A/N---got another review, so you're all doomed! Doomed, I say! Doomed!!
DOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Disclaimer---huh? You mean I can actually get away with blaming this on someone else? Yay!!!!!!!!
Another Pathetic Plea for Reviews---exactly what it says. Just review, even flame, hell, even a review full of ………… will make me happy. ANYTHING!!!
Confessions Continue. Hell, They Get Worse!
Day 90
Sorry haven't written. Things got v. hectic last several days. Hordes of orcs attacked again. And again. Orc attacks basically suck. In fact, it's worse than Xmas at mother-in-laws! On upside, everyone survived. Then again, is that really an upside?
Day 92
More orc attacks. Orcs v. smelly, esp. when bleeding. Orc blood ruins clothing, too. V. sick of entire situation. Even pet hobbits not enough to make me happy anymore! Am v. tired of Middle Earth and will NEVER read or watch anything to do w/it ever again!!
Day 94
Don't these crap-ass orcs ever get the hint?? Honestly, they're as bad as Witch-King! Faramir, Legolas, Glorfy, Bunny, Itchy the Dwarf (STILL can't remember his name, dammit! Doesn't like being called Itchy, either), hell, even Radagast must've slaughtered thousands in last several days, and still they keep coming. Me, I grabbed pet hobbits and hid at 1st sign of orcs, of course. How stupid do you think I am??
Day 95
Bad news. Bunny the Ranger died in Legolas's arms today. Apparently orc axe to spine bad for health and wellbeing. Bunny had sappy last words for Legolas, v. sad, v. dramatic. Effect somewhat spoiled by Feely-Weenus- Booger-Doofus-Itchy-Whatever-his-name-actually-is the Dwarf's head falling smack onto Bunny's lap at same time. Was v. difficult to keep from laughing. Fellowship FINALLY falling apart. 2 down, 7 to go. Wait, that counts me too, can't have that….
Day 97
Loss of Bunny getting me down. Why do all the hotties die quick? Wait, that implies that hairy booger of a dwarf was a hottie…………I have DEFINITELY been in Middle Earth too long!!
Day 100
Banner day for Fellowship! Faramir set fire to large horde of orcs, saved lives of everyone. Just as I was beginning to hope they'd die messily, too. Frodo, Sam and I have bet on as to who will croak next. My money's on Faramir. Stupid git has become glory-hound. Cannot BELIEVE Eowyn actually fell for that twit!
Day 104
Shouldn't we be getting near Mordor by now?? Shows what you get for trusting elves and wizards! Idiot Legolas has NO clue where he's headed but refuses to stop and ask for directions. Glorfy sticks up for him, of course, so do Radagast and Faramir. Men!!
At least hobbits keep mouths shut.
Day 107
Am convinced we're utterly lost. Have probably been wandering around in circles, too. Thought elves were supposedly Great Trackers?? THESE idiot elves couldn't track down own ass w/both hands. Actually, suspect they're tracking each other's asses anyway. Probably is what's distracting them from finding right damn course. Oh well, just means I get to hang onto MY Ring bit longer.
Day 110
More losses in the Fellowship. Radagast got ahold of hobbit's pipeweed, wandered around stoned in dark and fell off cliff. This after they told me they didn't have any more!! Stupid lying hobbits. Stupid stoner wizard, now they REALLY don't have anymore.
Oh, btw, Sam won bet. Owe him week's worth of backrubs plus first shot at Frodo's favors. Sigh.
Day 111
Another one bites the dust. Faramir finally lost marbles, set self on fire. Smelled v. bad!!! The sooner I get out of here, the better!!
Day 115
Half the Fellowship gone and we're not one step closer to Mordor. I TOLD Legolas and Glorfindal to ask directions, but did they pay any attention to me? Hell no! I'm just the Ringbearer (In your face, Frodo Baggins!!), I don't know anything. Males of every species just plain suck.
