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Part Two
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Duo was more restless than usual, which meant that he hadn't gone more than fifteen seconds without fidgeting. The other mechanics looked ready to throw their tools at him.
"Humph. If I hadn't roomed with Heero umpteen times I might actually be worried". He smirked. He still had quite a bit of pride that he made it out of those dorm rooms alive.
"I wonder how Relena's handling it. Hopefully he's lightened up a little. It wouldn't be a good thing to have the advisor to the world's government go insane". He snickered at the image of Relena being led off in a strait-jacket.
He wasn't upset that she'd gotten Heero, but it just wouldn't be fair if spandex-boy didn't drive her bonkers too.
Speaking of going bonkers; shouldn't Trowa have responded by now?
Duo's light mood turned tail and ran like an OZ soldier under the Glare Of Doom (tm).
Maybe I shouldn't have sent the letter. It drove me less crazy wondering about his reaction than it is waiting for the reaction.
He sighed and blew his bangs away from his eyes, only half watching what he was working on. After the Gundams, fixing cars and factory equipment wasn't even a piece of cake.
Please, dear God, don't have him hate me. He was annoyed that he had resorted to begging that God for anything...
"...but this is important". Duo didn't realize that he's spoken aloud until someone replied.
"What's important Maxwell?" He spun around at the instantly recognizable address. Wufei and Quatre were standing a little away from the printing thingamabob that he was repairing.
Quatre was looking at the machine over curiously. Wufei was staring at Duo, his lips quirking into what wouldn't have been a smirk on anyone else.
"It's important that I know whether you two have picked out a china pattern or if I have to get creative in my gift selection". Duo grinned evilly, just to make sure Wufei got the hint.
He did, and he went a little pale, dark eyes widening. Quatre choked slightly before replying calmly.
"You can give anything you want, as long as Iria would want to see it".
Duo laughed and the half-panic receded from Wufei's eyes. "Alright. I promise not to embarrass you in front of your sister. Or new sister". He nodded to Wufei.
"Good. Actually, we came to see if you were going to come to the wedding. You didn't give me an answer over the phone." Quatre looked worried and puzzled in the quiet, endearing way he had.
Duo could easily see why Trowa and Wufei had fallen for the blond. The thought of lonely, longing green eyes shot a wave of raw, painful emotion through Duo, and his smile nearly dropped.
He looked at the happy Arabian and his soon-to-be lifemate, the sheer goodness in Quatre's eyes making him feel ashamed, and not for the first time.
How can I compete with that?
Duo shook his head, sending the braid swinging, but it didn't cover the mood-swing fast enough. Wufei was giving him an odd look again, and Quatre seemed to be debating whether or not to say anything about it. Duo started talking before either of them had a chance.
"Of course I'm coming. An army of fangirls couldn't keep me away". His smile was genuine, even if the edges seemed a little frayed, and both of his friends relaxed.
"I'm glad", Quatre smiled back at him, "It would mean so much to have the three of you there".
Another flash of green eyes, and Duo forcibly banished his darker thoughts. He'd have to deal with them later.
Trowa watched the play of expressions on the American's face from his perch in the warehouse rafters. It was engrossing, trying to determine the other's emotions from his expressions, and it didn't always work.
Trowa hadn't spent much time studying the braided pilot when they had been on missions. He was disappointed by the lack of information he had regarding that heart-shaped face and those violet eyes.
Trowa had no doubt that Heero would have known which of those smiles were fake and which ones were real. That fact was one of the reasons he had taken on this self-imposed reconnaissance mission. He wanted to know what was going on. For now, he just tried to pin together what Duo was saying.
Earlier in the day, when he had taken his hidden perch, he had dropped a microphone into Duo's cap, which was lying brim-up at his work station. Trowa had listened to the lilting tenor for hours as Duo talked, sang and hummed to himself.
None of what was said was very important or useful, but Trowa found himself comforted by the constant wall of chatter. As the afternoon passed, he noticed that the dialogue had taken on a conspiratorial quality. It was as if Duo was whispering the commentary to him at a time when they were supposed to be silent. Trowa wondered if this was what passing notes in class felt like.
