Dear Trowa,
Ok, I admit it. I'm a coward to be writing this letter to you instead of saying it to your face, but you know me: I run, I hide, but I never lie. And I gotta tell ya, I'm kinda sick of running, at least from this.
What is "this", you ask.
Well, the truth is: I love you.
If I'm lucky enough that you're still reading after that declaration, I'd like to explain myself. Or at least try. I know that everyone thought that I had fallen for, and gotten my heart broken by, Heero.
That's only half the truth really. What I felt for Heero was a huge crush instead of a deeper romantic emotion. Which is good. A person can take only so many "sacrifices for Relena" before they get the message.
Yes, that did hurt my heart, but it didn't break, and I'd gotten over it by the time those two actually got together. I'd gotten over my little crush so well in fact that I'd gone and fallen in love with someone else. And this time it was real, so real that it made my crush on Heero a mere shadow of emotion.
If this is what Relena was feeling, I can see why she was following him everywhere. And obviously she had more courage than I do.
You're probably wondering why I'm writing this to you now. Actually, I've written versions of this letter since I figured out how I felt. Even during those missions when all I had to do to see you was walk down the hall. I was determined never to tell you, but I still needed to get it out, to announce it somehow. I don't do all that talking without a compulsion you know. So I wrote pages and pages telling you how much I loved you and wrote really bad poetry about your eyes, your voice and the one time I saw you smile.
I'm pretty sure I had dead poets everywhere spinning in their graves. They must've been relieved when I had to destroy most of it every time I moved. Paper is heavy stuff in mass quantities! I did save some of the better stuff though. Maybe someday I'll know what to do with them.
Which brings me to the point of this letter. What makes this letter different from all the other ones, besides that I'm actually going to give it to you, is that now I have hope.
I was positive that you loved Quatre. I wasn't as good at reading you as I was at reading Heero, (which drove me up the wall by-the-way), but I don't think I was wrong. I was positive that after the war, you and Quatre would get together and live one of those Happily-Ever- After lives.
So, you can imagine that I was a little surprised to get a flier advertising a circus with a distinctive clown and lion act. Not only that, but it was coming here, to my humble colony. Then I get the invite to Quatre and Wufei's wedding. Quatre let it slip that you had known about the blessed event WAY before I did. He seemed to think that you were ok with it.
So now I hope.
I hope that there is some chance that you can feel something for me.
I hope that I haven't just stuck my foot in it by telling you all this and bringing up painful feelings.
I hope that I get a response to this letter. Even if you tell me I'm a psycho and to leave you alone.
I hope that after all this emotional outpouring, you'll still be my friend, if nothing else.
I hope because I really, truly, love you.
Trowa stared at the letter in disbelief. He blinked and waited for it to disappear or turn into a credit card offer or something. It stayed where and what it was.
Duo couldn't possibly feel that way. This was just a cruel joke; though Duo had never done anything worse than temporarily changing Heavyarms' color scheme. But it just couldn't be real.
It was real though. It had been real from the moment he had found the off-white envelope shoved under the door of his trailer.
I run, I hide, but I never lie.
Duo's words echoed in his mind. Duo was hiding from him, unsure of his answer.
Trowa himself wasn't sure of his answer. He knew that he couldn't stand to let another chance at living slip through his fingers. It had hurt so much when Quatre found someone else, due to his silence. Quatre hadn't known how he felt. Couldn't have known.
But Duo had.
That thought caused a warmth to spread through him, and a small urge to smile.
Maybe he could answer Duo's declaration. But he wasn't sure how he felt. Was this what Catherine called 'rebound', or was it real feeling for Duo? He owed it to the braided loud-mouth, and to himself to be sure.
So he would wait, and figure it out.
But...
...I hope.
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continued in part two