Day 117
Caught Frodo trying to steal MY Ring AGAIN!! Damn little bastard, what is his problem?? Why can't he just accept defeat gracefully and stop screwing around? I do nice things for him, give him tongue-lashing, rub his feet, make him make all those cute little hobbit noises, and what thanks do I get?? He tries to STEAL from me! AGAIN!! That's it, I've had enough, next extra-dimensional portal I come to, I'm going home and I'm taking One Ring w/me!!
Day 118
Bad day. More orcs. Frodo killed. Sam killed. Legolas killed. Glorfy and me only ones left, and Glorfy losing grip on reality. Keeps calling me Alfonse and trying to lick my toes! Who the hell is Alfonse??
Day 119
It just hit me. I don't have any more pet hobbits! They both got killed by Sauron's orcs, dammit!! I will GET Sauron for this, if it's that LAST THING I DO!!!!!!!
Day 121
Woke to find Glorfindal MIA. Have no clue where he went, probably just jumped off cliff or some such. Am alone again. Not happy. Must find Sauron and DESTROY him for killing my pet hobbits!!!
Day 125
Good news! Got self captured by Witch-King of Angmar, v. briefly. Let him get me all the way to Mordor before pushing him off winged steed and into mouth of Balrog buddy. I TOLD him I'd feed him to Balrog if he crossed me! Stupid git, should know better.
Later Same Day
Am now in Mordor, at Cracks of Doom. HAD every intention of throwing Ring in, to spite Sauron and pay him back for killing off pet hobbits, but now don't want to. Will set self up as Dark Queen over All Middle Earth instead!! Muahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Day 224
Sorry haven't written in so long. Been v. busy killing Sauron, setting self up as Evil Queen of All Middle Earth, mopping up scattered Forces of Good, that sort of thing. Didn't know being Evil and Corrupt was so much work! Still, all is settled now. Have FINALLY gotten chance for breather. Have set up Shire as personal day-spa and am headed for long-deserved vacation there. Many hobbits to cater to my every perverted whim!! Ain't life grand?
Disclaimer---huh? You mean I can actually get away with blaming this on someone else? Yay!!!!!!!!
Another Pathetic Plea for Reviews---exactly what it says. Just review, even flame, hell, even a review full of ………… will make me happy. ANYTHING!!!
Confessions Continue. Hell, They Get Worse!
Day 90
Sorry haven't written. Things got v. hectic last several days. Hordes of orcs attacked again. And again. Orc attacks basically suck. In fact, it's worse than Xmas at mother-in-laws! On upside, everyone survived. Then again, is that really an upside?
Day 92
More orc attacks. Orcs v. smelly, esp. when bleeding. Orc blood ruins clothing, too. V. sick of entire situation. Even pet hobbits not enough to make me happy anymore! Am v. tired of Middle Earth and will NEVER read or watch anything to do w/it ever again!!
Day 94
Don't these crap-ass orcs ever get the hint?? Honestly, they're as bad as Witch-King! Faramir, Legolas, Glorfy, Bunny, Itchy the Dwarf (STILL can't remember his name, dammit! Doesn't like being called Itchy, either), hell, even Radagast must've slaughtered thousands in last several days, and still they keep coming. Me, I grabbed pet hobbits and hid at 1st sign of orcs, of course. How stupid do you think I am??
Day 95
Bad news. Bunny the Ranger died in Legolas's arms today. Apparently orc axe to spine bad for health and wellbeing. Bunny had sappy last words for Legolas, v. sad, v. dramatic. Effect somewhat spoiled by Feely-Weenus- Booger-Doofus-Itchy-Whatever-his-name-actually-is the Dwarf's head falling smack onto Bunny's lap at same time. Was v. difficult to keep from laughing. Fellowship FINALLY falling apart. 2 down, 7 to go. Wait, that counts me too, can't have that….
Day 97
Loss of Bunny getting me down. Why do all the hotties die quick? Wait, that implies that hairy booger of a dwarf was a hottie…………I have DEFINITELY been in Middle Earth too long!!