It hadn't been until just before Quatre and Wufei walked in that the American's mood had visibly saddened, and now Trowa wanted to know what was going on under all that hair. And even as he had been fighting the pain of seeing Quatre and Wufei together and happy, he had been attuned to Duo's reactions.
He had seen the despair cross that face and then disappear in a heart-beat, just before Duo shook his head as if to clear it. He had seen the tattered quality to Duo's smile.
The other two obviously knew that something was going on, but weren't going to push their friend. Though to be honest, Trowa had to admit that Duo wasn't the one who needed pushing.
Letting his mind go over and memorize the expressions he had seen on Duo's face, he found himself wanting to erase the sad ones. It was a compassionate instinct, but he wanted it to mean more than that.
Imagining happy violet eyes, he came to a realization. He wanted to love Duo. The question was: could he stop loving his angel enough to do it?
Trowa watched Quatre and Wufei leave the mechanics' shop with a heavy heart. They had told Duo that they were going to the circus to see him. He briefly considered trying to beat them there in order to talk to them.
However, he had no idea what he would say. So he stayed in the rafters and let his gaze follow them until they were out of sight. He let his eyes drop and go out of focus as the heartache washed over him.
If I hadn't been silent, would I be the one walking by his side?
His mind wandered to all of the times that he had talked Quatre in and out of situations, and of all the times that Quatre had returned the favor. It hurt to think of all the things he had said, and to know that he hadn't said what was most important.
As his eyes focused, he realized that he was looking strait at Duo. The American's face was still, holding no expression, and not talking. His gaze flicked to the violet eyes, and he stopped breathing. Those expressive eyes held unshed tears, and a mirror of his own chaotic emotions.
Duo was hurting. Unacceptable.
Trowa listened to the silence from the microphone for a few more minutes, waiting for the American to start talking again. When it became apparent that he wasn't going to, Trowa decided that the mission was over. He knew as much as he was going to know without talking to Duo directly.
He was almost sure of his answer now.
Duo watched Quatre and Wufei leave with a heavy heart. When they had told him that they were heading for the circus next he had nearly winced on the silent-one's behalf.
As bad as it had ached to watch Heero and Relena, even after his own heart had moved on, how much worse was it for Trowa now? Duo couldn't imagine.
He was pretty sure that he had read the stoic pilot correctly. Those green eyes had spoken of love when they looked at the Arabian. Long, eloquent sonnets had poured from that gaze whenever the European thought no-one was watching. It had broken Duo's heart to know that he could never hope to measure up to the kind, gentle boy.
Duo looked back at the machine he was supposed to be repairing, and decided that he didn't feel like finishing it. It was almost done anyway. One of the other guys could do it tomorrow.
He grabbed his cap, turning it over to blow the dust off the top and put it on.
Time to go home. He had a trip to pack for.
Cursing, Duo kicked his door until it let him into his loft apartment. The stubborn thing would yield to neither key nor hinge grease.
"Heh, lets see it hold up if I had Deathscyth". Duo ignored the inner voice telling him that that might be a little excessive. He immediately listened to the one that told him someone else was in the apartment.
"I'm sure the door would surrender quietly in that case". Duo's mind froze as the words spoken in a soft tenor, then sped up again as he tried to decipher what had been said. Violet eyes widened and he turned to gaze at that most beloved face, and said the first thing that came to mind.
"Trowa! That was a joke!"
Baka! That's all you can say? he cleared his throat and tried again. "So...how ya been?"
Oh, much better. He winced. Life sucked when even your mind mocked you.
"I've been well. Busy with the circus". There was a long pause. Duo tried to work up the nerve to ask about his letter, but Trowa beat him to it. "I got your letter. You wanted me to respond, so here I am".
Duo looked resolutely at the floor, really not wanting to read the other boys eyes while he was rejected. Trowa seemed to be waiting for something before he continued. Duo showed that he was listening. "Ok".
Another long pause. Curiosity got the better of him, and Duo looked up. He was immediately caught in fathomless green, and found it impossible to look away.
"I came to tell you that I can't answer you right away".
"Oh". Duo tried to ignore the shattering sensation in his chest.
"That's not a definite no. I mean..." Trowa seemed to grasp for words while Duo's heart tried to figure out whether it should shatter apart or come back together. "I mean that I need to work something out before I can see if I feel that way". Green eyes asked him to understand, and he did.
