The misadventures of Professor Matthews- chapter four
"Mail's here," Seamus Finnigan called as the owls came flying in to the Great Hall one day.
Ron stopped eating his porridge to pick up a letter that a Ministry of Magic owl had dropped in front of him.
"What's that?," asked Harry as he put his pumpkin juice down.
"Owl from Percy," he said.
"Well you'll have to read it later," Hermione said as she got up, "or we'll be late for Herboligy."
Ron and Harry rolled their eyes but got up and left the Great Hall with her anyway.
They soon found that nothing particularly fascinating was happening in Professor Sprout's class.
"Oh go ahead and open it," Harry whispered, "it's not like she's going to notice anyway."
Ron reached into his bag and opened the letter. As he, Harry and Hermione read it they became immensely frightened.
**********
"Well class," said Professor Matthews as he took the tape out of the VCR, "what did we learn in class today?"
"That Mulder was the best FBI agent ever and that that Doggart dog breath guy sucked," Lavender said.
"Very good. And what did we learn from The Bill this lesson?"
"That pursuing sexual relationships on the desk is not a good idea."
"Very good! Ten points to Gryffindor. Class dismissed."
The class gathered their things and started to leave the room.
"Harry, Hermione and Ron, could you please stay back a minute?" Matthews said as he switched off his TV.
The trio exchanged a nervous glance but went up to his desk.
"I couldn't help but notice that you were looking at me with fearful looks throughout the whole lesson. Is there a problem?" Professor Matthews said cheerfully.
"Well you see sir," Ron said shakily, "my brother Percy sent me an owl this morning and..."
"Did he say that I cut my parents into tiny little pieces and hid them under the floorboards in my house?" Matthews groaned.
"Yea," said Harry, "and that you sold your own liver on the black market for an autograph from someone off The Bill."
"Can you hand me the letter Ron?" Matthews asked with some amusement.
Ron took the letter out of his pocket and handed it to the teacher.
Matthews then quickly ran through the list.
"I wasn't in Azkaban for two years. My cousin did actually try to shoot the Minister of Magic but the gun exploded in his hand. All my organs are still intact thank you very much. I did not have a relationship with a banshee, but I did once eat a dog."
"You ate a dog?" Hermione cried looking horrified.
"Yea," Professor Matthews said putting his feet on the desk, "I got lost in the Forbidden Forrest once for a week and I found this dog. I didn't have any food so I put the poor thing out of its' misery and ate it. Bill and I had a huge argument over how we should cook it. I wanted to fry it but Bill wanted it on a spit. Didn't taste too bad, a bit like beef really."
"Bill ate it too?" Ron asked weakly.
"Yep. In actually fact he ate more of it than I did. He ate all four legs and I had the ribs."
"Thankyou Professor but I think we should be going now," Harry said felling a bit ill.
"Later kids," he called as they left the room.
"Kids of today are such wimps," he sighed and he then left to pay his dear friend Percy a visit.
"Mail's here," Seamus Finnigan called as the owls came flying in to the Great Hall one day.
Ron stopped eating his porridge to pick up a letter that a Ministry of Magic owl had dropped in front of him.
"What's that?," asked Harry as he put his pumpkin juice down.
"Owl from Percy," he said.
"Well you'll have to read it later," Hermione said as she got up, "or we'll be late for Herboligy."
Ron and Harry rolled their eyes but got up and left the Great Hall with her anyway.
They soon found that nothing particularly fascinating was happening in Professor Sprout's class.
"Oh go ahead and open it," Harry whispered, "it's not like she's going to notice anyway."
Ron reached into his bag and opened the letter. As he, Harry and Hermione read it they became immensely frightened.
**********
"Well class," said Professor Matthews as he took the tape out of the VCR, "what did we learn in class today?"
"That Mulder was the best FBI agent ever and that that Doggart dog breath guy sucked," Lavender said.
"Very good. And what did we learn from The Bill this lesson?"
"That pursuing sexual relationships on the desk is not a good idea."
"Very good! Ten points to Gryffindor. Class dismissed."
The class gathered their things and started to leave the room.
"Harry, Hermione and Ron, could you please stay back a minute?" Matthews said as he switched off his TV.
The trio exchanged a nervous glance but went up to his desk.
"I couldn't help but notice that you were looking at me with fearful looks throughout the whole lesson. Is there a problem?" Professor Matthews said cheerfully.
"Well you see sir," Ron said shakily, "my brother Percy sent me an owl this morning and..."
"Did he say that I cut my parents into tiny little pieces and hid them under the floorboards in my house?" Matthews groaned.
"Yea," said Harry, "and that you sold your own liver on the black market for an autograph from someone off The Bill."
"Can you hand me the letter Ron?" Matthews asked with some amusement.
Ron took the letter out of his pocket and handed it to the teacher.
Matthews then quickly ran through the list.
"I wasn't in Azkaban for two years. My cousin did actually try to shoot the Minister of Magic but the gun exploded in his hand. All my organs are still intact thank you very much. I did not have a relationship with a banshee, but I did once eat a dog."
"You ate a dog?" Hermione cried looking horrified.
"Yea," Professor Matthews said putting his feet on the desk, "I got lost in the Forbidden Forrest once for a week and I found this dog. I didn't have any food so I put the poor thing out of its' misery and ate it. Bill and I had a huge argument over how we should cook it. I wanted to fry it but Bill wanted it on a spit. Didn't taste too bad, a bit like beef really."
"Bill ate it too?" Ron asked weakly.
"Yep. In actually fact he ate more of it than I did. He ate all four legs and I had the ribs."
"Thankyou Professor but I think we should be going now," Harry said felling a bit ill.
"Later kids," he called as they left the room.
"Kids of today are such wimps," he sighed and he then left to pay his dear friend Percy a visit.