Day 100
Banner day for Fellowship! Faramir set fire to large horde of orcs, saved lives of everyone. Just as I was beginning to hope they'd die messily, too. Frodo, Sam and I have bet on as to who will croak next. My money's on Faramir. Stupid git has become glory-hound. Cannot BELIEVE Eowyn actually fell for that twit!
Day 104
Shouldn't we be getting near Mordor by now?? Shows what you get for trusting elves and wizards! Idiot Legolas has NO clue where he's headed but refuses to stop and ask for directions. Glorfy sticks up for him, of course, so do Radagast and Faramir. Men!!
At least hobbits keep mouths shut.
Day 107
Am convinced we're utterly lost. Have probably been wandering around in circles, too. Thought elves were supposedly Great Trackers?? THESE idiot elves couldn't track down own ass w/both hands. Actually, suspect they're tracking each other's asses anyway. Probably is what's distracting them from finding right damn course. Oh well, just means I get to hang onto MY Ring bit longer.
Day 110
More losses in the Fellowship. Radagast got ahold of hobbit's pipeweed, wandered around stoned in dark and fell off cliff. This after they told me they didn't have any more!! Stupid lying hobbits. Stupid stoner wizard, now they REALLY don't have anymore.
Oh, btw, Sam won bet. Owe him week's worth of backrubs plus first shot at Frodo's favors. Sigh.
Day 111
Another one bites the dust. Faramir finally lost marbles, set self on fire. Smelled v. bad!!! The sooner I get out of here, the better!!
Day 115
Half the Fellowship gone and we're not one step closer to Mordor. I TOLD Legolas and Glorfindal to ask directions, but did they pay any attention to me? Hell no! I'm just the Ringbearer (In your face, Frodo Baggins!!), I don't know anything. Males of every species just plain suck.
Day 117
Caught Frodo trying to steal MY Ring AGAIN!! Damn little bastard, what is his problem?? Why can't he just accept defeat gracefully and stop screwing around? I do nice things for him, give him tongue-lashing, rub his feet, make him make all those cute little hobbit noises, and what thanks do I get?? He tries to STEAL from me! AGAIN!! That's it, I've had enough, next extra-dimensional portal I come to, I'm going home and I'm taking One Ring w/me!!
Day 118
Bad day. More orcs. Frodo killed. Sam killed. Legolas killed. Glorfy and me only ones left, and Glorfy losing grip on reality. Keeps calling me Alfonse and trying to lick my toes! Who the hell is Alfonse??
Day 119
It just hit me. I don't have any more pet hobbits! They both got killed by Sauron's orcs, dammit!! I will GET Sauron for this, if it's that LAST THING I DO!!!!!!!
Day 121
Woke to find Glorfindal MIA. Have no clue where he went, probably just jumped off cliff or some such. Am alone again. Not happy. Must find Sauron and DESTROY him for killing my pet hobbits!!!
Day 125
Good news! Got self captured by Witch-King of Angmar, v. briefly. Let him get me all the way to Mordor before pushing him off winged steed and into mouth of Balrog buddy. I TOLD him I'd feed him to Balrog if he crossed me! Stupid git, should know better.
Later Same Day
Am now in Mordor, at Cracks of Doom. HAD every intention of throwing Ring in, to spite Sauron and pay him back for killing off pet hobbits, but now don't want to. Will set self up as Dark Queen over All Middle Earth instead!! Muahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Day 224
Sorry haven't written in so long. Been v. busy killing Sauron, setting self up as Evil Queen of All Middle Earth, mopping up scattered Forces of Good, that sort of thing. Didn't know being Evil and Corrupt was so much work! Still, all is settled now. Have FINALLY gotten chance for breather. Have set up Shire as personal day-spa and am headed for long-deserved vacation there. Many hobbits to cater to my every perverted whim!! Ain't life grand?