home and baked a cake for tomorrow. He wanted this day to be very special. Then, disaster struck. Giant rocks started falling from the sky and landed right where his crops are supposed to grow. "That's odd. You don't see that every day. I guess I'm going to have to smash them with this solid gold mallet I keep stored in my pocket." So Maryanne spent the rest of the night smashing away rocks, and finished at a reasonable time.
Maryanne woke up with farm-smelling butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. He got up, took a shower for the first time this year, fed his chickens, fed his dog, sold his eggs, and played with Wolfgang. Then, he traveled the nerve-racking path to the food shop. He was walking around outside, frequently pressing pause on his controller so he could see what time it was. At 2:00, he nervously opened the door and saw Alice standing there, waiting for him. "Well, you're here! What's that basket for?" "You'll see…" So, Maryanne and Alice walked down to the beach and opened the basket. They laid down the blankets on the sand, and the cake was uncovered. "Did you bake this for me?" "Yeah, I thought you might like it." So, they stripped off their outer clothing until they were in their bathing suits, and then went swimming in the ocean. While they were swimming underwater, Maryanne though he stepped on something gooey. He looked down and saw the head of Amanda on the ocean floor. He quickly came back up and got out of the water with Alice. They each "liked how the other person looked in a bathing suit" (especially Maryanne) so they left them on. Then, right when they were stuffed and dizzy from eating the whole cake, they kissed. At that moment, the fireworks ignited. "Ooohs" and "Aahhs" came from the crowd as they saw the spectacular show, but Maryanne and Alice kept on kissing for two minutes. (HM time: 90 minutes) When the show was over, they still stayed at the beach and watched everyone else leave. Then, Alice asked Maryanne, "Will you marry me?"
One week later, everybody in the whole village was at the town church. Maryanne was standing up at the altar in a tuxedo. Then, the organist played The Song. Alice walked into the church in a very fancy dress. Halfway to the altar, a little boy tripped her and she fell down. She got back up and looked at the kid. She pointed at him and pretended to strangle herself. Then, they were married. The date was summer 8th. Maryanne carried Alice home and they walked inside. Alice looked like she had taken a beating. Obviously he had dropped her a couple times. This was her first time inside his house, and she said "If you can make your own money, I'm going to contribute also. I'll get up early and go fishing." "That sounds great!" Then, they closed the blinds. What happened inside their house is none of your business.
When Maryanne woke up the next morning, Alice was gone. He figured that she must've gone fishing. He fed the chickens and Wolfgang and then checked how much money that he had. "2000G? I've got enough to buy a cow!" So Maryanne went up to the animal shop and on the way, he ran into Maryanne. She was beating the crap out of some little kid. It must have been the one that tripped her on the way to the altar. She let the kid go and came up to Maryanne. "Hey, honey. I caught two fish. I'm gonna go sell them, okay?" "Sure, Alice. I'm going to go buy a cow. When you're done selling the fish, could you buy a brush at the tool shop?" "Okay. Bye honey!" Alice went off in the direction of the house. Maryanne continued on the way to the animal shop, but first he went over to the little kid. He wasn't moving. At the animal shop, he bought a cow. He named him 'Jeffal.' After that, he had to take the cow home so he could chop grass for food.
One fine day in the abnormally small village that does not have anything for any human to live off of for more than 7 days, there was an old man who was a farmer. His grandson was running around in the cow pastures like a sissy. Then he got bored and went off to the village to go hit on one of the six girls in the town. When he got back, he saw a very solemn-looking man standing in front of his house. "Maryanne, I have something to tell you." He said. "Shh! Don't say my name in public! Anyway, let me guess. My grandfather died and now he is leaving me his farm to raise and run away to the Natsume Company to get rich off of six extremely cheesy farming video games. Am I right?" The man just stood staring at Maryanne. "You hit the nail on the head, sir!" And in the background that no bystanders conveniently heard, a helicopter rose up and flew away.