"Quatre". He didn't make it a question, and Trowa didn't take it as one.
"I need to get though the ... wedding... before I can figure out if my heart can be free". Duo nodded.
"Thanks for letting me know". He meant it, and tried to smile. He failed miserably, but Trowa seemed to appreciate the effort.
"I thought you deserved to. Will you be there?"
"Yeah. I just need to pack".
"I will see you then". Duo nodded as Trowa walked out his front door, feeling a little numb. Then a very good question occurred to him.
Why the hell did he sneak in?
Duo was glad that he wasn't the only one fidgeting this time. People were less likely to throw stuff at him if Quatre was bouncing from foot to foot too.
It was fifteen minutes until the ceremony started. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and as always, Rashid had made sure everything was perfect. The guest list had been very short for someone of Quatre's social station, but it reflected the blond pilot well. And it suited his guarded Chinese mate. Wufei wouldn't have been able to go through something this emotional and private in front of strangers.
Duo was glad that his friend wouldn't have to. Even if this event was causing his beloved pain, both Quatre and Wufei deserved their happiness, and Duo was going to ensure that they got it.
It was the one and only plan of his that had gotten full support of Heero and the Magenacs.
Duo had nearly finished arranging all the flowers when Relena rushed in and grabbed his hand, dragging him from the master bedroom.
"They're about to start! You know they'll get suspicious if anyone is late." Her smile was blinding, despite the chastising words. Today was truly happy, just because the joy was contagious.
Only one thing could make it better. If only it wasn't hurting Trowa. Duo let the thought fly through his mind before Relena pulled him to join Heero and Rashid in the garden.
The couple stood before a judge who had come out for the blessed event. Duo had never bothered to ask about religious preference. At this point it was probably too confusing an issue. Duo let his gaze wander over the gathered Magenacs, all of Quatre's sisters, and the Preventors. He noticed that Une, Noin and Sally Po had gathered on 'Wufei's' side of the seating arrangements.
It's nice that they consider him family. Though with all those Winner sisters, they may get competition for the most doting. He snickered quietly at the thought of any of the three ladies doting on Wufei. Heero jabbed him slightly in the ribs to shut him up.
Duo also noticed one conspicuous absence. Nary a uni-bang was in sight.
Trowa ran a nervous hand through his hair and straitened his tie again. Catherine looked at him with sad but understanding eyes. She knew what Quatre meant to him, and she knew that this would be hard.
Trowa had agreed to her request to go to the wedding, on the condition that they only attend the reception. He didn't think he would be able to watch Quatre and Wufei pledge themselves to each other without breaking down, older sister next to him or not.
And then there was Duo. He would be expecting an answer sometime after today.
"I don't want to deal with this Cathy". The words were said in the same soft monotone that he said everything, but he had never fooled his sister.
"It will make you feel better later. You may never get to love Quatre as you would like, but you are still Wufei and his friend. You should be there at least for a little while to congratulate them".
I forgot to tell her about Duo!
He sighed as he realized that Catherine had no idea that his heart was already being sought by the Death. A braided, laughing, baka Death. It nearly made him smile, the irony. He had spent so much time contemplating his feelings for one who embodied life, that he had completely missed that he was coveted by one who was the opposite.
You always though that death was the path you would take anyway.
Catherine kept sympathetic gray eyes on him as he took a deep breath and steeled himself.
"Lets go. Before Duo gets to the food and there's none left". She laughed softly, having heard kitchen horror stories from when the five pilots had to live together. The joke worked and Trowa relaxed a little.
"Yes, lets".
The wedding had been beautiful. Quatre's artistic good taste had kept it short and sweet, with non-traditional music ushering everyone in and out of the large hall. There had been flowers everywhere, of every shade, though no big arrangements. It had been beautiful to the eyes.
Wufei had been responsible for everything spoken, except Quatre's vows. Duo had seen the Arabian pouring over poetry in every language he knew, trying to come up with just the right words to say how he felt. It had been so cute.
After the ceremony everyone had go to the banquet hall. The room was huge and Rashid had forbidden anyone, even Quatre, from seeing what he and the Magenacs had done to decorate it. Needless to say it was stunning. Once again 'Master' Quatre had inspired perfection. The walls were covered in Arabian artwork and Chinese silk paintings.
Even Duo was speechless with awe and missed the cue to start the meal.
Soon everything settled and the room buzzed with conversation. Duo was talking with Relena about laptops and the value of learning 'Hn' as a foreign language. He stopped mid-sentence when he noticed soft music playing in the background. Relena looked quizzically at him before she heard it too. They remained silent and listened for a moment.
It was when the sweet notes of the violin were joined by the trills of a flute that Duo started to lose it.
I'm never going to stand a chance. And Quatre's not even doing it on purpose!
Duo looked at Relena's concerned face, and caught Heero's quirked eyebrow from across the room. He blinked, then grinned. They both relaxed, Heero turning his attention back to whoever and Relena starting to discuss the wedding gifts.
Duo started eating again, putting his 'American Pig' grin firmly into place. His eyes never left the door.
Trowa paced as Catherine quickly fixed her hair. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to see sea-blue eyes gazing at another with open love. He didn't want another wound that wouldn't heal. He could just imagine the two of them, so happy. He hadn't been close enough to either one to look in their eyes since before they had found each other.
Inexplicably, he had a vision, of how Duo had looked when he was talking to Quatre. He had been smiling, but it hadn't reached his eyes.
How come I didn't notice that while I was sitting there?
Trowa's thoughts were interrupted by Catherine's hand on his shoulder. She squeezed gently, lending silent support. Trowa nodded, and they walked towards the reception. Rashid's eyes lit up when he saw them, and they found themselves being ungracefully dragged into the center of the room.
"Trowa! I didn't think that you were going to come." Blue eyes filled his vision, the scent of jasmine filled his nostrils, and it was all Trowa could do to keep his face blank. He was caught in a very enthusiastic, but only friendly hug.
Gods! It hurts too much. I have to get away!
But he was held in place, unwilling to give up the sensation for anything, even to alleviate his pain. Then the angel was pulling away, and the warmth was lost.
Trowa pulled his thoughts together enough to congratulate Quatre, and shake Wufei's hand. Then he stepped back and let Catherine talk. His eyes stayed glued to his blond beloved until he couldn't take it anymore. Green eyes swept the crowd, picking up Heero bullying one of the Magenacs (probably about security) immediately. Just as quickly he found Relena holding an animated conversation with a certain black-clad, braided friend.
Pained green met concerned violet for two heartbeats before they both looked away. The interaction was not missed by any of their friends. As Trowa turned his attention back to the group in front of him, he noticed curiosity and a little worry in every familiar pair of eyes. He just shrugged an answer to their silent questions, careful to keep his face blank when he looked at Quatre and Wufei again.
Everyone but Catherine seemed satisfied with this. Though Trowa could feel Duo's gaze on him the same way he sensed a sniper's gun sight. Direct, unwavering and totally focused on him.
Neither the analogy nor the sensation was comforting.
"Hey, Q-Man. I'm going to the buffet again, and thought I'd give you guys fair warning." Duo walked up to the newlyweds. Then his eyes lit on Catherine and Trowa. Trowa fought the urge to fidget.
"Hi Trowa, Catherine. Has Quatre let you talk to other people yet?"
"Duo!"
"What? Come on Quatre, you're monopolizing 'em. They haven't even gotten to the food yet. You guys need to try that spicy pasta thing. It was so hot, it made Relena cry". Violet eyes laughed as the braided mechanic threw his arm around Trowa's shoulders, pulling him towards the buffet. Trowa let himself relax when Duo's other arm went around Wufei's shoulders.
"Did it really?" Catherine looked at the young dignitary dancing with Heero, an eyebrow raised.
"Well...just a little". The grin nearly split Duo's face.
So obviously a mask. Trowa found himself quickly glancing at the other man, trying to see what the mask was hiding. Of course Trowa already knew what Duo wasn't telling the others.
Catherine laughed at Duo's descriptions of the foods that had been chosen. Which ones were good, which ones were rich, which ones went well with chocolate.
Safe topics. Everyone was at ease and laughing, having a good time. Duo was doing it again, just as he had done while they had been five Gundam pilots.