So, Maryanne asked the man, "Where is my 600G?" "Excuse me?" "Every time my grandfather dies, I only get 600G. It's the only way I can successfully raise this farm in three years and prevent the town from being turned into an amusement park which would probably be a lot better than this dump we're living in. Okay?" So the man handed Maryanne the 600G and Maryanne went out and spent it all on beer- sorry beef-producing cows; only to find out that he doesn't have enough money to buy one. "It seems that when Grandpa died, all of his farm animals died with him. Strange…" Maryanne went to the flower shop and bought two very expensive bags of corn and tomato seeds. He then went back to the farm and sowed the seeds. Then, filling his watering can out of the well that never runs out of water, he watered his plants and went inside to check the Oddly Accurate 6:00 News. It said tomorrow was going to be sunny. Then Maryanne went to bed, only to be woken up at 2 in the morning by Jamie, one of the girls from town. "Maryanne! I just wanted to say hi at this extremely early time so you will hate me and go hit on Amanda! Bye!" Maryanne looked out the window and she was gone.
Maryanne woke up four hours later (for the late person, that's 6:00 AM) to see two girls, Amanda and Jamie, run down the hill to Maryanne's farm. "Maryanne! You know that you like me better than that pathetic excuse for a human, Jamie!" "Don't listen to her, Maryanne! She's a lying @$$hole!" Then Jamie charged at Amanda and knocked her onto the ground. Amanda threw Jamie off of her and slammed her head onto a fencepost, knocking Jamie unconscious. "I win! Now you have to love me, Maryanne!" But then, Amanda's eyes flashed red and she said in a low, hoarse whisper, "I smell fresh meat!" And she whipped around and started gnawing on Jamie's flesh. Then Amanda tore off part of her neck with her teeth and chomped the skin into tiny pieces and swallowed them. Then, Maryanne got so mad at Amanda, he took out his ax and chopped her head off and threw them both into the ocean. "Well, that solves that problem!" And Maryanne went back to work. Soon, he raised enough money to buy a chicken. So he did. He named the chicken 'Eggbert' (ATV :)) because he was going to produce lots of eggs. Things were looking pretty good for Maryanne…
The next day, he woke up and carefully checked his hill for anybody that tried to start WW3 on his farm. When Maryanne saw that everything was okay, he watered his plants and put the chicken's egg into the incubator so it would hatch another chicken. He also fed the chicken. Then he went out and walked around. There was somebody new who came up to Maryanne and said, "I'm on the run! I can't leave any evidence with me! Here, take my fishing rod! The cops are on to me! I must escape!" Then the odd man ran along, following the river, but he accidentally tripped on a tree root and fell into the river. "Aha! This will make my escape easier! Any evidence of my presence here will be washed clean away!" Then he hit a rock and was sucked under the water. Maryanne took advantage of his new fishing rod and tried to catch some fish for some extra money. He had no luck. So, as it was beginning to get dark, Maryanne went home. On the way, he saw Jamie and Amanda's parents crying on their porches. He felt very guilty. Just before he went into his house, a stray dog came up to his door. Conveniently, there was a dog food dish right outside of Maryanne's house. He gave the dog a small fish the wacko had left behind. He named the dog Wolfgang.
The next day was a good day for the farm. Maryanne's plants had grown and he picked them and stuck them in his endlessly deep pockets. Then, checking the chicken coop, the other chicken egg had hatched. So he put one egg in the incubator and one egg he gave to Wolfgang. Then Maryanne went to sell his crops. He now had made back all of the money he had spent. At the food store, the owner's daughter, Alice, came up to Maryanne. "Hi, Maryanne!" He knew that she liked him, and he liked her too. So, that was when it happened. Alice invited Maryanne to come to the fireworks show this weekend. "You mean the one that occurs on the first of summer, instead of the first of July?" "Yeah, that one, I guess." "Okay. I'll meet you here at 2:00. Okay?" "Sure!" So Maryanne left the food store in high hopes, knowing that he was going on a date in two days. He then went to the animal store, but instead of buying an animal, he bought a dog toy for Wolfgang. He then went home and went to bed early.