"It's good to see that some things don't change". The usual sarcasm in Wufei's voice had softened a bit as he spoke to Trowa around Duo. He still meant to mock the American, but it wasn't as annoyed as usual. Trowa's eyes locked with Wufei's over Duo's braid.
For just a heartbeat, the other man's mask dropped and Trowa saw what Wufei wanted him to see. Wufei knew how he felt about the blond, and hadn't caused this pain deliberately. But what had happened had happened. Wufei was hoping that it wouldn't cause a rift, that they wouldn't lose his friendship. Trowa's nod seemed to put him at ease.
Duo looked at both of them in turn and his smile turned a little sad, but genuine for another heartbeat. Then the silent communication was over.
Duo had spotted the sweet, pre-cake desserts.
"Hey Quatre. Give Rashid a raise! Or a trip to the barber. This stuff looks great!" He let go of his fellow ex-pilots and bounced towards the table, causing Catherine to laugh again.
"Duo! Leave some for the other people!" Four voices called out at once, drawing all attention to the glutton in question.
"I will. I will." The food still piled up on the plate until they couldn't see the fine china anymore.
"It would seem that Rashid planned for this contingency and had amounts prepared accordingly".
"Give it a rest Heero. Yes, I eat a lot, we've established this. Mission accomplished, now let's move on!"
Trowa was content to get something to eat and let the conversation flow around him, the topic in Duo's control as always. The seven of them commandeered the head table, eating and talking, with people occasionally joining them. Noin and Une sat and they talked shop for few minutes.
"You guys have new toys and you didn't tell me?" "Like they would let you near important weaponry ever again Maxwell." "Hey! I saved the galaxy just as much as you did."
"Then you should join, Duo. Save civilization as we know it, and tinker with the new technology". Noin sounded like this wasn't the first time that this had come up. Trowa sensed an old argument. Duo's mask shifted into boredom, though there was something much deeper going on.
"Nah. I'll stick with fixing the colony. You never know when someone will want to buy some prime L2 real-estate". Even Wufei would have been hard pressed to make his sarcasm that heavy.
Sally walked up, smiling a little sadly as she overheard. Her smile brightened as she looked at the newlyweds. She shrugged apologetically before speaking.
"I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but I need to drag the unmarried workaholics away. Something has come up".
"Is it serious?" Relena let worry flash across her face.
"No, no. Just something we need to go discuss with the involved parties". Une let out an exasperated sigh. "Who would have thought so many toddlers would get elected all at once". Relena chuckled in sympathy.
"You see why I stick with machines? If it makes a funny noise, you just putz around a bit and everything's fine". Duo paused with a bite half-way to his mouth, then added another thought. "Though, with either one, if you kick it, it does what you want".
"Or blows up in your face".
Duo turned wide eyes towards Trowa as the normally quiet man finished his punch line for him. They were both rewarded by snickers from around the table.
Trowa was rewarded by a true, happy smile from Duo. His face suited the honest expression much better than it suited his jester's mask.
"Exactly". Duo punctuated this pronouncement by putting the food in his mouth with gusto.
"You just had to have the last word, didn't you Maxwell".
The grin just widened.
Noin, Une and Sally said congratulations again before leaving the reception. The smile stayed in Duo's eyes as he waved good-bye. The conversation turned to Wufei's job with the Preventers. Duo ate and listened, Trowa picked at his food and listened. It was interesting, and tempting work, but Trowa wanted to stay with the circus just a little longer. Duo seemed to be of a like mind with his own situation.
Speeches and sibling tributes broke-up their conversation as Quatre and Wufei blushed and mingled.
"So, how's L2 treating you Duo? Any permanent arrangements?" Catherine asked the American with a sly look in her gray eyes.
Did she read through Duo's mask? Or mine? Trowa shifted in discomfort, drawing Heero's attention. He shrugged it off.
"No. I've got the mechanics job, and it's great. I don't think that I'll be with it much more than a few months though. The wander bug'll hit by then". Duo flashed another self-depreciating grin, then asked his own question, mirroring Trowa's own suspicious thoughts.
"Why?"
"Just wondering really. The circus is looking for a mechanic. Not for anything Trowa can't do", she smiled apologetically at her brother, "but with him performing and taking care of the cats... It would be nice to have someone full time".
She smiled at Duo again as his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And it would take care of the wanderlust".
"I smell a recruitment conspiracy. First those three, now you. I didn't fall asleep, did I?" The last question was directed at Relena. She just shook her head, giggling behind her hand.
"Why is it so unbelievable?" Trowa was once again thrown by Duo's mask, and had no idea what he was thinking. Duo's gaze swung around to meet his, and turned considering as Duo thought over his answer.
"Before the war, and definitely after it, I couldn't've paid someone to hire me. And that's on L2 where bribes are what feed you. It took me three months to find a guy shady enough to hire me. No one wants a known terrorist working for them." The smile stayed on the American's face, even as he shook his head ruefully.
"So come with us. It's not shady, you get good food, good company, and people only occasionally think that you're stealing." Catherine seemed determined to get his affirmative answer, and it was Trowa's turn to look at her suspiciously.
This sounds too thought-out to be spur of the movement, even for Cathy. When did she come up with this?
"I'll think about it", Trowa's heart skipped a little at Duo's answer, "I need to figure some things out first".
Violet pierced green and Trowa forgot to breath. Quatre's gaze was never so intense, no matter the emotion behind it. And Trowa couldn't even tell what emotion was behind Duo's intensity. He could guess...but he didn't know.
That mystery was as disturbing as it was tempting. Trowa had to look away first, or drown. It would be so easy to just give in, and let Duo's light swallow him whole. Trowa gave himself a mental shake and turned his attention back to what Duo and Catherine were saying.
"Why are you offering the job to me?" Duo's question reflected Trowa's own suspicions. "There are tons of mechanics in all the colonies. You could've picked one up at any of 'em. Why wait 'till now? Not that I don't appreciate it, but I'm sure you've heard the 'Life with Maxwell' horror stories." The wide grin once again stopped just short of his eyes.
"You're good at it. And you're Trowa's friend. It would be better than bringing in a complete stranger."
She thinks that she's bringing someone in for me to talk to. She didn't read either of us that closely.
Trowa breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't quite ready for his sister's input on the situation with Duo. Though the idea of Duo joining the circus, at least for a little while, was intriguing.
After the panic receded.
It would give him time to study Duo the way he had studied Quatre. But you lost Quatre. That thought sent his mind into a jumble again.
"Come and hang out with us after the shows next week. You can decide after that". Catherine's offer seemed to echo Duo's. They both suggested waiting to see...but not for very long.
Trowa knew that Duo wouldn't agree unless he said he was comfortable with it. Duo's eyes said so, much clearer than his mouth.
"So, Trowa. Think you can stand me hangin' around for a week?"
"As long as you're gentle with the equipment. I doubt that our doors are as resilient as yours". It was nice seeing those violet eyes widen in response to his deadpan. It was something he thought he could get used to.
Use the week. Both of you can decide after that. Duo nodded to Catherine, who was genuinely pleased by the response. "But you get to tell my boss why I have to leave early". She laughed, and said that she would.
"Shhh! They're cutting the cake." Relena shushed them, and they returned their attention to the festivities.
"Do you think it's chocolate?"
"Duo!"
And that is what his genuine smile looks like. It'd be a nice thing to see more often. Trowa felt the corners of his mouth twitch up, even as he watched Quatre and Wufei. Everyone was smiling, to various degrees, for the rest of the evening.
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"Well, that wasn't so bad, was it Trowa?" Catherine smiled contently from the passengers seat as Trowa drove them back to the hotel.
Quatre had offered them rooms at the house with the others, but they had declined.
Going and seeing them happy together is completely different than staying in that house with them tonight. And it would be so easy to turn to Duo for comfort. All of us deserve better than that.
Soft snoring brought him out of his thoughts, and he glanced at his sister's sleeping face. He was glad that she hadn't expected an answer.
Tomorrow they would be flying back to L2. Duo would come and see him the day after that. Both their futures depended on what they discovered about each other over the next week.
Maybe I'll tell Catherine about the letter before we see him again. Laughing violet crossed his mind's eye for a second, and he found the emotion contagious.
Trowa smiled more fully than he had in years, driving down the dark, deserted highway, where no-one could see it but him.
continued in part three