When Maryanne awoke, he got a letter in his mailbox. It said, "Due to the evil thoughts of the mayor and the greedy thoughts of the townspeople, we have decided to open the mines for all villagers to use so you will sweat hard and come out of the mines into unbearably hot weather and faint from exhaustion. Happy Hunting! Signed, The Mayor." Maryanne put the letter in his pocket and decided not to go mining today, because he didn't want to risk getting sick the day before his big date. So, he went to the plant shop and bought some ingredients. Then he went home and baked a cake for tomorrow. He wanted this day to be very special. Then, disaster struck. Giant rocks started falling from the sky and landed right where his crops are supposed to grow. "That's odd. You don't see that every day. I guess I'm going to have to smash them with this solid gold mallet I keep stored in my pocket." So Maryanne spent the rest of the night smashing away rocks, and finished at a reasonable time.
Maryanne woke up with farm-smelling butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. He got up, took a shower for the first time this year, fed his chickens, fed his dog, sold his eggs, and played with Wolfgang. Then, he traveled the nerve-racking path to the food shop. He was walking around outside, frequently pressing pause on his controller so he could see what time it was. At 2:00, he nervously opened the door and saw Alice standing there, waiting for him. "Well, you're here! What's that basket for?" "You'll see…" So, Maryanne and Alice walked down to the beach and opened the basket. They laid down the blankets on the sand, and the cake was uncovered. "Did you bake this for me?" "Yeah, I thought you might like it." So, they stripped off their outer clothing until they were in their bathing suits, and then went swimming in the ocean. While they were swimming underwater, Maryanne though he stepped on something gooey. He looked down and saw the head of Amanda on the ocean floor. He quickly came back up and got out of the water with Alice. They each "liked how the other person looked in a bathing suit" (especially Maryanne) so they left them on. Then, right when they were stuffed and dizzy from eating the whole cake, they kissed. At that moment, the fireworks ignited. "Ooohs" and "Aahhs" came from the crowd as they saw the spectacular show, but Maryanne and Alice kept on kissing for two minutes. (HM time: 90 minutes) When the show was over, they still stayed at the beach and watched everyone else leave. Then, Alice asked Maryanne, "Will you marry me?"
One week later, everybody in the whole village was at the town church. Maryanne was standing up at the altar in a tuxedo. Then, the organist played The Song. Alice walked into the church in a very fancy dress. Halfway to the altar, a little boy tripped her and she fell down. She got back up and looked at the kid. She pointed at him and pretended to strangle herself. Then, they were married. The date was summer 8th. Maryanne carried Alice home and they walked inside. Alice looked like she had taken a beating. Obviously he had dropped her a couple times. This was her first time inside his house, and she said "If you can make your own money, I'm going to contribute also. I'll get up early and go fishing." "That sounds great!" Then, they closed the blinds. What happened inside their house is none of your business.
When Maryanne woke up the next morning, Alice was gone. He figured that she must've gone fishing. He fed the chickens and Wolfgang and then checked how much money that he had. "2000G? I've got enough to buy a cow!" So Maryanne went up to the animal shop and on the way, he ran into Maryanne. She was beating the crap out of some little kid. It must have been the one that tripped her on the way to the altar. She let the kid go and came up to Maryanne. "Hey, honey. I caught two fish. I'm gonna go sell them, okay?" "Sure, Alice. I'm going to go buy a cow. When you're done selling the fish, could you buy a brush at the tool shop?" "Okay. Bye honey!" Alice went off in the direction of the house. Maryanne continued on the way to the animal shop, but first he went over to the little kid. He wasn't moving. At the animal shop, he bought a cow. He named him 'Jeffal.' After that, he had to take the cow home so he could chop grass for food.